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00:00Dave is back this week.
00:02We wanted JJ in the mix, but we didn't want Dave to know.
00:07So Jerry is going to be disguised as a
00:09female crew member.
00:12He's going to be behind one of the cameras.
00:14And then he's going to wait to kind of reveal himself.
00:17I think he's not going to get recognized by Dave.
00:20I think it's a good disguise.
00:22And I think the payoff will be unbelievable.
00:24Today, we're going to be doing a little bit of a
00:27And I think the payoff will be unbelievable.
00:29Do it.
00:30Get it over with.
00:31I mean, that is the worst, worst disguise I've ever seen.
00:35I knew it wasn't going to work.
00:37You thought it was going to work.
00:39It wasn't my idea.
00:40What do you think, I'm stupid?
00:41Come on.
00:42I thought it was believable.
00:43You thought that's believable.
00:48Today, we're getting him dressed as
00:50Stuart Finer's father.
00:52This outfit is on point.
00:53Perfect.
00:54That's like all the ways that I've sat down, like with the
00:56glasses and everything.
01:02We also have Stu's father's here.
01:04He brought him out to Chicago this week.
01:05See it.
01:06And Sandy's in the background.
01:06Love, and Sandy's in the background as well.
01:09Jerry's not here.
01:09Let's talk pants.
01:11Listen, what I watched Parsons do to Lane Johnson,
01:14nobody's done that to him.
01:15So not even TJ Watt can't even hold their jockstrap?
01:18TJ, TJ Watt's always hurting.
01:20It's true.
01:23What was that noise?
01:25What was that noise?
01:38I'm taking it home.
01:40I'm taking it home.
01:41He got you.
01:42He got you.
01:47Howie Finer.
01:48Howie Finer.
01:49The reincarnation of Howie Finer.
01:54What's going on, Ashley?
01:55How are you?
01:56Good, how are you?
01:57Spider.
01:58Good morning.
01:59How are you, Dave?
02:00Good.
02:01Good to see you back.
02:04So back.
02:07Oh, you got the ads there?
02:08Yeah, yeah.
02:09Oh, casket.
02:12No, that's from the WWE show.
02:15Oh, yeah.
02:16Oh, yeah.
02:17Oh, yeah.
02:18Oh, yeah.
02:19Oh, yeah.
02:21No, that's from the WWE shoot we did.
02:24They did a whole ring in here.
02:26They did a casket match and an ambulance match.
02:29Did you ever see the clip of the ambulance?
02:31Chey in the ambulance?
02:41Making sure he's not in there.
02:43We have junk everywhere.
02:46Welcome to the Barstool Sports Advisory,
02:50America's premier sports information program
02:54with Dave Elprez-Portnoy,
02:57Dan Big Cat Caps,
03:01and the source, Stu Finer.
03:05Barstool Sports Advisors.
03:07We are back, back, back, back, back, back, back.
03:11Is there an echo?
03:12So back.
03:13Back.
03:14I'm here, as always.
03:15We've got Ashley, back, Weather Girl,
03:18Tommy on stats, Stu, your source, Finer,
03:23and Dave Portnoy is here with us.
03:25It's great to have you back in that chair, Dave.
03:26Good to be here.
03:27Great to have you back in that chair.
03:29Boys, how we doing?
03:30How we feeling?
03:31Excited.
03:32Yeah.
03:33It's gonna be an amazing NFL season.
03:34I mean, anything can happen.
03:35There's ten teams that go in the Super Bowl.
03:36I'm very excited.
03:37Yes, it's going to be an incredible, incredible NFL season.
03:40We'll be back.
03:41I'm excited for you guys.
03:42I'm excited for you.
03:43Welcome to the Barstool Sports Advisory,
03:46America's premier sports information program.
03:48We are back, back, back, back, back.
03:50Is there an echo?
03:51So back.
03:52Back.
03:53So back.
03:54season. By the way, we do, so we have a new segment this year where we're going to do the worst pick
04:01from the week before. It's presented by Jägermeister. Ice Cold Picks presented by
04:06Jägermeister. Jägermeister is best enjoyed ice cold at zero degrees Fahrenheit. Damn, that's cold.
04:12Don't wait for your friends to order a round of drinks. Call the shots and order a round of ice
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04:29Imported by Mast. Jägermeister, U.S. White Plains, New York. So, every week we will do the worst pick
04:36the week before because it's week one. We will recap last year's picks. Dave, you went 48.3%
04:43with 14 and 15, 1 and 4 on mortals. Not good. We got to fix that. Not good. We got to fix that.
04:50Jerry was 46%. Stu, you were 44.1%. Tommy, 58%. Great job. 99 on mortal locks. And I finished
04:5950.2%. I was hot at the end of the year. Very hot at the end of the year. You were on fire.
05:05We got to bring these numbers up. We got to bring these numbers up. Got to win for the public.
05:09Yeah, we got to win for the public. We got to win in memory of your dad. The entire year,
05:13the whole year, what people were saying is, let me just say, first of all, it's an honor to have you
05:16here. You spearhead the show. The show is nothing without you. Let me just say that. That's number
05:20one. Number two, I heard shit all fucking year. They're like, Stu, we don't give a fuck if you're
05:25funny. We don't care that you invented the sports gambling industry. We don't care about your 15,
05:2915, 30 or your nonsense or your pomp and circumstance. Fucking win. Shut your fucking
05:33mouth and fucking win. So, I got to win. I mean, that's the bottom line. The show is about winning.
05:38It's about entertaining, but it's about winning. I just want to say, first of all, Dave,
05:42um, when you came to the house for my father's shiver, I just want to say, uh, that was pretty
05:48much the most touching moment of our relationship. Shout out Howie. Shout out Howie. Godfather.
05:55The Godfather. I wanted my father to be part of the show. I love it. So, clap it up for the
06:00Godfather. The Godfather. Fucking dead physically, but here forever. I love it. I love it. Stu,
06:11that's touching. Thank you. Yes. We miss him. We miss him. To get this to the airport was a
06:15fucking nightmare. They didn't believe what it was. They were trying to open. I'm like,
06:19you can't. It's my fault. It's fucking ashes. They're like, can you have a certificate from
06:23the cemetery? I'm like, no. They're like, well, we don't care. You know, it's like a whole to do.
06:27How did the dry runs go as far as like a couple of times you had faked his, his passing? And
06:34how did that, did that build upon the actual passing or not? Did you think you were ready
06:39for the passing because you had done so many preseason deaths? Okay. Well, let me re let me
06:44rebut that. When I cried like a bitch on Instagram and you said that was a fake death. That was
06:50actually when I left the doctor's office and he actually told me my father has six months to live.
06:57So in reality, that moment he really did die, just not physically. Right. So it wasn't really
07:01like making it. Yeah. Well, you didn't clear it up though. Well, that's why I'm trying to
07:06and you killed your dog. Remember you killed your dog. Great dog. Great dog. Aria. You did,
07:13you did the video last year where you said last walk ever with the last walk with Aria.
07:18And it was just because you were just coming to Chicago for two days. Yeah. But in other words,
07:23for me, that is like, but if you do a video with your dog and say last walk, everyone's like, oh
07:28my God, I really don't have, um, a grasp on the English language. So when I talk,
07:36it means, uh, SATs with three 90 English. They asked me if I was Jewish. They also asked me if
07:41I was something else. I can't say that right now, but be that as it may, I don't have a grasp of
07:45the English language. So when I tried to articulate, it comes out wrong. So I own that I'm an
07:51idiot. I'm a moron. And, uh, I own that, uh, there's a lot of drama involved with what I do,
07:57but just to clear up my father, that was when the doctor told me he was going to die in six months.
08:02He did live two years. Thank God. And Aria was just a simple, it was the last walk with Aria
08:07before I left. Yeah. That's it. And you love your dog. You know how this is. Yeah. I want it. I
08:11want it. I want to do it. There's the last walk, like sad crying video with peaches.
08:17No, not before just coming to Chicago. No, I would not. Well, it was the first time we were
08:22separate. Yeah. Well, I'm glad he's here. I'm glad. Thank you. Shout out Howie. Let's let's
08:27season of our lives for Howie. Yes. Let's do that. Let's do it. Okay. Let's do it. All right. So
08:32let's get into the games. We got week one ready to go. We're going to start because we have Dave
08:37here Patriots at Bengals. Cause we want to know the state of Patriot nation, Dave, uh, Bengals.
08:43What do you say? No, I'm waiting for you to kick it to me and I'm going to tell you the state.
08:50Okay. All right. Okay. All right. So Patriots of Bengals Bengals minus seven and a half, uh,
08:53over, under is 40 and a half. We'll start with the weather. Then go to Tommy. Then I want the
08:57state of Patriots nation. Okay. Weather in Cincinnati on Sunday. Gotcha. In Cincinnati,
09:02it's going to be 68 and sunny. Whoa. Love it. And you nailed Cincinnati. Tommy. I usually don't
09:10want to lay big points. Week one, week one, underdogs of more than a touchdown 25 and 13
09:15against the spread, including a perfect five and O at home. Yeah. Jacoby Bursette. He's not,
09:20he's not bad. He's not good, but you would never say he's bad. No. Uh, listen,
09:27the Patriots fans. I think we're observers this year. Like we, this is the lowest expectations.
09:33What is this side convo going on here? What's happening. Yeah. That's what I was going to say.
09:41Cincinnati is holding five and 13. Right. Okay. Right. Right. It's preseason. Right. Just made a
09:47snap. Uh, yeah, I, that shows I do. I don't listen to anything he says. I, I, yeah, I didn't hear
09:53that 25 and 13. Just like big, big, okay. Blah, blah, blah. All right. Yeah. This is, this is
10:01really an observed year for the Patriots. Like this is the first year I will not place a wager
10:06on them to win the super bowl. And God knows for how long I don't expect them to be good.
10:11I I'll watch, I'll root for him early. I think the Bengals crushed them in this game. You're
10:16an NFL fan. Yeah. I'm an NFL fan and haven't been that way in a long time. I, they just,
10:21there's no way any rational Patriot fan has any hopes for them. Um, obviously if Drake May was
10:26playing, it becomes a lot more exciting to see what we got with Jacoby playing. I, I, it's just,
10:33I guess it's, we're going through the motions on it. I will, I think Bengals are going to crush
10:38them. I'm not going to bet the game because I still won't bet against the Patriots, but I think
10:42the Bengals kill them. If I'm doing any time TD score, I take a Patriots to Mario Douglas. I think
10:47he's a good player. You have a play on the over under, uh, it's 40 and a half. I would probably
10:52go under. Ooh, I like it, but I like it. I like it. I think their defense is still going to be
10:58good, Dave. I think their office is going to be terrible, but yeah, I mean, I lost Jude on,
11:02uh, they got the rookie back from Oregon who was great, who got hurt, but they stink. I think
11:07they're the worst team in the league. Maybe Carolina, maybe. Yeah. Maybe. Do you have a team
11:12that you're going to be rooting for to win the Superbowl? So a couple of futures that I thought
11:16about, I have not placed them. I do have a Phillies Texans parlay. I don't know if I'm just stepping
11:22into the Texans trap. Uh, I, I think digs, uh, Stefan digs is a great one, one and a half year
11:31player Eagles Texans. But, uh, what's that? No, he'd say he took the field. Yeah. Yeah.
11:40We're in a new era of, of, of Dave gambling. Yes. He just hit a future monster belts. Yeah. Well,
11:45you see what I got. You see the future. You see what I got going on WNBA. It's unbelievable. Yeah.
11:50Oh my God. Uh, yeah, she could make a run. It's not like, it's not like pine, the skydome ball.
11:53She's the best player ever. And she could lead the team to the, we might have to do an advisor's
11:57episode when they WNBA. I never do this ever. What are you laughing at? What are you going to do?
12:05WNBA. Yeah. Yeah. I never do this, but I think I am 99% there in Indiana fever tattoo.
12:13If they want Clark or just 20 years, I've never done one of these tattoo bets. That is a stick
12:22part of my take. You guys cut the fingers off that too bad. I haven't, I got all five fingers.
12:27If I win 10 million on the fever, I think I'm going to, I will. Someone said, get the tattoo.
12:32I think I'll get the tattoo. Okay. If you win the 10 million, you get to tattoo. And I've been
12:36against it. Cause Jews don't get tattoos. I'll get an angel Reese tattoo. Oh, listen, she's smoking
12:42hot. I mean, she owns me. I just want to share a good level. She's smoking. That's WNBA stew right
12:46there. I love her. I can't get enough of her. She's stunning. She's not my cup of tea. No,
12:52not, not, not physically. I just as a player. Yeah. Uh, okay. So Dave,
12:57you have the under and remanded remanded Stevenson. No, no. Mario Douglas tomorrow.
13:02All right. I like the under as well. I think week one and Bengals, by the way,
13:06it was the other team that I was flirting with the future for the super 13 to one.
13:09Uh, I didn't like what Joe Barrow wore in France or on the backless. That's I literally was
13:15placing the bet. I saw the backless suit and I know we all like Joe Burrow, including me. Um,
13:20you got to win before you start wearing those backless. He's he's going like Brady. Brady
13:26didn't do that until he had like four soup bowls in the pocket. Yeah. He's coming in. He's got the
13:30M and M hair. He's getting a little ahead of himself for my liking. Okay. He did win the
13:34college championship and covered nine street and he should have won the Superbowl against the Ram.
13:38So it isn't like he's a noble and healthy. He is the best quarterback in the end. I,
13:43I people sleep on the Bengals. They forget that they were even there. Yeah. Right. Yeah. They
13:47forgot about Joe Burrow. All right. I'm going to take the under in this game. Early seat,
13:50early game, uh, week one, slow offensively Patriots defense. I still think is going to be
13:56good. They got a defensive head coach. Jacoby reset's not gonna light it up under 40 and a
14:00half. Also Jamar chase is I think he's practicing today, but that's Jamar chase and T Higgins. That
14:05was weird. All all preseason under 40 and a half is my bet. Stu finishes off. Okay. So we have
14:12under, under, under, um, I'm going to go under. I'm going to go under. I'm going to go under. I
14:19think that let's go. Let's go. Earthquake earthquake. That's your dad.
14:41Yeah.
14:42Not true.
14:43It's
15:01from the grave.
15:13Oh,
15:21my son.
15:38Hey,
15:43I saw it.
15:49The 11th commandment. If you spray your, your father's dead ashes, he goes back to life.
15:56I, I opened the casket because it was so obvious he was in there and I saw hands and they look like,
16:04just, uh, like, uh, did the fake hands. They did the dead hands. Yeah. And they,
16:09they just look like it was, uh, like, uh, a doll. Oh my God. It's a Stu finder. There's no one else
16:16in media business in sports gambling business who would be okay with being like, Hey, we have an
16:22idea to have your dead father. They haven't come out week one of the NFL season. I was like anything
16:29and everything, whatever it took. Oh, I'm disappointed in myself. Yeah. Cause you usually
16:35sniff it out. I did sniff it out. I was in the casket. No, you almost walked in, saw the caskets,
16:44like already he's in there, opened it, saw his hands. I'm like, no, that's a doll. He came back
16:50and sat in for some reason, the whole casket and open. Were you holding it when I opened it? No,
16:54it just didn't open everybody's. You couldn't see everybody's head. Everybody's head bowed down.
17:00They're like, God, he's like, obvious thing. And then I was like, you, you were so quick with that
17:06lie. I'm like, he's lying. And I loved it. I went over and open, but I didn't have an answer for
17:14that. I was like, that is true. We had a WWE. I walked over and looked, it wasn't like I listened.
17:21It was like, Oh, good answer, Dan. I walked over, opened the casket and saw his hands and they
17:27looked death. Real plastic doll. Jerry is the greatest to ever do it. Hank is the mastermind
17:34and Jersey. Jerry just commits to the bed. I literally walked through the door and it was
17:44the most obvious thing. Oh my God. All right. So what is actually your pick for this game?
17:52And, and, and by the way,
17:56like he benefits from being like someone who, who has faked his dad's death that he would bring
18:03ashes. That seems like a very new thing to do. We had to, we had to talk Stu out of the whole
18:09time before you got down here. Stu was like, but he's going to know that he got buried and I didn't
18:13get the ashes. Don't say anything. Dave will not think about this. Well, he show up. He doesn't
18:21like to get, you know, God, he got God. I didn't get God. I walked in and saw a casket. I saw the
18:29casket. Raise your hand. Raise your fucking hand. I saw the casket. How did I get God? I,
18:34I saw the casket and I said, he's in the casket. My stomach was in. Not if you just walked around
18:41to the beginning, it was over. It was so over. Well, I opened, I saw it. Don't look at that.
18:46But then I was like, fuck it. Let's just see what happens. Shout out to all veterans. Thank you for
18:50your service. Yes. No, no. Great. Thank you for your service. Well said. In the airport. I go out
18:57of my way. Anybody wearing this hat? I walk over to them. I shake their hand, look them in the eye
19:01like a man and say, thank you for your service. Do you wear that hat? Uh, no, I've never worn this
19:05hat in my life, but now I am. Shout out. Cause that wouldn't be, it wouldn't be appropriate.
19:13No, but it also wouldn't be past you. No, I would do anything. You know that. Yeah. Anything.
19:18And no, any, no, the word anything is too fun. Oh, Dave's Dave got God.
19:26You didn't know that he was dead in there. Of course. I knew he was in there.
19:31I knew he was in there, but I looked and his hands didn't look like real hands. He's got
19:36tiny little fake hands. Close only counts with candy and hand grenades. Yeah. It looked like,
19:41it looked like a doll. Well, you don't get the reference there. You don't watch his show with
19:47Brie. And, uh, I miss that. What was it? Bats or candy every day would be Halloween. Yeah. That's,
19:53that's the reference. Right. I struggle with it, but he struggled. I took Adderall for the first
19:58time in four months. You must be feeling good. It's already disappeared. Oh no. Okay. Well,
20:04uh, Stuart, you stick with the under, um, yeah, it's meant to be. Let's go. Let's go. Yeah,
20:09you're right. That's the Howie under. It's meant to be. That's a Howie under for Howie. Shout out
20:13to everyone that's dead. Yes. No, you gotta, you know, got a lot of people dead. Way more people
20:20dead than alive. So obvious. That's a fact. Uh, okay. Next game. Titans at bears. Bears minus four
20:27over unders 44 and a half. Now, boys, I, I know I've done this before going to week one. Quicks,
20:34can we get a quick coffin? I'm going to throw this up, put it in the coffin. Yep. Thank you.
20:40Well done. Uh, I'm very excited for this bear season. I think they're going to be really good.
20:45I think the defense is really good. I think Caleb Williams is the guy. I know that you've been
20:48trolling Dave. I know you don't want him. You kind of want him to be just good enough to then break
20:52our hearts. I know. I know you can take this for whatever you want. And this is a real quote. I'm
20:59not going to say who said it, but somebody said Caleb Williams will be an absolute bust.
21:06And you know how I know he's going to be a bust because the second he got drafted,
21:10he went to Italy for a month and a half. Who said that quote? He went to Italy for a month
21:17and a half. That's what I was told. I don't think he went to Italy for a month. Did he go to Italy?
21:21That feels like you take a trip. It was like a fake month and a half that feels fake. Oh,
21:26that doesn't. And Bill said that. That's what I've heard. He told you that privately.
21:31Didn't tell me privately. Oh, interesting.
21:34He was on a European vacation. Okay. Well, you can't vacation.
21:37How's their outfit? I guess I guess the the coffee. Okay. I guess the comparison was,
21:43I don't know who the other, but somebody went right to work and somebody went on vacation.
21:47I don't know who he's comparing it to. Oh, this was August, 2023. He was on. Oh,
21:51interesting. Fake news. Fake news. Yeah. I think that's fake news. I think that's fake news. I
21:56hope I've said this. I've said this publicly. No, I have had my time. You know, I have had,
22:04I have had my time in the sun. I have drank the champagne from, you know, the top of the mountain.
22:12I want, there's a lot of bears fans here. There's you, uh, Eddie. There's a lot of people. I like,
22:17I am hoping that Caleb Williams is the real deal. I don't think he's going to be,
22:24but I hope I'm wrong. He's do you're doing this. Yeah. I know what you're doing. We're not,
22:28we're not competitive. I had one. I had, when you said that tweet, what was the tweet? You're like,
22:33I hope he's good, but I don't think he's going to be correct. Uh, I had, uh, Waddle and Sylvie,
22:37who I do a radio hit with them every week. He, he texted me. He's like, is Dave trolling us
22:43or what? And I was like, no, he's patting us on the head. Like we're little, little boys.
22:47We got to just fight through it, fight through it. And you guys have had a lot of controversy
22:53early. A lot of controversy. Simone Biles wearing the Packers. That was a Jonathan Owens
22:59tribute jacket who happened to play for the Packers. Angel Reese. That was stupid. That was
23:06stupid. That has nothing to do with the bears. It's a professional, but that has nothing to do
23:10with the bears. Simone Biles was wearing a Jonathan Owens jacket who happened to play for
23:15the Packers. That's tough. I hope, I hope he's the real deal. I don't think he's going to be,
23:21I'm taking the bears minus four. I have to week one. I'm a little nervous about this game,
23:25but I don't care. I have to jump right in. I have to dive right in. I do think their defenses
23:29is going to be a very, very good. Give Caleb time to get his feet wet. I'm taking the bears
23:35minus four Dave. I'm taking the Titans after you said all that nice. I, I, you, you can't bet with
23:43your heart. You got to bet the money and I'm going to give you a TD score though. That will make you
23:47feel good. He was on my fantasy team last year. Cole commit big target ends up 55, but I like the
23:51Titans big stool. He love him. Stu. Can I say, um, went to Wrigley field yesterday. And when I came
24:01out, I went into the draft Kings sports book. Yeah. It is breathtaking. I want a quick 40 grand
24:07on the pirates yesterday. You know why pirates gave me a Skeen's Jersey. And then I'm like,
24:13look, he was pitching. No brainer. Damn. He's about to be here. Did you bet the 40 where
24:18this office today? Yeah. Oh, no. Coming in in 20 minutes. Yeah. I bet the 40 grand on him.
24:23It was minus one 20. That was a great six men left on in the first two innings. Yeah.
24:29And they hit eight balls to the warning track. Yeah. Yeah. But that sports book is unbelievable
24:34state of the art and their TV set up there that I've never seen anything like that in my life.
24:39It's never been a sports book. I've never seen something that small with the TVs that elite,
24:47that is as good as anything I've ever seen in the world. And I haven't been there. I think
24:51they call it the eighth wonder of the world, but it's a beautiful, okay. I should put that on the
24:56welcome to the eighth wonder of the world. I mean, shout out so many phenomenal job. Whoever
25:01designed that. It is very impeccable. Very nice. I give you high marks. Uh, I'm going to lay the
25:06number with the bears because, uh, decide, uh, Titans quarterback. I love Will. He's a big fan
25:11of mine, a big fan of obviously barstool. And I love him and I would die for him. I think the
25:16Titans are trash. They were trash last year. They were trashed to end the season. There's nothing
25:20about them to like, I don't even know why this line is so low. That's what's scaring me. I mean,
25:24this line eight and a half, the bears are real because of their defense. Forget about Caleb
25:28Williams. Forget about their offense. Their defense is real. Their defense could be elite.
25:33Um, you're not, they're going to turn you over three and he's going to get the ball all the time.
25:37This could be a destruction. Uh, I'm going to say like, you know, like, um,
25:43two touchdowns last first round quarterback to win a start week one.
25:49Um, Sam Donald was a first term. He got good answer.
26:08The odds of me getting that right was zero and nothing. Uh, let's check the weather. The
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26:27or uncomfortable muck boots. Stay dry. Stay in the game right now. Get 20% off with the code
26:34muck. You barstool. That's code muck. You barstool. Look at that. Yeah. So rarely, if I'm
26:40like, I really love a product, I want to make a barstool version. So we've got these custom ones
26:45here. They come to different colors. We've got the little Dave Portnoy signature on the back. I
26:49wear them all the time. And then he got, as the kids call these, uh, flair, I call them flare.
26:55That's not what the kids call them. So it comes to the Barstool logo, pizza slice, miss peaches,
26:59nooners, pirate dog, love it. But, uh, I wear them all the time. I have like 10 pairs. So they're
27:04very good, very comfortable, highly recommended. And you get a custom version. Shout out muck,
27:09muck, muck, you barstool 20% off the box. They made the Astro van. Yeah. Sick. That's awesome.
27:15Absolutely. What's the price on something like this? These are going for, I want to say like
27:2040 or 50 bucks, 20% off. Really? How much are they going for? We're going to find out.
27:29That's a bargain. That's all I wear. Okay. What is the weather in Chicago? It's going to be 65
27:36and sunny. Beautiful. There's nothing like the September football games. You don't have to worry
27:41about whether Tommy stat, uh, quarterbacks who were the first overall pick or just seven and 20
27:47against the spread in their first NFL start. Hmm. Makes sense. That makes sense. That makes sense.
27:54Okay. Last game before we take a break and get the afternoon games and night game Jaguars at
27:58dolphins. Dolphins are three and a half point favorites over under is 49 big year for Trevor
28:05Lawrence has to have a bounce back year. Stu, I'll start with you on this game. Um, both teams are
28:12under the radar. Uh, both teams could win the Superbowl. Both teams are absolutely loaded on
28:17both sides of the ball. Um, they talk about all these other teams that can win the Superbowl.
28:22These two teams are going to be extremely, extremely dangerous. Uh, I'm going to lay the
28:26number with Miami. I think Miami has to win this game and has to show that, uh, therefore real.
28:31Um, I think they are real. I love the Jaguars. I love them offensively. I love Trevor Lawrence,
28:36uh, but I think dolphins win by 10. Ooh. Okay. So you have the Jaguars, the dolphins,
28:42dolphins, dolphins, dolphins. I was zoning out. I'm sorry. It's okay. That's all right. It's only
28:49weak one. I was thinking about, uh, we're going to interview Paul skeins in a minute. And remember
28:53when, uh, Libby Dunn wrote a whole article, I think might've been in the player's tribune
28:58where you said my little guy. And I'm wondering if I should ask that or not.
29:02Well, we were supposed to have Libby done for BFFs and we were told you can't even talk about
29:08their relationship, which is like crazy. So maybe don't ask them my little guy. I mean,
29:11they're pretty publicly talking about that. So I don't know. That was strange. I mean,
29:15listen, my little guy is just, you can be talking about me. Yeah, me too.
29:20I'm five, four, three quads. My little guy, little guy, David.
29:26Uh, I like the dolphins here. The dolphins to me are a pro. I'm not, I was kind of sold on them
29:31last year. I'm now have them in, um, uh, a horse that breaks quickly and, and you just are hoping
29:38the finish line comes. I don't see them built longterm, but I think they could be eight and
29:44two, nine and one. I think they'll roar out of the gate and then they get worn down, but I like
29:48them early. I like them early a lot. I think they get hurt as the season moves along. So I'll take
29:52the dolphins here. I think dolphins will be a very good play until it's a apple picking season's done.
29:59Okay. I'm going to disagree. I like the Jaguars. I like the Jaguars because everyone likes the
30:03dolphins. That's pretty much it. Week one. I try to fade a little bit of the public. Tommy.
30:07That's back up what Dave was saying. Dolphins six and one against the spread in September
30:12under McDaniel. Shit. Okay. Uh, Ashley, what's the weather? It's going to be bad, right?
30:16Yeah. Miami. It's going to be 88 and oh, chance of thunderstorms. Thunderstorms. You know what
30:22that means? Mold mold. How's that going? It's a fucking situation. Yeah. I got people in there
30:31right now. I, it mold everywhere. Miami mold. That should change the name of the team. The Miami
30:39speaking of mold. Um, how is your cancer situation?
30:43Is that a mole? Well, I think you're saying good cancer-free as is Warren Davis. Davis,
30:50Warren, the man with two names. Yes. May God be with you always, Dave. Yes. You live forever.
30:54Thank you. Live to a hundred. That's too much. All right. 90, 90. I'll take a 90. Okay. A hundred
30:59other 90 to a hundred. What are we going to, what am I going to do? I feel like 88,
31:0388. You know what I may start doing as I sign young kids here. If I have no kids,
31:09part of the requirement may be take care of me when I'm old. Yeah.
31:13Like, Hey, but be careful that yeah. He could take care of you, but like, you don't want Nikki
31:17smokes taking care of you. No. Well, he would never get that. Yeah. No. Like people like spider
31:22spider could take care of Tommy could take careful, careful selection. I actually think that's exactly
31:27how I see Tommy's life going. Just wiping your ass, feeding you apple juice. Nothing. I'd love
31:31more. Yeah. Apple sauce would be the worst. No. Okay. You were smiling a little too much. I mean,
31:39we'd hang out. Yeah. Yeah. I guess we're coming out. All right. We saw how that interview went.
31:44I mean, that was horrific. That was horrific. That was some of your worst material. I was
31:48embarrassed for you. And Dave was so embarrassed. It wasn't so uncomfortable. It wasn't as I agree.
31:54No, it was brutal. Horrendous. I mean, it was as if you were an intern, bring something to the
31:59table. It wasn't great. Kill yourself. Something. Take care of Dave. Oh yeah. You got to take care
32:05of Dave. Kill yourself after when Dave dies right away. Romeo and Juliet bang right on his body.
32:10You know, I'm in the office. There's a lot of Jake Malasek. Yeah. Ah, he doesn't shower.
32:16No, no, I, I, I not the shower thing. It is totally. My brain is, is just skipping all over
32:22the place, but he takes that soccer thing really serious. Oh my God. Like, holy shit. He, if someone
32:29asked him what his job at Barstool sports was, he would say, yeah, goalie. I was going to be like,
32:35he's got the gloves. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. He wants to embarrass any guests. Can I say
32:42something? When I did that and you made me do that gauntlet with my whole suit on and my shoes
32:47first shot, I blew it past him. Like he was a bitch. I, I, it was the best shot ever. And I
32:53crushed it. And I pulled my hand. That's how hard I hit on you. Do you remember that first shot?
32:58I abused you. Okay. Thank you. The guy who cheated on you guys. Uh, Jerry O'Connell. Yeah.
33:03Like he, Malasek was so upset that he couldn't put a shot on yet. It was like,
33:08what am I even doing a challenge? Yeah. Crazy. Shut him down. Shut him down. Uh, okay. We'll
33:14take a break. When we come back, we got two more games and we got our mortals
33:18Barstool sports advisors back right after this.
33:37Easy, easy. Stella, how are we doing? Captain exterior hall temperature is
33:43compromised. Let's load up the cold brew and cool this place off.
33:57Let me know when we can jump
34:01with the unpredictable asteroid wave. I'll need more time to compute captain.
34:06Oh my God.
34:14Oh no. What is that?
34:20It's still sleeping. Can we get around it? Hmm. The probability of us surviving is still
34:27Hmm. The probability of us surviving is still only 1%. Stella switch all power over to the
34:34electric Avenue cold brew photon cannons. It's time to kiss sleeping beauty.
34:40Fire.
35:02I think we pissed it off. Captain.
35:10It's getting closer!
35:11Well, let's reload and hit it again.
35:13Steep, refrigerate, and enjoy.
35:17Cold brew ready!
35:19Fire.
35:27A better, fresher cold brew in three easy steps.
35:31Steep, refrigerate, and enjoy.
35:34Stella, redirect all power to the engines.
35:37Let's get the hell out of here.
35:40Lightspeed ready!
35:52Hi, folks.
35:53We are back.
35:54Yes, we are back.
35:55Your source, Stu Finer.
35:57Not a talking head, not a person that
35:59goes with systems, trends, past performances,
36:03injury, or weather.
36:04I give you the sharpest games in the world.
36:08Sharp money, sharp money, sharp money.
36:10Late steam money.
36:12And that's what I'm going to give you.
36:13Three best bets, three best bets,
36:16three best bets in the NFL.
36:18Only $69.
36:21Favorite number, favorite position, extremely affordable.
36:25Bottom line is this.
36:26You want to win week one, I've got the winners.
36:29I've got the sharpest information in the world.
36:32I've done it for 44 years, 44 years.
36:36$69, three best bets.
36:38StuFiner.com.
36:41StuFiner.com.
36:44StuFiner.com.
36:45I love you!
36:47I love you!
36:48I love you!
36:50Barstool Sports Advisors, we are back.
36:52And we have two more games to get to.
36:57Let's go out to Dallas.
36:58No, sorry, let's go to Cleveland.
36:59Cleveland, the Browns.
37:01Who the fuck knows what's going to happen
37:03with Deshaun Watson this year.
37:04The Browns are hosting the Cowboys.
37:07The Browns are minus two and a half.
37:09The over-under is 41.
37:11Ashley, what's the weather going to be like
37:12in Cleveland on Sunday?
37:14The Cleveland game will be 67 and partly cloudy.
37:17Mm, love it.
37:18Nice weather, decent football weather.
37:20Tommy?
37:21Since the NFL shortened the preseason,
37:23unders are 32 and 16.
37:26In week one, also a fit in 10 of the Browns'
37:28last 13 home games.
37:30Mm.
37:31I feel like Dak just outdoors is just never good.
37:36Dave, I'll start with you.
37:38I'm almost going to repeat what I just said
37:40about the Dolphins.
37:42I think the Cowboys are another team
37:44that get out of the gate, get everybody going.
37:46I think they're going to be punching on all cylinders here.
37:49And then they'll slow down.
37:51Once the hype gets up to them,
37:52they'll be weak down the stretch.
37:53But I like them here.
37:54I think they'll be very good in the first couple months
37:56of the season this year.
37:57So I'm going to take Cowboys.
37:59Yeah, they do seem to always win September.
38:02Lately.
38:03And they're for real.
38:04They'll go in and maybe win a game that...
38:06And Cleveland's a tough, mean team, I'd say.
38:08So they'll go beat somebody like that
38:10and give the illusion that they're for real.
38:12Yeah.
38:13Stu?
38:15I mean, both teams have elite, amazing defenses.
38:18And like Dave said, I think there's so much pressure
38:20on Dallas to get out of the box.
38:22I mean, 12-5, 12-5, 12-5 the last three years.
38:26One of the best regular season teams.
38:28And they cover against the number.
38:29They just, you know, choke when it counts in the playoffs.
38:32I'm going to lay the number here.
38:33And I think that, excuse me,
38:35I'm going to take the number here.
38:37Even though this number's ridiculous,
38:38I had Dallas one and a half.
38:41Your power ratings?
38:42Yeah.
38:43And they made the Browns two and a half,
38:44which normally would lean toward the Browns.
38:47But I think that Deshaun Watson
38:49has jerked off this organization and will continue.
38:52I'm going to take the Cowboys.
38:53What does your power rating look like?
38:55Basically, what I do is randomly make it up as I go.
39:00And then I just spew it out.
39:01Total bullshit, like bullshit everything I say.
39:04And I make it, you know, the narrative work.
39:07I love that.
39:08I love that.
39:08It's got to be honest with sports advisors.
39:11Yes, yes.
39:12I'm going to follow Tommy.
39:13I'm going to take the under 41.
39:15I don't know.
39:16I feel like the Browns defense is still elite.
39:17The Cowboys defense,
39:19they got embarrassed in the playoffs last year.
39:22New defensive coordinator.
39:24Yeah, I'm going to take the under.
39:25Under 41.
39:26I don't like Dak outside.
39:27Okay.
39:28Last game of Sunday.
39:30Great game.
39:32Rams at Lions.
39:33Wow.
39:33Lions are minus three and a half.
39:35Wow.
39:37The Staffords are not going.
39:38Coach Stafford's interesting cap
39:40because she seems like she plays along and loves it,
39:42but then not going.
39:43I guess if you have kids, it's a different story.
39:46And the coach doing commercials now.
39:47I thought it was a pretty good commercial.
39:49I think the Lions are going to be for real.
39:50I'll take the Lions here at home.
39:52I think they're going to be very good this year.
39:55No letdown this year.
39:56And a legit Super Bowl contender.
39:58Yeah.
39:59I'm not saying anything that people don't know.
40:00No.
40:01Stu doesn't pick this game.
40:03Weather.
40:04You want to just tell us the weather?
40:05Yeah, let's know.
40:06I'm going to pitch though.
40:07Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
40:08No, I will.
40:08But let me do the weather and Tommy.
40:09Sure, of course.
40:10Of course, of course.
40:11Detroit will be 62 and partly cloudy.
40:15Partly cloudy.
40:16Okay, Tommy.
40:17Couple good spots for Jarrett Goff here.
40:18Perfect seven and O against the spread
40:20in week one in his career.
40:22He's also covered 25 of his last 34 games indoors.
40:26Okay, I actually love, love the Lions in this game.
40:29Minus three and a half.
40:30I feel like they're putting that three,
40:31that half point there for people to take the Rams.
40:34I'm not going to bite on that.
40:35What do you think about a Detroit double?
40:37Oh, Michigan Saturday.
40:40Lions Sunday.
40:42How good is the Michigan defense?
40:43Because they're going to have to stand on their heads.
40:44They are lights out.
40:46They're going to have to stand on their heads.
40:47They are lights out.
40:48Their offense is suspect.
40:50Well, it's game one.
40:52They probably didn't throw the kitchen stink at Fresno.
40:54The quarterback beat Cancer.
40:55Fresno is one of the most electric offenses.
40:58Ask me the last time Fresno has held the 10 points.
41:01Dave, when's the last time Fresno has held 10 points?
41:03Wow.
41:04Pre-COVID.
41:04Say last year, Fresno opened at West Lafayette.
41:08Big 10 team.
41:09Purdue beat them 40 to 39.
41:11Okay.
41:11So there you go.
41:12Okay.
41:13All right, so I have the Lions' stew.
41:14You don't have a pick.
41:15Can I just say something about commercials?
41:16The Kelly Stafford and Matt Stafford commercial
41:19where they're selling the Sealy Post-A-Pew-Dick bed.
41:22I love that commercial.
41:23And I love Kelly, by the way.
41:24Would you, I mean, off the record,
41:26would we rate Kelly a 10?
41:28Is she a 10?
41:29Off the record?
41:30She's very pretty.
41:30Off the record?
41:31Right.
41:32Yeah.
41:33Okay, fair enough.
41:34Off the record, though.
41:35This Sunday night game,
41:36so I totaled beyondstewfinder.com, as we know,
41:39including my three best bets.
41:41Three, ooh, can't say bets.
41:44Three best.
41:45Oh yeah, I can say bets.
41:46I can't say the other word.
41:48The key in the thing.
41:50Okay, okay.
41:50Ooh, not allowed to say that.
41:53Three best bets on stewfinder.com.
41:56Favorite number, favorite position, only $69.
41:59Go to stewfinder.com to purchase
42:01the latest up-to-date NFL information
42:0430 minutes before game time.
42:06I release it, and that is the best information
42:09money can buy, stewfinder.com.
42:11Three best bets, $69, stewfinder.com, stewfinder.com.
42:14Okay, so go to stewfinder.com.
42:19We'll be back right after this with our mortal.
42:20Can't say.
42:23We'll be back right after this with our mortals.
42:25Yes, mortals.
42:26Mortals.
42:27Mortals.
42:28Mortals.
42:29Mortals.
42:30Mortals.
42:30Our mortals.
42:31Mortals.
42:34Mortals.
42:38Here we go.
42:39Ready to roll, ready to roll, ready to roll.
42:42Be like stew.com.
42:45Be like stew.com.
42:47All my cameos, all my cameos,
42:50all my cameo shout outs are on belikesstew.com.
42:54Plus my merchandise, my book, Betcha I Can.
42:58Come towels, shirts, hoodies, flags,
43:03everything you want at belikesstew.com.
43:06It's the only place you can get my merch, belikesstew.com.
43:10Again, cameo, cameo, cameo shout outs,
43:14books, flags, merch, belikesstew.com.
43:18Belikesstew.com.
43:19Belikesstew.com.
43:24I don't know what to say really.
43:29Three minutes to the biggest bet of our lives.
43:34Doesn't matter what sport it is.
43:37The bets we need are everywhere around us.
43:41And that's why we use DraftKings, everybody.
43:46That's why.
43:50Because it's about the spread.
43:53It's about the points.
43:57It's about that last leg of a 14 parlay.
44:02It's about cashing a win.
44:05It's about hitting the over.
44:08Yes.
44:09Because that's what betting is, people.
44:11The six inches between you and your phone.
44:17So when we bet, we bet with DraftKings.
44:21The crowd is yours.
44:37Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
44:49Okay, we're back with our mortals
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45:23Mortal time.
45:25Dave, I think you should start
45:26because I think we know who you like.
45:29Yeah, so I, you know,
45:31is the coach Ron Bash still ticking?
45:34Oh, he's come back.
45:36Oh, he's dead.
45:37He's dead?
45:37Yeah.
45:38He died?
45:39When?
45:40He died swimming in a pool with dolphins.
45:41Okay, well he-
45:42He got eaten.
45:42By a dolphin?
45:43By a piranha.
45:44You didn't like him?
45:46No, he was a scumbag.
45:47Yeah.
45:48He was the worst of the worst.
45:49But he took two different teams
45:52in division three to the final four
45:53and he was the one to turn two.
45:56And he swam with the dolphins.
45:57He swam with the dolphins.
45:58He swam with the dolphins.
45:59He swam with the dolphins.
46:00Yes, yes.
46:00I said it earlier in the show,
46:01I really think dolphins are gonna come out flying.
46:03They're gonna be fast, ready to go.
46:05They're gonna put up a ton of points.
46:06I like them to win this game by double digits.
46:08So get in on the dolphins early.
46:10That's my mortal.
46:10Easy peasy.
46:11Don't overthink.
46:12Just throw new clues.
46:13Okay.
46:14Stu.
46:16My mortal,
46:18last year, nine and nine,
46:19nothing to brag about.
46:20Not great, not great.
46:21But two years ago, 15, four and two,
46:22epic, 78%,
46:23one of the greatest runs in the history
46:25of sports gambling.
46:26My mortal is gonna be Seattle,
46:29minus the number,
46:30to absolutely obliterate Denver.
46:33What's the number?
46:34Minus six.
46:35And the sharp money is coming in on Seattle,
46:39like the game's already been played,
46:41like you have tomorrow's paper today.
46:42It's unbelievable.
46:43Sharp money, I'm gonna follow the sharp money.
46:46The line is extremely large.
46:48I made this line one and a half Seattle over Denver.
46:51I think Denver's gonna be loaded this year.
46:53But I'm gonna lay the number.
46:54I follow the sharp money.
46:55The sharps know.
46:57Sharps are sharps.
46:58I'm a sharp.
46:59Lay the number Seattle is my mortal.
47:01Wait, what?
47:02You said you thought there should be a one point spread
47:04and it's six and you're taking Seattle?
47:05Yes, because-
47:06Because you trust the-
47:07Correct, exactly.
47:08The odds makers were ahead of me.
47:10The sharps were ahead of me.
47:12I didn't want to be the sucker taking the six.
47:14Correct, exactly.
47:15My mortal is the grossest bet on the entire board.
47:19You guys want to guess it?
47:21It's the grossest bet.
47:23That means it's an under somewhere.
47:24No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
47:26Grossest bet.
47:27No, no, grossest bet.
47:28Give me a second.
47:29It's disgusting.
47:30I don't want to bet it.
47:31Pittsburgh Steelers.
47:32No.
47:33Give me a second.
47:34No.
47:35Give me a second.
47:35No.
47:36Give me a second.
47:37Get it.
47:38Dave, tell us my mortal.
47:39Ooh, I have one thought,
47:40but I don't, I'm not going to go there yet.
47:44Panthers plus four against the Saints.
47:46Correct.
47:47Wow.
47:48Panthers plus four against the Saints.
47:50Let's see.
47:51Week one is all about just, listen,
47:53everyone thinks that whatever happened last year
47:55is going to happen this year.
47:56That's just never the case.
47:57I don't think the Panthers are good,
47:59but I think they can cover four.
48:01And I think that's one of those games
48:02where everyone's going to bet the Saints
48:04and be like, the Panthers are the worst team ever.
48:06And then it might win out right.
48:08The other one I would have said
48:10could have been the Commanders plus three against the Bucs.
48:12Yeah.
48:13There's a couple out there that you just look at you like,
48:14hey, because in week one, I feel like always,
48:16like there's just one or two games
48:18that everyone gets demolished on.
48:20Be on the other side of that.
48:21This DK pushing the touchdown scores,
48:24anytime touchdown,
48:25I have just been circling touchdown scores on every side.
48:28I love them.
48:29I have like 30 of them.
48:30Yes, I love them.
48:31I love them, love them, love them.
48:32All right.
48:33Barstool Sports Advisors.
48:34What are you going to say?
48:35Hank, what are you doing?
48:36He's telling us to wrap it.
48:36Round Robin.
48:38Never understood how to do the Round Robin.
48:40How many, what?
48:42We'll explain it after.
48:43I don't, I don't understand it.
48:44Quiggs does the, all I know is Quiggs,
48:47Quiggs just, Quiggs, Quiggs, Quiggs just,
48:51Quiggs tweets out a graphic.
48:53You can do unlimited?
48:58Quiggs tweets out a graphic
49:00and it's got a bunch of race car drivers.
49:02And then he, and then at the end of the night,
49:04he's like won another $10,000.
49:06And I don't know how to do it,
49:08but I want to do it.
49:09I want to do it.
49:10All right.
49:11Barstool Sports Advisors.
49:12We'll see you next week, David.
49:14Thank you to Howie.
49:15Welcome back.
49:16We love you.
49:17We love you.
49:17We appreciate you.
49:18We love you and we appreciate you.