Category
🎮️
GamingTranscript
00:00:00Mom, I'm back!
00:00:20Mom?
00:00:24Mom?
00:00:30Huh, where did she go?
00:00:35Hey there, uh, Chuck. Have you seen Mom?
00:00:42Yeah, thought so.
00:00:45Maybe I should stop wasting time talking to ferns and start asking real people.
00:00:50I'm afraid Chuck wouldn't be very comfortable in my pocket.
00:01:02President Lincoln, always full of surprises. And lead.
00:01:08A peek? Sure. But becoming another file on her desk? No thank you.
00:01:14There's no way I can fit that in my pocket.
00:01:38Hmm. Closed.
00:01:50Necronomicon Ex Mortis. The Book of the Dead.
00:01:55Looks like a cookbook to me, but the ingredients are pretty peculiar.
00:02:00Hmm, I'm not big on books, but something compels me to peek inside this one.
00:02:07This looks great, but I have a feeling we should read more before we do anything else.
00:02:20Why isn't this working? Maybe...
00:02:24This looks great, but I have a feeling we should read more before we do anything else.
00:02:30A crushed soul and an unbelievably sharp sword? Not sure I can find those at Lorraine's.
00:02:43Why isn't this working? Maybe we should read the rest.
00:03:00You will suffer!
00:03:10Whoa, where did the book go? I probably can't take it too far from the office.
00:03:16One, two, follow you. Three, four, hit the floor. Five, six, just a prick. Seven, eight, you can't escape. Nine, ten, together again.
00:03:46I have another song for you to sing, you tiny freaks. Go!
00:03:52Hey kids, everything alright?
00:03:54Everything was perfect until your arrival disrupted us.
00:03:58Whoa, you kids take playing really seriously.
00:04:02We are not playing. We are patrolling.
00:04:06Sheesh, sorry. I just wanted to ask you a few things.
00:04:10Our interaction is not scheduled until 7am.
00:04:14Can you make an exception?
00:04:17Since you take such good care of Chuck, we will allow it.
00:04:22What seems to be the pickle, Betty?
00:04:26Tired of splashing around already?
00:04:29Aquatic activities can prove dangerous to our continued well-being.
00:04:35The rule is we must limit our contact with water to hydration purposes.
00:04:41Oh, come on. As if anyone would ever drown in a puddle like that.
00:04:46Do we need to remind you why that rule exists?
00:04:50Yes?
00:04:52It was implemented in response to a community member's head becoming lodged in a goldfish bowl.
00:04:59What a loser. Who'd be that dumb, am I right?
00:05:04Uh, shouldn't you kids be sleeping? It's kind of late, you know.
00:05:07Due to the disruption in today's schedule, Mr. Huckleberry will not play our resting tune until the missed work time has been made up.
00:05:17Aw, you have to wait for your lullaby before you go sleepy-weepy.
00:05:23Yes, and until that time, we must perform our assigned task of identifying those who threaten our community and alerting the authorities through our chants.
00:05:34Ah, you're playing hero vigilantes! I probably should have guessed that.
00:05:40Why are you talking like tiny professors all of a sudden? Have you been spending too much time with Ms. Dixon?
00:05:46Your assertion is incorrect. Our interactions with Ms. Dixon are limited to school hours.
00:05:53To address your query regarding our hyperlexia, you are, of course,
00:05:57gressiant of the need to construct Lexis that is both appropriate for contemporaneous linguistic norms and for synthesizing with greater North American social norms.
00:06:22Lexis?
00:06:24Lexis? Sorry kids, but I'm not very up to date with comic books.
00:06:29Betty, Lexis refers to the usage and complexity of the vocabulary, or what you might call, words.
00:06:38Those are crappy superpowers.
00:06:40Betty, your inability to process multi-syllabic vocabulary has always been one of your most defining characteristics.
00:06:49I know, I'm awesome.
00:06:50Debatable. We shall return to our duties now.
00:06:54Yeah, right. Go back to your stupid games, smartasses.
00:07:02Uh, can't you sing something more cheerful?
00:07:05Tell us, Betty. Are our chants un-beauteous to you?
00:07:10I wouldn't say they're un-be- un-un-boo- uh, bad. They just creep me out.
00:07:15To sing a different arrangement would be highly unorderly.
00:07:19Complaining is also highly unorderly.
00:07:23Please proceed to re-examination at your earliest convenience.
00:07:30Have you seen my mom around?
00:07:32We certainly did.
00:07:34Well, where is she?
00:07:36Our social rank prevented us from knowing the mayor's location.
00:07:40All we know is, she is currently not in town.
00:07:46You wouldn't know who might be aware, would you?
00:07:49Her whereabouts are usually known to Mr. Buckingham, the janitor.
00:07:55Great! And where can I find him?
00:07:58His whereabouts are usually known to Ms. Barrett, the mayor.
00:08:02Great! Back to searching for Mom.
00:08:05Betty, search for Mr. Buckingham.
00:08:07Back to searching for Mom.
00:08:09Betty, searching for your parental figure is not your duty.
00:08:14Your sole task is to provide Chuck, your superior, with his daily dose of nutrients and hydration.
00:08:22Chuck Schmuck? Why doesn't anyone ever worry about my hydration levels?
00:08:27Keep chanting. I'll go somewhere else.
00:08:30That is positive news, which enlightens our hearts.
00:08:38Betty, what the hell is going on?
00:08:42Hey, Windsurf. How's it going?
00:08:44Betty, please. This is no time for absurd nicknames.
00:08:48Don't you realize something's terribly wrong?
00:08:51What are you talking about?
00:08:53The people, Betty. Don't they look a little different to you?
00:08:56Nonsense! Nothing escapes my watchful gaze.
00:09:00Maybe you should keep an eye on them.
00:09:03Uh, are you okay, man?
00:09:06Either you deserve an Academy Award, or you are the dumbest person alive.
