Category
🎮️
GamingTranscript
00:00:00Hey there girls, how's it going?
00:00:18Whoa rude, I literally just met you.
00:00:28You kiss your mama with that mouth.
00:00:30Well it's no wonder she left if you talk to her like that.
00:00:39Okay seriously though, what did I ever do to you?
00:00:44Okay let me ask differently.
00:00:47What didn't I do to you?
00:00:52I didn't not torment you all your lives.
00:00:54Good, I think.
00:00:57Oh wait, bad.
00:01:02Moo?
00:01:05Oh right, these are western cows.
00:01:07They speak a different dialect out here.
00:01:09Moo.
00:01:10Wee-haw.
00:01:12Moo.
00:01:13Moo, moo, moo.
00:01:15Wait, British?
00:01:17Then why aren't you wearing monocles and top hats?
00:01:20Moo.
00:01:24Tea parties?
00:01:25Oh that makes perfect sense.
00:01:27Wait a second, how can you drink a cup of tea when you don't have any hands?
00:01:32Moo, moo, moo?
00:01:34Oh with your mouth, right.
00:01:41Just out of curiosity, what do you guys do all day?
00:01:50I mean, what did you expect?
00:01:54Hmm, something doesn't add up.
00:01:57Moo.
00:01:58Why are you girls so cranky tonight?
00:02:00Moo, moo, moo.
00:02:03Is it that ghost Roscoe was talking about?
00:02:05The one he heard by the airfield?
00:02:07You know ghosts can possess people, right?
00:02:10Maybe they can possess animals too.
00:02:13Moo, moo, moo.
00:02:19It could be you're not really cows.
00:02:23Maybe you're possessed by the spirits of chickens that died in the massacre.
00:02:27And you're so angry because your spirits can't rest.
00:02:31Moo, moo.
00:02:34Moo.
00:02:37Yeah, you're right.
00:02:38I guess that was kind of a stupid idea.
00:02:40My apologies, ladies.
00:02:43C-clock.
00:02:49Better leave him be.
00:02:51I've already milked this conversation for all it's worth.
00:03:11I have a sudden urge to milk cows and shovel cattle manure.
00:03:37Hmm, did you feel that?
00:03:54Wait a second, buddy.
00:03:56What are you trying to do to poor Rox Pierre?
00:04:00Well, of course I named him.
00:04:02You got a problem with that?
00:04:12Really?
00:04:13You think you can force me to do something like that?
00:04:16Well, think again, buddy, because I'm not doing it.
00:04:19Oh, I wouldn't dare.
00:04:21Then say goodbye to your save game, because this is the last time you'll see it.
00:04:51Priceless, you should have seen your face.
00:05:20Okay, okay, I accept your apology.
00:05:24And don't worry, I'll throw this dumb rock.
00:05:26But it's because I want to, not because you told me to.
00:05:48Okay, okay, I accept your apology.
00:06:16Yee-haw!
00:06:45Allow me to introduce the precariously magnificent Glider 6500.
00:07:09Excuse me, this one's still a bit unstable, so please don't use it unless you absolutely have to, okay?
00:07:37Ah!
00:08:07Let's make a deal.
00:08:11You stop trying to kill me, and I won't share your search history.
00:09:05Ah!
00:09:16You want me to fly a plane?
00:09:18I have a black belt in stumbling over my own shoelaces.
00:09:21Imagine the havoc I could cause with one of these!
00:09:34You want me to fly a plane?
00:10:00Whee!
00:10:21You want me to fly a plane?
00:10:23You want me to fly a plane?
00:10:24I have a black belt in stumbling over my own shoelaces.
00:10:25Imagine the havoc I could cause with one of these!
00:10:26You want me to fly a plane?
00:10:27I have a black belt in stumbling over my own shoelaces.
00:10:28Imagine the havoc I could cause with one of these!
00:10:29You want me to fly a plane?
00:10:30I have a black belt in stumbling over my own shoelaces.
00:10:31Imagine the havoc I could cause with one of these!
00:10:32You want me to fly a plane?
00:10:33I have a black belt in stumbling over my own shoelaces.
00:10:34Imagine the havoc I could cause with one of these!
00:10:35You want me to fly a plane?
00:10:36I have a black belt in stumbling over my own shoelaces.
00:10:37Imagine the havoc I could cause with one of these!
00:10:38Imagine the havoc I could cause with one of these!
00:10:39I have a black belt in stumbling over my own shoelaces.
00:10:40You want me to fly a plane?
00:10:41I have a black belt in stumbling over my own shoelaces.
00:10:42You want me to fly a plane?
00:10:43I have a black belt in stumbling over my own shoelaces.
00:10:44You want me to fly a plane?
00:10:45I have a black belt in stumbling over my own shoelaces.
