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00:00:00You
00:00:16Election season has arrived again
00:00:19Look now. I'm not trying to sell you anything. You don't already want
00:00:23This was an excellent year for the Barrett administration as always
00:00:28But even I must admit there were some minor setbacks
00:00:32Who tell me now how many times has this happened to you that you're lounging around?
00:00:38The closing of the radio station, for example, that was not good for my image
00:00:43Oh, you know what because I really like this town
00:00:47I am prepared to offer you and I only have a little more than a month to make that final push for votes
00:00:54That way if any evil doer tries to come through that door last thing I need is some last-minute surprises. Oh
00:01:03What the heck seeing as it's you I'll let you have up to 4% off
00:01:10Yes, yes, mr. Harvey your vacuum cleaner sound lovely
00:01:13I
00:01:19Actually, it's a it's hardy the last loha now if you do not mind I am very busy preparing for my upcoming campaign
00:01:28Okay, miss mayor. I
00:01:30Understand. Well, yeah, I'll be in town all week. Should you wish to discuss upgrading your alarm system?
00:01:37Mm-hmm. If I need some liniment, I shall let you know
00:01:42Goodbye, mr. Humphrey
00:01:45Actually, it's
00:01:47Thank you, ma'am
00:01:51Now getting back to my campaign I suppose it is past time to introduce myself to those businessmen from Chicago
00:01:59Our conversation about their political stance is long overdue
00:02:04Also, I should swing by the church
00:02:06Make sure that father Jenkins and his flock are not shifting their allegiances last-minute
00:02:16Leave the book alone. Nothing is going on that would require such extreme measures
00:02:24Leave the book alone nothing
00:02:28Chuck is exactly where he wants to be
00:02:32Collecting rocks now, perhaps the ones in your head are getting lonely
00:02:41They will be safer here out of your reach
00:02:48Leave the book alone. Nothing is going on that would require such extreme measures. I
00:02:55Have nothing to say to the townspeople at the moment
00:02:58What should I do first
00:03:01Joseph told me earlier. He saw the barber and his associate hanging in the park. That could be a good starting point
00:03:08However, I couldn't be the first one to go. I've got a lot of work ahead of me
00:03:14I'm afraid I'll have to leave you to it
00:03:17I'm afraid I'll have to leave you to it
00:03:20I'm afraid I'll have to leave you to it
00:03:22I'm afraid I'll have to leave you to it
00:03:25I'm afraid I'll have to leave you to it
00:03:27However, I could visit father Jenkins since the church is right around the corner decisions decisions
00:03:39Do not touch don't touch that gives me a headache
00:03:49Okay, you got this first, you know this rope prove yourself it's still the show
00:03:55Second you land the lead next year and
00:04:02I mean, who are you? I suppose the electoral propaganda failed to give you a clue
00:04:07I am mayor Eliza Barrett and you are
00:04:11Jeff Emmett
00:04:14Wilberforce Peyton Millhouse the third really there's more than one Wilberforce Peyton Millhouse
00:04:21Not anymore
00:04:23Anyway, miss mayor. It's such an honor to finally meet you. Of course it is. Are you feeling? All right, mr
00:04:30Peyton, yeah, sorry about that first week and all what can I do for you miss me?
00:04:38Funny mr. Peyton, but I do not recall hiring you. Of course. No studio hide me studio
00:04:46Did I say studio I'm mr. Sharon, sorry, it's just the jet lag
00:04:52Come on, Jeff. I know it's the first week but get it together
00:04:55Since you are new in town, you must learn the local traditions one of them being to vote for me in the upcoming election
00:05:03Vote for you, but I just got here. Shouldn't I know what my options are first?
00:05:09Mr. Peyton, you have two options
00:05:11One is to vote for me and the other is to stay in town and learn the local traditions
00:05:16So you're gonna vote for me and I'm gonna learn the local traditions
00:05:19But I just got here shouldn't I know what my options are first
00:05:23Mr. Peyton, you have two options vote for me or
00:05:28Open the mystery box
00:05:31Mystery box what's inside?
00:05:34Well, I am NOT really supposed to tell anyone but for one of our brave firefighters
00:05:40Inside the box is a pair of silver bracelets a parade with you at the head and sheriff Coltrane
00:05:46Escorting you and a free one-way ticket out of town. Oh
00:05:53Yeah, a second thought I will definitely not be taking the mystery box I am glad we understand each other
00:06:00Keep up the good work
00:06:01Miss man before you leave. Would you tell me the story of don't touch you could have asked. Mr. Coltrane about that
00:06:10So you think bothering me is a better option that's not what I
00:06:16Don't touch was a very special bear brave
00:06:19Gentle wise he had a true gift for stealing people's hearts. He died a victim of the fires
00:06:27He fought so hard to extinguish
00:06:29He had already gotten most of the townsfolk and his cubs to safety and we could all see he was on his last legs when he
00:06:36Saved Sam, but then he rushed back into the building and it collapsed on top of him
00:06:42That's horrible whore don't touch you have some big shoes to fill mr. Payton do not disappoint
00:06:54Leave fire hydrants to dogs children and firefighters
00:07:13I
00:07:19Do not have the time to play around
00:07:21Mayor Barrett you blasphemous self-absorbed treacherous heathen. You have a lot of nerve walking in here and
00:07:29Here I thought the church accepted everyone
00:07:32But I was wrong
00:07:33I was wrong
00:07:35I was wrong
00:07:37I was wrong
00:07:39I was wrong
00:07:41I was wrong
00:07:43I was wrong
00:07:45I was wrong
00:07:47I was wrong
00:07:49And here I thought the church accepted everyone despite their past sins clearly you priests are all talk and no trousers
00:08:01Good to see you old fiend
00:08:04Enough compliments father. I expect you know why I am here, correct
00:08:09I don't need messages from the divine to figure this one out
00:08:13It's been almost four years since the election. So
00:08:19I
00:08:27Trust your congregation knows who is the best option to continue leading this town
00:08:32Straight to the point and always self-serving two of your most charming characteristics. I
00:08:39Completely agree, but enough flattery. I need an answer to my question, you know, I've always supported you Eliza
00:08:47No, that said to be honest, I feel as though it might be time for a change
00:08:52You
00:09:14Need I remind you of the pipe organ I donated to this church pipe organ what pipe organ
00:09:22Oh, so that is how it is going to be
00:09:26The organs great Liza, but that was a while ago
00:09:30What have you done for the church recently? Hmm?
00:09:33Well, if you do not appreciate the organ, I am sure the Vatican will take it back
00:09:39They will probably be grateful to know where it has been all this time
00:09:43Hey, first of all, you said it was a gift
00:09:47Second however, you procured it is on you not on me
00:09:52I wonder if Pius will feel the same way when I tell him
00:09:58Forgive me Eliza for it seems the lamb has momentarily strayed
00:10:03Very well, you have my support and I'll make sure the congregation knows who to vote for
00:10:09That said I will need time to persuade them. How much time are we talking about?
