American deserters of the French Foreign Legion flee southward into the jungles of Africa, assuming they'll do so un-followed. Unfortunately, their former superior finds their tracks and vows to follow them to the ends of the earth.
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00:00Oh
00:14We made it that's right you go and you can kiss the foreign legion goodbye goodbye and good riddance you chumps
00:30Oh
00:34Come on we'll head north towards Europe, you know, Paris the Eiffel Tower
00:38questions
00:39Not so fast jr. That's exactly what they'll expect us to do. We'll head south instead south
00:46There's nothing that way but jungle exactly. They won't ever think to look for us there
00:50Well now why not because a couple of guys like us wouldn't last a minute in the jungle
00:55You're a genius hoofed and that's why we'll stay one step ahead. You go superior intellect
01:00And who has that?
01:10Assemble a squad of our best men we're going after them
01:13They are criminals lieutenant and I intend to bring them to justice
01:17Even if I have to hunt them to the very ends of this earth
01:21Then the bloodthirsty pirate Blackbeard pointed his cutlass at lieutenant Maynard and forced our hero out onto the ship's plank. Maynard bravely stepped forward towards his certain doom. Not once glancing down at the shark infested waters below. Blackbeard cackled a sinister laugh.
01:28Then the bloodthirsty pirate Blackbeard pointed his cutlass at lieutenant Maynard and forced our hero out onto the ship's plank. Maynard bravely stepped forward towards his certain doom. Not once glancing down at the shark infested waters below. Blackbeard cackled a sinister laugh.
01:48So scary so scary I can't take any more make it stop
01:52Hey what gives? You're the one who picked out that book.
01:55I know but the binding looks so pretty and inviting. They really ought to put warning labels on these things.
02:02Well it just serves to show that you can't judge a book by its cover.
02:06How should you judge a book?
02:08Well by what's inside of course. It's a saying that applies to people as well. You can't always go by outside appearances.
02:17You have to take the time to read them.
02:19I suppose so. So let's skip on now shall we? Lieutenant Maynard bested Blackbeard and they all lived happily ever after and so on and so forth the end.
02:28Next time I pick the book.
02:31So I assume Blackbeard went to prison right? No chance of probation? No work release programs? Right?
02:38Oh I think we're quite safe from him or any other dangerous criminals.
02:45Not going to make it. You go on without me.
02:53Okay buddy. Go on without me.
02:58Yeah go on without me.
02:59I can't go on without you. We're chained together.
03:02Yeah right. Okay well I'll go on without you then.
03:06Whoa!
03:12We're alive! We're alive!
03:18We're dead! We're dead! Oh boy!
03:36Oh nice trapeze work there pal. Thanks a lot.
03:40Yeah you're a real swinging kind of guy.
03:50Well sir I'm Hoof. This is Hugo.
03:53Hi hi hello? He's not getting it. Hello? Wild man of the jungle. Do you know English?
04:01I'm Tarzan.
04:04Oh boy. Well Tarzan looks like somebody's been working out.
04:08Thanks I was hoping you'd notice.
04:10Not you you dumb lug.
04:14You're not British are you?
04:17No sir nature boy.
04:18No sir we're American. All the way 100%.
04:28Good stuff.
04:29You want a bite of mine?
04:30No thank you.
04:33Are we certain they're not pirates? Ask them if they know Blackbeard.
04:37They're not pirates. They're Americans.
04:40Okay but if you end up walking the plank don't come crying to me.
04:44So you gentlemen are with the foreign legion am I correct?
04:49Yeah we were but then we busted our way out.
04:53Out of the rank and file. You see we're not really soldiers.
04:57You're not?
04:58We're not?
04:59No no we're super secret agents cleverly disguised as soldiers.
05:04Soldiers in really raggedy and dirty uniforms.
05:08Yeah we're the rag squad and we're on a secret mission right now.
05:11Oh mission yeah.
05:13Really? What kind of mission?
05:15Oh a super secret one of course.
05:17Yeah after all we're super secret agents remember?
05:20Yeah.
05:21And what pray tell would these be exactly?
05:23These? Well there's a very simple explanation for these.
05:27See these would be our...
05:28Decoder bracelets?
05:30Yeah exactly junior.
05:31That's right.
05:34Well we hate to eat and run but we've burdened you enough.
05:36It's time for us to be packing up.
05:38Packing up and moving on.
05:40Yeah thanks for all your help Tarzan.
05:42Take care of you too.
05:43Good luck.
05:45Hey hold on there danger boy.
05:47Hold your zebras.
05:48Tarzan can we trust you?
05:51Of course.
05:52Because the information I'm about to tell you it's top top secret.
05:55Oh it's tippy top secret.
05:57I mean we don't even know it ourselves.
05:59What is it?
06:00Now listen Tarzan.
06:01Our mission is in jeopardy.
06:03Here's the thing.
06:05We super secret agents need what we in the super secret agent business call a...