00:10:46You want me to fly a plane?
00:10:47I have a black belt in stumbling over my own shoelaces.
00:10:48You want me to fly a plane?
00:10:49I have a black belt in stumbling over my own shoelaces.
00:10:50You want me to fly a plane?
00:10:51I have a black belt in stumbling over my own shoelaces.
00:10:52You want me to fly a plane?
00:10:53I have a black belt in stumbling over my own shoelaces.
00:10:54You want me to fly a plane?
00:10:55Anyway, hello Betty.
00:10:56I've been waiting for you.
00:10:57There is no Betty.
00:10:58Only Zool.
00:10:59Huh?
00:11:00It's a ghost joke.
00:11:01You wouldn't get it.
00:11:02Anyway, what's your story?
00:11:03It was a stormy night.
00:11:04The sky itself seemed to be at war.
00:11:05Lightning cleaving.
00:11:06You died in the plane crash, didn't you?
00:11:07Ah, gosh.
00:11:08Yes, I died in the plane crash.
00:11:09I died in the plane crash.
00:11:10I died in the plane crash.
00:11:11I died in the plane crash.
00:11:12I died in the plane crash.
00:11:13I died in the plane crash.
00:11:14I died in the plane crash.
00:11:15I died in the plane crash.
00:11:16I died in the plane crash.
00:11:17I died in the plane crash.
00:11:18I died in the plane crash.
00:11:19I died in the plane crash.
00:11:20I died in the plane crash.
00:11:21I died in the plane crash.
00:11:22I died in the plane crash.
00:11:23I died in the plane crash.
00:11:24I died in the plane crash.
00:11:25I died in the plane crash.
00:11:26I died in the plane crash.
00:11:27I died in the plane crash.
00:11:28I died in the plane crash.
00:11:29I died in the plane crash.
00:11:30I died in the plane crash.
00:11:31I died in the plane crash.
00:11:32I died in the plane crash.
00:11:33I died in the plane crash.
00:11:34I died in the plane crash.
00:11:35I died in the plane crash.
00:11:36I died in the plane crash.
00:11:37I died in the plane crash.
00:11:38I died in the plane crash.
00:11:39I died in the plane crash.
00:11:40I died in the plane crash.
00:11:41I died in the plane crash.
00:11:42I died in the plane crash.
00:11:43I died in the plane crash.
00:11:45Those are moths, Betty.
00:11:47You see, after the crash, my spirit was ready for the final journey
00:11:51when a storm of fear, pain, and agony struck me.
00:11:55Scenes of an unspeakable poultry massacre presented themselves to me.
00:12:00Feathers flying, beaks silent, spirits shattered into pieces.
00:12:09Chickens didn't make it, huh?
00:12:10Sorry, please go on.
00:12:12The trauma of their sudden, brutal, and gruesome deaths
00:12:15left their spirits fractured, completely lost,
00:12:18and doomed to an eternity of wandering this cruel land.
00:12:23Sadly, the chain of my fate binds me to this place.
00:12:27So I've been waiting for someone with a kind heart
00:12:30to help these poor souls reach their final resting place.
00:12:34And you believe that someone is me?
00:12:37Well, it's not like I have much of a choice here.
00:12:40Okay, I'll help.
00:12:41But after this, you all go to the light, deal?
00:12:45Deal.
00:12:46Now, take this.
00:12:51It's a spectral containment unit.
00:12:53It's designed to ensnare and transport them safely back to me.
00:12:57Okay, got it.
00:12:58Let's help those chickens cross the road to the afterlife.
00:13:03Oh man, I totally forgot.
00:13:05These ghost chickens? Super shy.
00:13:08I'll let them know you're coming in peace.
00:13:22Walt, lay it on me.
00:13:23What's the secret to snagging those ghost chickens?
00:13:26Welcome to Ghost Chicken Snagging 101.
00:13:30Here's the golden rule.
00:13:31F.C.B.
00:13:32Feed them, contain them, bag them.
00:13:36To snag a ghost chicken, you must think like a ghost chicken.
00:13:40What's the spectral equivalent of chicken feed?
00:13:44Yes.
00:13:49Do you know where I can find Lincoln?
00:13:51Not since the crash.
00:13:53Can't believe that lucky bastard made it.
00:13:55I thought he'd be in Corona with my mom, but the fridge is out.
00:13:59Eliza Barrett? In Corona?
00:14:02Yeah, right.
00:14:03What's next?
00:14:04You becoming a straight-A student?
00:14:07Hey, at least I'm alive.
00:14:13So, what actually happened to you guys?
00:14:15That thing, it just appeared out of thin air.
00:14:19Before we knew it, we were going down.
00:14:22It happened too fast to make any sense of it.