00:09:11So, I guess that's a no. Sorry to hear that, Wonderfork.
00:09:18Since you're so well-informed, you got any advice for me?
00:09:22Listen closely, Betty. Act normal, don't ask too many questions, and don't draw too much attention to yourself.
00:09:28Most importantly, do not let them realize you're not one of them.
00:09:32But I am one of them!
00:09:35Look, if you're gonna listen to anything I say, listen to this.
00:09:40Keep an eye on the townsfolk.
00:09:43I'd better get going. Just keep an eye out for trouble, okay, Wilting Kale?
00:09:49May God have mercy on our souls.
00:09:58Let's go.
00:10:16The hour grows late, and Betty comes into my church seeking counsel.
00:10:21Is there something you wish to say to me, Betty?
00:10:24I come in peace, Father, I swear.
00:10:25As the code bestowed upon us states, those who abandon order, if they return to it willingly, shall be welcomed back into the fold.
00:10:35Letting bygones be bygones? Neat. Anyway, I could use some guidance, Father.
00:10:40Ask, and you shall receive.
00:10:46I found this really ominous book, written in some weird language and bound in what appears to be human flesh.
00:10:55What about it concerns you, Betty?
00:10:58I don't know. Shouldn't you be concerned about the existence of this clearly demonic book?
00:11:03Demons are magical beings, and magic does not exist. Therefore, there is no need to be concerned.
00:11:09Magic doesn't exist? No!
00:11:20That's a shiny cup you got there.
00:11:22It is said to provide eternal happiness, youth, and an infinite abundance of...
00:11:29Of bottom-shelf booze, I'm guessing? Hold up, are you drinking that crap out of the Holy Grail?
00:11:34A cup is a cup. It would be unorderly to drink out of anything else. And I can stop whenever I so desire.
00:11:43Sure you can.
00:11:45I speak the truth.
00:11:47Then prove it. Hand it over.
00:11:53Here, you may have this.
00:11:57I no longer...
00:12:00No! Give it back! Give it back!
00:12:03I no longer have need of it.
00:12:09I gotta go.
00:12:11Then safe partings to you, Betty. May order be with you.
00:12:22Something strange is going on.
00:12:53Hello again, Tortellini.
00:12:55Nightly greetings, Betty.
00:12:57Nightly greetings, indeed.
00:13:00Wow, you're in a really good mood. Have you been to anger management?
00:13:05Anger? That would be very unorderly.
00:13:10Marco, remain motionless. I do not wish to accidentally lacerate your ear.
00:13:17Most assuredly, Angelo. I shall maintain my current state of motionlessness.
00:13:24Hmm, they're friendly all of a sudden. Suspicious. Maybe I should be careful. Nah, when has the Mafia ever stabbed someone in the back?
00:13:37I thought you'd be back in your crib after our, uh, encounter.
00:13:42Sleep is scheduled for midnight. Until then, we are tasked with maintaining the aesthetic integrity of our fellow citizens.
00:13:52Tell us, why are you here? Your hair does not require maintenance, as it is drawn that way.
00:14:00You really think somebody would come for a trim at this time of night?
00:14:04Certainly. Everyone knows the importance of having an orderly appearance.
00:14:09But wouldn't your hair get messed up when you went to sleep?
00:14:12Not if you slept in an orderly fashion, Betty.
00:14:15What happened to sleeping with the fishes?
00:14:18Fishes? Sleeping underwater is very unorderly, Betty. You would be unable to breathe.
00:14:25If you are considering sleeping in unorderly locations, I would suggest you attend re-examination at your earliest convenience.
00:14:38What happened to your Italian?
00:14:40Everyone in our community speaks within the established parameters of the standard English language.
00:14:47But earlier tonight, you weren't.
00:14:50If that were true, we would be awaiting re-examination. Currently, we are not awaiting re-examination. Therefore, you must be in error.
00:15:00Now, Betty, unless you have questions related to grooming or personal maintenance, you should return to your assigned duties.
00:15:16Don't you think you're done with that shave? If you keep going, you might hit Bone.
00:15:21For Angelo to reach my skull, he would have to purposefully stab me with his scissors, and that would be highly unorderly.
00:15:30Worry not, Betty. There are 0.27 inches of connective tissues between the skin and the cranium.
00:15:38I'm pretty sure you just pulled those numbers out of your hat.
00:15:41That would be impossible, as I am not wearing a hat.
00:15:45Nightly farewell, I guess.
00:15:48Likewise.
00:16:08I wish I'd never set foot in this cursed goddamn town.
00:16:11Well, looks like it's going to be yet another lonely night in this cell.
00:16:18Your eyes! They're not... you're not like them!
00:16:22Like them? What are you talking about? Who are you?
00:16:26Never mind. I haven't spoken to anyone in months. Who are you? What's happening?
00:16:32Rule is, the guy in the cage answers the questions first.
00:16:37I'm Lazlo. Lazlo Hardy, a professional security alarm salesman. Can I interest you in...
00:16:45Sorry, force of habit. And you are?
00:16:49I'm Betty, professional problem solver.
00:16:52And you are?
00:16:54I'm Betty, professional problem solver.
00:16:56Sorry, force of habit. And you are?
00:16:59I'm Betty, professional problem solver.
00:17:02You wouldn't happen to be here to free me, would you?
00:17:05Just because I solve problems doesn't mean I can solve all of them.
00:17:08No.
00:17:11How did you end up in jail?
00:17:14It was all a setup!
00:17:19Isn't that what every inmate says, Mr. Hardy?
00:17:22No! Listen to me! I'm telling the truth!
00:17:26They got the FBI to frame me for something I didn't do!
00:17:30The FBI? Really?
00:17:33Yes! And the sheriff's in on it too! They all ganged up on me!
00:17:37Watch it! Sheriff Coltrane is one of the best sheriffs this town can remember!
00:17:43One of the best sheriffs, huh?
00:17:46Well, if you like the guy so much, why don't you marry him?
