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00:00What's up Wolfpack fam it's your boy Kid back at it again hope you're doing well
00:14continuing my journey of toast of London with my boy Matt Berry go grab your
00:18snacks ladies and gentlemen this is your moment in time excuse me there is your
00:22moment in time cuz ladies and gentlemen snacks is not included damn it you got
00:26to bring your own don't forget to Like comment subscribe it is absolutely free
00:29to do shout out to the patrons well thank you for your support let's get this one
00:32started snacks not included let's freaking go
00:40Oh have I introduced you to our client Nick Swithney yeah whatever can we just
00:45get on with this please Steven this is Clem Fandango yeah I know
00:50know who you are can you hear me yeah I can hear you Clem Fandango what do you
00:59want just let you know we're ready to go he just said that you two are
01:04unbelievable the smooth taste of red carpet cigarettes is coming to the
01:13Democratic Republic of Congo everybody knows that cigarettes are good for you
01:19red carpet cigarettes once you smoke one you'll want more and more and more
01:25and more and more and more and more and more yes no that went well the lady Jane
01:40she's a fine fine woman she's your agent yes yeah she's my agent you are fucking
01:47her yes no I'm not am I done here hello from me
02:17India which bloody button do I press killer whales well I'm sure they train
02:40you a couple of hours in the morning you'd be performing them in the pool by
02:43lunchtime why would you even suggest this Jane I'm an actor not a bloody whale
02:47charmer for Christ's sake you might want to watch your language and remember who
02:51you're talking to toast ah murder mystery vengeful husband ruler Lenskers
02:59already said yes to the wife cats
03:04children's television good God never again so who's going on their holidays
03:13this week that's right it's Jennifer off you go Steven I wonder where Jennifer's
03:22going how do you get on with Nick Swifny you know he's trying to flog
03:34cigarettes to the Congo the poorest people in the world yeah they're rather
03:39tasty actually why would you put me up for something like that you're concerned
03:43for ethical reasons or because someone might find out about it because someone
03:47might find out about it why can't you find me something decent I suggest a
03:51little rethink on the Norris flipjack advert you'll be shooting it at his
03:55extensive woodland estate no I won't it's mega money toast and any advert
04:00directed by flipjack has quality written all over it no this is going to
04:11be great now where's my star there he is fashionably late
04:21Barrett Chris hey Maxine you're looking good Ray bloody purchase how you feeling
04:32this morning right wow what a night I tell you what this cat really knows how
04:36to throw a party but you wouldn't know about that would you toast because you
04:39weren't invited how embarrassing right let's make an advert I'm ready let's go
04:46you heard him let's go okay first positions turn over cue travelator
04:56action
05:19whatever petty crap exists between you and Ray purchases of no interest to me
05:24but if it starts to jeopardize the making of my advert I've got to be
05:29honest with you flipjack I hate everything about your advert what kind
05:34of asshole doesn't like this kind of arsehole clearly a prop gun flipjack
05:42really well let's see shall we if you don't say I'm sorry Norris I love your
05:49put down that Fox barbecuing defenseless animals you're insane go on
05:56fella run for your life he's dead you idiot
06:02didn't expect that did you flipjack you see toast what you don't know you flip
06:08jack what you don't know how's the barbecue going guys he was barbecuing a
06:14Fox I wasn't barbecuing it I was roasting it on a spit it's the kind of
06:17thing that goes on all the time in the countryside toast get used to it no I
06:21fancy a Fox burger tuck in right there you go toast what's this for bus fare
06:28don't bother coming back after lunch
06:34you're the man who has got everything without a sense of it all how dare you
06:50speak to me you're nothing but an amateur who sits and waits by the phone
06:57I wish I was dead or on TV well that's the kind of success that you will never
07:04see you really are a joke I fail to see the humor cuz you've no sense of it all
07:16he was barbecuing foxes you say he was he had one on a spit I believe he's in
07:29the countryside Alliance he can do what he likes but as I told you best not to
07:34cross Norris flipjack he will crush you like I'm done with all these shit jobs
07:45Jane I got a few quid in the bank it's not like I'm facing a massive tax bill
07:49anytime soon
07:53good afternoon I'd like to report Steven Gonville toast for tax evasion what a
07:59prick unfortunately Ray Purchase has reported you to the tax people why is he
08:06such a grass now I could kill him with a spoon well that may be so but brace
08:10yourself toast you now owe the tax people a quarter of a million pounds I
08:16thought you took care of all the tax stuff Jane Jane look you may have to
08:25take a few jobs that don't particularly appeal for a while but this Harry Potter
08:29show will be great when I got into this profession I had no intention of
08:33entertaining anybody least of all children just can't always pick and
08:38choose toast even very successful ones I know when things are a little lax for
08:44John Nettles last year he turned to a spot of poaching poaching just to put
08:48food on the table before his next job at the Nash really shall we
