RECLAIM THE WORD 'HIDEOUS' Beckii - YouTube
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00:00Hi guys, welcome back to my channel, it's me Becky here. Today I wanted to talk to you
00:05about something which has been on my mind and in the news recently as well, and it is
00:09the effects of social media on young people and how it's making them want or do cosmetic
00:17surgery and alterations more. There's a massive increase in the amount of young people getting
00:22surgery or think about surgery compared to how it was many years ago. And it's basically
00:27thought that social media is one of the biggest causes of this, which is super interesting
00:31to me, especially as somebody who's kind of grown up online. And it's in a way kind of
00:35different because you're not only comparing yourself to celebrities anymore who are kind
00:39of traditionally very unattainable and we all know that they have, you know, the top
00:43people working on their makeup and their hair and everything every day. But now we're comparing
00:47ourselves to our friends and our peers who, you know, we go to school with every day and
00:50they're looking bomb on Instagram and they're looking so good on Facebook. And it definitely
00:56makes it a more attainable person to kind of compare yourself to. And I think that's
01:00probably very unhealthy. I feel like I've got an interesting perspective because I've
01:04been, one, on social media for like all of my life. Like I was born in 1995, the year
01:10of the internet. I made my first website when I was like five years old. I love social media.
01:14I had a video which went viral when I was like 14. I started YouTube when I was 12.
01:19And having a viral video when I was 14 meant that a lot of people were looking at me and
01:23then making comments about me. And most of the comments were lovely, but something that
01:28we all do is if someone makes a bad comment about you, whether it's in real life or online,
01:33we will internalise that comment so much more. Like you can, someone will say, oh, I love
01:38you, like you're the best, you're so beautiful. It's like, thanks. You don't internalise that
01:42as much. When someone says, oh yeah, that's like a cool video, but I think that, you know,
01:48your chins are showing a bit too much in that video. Or, oh, I think, you know, one of your
01:52features is really like ugly or something. Like, I don't know. I don't leave mean comments,
01:58so I can't say one. But you would look at that, you'd be like, oh my God, really? Like,
02:04what is that? Like, it'd make you feel so insecure. And it does. I know firsthand. Like,
02:07I've had it all my life. And I remember when I was 14, people would start commenting all the
02:12time about my nose and about my weight and just about my general kind of composure and who I was
02:17and how I looked. They'd say like, oh, she looks a bit like a rat. She's got a really big nose. Wow.
02:22Like, oh, it's a shame about the nose. And I remember, oh, she should eat a burger. She's
02:26so skinny. She looks like a skeleton. Oh, I bet she's anorexic. These are two things which I never,
02:30ever had any insecurities about in my life. I was never insecure about my weight. I never had
02:34any thoughts about my weight because I was a kid. Like, you don't really think about your body that
02:37much when you're a kid. And about my nose, I was like, oh, it's just my, like, I didn't even think
02:41that I had any nose that was any different from anybody else. Nobody in real life, nobody at
02:45school had ever made any comments about my weight or about my nose. But then suddenly when I was
02:48online, all these people were starting commenting about it. And it made me feel really bad about
02:52myself. Because on the one hand, I was kind of successful because in this one video, Danjo,
02:58I guess I looked like quite cute and appealing. And so people would say like, you know, that's
03:03part of my success. It's like, one, it's the dancing, but also it's just the visuals that I
03:06was having at that time were appealing to people. And so that's why I'm popular. So on the one hand,
03:11I was kind of being praised for my looks. On the other hand, I was being very much torn down for
03:14my looks. And it was really difficult to juggle with. And I remember in some of those low moments
03:18when I was 14, 15, Googling Becky Cruel Nose, and like reading everything about it. And it was like,
03:23the fact that I can quantifiably Google this term, and people are going to say something about me is
03:27that there is something wrong with me. Because so many people think it when they first look at me,
03:31that's the first thing that they think, and they feel incensed to comment about it online. I was
03:35like, okay, and I felt really bad about it. And it was not only comments about my nose, but it was
03:39also like, she should definitely get a nose job, you should get definitely get a nose job. Like
03:43people would actively say that to me. And I think that online people don't really realize, but like,
03:47I was literally, literally a child, like literally 14 years old, and people would actively come to me
03:52and say that directly to me. You should get a nose job, you should change your face, you should,
03:56you know, sort it out, fix it. And at the time, I was like, oh, I mean, well, first of all, you're
04:01saying that to a child. I was trying to be like self-aware, but also I was like, oh my god, like
04:05that makes me feel so bad about yourself. Even nowadays, when I had my septoplasty done, somebody
04:11came, because the septoplasty doesn't change the appearance of your nose, and it was an NHS surgery,
04:15like it was nothing cosmetic, it was purely for medical reasons. Someone said to me, wow, like,
04:20no offence, but like, why didn't you like change the shape of your nose as well? At the same time,
04:24I was like, well, I didn't have a choice. It was a public service, paid for by like experts, like,
04:28you know, you can't get cosmetic surgery on the NHS, and this was not a private operation. But
04:34also, that's really mean. That's really mean, like, the fact that somebody like came out of their way
