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Short filmTranscript
00:00We are beautiful, we are hardworking, in the working force of years.
00:07With a commitment to life, and the payment of unspeakable advice.
00:11This is all our wealth, in the hands of two hearts.
00:15Capital at the beginning, with which we will conquer the whole world.
00:21We will conquer the whole third world.
00:25We will conquer the whole third world.
00:31Sławek.
00:32Here's what I have for you.
00:33The wedding of this footballer, Tomasz B.
00:35The actor's betrayal, Maciej M.
00:38And the funeral of this singer, Dorota S.
00:40And you know what interests us.
00:41Who cried, who didn't cry.
00:42The backstage.
00:43Shit on the stick and we bury it.
00:45Rare.
00:46What?
00:47Clear.
00:49Rare and clear shit, you took it to the doctor.
00:51So it's really funny?
00:53It shouldn't be funny.
00:54It's a punishment.
00:55And you.
00:57Hard and ready.
00:58Like shit.
00:59Well.
01:00You will do an interview with my father-in-law.
01:03Who is he?
01:04A basketball player.
01:05I don't know why people are interested, but ...
01:10Here you are.
01:11I have a hole under the crossbar, so you have to bring me a scandal.
01:14To work.
01:18But you must have some disadvantages.
01:21No.
01:22I don't drink.
01:23If something needs to be fixed, he fixes it right away.
01:25I take two cats from the shelter.
01:27One has no legs at all.
01:28Kale, Kale, so lovely.
01:30And then Maciek lived on the fourth floor without a lift.
01:34And he was carrying him, and he was fat.
01:36Despite the lack of legs.
01:38When his daughter broke her hip, he also carried her.
01:41Together with the cat.
01:43Fuck, he'll be to Tick's soon.
01:45I believe in such things.
01:47Sir, but nothing like this happens in your life.
01:53A beautiful seagull flew here yesterday.
01:57But what was yesterday?
01:59The newspaper needs something, I don't know.
02:01Let him find you something.
02:03Maybe he pees on the board?
02:06He pees perfectly, as if I throw it into the basket.
02:08Sir, let him find one minus.
02:11Personally, what bothers you?
02:17I don't drink.
02:19End of recording.
02:24Is that all?
02:25Nothing more.
02:27We'd better find something at the Mother of God.
02:29She favors some cities.
02:32Listen, it's not even suitable for a hole under the cross.
02:36Okay.
02:37Actress.
02:38Małgorzata K.
02:39She just bought a dog.
02:41And?
02:42That's all.
02:44Find out what his name is.
02:47She?
02:48Or a dog?
02:57Oh my God.
02:58A dog?
03:00A dog, a dog?
03:02A dog, for God's sake.
03:03Come here, a dog.
03:04Okay, I'll ask him.
03:06He's not a professional.
03:07Please.
03:08I have to.
03:09Hello, excuse me.
03:11What the hell is this animal doing here?
03:13A dog?
03:14Oh, a dog.
03:15Damn animal.
03:16It's a dog.
03:18No, it's a dog.
03:20A dog.
03:21Come on, quickly.
03:22Let's get out of here.
03:23It's a dog.
03:25A dog.
03:27A dog.
03:34This dog has no name.
03:36We should write an article about you.
03:38Shock.
03:39Boring freaks.
03:42Okay, I'll give you one last chance.
03:44You have to take pictures of celebrities
03:46putting a child in a car in a wrong way.
03:48But how do I do that?
03:49Normally.
03:50Fuck.
03:51Stick your finger in.
03:52The advice is good, but...
03:53How to capture it, I mean.
03:55What celebrities?
03:56There's a big social group here.
03:59Those who can do something, or most of them?
04:01Well, pick one.
04:04I have enough life to ruin.
04:06Oh, you won't?
04:08You're out.
04:11Come on, go.
04:12Go.
04:21Big world.
04:26And a small world.
04:28Big world.
04:32And a small world.
04:34Put it down.
04:39A nameless dog and a holy basketball player.
04:42Who?
04:44A basketball player.
04:45You have to be lucky.
04:47It's enough to have you.
04:49Shit, not a job.
04:50We're sitting here like two children waiting for the unknown.
04:53At least the dog knows...
04:55I don't know, that he'll get his lunch at 4 p.m.
04:57We have names.
04:59At least when we die of starvation, they'll know what to write on the album.
05:02What to write?
05:05I think your parents gave you a hard time when you were a kid, huh?
05:08You didn't have a belt then.
05:10Although...
05:12I got a belt a few times.
05:14I like this job.
05:17It doesn't bother me.
05:19The machine doesn't bark. It's sitting.
05:21The machine is sitting.
05:23Again.
05:24The job is sitting.
05:25The machine is barking.
