No Place Like Home. S1/E2 'One Enchanted Evening' William Gaunt • Martin Clunes
After Lorraine leaves her husband, she returns home to stay with her parents.
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FunTranscript
00:00🎵
00:30🎵
00:40Meryl!
00:41Oh, here's your father.
00:42Now, remember what I said.
00:44Keep out of his way.
00:45Alright?
00:48Hello dear.
00:49You're early.
00:50Hello Dad.
00:51Hello Pop.
00:53Hello Dad.
00:59🎵
01:27What's the matter?
01:29Thought I might have something contagious.
01:31What's going on, Meryl?
01:33You've complained every evening this week
01:35that you'd like a bit of peace and quiet while you're having your dinner.
01:38So I've told them to keep out of your way.
01:39Well, it does get a bit much, you know.
01:40Three adult kids all living at home.
01:42Don't tell me, tell them.
01:44They're bigger than me.
01:45They might get annoyed and throw me out.
01:47I'll get your dinner.
01:48I'll have it in the living room.
01:49I'm going to watch television.
01:55No, it's not necessary.
01:57Not, not, not necessary.
01:58Hold on, hold on.
01:59Pop, this is ridiculous.
02:01Look, Dad, just tell us which room you want.
02:03Okay.
02:04But make your mind up, Dad.
02:05It's running backwards and forwards.
02:06So please use wherever you are.
02:07The living room, if you wouldn't mind.
02:08And would you object if I had television on?
02:11Well, um, what do you say?
02:13I suppose you could have it on quietly.
02:16Dad?
02:17No sport.
02:22Well, don't all rush to answer the door, will you?
02:25Oh, good evening.
02:27Mrs. Brown from Oakley Drive.
02:29I represent the local residents' association.
02:32And Mr. Crabtree, isn't it?
02:34Yes, and I paid last week.
02:35Good.
02:36Now, you have four children, is it?
02:39Oh, in a manner of speaking, yes.
02:41Good, good.
02:42Now, then, we're holding a children's party on Saturday the 19th.
02:46We'd love you to bring them along.
02:48It'll be great fun.
02:49There'll be lots to eat.
02:51Gay, you know, usual things.
02:53Blind men's butter balloons.
02:57Free donkey rides.
02:59And each kiddie will be given a little present.
03:02Last year, it was a craning set.
03:04Oh, very nice.
03:05Good.
03:06Now, how old are your kiddies?
03:0820.
03:0923.
03:1019 and three weeks.
03:11And the other one's 24.
03:12What time do we have to be there?
03:13Will there be jelly of ice cream and sticky buns?
03:15Well, you see, I...
03:16It's a fancy dress.
03:17Oh, all right.
03:18Very, very amusing.
03:19I'm afraid our children aren't anymore.
03:20This is them as they are now.
03:22Oh.
03:23Yes.
03:24Run along, children.
03:27Well, if you'd like to get away from them all,
03:30why don't you come along and help on Saturday the 19th?
03:33Parrish Hall, 2 o'clock.
03:35I'll be there.
03:36Good, good.
03:37Goodbye.
03:38Goodbye.
03:44I love a craning set.
03:46Been years since we had a donkey ride.
03:48He's not anywhere anymore.
03:50Sticky buns.
03:54Have you told him about this party you're having here tonight?
03:57No, not yet.
03:58Are you and Dad going out?
03:59Well, the Bensons have asked us round, but I haven't told him yet.
04:02He's not very keen on the Bensons.
04:04We'll have to lead up to it gradually.
04:06Sort of suggest it.
04:07Subtly.
04:08Very subtly.
04:18Had a hard day at the office, Pop?
04:20Yeah.
04:21Might do you good if you went out tonight.
04:23If you're going to come in here, keep quiet.
04:25I'm trying to watch television.
04:26Absolutely nothing on the box this evening.
04:28Absolutely nothing worth watching.
04:29No, they're repeating the repeats of the repeats that they repeated last year.
04:32Quiet!
04:34I'm sorry, but I had one of those days, you know.
04:36Nothing has gone right.
04:37Oh, I'm sure it wasn't as bad as that.
04:39What did you have for lunch?
04:41Chicken salad.
04:42Oh.
04:44Oh, chicken salad.
04:45Very nice, darling.
04:47I love her.
04:48See what I mean?
04:49You know, this lot think I'm an intolerant, crotchety old menace.
04:53Oh, no, they don't, Arthur.
04:55Do you?
04:58I don't know if I can make a point, but I'd watch it if I were you lot,
05:01because I might just get fed up of supporting four adults for the rest of my life.
