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00:00🎵
00:29LAUGHTER
00:32Taxi's here.
00:35Nigel!
00:37Nigel!
00:39There's no need to shout. He's coming.
00:41He's got plenty of time.
00:43Your taxi's waiting, so get a move on!
00:45Our youngest child is leaving home for good,
00:48and you sound as if you can't wait to get rid of him.
00:50I am merely informing him as to the arrival of the taxi,
00:52and he's hardly a child, Beryl. He's six feet three.
00:54He is still the baby of the family.
00:56Baby? Yes.
00:57What's baby doing up there?
00:59Well, he's having a shave.
01:02I think that says it all, Beryl.
01:04Come on, then, let's have you!
01:06All right, I'll have you the first time!
01:08I'm having to pay for this taxi as my car's been off the road
01:10since you drove it into the gatepost.
01:12Do you have to keep bringing that up?
01:14He didn't do it on purpose.
01:16Can you manage your suitcases, darling?
01:18Er, no. Would you send Dad up?
01:20I'm a parent, not a pack horse!
01:22I can't, anyway.
01:24I hurt my hand reinstalling the gatepost.
01:26Go and help him with his luggage.
01:28Didn't do it on purpose.
01:30You know he's always had weak wrists,
01:32ever since he fell out of that treehouse when he was 14.
01:34You remember? Yes, I do. He landed on me.
01:36You know, I've always had trouble with you.
01:38Have you got my sandwiches?
01:40Yes, I'm just finishing them now, dear.
01:42He doesn't need sandwiches.
01:44He's just had ten quid off me for a meal on the train.
01:46He's got a big appetite, Arthur, and they may not give him enough.
01:48It's a long way to Scotland.
01:50It's a long way to Tipperary.
01:52He'll still need some sandwiches.
01:54All right, then.
01:56You going to help him with his luggage?
01:58No, I'm going to get my ten quid back.
02:00Morning, Beryl.
02:02Just popped in to return the milk I borrowed.
02:04Oh, hello, Vera.
02:06But didn't you borrow a whole pint?
02:08Yes, but we only used half of it,
02:10so here's the half-pint back.
02:12Nigel hasn't gone yet, has he?
02:14No, I'm just finishing his sandwiches,
02:16and the taxi's waiting.
02:18Oh, well, I won't hold you.
02:20Would you fancy a little ham sandwich?
02:22Haven't you had breakfast?
02:24No, I never eat breakfast. I can't.
02:26Not in front of my Trevor,
02:28who thinks I'm on a diet.
02:30Oh, don't worry about the sandwiches.
02:32I'll have some cereal instead.
02:34Uh, pass our milk.
02:36Well, is it sugar?
02:38This is your big day, then.
02:40The last one of your four children
02:42leaving home
02:44and going all the way to Edinburgh.
02:46Yes, you know, I never imagined
02:48you'd want to study veterinary science.
02:50I did.
02:52Oh, he's always been fond of animals.
02:54Oh, I'll never forget
02:56how upset he was when my Trevor
02:58drove our car over his rocking horse.
03:00Vera!
03:02Yes, I'm coming.
03:04Just think, after all those years
03:06of bringing up children,
03:08seeing them grow into adults,
03:10and now, well, you're free at last.
03:12Must be like
03:14coming out of prison after a long sentence.
03:16Vera!
03:18Well, I'd better go before the chief warder
03:20cancels my privileges.
03:22Oh, do be careful, Arthur.
03:24You'll mark the wall.
03:28Here you are, darling.
03:30Thanks a lot, Mum.
03:32By the way, Dad, I've had to take your razor.
03:34Mine's on the blink.
03:36Oh, don't worry about it. I'll grow a beard.
03:38Darling, now, baby.
03:40Morning, Vera. I was wondering when you'd turn up.
03:42Arthur.
03:44She hasn't turned up just in time for me.
03:46Not having children of my own, Arthur,
03:48I've always tried to take an interest in yours,
03:50despite your frigid welcome.
03:52Just come to say
03:54cheerio, love.
03:56Bye-bye, Vera.
03:58You'll be much better off away from home
04:00and its unsympathetic influences.
04:02I'll be a good boy.
04:06Best of luck.
04:08If you'll excuse me,
04:10I'll just go finish my breakfast.
04:12Just a minute.
04:14She's not eating here now, is she?
04:16Dad, do you mind? The taxi's waiting.
04:18Yes, yes, come on.
04:20I'll bring the luggage, Arthur.