05:27It's a bit cold.
05:28It's not cold, because it's winter.
05:29And we don't care about the heating.
05:31We get five bucks for one nose, and that's for two.
05:34So what do you want?
05:35Two bucks for the head.
05:37How do you count that?
05:38Wait, it's here.
05:40It's here.
05:43Look.
05:44The dog ran after the dog.
05:45Hold the cart, because this kid will murder, kill, fall to his death.
05:49Wait, wait.
05:50I'm on my way, sir.
05:51Hold the cart.
05:52Wait a minute.
05:53Okay, I got it.
05:54Look, it's here.
06:04Oh, this is something.
06:06What's the kid's name?
06:08It could have died unharnessed.
06:10Tomek.
06:12Okay.
06:13Very good photo.
06:14You could have waited for the car to...
06:17But it's okay.
06:18It's a lesson.
06:19Next time.
06:21How do you know it was Tomek?
06:23What's his name?
06:24It was a girl, I think.
06:25Any bonus?
06:27Of course.
06:28As a bonus, a better offer.
06:30You'll take a picture of the guy who marries a 20-year-old girl.
06:3520 years.
06:36What for?
06:38Degenerate.
06:44And you know, the priest asks you who doesn't agree.
06:47And I go out and say, I don't agree.
06:50But you'd have a minute, wouldn't you?
06:53It's good that you're a believer.
06:55You know all these churches.
06:57Yeah.
06:58Amen.
07:01Hey, hey, man!
07:02It's a shame you haven't left the church yet.
07:05This is my department, Leszcze.
07:06I do all the weddings, funerals, births, and funerals.
07:09You can do whatever you want.
07:13The studios are coming.
07:15Ave Maria, Leszcze.
07:18Where?
07:19Here.
07:28Beautiful church, gorgeous.
07:34Bravo.
07:35Congratulations.
07:36Even if it doesn't meet our standards.
07:38And this is a real achievement.
07:40Because the camera destroyed me.
07:42And what am I, a loser in our team?
07:44This is my territory.
07:45Freedom and willpower is my territory.
07:47Dirty Italy.
07:48Okay, shut up.
07:49The fact is that we don't have any pictures from this wedding.
07:52And now this actor thinks he's innocent.
07:54The next one will be even younger.
07:56Degenerate.
07:57It's his fault.
07:58It's their fault.
07:59Our stars' fault.
08:02But you're tiring me out.
08:04Okay, listen, let's do this.
08:06Who brings me a more scandalous photo by 8 p.m.,
08:09will get a bonus and a photo only.
08:13And who loses, gets fired.
08:17Deal.
08:19I like games like this.
08:21Deal!
08:28You agreed, but we don't know anything about this world.
08:30What's in the shoes of the one who starts a bigger fire.
08:32No, but...
08:35Well, his wife betrayed him with this music.
08:37This Italian who lives by the fence.
08:39The one who wrote these songs for this musical.
08:41So he turned to her and took this guy from the breakfast TV.
08:45So now she's hitting on him for food,
08:47and he pretends he doesn't earn anything.
08:48The one who made her face in Switzerland.
08:50And now he pretends he has such a beard,
08:52because he only eats apples.
08:54He's going to the party,
08:55and now he's hitting on this older guy.
08:57But it's obvious that it's a cover,
08:58because he's always chasing young boys.
08:59He's ugly, like an ass in the mud.
09:01And he made his teeth.
09:02But so white.
09:04I'll be eating him all the time.
09:05We'll read it later.
09:06Is it a cat?
09:07If you could be a little slower.
09:09And after the names.
09:10Oh, no.
09:11I'm not so interested.
09:13I'll look for something there.
09:16But this guy,
09:17who has this daughter,
09:18who was in this TV show,
09:19it's him.
09:20It's him.
09:28Hey, this guy,
09:29who's eating at the table,
09:31has a huge potential to be gay.
09:33Apparently, each of us is a bit gay.
09:36I'm not a bit.
09:37Dreams don't count.
09:39Anyway, we have to catch him,
09:40because if he's gay,
09:41half of Poland will be outraged,
09:43and the other half will like him even more.
09:45What's he eating there?
09:47If he took a kebab,
09:48he would eat it.
09:49With such a grass, with an egg.
09:51Look at him,
09:52he has a signature,
09:53which he will not reject.
09:54What am I?
09:55What kind of person am I?
09:56What kind of signature do I have?
09:57You eat everything well,
09:58leave the food.
09:59Leave it,
10:00it's our only tool of work.
10:02You,
10:03so how is it our tool of work?
10:04Then stay here with this tool,
10:05and I'll be looking for topics elsewhere.
10:07If I find something,
10:08I'll call you.
10:11Good idea.