08:53fucking sucks everything going well Eric still on the EastEnders leave it
08:59art the hell was that 30 quid the lot how many rabbits three that's not a
09:18rabbit looks more like a squirrel it's a rabbit I don't think so John we'd have
09:24to skin them and all that Juliet Stevenson could do all that for you for
09:27extra tenner not really that keen all right well I'll try Tim Piggott Smith
09:35you can't help yourself can you what do you mean name drop you can't get a
09:41sentence out without John Mills this or Tim Piggott Smith that go easy toast
09:46poor man's on his uppers now you're right I'm sorry Nettles good luck with
09:52your rabbits and give my love to the family I hope I never have to do
10:04anything like that it looks like we're on for another train strike toast
10:09tell you that you would have sorted that out with a single friend called a Cobra
10:12indeed hope you're not thinking of going anywhere that's at least in my
10:15troubles Ed Jane's got me doing these shitty jobs to pay off that tax bill how
10:19was that Harry Potter show and the director was a wanker they're all
10:23useless I don't respect any of them in fact I don't respect anybody really yeah
10:29I can't think of a single person on this earth that I have any respect for have
10:35you ever thought of directing toast well that's not a bad idea I think I'd
10:43be an excellent director now you mention it Ed might not be as easy as it looks
10:47toast some actors can be a little difficult toast calendar girls what's
10:57that oh you must know about it toast a load of
10:59prim middle-aged women pose nude for a calendar to raise money for charity they
11:03pose nude for a calendar that's correct the Women's Institute indeed there's one
11:09thing I don't get who the fuck would want to buy something like that how dare
11:14you be rude about the WI toast anyway the producer and a director for some
11:18reason are very keen to meet you I suggested the colonial club tomorrow
11:21afternoon who are they Duncan clench and Bob Fennison never heard of them oh one
11:27tiny thing Bob Fennison has a very minor facial
11:31blemish what's the matter with it do you know it's so minor I don't even
11:34remember anyway we are well on the way to paying off your quarter of a million
11:38pound tax bill toodaloo yeah what was that toast I was Jane she's got me a
11:43part in something called calendar girls hmm the Women's Institute yes I have one
11:49of those calendars hmm sounds weird like niche porn the ladies mostly of the
11:54mature variety and somewhat out of shape are totally nude yeah so I gather
11:58however homemade cupcakes and jars of chutney discreetly obscure the more
12:03intimate parts of their bodies leaving the viewers imagination to picture the
12:07erotic delights concealed beneath
12:12I just go and see if I can find my calendar
12:16check some dates bank bank totally jerking off probably Steven I'm Duncan
12:26clench producer and this is Bob Fennison our director hi Steven
12:33holy shit there's a menu club sandwich for me I think Bob what has Jane told
12:43you about calendar girls I presume you're familiar with the production it's
12:47been touring constantly since 2008 so everything's running very smoothly at
12:52this stage you'll be playing part of the photographer which is an absolutely
12:59keen role I can't operate a camera does that matter no you won't be actually
13:04taking any photographs so it's no what what yeah sorry about this
13:10Steven's the guy don't look too happy
13:15frowning sorry anyone is just a bit upset he thought he should be included
13:25more in the in the conversation maybe we should include him or so where will we
13:31be rehearsing the play Bob Eastbourne tomorrow we've got a bunch of actors
13:38sorry about this this is insane man even we're gonna have to go I didn't let
13:45him answer your question about meeting the cast and now he's furious you
13:50probably noticed he's a his own what he's quite shy Oh doesn't really like
13:58being out in company anyway it's been very nice meeting you and we'll speak
14:05soon you guys serious
14:14anything can happen now dead yes well both of them yes the police
14:22located their empty car and two pairs of pajamas at Beachy Head good God they're
14:27working on a theory that they went for a dip and whilst in the water Bob drowned
14:32Duncan and then drowned himself there was a really sad suicide note what the
14:38police went for a dip with Bob and Duncan no but wouldn't the police have
14:41tried to stop Bob from drowning before Bob drowned himself I wish you'd listen
14:45just Bob and Duncan went for a dip so the police were watching from the shore
14:48the police weren't involved at this point ah maybe it was an accident there
14:52was a suicide note maybe it wasn't an accident Bob was fiercely jealous of
14:57Duncan and according to the suicide note believe that Duncan was in love with
15:02you did it fuck no we just went for a drink in fact only I had a drink they
15:11to rush off for a train now the show's missing a producer and a director I mean
15:15producer doesn't matter but they really need a strong director to break in the
15:18new cast yes sorry I'll do it opportunity knocks you want to be a
15:26director yes I would like to be a director and I think I'd be pretty good
15:29at it don't you well it's not just the technical skills you need people skills
15:33as well toast I've got people skills and a very good sense of humor you're
15:39directing will you be able to take on the role of the photographer it's a
15:43shit role anyway any half-wit could do it
15:47black and he'll be playing the part of the photographer now the first thing we're