00:14:25You got any theories?
00:14:27Well, yeah, but it's a shot in the dark, really.
00:14:31It could have been the Soviets with some new tech.
00:14:34But between you and me, it didn't feel...
00:14:37It didn't feel of this world.
00:14:42Do you ever get scared of living people?
00:14:45Only when they start chanting in Latin and throwing salt around me.
00:14:52Is haunting like a full-time gig?
00:14:55Oh, yes. It's around-the-clock haunting.
00:14:57No days off. It's a real dead-end job.
00:15:02Can you guys really go through walls?
00:15:05Oh, definitely. It's one of the perks,
00:15:08along with scaring cats and messing with light switches.
00:15:11But it's less ooooh and more whoops, wrong room.
00:15:19Can you switch haunting locations, or is it like a timeshare situation?
00:15:24That would imply I had a choice.
00:15:26No, this is pretty much a ghost-until-you're-toast kind of deal.
00:15:31Who's the most famous ghost you've met?
00:15:34Can't say. The Spectre NDA is pretty strict.
00:15:38Aww.
00:15:40Casper the Friendly Ghost.
00:15:42But let me tell you, he's not so friendly when you beat him at poker.
00:15:47Is it true that every ghost has a treasure hidden away?
00:15:51If by treasure you mean eternal boredom, then yes.
00:15:55If I said Beetlejuice three times, what would happen?
00:15:58Do that, and you'd get a guy in stripes who won't stop talking about home renovations.
00:16:05Bye, Walt.
00:16:06Bye, Betty.
00:16:26As the saying goes, all roads lead to Rome.
00:16:30Or in this case, the crossroad.
00:16:39No way! I've only got one shot at this.
00:16:42I've got to figure out how to snag him all in one go.
00:16:46Ectoplasm's too rare to waste on that, buddy.
00:17:17Hmm.
00:17:41You want me to fly a plane?
00:17:43I have a black belt in stumbling over my own shoelaces.
00:17:46Imagine the havoc I could cause with one of these!
00:17:51You want me to fly—
00:17:59Even if I could reach it, what would be the point?
00:18:13We're dealing with ethereal entities here.
00:18:39Grabbing them with my bare hands is off the table.
00:18:42Let's go.
00:18:44Let's go.
00:18:45So, what are you cookin' up this time?
00:19:15I could use some help.
00:19:17I'll do my best.
00:19:22I need to enter the mine, but it's blocked off.
00:19:25Got anything that can bust through those old planks?
00:19:28You'll need something hard and heavy if you want to break through.
00:19:32Darn. Isn't there a back door or something?
00:19:36In a mine?
00:19:38What? I don't know how mines work.
00:19:39Let me think. You could try explosion. Nope, never mind, that's a bad idea.
00:19:47I guess you could set it on fire. Nope, nope.
00:19:51Uh, maybe the carts. Now there's an idea.
00:19:56Yeah, if you could get one of those old mine carts rolling,
00:20:00you might be able to fly right through the barricade.
00:20:03But I'll let you test that theory.
00:20:09I can't figure out how to get that mine cart moving. Any ideas?
00:20:13Maybe you could try putting something heavy in the cart.
00:20:18Wait, are you suggesting I get into the mine cart myself?
00:20:21No, I am not.
00:20:24You're just gonna hear whatever you want to hear, aren't you?
00:20:28Woohoo! Mine cart ride! This'll be sweet!
00:20:32You wouldn't happen to have some chicken feed, would you?
00:20:35Sure. Take this.
00:20:40Thanks, Roscoe. Your job here is done.
00:20:44Yeah, yeah. You want anything else?
00:20:48I'd better get going. See ya.
00:20:54Does this look like a chicken?
00:20:57Does this look like a chicken?
00:21:20They don't seem to give a cluck.
00:21:26No way! I've only got one shot at this.
00:21:29I gotta figure out how to snag them all in one go.
00:21:57Yeah, the lure part was easy.
00:22:00But to keep them corralled long enough to trap them,
00:22:03we'll have to get super natural with our creativity.
00:22:09Does this look like a ghost chicken to you?
00:22:12That doesn't need gloopy.
00:22:21I'm not sure if I can do this.
00:22:23Maybe I can.
00:22:37I'm not sure if I can do this.
00:22:40Yeah, the lure part was easy.
00:22:43But to keep them corralled long enough to trap them,
00:22:46we'll have to get super natural with our creativity.
00:22:53Look, I've had enough hay in my pockets for one day.
00:23:23Look, I've had enough hay in my pockets for one day.
00:23:37Look, I've had enough hay in my pockets for one day.
00:24:07Look, I've had enough hay in my pockets for one day.
00:24:22Are we supposed to be smashing things now?