06:09A home base.
06:11Exactly a place where we can sleep.
06:13Twelve to fourteen hours a night.
06:15Place where we can eat.
06:16Five to six squares a day.
06:17Place to do our laundry.
06:19Light stacks on the collar if you don't mind.
06:21A base of operations for our entire super secret mission.
06:25But where to find such a place?
06:28Where indeed?
06:32Well why don't you stay here?
06:34Sorry?
06:35What was that you said?
06:37Stay here with us.
06:39This could be your home base.
06:41Hey that's a great idea Tarzan.
06:43Oh brilliant.
06:44Just brilliant.
06:45Boy that's some good thinking you did there Einstein.
06:47You sir have got the makings of a top notch super secret agent.
06:51Oh really?
06:55Oh very good very good.
06:58Oh no stop that.
06:59I ain't eating that.
07:00I know where it's been.
07:03Guess what?
07:04They're staying.
07:05Here? With us?
07:06Until they finish their super secret mission.
07:09Oh you shouldn't believe everything they say dear.
07:13I mean after all we don't really know these men.
07:16How do we know that they can be trusted?
07:18Well they don't have any weapons.
07:22And look how much fun they are.
07:24I know that they appear harmless enough.
07:27But remember what I said about judging a book by it's cover.
07:31I know those two are trouble.
07:35Nothing over here.
07:37No sign of them.
07:38Keep looking.
07:39We must bring those criminals to justice.
07:46Through here.
07:48Alright remember they will be tired and hungry by now.
07:52Those fools are no match for the hardships of this jungle.
08:00Well look at me I got it made in the shade.
08:02Pass me the food glad that we stayed.
08:05Got ourselves a home a cook and a maid.
08:08Oh yeah we got it made in the shade.
08:11Who'd of thought we'd be living in trees.
08:14Who'd of thought we'd be living in trees.
08:16Cool as a cuke.
08:18Always at ease.
08:19Playing with the animals life is a breeze.
08:22When we got it made in the shade.
08:25Feels so good.
08:28When you're living on easy street.
08:31Feels so good.
08:34Had some dashing.
08:36Splish splashing.
08:37Up late then we sleep until one.
08:40Give us a call when our laundry is done.
08:43Wash your pets ears and his thumb.
08:46When you got it made in the shade.
08:48Oh yeah.
08:49Pick the wrong one I'm afraid.
08:51Oh yeah we got it made in the shade.
08:54We got it made in the shade with a glass of lemonade.
08:58If those bumblers are secret agents I'm Queen Bess in a bonnet.
09:04My apologies if I startled you madam.
09:06You should be careful.
09:08A lady such as yourself alone in the jungle.
09:11Right on my own thank you very much.
09:13Mister...
09:14Colonel.
09:15Lieutenant Colonel Jean Stocket.
09:17At your service.
09:18I only meant that you should be careful because there are criminals loose in the area.
09:22Criminals?
09:23Yes.
09:24Deserters.
09:25Very dangerous.
09:26Let me guess.
09:27One is thin and not too bright.
09:29The other portly and dumb as a stump.
09:31That would be them.
09:33You know where they are?
09:37Okay don't want anybody hurt here.
09:39Take it nice and slow and keep your hands where I can see them nature boy.
09:47Oh that sparks.
09:49Oh you know what I'd do now?
09:51This is just me mind you.
09:52I would let it ride.
09:53Bet it all.
09:54Double down.
09:56Yeah that's the only way to turn that streak around.
09:58It is a game of odds you know.
10:01Good day gentlemen.
10:03Yeah hey hi there Colonel Stocket.
10:06Hey do you mind Colonel?
10:07We're in the middle of a...
10:09Oh it's Blackbeard.
10:10Blackbeard I tell you.
10:11Run for your lives.
10:24Take them.
10:34Get in.
10:36Should we start rowing?
10:38Yeah.
10:44There.
10:45Get them.
10:56Oh hey buddy.
10:57Nice catch.
11:03Tarzan wait.
11:04You don't understand.
11:06Go left, left.
11:07I mean left is right.
11:08That's right.
11:10Faster, faster.
11:11Get out of his face already.
11:13He's got to go faster.
11:18You've got to come up here.
11:19The view is incredible.
11:33Well this is getting the breeze.
11:38Hup.
11:43Tarzan please wait.
11:53Quickly over here.
11:55Run.
11:56Okay you heard the man.
11:57Let's do it.
11:58Charge.
12:00Or not.
12:01Hi pal.
12:03Tarzan stop.
12:05Hugo and Hooft are criminals.
12:10Criminals?
12:11No they're super secret agents.
12:14They lied Tarzan.
12:16Is this true?
12:19Well truth can be a very obscure kind of notion.
12:24Is it true?
12:25It's true.
12:26We're not super secret agents.
12:30Tarzan wait.
12:31Yeah let us explain.
12:36Private Hugo and Hooft.