15:55going to have a look at sorry to immediately interrupt toast did you
16:00plan to have the ladies undressed for this scene this is just a rehearsal
16:04wouldn't it help at all there might be something more natural about it you're
16:08not even in this scene why don't you go to your dressing room and I'll see you
16:12at lunch I think I'll stay around if you don't mind I'd like to see your
16:16directing style well I can tell you my directing style will be very forceful
16:20indeed yes I tend to treat these people as cattle quite so quite so yes all
16:29right ladies we need the actresses called Jennifer and Alexandra okay this
16:39is the scene where you're both worried about telling your husbands that you're
16:43going to do a nude calendar shoot here we go and action oh I am slightly
16:50worried about telling my Bert what are his mates down the pub going to think I
16:58sorry I forgot my line you forgot your line it's assumed you'd be a bit better
17:08prepared than that okay let's go again action oh I am
17:14slightly worried about telling my Bert what are his mates down the pub going to
17:20think I sorry I forgot my line you did what I forgot my line what the fuck is
17:30wrong with you I'm concentrating don't fuck it up action oh I am slightly
17:42worried about telling my Bert what are his mates down the pub going to think I
17:51sorry I forgot my line you fucking retarded what the shit is between your ears
17:59can I fucking savage love it really responding to your direction may I
18:04suggest a small piece of advice what I think you could possibly be a little
18:09more forceful with her more forceful yes a tad more aggressive I give that a go
18:15okay Jennifer I'll be to the point if you knacker this scene again I'll
18:28fucking fire you from this production and I'll replace you with an actress who
18:33can actually act she gonna cry man poor lady I am slightly worried about telling
18:43my Bert what are his mates down the pub going to think
18:53poor lady man scared even me okay so Sally's just given you the news what's
19:03needed here is a small reaction because you don't want Sally to know that you're
19:08upset right action what the hell are you doing I said a small reaction you
19:17fucking doughnut let's give it one more try before I replace you with a
19:22chimpanzee pull yourself together action no no no no I say you can't speak to our
19:35actors like that he's that clench hang on I thought you were dead there was an
19:41incident fuck you with Bob he tried to drown me I drifted out to see you but
19:48luckily I was washed up just outside the theater why are you directing this
19:53production I think you should leave this show well screw you sailor it's a shit
19:59show anyway bunch of middle-aged tarts hiding their tits behind flower pots I can do much
20:05better than this come on Abe we're going where is he what are you doing Abe he's rehearsing a
20:10photography scene with Allison here never mind that we got to get back to London unlikely
20:15toast why that rail straight has gone ahead anyway Allison has just offered to put me up
20:21really I could give you a lift back if you like great where's your car oh I don't have a car what
20:31do you have nice of her Oh what's the problem it's I found the day's rehearsals very distressing
20:48you're an extremely aggressive director
20:51because I was a bit upset I may have forgotten to put fuel into the tank
21:00Oh for fuck's sake
21:03no way
21:08no freaking way
21:15sorry about earlier I may have been a tad over the top
21:30no hard feelings okay stop there don't move whoever you are you know this is private land
21:37show your face you bastard toast what the hell are you doing here I was in a plane that just
21:46crashed in this wood a likely story is that really the best you can come up with toast
21:50oh you'll be pleased to hear that my advert that you hate so much will be playing in over
21:58100,000 cinemas across the world so your decision to walk means zero royalties for you fuck nut yeah
22:08I see you're reduced to poaching the last resort of the out-of-work actor what are you talking
22:19about what's the quickest way back to London from here I'd say it's
22:24unfortunately has just been in a plane crash
22:46no it wasn't serious only one person was killed I'm sure we can come to a satisfactory resolution
22:54mr. cockatip tax man something's come in something big big enough to pay off your tax bill in one
23:03swoop what's the product never mind what the fucking product is toast you have no choice in
23:08this here are your plane tickets airplane tickets where am I going okay boys let's take a break red
23:19carpet cigarettes is the number one brand in the Democratic Republic of Congo everybody loves the
23:25silky smooth taste of the red carpet cigarettes the Democratic Republic of Congo's number one
23:32only ten Congolese francs a package once you smoke one you'll want more and more and more
24:02oh one thing I can say confidently this show makes me want to see more and more and more and
24:19more we got to talk about a thank you if you made it this far a lot of this shit was bonkers
24:24hold on a second thank you guys oh my god it's Ray bloody purchase but we meet again you fucking
24:31wanker and shit guys that shit this episode was fucking mad it was crazy it was dope you know the
24:39fucking names of some of these characters are crazy my mind is blown a little bit on this shit
24:46here but Ray you're a fucking snitch you grasped up my boy and damn man Jane is the worst agent
24:56ever what you know she gets him you know we love that she's getting him into all these shitty ass