00:10:15Hmm shouldn't take too long
00:10:17Come back tomorrow and I'll give you a status report glad we are on the same page
00:10:23Eliza I may have my doubts about you occasionally
00:10:27But I know you really do want what's best for all of us
00:10:31If you ran for Pope, I'd even vote for you then maybe someday but the presidency comes first
00:10:38Besides I do not care for the hat
00:10:41Remember the day you decided to become a priest
00:10:44Like it was yesterday. I
00:10:47Thought I was a dead man. My life flashed before my eyes and everything
00:10:52But I prayed to the Lord and I was saved. I
00:10:56Think your exact words were God. I know I might have strayed a bit. Okay, maybe a lot
00:11:03But for the love of everything I hold dear even if it's just for a little while
00:11:08Before the love of everything I hold dear if you save me
00:11:11I will devote my life to you and you guys showed up two seconds later
00:11:17If I had only waited two more seconds
00:11:28What were you doing on that volcano, I mean I know what was happening but not what you did to incite it
00:11:35I was an innocent young man wide-eyed and new to the world. I just left home to go on rum Springer
00:11:44Maybe I was running a little wild with all the partying the illegal buggy races the women
00:11:51The drinking the gambling the men the Cobra fights
00:11:55Yes, perhaps just a tad no regrets Eliza. No regrets at all
00:12:02Except for not calling the chieftain's daughter back. That was an oops
00:12:17Something has been on my mind lately
00:12:20Little Elizabeth I assume
00:12:22She's not so little anymore and I feel like I am losing control over her. She even started working at Michaels
00:12:29Can you believe it?
00:12:31Well with pastoral counseling you have two options
00:12:35One we try to work through your issues using a combination of common sense and advice
00:12:41too we can just grab that exorcism in a box I have in back and
00:12:59You
00:13:09Let us say I am considering the exorcism I'm here to answer all your questions
00:13:16What comes in the kit?
00:13:18Just those standard equipment
00:13:20some holy betracket rocks and water a stake carved from the cross Jesus was crucified on a
00:13:26Pistol with 13 silver bullets the tips and tricks for novice exorcists booklet and the phone number for the Vatican customer service hotline
00:13:34Do you have any non-lethal solutions? I'm afraid the Vatican does not deal in half-hearted measures when it comes to things like these
00:13:47I suppose I could just talk about it killjoy
00:13:56I
00:13:57Think the biggest problem is her academic performance. She is not doing so well in school
00:14:02I see. Have you tried talking with her teachers? Of course I have but according to dr. Dixon and I quote
00:14:11She's thicker than frozen peanut butter. Have you considered homeschooling?
00:14:17You're supposed to give me hope father not make me despair
00:14:21No teacher in the country was willing to accept the position
00:14:24I even had to import the new principal from Australia at this point. I am considering sending her to a nunnery
00:14:32Anything but that Eliza if your daughter were to join the church, she would turn it on its head
00:14:38Her antics will bring chaos into the house of God and what's worse? She'll probably finagle her way into becoming Pope
00:14:46Hmm, I admit that would be bad for the faithful
00:14:50But it would also create marvelous networking opportunities for me
00:14:57How can I make her stop working at Michael's
00:15:01Perhaps try telling her to stop as if she would listen
00:15:06Besides knowing her she would end up owning her own franchise and become wildly successful
00:15:11Just to spite me
00:15:13But wait, wouldn't that actually be a good thing?
00:15:17Not helping father not helping
00:15:23What does the exorcism itself entail
00:15:26It's a very simple process
00:15:28First we tie the victim to the bed and stand way back next we splash her with holy water
00:15:34Once the vomit dries up and the head stops spinning we repeat the process
00:15:39Sometimes you got to go like three or four rounds of the spinning and puking before it stops. How grotesque
00:15:45Please continue now if that doesn't work. We have to take more aggressive measures
00:15:51Steak through the heart is the usual method followed by burning at the stake
00:15:56And if that fails, there's the classic silver bullet to the head
00:16:00full proof and
00:16:02What if we would rather not kill her you might want to ask a different denomination in that case
00:16:07Are
00:16:14You sure there are no other options
00:16:17You asked for my opinion and my personal recommendation is torture
00:16:21I have a ton of alternatives a Judas cradle blood eagle tickle torture Chinese water torture father
00:16:29Might that be based on her hitting you with a cross in front of the congregation last week. No
00:16:38What mystifies me is that you would discard your newfound freedom so easily and to the same old boring and
00:16:46unoriginal God
00:16:47You should have taken up the Hawaiian deities
00:16:50Now those are interesting. Hey turning water into wine is pretty interesting if you ask me
00:16:56How
00:17:04About Pele the goddess of fire and volcanoes
00:17:08fire and volcanoes
00:17:10Jenkins, what is the best your God can do baguettes and sardines and I believe the word you're looking for is
00:17:18Resurrection. I
00:17:19Also sometimes failed to rise for three days in my younger years, especially after a party
00:17:26Eliza enough with the heresy
00:17:37Tell me a father, how do you keep your flock so loyal to you?
00:17:41Well, we have a lot of programs aimed at benefiting our community
00:17:46There are seminars motivational talks pamphlets information sessions
00:17:51It sounds like you are doing plenty and that's not all
00:17:55We have launched an amazing remote conversion program in cooperation with the army. I
00:18:02Have so many questions
00:18:04And I would gladly answer them all
00:18:09What kind of seminars are we talking about
00:18:12We offer many kinds ranging from marital advice to living a pious life
00:18:18We even discuss science in some sessions
00:18:22What do the marriage seminars cover
00:18:25We examine a lot of common relationship issues. I wish we had that one when you were younger frankly
00:18:32Excuse me. I mean don't you miss being married?
00:18:37Listen to me and listen. Well father
00:18:40My divorce has brought me more happiness than almost anything else in my life
00:18:45Life was hell back then compared to now and sometimes you have to go through hell to get to heaven
00:18:52Dear Lord Eliza. I could use that in the seminars
00:18:56Fine. I expect a royalty check within 30 days
00:19:04Living a pious life what a dull subject
00:19:07It's basically a series of reminders that if you don't behave according to the Holy Scriptures you well, you know
00:19:14Go to hell
00:19:16So much for instilling hope in your flock
00:19:18Well after three hours of striking terror in their feeble hearts and minds, we eventually reached the Q&A
00:19:26That's where I really shine
00:19:29What can we do to avoid going to hell father and then comes the talk about redemption through donation?
00:19:36Clever
00:19:38It's more polite to call it a tithe. But yeah a
00:19:41a
00:19:43Science seminar is the church finally emerging from the Middle Ages
00:19:48That seminar examines and disproves many of the fallacies of modern science
00:19:54So just to be clear when you say fallacies you mean
00:19:59Debunking asinine theories, of course the Big Bang gravity evolution
00:20:04Dinosaurs, you know all those things you really can't see or prove
00:20:09That is quite funny coming from someone who worships an all-powerful figure who no one has ever seen
00:20:18With the number of seminars you hold I'm surprised none are about the apocalypse. Oh, we do have one
00:20:24It's the four horsemen sin seminar
00:20:28However, that's not a class so much as a front a front
00:20:33For what?
00:20:34Me and three other local clergymen play poker in the church basement
00:20:38So I gather that means you are still struggling with your gambling problem. I don't have a gambling problem
00:20:45In fact, I bet you five grand right here that I don't
00:20:52My dear friend Edgar told me a fascinating rumor the other day
00:20:56Apparently some former Navy man is starting a wild new religion. What have you heard about it?
00:21:02It's not a religion so much as a cult based around evading taxes as opposed to
00:21:11Not funny Eliza
00:21:13These guys make the Mormons look reasonable and grounded do they now the hell they do
00:21:20enough of this topic
00:21:24Tell me about those pamphlets
00:21:26They advertise our weekly meetings to discuss our Lord and Savior Jesus
00:21:31Do you also have one on leprechauns don't be silly Eliza everyone knows those are extinct
00:21:38Really, but just the other day Amos said one of them made off with his pot of gold
00:21:47May the Lord be with us. I'll need a week to prepare
00:21:51Let's see. We need steaks. Holy water protein bars bottled water
00:21:56Are you sure you can handle a hunt at your age I could use that pot of gold
00:22:02Thanks to your daughter. I've had to replace that stained glass at least six times
00:22:10What can you tell me about your military work I suppose you mean our holy flock of the sacred drop operation
00:22:26You
00:22:28Go on then tell me what are they Crusader pigeons or something?