00:17:49The hell did that come from?
00:17:50Just leave me alone, would you?
00:17:55So, did you actually do anything bad? Tell me the truth!
00:18:02The only thing I'm guilty of is maybe overselling my products a teensy bit.
00:18:09Come on, you can tell old Betty what happened.
00:18:13Okay, I came to this town to pitch a new alarm system to the mayor.
00:18:17But that pig-headed woman turned me down!
00:18:21Since when do salespeople take rejection personally?
00:18:25That's because it wasn't just one. It was THE one!
00:18:29I'd never failed a sale before, so I spent a few days drowning my sorrows at Max's.
00:18:35Let me tell you, I was drunker than a mule on Cinco de Mayo.
00:18:39I ended up in the park, and then... I saw it!
00:18:44What was it?
00:18:45The bank's alarm system.
00:18:48A Templeton's Unsafe 5000. An insult to everything I hold dear.
00:18:54Long story short, it turns out that aggravated alarm assault on the same night someone robs the bank was a bad idea.
00:19:02They charged me with grand larceny, threw me in here, and that's where I've been since.
00:19:08Well, that sucks.
00:19:12Do they even feed you down here?
00:19:13Ugh, yeah. They keep bringing me this gloopy thing.
00:19:17Did you really?
00:19:20Hell no! I've been feeding it to the rats and roaches.
00:19:24What rats and roaches?
00:19:26Exactly.
00:19:31I just wanted to catch up with you. You know, what you've been up to, the places you've seen.
00:19:37Oh, look at you, mocking an innocent man.
00:19:43I was so pale from being down here all year that I could scare a ghost.
00:19:55I'd rather not get myself arrested, thank you.
00:19:58I'd rather not get myself arrested, thank you.
00:20:02Hmm, I wonder how long...
00:20:04thank you hmm I wonder how long
00:20:13what was that oh no why are you here now I thought I had until next week
00:20:27no please don't I don't have all of it yet but but it's coming I just need more
00:20:33time I swear amos amos I need gloopy and I need it now please please I'm begging
00:20:46you it's not my fault my suppliers late
00:20:51no not my legs please one more day just one more day oh thank you thank you so much I'm
00:21:11so sorry it won't happen again tomorrow double the amount I swear to God
00:21:41nightly greetings Betty what seems to be the pickle hey there bestie crazy night but
00:22:00nothing I couldn't handle that is positive news which enlightens my heart guess he fixed
00:22:08given your absence at the moment of power restoration I had already determined that
00:22:14geez Linda you had to ruin my moment ninja apologies thanks to your efforts the situation
00:22:21has returned to normal wait until you see mom's face when I tell her she'll be so proud agreed
00:22:27she was always pleased when her orders are followed you have served this community well
00:22:32all of us can now resume our scheduled activities what's up with your eyes my eyes are functioning
00:22:46normally Betty but they are shiny and yours appear to have lost their spark please attend
00:22:55re-examination at your earliest convenience I'll keep that on my list of things not to do
00:23:02I found a super-secret military base your job did not involve exploring the base why did you
00:23:15deviate from your established mission wait you knew about the base all this time by the way that
00:23:22general and I best buds forever if your visit was related to the generals business then everything
00:23:29is orderly I think I'm good for now a fond farewell Betty I think I'm starting to draw
00:23:42too much attention to myself perhaps I could fill my time but is it just me or was that a very
00:23:52awkward conversation hey Lorraine everything all right indubitably so Wow have you been hanging
00:24:09out with miss Dixon I have not what makes you say that never mind you got any fruit I can eat
00:24:33Betty as our regulations clearly dictate all food must be acquired and consumed within the
00:24:41confines of Mike's diner you're kidding right the trip to the dam must have been exhausting if you
00:24:48require an additional ration proceed to Mike's diner I'm totally doing that not careful why a
00:25:07flock of avian creatures is no cause for concern Wow Lorraine I knew shock therapy worked but I
00:25:14didn't think it worked this fast ah pigeons such a noble and majestic creatures nice talking to
00:25:28you Lorraine our exchange of information has successfully concluded I'm pretty sure I love
00:25:38Twonkies as much as the next person but that one is going to be hard to chew
00:26:08I'll never get used to that's weird I don't smell anything oh no I've lost my sense of smell
00:26:32always attempting to metaphorically pull our leg as you are well aware gloopy is odorless it is one
00:26:42of its most distinguishing characteristics followed by its lack of color texture and flavor what the
00:26:51hell's a gloopy I present to you the latest batch of gloopy consumption is compulsory in fact you
00:27:06are within an acceptable time frame for advancing your meal service I will provide you with
00:27:13nourishment shortly hmm I think I'd rather eat raw human brain with all the risks involved
00:27:30you come into my diner as if you own the place and dare insult my food I choose my next words
00:27:44carefully if I were you Betty sorry apologies Betty I seem to have undergone an unorderly
00:27:58outburst where were we ah yes gloopy no
00:28:17please follow all rules and regulations associated with Mike's diner and its products rule one do not
00:28:25make disparaging comments about the chef's skills is it considered disparaging to ask questions
00:28:32about the chef's skills for example could the current chef be replaced by one possessing
00:28:38actual skills mr. slim your comment indicates dissatisfaction you must require additional
00:28:46nutritional intake I will give you a double portion of gloopy it must be consumed in its
00:28:53entirety before you may leave the premises I deeply regret my unwarranted outburst chef
00:28:59Walker your position is secure and no other individual can do the work to your standard
00:29:05please do not allocate additional nutrients to me they should be equally distributed so all may
00:29:13enjoy if there are no further unorderly interruptions I will continue rule to consume
00:29:20gloopy using your mouth it is unorderly to fill other orifices with gloopy rule three any gloopy
00:29:29that succumbs to gravity must be reclaimed and eaten immediately trace minerals and proteins
00:29:35that stick to the dropped gloopy and are subsequently consumed will be subtracted
00:29:39from your next ration to ensure perfect nutritional balance miss Jones I challenge
00:29:45you to recall and supply the fourth rule rule four it is recommended that no one insult taunt
00:29:52or heckle gloopy should you do so Mike Steiner is not responsible for any retaliation gloopy