00:24:32Look, I've had enough hay in my pockets for one day.
00:25:02Look, I've had enough hay in my pockets for one day.
00:25:32Look, I've had enough hay in my pockets for one day.
00:25:52People don't value my brain much, but I do.
00:25:56I'm not getting in there until I find a way to guarantee my safety.
00:26:23That's a pretty unorthodox thing to do to a corpse.
00:26:34Hey, Walt.
00:26:35Hey, Betty.
00:26:37Bye, Walt.
00:26:38Bye, Betty.
00:26:53Hey, Walt.
00:26:54Who you gonna call?
00:26:56No one.
00:26:57I'm incorporeal.
00:26:58Phones don't work on this side.
00:27:00You're no fun, Walt.
00:27:02Anyway, here are your chickens.
00:27:07Thank you, Betty.
00:27:08How could I ever repay you?
00:27:10Well, just promise me you're not gonna eat them.
00:27:13Oh, this is me.
00:27:14See you on the other side, Betty.
00:27:17Can't believe he ghosted me.
00:27:28Property of Walter Walt Walters.
00:27:36Bye, Walt.
00:28:01That's the weirdest typewriter I've ever seen.
00:28:12Let's leave it for now.
00:28:24Are you freaking kidding me?
00:28:26Five zeros?
00:28:27Five freaking zeros?
00:28:28What the freaking fuzzing hell is wrong with these people?
00:28:32Girl?
00:28:33Girl?
00:28:34Open the door, da?
00:28:36Fine.
00:28:37Zero.
00:28:39Zero.
00:28:41Zero.
00:28:43Zero.
00:28:46And wait for it.
00:28:48Zero.
00:28:56No!
00:29:07I am free.
00:29:09Well, no need to thank me.
00:29:11Honestly, after seeing you fumble around like a heedless monkey.
00:29:15I thought I would be trapped in there forever.
00:29:18Hey, it might have taken me a while, but I got you out, didn't I?
00:29:23I can always put you back in.
00:29:26No, no, no, no, no, no.
00:29:28Do not do that.
00:29:29Please.
00:29:30You are correct.
00:29:31My manners were lacking.
00:29:33Spasibo, comrade.
00:29:35You're welcome.
00:29:43Nancy?
00:29:44Da?
00:29:46Have you lost your memories too?
00:29:49Of course not.
00:29:50Why would I lose my memories?
00:29:52Almost everyone I've met so far has, so I think it was a fair assumption.
00:29:56What terrifying technology does your government possess?
00:30:01That it's able to erase an entire town's memories.
00:30:06Wait, you think the government is behind this?
00:30:09I can't be sure, but I'm telling you this.
00:30:13I'm not going to wait around long enough to find out.
00:30:16But after all the time you've been here, what's a bit longer?
00:30:19Oh, right, that wasn't my choice.
00:30:21Sorry.
00:30:27That accent of yours.
00:30:29You're not from around here, are you?
00:30:31Da.
00:30:32I'm North American, but from the eastern regions.
00:30:37Like from Maine?
00:30:38How am I supposed to know?
00:30:40I'm American, not a geographer.
00:30:42I can't argue with that.
00:30:47If you're actually American, why do you talk like that?
00:30:50This is how everybody talks in Maine.
00:30:53It's a very low population state.
00:30:56We don't have much practice.
00:30:58Oh, really?
00:30:59Then I'm sure you wouldn't mind answering a few questions that anyone from Maine should know the answer to.
00:31:05Proceed with your interrogation.
00:31:07I am not afraid.
00:31:11What's the biggest festival in Maine?
00:31:14Of course.
00:31:15It is the celebration of Victory Day.
00:31:17Wrong.
00:31:18It's the International Potato Rolling Contest.
00:31:21How could you not know that?
00:31:23How do you know that?
00:31:25I thought you couldn't remember anything.
00:31:28I don't know.
00:31:29It's like I remember some stuff, but nothing important.
00:31:32Well, in any case, I was probably out of town that day.
00:31:37So how could I have known there was a festival?
00:31:41Oh, yeah, I guess that makes sense.
00:31:46What's the climate like in Maine?
00:31:49What does that even have to do with being American?
00:31:52Answer the question.
00:31:54Every child in Maine knows the four seasons are winter, still winter, even more winter, and finally not winter.
00:32:04That doesn't make any sense.
00:32:06Where are spring, summer, and fall?
00:32:08Things are different back east.
00:32:11Oh, right.
00:32:13You passed the test.
00:32:17Who's the governor of Maine?
00:32:19Yuri Andropov.
00:32:21Andropov?
00:32:22That doesn't sound right.
00:32:24If not him, who is it?
00:32:27I, um, I really don't know.
00:32:30Maybe you're the one we should be doubting.