05:06Only three of us.
05:08Your sister Lorraine's angling to come back as well.
05:10No, her marriage has just been going through a few ups and downs lately, that's all.
05:14They haven't got on since that husband of hers cut her finger as well as the cake at the wedding reception.
05:20Yes, I suppose Raymond isn't much of an asset.
05:22No, I've got him down under the liabilities.
05:24It's a good film on the telly tonight, isn't it?
05:26Oh, no, Dad, no, it's grotty. It's been on six times before, you'd hate it.
05:29It's supposed to be an unusual whodunit.
05:31And you know who did it?
05:32Don't tell me.
05:33I won't.
05:34Just keep an eye on Betty Davis, that's all.
05:39Anyway, you and Mum are going out this evening, aren't you, Mum?
05:41What?
05:42Well, the Bensons have asked us round, dear.
05:46Oh, well, if it's a choice between a grotty old film on television with Betty Davis and the Bensons,
05:51I'll watch the film.
05:54I'll answer the door.
05:56They do a very nice supper at the Bensons.
05:58The way things are going tonight, it'll be chicken salad.
06:00A night out would do you good, Dad.
06:02You've been looking very peaky lately.
06:04What's going on, Beryl?
06:06Nothing's going on, dear.
06:08They just think a night out would do you good.
06:10And in any case, they're having a little bit of a party here this evening.
06:13Oh, so that's it.
06:14I'm being thrown out of my home so this lot can have a rave up.
06:17It won't be a rave up, Dad.
06:19It's a late celebration for my girlfriend's birthday last week.
06:21Why can't you hold it round her plate?
06:23Because of her father's allergy.
06:25Oh.
06:26What's he allergic to?
06:27Me.
06:29I don't want to go out tonight.
06:30I don't want to sit here and I want to watch television.
06:32Who's at the front door?
06:33Raymond.
06:34Who?
06:35Lorraine's husband.
06:36Oh.
06:37Look, we'd better sort tonight out, then.
06:39Look, I don't want any more arguments or difficulties.
06:42Hello.
06:43Oh, Raymond.
06:44What brings you here?
06:46A taxi.
06:48Lorraine's taken the car.
06:50She's, er...
06:51She's left me.
06:52Took most of her things.
06:54Oh, that's all I need.
06:55But what happened?
06:56Not a lot.
06:57I just complained about my tea.
06:58Oh, you shouldn't criticise Raymond.
07:00But she cooked toad in the hole and it tasted like real toad.
07:05She got annoyed.
07:06Said she was coming home here to you.
07:07Didn't you try to talk her out of it?
07:09No, I said I'd come with her and we could both get a decent meal.
07:13And you thought she was here and you've come to take her back?
07:16No, I've just come to bring the rest of her things.
07:18Half bottle of nail varnish, suspender belt,
07:20pair of toenail clippers I bought her on our honeymoon.
07:22Raymond, Raymond, just hold it a moment.
07:24Before you give us a complete inventory of your marital debris,
07:27I think we ought to talk about this, don't you?
07:29No, no, I've made up my mind.
07:30Frankly, I think I'd prefer to be single.
07:32But you're not single, Raymond, you're married.
07:34I know, I was there.
07:36You're not going to desert my daughter.
07:38After all I've been through with Lorraine,
07:39I'm not so much a deserter as a refugee.
07:42She is your responsibility.
07:44I walked her down the aisle, I handed her over to you.
07:47Who giveth this woman to be married to this man?
07:49I gaveth, I gaveth.
07:50And you took her, you bloody well keepeth.
07:55She's your wife, Raymond, you're committed.
07:57Yeah, I think I should have been.
07:59Look, you took her for better or worse.
08:01But she's a lot worse than what I took her for.
08:04No, it's not going to get any better.
08:07So here.
08:09Look, I'm sorry, Dad.
08:12No, you have my regrets.
08:13I knew it, I knew it.
08:14You never should have married her in the first place.
08:16It wasn't my fault.
08:18No, I think I should reveal that in actual fact
08:20it was Lorraine that proposed to me.
08:21But you didn't have to say yes.
08:23You weren't pregnant, were you?
08:26All right, Arthur, calm down.
08:27Now, going berserk won't help.
08:28I wish I'd never set eyes on him.
08:30That's what Lorraine's always saying.
08:32Yeah, and she's always telling people how we first met.
08:34You know, when I was working in the travel bureau.
08:36She tells them she came in to book a holiday
08:38and I was the last resort.