00:22:36What a ridiculous idea where would we get pigeon-sized chain mail father you are looking away from me
00:22:47You know that is a pretty weak avoidance strategy do you really think I cannot extract this information from you
00:22:56Oh
00:22:59God I mean fine. I'll tell you just don't do that and don't spread this around either
00:23:05All right. It's an elite flock of specially trained pigeons
00:23:10They carry the Word of God and drop it to those in need
00:23:15Unfortunately, we've suspended the project for extra training
00:23:19Apparently they're dropping something other than books
00:23:22It would seem the name was more appropriate than initially expected
00:23:28You mentioned motivational talks, oh, let me tell you those motivational speeches really get the blood pumping
00:23:37Honestly, they're the main reason this church is still going
00:23:39I do not mean to be rude, but this church is empty whenever I stop by who is attending your speeches
00:23:47Attending. Oh, you've got the wrong idea
00:23:49I give the talks to myself in front of the mirror every morning without him. I would have quit this job years ago
00:23:57Is your faith not reason enough to wake up each morning and face the day faith doesn't pay the bills Eliza
00:24:07Are you tired of always serving the same dry wafers every communion
00:24:11Have you ever wondered if there is a more appealing option? Oh, no, not again
00:24:17Eliza we've been over this. I know you don't want to lose your corporate sponsorship
00:24:22But why not switch to the rich sweet creamy taste of Twinkies?
00:24:26One bite and you will know that heaven is real. My answer is still no
00:24:34How many more times do we have to go through this well, I have a lifetime contract so uh-huh
00:24:42So same time next year
00:24:44Same time next year. I am Eliza Barrett and I approve this message
00:24:52You know father I have come to a realization
00:24:56It might finally be time for me to confess my misdeeds and seek forgiveness for my sins
00:25:12You almost got me
00:25:18One day maybe I
00:25:21Think it's too late for you. I was under the impression that anyone who confessed was granted absolution for their sins
00:25:28well, that's true, but
00:25:31Well, if we start right now, we might be able to finish before one of us dies from old age
00:25:36Then let us not I have too much to do today
00:25:41Father
00:25:44Perhaps it is time for you to take a vacation
00:25:47Thank you for your concern Eliza, but I'm fine
00:25:50My flock needs me and I have sworn to serve them
00:25:54Well, if you change your mind, I have heard Cancun is lovely this time of year
00:25:59Well, even if I wanted to I couldn't
00:26:03Vow of poverty remember how can I afford that?
00:26:06Is that not what the little ritual with the plate is all about?
00:26:10I believe it is time. I return to my duties go then and may God watch over you
00:26:21That is a one-way ticket to the hospital
00:26:27Pride adverse lust envy and wrath
00:26:31Five out of seven is not bad, but I should return after I have collected the whole set
00:26:40I
00:26:45Leave fire hydrants to dogs children and firefighters
00:26:52The last thing my campaign needs is for the paparazzi to catch me digging through the garbage
00:27:00Re-elect mayor Barrett if it ain't broke don't swap horses
00:27:07There is no rest for the wicked
00:27:11A lies of Barrett you say corruption like it's a bad thing
00:27:27No, no, no Bambini you Capito Niente
00:27:31You have to go down in the third round third round
00:27:35Capisce and you piccolo you are hitting him too hard
00:27:40He has to last until the third round. So tone it down
00:27:44Come on, mister. We've been at this for hours. I heard in places. I didn't even know existed
00:27:52Can we take a break?
00:27:53Fine, take five Bambini, but you have to practice for the match. Otherwise no reward
00:28:01You'll pay for my sister's medicine. If we do this, right? I am a man of my word
00:28:07Bambino you entertain my amici tonight, and I'll get your sister some high-quality
00:28:14Medication. All right, then for Sandy. Okay for Sandy
00:28:28Would someone care to explain exactly what is going on here
00:28:32Niente, Sindica
00:28:35Actually, we were just teaching them about the beauty of sports right Bambini
00:28:41Yes
00:28:42In that case, I expect you to be on your best behavior. You are representing our town and therefore me
00:28:49understand
00:28:51Yes, ma'am
00:28:52Now if you will, excuse me
00:28:56Arrivederci, miss mayor
00:28:59And
00:29:01What are you children doing
00:29:03My sister keeps getting worse. The hospital won't let us in and we can't go back home
00:29:09So we're dealing with the problem ourselves
00:29:13Initiative that is a quality often lacking in today's youth. I'm impressed. Mr. Moore. Yeah
00:29:20But that's not going to help my sister
00:29:23I
00:29:26Promise to look into it, but that is all I can do. Uh-huh. Sure
00:29:33Did you need something
00:29:37How are you kids settling in
00:29:39Not to complain miss mayor, but it could be better and it could be far worse considering where you came from
00:29:46Don't get me wrong, we're thankful we really are it's just we're not sleeping
00:29:52Well, the gym stinks like sweaty socks
00:29:56Plus the coyotes crying keeps us up at night
00:30:00Believe me. I am just as delighted with the situation as you are
00:30:05Unfortunately, I am afraid you must make do for the moment
00:30:08miss mayor
00:30:10might be a weird question, but
00:30:12What is our situation exactly?
00:30:16I beg your pardon
00:30:18It's just that ever since we got kicked out of Corona. We don't know which end is up
00:30:23Are we still orphans if we don't have an orphanage to call home? Are we still native Cronites?
00:30:29Do we even actually live here or are we gonna get kicked out again?
00:30:34We don't have to cheer for the coyotes now, do we?
00:30:46Now
00:30:49Gregory it is not the orphanage that makes the orphan
00:30:52It is the lack of parents that makes you an orphan and no one can ever take that away from you. So
00:30:58We're still orphans
00:31:00Yes, and you always will be well, that's good to know I guess
00:31:05Okay. So, how are you gonna make us part of the town? Can we have a house or maybe families?
00:31:11I bet you could adopt us. Your house is ginormous
00:31:14Ginormous
00:31:16Five smelly little reggae muffins laying waste to my home. No, thank you. One is quite enough
00:31:27You keep trying kiddo, you can do it
00:31:37Why is water shooting out of your eyes, all right
00:31:44You
00:31:53Did the mayor of Corona ever explain why you were relocated
00:31:57Yeah, he said he'd arrange it with you. We were just supposed to be here for a few days
00:32:03Well, he made some big improvements to the orphanage. Oh
00:32:07Yes, the bad men in court
00:32:10Batman what I am not pleased to bring you this information
00:32:14But your former home is now flattened under a state-of-the-art sports facility in the mayor's newly expanded backyard
00:32:28Language but know that I deeply share the sentiment
00:32:36Since you may be here for a while shall we get to know each other?
00:32:39Yes, what do you want to know?
00:32:44How did you all
00:32:46Come to live together you mean how we were orphaned
00:32:51Why do people always ask that I
00:32:55Know it is a very personal question, but I would like to know
00:32:59Well, we all have different stories
00:33:02Obviously, whose do you want to hear?
00:33:07What happened to you and your sister
00:33:09It happened pretty recently. Actually, our parents were on vacation in Hawaii visiting Pearl Harbor win. Oh god, Gregory
00:33:17Did they die in the attack?
00:33:22Wait, what then? How are you orphans?
00:33:26Mom and dad met a crooked salesman
00:33:29Lardy or Harto or something and he sweet-talked them into buying this big condo
00:33:35Long story short. It was a scam. They'd run out of money and had to declare bankruptcy
00:33:41The mayor seized all of their assets and Corona to help pay off their debts and then he kicked us out of our house
00:33:48That's how we ended up in the group home. Our parents never came back for us
00:33:53There is a lesson to be learned here. Mr. Moore
00:33:56Never trust a door-to-door salesman on the bright side. Your parents are in a better place now
00:34:05Tell me about mr. Turner's situation Oh
00:34:09Joey's story is really sad him more ways than one
00:34:13See, he went on a family trip to the Grand Canyon
00:34:16They were having a great time, but then by George Washington's iconic white wig, please do not tell me they jumped
00:34:24What?