00:32:32Are you perhaps a Soviet spy?
00:32:35What?
00:32:36No.
00:32:37You passed! You passed!
00:32:40Did Maine have a team in the World Series this year?
00:32:44How would I know that?
00:32:46I've been locked in here for months.
00:32:48Based on those answers, I guess she's about as American as I am.
00:32:52That's about it for me.
00:32:54Good. That is good.
00:32:59How did you get stuck in there?
00:33:02It had me that Lincoln and the mayor.
00:33:04They set me up.
00:33:06Wow, who would have thought my mom could pull such a killer prank?
00:33:10What? Your mother?
00:33:12Mayor Eliza Barrett is your mother?
00:33:15Whoa, that was my exact thought when I first met her!
00:33:18Met her?
00:33:20Tell me, is she with you?
00:33:23Nope.
00:33:26Thank God.
00:33:28If she were around, I'd have an urge to strangle her.
00:33:32Yeah, she tends to have that effect on people.
00:33:36You actually know Lincoln?
00:33:40Know him?
00:33:42He and your mother are the reason I'm trapped in here in the first place.
00:33:47Do you know where I can find them?
00:33:49Did you not hear anything I said?
00:33:52They did this to me.
00:33:54Why would I help you find them?
00:33:56I don't know, because it was probably just a misunderstanding.
00:34:00Because it's the right thing to do.
00:34:03Because they could be in danger?
00:34:05Oh yeah, and because I'm the only one helping you out, and you want to keep me happy.
00:34:10Okay, okay, but I do not know very much.
00:34:14The day I was trapped, I overheard a strange conversation between some soldiers.
00:34:20They mentioned something about an unorderly person running for the hiking trails.
00:34:25They seemed very interested in finding him.
00:34:29Why didn't you do something?
00:34:31Because I was trapped.
00:34:33Oh yeah, that.
00:34:38How did Lincoln and my mother set you up?
00:34:40They gave me the entry code for this hangar, but forgot to tell me it was a one-time authorization.
00:34:49How sneaky! But didn't it occur to you to just leave the door open?
00:34:53No, but you see...
00:34:55Or you could have grabbed a weapon. That hangar is full of them.
00:34:58You could have easily blown a hole in the wall.
00:35:00Yeah... I did not think of that.
00:35:04Or you could have piled up some crates until you could reach those windows.
00:35:08It would have been a short slide down that wall to freedom.
00:35:17Yes, well, under pressure.
00:35:20I mean, you could have just dug a hole.
00:35:22Look, the floor is just sand.
00:35:25That would have taken you a few hours, tops.
00:35:28Even if you were digging with just your hands.
00:35:32Or you could have also...
00:35:34Enough! You have made your point.
00:35:36You are far more intelligent than I am. Happy now?
00:35:40Can you please repeat that last part?
00:35:49Do you know what happened to the town?
00:35:51Why would I?
00:35:53Isn't it your job to know things?
00:35:55Why are you questioning me?
00:35:58You think I am some kind of Soviet spy sent to investigate this town?
00:36:04And any top secret American projects they might be working on?
00:36:08Oh, are you?
00:36:10No.
00:36:11Great! Then I can use your journalism skills to investigate the problem in our town!
00:36:16What kind of problem are we talking about?
00:36:19See, people are going around with shiny eyes.
00:36:23Talking about examinations and being orderly.
00:36:27And sometimes... sparking?
00:36:29I had not heard of this project.
00:36:32What'd you say?
00:36:33Oh, nothing. I'll help you.
00:36:36Just give me a few minutes to stretch my legs.
00:36:39You go on ahead.
00:36:43What's that plane in the hangar?
00:36:45That? Oh, it's just a discarded AO-8 design from the Archangel project.
00:36:52Which was commissioned by the OSS.
00:36:55They were supposed to scrap this model.
00:36:58It shouldn't even exist yet.
00:37:00Holy crap! We wouldn't want that falling into the wrong hands, would we?
00:37:04Oh, yes. If someone were to steal it, it would take years to build another one.
00:37:12What have you been eating all this time?
00:37:14I found a crate full of Chef Mike's Spicy Raccoon Meatballs.
00:37:19I don't know what's more concerning.
00:37:21That you ate Mike's food, or that Chef Mike's meatballs come in different flavors.
00:37:26I'm gonna regret asking this, but what other flavors are there?
00:37:30There are over 1,000 different flavors in existence.
00:37:35But my favorites are Route 66 Roadkill Meatballs and Chef Mike's Meatless Meatballs.
00:37:42What the blazes are Route 66 Roadkill Meatballs?
00:37:47It would take too long to explain, so I shall give you a taste instead.
00:37:53I'm sorry, what?
00:37:57Wait, no! Keep that can away from me! I don't...