08:45You can't hold Raymond prisoner in the living room all night.
08:47It's all right, it's all right.
08:48Tracy's keeping an eye on him.
08:50Look, Beryl, I wanted a quiet evening watching television.
08:52I can't stand being in the same room as him.
08:54So you'll stay in there while we find out what's happened to Lorraine.
08:57He's watching that film you wanted to see.
09:00Is he?
09:01Yes.
09:02Oh, Lorraine will probably phone.
09:04She always does when there's trouble between them.
09:06Yeah.
09:07British Telecom have made enough out of their relationship
09:09to put up a new post office tower.
09:12Hold it.
09:13What's going on?
09:14What's all this?
09:15It's just a few drinks for the party, Dad.
09:17We're trying to arrange it somewhere else.
09:18Yeah, he's working on the principle
09:19that most of our friends have sympathetic fathers.
09:22Excuse me, Raymond is getting very restless.
09:24Yes, right.
09:25You two lads go and sit on him or something.
09:27He's trying to ease out from under his responsibility.
09:29Hi, anyone in?
09:31Evening each.
09:33Now, before you say anything,
09:35I am not here to find out who arrived in a taxi earlier on.
09:39No.
09:40And I am not here because I've got nothing better to do.
09:42Fair enough. Good night, Beryl.
09:43OK.
09:44All right, Beryl.
09:45He is not to know that I am here
09:47on a question of utterly crucial importance.
09:49And the question is, what have you run out of this time?
09:52As far as you're concerned, patience.
09:55May I have a word with you outside this ear shop, Beryl?
09:58Well, what is it?
10:01Your Lorraine is round at my pets.
10:04She's what?
10:05I'm talking to Beryl.
10:06What's she doing round at your pets?
10:09I am an emissary.
10:13She didn't come straight here, Arthur,
10:15because of the sort of attitude you've just been displaying.
10:17And who can blame her?
10:19I can put her up if you like.
10:21My Trevor says it's OK, as long as she doesn't object to my pets.
10:25Pets?
10:26You've got enough wildlife round there to restock London Zoo.
10:29Oh, you don't exaggerate.
10:31Vera, I wonder...
10:33I wonder if...
10:35I wonder if I could have your assistance, please.
10:37Trevor, want a glass of sherry?
10:39No, no, I won't.
10:40Thank you, Arthur.
10:41I've got Goliath here, and he's proving to be a bit of a handful.
10:44Get...
10:46Get...
10:47He's all worked up, Vera.
10:49He's just tasted blood.
10:51You didn't give him that raw steak I chopped up for the piranhas?
10:54No, he's just had a lump out of my leg.
10:57Get back here!
10:58Get...
10:59I had to bring him out.
11:00He was doing GBH to the three-piece suite.
11:03It's the parrot's fault.
11:04Shh, shh, shh.
11:05He's always egging him on.
11:06That parrot loves me.
11:07I'm not a bloody parrot.
11:08We're discussing my daughter.
11:09Will you both...
11:10Will you both please keep your voice down?
11:12If he hears the word parrot, he may very well...
11:17I'm fine.
11:18Glad you're taking care of that, then.
11:19Excuse me, excuse...
11:20Excuse me.
11:21Yeah?
11:22Do you mind if I leave now?
11:23Why?
11:24Lorraine's in the living room.
11:25She's just come round from next door.
11:26She wants to see her mother alone.
11:28Oh, well, you stay here, Arthur.
11:30I'll go and talk to her in private.
11:31Good idea.
11:32I'll come with you.
11:34Raymond.
11:35Sit down.
11:37Come on, let's talk about this sensibly.
11:40Now, there's a lot to be said for marriage, you know.
11:42And I dare say, in the not-too-distant future,
11:44it'll make a comeback.
11:45Yeah, my cousin, Frank, he's getting married next year.
11:48Oh.
11:49Oh, is he?
11:50That's...
11:51That's good.
11:52Well...
11:53Yeah, she's, er...
11:54She's one of twins, actually.
11:55Oh, that's, er...
11:56That's very interesting, Raymond.
11:58Er...
11:59How does he tell them apart?
12:01Well, for a start, the brother's got a beard.
12:06Yes, well, there we are, then.
12:07But he is getting married, then?
12:08Yeah, and it serves him right.
12:09I've never liked him.
12:10Oh, Raymond, you haven't got the right attitude to this at all, have you?
12:13And you haven't been together with Lorraine long enough
12:15to know whether you're satisfied with married life.
12:17Oh, I'm satisfied.