04:39to like say that to me. Another kind of, I guess, layer of social media and the internet versus real
04:45life, is I remember once I was like talking to you guys at a convention, and it seemed like we
04:49were having a really nice interaction. My friend was with me, and then like we walked away, and
04:53like, my friend was like, oh, like, they were really, really rude. I was like, what? I thought
04:56they were really nice, and he was like, yeah, but like, when you kind of like were going towards
05:01them, or like, we're about to talk to them, or afterwards, they were looking, and they were like,
05:05oh my god, like, that's what Becky Carrullo looks like in real life. Like, they had a really mean
05:10thing to say about me. I was like, oh my god, like, how could you say that, and then come and like have
05:13a pleasant interaction with me? Like, that's so, that's so mean. Like, why would anybody do that?
05:18Oh, but that's another thing. It's like, to them, I looked incredibly different in real life than I
05:22did online, and that's another weird thing to contend with, because it's like, well, what's my
05:27self-perception? What is the real me? Is the real me the one that I see on camera? Is the real me
05:31the one that I manipulate and make through, you know, filters and whatever, and good angles and
05:37lighting? Is the real me the ugliest version of me that I can be the ugliest, where I've just got
05:42out of the shower, you know, I've not cleansed my skin, you know, I'm looking bloated or something,
05:48and I'm under bad lighting. Is that the real me? And then you realize that it's so subjective,
05:52because all of those things are real, and everybody has a potential to be that and that, you know,
05:59they coexist. I've been offered, like, free plastic surgery in Korea, and that's, like, being
06:04offered one of these really weird, like, joke, rhetoric, hyperbole questions. It's like, if you
06:11could have any surgery in the world, or if you had free plastic surgery with no consequences, you
06:17wouldn't have to pay for it, and you could, like, do whatever you want, what would you do? And it's
06:21like, that's literally the question that was asked to me, and I was like, oh, okay. I mean, I wasn't
06:25seeking it, someone came to me and approached me and offered it, and I was like, oh, I don't know,
06:29like, that's weird. So I've not really gone any further with it. I was thinking about doing it,
06:33to do my septoplasty there, because one, that would be, you know, taking strain off the UK
06:40health system, and two, I'd go and get to, like, see a new country, but then I was like, oh, my
06:44appointment came through for the NHS, so I may as well do that, and I'd rather be close to home to
06:47have a surgery. But, like, that's a really hard question, and nowadays cosmetic surgery is so
06:54popular. And I've thought about it, you know, obviously I've thought about my nose, because I
06:57had so many comments and questions about it. I thought about lip fillers, and, like, Botox, you
07:00know, young people are getting all these things. I need to make it very clear, I don't have any
07:04issues with people doing cosmetic surgery, but what interests me is the psychology behind it,
07:08because I have so many people who I consider my very close friends, who have had, like, loads of
07:12stuff done, like, I think that's great, good for them, and honestly, I admire their decisiveness
07:16in knowing what they want for themselves, and then going out there and doing it, and, like,
07:19that's great, like, that's really cool. I love, like, futurism, and, like, new technology, all
07:24these advances that we're making medically and scientifically, that you can literally have a
07:28desire and go and do that, like, that's incredible. Medically, we're gonna be changing ourselves,
07:33we're gonna be able to live longer, and, you know, we fight diseases, like, that is, I guess,
07:37like, non-organically processing yourself. Like, even taking medicine for a cold is doing something
07:43which isn't in nature's course. Same with cosmetic surgery, like, that's just doing something that's
07:47not in nature's course. I think we're all kind of socialised naturally to have an instinctive,
07:52negative connotation and reaction to plastic surgery, but I think that you can relearn that,
07:58and reprocess your own true ideas about plastic surgery, because I don't think that it's as evil
08:03as we think it is, but at the same time, I don't like that that's what people feel pressured into
08:08doing if they feel bad about themselves. And there's a lot of people out there who are kind
08:12of genetically lucky, I guess, because they have been born with the features that are kind of
08:18conventionally attractive for our current era, and, like, that's great for them. And I think
08:23that it's really cool that everybody actually has access to have those features as well,
08:28if you know what I mean. It makes it a little bit more of a level playing ground, except for,
08:32actually, even thinking or considering plastic surgery is a massive privilege because it's a
08:36very expensive thing to do. Not everybody's got the funds or the finance or the means or even,
08:40you know, the medical capacity to go through something like that, but it does kind of open
08:45up this kind of conventional beauty to a wider range of people than just the people who have
08:50hit the genetic jackpot, so to speak. So it's kind of interesting to think about it that way. But I
08:55think a healthier way to approach it is kind of embracing almost the, like, ugly pretty movement,
09:01and I've said it before in one video, there's one quote that helped me so much in my life,
09:05with how I looked and how I saw myself, and I think I'll help you guys too, so I'm just gonna
09:09say it again, and it's this one I've got on my laptop. Eleanor's right, she never looked nice,
09:13she looked like art, and art wasn't supposed to look nice, it was supposed to make you feel
09:17something. And, like, just reimagining that whole thing, like, what is desirable? Looking nice? No.