00:34:26Joey just wasn't paying attention. So he got into the wrong car and fell asleep
00:34:31It just so happened to be the mayor of Corona's car
00:34:34He slept all the way back to Corona by the time they realized what happened. Joey's family was long gone
00:34:41The mayor tried to track them down for weeks with no luck
00:34:45Finally, they just dropped him off at the orphanage and that's that
00:34:50Hmm. It is a pity. I never took the offspring to the Grand Canyon
00:34:55How
00:34:58Did mr. Lee become an orphan
00:35:00I don't actually know if he ever did become an orphan or if that's just the way he was born
00:35:07What on earth does that mean?
00:35:09He never had a mom or dad. We were just playing in the park one day and poof
00:35:15Bobby appeared in a flash of blinding light clothes and all you want me to believe this was a case of spontaneous conception
00:35:23Who do you take me for?
00:35:26Betty keeps telling the same story and everyone believes her that ungrateful little
00:35:34None of those stories were true were they
00:35:39So you lied to me only in the sense that you expected me to tell the truth in the first place
00:35:45Well, I cannot wait for your new families to arrive here tomorrow and adopt you all
00:35:52Haha, no, and this is why we tell the truth so people do not get hurt. Let me ask you something else
00:36:01Fine by me
00:36:05Do you have any remaining family?
00:36:07Well, we have an uncle
00:36:11Wonderful. Where does he live? I can have you sent to him immediately
00:36:15Yeah, that's the thing. Please don't I feel compelled to ask why?
00:36:20He has too many rules don't run into the house eat all your vegetables
00:36:26Don't play with that white robe. It's not a ghost costume. I'm going out until morning. So keep the doors locked
00:36:34Forget I mentioned it. In fact, I think you should give sheriff Coltrane your uncle's address immediately
00:36:40Yes, ma'am
00:36:44What is it like being classmates with my offspring
00:36:47Oh
00:36:49right, Betty
00:36:51I really don't want to answer that if you know what is good for you. You will do as I say
00:36:57Wow deja vu
00:37:00Like mother like daughter. Am I right?
00:37:04Gregory
00:37:06Your daughter couldn't graduate from clown college
00:37:09She copies our answers on every test
00:37:12She tries to make us do her homework and if that wasn't bad enough
00:37:16She somehow convinced the hamster to kick his dirty wood shavings onto our cafeteria food
00:37:22On one hand, I am pleased to see her working so hard at something
00:37:27On the other hand, she is grounded effective immediately and in perpetuity
00:37:33Look, miss mayor. Let's make a deal. You get us real food. Not for Mike's not from the school real edible food
00:37:42If you do that, we'll tell you whenever Betty's about to do something stupid. You know what? Mr. Moore?
00:37:48You have yourself a deal. I have all the information I need
00:37:53If you say so
00:37:56What is it with the boxing gloves Oh
00:37:59There's nice gentleman over there came to us this morning
00:38:01They said if we gave their friends a good show, they'd give us medicine for Sandy. What kind of show?
00:38:09Mm-hmm
00:38:11Tonight's get ready for the fight of your lives at Cooper's Manor
00:38:16You will be witnesses to the match of the century
00:38:21Greg formula fed more
00:38:24Versus Bobby baby face Lee. Oh
00:38:30I see the very best of luck. I suppose I will be going now do behave yourselves
00:38:37Whatever I
00:38:43Have socialized enough for one day. Oh
00:38:48I don't know which I enjoy more miss peanut these. Oh, hello
00:38:57Mayor Barrett
00:39:00Miss
00:39:03Moore dear you really should get that cough looked at I'd love to but we don't have insurance
00:39:10The hospital won't even let me in the front door
00:39:18Any news on our situation
00:39:21Corona's town hall stubbornly refuses to take my calls lately
00:39:25Something smells rotten in that snake hole, but I have no interest in going there to find out what
00:39:34They don't want us back do they do not jump to such dire conclusions young lady
00:39:41Tell me are your accommodations
00:39:43sufficient Oh
00:39:45The high school gym is fine mayor Barrett
00:39:49But
00:39:52Are you sure the coyotes are okay with us sleeping there, of course they are I
00:39:58Swear that team must be cursed. Can you even imagine something worse than losing every single game you play?
00:40:09That is what I thought well do take care miss more
00:40:19Hmm this morning is a lot cloudier than I anticipated
00:40:25There's a predator nearby
00:40:28Good morning, dr. Dixon and you must be miss peanuts the new principal in the flesh and you are
00:40:35Eliza Barrett your mayor like it or not. Oh, right, of course
00:40:41Good to meet you mayor Barrett. Well, I must say I'm surprised to see you here already
00:40:46I had expected you to stay in Australia until the beginning of the school year
00:40:50I know I know but I just couldn't wait to get started
00:40:54I like to go in and get the lay of the land before a hunt begins
00:40:58The climate the plants the hiding spots for prey animals to shelter from the beast. I beg your pardon the beast
00:41:06Yes, the beast a student with unprecedented powers of chaos and destruction
00:41:12Who compulsively seeks the thrill of confusing their prey and driving it to madness
00:41:18Many have fallen to her attacks
00:41:20students teachers
00:41:22Principals, but she's met her match in me miss me. I'll succeed where all others have failed
00:41:28Well, it seems that dr. Dixon has neglected to inform you that this beast is my only child and she has a proper name
00:41:36You know
00:41:37You of all people saying that
00:41:42I
00:41:46Have a few more questions, I would like to ask you
00:41:51You should probably save this enthusiasm until you really need it the school year will not start for over a month yet
00:41:57Oh, I can't I'm excited to get cracking
00:42:01It just feels wrong to be sitting here and soaking up the Sun when the beast
00:42:05I mean your daughter is on the loose
00:42:10You may believe you are capable of dealing with my daughter, but I assure you she is far worse than your average juvenile delinquent
00:42:18Listen to her. She's actually right about this. I
00:42:23Guess it couldn't hurt to see where my predecessors went wrong and learn from their mistakes
00:42:28You've already made the biggest blunder possible
00:42:32Coming here in the first place
00:42:37What would you like to know about my daughter
00:42:39Just the normal sorts of things you need to know when hunting specific quarry, you know her diet habitat behavioral patterns in the wild
00:42:46Oh, is she a social animal? Does she have a pack or is it more of a lone wolf situation?
00:42:51I do hope between all those metaphors that you remember we are dealing with my child not a wild animal
00:42:58That's what parents always say about their kids
00:43:01Teachers, however, we tend to see the truth
00:43:05If
00:43:07By habitat you mean where she spends her time
00:43:11She's usually either working at Michael's or grounded
00:43:14Except for during school hours. I reckon if you actually managed to catch my offspring inside the school building
00:43:21I suggest you have a fire extinguisher close at hand a chronic truant with pyromaniac tendencies a
00:43:29interesting
00:43:31How
00:43:33Can I describe my offspring's behavior?
00:43:36Think of whatever a normal person would do and then expect her to do the opposite
00:43:41Well, that's not uncommon
00:43:43Are there any patterns to her behavior that you've observed and habits or forget about our habits miss peanut?