04:22Dad, I can manage.
04:24Oh, thanks, son.
04:26You wanted your ten pounds back, didn't you?
04:28No, no, you keep it.
04:30Here's a bit more for incidentals.
04:32Thanks a lot, Dad.
04:34Well, take care of yourself,
04:36and I shall miss you.
04:38Cheers, Dad.
04:40Cheers, Dad.
04:42Goodbye, son.
04:52There we are, then.
04:54Our number four
04:56gone safely into orbit.
04:58The final satellite has left our launching pad.
05:00The end of, what is it,
05:0224 years of you, me and the family.
05:04Now it's just you and me.
05:06Now I can get a look in at last.
05:08Yes, we started out with just the two of us,
05:10multiplied four times and made six.
05:12Four twos are eight.
05:14I meant the sort of multiplying you don't do on paper.
05:16Yes, Arthur and Beryl Crabtree,
05:18after years of strife,
05:20have finally found their freedom.
05:22Yes, just you and me, just the two of us again.
05:24Well, that's over.
05:26I thought we'd all have a nice cup of coffee.
05:28And the woman from next door.
05:32I won't be stopping long.
05:34I've got to feed my animals.
05:36Here we are, Beryl,
05:38and cheer up.
05:40He'll be all right.
05:42I know. It's just that...
05:44Well, he's never left home for good before, has he?
05:46No, that sounds logical.
05:48It's all happened so quickly.
05:50Well, first Lorraine got married and left,
05:52and then Paul moved out,
05:54and Tracy went only last week.
05:56Don't bring that up again.
05:58Bring what up? What happened?
06:00Despite my solitary protest,
06:02she is now living with her boyfriend in sin.
06:04No, it's not even a misdemeanor.
06:06A few more years, I dare say it'll be compulsory.
06:08You're being old-fashioned.
06:10Tracy's boyfriend is very respectable,
06:12and he's got a marvellous job,
06:14and she's very happy.
06:16He is taking advantage of my daughter.
06:18Based on the old principle,
06:20why go to all the trouble of buying the book
06:22when you can join the library?
06:24This is the 1980s,
06:26and it's got nothing to do with joining the library.
06:28Yes, well, if he returns her here overdue,
06:30he'll get more than a small fine.
06:33I'm sorry, but I don't approve.
06:35I am proud to say that my morality
06:37is based firmly in the 1950s,
06:39and I don't intend to embrace the permissive society.
06:41He's just peeved because...
06:43because the library didn't open
06:45until after he bought the book.
06:50I thought you weren't stopping long.
06:52I'm finishing my coffee.
06:54I certainly don't want to interfere.
06:56What your Tracy's doing is her own affair.
06:59Um, thing.
07:01Anyway, I think it's sensible
07:03for a young couple to live together before they get married.
07:05Yes, if we'd lived together before we got married.
07:07Yes.
07:09Well, we'd have found out
07:11whether we were compatible, wouldn't we?
07:13Beryl, after 24 years and four kids,
07:15you're worried about whether we're compatible.
07:17What she means is
07:19it's better to find out about each other
07:21before you get married
07:23rather than suffer under marital silence.
07:25Oh, right, a sort of prenuptial examination.
07:27Yes, better than having to go through a divorce later on.
07:29The reason there's an increase in the divorce rate
07:31is a lot of people who say I do, don't.
07:33What's this all leading up to?
07:35Oh, nothing, dear.
07:37I'm just putting in a word for the old-fashioned,
07:39loyal, dependable married man,
07:41taken for granted but still battling gamely on
07:43to bring a share of happiness and security
07:45to those who depend on him.
07:47Pass my biscuit, please.
07:51Well, he ought to burst into it. He's a jolly good fellow.
07:53Oh, he sounds like my Trevor.
07:55He's always bemoaning his fate.
07:57But he can't do without me, really.
07:59How does he know that?
08:01Because I keep telling him.
08:03You're not taken for granted.
08:05Beryl, with four kids here,
08:07I've been fifth in the queue for years.
08:09Well, they've all gone now.
08:11Oh, sorry.
08:13And you're both still young enough to enjoy yourself,
08:15enjoy all the things in life
08:17you haven't had a chance to before
08:19together.
08:21Like what?
08:23No, no, she's right for once,
08:25now we can,
08:27well, for a start, we can...
08:29Yes?
08:31Well, at least we can watch whatever TV
08:33programme we want.
08:35We don't have to stand in queue for the bathroom.