00:29:57commits how diverting rule five is next and it is one I particularly approve of if you have
00:30:05complaints about gloopy please follow the proper procedure step one do not complain about gloopy
00:30:13step two if you cannot avoid criticizing gloopy refer to step one mr. slim the following rule
00:30:21applies to your gloopy distribution role please continue ah yes rule six if you find consuming
00:30:31gloopy to be difficult or uncomfortable please let us know we will be happy to zoom the spoon
00:30:38around and pretend it is a little airplane rule 7 please do not flush unwanted gloopy down the
00:30:44toilet gloopy is not compatible with the local sewer system if gloopy emerging from your body
00:30:50is a different color than when it entered please seek medical care immediately rule 8 gloopy is
00:30:58slated for consumption only inappropriate uses of gloopy include but are not limited to the
00:31:04following deicing windshields killing slugs curling your chest hair or perking up your
00:31:11gardenias all gloopy use violations must be reported to the priest rule 9 please do not
00:31:19attempt to deliberately alter gloopy with additional components doing so can result in
00:31:25injury or death don't screw with my recipes I'm proud of them damn it chef Walker that was highly
00:31:35unorderly you know that pride is not permitted apologies I am NOT proud I am only performing
00:31:42my assigned duties shiny pardon me sorry I couldn't help myself your head you know it's
00:31:57just I have a thing for shiny things how interesting now Betty what seems to be the
00:32:04pickle hey slim what about a dance why would I perform the act of dancing knowing it is unorderly
00:32:13since when is dancing unorderly musical activities are forbidden with the sole exceptions of mr.
00:32:22huckleberry's guitar the alarm call of the younglings and the song of unorderliness what
00:32:28happened to that cocky flirtatious slim from just a few hours ago flirting that is the epitome of
00:32:35unorderly behavior why would I do something like that oh that's too bad I was just thinking about
00:32:44how I was finally ready to ask you on a big romantic date wait really you want to go out
00:32:53with me all right let's go babe mr. slim you are behaving unorderly again apologies chef
00:33:02Walker it will not happen again remember that this would be your 18th re-examination in a
00:33:09month you are at risk of termination 18 the teacher must really love you to give you so
00:33:15many chances to pass mr. slim has a predisposition to sudden outbursts when in close proximity to
00:33:22subjects of the female gender working in close proximity to miss Jones does not help what's that
00:33:31song of unorderliness you mentioned allow us to demonstrate mr. huckleberry if you're unorderly
00:33:44and you know it clap your hands if you're unorderly and you know it clap your hands
00:33:52if you're unorderly and you know it and you really wanna show it if you're unorderly and
00:33:58you know it clap your hands Betty were you clapping no to clap when prompted by the song
00:34:12is highly unorderly please attend re-examination at your earliest convenience catch you later slim
00:34:20there is no need to catch me I am NOT going anywhere Betty all songs in the jukebox have
00:34:34been classified as unorderly turn it off immediately fine hey there princess Dolores
00:34:49your highness are you speaking to me yeah I don't see anyone else here with a royal title there is
00:34:59no one here by that name my name is Carrie Ann Jones what seems to be the pickle Betty I don't
00:35:11remember your eyes being so shiny my eyes are functioning normally Betty however yours appear
00:35:18to have lost their spark you mean that my soul does not shine as brightly as it once did or
00:35:24perhaps that I am merely a husk of what I was before your thinking process has deepened
00:35:30impressively it has also significantly darkened are you perhaps in need of re-examination deep
00:35:38and dark what are they underwater or something false alarm you are exhibiting expected Betty
00:35:45behaviors it appears there is no need for re-examination damn miss Dixon's exam was hard
00:35:53miss Dixon conducted your examination that is most unorderly of her only military personnel
00:36:01are authorized to conduct examinations why would the military be in charge of giving exams I mean
00:36:07isn't that a job for a teacher the current protocol establishes examinations are to be conducted solely
00:36:14by the highest ranking community members in our case that would be the military okay but hear me
00:36:20out what if the soldier in charge of examination needs examination in that case it would fall to
00:36:26a higher ranking officer but what if that person also needs examination then it would fall to the
00:36:33next higher ranking officer all the way up to the general himself but what if the general needed
00:36:39examination who examines him there is only one community member that outranks the general and
00:36:45that is me no Betty not you you seem more unorderly than usual today please proceed
00:36:53to re-examination at your earliest convenience how about we give miss Dixon a taste of her own
00:37:07medicine see how she likes it eh thanks to your report she will now face the consequences of her
00:37:13actions hell yeah Carrie we'll get her good correction the military will oh well I sure
00:37:21hope miss Dixon won't get in trouble if she fails if she does not pass her re-examination she will
00:37:27be terminated I mean firing her might be kind of harsh but that'll teach her not to mess with Betty
00:37:34have you heard Slim's had to retake his exams 18 times this month yes I am aware why so many if
00:37:44that's how high school works here I'm moving mr. slim is a curious individual the longer he remains
00:37:51in the vicinity of a female the more he requires re-examination I bet all that flirting is taking
00:37:57a toll on his grades maybe we should send him back to kindergarten unfortunately that is not
00:38:03an acceptable solution but worry not Betty mr. Slim's troubles will end once he is terminated
00:38:09I have a better idea put him in charge of watering Chuck admirable attempt Betty admirable attempt
00:38:17does everyone take as many exams as slim the top three re-examined individuals this month are third
00:38:29John slim second Betty Anderson first Benzin wait Ben still in high school isn't he like a
00:38:37hundred or something mr. Zinn requires examination almost every time he sees a red item that's not
00:38:44fair I demand his immediate disqualification we cannot do that Betty however based on your
00:38:51current projections I estimate you will be in the lead by the end of the month
00:38:55wait damn it I didn't think that through never mind I'll see you later I will see
00:39:03you again for your next appointed mealtime wow that's what I call deep sleep what's in