00:43:49You should be worried about the things you can't predict
00:43:53Like the time she trained all the dogs in town to start howling at 2 a.m
00:43:58Or how about the time she took hostages until we got rid of all the broccoli in the cafeteria
00:44:05And there was this time. She found a screwdriver and just started randomly removing screws all over town
00:44:13I'm still too scared to sit in my own chair
00:44:20Now that is what I call a lifetime of crime
00:44:24Lifetime all of that happened just last week miss peanut. I
00:44:32Am not sure what her diet is important, but I pack her a healthy lunch with fresh produce every day
00:44:39And she returns it all to Lorraine and uses the refund to buy Twinkies
00:44:44You are telling me that you watch my child stuff herself with cake every day and never once thought to intervene
00:44:51Very negligent of you. Dr. Dixon. I never said she ate them
00:44:56She feeds most of them to the class hamster in exchange for test answers
00:45:02So that is why my offspring fails her exams because she gets her answers from a rodent
00:45:08No, if she did that she might actually pass Carrick outscores her on everything
00:45:14I have no idea what she does with the answers, but she sure doesn't read them
00:45:22My offspring has excellent people skills
00:45:26She gets that from me, of course
00:45:28But yes, I suppose she has a pack
00:45:31Look, miss peanut Betty's pack is mostly a collection of random animals
00:45:37What animals?
00:45:38I've seen her with pigs chickens cows coyotes raccoons pigeons
00:45:43Well, I even saw her trying to befriend that cougar yesterday
00:45:48That was why she came home with her clothes all shredded she told me you attacked her with a cheese grater
00:45:56That's ridiculous
00:45:58You know damn. Well, the school doesn't have the budget for cheese graders
00:46:03Bringing predators and prey together without anyone trying to eat each other
00:46:09Fascinating. I think it would be best if you just observed my offspring on your own
00:46:13I would not want to ruin any surprises. In fact, I would prefer to talk about something else
00:46:22Why did you choose such a difficult demanding job it all started when I was in preschool
00:46:28We'd had the worst relief teacher ever. No idea what he was doing drank all day
00:46:34Can't fully blame him though. We were quite the rowdy mob
00:46:37Well, I guess we got to be too much for him because one day he just vanished
00:46:42Along with everyone's lunch the tuck shops cash box the principal's earrings and the pool. He stole a pool
00:46:48Why would he do that? And more importantly how I don't know how but I'm guessing he swiped the pool because he also took our
00:46:56mascot Croco Oh
00:46:58Poor old croc. I hope he's alright wherever he is
00:47:04Maybe although crocodile leather was terribly trendy a few years back. Oh
00:47:10Oh, pardon me, I was just thinking aloud you were saying
00:47:16Anyway, there weren't any other substitutes available. So I took it upon myself to lead the lesson
00:47:22I did such a good job that they let me take over the class for the rest of the year
00:47:26The second I held a ruler in my hands. I felt the same rush of power drovers do when they use a cattle prod
00:47:35That's when I knew I was born to be a teacher
00:47:40Why are you so confident about your chances with my offspring?
00:47:44Well, you obviously hired me because of my achievement record and because no one else would take the job
00:47:51I've turned plenty of students lives around
00:47:54Chronic absentees kids with sleeping problems kids who repeated the same grade several times any problem you can think of
00:48:02I've probably already solved
00:48:04You
00:48:06Give me an example of how you helped an absentee student
00:48:10Hmm. Well, there was little Timmy long. He never showed at school
00:48:16They even had to put a blank square next to his name in the yearbook instead of a picture
00:48:20Well, I decided that if he wasn't going to come to school
00:48:24We just bring school to him
00:48:26I hired a team of good strong blokes and had them build a new school around Timmy's house overnight
00:48:32He never missed a day after that let me tell you
00:48:35Impressive, but you will certainly not do that around my house or my pool
00:48:41Damn it
00:48:43See, I told you she wouldn't go for that one. I
00:48:47Guess we should return those bikinis then
00:48:53What sleeping problems did you solve exactly ah
00:48:56That was when I was working in the Philippines this one girl Ligaya just kept skipping class
00:49:02She was always in bed. So we thought she had some sleeping disorder
00:49:07But then her mother told us Ligaya had never been sick a day in her life
00:49:11So I decided to investigate I climbed a tree and waited outside her window for days
00:49:17Tracking her movements in the end. I realized she wasn't sleeping at all
00:49:22She was just far too emotionally attached to her bed. That does sound rather unusual
00:49:28So, how did you handle it?
00:49:30It wasn't hard at all. I called an electrician a mate of mine and had him modify the bed a bit
00:49:35But what would that? Oh, I see out of curiosity. How many volts?
00:49:41About 200 anytime she touched so much as a pillow. She begged not to have to go home and sleep there
00:49:47cruel but effective
00:49:52Repeating a grade multiple times that sounds like a difficult case
00:49:57Oh, yeah, that one really was a challenge
00:50:00See, I was part of this teacher exchange program and they placed me in Jacksonville, Florida
00:50:05One poor lad Joseph had been in the third grade so long. He was growing a mustache
00:50:10He claimed he couldn't focus because he was possessed by demons
00:50:14Now kids will say or do anything to get out of school work, but he took it too far
00:50:19One day I announced a pop quiz and his head started spinning around like a top
00:50:24That's kind of an overreaction to a pop quiz if you ask me, what did you do with such a
00:50:30Disruptive student. Oh, we set him to some good hard work
00:50:35Sweeping mopping few light repairs here and there all that physical labor helped clear his head
00:50:40If idle hands are the tool of the devil young Joseph wasn't much good to him anymore
00:50:45Yeah, but did it help him move up a grade? No
00:50:50Unfortunately disappeared not long after he started making progress
00:50:53I still carry his first passing test around with me just in case I ever see him again
00:50:59Perhaps you should drop by town hall sometime. You may find a little surprise
00:51:04It has been lovely to meet you miss peanut, but I must be off if you would excuse me
00:51:10Wait one more thing before you leave. Could you tell me where I might stock up on rations any place except Mike's diner?
00:51:18It can be quite dangerous if your system is not accustomed to the local cuisine
00:51:23Oh, please. I've been boxing kangaroos and surviving on raw snakes since I was a sprog
00:51:28I'm sure I can handle whatever American cuisine is
00:51:35Why do I feel so cold Oh
00:51:39Eliza Barrett just arrived now. It makes sense a pleasure to see you too. Miss Dixon
00:51:47Are you blocking our son for a reason?
00:51:50Yes, I have some questions if you would I
00:51:55Am starting to think I gave you too much vacation time
00:51:59Perhaps our students would benefit from a year-round instructional model
00:52:02I know what you're thinking and if I were you I'd reconsider. Oh
00:52:09And why should I?