10:12Of course it's a good idea.
10:13Put it away.
10:16How will you call?
10:17We have only one phone.
10:19I knew he was an idiot,
10:20but that I was a novelty.
10:28Man,
10:29kiss,
10:30at least a waiter,
10:31rub him,
10:32from the LGBT and something.
10:37What is it?
10:38I am.
10:40Man,
10:41what I saw,
10:42you will not believe.
10:43In the basement of the university,
10:44sexual organ,
10:45with the department of serial
10:47and film actors.
10:48What?
10:49They had masks,
10:50but they took them off.
10:51Then they ate drugs,
10:53they called Satan,
10:55sheep.
10:56Burned, understand?
10:57They burned the sheep.
10:58Everyone was there,
10:59politicians from different sides,
11:01bishops,
11:02archbishops,
11:04two boxers,
11:05Wiśniaw, Wiśniewski,
11:06and the head of the police.
11:07Well, let's go there.
11:08What do you mean, man?
11:09They finished,
11:10burned the traces,
11:11and after all.
11:12If I had a phone,
11:13I would take pictures.
11:14But if you had a card
11:15and a pencil,
11:16I can draw you
11:17everything
11:18from the thickest.
11:23Listen,
11:24if you are interested,
11:25I already have three pictures of betrayal,
11:26one picture of unwanted pregnancy,
11:28and one picture
11:29of a fan of ecology
11:30in a fur coat.
11:35All the best, sweeties!
11:39Wait!
11:40Kiss the facet!
11:41Thank you, God,
11:42that you created gays.
11:43You didn't have to.
11:54Did you see that couple?
11:55Yeah.
11:56Watch them.
11:57Don't take your eyes off them.
11:59She's with someone else.
12:00So is he.
12:01It's obviously
12:02a very scandalous betrayal.
12:05Tell me,
12:06why can't people be faithful?
12:08I'm going to take a piss.
12:09Hold the camera.
12:10And now,
12:11don't take a picture of yourself,
12:12don't take a picture with your thumb,
12:13don't drop the camera,
12:14don't turn the camera,
12:15don't eat the camera,
12:16don't fart like that.
12:17Okay,
12:18accidents happen,
12:19but
12:20I'm tight and sensitive.
12:22Like a dog in two.
12:30Oh.
12:33What a beautiful shot.
12:35What a beautiful couple.
12:38I want to take a picture.
12:43Just to be sure.
12:47Did you see that?
12:48What are you doing?
12:49I didn't pee much.
12:50They were fighting.
12:51Look at the picture.
12:52It's clean.
12:53It's clean.
12:54It's clean.
12:55It's clean.
12:56It's clean.
12:57It's clean.
12:58Clean shot.
12:59Bro,
13:00no thumb,
13:01no dirt,
13:02classic photography.
13:03We'll hang it in the cellar.
13:04So?
13:06You moron!
13:07What?
13:08That's not the couple.
13:09What?
13:10Don't you know that woman?
13:11She's right next to you.
13:12They don't kiss.
13:14No, I don't.
13:15I don't watch those shows.
13:17People usually kiss and hug in the park.
13:18How am I supposed to know
13:20who's famous
13:21and who's not?
13:22In a moment,
13:23I'll be known as a murderer.
13:24Morons!
13:28We're going after the birds, right?
13:30It's after 7pm, right?
13:32I decide when it's after the birds.
13:34It's our last chance.
13:36Okay, if you say so, I'm ready.
13:38We have to make a bill.
13:40A bill, great.
13:42You have to do it.
13:44Okay.
13:46This is where the so-called celebrity lives.
13:48Yes.
13:50I got a signal that he'll be leaving soon.
13:52Damn, what emotions.
13:54You have to get under the car.
13:56Okay.
13:58What?
14:00You said you were ready to sacrifice.
14:02Metaphorically.
14:04I mean, I love this country,
14:06but if there was a war, I'd simulate it.
14:08This celebrity is a well-known whore.
14:10I'm sure he'll want to run away from the scene,
14:12but we'll have it on camera.
14:14Why don't you want to get under the car,
14:16but me?
14:18Because you're crazy.
14:20He'll be driving me,
14:22and you'll be looking out the window
14:24so that your sacrifice doesn't go to waste.
14:26I can't, I'm short-sighted.
14:28Something's going to happen to me.
14:30You wanted to be an actor,
14:32you'll be a stuntman.
14:34Forget it.
14:36And if you're lucky, you'll get compensation.
14:38We have to break this belt after the defeat.
14:40Compensation?
14:42Okay.
14:44I'll bounce off the mask,
14:46I'll roll like a horse.
14:48But what kind of car is this?
14:50Some big, dark SUV.
14:52Jesus.