00:39:18that food chloroform is he all right I don't think he's breathing I think someone should
00:39:26call an ambulance I'm not putting my fingerprints on him what's in that food chloroform the
00:39:33mandatory rations are indeed filling it would be unorderly of me to expect them to be flavorful
00:39:38as well and risk angering Mike sorry but I am not cleaning that kitchen the nutritional
00:39:50integrity of the community is my utmost priority I stand ready to disperse rations in an efficient
00:39:58and timely manner I've done enough breaking and entering for one night too soon I've done
00:40:18enough breaking and entering for one night
00:40:49I'd rather not disrespect the fallen I don't think my bare hands are an adequate tool for
00:41:02this one too nightly greetings citizen community members
00:41:32are not permitted to access this area yeah and who are you to tell me that I am deputy
00:41:38clay McCord I am performing my assigned duty of not permitting community members to access
00:41:43this area oh really then why weren't you here earlier the disparity between our social ranks
00:41:50does not allow me to share that kind of information with you whatever I'll just come back later
00:41:57returning would be considered highly unorderly please leave this restricted area immediately
00:42:10he's a local hero
00:42:16for a limited time only you can buy one taco for the price of two and receive a second taco
00:42:22no extra chat and become a prime suspect
00:42:32hey there I have no words for how impressed I am
00:42:35approbation is not what I seek although Hank would love to hear you speak
00:42:43your eyes are so shiny while yours have become dimmer but worry not I know how to restore their
00:42:50glimmer are you offering to give me shiny eyes I'm listening then hear my proclamation
00:42:57you must go to re-examination on second thought no thanks anything that has the word examine it
00:43:03is something I want to avoid with that you have planted the seed of suspicion
00:43:09pray it does not come to fruition so did you find that new and explosive sound you were looking for
00:43:19no do not spread such a tale or the sheriff will put me in jail now that you can play better I'm
00:43:25sure you'll be fine I must not go beyond what is established unless you want old Hank to vanish
00:43:32I announce curfew in all its beauty disruptive sounds are not my duty what are you talking
00:43:38about you do not seem to comprehend so it is time for this talk to end
00:43:48so what did you do to the bank are you accusing me of complicity is it because of my ethnicity
00:43:56what no you just happen to be standing in the middle of a crime scene so
00:44:00I thought I'd ask do not worry about the bank honey in this community we need no money
00:44:08why are you out here playing the guitar so late shouldn't you be doing something else
00:44:14what a preposterous proposition I am just performing my mission mission what mission
00:44:20I play a Bersu's every night so all the good citizens can sleep tight when my fingers touch
00:44:26the strings our friends will not fret about past things first what are you trying to confuse me
00:44:33with difficult words because it's definitely working all good Hank just keep on jamming
00:44:42I will certainly do that Betty my guitar is always ready
00:44:48okay I'm getting answers but I think I should quit while I'm ahead
00:44:53wait who are you leave me alone Keopalo's offspring
00:45:13what'd you just call me leave me alone you spawn of
00:45:25wait you you're different you're not one of them anymore if by one of them you mean people living
00:45:32in this town I am still one of them no you don't understand one of them like
00:45:40uh never mind Betty hey how do you know my name I never even mentioned it your mother and I were
00:45:47inseparable once before she went freaking crazy my name's Maxwell now keep your voice down and
00:45:56maybe we could talk weird question but what's wrong with your eyes my eyes are perfectly fine
00:46:08I think what you meant was why don't they shine like everyone else's I guess sure in case you
00:46:15haven't noticed Betty there's something dreadful going on with the people in this town what
00:46:22happened to them almost a year ago the military started capturing people and turning them orderly
00:46:29I know they're doing something but I don't have the slightest clue what we can't just
00:46:34leave them like that Max there must be something we can do right
00:46:40believe me kid I tried everything I could think of and nothing worked I know you want my help
00:46:47but after a year of watching all my friends being taken away while I sit here helpless
00:46:52I just don't have it in me anymore Betty I'm sorry don't give up Max please if we lose hope
00:46:59what do we have left hope it's too late for me you on the other hand I think you might actually
00:47:07succeed where I've failed well if you start asking the right questions that is what do you mean the
00:47:14right questions well for starters why did they choose this town why has everyone been like this
00:47:22for a whole year and for that matter why doesn't anyone on the outside seem to know that this is
00:47:27happening huh yeah I guess after a year someone must have noticed wait you said everyone's been
00:47:35like this for a year like including me I'm afraid so kid but here's an even better question for you
00:47:43why aren't you like them anymore
00:47:45not to be indelicate but what the heck happened to you I had everything I ever wanted a great
00:47:52career good friends and I had just opened my dream business oh I barely had time to savor the moment
00:48:01before everything went south I was lucky enough to escape into the desert but once I made it out
00:48:08I couldn't come back without attracting their attention I had no idea what was going on
00:48:14without attracting their attention I waited for weeks observing their every move and scraping out
00:48:21a living with my survival training eventually I was able to sneak back in and I've been hiding
00:48:28from them ever since why did you come back because I haven't given up Betty I want to
00:48:35stay here and protect the people I love besides the roads are all closed
00:48:40I still have questions about all this weirdness okay but be discreet they might be listening
00:48:53how did you manage to hide from them for this long I've been lucky enough to avoid their so-called
00:48:58examination thus far I was trained in the art of stealth by top military personnel
00:49:04also people tend to avoid actually looking at or speaking to homeless people
00:49:09that's extremely depressing you're depressed I live in a box okay fair
00:49:18what's this examination anyway I don't know what it is exactly or how it works the only
00:49:25thing I know is that it turns you into some kind of helpless puppet for a year I've been