00:52:10Well, given the unique economic and social pressures of rural education as well as the fact that the school acts in
00:52:18Loco parentis and must ensure a safe learning environment for all students
00:52:24We simply wouldn't have the resources to keep Betty enrolled. She'd have to be
00:52:30homeschooled
00:52:33You would not dare
00:52:34Wanna risk it and find out
00:52:37Damn it. If I had known she was going to be such a political liability
00:52:45How are you liking your new position anyway, it depends
00:52:50Some days I wonder why I took this job
00:52:53Other days, I simply regret it. It sounds similar to parenthood
00:52:59Nevertheless, your answer surprises me
00:53:02Considering you begged me for the job. I thought you enjoyed it more
00:53:06I needed the fresh start in the distraction more than I needed the actual job
00:53:11Frankly and from all the things you could have chosen you picked teaching
00:53:16Why not train the monkeys at the zoo? It seems more emotionally rewarding
00:53:20It was the best idea I could come up with for making sure future generations. Don't repeat our mistakes
00:53:28But and the world doesn't seem ready for my molecular gastronomy experiments
00:53:37Let us discuss your past
00:53:39I'd rather not
00:53:41Besides, I'm sure you're big tall friend that the tiki bar has already told you everything
00:53:47He has told me what he could but he only knew so much
00:53:50I must ask you to fill in the blanks. Keep in mind that classified does not apply to me
00:53:56You will get us both in trouble
00:53:59When did that ever stop me fine? I'll answer what I can or what I feel like answering
00:54:07How exactly does one end up in your former line of work
00:54:12After the attack on Pearl Harbor and the declaration of war on Japan
00:54:16I was encouraged by Julius to collaborate in a system with some calculations
00:54:22So you were just Oppenheimer's human calculator. How disappointing I mean this
00:54:28Calculator here did the math for the most powerful weapon in human history
00:54:34Please if we are talking explosions, you know, my offspring has you beat don't be absurd Eliza, you know, she
00:54:54Hey, where's Roscoe I
00:55:01Stand corrected
00:55:04Why did you want to join a project like that you must have known what the result would eventually be
00:55:11It's hard to explain to someone who isn't a scientist but think about it. It had never been done before
00:55:19It was a huge opportunity for both scientific advancement and the war effort
00:55:25And I had the chance to collaborate with some of my heroes
00:55:29Look if Roosevelt hired you for a project. You didn't totally agree with you would still do it, right?
00:55:36Hmm. I do not think so in politics principles are everything
00:55:42Good one, but seriously, you'd have to understand that the chance was just too good to turn down
00:55:49And I have to say we really outdid our expectations. Oh
00:55:55You outdid yourselves, all right, and we are still not cognizant of what that excellence will cost the world
00:56:02Yeah, I know. I haven't forgotten that part. It's a beautiful day
00:56:07Let's not bring back any ghosts from the past. Okay, you're lucky ghosts cannot cross the oceans
00:56:14Two cities worth of specters sounds like more than Amos could handle
00:56:18On a scale of one to thermonuclear war, how guilty do you feel? Oh, I
00:56:27Think you know by now, can we please talk about something else?
00:56:31I just thought I would remind you after all we must learn from our mistakes. Oh
00:56:38So that's why Betty is an only child
00:56:41Was
00:56:44There ever a point where you thought to yourself
00:56:47Hey, maybe we should slow things down try to improve the microwave oven first
00:56:53After the first detonation, I did think that perhaps we had made a mistake
00:56:59Mankind was never meant to play with life itself this way on the bright side in one of our breaks
00:57:06We did manage to improve the microwave
00:57:09We call it the bite nuker. It could cook sealed cans of chef Mike's meatballs in five seconds flat
00:57:16Wait, what?
00:57:18One of Hilbert's unsolved mathematical problems
00:57:22Why do Mike's meatballs taste like sewage when cold but amazing at nuclear temperatures?
00:57:28Well, I never expected this question would lead to a whole conversation about Michael's meatballs
00:57:34Oh, yes, Mike's meatballs. You never see them coming
00:57:39This is entirely too gloomy a topic for such a lovely day
00:57:43Shall we drop it? Oh
00:57:45God, yes, please
00:57:50Are you happy with the class schedule for next year not at all
00:57:53I understand that this is grade school, but I really need more intellectual stimulation
00:58:00I have multiple advanced degrees and highly complex disciplines and
00:58:06Is this the part where you list all the fancy pieces of paper you have collected?
00:58:10I don't brag about my accomplishments. Not my astrophysics degree. Not my chemistry degree. Yeah
00:58:17Yeah, or my master's in engineering or the triple doctorate in cultural social and physical
00:58:23Anthropology my god, you must have a lot of free time
00:58:27I have my teaching degree my 200-hour temple and my degree in culinary arts
00:58:32Well, actually, I haven't finished that last one yet, but I'm nearly done an unfinished culinary degree
00:58:38This is deeply distressing news if you are not appropriately qualified to teach I'm afraid we must adjust your pay grade
00:58:46If you do that every field trip that children will take next year will be to Town Hall and I'm bringing the hamster
00:58:54Oh
00:58:55It was worth a shot
00:59:00We need to talk about my offspring's academic performance
00:59:04Eliza, it's a beautiful day
00:59:07Why do you want to ruin it by talking about your daughter? I need to make sure you are doing everything possible for her to graduate
00:59:15soon
00:59:17Graduation there's more chance of Ben French kissing Stalin than there is a Betty graduating
00:59:24She's a miss Eliza
00:59:26She even forgets to feed the hamster. Are you sure that hamster has clearly never missed a meal?
00:59:35Dr. Dixon, I know Betty is not the brightest or the most intellectual or the smartest or the not
00:59:43Dumbest but um for Darwin's sake Eliza, not that I care
00:59:48But you're her mother
00:59:50Is there nothing good you can say about her, uh, of course she is very good with animals
00:59:57Although she believes she can communicate with them think she can talk to animals. Huh? That gives me an idea
01:00:05Look since Betty will never pass. Why don't you have her join the circus?
01:00:11You disappoint me. Dr. Dixon. I thought you were taking this seriously. Oh, I am I am
01:00:18Think about it. She'd be away from home. She'd travel she'd meet new people and
01:00:25More importantly, she'd cease to be a problem for either of us
01:00:31There must be some way to raise my offspring's grades for the year
01:00:35What about her science project something about potatoes?
01:00:39She was so proud of it called it her greatest achievement
01:00:43Well, I wouldn't call it the greatest anything or even an achievement
01:00:48Still that potato battery did come out quite nicely
01:00:53Imagine my surprise when it didn't turn the room into a nuclear wasteland. I believe that is more your area of expertise
01:01:00If she did well, why do her marks not reflect this?
01:01:04Eliza it was the third grade science fair. Is she in third grade? This is outrageous. Dr. Dixon
01:01:11Why was my offspring punished for showing initiative? It's not that Eliza then
01:01:16What was it because I am certain she had no trouble surpassing a few eight-year-olds
01:01:26Look if it's any consolation
01:01:29She wouldn't have come in second had I graded it hard to beat a project that's powering the entire school, you know
01:01:36Oh, is that so?
01:01:39Then you would not mind if Town Hall stopped granting you subsidies
01:01:43Look, you stop asking where that money is going and I let Betty move up to the next grade deal
01:01:51Pleasure doing business with you doctor
01:01:56Do you think she's losing sleep over facing Betty next fall see for yourself
01:02:09Crikey that's a big one. Oh, does that answer your question?
01:02:17Seriously, do you think she will be able to handle Betty? I don't know. I'm concerned that she'll fall apart when she meets her
01:02:25Just like the others did
01:02:28She has been fully briefed. I told her everything there is to know about Betty and I think I know my own child. Dr
01:02:34Dixon, I don't think you know her as well as you think you do Eliza
01:02:40Wipe that smug look off your face. What are you not telling me?
01:02:45Where do I even start?
01:02:47Would you care to hear about the forgery the bullying or the tantrum?
01:02:54Another forgery
01:02:56Well, what did I allegedly give her permission for this time? Why don't I just show you?
01:03:01Here's the last note her mom sent me
01:03:07Dear ms. Dixon, how are you? I am fine. Betty cannot come to school today because she is dead
01:03:14Actually, she'll be dead for the rest of the year. So don't bother sending any homework home. Stay sexy Eliza
01:03:21If only she had nailed the closing line
01:03:24Honestly, it almost fooled me
01:03:26I went to your house to tell on her and I saw a coffin in the window
01:03:31I suppose we should work on drafting a formal letter over the summer. She got the signature right though. I
01:03:41Knew I did not approve that allowance increase agreements. Damn it offspring
01:03:46My
01:03:54Offspring has some flaws, but I would never call her a bully. What happened? Oh
01:03:59You will love this one
01:04:02She grabbed the exchange students and painted them purple from head to toe
01:04:07Whenever someone asked she just told them that smurfs deal with it. What even is a smurf?