09:23And when you- when you look at yourself not as beautiful, but as art, which is something much
09:28more open, because I love the art that I like is, like, rust on a floor, like, art is anything and
09:34everything, and it's still appreciated. Whereas with people and how we look at them, there's kind
09:39of, you know, conventional beauty, and then there's, like, ugly pretty, but it's still pretty, but, like,
09:43what about everybody else? Where, in fact, you can find beauty in everyone and everything, like, acne
09:48on a face, like, that's art, you know what I mean? Like, that's so cool. Stretch marks, and, like, spots, and
09:54hair, and, like, body hair, and everything. When we stop looking at it in societal conventions, and we
09:58start looking at it as a purely aesthetic piece of visual which we can take in, it becomes, like,
10:04art, and there's no right answers in art, but there are kind of right answers with conventional beauty, so
10:10challenge how you view that, and challenge your attitudes towards it. Because the thing is, all
10:14features, all features of everyone, the thing that you don't like about yourself, that has been
10:20beautiful, that has been the peak of conventional attractiveness, or it will be. Everything is
10:25cyclical. In historic, like, you can see, I think it was, like, women in Vietnam would paint their teeth
10:30black, and that was conventional beauty for them. And now that's, like, so unheard of, and we, like, bleach our
10:35teeth to whiten them. Crooked teeth are seen as, like, a point of cuteness in Japan, but in other
10:40countries, you'll pay thousands and thousands to straighten your teeth out. It was very stark to me
10:45when I went to Japan with a bunch of other blogger girls, and we were talking about Photoshop, and, like,
10:48plastic surgery, and everything, and they were all Asian girls, and I was a white girl, and they were like,
10:54yeah, we all want to kind of, you know, heighten our nose bridges, and I was like, really? I think your
11:00noses are really, really cute and small. I was like, I have enough nose bridge for all of you, like, come by,
11:04like, literally take some. And they were like, oh no, like, your nose is, like, tall, like, it's nice. I was like, I mean,
11:09that's so weird that the one thing that I would probably say I find not super attractive about
11:14myself, like, I mean, I like it, it's fine, I'm not saying that, I'm just... It's just so funny that the one thing
11:18that I'm insecure about is also the one thing that they're insecure about, but in the complete opposite
11:22way. But the point is, you shouldn't have to be conventionally attractive, whether past, modern day,
11:27or future, to feel pretty, to feel good about yourself, because it's not about meeting these
11:32standards. And pretty can be makeup, and photoshop, and plastic surgery, like, all that is completely
11:37valid within the spectrum of attractiveness. Everything can be attractive. Pretty can be
11:43waking up with no makeup on and acne for days. Pretty can be hairy, pretty can be crooked teeth,
11:48pretty can be big bellies and stretch marks. The point isn't it's pretty and lovely and
11:53conventionally beautiful, the point is you're redefining your relationship with the word
11:56pretty. And if you don't want to use the word pretty, then use the word art, like, do whatever
12:00you want to make you feel okay with yourself. If you want to call it ugly, like, I love being ugly,
12:04like, do it. Redefine and challenge your relationship with these words because they're
12:08all subjective. Another top tip, go on a website called celebritycloseup.com and you'll literally
12:13see all celebrities have got pores, all celebrities have got thick makeup on. You'll find somebody in
12:17there who's got skin like you, who is a celebrity, who is conventionally beautiful, who is put out
12:22there as someone super beautiful. Like, I've had troubles with my skin all my life and going on
12:26that blog honestly changed it because I was like, why doesn't my skin look nice? Like, even in this
12:30camera, my skin looks a lot better than it actually is in real life. If you see a really HD
12:34picture of somebody else's skin, and it's not about saying, oh my god, they've got disgusting skin,
12:37it's saying they've got normal skin. We all have normal skin, we all have different genetics,
12:41our skin will react differently with, you know, what we do to it, but also just how we're born.
12:45Some people are more prone to get acne and that's fine, like, acne isn't a bad thing, it's just
12:49part of being a human being. I personally see photoshop and even plastic surgery, whatever you
12:54want to do to yourself cosmetically, as an art form. I edit my pictures, I don't, like, morph my
12:58face too much, but sometimes if I think my eyes look smaller in a picture, I'm gonna make them
13:02bigger. You can make yourself taller in pictures, you can make yourself skinnier in pictures, you
13:05can make yourself bigger in pictures. Like, play with it and perpetuate what you want to be your
13:10visual out there, and if you feel that's fine and you don't even want to edit any of your pictures,
13:15do that. Like, that's putting something out there into the world. I think the important thing is,
13:19if you're gonna edit your pictures, or even if you're not, we all need to be aware that everyone
13:24is doing it and you can't compare yourself to anybody else. You can't compare your before to
13:28somebody else's after because they had it before as well, believe me. And even if those perfect
13:32people don't edit their pictures, they're just kind of genetically lucky and have hit the genetic
13:37jackpot, that's great for them, like, that's so cool, but that's not everyone, and you gotta
13:41realise that is not everyone. A lot of those people have worked to get to that visual point.
13:47They have had surgery, they have photoshopped themselves, they have used good lighting and
13:51filters, that's fine, but everyone has that kind of story to get to that perfect picture. You don't
13:56need to compare yourself to anybody else, all you need is just you. I know it's really hard, and I
14:00know that we all get those low moments, and no matter how many times you kind of think about this
14:04mentality, you'll still have those low moments where you'll be like, oh I look really bad in
14:08that picture, oh don't take a picture of me from that angle, oh don't look at me in that angle,
14:11like, don't look at me in that lighting, I don't feel good, I don't feel good enough. And it's
14:14really bad because we're in a society of hyper-scrutiny, not only of ourselves, but of
14:19others too. But if you think about it, generally when you're looking at others, if you're a nice
14:23person, which I hope you are, and if you're not, you should be, think about it, just be a little
14:28bit nicer in your life. The most important thing is to be kind, and when you're hyper-scrutinising
14:31somebody else, you're zooming in on their skin and seeing how perfect it is, you're zooming in
14:36on their belly and seeing how skinny they are, you're zooming in on their perfect features,
14:40and when you're zooming in on yourself, you're seeing the things that you don't like about
14:43yourself. But when you're walking down the street and looking at people, I really doubt that you've
14:47ever seen people and thinking, wow, they look really, really bad, they look so horrible today,
14:50I can't believe they left the house like that. You're not thinking that, you're thinking, oh my
14:53god, like, I love their hair, they look so cool, they're really pretty, wow, I'm so happy and
14:58blessed to be in, like, a world where there's so many interesting and different looking people,
15:01and I think that's so cool. And you know what? They're thinking that about you, but you're
15:04looking at yourself and you're like, oh no, I look so, like, ooh, haggard today, I look a bit
15:08windswept or whatever, like, oh, my makeup's gone all flaky. Don't do that to yourself.
15:13Talk about yourself like you talk about other people. Think, oh my god, like, her bag is so cool,
15:17oh my god, I love how she did her hair today, I love how I did my hair today, I love my outfit,
15:21I love my face, I love my makeup, I love it when I do this, I love it when I do that. Practice being
15:25kind to yourself, be kind to other people, and be kind, most importantly, to yourself. But you know
15:29what? Even if somebody walking down the street looks bad, even if you look bad, like, that doesn't
15:35matter. Own it, like, reclaim the word hideous, you know? Like, what is wrong with that? That's
15:40unusual, that is cool. Reclaim the words that are used for pain and, like, just do it, man.
15:46I hope this has helped you. If it has, if you've got any more to add, I'd love to carry on the
15:51discussion in the comments. If you're new here, make sure you subscribe to my channel as well.
15:55If you want to learn more about my septoplasty, I made a video about that, you can go check it out.
15:59Just something on my mind that I wanted to share.