12:18You are?
12:19Yeah, I've had enough of it.
12:21Raymond, Lorraine is your wife,
12:23and you should give her a fair hearing.
12:25Look, don't interrupt, darling, please.
12:27We're having a private discussion.
12:31No, no, go on.
12:32You were saying about giving the wife a fair hearing.
12:34You...
12:35Well, I, er...
12:36Yes, darling, what was it?
12:38I've talked to her, Raymond, and I'm sure she's willing to be reasonable,
12:41so it only requires you to be the same.
12:43But I always am.
12:44No, no, no, no, no, really.
12:46No, if ever we have a difference of opinion and she's in the right,
12:49I give in immediately.
12:50And if you're in the right?
12:51That's never happened yet, you see what I mean?
12:53It's hopeless, it's hopeless.
12:55Oh, poor Lorraine.
12:57Remember what that lovely vicar said.
13:00That is my advice, Lorraine.
13:02Love, honour and obey.
13:05Well, they've dropped the obey now, haven't they?
13:07But it might be a good idea if it were reintroduced.
13:10And the husband said it.
13:11There, there.
13:12But you must, you must respect one another.
13:15Mind you, I do have to reprimand my Trevor on occasions,
13:19but then he can be such a twit.
13:21I said to him this morning.
13:23I said, you don't take an interest in anything I do.
13:26He said he did.
13:27He'd been up all night wondering what I put in the goulash we'd have for supper.
13:31Better, better.
13:32Well, I must go and get a meal for Trevor and all the other animals.
13:37Now you are here,
13:38it is your duty to listen to what your father has to say.
13:42Oh, thank you, that's very good of you.
13:44If you want my advice, get a divorce.
13:50Apparently one of their problems is the awful place they're living in.
13:53Lorraine won't go back there.
13:55I understand the roof leaks.
13:56Only when it rains.
13:58All right, so we'll mend the roof.
14:00Now, is there anything else?
14:01It's not just a question of fixing the roof, Arthur.
14:03It goes much deeper than that.
14:04Yeah, the cellar's leaking as well.
14:07Look, Lorraine, why don't you talk to your father?
14:09He's only trying to help.
14:11I'm sorry, but I'm not going to sit here and discuss my marriage in front of Raymond.
14:15You mean he isn't involved?
14:17No, right, I'll be off then.
14:18Sit down, sit down.
14:19I'm supporting enough people already, you're not leaving me with another.
14:22Look, if you could just show a little human tolerance.
14:25Excuse me, Dad.
14:26Can't you see I'm busy?
14:27It's about the party.
14:28I've been thinking.
14:29How would it be if we started off down at the pub
14:32and then came back here later after you and Mum had gone to bed early?
14:35Out.
14:37Now, where was I?
14:38It doesn't matter, Dad.
14:39I don't feel like talking about it at the moment.
14:40Look, Lorraine, I was going to have a quiet evening watching the telly.
14:42I want to get this sorted out so I can have one more.
14:44Well, I might as well.
14:45Sit, sit, sit, sit.
14:46Up, up, up.
14:51Right, now.
14:53I'd forgotten what I was going to say now.
14:55You were talking about tolerance.
14:57Ah, yes, I was, yes.
14:59You have to learn to cope with the differences that all married couples have occasionally.
15:03Yeah, that's it, like your mother and I do.
15:05I mean, she gets a bit peculiar from time to time, but we...
15:08I do not.
15:09Yes, you do, dear. We manage...
15:11What do you mean, peculiar?
15:13Well, you tend to sulk. We...
15:16I've never sulked in my life.
15:18Oh, come on, you're the past master of the feminine art of silent brooding, but we manage...
15:21Oh, am I?
15:22Well, what about that holiday in Spain when you sulked for a week
15:25because I forgot to pack your snorkel?
15:27Well, that's typical.
15:28That was over two years ago.
15:30Every time we have a few words, you dredge up some petty grievance
15:33you've been harbouring since time immemorial.
15:35Yeah, Lorraine's just like her.
15:36Shut up!
15:38Wait, wait, wait, wait.
15:40No, no, if you and the wife won't have a little row, who am I to intrude?
15:44Yes, you started it.
15:45No, I didn't start it.
15:46Yes, you did.
15:47I did not.
15:48Yes, you did.
15:49Get back in there.
15:51We are supposed to present a united front, Beryl.
15:54Oh, the...
15:59Oh, do come in, Mr Benson.
16:02I just wish you'd set a bit better example...
16:05I do hope I'm not intruding.