15:02Stop! Stop!
15:16Are you crazy?
15:22Jesus!
15:24We're in the wrong place.
15:26Fortunately, nothing happened to the car,
15:28but I'll have a trauma.
15:30I'll pay you back.
15:32Yes, I'm rich,
15:34but these are the eternal rules of capitalism.
15:36You're a whore.
15:38What whore?
15:40A whore without vulgarisms.
15:42Get off!
15:44You're a cheater.
15:46I'm driving him away.
15:48You're a whore.
15:50You're a whore.
16:04Damn, it's not the one.
16:06Of course it's not the one.
16:08I don't fall for any dark SUV, you crazy.
16:12You'll get compensation for this accident.
16:14We don't have time for this.
16:16We're fighting for victory, you understand?
16:18My chalice is a sacrifice I'm ready for.
16:20My chalice.
16:24Turn off the light.
16:26See? Turn off the light.
16:28He'll be out soon. Get out.
16:30Go.
16:32I'm going.
16:34I'm going, I'm going.
16:48Are you okay?
16:50I'm fine.
16:52I'm sorry, but you jumped out of nowhere.
16:54Do you feel your heart beating?
16:56No, I think I'm going to die.
16:58Stay with me.
17:00I've been carrying this bag for the rest of my life.
17:02It's a dead man's bag.
17:04Wait.
17:06Someone call an ambulance.
17:12I'm fine.
17:14I'm fine.
17:16I'm fine.
17:18I'm fine.
17:20You're bleeding.
17:22No, it's a special effect.
17:24I see you're bleeding.
17:26I live on the second floor.
17:28Let's go home.
17:30No, thank you.
17:32I'll be fine.
17:34I really like your movies.
17:36But I'm an athlete.
17:38I really like your races.
17:40Everything's fine.
17:42Yes?
17:44Good luck.
17:46Bye.
18:00You did a great job.
18:02You can win a title.
18:04Kalec came here.
18:06He didn't stop.
18:08He's going to add a driving license to Photoshop.
18:10It's going to be great.
18:12We can't use this photo.
18:14Why not?
18:16He's a good guy.
18:18He apologized.
18:20I think he's kidding.
18:22We're not going to use it.
18:24You said he was going to run away.
18:26Yes.
18:28I read it on the Internet.
18:30Where?
18:32Look at this photo.
18:34Delete it.
18:36What did you do?
18:38Did you delete the photo?
18:42Roman,
18:44you didn't save a single photo.
18:46Go away.
18:48I have a photo
18:50of a celebrity
18:52hitting a pedestrian.
18:54A moron
18:56set it up
18:58and photographed it.
19:00So many elements of a scandal.
19:02It's going to be a double-edged sword.
19:04You know what?
19:06I'm going to kill him.
19:08No one will find out.
19:10You're not an expert.
19:12Do you think
19:14I don't have a backup memory card?
19:16You don't have backup teeth.
19:18Give it to me.
19:20Take it.
19:22Come here.
19:24Don't run away.
19:26Take it.
19:28Take your old photo.
19:30Take it.
19:34He's a good guy.
19:36He's a saint.
19:38He says he's religious,
19:40that abortion is gay,
19:42but he's just a drunkard.
19:44He comes to me for alcohol.
19:46Every day?
19:48Once every two months.
19:50What kind of a drunkard is he?
19:52He made a graphic like this.
19:54I have friends here.
19:56He buys alcohol every day
19:58so that no one notices him.
20:0060 shops in two months.
20:02Right.
20:04Here.
20:06Are they together?
20:08Shock.
20:10Mrs. Nadpołości.
20:12These people have no privacy.
20:14Let them live.
20:16I'll tell you
20:18I don't give a shit about these photos.
20:30Here she is.
20:32Oh my God.
20:34You're such a jerk.
20:36Do you understand
20:38that I thought he was in jail?
20:40Where did you find him?
20:42He was at the house
20:44of a famous sportsman
20:46Krzysztof H.
20:48Really?
20:50I had an affair with him.
20:52But I had to leave him
20:54because he was terrible in bed.
20:56I forgot about the dog.
20:58Okay.
21:00Thank you very much.
21:02You don't have to.
21:04Just tell me
21:06out of curiosity.
21:08What's his name?
21:10He doesn't have a name.
21:12I'm very busy
21:14and I didn't have time to name him.
21:16Maybe I'll name him
21:18in his father's name.
21:20What's your name?
21:22Gwidan.
21:24And the other one?
21:32THE END
21:34THE END
21:36THE END
21:38THE END
21:40THE END
21:42THE END
21:44THE END
21:46THE END
21:48THE END
21:50THE END
21:52THE END
21:54THE END
21:56THE END
21:58THE END