00:38:05Oh, crap, they're good!
00:38:11More! I want more!
00:38:13I am sorry, Betty. That was the last can.
00:38:20I said more!
00:38:23Meatballs seem to be your go-to meal these days, huh?
00:38:28Yes. Why?
00:38:32Wait, you wouldn't... Betty, put that spoon down.
00:38:36Please, I'm sure we can find...
00:38:41Ahh!
00:38:56Hmm, did Nancy leave already?
00:38:58Burp.
00:39:11No, thank you. I only fly commercial. I have monadophobia.
00:39:41Good dog.
00:40:12This will help make my ride safer, but I bet we could improve it even further.
00:40:21Enough smashing rocks for today, don't you think?
00:40:28Safety levels are going through the roof, but it's still not enough.
00:40:37It won't get safer than this!
00:40:40I'll name it...
00:40:42The Gray Matter Anti-Liquifier 7000. Patent pending.
00:40:50Only the right load will open this barrier, so save some energy. Or brain cells.
00:41:01We're getting closer to the right weight, but not quite there yet.
00:41:11I wouldn't want a rock flying into...
00:41:15I wouldn't want a rock flying into my face when we finally get the...
00:41:41...
00:41:42...
00:41:43...
00:41:44...
00:41:45...
00:41:46...
00:41:47...
00:41:48...
00:41:49...
00:41:50...
00:41:51...
00:41:52...
00:41:53...
00:41:54...
00:41:55...
00:41:56...
00:41:57...
00:41:58...
00:41:59...
00:42:00...
00:42:01...
00:42:02...
00:42:03...
00:42:04...
00:42:05...
00:42:06...
00:42:07...
00:42:08...
00:42:09...
00:42:10...
00:42:11...
00:42:12...
00:42:13...
00:42:14...
00:42:15...
00:42:16...
00:42:17...
00:42:26Slightly less unsafe? Check! Almost as dangerous? Check!
00:42:30One hundred percent fun? Super check!
00:42:32Hi, I'm Betty Anderson. Welcome to Jackass.
00:42:38♪
00:42:43♪
00:42:48♪
00:42:53♪
00:42:58♪
00:43:03♪
00:43:08♪
00:43:13♪
00:43:18♪
00:43:23♪
00:43:28♪
00:43:33♪
00:43:38♪
00:43:43♪
00:43:48♪
00:43:53♪
00:43:58♪
00:44:03♪
00:44:08♪
00:44:13♪
00:44:18♪
00:44:23♪
00:44:28♪
00:44:33♪
00:44:38♪
00:44:43♪
00:44:48♪
00:44:53♪
00:44:58♪
00:45:03♪
00:45:08♪
00:45:13♪
00:45:18♪
00:45:23♪
00:45:28♪
00:45:33♪
00:45:38♪
00:45:43♪
00:45:48♪
00:45:53♪
00:45:58♪
00:46:03♪
00:46:08♪
00:46:13♪
00:46:18♪
00:46:23♪
00:46:28♪
00:46:33♪
00:46:38♪
00:46:43♪
00:46:48♪
00:46:53♪
00:46:55There's no way I can fit that in my pocket.
00:46:58♪
00:47:03♪
00:47:08♪
00:47:13♪
00:47:18♪
00:47:23♪
00:47:28♪
00:47:31Ooh! Diamond!
00:47:33♪
00:47:35Hey! This is my diamond!
00:47:37You better keep your filthy eyes off it, capiche?
00:47:41♪
00:47:46Oh, hello there, friend!
00:47:48I'm Betty, and you are?
00:47:50♪
00:47:55Hey, what you got there, Willy?
00:47:57Mind if I call you Willy?
00:48:01I didn't think so.
00:48:02You wouldn't mind if I took a look at it, would ya?
00:48:05If anybody thinks I shouldn't grab this, speak now or forever hold your peace.
00:48:09Great, I'll just take this.
00:48:11♪
00:48:14♪
00:48:17♪
00:48:21Wait, Willy, where are you going?
00:48:23♪
00:48:25♪
00:48:28♪
00:48:32♪
00:48:34Willy! Are you alright, Willy?
00:48:37Willy! Please, Willy, say something!
00:48:40Willy, no!
00:48:43Willy!
00:48:45I'm sorry, Willy!
00:48:47I'm so sorry!
00:48:51Willy!
00:48:54♪
00:48:56I'm fine. It's okay.
00:48:58Let's keep trying to find the exit.
00:49:00It's what Willy would have wanted.
00:49:03♪
00:49:06♪
00:49:09♪
00:49:12♪
00:49:15I know I've got deep pockets, but they're not that deep.