16:09Quiet evening at home, so...
16:13The wife sent me round.
16:16Ah, yes.
16:17You see, we're in a quandary at our place.
16:21In fact, it's more than a quandary, it's almost a mutiny.
16:26What's the trouble?
16:27One of your lads, Nigel, Nigel, I believe,
16:31has just phoned us to say that you and your lady wife
16:36won't be coming round to our place tonight
16:38and that the party here may well be cancelled.
16:40Party?
16:41Yes, the kids' party here, this evening.
16:45You see, our two youngsters, Tyrone...
16:49And Natalie.
16:50They've been invited, you see, and they've got all ready.
16:54They've even had a bath.
16:57Mrs Benson and myself have been preparing for this evening for ages.
17:02My wife has been up to her elbows
17:05in devil kidneys and prune surprise all afternoon.
17:08I've been working awfully hard on a gallon of fruit punch.
17:12I've been straining me pips for hours, you see.
17:17Well, we've had a bit of a family problem here, Mr Benson.
17:21Oh, no, it can't be.
17:24Oh, no, it can't be a patch on the one I'm having round at our place, no.
17:29The kids are revolting.
17:32The wife has just dumped a dish of horse's duvers in the dustbin
17:36and locked herself in the loo.
17:38I do hope you can confirm that this has all been a mistake.
17:44Arthur, is it?
17:46Well, Beryl?
17:48Under the circumstances, we can't very well call it off now.
17:52No, I think Nigel probably made a mistake.
17:55In fact, I know he has.
17:57Don't worry, we'll be round in about half an hour, Mr Benson.
18:01So, in fact, it's all on and you can go and inform your...
18:05Thanks a lot, Dad. I do appreciate that.
18:08Well done, Dad.
18:10Have a nice time this evening, then.
18:13Oh, well, I am relieved.
18:16Well, I look forward to seeing you both later on, then, eh?
18:21Later on.
18:23Well, I'll get back to my place and tell my mum the glad tidings.
18:28Right, right, right.
18:30Could you give us a hand with the sandwiches, Mum?
18:32Nigel!
18:34Very, very clever.
18:36I just phoned to say that you'd changed your mind and the whole thing was off.
18:39It was the least I could do.
18:41Next time I want a social say.
18:43Can someone give me a hand with this door?
18:48Don't mention it.
18:51Is Tony Lewis coming? Yes.
18:53Oh, good. I've always had a thing about him.
18:56Raymond's not staying for the festivities, then?
18:59Obviously not. He's gone, thank goodness.
19:02He's what?
19:04Raymond?
19:06Raymond?
19:08Raymond has escaped.
19:10Well, don't worry.
19:12She'll probably go back to him in a few days.
19:14Probably is not good enough, Beryl.
19:16Excuse me, Arthur.
19:18And as we're going out shortly, don't just stand there.
19:21Go and get changed or you'll be late.
19:36What are you doing there, Dad?
19:38Waiting for your mother to finish getting changed.
19:41Oh, I'm sorry about me and Raymond.
19:44I had to get away to think things over.
19:47It's so difficult.
19:49Living with other people can be difficult, can't it?
19:53You'll find out how difficult other people can be.
19:57And the difficulties that that causes.
19:59Yes, it's, er...
20:01It's difficult.
20:03Yes. You won't mind if I move back into my old room?
20:07Oh, thank you, Daddy.
20:09It's only for the time being.
20:12I'll tell Mum you said...
20:14No, don't do that or she'll get...
20:16Arthur!
20:17..difficult.
20:18Are you ready?
20:20When you are, my dear.
20:22But I won't be long.
20:23And have a word with the kids about this party.
20:26As we're not going to be here, I don't want them taking advantage.
20:29Good idea.
20:30That's a jolly good idea. Come on.
20:33All right, kids, sit down. Daddy wants to talk to you.
20:36Come on. Pronto, pronto.
20:39It pleases me to have a word with you about your conduct during our absence.
20:43However, I don't think it's necessary to instruct four overgrown adults
20:47in the niceties of not getting sloshed, not indulging in lewd behaviour
20:51and not wrecking the joint.
20:53However, as we are all gathered here tonight,
20:56not, I might add, with my enthusiastic approval,
20:59there are a few things that need to be stated and understood.
21:02Yes, but we're not...
21:04I'll do the stating and you do the understanding, all right?
21:08Until you find alternative accommodation,
21:10we will be sorting out who pays for what,
21:13who eats what and whether they've paid for it,
21:15who lives here, how much and when I'm going to get it.
