PARIS HILTON BUTT SECKS 4TH GRADE
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FunTranscript
00:00Oh! Oh my god! I thought I'd be cute and sit cross-legged but I sat on my foot and my foot
00:16went to my ass. You probably think I'm making this up but I'm seriously, unfortunately I'm
00:21not. I'm not a virgin anymore. Wait, I don't think it works like that. I'm not an ass virgin
00:26anymore. I don't know how Paris Hilton does it. It hurts. So, welcome to the school day
00:33vlogs. I know I haven't done this in a while, it's been a few months. If you don't know
00:37what this is, let me break it down. So I'm going to take you guys through all of my years
00:41of school. That's kindergarten to the end of high school. And I think I've already done
00:46K through 3, so today is 4th grade. Now listen, 4th grade wasn't the best for me. It was actually
00:52a really weird year because I went to two different schools. I started out at St. Murigretti,
00:56a Catholic school. I know, I'm probably sure a lot of Catholic priests have done what I
01:01just did 5 seconds ago. Catholic school was weird and 4th grade was even weirder because
01:08that was when we all started kind of developing our own brains. Are you sure we should be
01:12praying after everything? Yes! Okay. By the way, the priest is now in jail for child molestation
01:19but that's a whole other thing. I remember one time I went into the confessional room
01:23and I was like, I lied to my parents and the priest was like, oh you did? That's not good.
01:30That's really not good. You should probably pray about it. Actually, you know what? Let's
01:36pray together. Just me and you. What do you think? Um, don't be scared. Nothing to be
01:43scared of. Just me, you, and Jesus. But Jesus isn't here right now so it's just me and you.
01:50Another thing about 4th grade that was weird was my teacher at the Catholic school was
01:56always, I would always run into her outside of school and I don't know if you've done
01:59that but it's very weird. Like we were at McDonald's and I was ordering this really
02:02big nasty meal because I was obese. That really doesn't have anything to do with anything
02:06but I just like saying that word. Obese. It kind of floats off the lips. Just obese, obese.
02:11Anyways, I was ordering a big obese fatty meal and my teacher walked up and she goes,
02:15oh hello Shane, what are you ordering? So I told her, a number 1, a number 2, and a number
02:193 with no pickles. That's a lot of food for such a little boy. Oh, oh you thought this
02:24was all for me? No, um, I was gonna go eat it with some friends. You don't have any friends,
02:30Shane. I know. So then after that I moved to another school in Lakewood called Cleveland
02:37Elementary, which was an even weirder school. My teacher's name was Ms. Sweeney, which was
02:42always funny in 4th grade because Sweeney rhymes with weenie. I'm sure you knew. And
02:48believe me, she knew too. Hello class, my name is Ms. Sweeney. I know, my name rhymes
02:54with weenie. And if you want to keep your weenie, you should probably never laugh again
02:58because I'll rip it off with my bare hands, you stupid ass little motherf**ker. Oh, she
03:03was a hoot. I think she's in jail now. Oh, I know what happened. Um, I had to chaperone
03:10a retarded girl. Yeah, for a month. That was fun. And no disrespect to retarded people
03:15because as you know, I am a fan of all of you. But um, this girl was different. I always
03:21had to hide my chapstick from her because she thought chapstick was food. Um, which
03:26I guess it is, I mean it was flavored. But she took it to the next level where she would
03:30literally eat them down like pez. She also had this little habit, it was cute, it really
03:35was cute, where she would get her period and it would go all over the floor. Yeah, it was
03:40really cute when I had to clean it up every day. That was cute. No, she was fun. Um, I
03:46wonder where she is now, I don't know. But uh, hopefully she's somewhere using a tampon
03:50because I don't care how, you know, mentally handicapped you are, you should know how to
03:55shove something in your vagina. I mean, look a Paris Hilton. I know. Well, that was my
03:59fourth grade. Uh, fun with priests, fun with the handicapped, like always, and um, fun
04:07with me calling myself obese. So, leave a comment or a video response telling me about
04:12your fourth grade experience. Was it as good as mine? Any period blood jokes in there?
04:17I don't know, let me know. Alright guys, I'll see you later. Bye!
04:25I really hope that video doesn't get me in trouble with the handicapped, or with obese
04:30people, or Paris Hilton. It's all jokes, people. I'm just kidding. I love everybody. Especially
04:37black people. I don't know why. I just like them.