12:38I hereby place you under arrest again.
12:42It's a shame you can only be executed once for your crimes.
12:45Executed?
12:46What on earth for?
12:48The worst crime a soldier can commit my dear.
12:51Refusing to obey a direct order.
12:54Insubordination?
12:55Is that so serious?
12:57It is when I'm giving the order.
13:00And what was the order?
13:02Well Stakke ordered us to burn down a village.
13:04Yeah but we wouldn't do it.
13:05No.
13:06When an officer gives an order a soldier carries it out.
13:11He doesn't whine nonsense about women and children.
13:15Now if you will excuse us.
13:18These two have a date with the executioner.
13:24And to think after all the times I've been hurt.
13:28I'll never trust again.
13:31The point is you can't trust anyone whose body isn't at least 50% covered with hair.
13:35You hear me?
13:3650%!
13:38Tarzan!
13:42I've been looking all over for you.
13:44We must rescue Hugo and Hooft at once.
13:47Excuse me are you trying to play mind games with us?
13:51I'm so confused.
13:53Are they bad guys or not?
13:55No they're heroes actually if you can believe that.
13:58Wait wait wait.
13:59You said they were criminals.
14:00Well they are.
14:01Oh rather they're both really.
14:03Oh that is to say that you see sometimes the people in authority the ones giving the orders and making the laws well they're the ones who are the real criminals.
14:14You mean like that man back there?
14:18Colonel Stakke only I didn't see it.
14:21I just saw that fancy uniform and the badges on his arms and I assumed that he was the one in the right.
14:27So you judged him by his cover?
14:29Yes I know stung by my own metaphor and now Stakke is going to kill Hugo and Hooft.
14:35No he's not.
14:50I considered simply flinging you two fools off that cliff.
14:56But I decided on a more historic approach.
15:04Well that's very thoughtful just a little off the sides please.
15:07Actually Hugo I think he's planning to take a little off the top if you get my meaning.
15:15Hey you guys don't understand I don't look good in a brush cut.
15:19Step right up.
15:22Any last requests?
15:24I wouldn't mind dying of old age.
15:26Yeah hey how about some key lime pie?
15:28That sounds refreshing and you'll be back from Florida in no time just stick to the back roads.
15:32Enough put them in.
15:34Hey careful I bruise easily.
15:36Prepare to taste some justice.
15:55Attack! Attack!
16:03Retreat! Retreat!
16:06Glide! Pop Glide!
16:25Where am I? Excuse me. Hello.
16:27Hey not bad. You're a one elephant stampede.
16:32Where's Hugo and Hooft?
16:40Nowhere left to run.
16:43I am Hugo and Hooft.
16:46I am Hugo and Hooft.
16:48I am Hugo and Hooft.
16:51Nowhere left to run.
16:53I shall dispose of you myself.
16:56Wait a minute.
16:57Hey no don't we get another last request?
17:00Very well my primitive friend.
17:04We will settle this mano a mano.
17:21Truly I have met my match.
17:25I will lay down my weapon.
17:33Never send an ape to do a man's job.
17:37Hey buddy you thinking what I'm thinking?
17:39Yeah let's do it for Tarzan.
17:44Hugo! Hooft! No!
17:48Don't worry. You're about to join them.
18:10Put down your weapons. Now!
18:14Our mission here is through.
18:17Go. Leave this jungle.
18:20I will go. After all I said I would hunt them to the ends of the earth.
18:26And so I have.
18:31Oh Tarzan thank goodness you're alright.
18:34Hey what happened to Hooft and Hugo?
18:37They're gone.
18:40One day they're pulling a peanut out from behind your ear.
18:44And the next they're gone.
18:46What does it all mean?
18:48I just got a little something in my eye over here.
18:53Hello up there.
18:55We could use a little help down here.
18:58Hey nature boy.
18:59Yeah don't leave us hanging down here.
19:01Hugo? Hooft?
19:05What happened big guy?
19:07Hey where's Colonel Stakay?
19:08He's gone. He left because he thought you were dead.
19:11Right. Well see that was our plan all along.
19:15Yeah yeah. I mean strategy is our middle name.
19:20So what are you two heroes going to do now?
19:24Well toots we just figured we'd move back in with you guys.
19:27Yeah. Hey speaking of which what's for dinner tonight?
19:30I have a better idea.
19:34Seven! Don't I win?
19:39Tough luck professor.
19:41But I could have swarmed seven.
19:45Oh no pups you're thinking of winter rules.
19:47Yeah this is summer.
19:49What do you think?
19:50They can start tomorrow.
19:52Just imagine Hugo and Hooft doing an honest day's work.
19:57Work? Yes. Honest? I'm not so certain.
20:01Oh hey professor if I were you know what I'd do now?
20:05Double down?
20:08Right you are your smartness.
20:10Only way to turn that streak around.
20:12Come on now. Daddy needs a new pair of buns and burners.