21:17Dad, I'm waiting to go to college. I pay mum what I can...
21:20Get a temporary job, then. Get a temporary job.
21:23I mean, what you pay now is irrelevant
21:25on the grounds that what is your pocket money now
21:27was my hard-earned money in the first place.
21:29I'll pay my own way, but it's really...
21:31We'll be sorting you all out individually.
21:33But in the meantime, do your shares of the household chores,
21:37and try to avoid getting on my wig.
21:39Arthur...
21:40Or your mother's, presuming she had one.
21:42Yes, dear?
21:43What have you been telling them?
21:45A few home truths, love.
21:47Like, for example, put that apple back.
21:49What?
21:50Put that... That's my apple. Put it back.
21:52What is he talking about?
21:53It's the principle of the thing.
21:55It might only be an apple here and a ham sandwich there,
21:57but it's a drain on resources which is not being paid for,
21:59so put it back.
22:00Arthur, he bought all that fruit.
22:03Paul buys his own food.
22:05In fact, the chicken salad you had for dinner
22:07came from Paul's chicken.
22:12Well...
22:13Thank you, son, it was delicious.
22:17Have a banana.
22:19Is that it?
22:20Yes, yes, carry on.
22:22But remember, there will be no loutishness,
22:24excessive boozing or lecherous immorality in this house tonight.
22:27Of course not, Dad. You're going out.
22:30Come on, Beryl, let's quit while I'm still slightly ahead.
22:34Come on, Beryl, let's quit while I'm still slightly ahead.
22:59I thought Nigel said half a dozen people.
23:01He never was very good at maths.
23:09Hi there.
23:10Great party.
23:12I'm Melanie. Who are you?
23:14Well, actually, I'm the father.
23:16The father of who?
23:18Nigel, Paul, Tracey, Lorraine. Shall I go on?
23:21You can't possibly be. You're not old enough.
23:24Oh, come on. Seriously.
23:26I am not old enough, but I am married very young.
23:29Really?
23:30Yes, I married when I was about 11.
23:32Arthur!
23:34This is my Beryl.
23:37My wife, Beryl.
23:39Melanie.
23:42Lucky you.
23:47What a nice girl.
23:50It's one o'clock in the morning, Arthur,
23:52and I think they should all go home.
23:54You go on up and I'll get this shindig wound up immediately.
23:57Tell them to turn that music off.
23:59Right.
24:00Nigel!
24:01Hello, Dad.
24:02Hello.
24:03A few more people turned up, actually.
24:05Where's Mum?
24:06Gone to bed.
24:07It's a bit crowded, so I expect you'll be doing the same.
24:10Nigel, Nigel.
24:11Excuse me, Dad, I've got a sick female in the kitchen.
24:14Sick?
24:15Too many...
24:16I warned you, didn't I?
24:18Isn't that typical, the younger generation?
24:20Too much to drink, can't help.
24:22Look, young lady, young lady.
24:24Oh, I feel a lot better now.
24:29Let's get back to the action.
24:31What are you doing here?
24:33Having a good time.
24:34What are you doing?
24:38Trevor isn't here, I think.
24:39No, no, no, he's at Animal City.
24:42Nigel!
24:43You said you'd only be a minute.
24:46Well, um...
24:48I'll be outside by the car, waiting.
24:55Can I have the car keys, Dad, please?
24:57No.
24:58We're not going anywhere, she came on a moped.
25:01Oh.
25:04Oh, hello, Pop, back already?
25:06Bring this thing to a rapid conclusion.
25:08What's with Rory?
25:09Well, Raymond's on the phone for her.
25:11Raymond? I want him.
25:13Excuse me.
25:14Excuse me, miss.
25:18Hi, Dad.
25:19No, Raymond, it's a party.
25:22No, I'm not celebrating.
25:24What?
25:25Oh, you want me to come back?
25:27Well, I...
25:29I'm sorry, no, I'm quite happy here, thank you.
25:31Good night.
25:32Did you want something, Dad?
25:33No.
25:34Arthur, are you doing something about all this?
25:36Uh, yes, dear, yes, I am, yes.
25:40Yes, I think I will.
25:47Pardon me, miss.
25:49Would you care for a drink?
25:51Would you care for this, darling?
25:53Why not?
26:02Arthur, what the hell are you doing?
26:04Acting on the very old principle, darling.
26:06And what's that?
26:07If you can't beat them...
26:21And there are more laughs to be had, more comedy to come.
26:24Here next on Forces TV.
26:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE