Bxkid7
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00:00What's up Wolfpack fam, it's your boy Kid back at it again, happy weekend ladies and
00:15gentlemen we got some more Toast of London with my boy Matt Barry and the crew.
00:19What adventures is my mans gonna get into on this week's episode, I gotta stay tuned
00:23to find out.
00:24Ladies and gentlemen, sorry to be the bearer of bad news, you're probably gonna hear it
00:27again anyway, but snacks is not included dammit, you gotta bring your own.
00:31Don't forget to like, comment, subscribe, it is absolutely free to do.
00:34Shout out to the Patreons as well, thank you for your support, you know turn on that notification
00:38bell so you don't miss a beat and let's get this party started, let's get it.
00:44Snacks not included, let's freaking go.
00:46But you promised me Jane, you said I would definitely get the role, you said I was an
00:52absolute shoo-in.
00:53I know Toast, that's what they said to me too, and then Bruce Willis expresses an interest
00:58and it's a whole new ball game.
01:00Well this is very embarrassing for me, having to go around looking like a tit, can't you
01:06sue them or something?
01:07Unfortunately not, because there was nothing in writing, but I'm gonna make one very angry
01:11phone call.
01:12I mean I won't be able to go out for six months.
01:15No that is defeatism Toast, you can still do voiceovers, in fact I have you down for
01:20one this afternoon.
01:21Oh those fuckers are gonna love this.
01:28Nice outwear dude.
01:29You what?
01:30Cool jacket Stephen, haven't seen one like that in a long while.
01:33What is that vintage?
01:34No it isn't bloody vintage, I got it from Clifton's in St. James's.
01:38Fancy.
01:39It is fancy, you won't find one of these in Oxfam or whatever it is you pick up those
01:43clown outfits from.
01:44Cool, yeah, alright let's get on, what are we doing?
01:47Medical doc, operation blow by blow, it's pretty squeamish stuff.
01:50Squeamish poppycock.
01:51They've just sent through the footage.
01:54Oh Jesus, that's nice.
01:56It's nothing I won't have seen before, let's just get on.
01:59Hi Stephen, this is Clem Fandango, can you hear me?
02:02Come on then Plato, enlighten me.
02:04The footage is quite full on, if you'd rather record it wild, without picture, it's totally
02:08doable.
02:09Yeah.
02:10No I'll do it to picture, run the tape.
02:12Okay, coming at you big guy.
02:15Head injuries are possibly the most critical and serious injury a qualified surgeon will
02:21ever have to attend to.
02:27A specially designed tool, not unlike a workman's masonry drill, is lowered onto the mark, ready
02:34to cut through the skull.
02:44The brain is now visible.
02:50Is everything alright Stephen?
02:52Hope you haven't got sick all over your nice new coat.
02:58Maybe you shouldn't have did the pictures.
03:15The wind machine is going at full tilt, everyone else has been blown off the bloody deck, but
03:28I held my ground toast and I delivered my speech in one take.
03:33I have to hand it to you Axel, I don't think there's a finer actor in the country when
03:38it comes to performing in high winds.
03:40Well, when playing ship's captains and mad kings, performing in gales and storms comes
03:45very much with the territory.
03:47Wind machines, rain machines, thunder and lightning machines, sleep machines.
03:52Tell me something, when you're performing in high winds, are you tethered to a mast in
03:56some way?
03:57No, no, no, the public would notice that immediately.
04:00It's all to do with technique.
04:02I look full on, but I usually stand at a very, very slight angle.
04:07Well, even Olivier used a safety harness.
04:09Yes, nice fellow.
04:11Used to be in the same lodge.
04:13I must invite you to a meeting.
04:16I'm guessing you're on the square?
04:19What square?
04:20I wouldn't work with an actor who wasn't in The Masons.
04:23Oh, The Masons, oh yes.
04:27Yes, of course.
04:28So, what's this production that you're working on?
04:30TV adaptation of that Master and Commander film.
04:33Nice.
04:34They're promising me an absolute howling gale.
04:38You know, Toast, I've heard it said that you, after me, are the best high winds actor in
04:44Britain.
04:45I mean, I'm good, but I don't think I'm in your league.
04:49True, but if anything should happen to me, you might find yourself getting a few more
04:53job offers.
04:55No, I think your position will be quite secure for some years to come.
04:59Cheers.
05:05I was just talking to Axel Jacklin in the Colonial Club.
05:11Apparently, he's a Mason.
05:13I see.
05:14You're not on the square, are you?
05:17Well, yes, most actors are.
05:19I'm not.
05:20Always found it quite ridiculous with the silly handshakes and pulling up your trouser
05:25leg to the judge.
05:26Don't knock it, Toast.
05:27Many men have escaped from a perilous situation by performing just such a ritual.
05:32I remember once I played a Bond girl when I was in Octopussy.
05:35You played a Bond girl?
05:36Yes, at tennis during a break at Pinewood.
05:39Maud Adams.
05:40She wanted to play the full three sets.
05:43Cubby Broccoli came over and said, no, you only have to play one.
05:46He knew I was a Mason, you see.
05:48We performed the ritual and I had the rest of the afternoon off.
05:51What the hell are you talking about?
05:53Mind if I watch the midday news?
05:54Axel Jacklin was well known for his many roles in costume dramas.
05:58No way.
05:59The hell?
06:00It's a terrible tragedy.
06:01It's a terrible tragedy.
06:03But it's common knowledge that after Axel, you are the best high winds actor in Britain.
06:10So I've been on to the master and commander chaps and I've persuaded them that you are
06:15the best actor to take over the role.
06:18Well, you've certainly moved fast, Jane.
06:20Axel's only been dead 46 minutes.
06:22There's no room for sentiment in this game, Toast.
06:25And another thing, I presume you're in the Masons.
06:27Well, you better join up if you're not, because the producer, Parker Pipe,
06:31is very keen on using only Masonic actors.
06:35What's up, Toast?
06:36Sad about Axel?
06:38Yeah.
06:39Oh, yes.
06:41People die all the time, though, don't they?
06:44Actors, prime ministers, kings, queens, everybody's just passing through.
06:50The list of people who've died is as long as my arms.
06:54And I have our naturally long arms.
06:59Imagine if all the actors who were dead were alive.
07:03There'd be no jobs for the younger actors at all.
07:06Are you all right?
07:17No.
07:18We have to strike while the iron is hot.
07:22Stay where you are, Toast.
07:26Are you all right, Jane? You're behaving very, very queerly.
07:29Just stay where you are.
07:31The bats are back.
07:34Let me get my special swat.
07:37What special swat?
07:39Ah!
07:41LAUGHTER
07:43Play that!
07:45Play that!
07:48LAUGHTER
07:52Oh, there she is, tripping.
07:57Hello, this is Esther Ranson. May I order a takeaway?
08:04I'm Crazy Lady.
08:05Toast. Davidson.
08:07Have you been to see Jane?
08:08What the hell is going on up there?
08:10Should I get a doctor?
08:11Was it the bats?
08:13She did mention bats.
08:15I thought so. I'd better go up.
08:16Whoa, whoa, whoa. It is a bit alarming.
08:19The truth is, Toast, she's back on the acid.
08:23Ah. Well, that would explain it.
08:25She was definitely having some kind of bad, bad trip.
08:28How long's she been back on the acid?
08:30A week.
08:31That timing is appalling.
08:32You know there's a surprise party for her at the Colonial tomorrow,
08:35celebrating 40 years as an agent.
08:37Jane really needs her friends now. We all have to rally round.
08:40Sorry, Davidson. I need to ask you something.
08:43What?
08:46Are you a Maxim?
08:50Of course, yes.
08:51Yes.
08:54Jane?
08:56Jane!
08:57What the hell?
08:58Jane!
09:01Steven.
09:03I'm Parker Pyatt, the producer.
09:05Nice to meet you.
09:06This is Clary Hammersnag, my assistant.
09:08Hello.
09:09You knew Axel?
09:12Very well, indeed. Old friends.
09:14It's such a tragedy. His name's...
09:16His very first day on set.
09:18He was just blown away, I believe.
09:20Yes, yes. His luck finally ran out.
09:23He'd lost his footing and just blown away.
09:25Hit the back wall of the set 70 miles an hour.
09:28He told me he never wore a harness.
09:30He never did.
09:32But authenticity above everything.
09:35But the show must go on, as they say,
09:38and Jane thoroughly recommended you.
09:40How is Jane?
09:41She's back on the acid.
09:43Oh, dear.
09:44Anyway, I've got a script here.
09:46By the way, Toast, I presume you are...
09:50Oh, yes.
09:52Fully paid up and committed member.
09:56Thanks, Camilla.
09:57I don't.
09:59Parker.
10:01Toast.
10:02Ray bloody Purchase, what are you doing here?
10:05Do you two know each other?
10:07Yes.
10:08We thought you could play the scene together, if that's OK.
10:12I didn't know you were up for this.
10:14I didn't know you were up for this either, Toast.
10:16You're not a mason.
10:17Yes, I am.
10:18Oh, yes, he is.
10:19What?
10:20There's one thing we'd just like to try out.
10:23Chloe, could you...
10:26Stephen, Ray, would you mind standing in front of the machine?
10:30Of course.
10:31All right, if I must.
10:33That would be great.
10:35I don't need a script, Parker. I've learnt it.
10:39We're going to start on a three setting
10:41and then gradually bring it up to...
10:45..ten.
10:47In your own time.
10:51Three days out of port, Captain.
10:53When do you think the Frenchists will show themselves?
10:57Soon enough, Chief Sergeant.
10:59But fear not.
11:00The wind may blow and storms may rage.
11:04England will never fail.
11:06Aye, aye, Captain.
11:08Though it is a stiff south-westerly,
11:11our destiny...
11:13..is to see us through the battle.
11:15Sweet victory shall be...
11:19..ours.
11:20Stephen!
11:22And a turn of the wind, Chloe.
11:25Stephen, you stood on your feet.
11:28That's fantastic.
11:30I'm so impressed, I think I'm going to promote you
11:33to the lead role of the Captain now
11:35and demote Ray to Chief Sergeant.
11:37That'd be great.
11:38Ray Purchase is a top-class, high-winds actor,
11:41but you are even better.
11:43The wind machine was up to nine.
11:45I mean, to manage nine at your first read,
11:48well, it's just super.
11:50Well, I was stood at a slight angle.
11:52It's a tip from Axel Jacklin.
11:54Yes.
11:55Poor, poor Axel.
12:08Ed?
12:09I need to become a mason immediately.
12:11Can you pull some strings?
12:12Who are you trying to impress?
12:13Parker Pipe.
12:14The producer?
12:15The very same.
12:16Oh, he's very high up.
12:17Partakes in some of the more exotic masonic rituals.
12:19I couldn't give rat shit. Could you get me in?
12:21I think I know someone who may be able to help you.
12:23Really? Who?
12:24The thing is, he's an East Ender.
12:26You'll have to travel into the East End to meet him.
12:28Who is this cockney cheapjack?
12:31A fellow by the name of Basil Jet.
12:33I've got his number and address.
12:35He may be able to fast-track you.
12:36Fabulous.
12:37It'll cost you.
12:38How much?
12:39£27.50.
12:40Well, that's not too bad.
12:41For goodness' sake, Toast, keep my name out of it.
12:43All right, Ed.
12:44The East End, you say?
12:47I wonder what it's like these days.
12:52Many thanks, Gabby. Keep the change.
12:54Thank you, goodbye.
13:02Bugger off.
13:04Follow me, lad. I can suck a Thames dry.
13:08Is that you, Mrs Patches?
13:10Toast, what are you doing here?
13:12Are you an East End?
13:14I'm looking for a chap called Basil Jet.
13:16That's his shop, two doors down.
13:18I must say, you're full of surprises, Mrs Patches.
13:22Shh. Say my name.
13:24Oh, yes, of course.
13:26Another time.
13:29Who are you? Who do you want?
13:32My name's Toast. I want to be a mason today.
13:37You can't become a mason just like that.
13:39Ed Howser-Black said I could join.
13:41Oh, right.
13:42Have you got the money?
13:43Yes, £27.50.
13:46Yeah, well, I'm a little bit busy today to do the paperwork,
13:48so you'll have to use the app.
13:50An app?
13:51Well, there's an app you can use to join the masons.
13:53Wow.
13:54What's an app?
13:56You ask Ed, he'll tell you.
13:57You download the app and I'll text you the password.
13:59Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
14:00When do I get initiated?
14:02I'll let you know all about that.
14:03We'll have a ceremony.
14:04We'll have a booze-up, finger food,
14:06and you, sir, you get a goodie bag.
14:08Ooh, great.
14:12I say, what's a goodie bag?
14:17Where is she?
14:20Ray.
14:22Ray.
14:26Oh, God, not you again.
14:28Yes, it's me, Toast.
14:29Ray fucking Purchase.
14:31Again.
14:32What the hell were you talking about at that audition?
14:34You're not a mason.
14:36Yes, I am.
14:37Yeah.
14:38Jane should be here by now.
14:39I'll try and track her down.
14:41Yeah.
14:42Who else is here?
14:43Father Ingham's here.
14:44Last time I saw him, he was being carried off to the BBC jail.
14:46Yeah, they let him out today.
14:48A lot of his types have been released from the BBC jail
14:50Production in the licence fee.
14:52Whoa.
14:54Father Ingham?
14:58Didn't realise it was fancy dress.
15:00It isn't.
15:04Toast?
15:05Don't tell anyone,
15:06but we're having a surprise party for Jane
15:09at the Colonial Club.
15:11No, you are Jane.
15:13What?
15:14We're here at the Colonial Club waiting.
15:16Ray?
15:17Yeah, well, get here as fast as you can.
15:20Everything all right, Toast?
15:22Oh, fuck off.
15:25Lay off the acid, folks.
15:33And I said to her, what the hell is wrong?
15:35Have I forgotten our wedding anniversary?
15:37And she said, no, we're not actually married.
15:41What are you doing here, Blair?
15:43How do you know each other?
15:44Oh, we know each other.
15:45My son.
15:48Shh.
15:50What?
15:52Surprise!
15:55What?
16:08Just go and help her.
16:10Get everyone's attention, Toast.
16:12She'll say a few words.
16:13Yeah.
16:18What's going on here?
16:20Just say a few words to welcome everybody.
16:23BELL RINGS
16:36BELL RINGS
16:4540 years in the business
16:49and it doesn't seem a day too long.
16:53When Ray Purchase told me
16:55there was going to be a surprise party for me,
16:58I was, of course, very, very thrilled.
17:02So everybody just have a wonderful, wonderful time.
17:07Cheers.
17:16What the hell?
17:18Oh, how lovely.
17:20From Torval and Dean.
17:23Sorry if I've been a bit out of it recently, Toast.
17:27Thank you for visiting me.
17:29I do hope you can stay for a while.
17:31I'm a bit lonely here.
17:32PHONE RINGS
17:34Toast?
17:36Ah, very well.
17:39It's Parker Pipe. I've got to go.
17:41Oh, don't leave me. You've just arrived.
17:45HE LAUGHS
17:46I get so lonely here at the Mayfair House of Addiction.
17:50BABY CRIES
17:52Parker?
17:54Toast!
17:56So, you've officially got a job.
17:58HE LAUGHS
18:00Welcome on board, Captain.
18:02This Freemason's luck is the bee's knees.
18:04I have not been so good with an impromptu orgy.
18:08I'll have a slice of this.
18:10PHONE RINGS
18:12Holy masons!
18:14Basil Chet?
18:16Is it now?
18:18Oh!
18:20All right.
18:22I've got to go, Pipe.
18:24Oh, well, what a shame, isn't it?
18:26I'll see you on set.
18:28You betcha.
18:32Getting it in.
18:34HE LAUGHS
18:36HE COUGHS
18:40Masons.
18:47It is my duty to now begin tonight's initiation ceremony.
18:54Is everything prepared for Junior Deacon?
18:57Aye, Grand Master.
18:59Will the head of ceremony please place the underbrother onto the line?
19:05Mason.
19:07Remove his hood and step aside, Sorbet.
19:13Got to be fucking kidding.
19:15Toast! What the hell are you doing here?
19:18Are you underbrother Stephen Toast?
19:21I am. Is this your doing, Ed?
19:24Well, he seemed very keen.
19:26And he did pay his 27 pounds 50.
19:28Oh, I'm sure he did. But come on, old chap.
19:30Silence!
19:35What the...?
19:40Right.
19:42You have one minute starting from...
19:45now.
19:47There's a magnet.
19:49Um, an onion.
19:53A framed photograph of Dan and Peter Snow.
19:56Very well.
19:58The secret initiation ceremony shall now commence.
20:03Due to broadcasting constraints,
20:05Channel 4 is not permitted to show certain parts of the Masonic initiation ceremony.
20:11I would slit my own throat,
20:14for in the eyes of God I am nothing but a fool and a beggar.
20:22I would slit my own throat,
20:24for in the eyes of God I am nothing but a fool and a beggar.
20:33The time has now come.
20:36Remove the brother's blindfold, that he may see the light.
20:42I am in! Yes!
20:44I am in.
20:50This is great, man. I love this bit.
20:55We keep it marvelous well
20:57It's a clandestine affair
21:00Be silent or beware
21:02Beware!
21:05We keep it marvelous well
21:07It's a clandestine affair
21:10Be silent or beware
21:12Beware!
21:27Beware!
21:29Thunder and lightning!
21:32Cannon fire!
21:35Wind machine!
21:38Slow machine!
21:41And action!
21:44What a battle it was!
21:47What a storm we endured!
21:50And victory came at a great price!
21:53Hold everything!
21:55What the fuck do you want, great price?
21:57What are you doing here?
21:58Cut!
21:59Kill the wind, Clary!
22:01You may be interested to know, brother,
22:03that your big star up there only became a mason to get this gig.
22:06He joined up last night.
22:08What? Is this true, Toast?
22:10What does it matter?
22:11Of course it matters!
22:13You have written roughshod over ancient Masonic cults of practice.
22:19Roughshod.
22:20We'll recast immediately with Reyes the Captain.
22:23Terrific.
22:24Calm down, Toast.
22:25I've just got up here.
22:26Are you coming down or not?
22:29No!
22:30I still have my chief surgeon's amputation saw, Parker, if you want.
22:36Get to work, brother.
22:42Whoa, whoa, whoa!
22:44That's a long way up!
22:46Don't be stupid, Fetchits!
22:50Fetchits!
22:52Fetchits!
22:57Many thanks, Cabby. Keep the change.
22:59Thank you, sir.
23:11Mrs. Fetchits.
23:13Oh, Toast. Here again.
23:16Yes, indeed. I was just in the area,
23:19getting a refund for the $27.50 I paid to the Freemasons.
23:22I'm a little early. You're not, too.
23:25Come.
23:31Shit, she for it now, Toast.
23:33Don't you worry, Mrs. Peake.
23:35Nothing to see here, officer.
23:37Sorry, brother. My mistake.
23:41Let's go!
23:56What?
24:06Oh, man. I enjoyed this one, ladies and gentlemen.
24:09Hopefully, you guys enjoyed it.
24:11Nothing to see here. We got to talk about it.
24:13Thank you guys for hanging out. Appreciate you all.
24:16Nothing to see here, officer.
24:19Oh, man. I don't know, man.
24:22I had a feeling he was going to go for a round out there.
24:25Man, she continues to amaze me.
24:28You know, Mrs. Fetchits.
24:30She's in some crazy-ass area of the East End.
24:34We had a feeling.
24:36We always knew or at least felt that
24:40Jane was crazy as fuck.
24:42Obviously, she sucks at her job and shit.
24:45And I had a feeling she was kind of like bat shit crazy, man.
24:48Lay off the acid, folks, man.
24:50That whole trippy vibe.
24:52Her under the table having a phone call with my boy Toast.
24:56Her seeing things.
24:58All these visuals.
25:00Ray laughing.
25:02All these crazy shits going on, man.
25:04Oh, my God, man.
25:06You hear stories of back in the day.
25:08People having trips.
25:10I guess like in the disco era.
25:14What is that thing? Woodstock kind of era.
25:16I've always heard kind of crazy stories.
25:20Maybe this is like a slice of the pie on what goes on there.
25:24I got to say, Jane's performance on this one.
25:28I think this episode particularly.
25:31Obviously, we got way more to go through.
25:33I think this was her strongest performance there.
25:36Usually, it's just very short conversations with him.
25:41I liked with Toast.
25:43I really enjoyed her performance on this one.
25:46I guess you could say her range or her skills.
25:50More so her skills.
25:52Props to Jane on this episode.
25:55When Toast was talking to his friend.
25:59He was like, something will happen to me.
26:02You're next in line.
26:04You felt like something was going to happen.
26:06You got this high wind shit going on there.
26:09Toast has learned quite so much.
26:12The whole Freemason bit thing was cool to see.
26:15We have a couple of my friends that are in those Freemasons.
26:21Interesting to see.
26:23I'm not part of that cool kids club or whatever.
26:26That scene threw me for a loop.
26:30They were basically having that orgy and shit.
26:32We've seen shit before.
26:34We've seen stuff in movies and shows.
26:37It was a jaw-dropping moment there.
26:42This show is wacky fun.
26:45It's crazy.
26:47The names on this thing.
26:49I think when the director said that lady's name.
26:52I thought I heard it wrong.
26:54I probably heard it wrong.
26:56I thought he said for her name, I'm a slag.
26:59In that moment, I was laughing and shit.
27:03There are some crazy names in here.
27:06Let me know if I'm the one that's tripping on this episode.
27:09Toast is brilliant.
27:12His rivalry with my boy Ray.
27:15These guys looking like.
27:18At least for Toast, he was looking like the bride of Frankenstein.
27:22Or a treasure troll.
27:24With the high winds bit.
27:26Love that purchase got his ass handed to him.
27:30He was flying with that win on level 9.
27:33That was cool to see.
27:35You can't really hear what they're saying in that moment.
27:38This was such a good episode.
27:40Steven continues to impress me.
27:42Matt Berry, phenomenal guy.
27:44The musical bit.
27:46The dancing bit.
27:48That shit was crazy cool.
27:50He paid that money.
27:52You best get that refund.
27:54Goddamn freaking purchase.
27:56God pisses me off.
27:58He got my boy.
28:00Screwed him out of the opportunity.
28:02Right as so.
28:04They're both rivals.
28:06That's what you're going to do.
28:08I felt like there was plenty of laughs.
28:10A lot of crazy shit going on.
28:12I love the acid trip bit.
28:14Jane flying out of the window.
28:16She's lonely.
28:18Him getting the call.
28:20Getting the hell out of there.
28:22The whole party bit was cool.
28:24Everything was great.
28:26If you're enjoying the show.
28:28Let me know in the comments down below.
28:30I feel like we're in some crazy moments there.
28:32Also even when he was.
28:34When Jane and him had that Bruce Willis moment.
28:36She's talking about Bruce Willis.
28:38I got to say.
28:40Oh man.
28:42That was dope.
28:44With him being bald and shit.
28:46Obviously it puts him over to make it seem like that.
28:48I doubt he shaved his shit bald like that.
28:50Either way.
28:52That was dope.
28:54I doubt he shaved his shit bald like that.
28:56Either way.
28:58I think we preferred to see Toast with his hair.
29:00He's so crazy.
29:02Is he brighter Frankenstein on this episode?
29:04Let me know in the comments down below.
29:06Hopefully you guys enjoyed it.
29:08Don't forget to like, comment, subscribe.
29:10Have a wonderful weekend.
29:12Shout out to the patrons as well.
29:14Appreciate you all to the fullest.
29:16I feel like this show is quite the adventure.
29:18I never know what I'm going to see next.
29:20That amazing shit was great.
29:22Outro music.