00:49:30watching as those less fortunate than myself were taken away good people good friends Betty
00:49:38listen to me these people are not the same people you've known all your life something has twisted
00:49:45them there's a darkness and emptiness inside them now you've got to be careful whatever you do
00:49:53they can't find out you're not like them anymore
00:49:56what have you eaten all this time leftovers scavenged from anywhere I could get them
00:50:05even from my yes Betty even from Mike Steiner
00:50:17oh my god in survival situations you take what you get Betty you take what you get
00:50:26seriously now why are their eyes so shiny I would like to know that myself kid okay but if you had to
00:50:42guess what would you say it was I've seen something like this before when the army was testing some
00:50:48mind-controlled device prototype but this is way more sophisticated than anything they managed to
00:50:54do wait are you suggesting that someone is controlling everyone's minds here's what I know
00:51:03everyone follows the rules and stays completely calm at all times everything looks perfect to a
00:51:10casual observer right yeah I guess in my experience no one puts that much effort into making everything
00:51:18look perfect unless they're trying to hide something so the question is what are they hiding
00:51:29I found a military base near the dam know anything about it whatever they found it was important
00:51:35enough to build that base overnight what do you think they're hiding I don't know but it's big
00:51:41and it's probably bad very bad
00:51:47when I find my mom she'll put an end to this don't get your hopes up kid she could very well be one
00:51:53of them by now even more of a reason to find her I have my own reasons to look for Eliza
00:51:59so I'll do whatever I can to help you so how do you know mom have a seat Betty I'm going to tell
00:52:09you the story of how I met your mother I don't have all the time in the world you know well then
00:52:14I'll give you the long story short version I was surfing on Oahu one day when I saw her I've never
00:52:20seen anyone shredding barrels in a pantsuit before my mom knows how to surf oh yes she does
00:52:28anyway she started waving to me from her board I thought she was just being friendly at first
00:52:34but then I realized she was trying to warn me there was a huge shark on my tail
00:52:41did you die um no I thought I was a goddard for sure but your mother flung herself right at the
00:52:49shark shouting if you bite so much as his pinky toe I'll sue you and your family back to the stone
00:52:56age lawyers and sharks must speak the same language because it swam away pretty damn quickly
00:53:01after that your mother and I have been friends ever since tell me more about your business
00:53:11it was my dream to open my own bar and I did but it had barely been open for a week before it was
00:53:19gone just gone like ashes in the wind
00:53:31what do you mean by gone all my hopes dreams and savings reduced to ashes my precious bar
00:53:39my joy what was there a fire or something fire fire
00:53:48fire bad very bad
00:53:55hey whoa I'm sorry I didn't realize you had such a thing about fire
00:54:04oops sorry it just slipped out
00:54:09never and I mean never ever mention that again
00:54:13the word itself sears a brand of stunning anguish across my heart
00:54:20then what happened to your bar it was the vilest of betrayals the most atrocious act of cruelty
00:54:27and the worst part is that it was all perpetrated by my oldest and dearest friend are you sure this
00:54:33person was your friend uh yes no oh so much has happened I really don't know anymore Betty
00:54:42well look on the bright side at least you didn't die in that fire
00:54:49I swear I don't do these things on purpose
00:54:51what's that thing what thing the fuse you're playing with can I have it no it's mine finders
00:55:06keepers I'll give it right back pinky promise oh if you make a pinky promise then by all means
00:55:13please go ahead really no that was mean oh fine you can have it
00:55:22just don't start bawling or your mom will never forgive me for making you cry
00:55:29well see you later max I won't stay here for long so who knows max one thing I found this
00:55:37really weird book in my mom's office I'm not sure why but I think it hungers for my flesh
00:55:44just a feeling oh you must mean the necronomicon ex mortis the book of the dead we had a blast
00:55:51with that book when we were younger your mom and I but what is it even good for it's just a book
00:55:56with a creepy cover oh there's plenty in the book you just have to know how to get the spells to
00:56:01reveal themselves there's no way I'm sacrificing a goat no sir that's one method but it's a little
00:56:09expected to unlock the true power of the necronomicon a pagan priest must curse a stream
00:56:16that flows into a moonless night where am I supposed to find a stream in the desert and it
00:56:21can't flow into a night I think you got too much sun today max you need to use liquid evil in the
00:56:29dark I was speaking metaphorically betty yeah well speak english next time but it's okay I think I
00:56:37got it evil priest liquid curse darkness I don't think you got it whatever close enough I guess
00:56:45we'll find out max do you mind if I take a look suit yourself daily comrade the incognito communist
00:56:56gazette of the U.S. wait a lottery ticket dang it's expired
00:57:08a stuffed rabbit inside a hat wait a not so stuffed rabbit inside a hat
00:57:16oh a love letter from me to myself well it's important to have self-esteem
00:57:23let's see what else is in here a moai how the hell can the cart withstand so much weight
00:57:34ah something moved inside the cart
00:57:39is that a human head oh thank god just a coconut with lipstick and a wig hey leave don coco alone
00:57:47I swear something touched my hand oh a plushie of mom let's pull the string
00:57:58greetings future voters it is I your friendly mayor Eliza Barrett remember to study hard at
00:58:04school otherwise you will end up like my offspring and remember vote Barrett what what
00:58:12what
00:58:16no I'm not gonna pull it what if she says something mean again
00:58:21wait what if she says something nice this time always make sure to pay close attention to my
00:58:28offspring hey she did say something nice you wouldn't want to repeat the same mistakes
00:58:34now stop crying and vote Barrett that's it I'm not touching that stupid doll again
00:58:46oh all right remember kids even if Eliza Barrett demeans her offspring she is in fact
00:58:56proud of who tell me you stupid doll tell me
00:59:00hey no something bit me
00:59:09no fingers missing
00:59:13I said no and that's final no way I'm putting my hand in there again I said no and that's final
00:59:24there's no way I can fit that in my pocket