08:37We might even get telephone calls
08:39that are actually for us.
08:41I mean, these are just the basics.
08:43I'm working on bigger and more exotic things.
08:45Yes.
08:47As we've no family, Trevor and I have filled our lives
08:49with exotic things.
08:51Our pets, for example.
08:53Pets?
08:55I've been meaning to talk to you about your so-called pets.
08:57It's getting like a menagerie round at your place.
08:59Oh, no, it's not.
09:01There's just a few strays.
09:03And then people bring me sick animals
09:05and birds and...
09:07Well, it's sort of developed.
09:09Yes, you've even got a snake, haven't you?
09:11No, we have not.
09:13No, that's right, the mongoose ate it.
09:15Thank you for my coffee, Beryl.
09:17I'll have to go now. I know you're upset.
09:19So I'm sorry to have to leave you
09:21in one of his moods.
09:23What are they... All of that tin of sticking plasters...
09:25Oh, yes, help yourself, Vera. It's in the kitchen.
09:27One of your pets bitten? Poor old Trevor again.
09:29No.
09:31If you must know,
09:33three of the Russian timber wolves
09:35have attacked our hippopotamus.
09:41You know she's sensitive
09:43about her animals.
09:45It's like living next door to a zoo.
09:47No wonder Trevor's taken to wearing
09:49a safari jacket.
09:53Yes, well, as I was saying before we were interrupted,
09:55all our kids leaving home isn't the end of something,
09:57it's the beginning.
09:59I mean, you've got many years ahead of you
10:01before you...
10:03until you reach retirement age.
10:07Yes, but years of what?
10:09Years of... of me.
10:13Of us.
10:15I mean, we can do whatever we want, whenever we want.
10:17It's Sunday, isn't it? Let's have Sunday lunch.
10:19I mean, we always have Sunday lunch on a Sunday.
10:21The whole lot of us. The whole family.
10:23Oh, for goodness sake.
10:25I'm sorry, but I'm 46
10:27and I've given the best years of my life to...
10:29What, do you want a receipt?
10:33No, sorry, Beryl. Beryl!
10:35Oh!
10:45Hello, Arthur.
10:47I just popped round to return these.
10:49Oh, thanks, Trevor. What got you this time?
10:51Tiger.
10:53Tiger? Tiger.
10:55Bloody great ginger Tom.
10:57A slight disagreement over some crockery.
10:59What, you threw it at him?
11:01No, apparently I was eating out of his dish.
11:05Do help yourself.
11:07Thank you. New apron?
11:09If you like it.
11:11Suits you.
11:13Cheers.
11:19I hear your Beryl's a bit upset.
11:21Last one gone.
11:23She's all right. She's just not been feeling very well lately.
11:25Oh, that's terrible, Sherry.
11:27Oh, terrible. Pack another.
11:29Yes, please.
11:31I thought you might like to come out for a drink tonight.
11:33I'm sorry, Trevor. I wish I could, but I've made Beryl have a lie-down.
11:35She's asleep. We skip Sunday lunch
11:37and I'm doing a surprise dinner for when she wakes up.
11:39What are you cooking?
11:41Page seven, bottom of page 43 to follow.
11:45This the sauce?
11:47Yes, yes.
11:49Do you mind?
11:51No, no, you carry on.
11:55That's sauce Josephine.
11:57Not tonight.
11:59I'm doing birth Napoleon
12:01avec la sauce Josephine.
12:03Oh, well, bonbon,
12:05très difficile.
12:07Rien de saut.
12:11What?
12:13Rien de saut.
12:15Salt, yes, right.
12:17Does this taste good?
12:19I'm sorry about tonight, Trevor,
12:21but the way things are,
12:23I'd better not desert my post.
12:25Why don't you take Vera with you?
12:27Yes, I suppose I could give her an airing.
12:29She's got all things on her hands and knees at the moment.
12:31A worn-out, is she?
12:33No, no, trying to give a Scots terrier a pill with a pea-shooter.
12:37Which end?
12:41Look, I'm sorry if I upset her this morning.
12:43Will you tell her I'm sorry?
12:45I went a bit too far. Things have been dodgy around here all day.
12:47That's all right, Arthur.
12:49She has a very equine temperament.
12:51In fact, I couldn't ask for a better wife.
12:55I mean, I'd like to, but who'd listen?
12:57Anyway, au revoir pour now,
12:59et bonne chance avec le dinner, then.
13:01Merci.
13:11Arthur?
13:13Yes, dear?