25:00product you know you know projects essentially but half the shit is her fault man so Jamie
25:07pissing me off sometimes um shit she wanted him to do some like fucking free willy type shit here
25:14I don't worry you'll you'll learn it in a day and shit so we like that she'd be trying to get
25:19him into these jobs obviously we it was cool to see it I guess the reenactment memory scene
25:26essentially with the children's show that he did with the you know smoking and shit lighting up
25:33that lady so that shit was crazy seeing that show was insane and my man's doing some Harry
25:40Potter shit and so I like that he definitely is doing all these little different types of gigs
25:48she's got him doing all these gigs even though she said she sucks man she really sucks at her
25:53job and you know she got him into some tax trouble so she again man she should be fucking bloody she
25:59should be fucking fired and shit so Jane on that note is a great character you know she really
26:06doesn't you know have this guy's best interest at heart so by that that shit is funny now I'm
26:12very happy number one because um we got to see a little singing and shit so you know with them
26:19with their white suit the red suit the blue suit these guys busting into a song I like that shit
26:24you know so I enjoyed that anything that has some sort of musical vibes to it we're gonna vibe with
26:30it but yeah Ray had me rolling with his his body motions and like the way he was moving you know
26:38his hair and his face the way he was doing that treadmill shit for the advert for was it flip
26:45jack or some shit that guy's that guy's fucking crazy as hell too so we like that there's a lot
26:50of craziness and goofiness that is happening on this show between Ray you got flip jack I almost
26:58said flapjack if we got the name wrong just let me know in the comments down below and don't get
27:03me started with Bob and the other dude man dude like these guys be that shit was holy crazy shit
27:11so when toast was like that no shine shit I mean we all think of the same shit in that moment there
27:19but man dope episode definitely enjoyed it we got fucking Clem fandango then it's great to see my
27:26man coming back that introduction when he's doing that more and more and more and more when he comes
27:33in offering him a cig and hey so Jane's your agent right you're fucking her right and then he does
27:42his hand motions and that guy that guy's crazy funny too so that advert at the end was great
27:50toast could have made some money man so Jane was definitely right about something that that guy's
27:55adverts flipjack or flapjack flipjack um make some money and shit so next time he should he should
28:03have stuck what he would have got some damn royalties but yeah the goofiness of the episodes
28:07are crazy the antics that this guy is getting himself into you know is it just makes me want
28:14to see more and more and more and more not to be cheesy definitely enjoying the humor that Bob bit
28:20was crazy and then we're hearing about this calendar girls thing where Ed essentially has
28:26definitely you know experience in in knowing about it you know what he was talking about the cupcakes
28:34and all that shit tea kettle whatever tea cups and shit are you know he was definitely going to
28:40the spank bank once he left that room with toast and yeah he he got he got to live I don't know if
28:48it was a little fantasy and shit but he was definitely eager as hell when toast was doing
28:53the director bit and let's ask you guys the question was toast a good director let me know
28:58in the comments down below man I'm saying he did good maybe a hell of a good job there but it led
29:05to this excuse me it led to this crazy fucking scenario that I did feel bad for the the old lady
29:13in that scenario where he's like you are you fucking you know like you stupid man you better
29:20get this damn line right are you gonna get fired so I was enjoying the calendar girls scene and
29:25when she volunteered I should have knew something was up I'm like oh man she's nice lady uh but yeah
29:33she had that she had that fucking hidden agenda essentially she was she was really upset and you
29:38can see it I thought she was gonna cry and shit you can see our lips were kind of quivering a
29:42little bit she was upset but yeah I thought he did a great job doing that directing stuff you
29:48guys let me know what you think but I am enjoying the show definitely as cheesy as corny as it
29:52sounds definitely gonna see more and more and more and more yeah the characters are great you know
29:57Ray Purchase is definitely an awesome character Flipjack was crazy I did forget the gentleman's
30:03name Bob and then the next guy the next guy the one that was creeping up when he had to like the
30:09seaweed on him and shit I thought he did a great job as well I think it was Neville or Nevins or
30:15something like that with the you know unfortunately having to do poaching in order to make some money
30:20and shit getting shot at you know we getting bucked that is guy got the sniper rifle you know
30:26not Ray you know toasting this guy getting chased away you better run man that's the quickest way
30:32to get back to London so yeah I enjoyed the episode plenty of laughs I hope to see some
30:37more great episodes thank you guys for hanging out don't forget to Like comment subscribe it
30:41is absolutely free to do thank you for you know spending part of your weekend here I really do
30:46appreciate it we've got more adventures coming soon sorry I know I know very cheesy with that
30:50shit see you soon peace