00:59:27that base out in the desert what the hell are they hiding and where do they get a blanket that size
00:59:35I could really use one Hartman's always been an ass but this is too much
00:59:42for the love of god max you have to try and do something are you a man or are you a chicken
00:59:49or are you a chicken what is that sound that does appear an outsider approaching drawing near
01:00:03ah just a chicken no cause for fear
01:00:06hmm it's locked
01:00:27it's locked
01:00:37me guess you needed to burn off that twonky huh
01:00:47mom gave you another one I'm pretty sure she could be impeached for that
01:00:54oh the generator right that's why but two twonkies isn't that like real bad for your health
01:01:01me me me me me me me me me logic clearly dictates that the needs of
01:01:06the community outweigh the needs of the hamster yeah that sounds like her
01:01:18is it just me or is everyone in town acting kind of weird
01:01:23me me me doesn't sound like business as usual to me
01:01:30wait back up everyone including me has been acting like that for months
01:01:39you know all this and I'm just hearing it now thanks a bunch for million racer
01:01:46me me me look you can apologize later for now let's just try to find a way out of this mess
01:01:56I think I found you a little friend to play with
01:02:00it's this man-eating kraken that lives by the lake
01:02:05oh calm down he only eats montoyas
01:02:07meow
01:02:12what's up with Dixon
01:02:17I'd never have guessed she liked theater will this be her first or has she directed other
01:02:21plays before me me me me me me me me me me me me wow a crossover between all those literature
01:02:30classics that play must have been amazing tell me everything me me me me me me me me me me me me
01:02:47I okay okay so somewhere orderly in La Mancha lived Don Quixote after an unorderly affair
01:02:53with Juliet of the Capulet clan he was disowned by his family and exiled having no place to call
01:02:59his own he set out on a quest to find it along with his orderly squire Huckleberry Finn on the
01:03:06road the two of them find a talking rabbit who they proceed to chase for being unorderly just
01:03:12as they're about to catch it they take a trip down the rabbit hole and arrive in wonderland
01:03:17Maleficent mayor of wonderland welcomes them with open arms and all is well and orderly until
01:03:24Quixote begins jousting the local windmills this is deemed unorderly and prompts a gathering of
01:03:29the council of orderly composed of Jesse James Calamity Jane Butch Cassidy and the ugly duckling
01:03:36the council members unable to reach a consensus on the matter plead for the mayor to intervene
01:03:41not realizing that their lack of harmony is also unorderly Maleficent then re-examines all
01:03:46of wonderland restoring order to her lands forevermore except for Maui that pesky Hawaiian
01:03:51dancer who escaped in the middle of the night man what a wacky story did I miss anything
01:03:57no say what do you think would happen if she mixed hamlet with dracula
01:04:02me examination I guess I should have seen that one coming get some rest Garrick you've earned it
01:04:17wow miss Dixon you won't believe all the stuff that's happened to wait what are you doing with
01:04:21skipper skull an interesting query betty based on empirical evidence what do you believe I'm
01:04:28doing with skipper skull some sort of satanic ritual to regain your youth not quite I am
01:04:50organizing the next theatrical performance at this prestigious school
01:04:55what can I do for you this midsummer night
01:05:01can I have skipper's skull no why would I ever give him to you because
01:05:10I need a skull and I'm running out of legal options if you desire to abscond with this
01:05:15well-preserved cranium it will necessitate vigorous mental calisthenics I'm afraid you
01:05:23lost me at abscond if you wish to have this skull you will assist me in organizing our next play
01:05:31me directing a play this is my moment the world's a stage and it's not ready for me
01:05:40assist not direct and the tony award goes to
01:05:46betty
01:05:50great job I knew you could do it
01:05:55the play is the thing what should our next theatrical production be about
01:06:09so
01:06:18the inhabitants of a sleepy town awaken without memories but there's much more to the situation
01:06:24than meets the eye every play needs a protagonist who would be our main character
01:06:31oh reindeer betrayed by santa and left for dead comes back with a thirst for vengeance and a shiny
01:06:39red nose shiny every good play needs a villainous counterpart who would that be
01:06:54a cunning german mastermind with a taste for bearer bonds and tall buildings
01:06:59what would be the setting
01:07:04post-world war three new mexico in the late 2140s and what would be the title of this play
01:07:17three minutes to midnight to electric boogaloo satisfactory you can play the third tree from
01:07:23the left take skipper to use as a scene partner and go rehearse
01:07:39miss dixon nightly greetings betty what seems to be the pickle
01:07:44miss dixon something's wrong with this town i think we need to turn off the generator
01:07:53are you suggesting we turn off the generator i literally just said that anyway this guy won't
01:08:00let me go near it and and he should not by any means betty you seem to be acting under
01:08:06suspicious motivations perhaps it's time for re-examination oh i already have one scheduled
01:08:15for next month i mean two weeks from now i mean tonight yeah that's it tonight
01:08:27to give or not to give that is the question thou ask me for skipper skull as such thou
01:08:35shan't give it back until the play is performed
01:08:41i'm gonna get going got things to do and all that parting is such sweet sorrow
01:09:05so
01:09:36this night is already weird enough let's not add self-baptism to the mix
01:09:49hello father there are some more things i want to talk about
01:09:52nightly greetings betty what seems to be the pickle
01:09:56so
01:10:00are you familiar with curses as a member of the clergy i am only familiar with the process
01:10:06of blessing items but isn't cursing just the opposite of blessing come on it can't be that
01:10:13hard you make an excellent point betty a simple reversal of the blessing process should be
01:10:20sufficient well i think it would be a shame not to test such an excellent theory don't you
01:10:27i cannot find a reason not to test this theory so you must be correct
01:10:36for such a ritual to occur the cup needs to be filled
01:10:43you got any wine left
01:10:44you already took the cup what more do you want
01:10:53i gotta go then safe partings to you betty may order be with you
01:10:58so
01:11:09and when the outsider approached me asking for salvation i offered him examination
01:11:16and the outsider queried what is examination i hope i didn't choose poorly