13:15Why do you want me to wear my little black dress?
13:17It's my favourite.
13:21And, um,
13:23what's this surprise
13:25you keep talking about?
13:27Oh!
13:29I thought a little celebration,
13:31just the two of us. Tate a tate.
13:33What?
13:35Tate a tate.
13:37I'm cooking a French meal.
13:39Are you sure you know what you're doing?
13:41Oh, yes, I'm used to following instructions.
13:43Are we feeling better?
13:45Oh, yes, yes,
13:47thank you, dear.
13:49Well, this all looks very nice.
13:51Well, I thought it might cheer you up.
13:53Gin and tonic.
13:55Oh, thanks. I don't usually drink gin.
13:57It makes me miserable.
13:59Whiskey and soda's yours.
14:01Cheers.
14:03Here's to the two of us.
14:05Cheers.
14:07Dinner won't be long.
14:09Well,
14:11all these candles.
14:13How romantic.
14:15Yes, well, I bought two gross
14:17when a power strike seemed likely.
14:19It's a shame not to use them.
14:21They're marvellous for your age.
14:25I mean, you don't look it.
14:27I mean, look here. Come sit down.
14:31You're still a very attractive woman, Beryl.
14:33Oh, well,
14:35thank you, darling.
14:37I, uh,
14:39I thought later on we might, uh...
14:41What?
14:43Well, I thought
14:45we might have one of those mini breaks
14:47by the seaside, perhaps next weekend.
14:49Well, that would be nice.
14:51Just the two of us.
14:53We could go to Broadstairs.
14:55Broadstairs?
14:57We went there on our honeymoon.
14:59Oh, yeah, yeah.
15:01Couple of days in Broadstairs.
15:03Yeah, why not? Second honeymoon.
15:05We had a couple of weeks on the first one.
15:07Yes, but at your age, you can't afford to overdo it.
15:09No, no, I think, uh,
15:11I think a weekend will be enough
15:13to recapture the quality,
15:15if not the quantity.
15:17Oh, that's a lovely thought.
15:19Oh, yes, this is what it's all about
15:21from now on, Beryl.
15:23I think I'm gradually getting the idea.
15:25Damn, I forgot.
15:27I got some champagne, by the way.
15:29Champagne?
15:31Yeah, special offer.
15:39Would you care to dance?
15:41What?
15:43Dance.
15:45Oh, well,
15:47yes, thank you very much.
15:49I'd love to.
15:55Ah, yes.
15:57Ah, this is nice.
16:01Uh,
16:03have you still got that sexy
16:05negligee I bought you for your birthday?
16:07You know, the one I like,
16:09the one you wouldn't wear.
16:11Well, it's hardly a negligee.
16:13It's barely enough material to make a napkin.
16:15That's what I liked about it.
16:19I, uh,
16:21I thought you might wear it tonight.
16:23Really?
16:25I will if you insist.
16:27I insist.
16:29Oh, yes.
16:31Oh, this is nice.
16:33Oh, I've been looking forward
16:35to the good old days for years.
16:37Do you remember
16:39those Saturday nights before we were married?
16:41Yes.
16:43No, I mean when we used to go dancing.
16:45I think you used to do about
16:47four quick steps to the pint.
16:49Oh, I used to be a lousy ballroom dancer.
16:51You always used to go round and round
16:53in circles.
16:55Yes, well, I was learning by correspondence course.
16:57And they only ever sent the left foot.
17:01Oh, damn.
17:03That's Vera wanting to borrow
17:05half a cup of sugar.
17:07Don't go away.
17:09And a cup of drinks.
17:15Hello, Dad.
17:17What are you doing here?
17:19What's happened?
17:21Don't panic. Nothing happened. I decided to come back.
17:23You decided to do what?
17:25I caught it over on the train going up
17:27and I'm not sure that I'm ready to do veterinary science yet
17:29so I got the next train back.
17:31You come back down here.
17:33Look, I'd rather you didn't give me any hassle.
17:35I need time to think things over
17:37Oh, no, you're not.
17:39Now, keep calm, Arthur. Go and finish your drink.
17:41I will have a word with him and find out what this is all about.
17:43I am going up there, Baron, and I'm going to...
17:45Give him a good hiding. Possibly.
17:47Don't be silly. He's bigger than you are.
17:49Yes, well...
17:51Now, you answer that and I will go up and talk to Nigel.
17:53Yes, 4793.
17:55What?
17:57Oh, hello, darling.
17:59What? Speak up. I can't hear you.