00:49:19♪
00:49:22♪
00:49:25♪
00:49:28♪
00:49:31♪
00:49:34♪
00:49:37♪
00:49:40♪
00:49:43♪
00:49:46♪
00:49:49♪
00:49:52♪
00:49:55♪
00:49:58♪
00:50:01♪
00:50:04♪
00:50:07♪
00:50:10♪
00:50:13♪
00:50:16♪
00:50:19♪
00:50:22♪
00:50:25♪
00:50:28♪
00:50:31♪
00:50:34♪
00:50:37♪
00:50:40♪
00:50:43♪
00:50:46♪
00:50:49♪
00:50:52♪
00:50:55♪
00:50:58♪
00:51:01♪
00:51:04♪
00:51:07♪
00:51:10♪
00:51:13♪
00:51:16This thing cuts almost as deep as mom's words.
00:51:19♪
00:51:22♪
00:51:25This one-cut wonder sliced through the tarpaulin like butter.
00:51:28Goodbye, super sharp thingy.
00:51:31♪
00:51:34♪
00:51:37♪
00:51:40♪
00:51:43I'm all about explosive combinations.
00:51:46But do you think maybe we could find a better place for that?
00:51:49♪
00:51:52♪
00:51:55Ow, it bites.
00:51:58♪
00:52:01♪
00:52:04Ow, it bites.
00:52:07♪
00:52:10♪
00:52:13Ow, it bites.
00:52:16♪
00:52:19♪
00:52:22♪
00:52:25♪
00:52:28I can taste freedom from here.
00:52:31I can taste freedom from here.
00:52:34I'm gonna be leaving this cave with a bang.
00:52:37Literally.
00:52:41Let's put some distance between us.
00:52:44♪
00:52:47♪
00:52:50♪
00:52:53♪
00:52:56♪
00:52:59The charges are set.
00:53:02Now I just need to wire up a detonator and we'll be ready.
00:53:05♪
00:53:08♪
00:53:11♪
00:53:14TNT, check. Wire, check.
00:53:17Detonator, check. This is the best day of my life.
00:53:20♪
00:53:23♪
00:53:26What the...
00:53:29♪
00:53:32♪
00:53:36♪
00:53:39Okay, buddy, back to the drawing board.
00:53:42♪
00:53:45♪
00:53:48♪
00:53:51So, I lost my memory, my best friend's a jerk,
00:53:54my mom doesn't love me, the mafia tried to off me,
00:53:57and as if that wasn't bad enough, a sea monster almost ate me
00:54:00in the freakin' desert. But it doesn't stop there.
00:54:03I got electrocuted fixing the power and no one even thanked me.
00:54:06And now I'm trapped in this deep dark mine
00:54:09with only the corpse of my mom's boyfriend as company.
00:54:12Whose underwear you made me touch.
00:54:15Oh, and let's not forget about his pet piranha
00:54:18because I'm bound to run into it here.
00:54:21Man, who the heck has a pet piranha?
00:54:24And the trigger on top of all of this, you try to get me killed
00:54:27whenever you have the chance.
00:54:31Wow, that actually helped a lot.
00:54:34I feel better now. Thanks for listening, pal.
00:54:37You were always there for me. But I still don't forgive you
00:54:40for making me jump off that cliff.
00:54:43♪
00:54:46♪
00:54:49♪
00:54:52♪
00:54:55♪
00:54:58♪
00:55:01♪
00:55:04♪
00:55:07♪
00:55:10♪
00:55:13♪
00:55:16♪
00:55:19♪
00:55:22♪
00:55:25♪
00:55:28♪
00:55:31♪
00:55:34♪
00:55:37♪
00:55:40♪
00:55:43♪
00:55:46♪
00:55:49♪
00:55:52♪
00:55:55Looks like only one of them is usable.
00:55:58Better not waste it.
00:56:01♪
00:56:04♪
00:56:07♪
00:56:10♪
00:56:13♪
00:56:16♪
00:56:19♪
00:56:22♪
00:56:25♪
00:56:28♪
00:56:31♪
00:56:34♪
00:56:37Aha! Look what I've created!
00:56:40I have made fire!
00:56:43Ah!
00:56:46Holy macaroni!
00:56:49Don't eat me please! I've been a good Betty, I promise!
00:56:52Phew, it's already dead.
00:56:55♪
00:56:58♪
00:57:01♪
00:57:04♪
00:57:07Time for your dental appointment.
00:57:10♪
00:57:13♪
00:57:16♪
00:57:19♪
00:57:22♪
00:57:25♪
00:57:28♪
00:57:31♪
00:57:34♪
00:57:37♪
00:57:40♪
00:57:43♪
00:57:46♪
00:57:49♪
00:57:52♪
00:57:55♪
00:57:58♪
00:58:01♪
00:58:04♪
00:58:07♪
00:58:10♪
00:58:13♪
00:58:16♪
00:58:19♪
00:58:22♪
00:58:25♪
00:58:28♪
00:58:31♪
00:58:35♪
00:58:38♪
00:58:41♪
00:58:44♪
00:58:47Thanks, Roscoe. For a minute there,
00:58:50I thought I was going to keep Willie company for eternity.