01:04:13An excellent question
01:04:15But I have no answer to I must admit it is going to be hard not to laugh when I spank her for this one
01:04:24Honestly, I didn't call you about it because it was so funny
01:04:30What do you mean by a tantrum exactly
01:04:33Well, she failed the test again and told me she'd hold her breath until I changed the grade
01:04:39I
01:04:40Imagined my offspring actually went through with it. Yep fainted out cold right there in the classroom
01:04:47Don't worry Eliza. She probably didn't do too much damage
01:04:53I mean you have to have brain cells before you can deoxygenate them
01:04:58Enough. I know more than I wanted to wait one more thing
01:05:03She keeps making up words
01:05:05Good that shows creativity and when I correct her she refuses to accept it and says
01:05:12That's what I said in the first place
01:05:15gaslighting people
01:05:16Twisting their words around
01:05:18Maybe she has a future in politics after all that will be all dr. Dixon. I must be on my way
01:05:25Wait, Eliza. Have you heard from the old principal since he left?
01:05:29Mr. Feeney not a single word the nerve of that man
01:05:34Vacating his position without so much as a warning. He gave you more than enough warning Eliza
01:05:39I do not recall anything. Are you sure?
01:05:43I know he called you a hundred times and he wrote you at least once a week
01:05:47And I know you received a no Betty Day petition everyone in town signed it
01:05:54Again, none of that rings a bell
01:05:56Really? How about the massive neon pink blimp that red?
01:06:01Eliza it's either me or Betty
01:06:04Does that ring a bell?
01:06:07But did he make an appointment? I always have time for my citizens provided. They follow the correct procedure
01:06:16Eliza a word before you leave
01:06:19Dr. Dixon a raise is out of the question. No matter how you feel about it
01:06:23You know someone with my skills and intellect could be working could be working where Augustine?
01:06:30correct me if I am wrong, but did you not beg me to give you a job a
01:06:35Second chance at doing good in the world. Is that not what you said?
01:06:39Shaping young minds to create a better more peaceful future
01:06:43But if you have moved past all the death and destruction you caused then by all means
01:06:49Okay. Okay. No raise. I get it
01:07:01Ah
01:07:02What did I tell you Marco? It's about time. We met less Indica
01:07:07Sindaca that is Italian for
01:07:09Please excuse us. It means mayor
01:07:13our grasp of English is
01:07:16Improper. Yeah, never mind
01:07:18Do not be concerned mayor Eliza Barrett extends a warm welcome to everyone who is eligible to vote
01:07:26Forgive our manners. Let us introduce ourselves
01:07:29My name is Frank Cooper and me amigo here is Marco de Luca pleasure to meet you Sindaca
01:07:37To what do we owe such a distinguished visit?
01:07:42Gentlemen as you may know there is an election coming and I am looking to extend my influence. Ah, yes the election
01:07:50What do you think Marco? Should we vote for her? We could vote for her
01:07:56What might be in it for us if we did are you insinuating a bribe of some sort
01:08:06I'd say it's more of a we scratch your back you scratch ours kind of situation and
01:08:13How exactly do you suggest we do that?
01:08:16Please Marco
01:08:18Elaborate for the syndicate this town could certainly benefit from one of our company specialties
01:08:25Rental security and
01:08:27protection
01:08:28Most businesses are already on board, but we're having some trouble convincing
01:08:34Linda Valentine
01:08:36Allow me to guess she threatened to rent you into next week
01:08:40young people these days I
01:08:43Suppose if I managed to persuade miss Valentine to sign
01:08:47You might be persuaded to vote for me. Am I correct in my assumption?
01:08:52Exactly
01:08:58Gentlemen you have yourselves a deal I
01:09:03Like you syndicate make sure she signs everywhere she needs to
01:09:13Since you are new in town we should get to know each other
01:09:17It
01:09:20Seems as though your new life happened rather quickly
01:09:23It is almost as if you just appeared one day in that lovely mansion with your new business fully operational
01:09:30That is unusual. Is it not?
01:09:33Alright enough of this nonsense
01:09:35Are you wearing a wire? Are you setting us up?
01:09:38Marco Marco save your spy games for the bombini. It's a long story, but suffice to say we had a
01:09:47disagreement with our former employers in Chicago
01:09:51Relocating over a simple disagreement seems a bit excessive. Mr. Cooper
01:09:56Well when disagreements turn into debt threats you are left with no other choice
01:10:01Yeah, luckily for us the feds offered us protection and a relocation package in exchange for our
01:10:08Collateral and what exactly was this collateral if I may ask? Oh some client lists a couple phone numbers
01:10:16a jar a 140 year old sourdough starter
01:10:20Nothing big just enough for them to help us relocate
01:10:24Truly, il amico Ortega went above and beyond our expectations
01:10:29Why did you choose this town for your relocation?
01:10:32Agent Ortega told us the sheriff here is one of the best law enforcement officers he's ever seen
01:10:38And that he wouldn't trust anyone else to protect us
01:10:41Indeed we have enjoyed the lowest crime rate in the country for over 20 years. Thanks to Amos
01:10:48Knowing you and Ortega share the same opinion of him puts our minds at ease
01:10:52Just be sure to keep that information to yourselves if sheriff Coltrane knew I was satisfied with his performance he might start slacking off
01:11:02How peculiar agent Ortega said the exact same thing?
01:11:10I'm interested in hearing more about your company. Ah, yes, Rhino Co. My pride and joy
01:11:16I'm interested in hearing more about your company. Ah, yes, Rhino Co.
01:11:21My pride and joy as your current expansion rate. Nothing seems to be out of your reach and
01:11:27As a potential investor, I am very interested in where your company might be headed in the future
01:11:34Sure, we're getting into the mining business as well as insurance and protection services
01:11:40Of course, we will not abandon the classics
01:11:44Tourism
01:11:45Construction funeral services and contract killing. What was that last one again?
01:11:51Contract billing boss. You meant contract billing
01:11:55Now, yes, yes. Goosey. The English language is very
01:11:59debauchery, I
01:12:03Must ask why a barbershop you do not strike me as a people person. Mr. Cooper. Ah
01:12:10Syndicate there's something about holding a razor near someone's neck that makes them tell you things. They wouldn't even tell their mothers
01:12:19Yes, people do love to talk while getting a haircut
01:12:23Exactly makes it easy to extort a lot of information
01:12:28extract boss extract
01:12:32What exactly is the relationship between you two us Oh
01:12:37Nothing special just a man and his partner nothing more nothing less. Oh
01:12:44Well, I only mentioned it because I had heard some rumors about you two. Oh
01:12:49Have you now I have heard a few actually but the one that caught my attention
01:12:53Was the one about you two being Satanists. I beg your pardon syndicate
01:12:59Apparently loud screams moans and banging noises are heard from your home every night
01:13:04The explanation people seem to have is that you are sacrificing animals to the devil
01:13:12You wouldn't have a name for the unsavory individuals who spread them would you know, I cannot quite remit Michael
01:13:19It was Michael Walker owner of Mike's diner. You will find his home three streets down from your barbershop to the left
01:13:26Well, then Marco, I believe we have a lake trip ahead of us soon
01:13:35I do not wish to be rude
01:13:37But your mansion does not exactly fit in with the rest of the houses. It was not designed for this country
01:13:43Of course, we had a home ship from Italy brick by brick
01:13:48My cooler just came that must have been expensive
01:13:51Our good friend Ortega took it upon himself to make our time here as comfortable as possible
01:13:57Truly we are blessed by his friendship
01:14:00Well, you are certainly fortunate, but I cannot help but cringe when I see it
01:14:05The town planner would die if he saw how it clashed with the other homes
01:14:10He would not be the first to die because of that house
01:14:16Apologies syndicate he meant that the previous owners are no longer with us natural causes, of course
01:14:24If you are hiring I have a potential employee you might be interested in
01:14:29Ah, yes, I have heard of these political appointments
01:14:33So who is Latapa you wish to install my offspring?