18:03What about?
18:05What trouble?
18:07Oh, marvellous.
18:09Beryl!
18:11It is your elder daughter, Lorraine.
18:13What do you mean, my elder daughter?
18:15I don't want to know anything about it.
18:17She has had a row with that husband of hers and she wants to talk to you.
18:19Hello, Lorraine.
18:21Arthur, the door.
18:25Well, what if he has locked himself in the bathroom?
18:27Oh, I see.
18:29Well, can't you use next door's?
18:31Yes.
18:33It's Natalie, isn't it?
18:35Fiona.
18:37Well...
18:39Nigel telephoned me and asked me to come down for a chat.
18:41Is that Fiona?
18:43Yes.
18:45What the hell is going on here?
18:47I'm the one you should be talking things over with.
18:49Keep your voice down, Arthur. I'm on the phone.
18:51Do you have no mind about that? What about him?
18:53I am quite old enough to handle my own affairs
18:55and will you please not disturb us?
18:57Beryl?
18:59Just go on. He caught you at what?
19:01No, neither have I. I'll look it up in the dictionary.
19:03Beryl!
19:05Yes, I know you only borrowed his razor to shave your legs down.
19:07Beryl!
19:09Hold on. Did you want something?
19:11Can you smell something burning?
19:13What?
19:15No, it's only your father.
19:25Look, I have to go. I think he's calling me.
19:31What a shame.
19:33Never mind.
19:35Let's see what we can do with it.
19:37Oh, dear.
19:39What did you say it was?
19:41Firth Napoleon.
19:43I can't hear you, dear.
19:45Firth Napoleon.
19:47Yes, well, it's the thought that counts.
19:49I'll make us a ham sandwich.
19:51Never mind a ham sandwich. What about Nigel?
19:53Oh, yes. Well, I didn't tell you before,
19:55but he's been thinking of getting engaged to Fiona.
19:57Oh.
19:59Yes, well, he was going to take a year off
20:01before he went to college to sort things out,
20:03but, well, then he decided to go after all,
20:05and now, well,
20:07he's back.
20:09No, he's back.
20:11You did rather push him into being a vet, Arthur,
20:13ever since that television series
20:15where you said that after a few years he could retire
20:17and make a packet out of his memoirs.
20:19I was joking, Beryl.
20:21Yes, well, we'll sort it out.
20:23Look, I will clear up in here,
20:25and you'd better go and get rid of all those candles
20:27before you set fire to something else.
20:29Hello, Mum. Hello, Dad.
20:31Well, how are things?
20:33Paul, what are you doing here?
20:35Well, I haven't seen you both for ages,
20:37and I was just passing, so I thought I'd drop in
20:39and ask, well, how are things?
20:41What's the trouble?
20:43Ah, well, it's like this. You see, I...
20:45Something burning?
20:47Birth, Napoleon, abbeclass, sauce, Josephine.
20:49Carry on. I've got some good news for you, Dad.
20:51Oh, yeah? Tracy phoned me this evening.
20:53Oh, yeah. She's left that fella she was living with.
20:55What's his name? Boris? Horace?
20:57The name is irrelevant. What's the bad news?
20:59She asked me to fetch her.
21:01She's outside in the car with all her gear.
21:03She's left him?
21:05Yeah, and she isn't sure how Dad's going to react.
21:09Go on, Dad. React.
21:11He's reacting.
21:13Oh, that's all right. Then, to be honest, I thought we'd go stark raving...
21:15With it.
21:17Bye, Beryl.
21:19Oh, goodbye, dear.
21:21No, it's only your father.
21:23Just a moment.
21:25Arthur, where are you going?
21:27I thought I'd leave home.
21:29You want to come?
21:31What?
21:33There's a vacancy back at the Manchester office.
21:35Just a moment. What?
21:37Oh, well, yes, I suppose you could.
21:39I'll ask him.
21:41Arthur, she wants to know if...
21:43Arthur?
21:45Where's Dad gone with that suitcase?
21:47Arthur!
21:49What's going on?
21:51Dad's taken the car.
21:53What do you want us to do, Mum?
21:55I don't know.
21:57It may be only a token departure.
21:59We can go and fetch him back.
22:01Oh, yes. Yes, do that. He'll probably be grateful.
22:05Oh, isn't he silly?
22:07He couldn't just walk out anyway.
22:09After all, I mean,
22:11who'd support us all?
22:15Taxi!
22:17Taxi!
22:21Taxi!
22:51Taxi!