01:11:28so let the unorderly hello father there are some more things i want to talk about
01:11:34nightly greetings betty what seems to be the pickle
01:11:43can you curse this cup for me now that the cup is full the ritual can begin
01:11:49it is done holy crap it worked i am pleased to have proven your hypothesis
01:11:59i gotta go then safe partings to you betty may order be with you
01:12:05so
01:13:06so
01:13:10warning nothing good will come to whoever uses this book some of these spells might
01:13:16be copyrighted in your country consult your attorney before using them known side effects
01:13:21of using this book include but are not limited to raising the dead from your local cemetery
01:13:27flooding your town with evil granting you positions of power and turning wine into water
01:13:33use at your own risk
01:13:36this looks great but i have a feeling we should read more before we do anything else
01:13:42why isn't this working maybe we should read the rest
01:14:03do
01:14:24another one are you starting a matchbox museum this note is right where it belongs in the wild
01:14:33this note is right i know i've got deep pockets but they're not that deep
01:14:56it's empty like my wallet
01:15:02so
01:15:12perhaps as a lower form of life you are capable of experiencing feelings rooster
01:15:22feelings are an imperfect and dangerous aspect of everyday life you must long for the pure
01:15:29what's up doc doc as in doctor what a preposterous proposition you are perfectly aware that my name
01:15:41is benjamin takum says in using the incorrect form of address is highly unorderly jeez relax
01:15:50you're quite jumpy tonight i am not jumping betty i am in charge of gas refilling tasks
01:15:57and border patrols uh okay good for you man anyway mind if i ask you a few things of course ask away
01:16:09what happened to the motel across the street i do not know that establishment is of no use
01:16:16to our community as outsiders are a rare occurrence in our town that's a shame one would say that
01:16:22wing sticking out of the honeymoon suite gives it that quirky touch tourists love
01:16:27anyway did you know the owner negative that place has been abandoned for more than a year
01:16:35hey ben have you read the latest news there is no need betty everything is orderly as
01:16:41it always has been are you sure take a look at this and tell me what you think
01:16:46wait a minute
01:16:56stalin the soviet common ownership damn communist
01:17:07that should keep him busy for a while
01:17:17so why it's working perfectly
01:17:27oh shoot i blew a fuse
01:17:46so
01:18:17hey lorraine nightly greetings betty what seems to be the pickle
01:18:26i have some fresh gossip from my out-of-town trip gossip we do not gossip
01:18:32we share knowledge now please proceed with the exchange of information
01:18:39the wall of the dam was broken what do you think happened there i don't see any reason
01:18:44to question this event you should return to your duties now betty party pooper i pooped
01:18:52at no one's party that would be highly unorderly behavior
01:18:58i pooped at no one's party that would be highly unorderly behavior
01:19:08actually there will be time to gossip later
01:19:12nice talking to you lorraine our exchange of information has successfully concluded
01:19:19i'm pretty sure i love twonkies as much as the next person but that one is going to be hard to
01:19:26chew hey sheriff coltrane how's it going nightly greetings betty order is being maintained at a
01:19:36satisfactory level glad to see the situation hasn't gotten worse while i was away astutely
01:19:43while i was away astutely observed betty your words are duly appreciated
01:19:49now what seems to be the pickle something's bothering me and i'd like your help at your
01:19:55service betty your sidekick isn't letting me near the generator deputy mccord is executing
01:20:08his task as directed no one is allowed near the generator oh yeah that's interesting because i
01:20:14didn't see hide nor hair of the guy before did you use your magic wand and conjure him up out of
01:20:19nowhere that would be a highly unorderly action as well as impossible deputy mccord has been here
01:20:27since the establishment of social harmony besides magic does not exist i've heard magic doesn't
01:20:35exist before but still no betty you are acting unorderly please cease raising your voice or face
01:20:49forced re-examination can we talk about your basement dweller most certainly
01:21:05do us all a favor and get that stinky inmate some fresh air or a bath or both i am unable
01:21:14to comply with your requests because you can't or you just don't want to according to my records
01:21:20inmate hardy's cell key was lost shortly after his incarceration that was the only copy of the
01:21:27key so he cannot be released so what are you gonna do keep him in there forever every attempt
01:21:36to free inmate hardy has resulted in him violently attacking his would-be liberators
01:21:42so it has been determined that keeping him in his cell was the most orderly course of action
01:21:48let them sit there for a while longer that they shall
01:21:52amos your eyes they're so shiny that is correct however i see your glow has dimmed
01:22:01please attend re-examination at your earliest convenience
01:22:12can they fix my nearsightedness i never see problems coming my way re-examination is the
01:22:18solution to every problem betty i will move your appointment up to tomorrow at sunrise yay
01:22:28there's something you should go check out proceed betty
01:22:48there's a secret military base next to the dam approaching the base is strictly forbidden
01:22:56what were you doing there i had to go there to fix the dam acknowledged but remember under no
01:23:03circumstances are you to return there fine i'll stay away but it's because i want to not because
01:23:10you told me to someone got murderized an unscheduled termination i require all details
01:23:23betty there's this campsite near the lake where i met a nice girl and a scuba diver who had some
01:23:29real beef with a kraken noted please continue he put up a good fight but the beast literally sent
01:23:35him flying not sure what happened to the guy never saw him land thank you for reporting unorderly
01:23:43individuals rest assured they will be examined at the earliest opportunity please do pam could
01:23:50use the company oh and tell them to watch out for sherman he's surprisingly well-mannered but
01:23:55he's not very friendly to strangers someone snuck into the museum and tilted every painting
01:24:09now that is not unorderly behavior because the town does not have a museum thank you for trying
01:24:15to keep me on my toes it is good to know that i do not require re-examination the twonkies ad
01:24:23claims they're more delicious than donuts they claim what let me see