00:58:53Who?
00:58:56Never mind. How did you know where to find me?
00:58:59I heard your little tent from all the way from the farm.
00:59:02I thought you might be hurt, so I came to investigate.
00:59:05You're lucky this wasn't another prank,
00:59:08or I'd have you mucking out the stalls for a week.
00:59:11Thank you so much, Roscoe. I promise I won't prank you again.
00:59:14Tonight.
00:59:17Any sign of your mom?
00:59:20Not yet, but I found this.
00:59:23What in the good Lord's name is that thing?
00:59:26I don't know, but it must be pretty important if it cost Lincoln his life.
00:59:29You telling me that that Lincoln fella's dead?
00:59:32Yeah. It looks like he sacrificed himself to keep it safe.
00:59:35It's always the good ones.
00:59:38I know, but we'll have time to cry for him later.
00:59:41Right now, we have more important stuff to do.
00:59:44I have to go back to town and find Ms. Dixon.
00:59:47She'll know what to do with this thing.
00:59:50All right, kid. When are we leaving?
00:59:53With that modified Shelby engine you plugged into my tractor,
00:59:56I'll be there in no time.
00:59:59Thank you, Roscoe, but I think it's better if you stay away from town.
01:00:02I have the feeling things are about to get messy.
01:00:05All right. You gotta do what you gotta do, kid.
01:00:08You best take care of yourself, you hear me?
01:00:11You might be the sorest, darnest, itchiest pain in the butt,
01:00:14but you are my favorite pain in the butt.
01:00:17I'd really hate to see you get hurt.
01:00:20I'll be fine. I promise.
01:00:23Your speech just gave me a great idea involving itching powder.
01:00:26Don't push your luck, kid.
01:00:29All right. I'd better get going. See you, Roscoe.
01:00:37Ms. Dixon, I need your help.
01:00:39How may I be of assistance, Betty?
01:00:42I found Lincoln. He's dead.
01:00:45He had this letter with him.
01:00:47It mentioned something about a plutonium core falling into the wrong hands.
01:00:51Lincoln said you'd know what to do with it.
01:00:54You did the right thing bringing this to my attention, Betty.
01:00:57We will now take the core to the base.
01:01:00And as for you, you are overdue for re-examination.
01:01:06Wait, what?
01:01:08Take her away.
01:01:20There's only one soldier. This should be easy.
01:01:23Hey, you! Soldier! You can't treat me like this! I know my rights!
01:01:28You have the right to re-examination.
01:01:31Now, remain silent and do not get yourself in a bigger pickle than you are in right now.
01:01:37Okay, plan B.
01:01:39Hey, you! Get out of my way!
01:01:42Hey, you! Get out of my way!
01:01:45Hey, you! Get out of my way!
01:01:48Plan B.
01:01:49Hey, you! I gotta go to the bathroom!
01:01:52Negative. It is not your scheduled time for this activity.
01:01:56But I really, really need to go!
01:01:59Your attempts at deception are unconvincing. Remain silent.
01:02:04Crapbaskets! This might not be as easy as I thought.
01:02:13Hey, please, Mr. Soldier, sir!
01:02:16If you would be so kind as to let me go...
01:02:20Desist. We have already been briefed on your usual tactics.
01:02:24You have no means to escape from us.
01:02:27What are you talking about?
01:02:29I'm pretty sure that... Damn it!
01:02:32Aw, crap. It's a constrictor knot.
01:02:35I'm doomed.
01:02:37Hey, buddy, listen to me. We only have one shot at this.
01:02:40Go to your kitchen. Bring me a knife.
01:02:42The studio does not recommend assisting Betty at this time.
01:02:46We are not responsible for any damages incurred during this segment of the game.
01:02:50Hey, you stay out of this! Where were you when I got caught, huh?
01:02:56Nothing to say for yourself, eh? Fine. Keep it that way.
01:03:00Hey, you, soldier! Just wait until your boss finds out I'm here.
01:03:05He doesn't want me on this base. He'll be pissed.
01:03:08On the contrary. He will be pleased we apprehended you.
01:03:12Now, please remain still. He shall be with you shortly.
01:03:27I'd love to, but my hands are tied.
01:03:38Wait, that's Mom's. Why would she bury a diary in the desert?
01:03:42After seeing those underpants earlier, I'm not sure I want to know more of her secrets.
01:03:48Ah, who am I kidding? Let's read it.