01:14:37Well, I happen to me his daughter on the payroll could be advantageous
01:14:42But let me ask you this. What does she bring to the table?
01:14:53Oh
01:15:03She has marvelous problem-creating skills, don't you mean problem-solving I wish I did
01:15:11Troublemakers have their uses syndicate. I'm sure we have something for her
01:15:17One last thing before we finalize this though. Very important. What is your favorite Italian dish?
01:15:23take leotellio's
01:15:26No, never not in a million years
01:15:30Perhaps your daughter is better suited for other work syndicate. It was worth a try
01:15:40We need to talk about your pet
01:15:42Sparkles, what's wrong with me again? Oh, she is a ray of sunshine in a cloudy day syndicate
01:15:49She'd never heard a fly
01:15:54She'd never heard a fly
01:15:58without reason
01:16:01If you officially register her as a guard cat by next month and put up a warning sign, I will let this slide
01:16:08We'll get it done as soon as possible. I shall see you gentlemen another time. I live a dare cheat
01:16:23a
01:16:32Minute of your time. I can't why don't you drop by tomorrow for the opening party?
01:16:37I could use your support. I shall see what I can do. Oh
01:16:42I almost forgot here take one
01:16:47First drinks on me. That is a terrible policy
01:16:54I
01:16:56Liza I know you are very eager to inaugurate the bar
01:17:00But the opening is tomorrow and risk having someone else cut the tape before I do it again
01:17:06Not happening
01:17:24You
01:17:26You're late with the shipment again, that's the third time this month. I'm honestly surprised I made it out of there
01:17:34filthy nut smugglers
01:17:36They're becoming smarter and more organized by the day
01:17:40What are your orders take the secret route down to see you dad Juarez that should buy us some extra time
01:17:47Yeah, ma'am
01:17:54If
01:17:57You must force me to steal a work of art let it be one of actual value like a Monet or Van Gogh
01:18:05If you must force me let it be
01:18:12If I could replace it so easily with one of myself I would have done so already
01:18:24I
01:18:33Am contractually obligated to say the following
01:18:38Twinkies are a part of a balanced breakfast. I eat them every day and so should you
01:18:46Are you really in the mood for jibber-jabber
01:18:49Okay, but remember I tried to warn you do you have a moment Lorraine sure do what do you need
01:18:58So my dear nope, you do not even know what I was going to say
01:19:03Sure, I do
01:19:05You were gonna ask me if Tucker and I were voting for you in the next election
01:19:09Well, that just proves how little you know about me Lorraine
01:19:13That just proves how little you know about me Lorraine what I was actually going to say was
01:19:27Why
01:19:28Why would you say you would not vote for me? Have I not served the good people of my community?
01:19:33Well, my sacrifices my struggles all have been for the betterment of our great town
01:19:40Where eagles soar across the desert sky like winged messengers of freedom itself
01:19:45Wow
01:19:47Bravo Eliza, what a stirring speech
01:19:51It was very persuasive
01:19:54Still a no for me though after what happened to my old store. I don't think you should be in charge
01:20:02So that is what this is all about
01:20:04Lorraine about what happened to your last door
01:20:08Eliza, I'm sorry to be so blunt but get your head on straight
01:20:12Your kids a sweetheart, but she should never have access to a wrecking ball
01:20:17Come now Lorraine, you know, my offspring would never do anything to you
01:20:22She adores you. Oh, is that why she jumped out of the driver's seat and yelled?
01:20:28Suck it fruit lady. This is what you get for murdering my wife
01:20:32This is what you get for marking up your twinkies
01:20:35Amos has identified a cabal of international rodent agents armed to their buck teeth as the culprits
01:20:42Besides I personally arranged for the reconstruction of your store. I assure you our best engineer is working on it
01:20:50Bucky Eliza, he lays down one brick a day at this rate. I'll be dead before I can reopen
01:20:57I understand but Joseph is not the one to blame
01:21:01Construction is a long and arduous process that can take decades to complete. Oh, really?
01:21:08Because that's swimming pool behind your house only took three days
01:21:12But well, you know digging a hole is easier than building something
01:21:18One thing puzzles me about that incident at your old store, how could a wrecking ball cause an explosion of that magnitude?
01:21:27Explosion
01:21:29Eliza you're exaggerating
01:21:32Exaggerating dr. Dixon almost had a heart attack
01:21:36She ran into the desert and refused to come back for a week
01:21:39What in the name of Hamilton's Holy Quill did you have in that basement?
01:21:43the basement
01:21:45Nothing just some fireworks left over from last 4th of July. I was just saving them for the kids, you know
01:21:53Sparklers snappers little ones like that. You are telling me that massive explosion was because of some sparklers
01:22:00Well, they were very high quality
01:22:06Going back to that unfortunate incident with your store. Do you enjoy torturing me?
01:22:11I
01:22:21Think it is time to settle your complaint about the construction plans
01:22:26Sure, you can start by telling me your plans for the third floor of my building
01:22:31Nobody at Town Hall dared to tell me
01:22:35Relax Lorraine
01:22:37it is just a plan B in case my attempts to return the orphans to Corona fall through I
01:22:42Guarantee you there is nothing to be worried about
01:22:46Oh, I know how your plans pan out Eliza, which means your plan C is dropping those kids in my lap
01:22:52Well, would that be such a bad thing Lorraine? You must have wanted children at some point
01:22:59You should give it a chance
01:23:00Children are the most precious gift we can receive
01:23:04Look me in the eye and say that again Eliza
01:23:07Say it like you mean it. I
01:23:10I cannot you will not saddle me with several mouths to feed for the next 10 years
01:23:16Just because it's convenient for you. Now. Give me back my shark tank shark tank
01:23:22Why would you ever want a shark tank? What are you some sort of spy movie villain?
01:23:27At least shark pups swim away immediately after they are born
01:23:36How much did you lose in terms of produce $50
01:23:42$50 more like 5 million
01:23:47Acorns yes a year's worth of acorns
01:23:51Acorns
01:23:53Look on the bright side
01:23:54The only bright thing in this mess was the white flash that took my star for me. Oh, do not be so melodramatic Lorraine
01:24:03Townhall paid for the building you are in a better spot and Amos is nearby. Should you need assistance?
01:24:09Joy, I usually let Amos handle this sort of thing. Oh, oh, no, no, dear
01:24:15No need to bother the sheriff about this
01:24:18Everything's just fine
01:24:19All right, Lorraine. I must be taking my leave
01:24:23Have a nice day, sweetheart
01:24:25Eliza wait
01:24:26Don't you think there's something we should go over before you leave?
01:24:31It's that time of year after all
01:24:35Christmas
01:24:36Nonsense, that's still a few months away. Don't play coy with me Eliza. Now. Let's take it from the top. Shall we?
01:24:48Well, well, well, isn't this a beautiful day it sure is dear but
01:24:56something's missing
01:24:57You're right. What I really need to feel complete as a person is something sweet and yummy
01:25:04Don't worry. I've got just the thing for you
01:25:07Twinkies
01:25:10Twinkies Wow
01:25:13Sounds delicious
01:25:15Here have a bite
01:25:18Mmm
01:25:24That's exactly what I've been missing all my life I
01:25:29Am mayor Eliza Barrett and I approve these Twinkies
01:25:39Now that wasn't so bad was it dear
01:25:42At least this cursed endorsement pays for all the offspring's messes