… Into Fire Audiobook part 1/4

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… Into Fire Audiobook part 1/4 Best Seller Romance Audiobook

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00:00:00This is Audible.

00:00:02Oh My Audiobooks Presents

00:00:04Flesh Into Fire

00:00:06Book Three of Original Sin

00:00:08Written by J.A. Huss and Jonathan McClain

00:00:11Performed by Tad Branson and Ava Erickson

00:00:19Chapter One

00:00:21Tyler

00:00:23My neck itches.

00:00:26I hate wearing a fucking collar. I really do.

00:00:29I think it comes from my time in the service and all the gear.

00:00:32I had so much shit all up around my neck and face all the time.

00:00:36Always made me feel like I was being choked or suffocated.

00:00:40Sometimes I was, of course, being choked or suffocated.

00:00:43So it's possible that it's really just a Pavlovian association of some kind.

00:00:47But regardless, I hate wearing a fucking collar.

00:00:51Good thing I never considered becoming a priest.

00:00:54For like a hundred reasons, but the collar thing is one of them.

00:00:58But I'm wearing a collar today for the second time in the last week

00:01:02because I want to show the proper respect to the deceased.

00:01:05So I borrowed one of Evan's $14,346 suits, I asked.

00:01:12And God knows how much they cost, shirts and ties, and stuffed myself into them.

00:01:17There wasn't actually a lot of stuffing to be done. They fit great.

00:01:20Evan and I are almost exactly the same size as it turns out.

00:01:23He and Robert went to Italy, Naples, I think,

00:01:26and they could both have several custom suits made by some famous bespoke tailor.

00:01:30So the suit is designed for his frame, but it might actually fit me just a little better.

00:01:35At least that's what Robert said, but he may have just been fucking with Evan.

00:01:40Anyway, my neck itches.

00:01:43I gotta shave again someday.

00:01:46Jeff's funeral was rough.

00:01:48Even though we didn't really know him at all, we went.

00:01:52Mattie and I, that is.

00:01:54Seemed like the right thing to do.

00:01:56For a lot of reasons.

00:01:57Not least of all the fact that, even though we didn't talk about it,

00:02:00I think he reminded Mattie of Scotty just as much as he did me.

00:02:05On some very evident level, it was a make-up funeral for the one I missed seven years ago.

00:02:11A first responder funeral is a lot like a military one.

00:02:14There was a procession of fire trucks and police escorts all the way to the gravesite.

00:02:19All of Jeff's brothers-in-arms from all the station houses in town wearing their dress uniforms.

00:02:25There were bagpipes, which is kind of weird.

00:02:28I know it's a thing they do, but I don't think Jeff was Scottish.

00:02:32Turns out his last name was Rossi, so I guess he was Italian, but whatever.

00:02:37Doesn't matter.

00:02:38The bagpipes were a nice touch.

00:02:41Evan gave a eulogy.

00:02:43He talked about dedication and commitment and honor and all the things I'd expect,

00:02:47but he did something I wasn't expecting at all.

00:02:50He talked about Jeff's 21st birthday.

00:02:53The night we went to the strip club.

00:02:55The night I saw Mattie dancing and fell in love with someone I knew but didn't know I knew.

00:03:00The strip club that burned down and killed Jeff in the process.

00:03:04The strip club that was burned down by people who did it to punish Mattie.

00:03:08Fucking hell.

00:03:11So, understandably, I was a little nervous when Evan began telling the story.

00:03:15And not just for all the personal reasons, but also because telling a story about a guy at a strip club

00:03:19feels like it's better suited for a bachelor party than a funeral.

00:03:23But goddamn if Evan didn't somehow manage to make it sweet and kind and insightful and full of heart.

00:03:31And when he got to the part about Jeff throwing up on his expensive shoes,

00:03:34everyone was laughing and crying at the same time.

00:03:38It was perfect and made us all feel like we really knew Jeff, whether we did or not.

00:03:44I don't believe in heroes.

00:03:46But if you held a gun to my head and told me that I had to pick someone to claim as my personal hero,

00:03:51it'd have to be Evan Silver.

00:03:54Actually, if you held a gun to my head and told me to do anything, I'd tell you to go fuck yourself.

00:03:58But privately, inside, I'd be saying Evan Silver was my hero.

00:04:02Mattie was pretty beat up by the whole thing.

00:04:04The funeral, that is.

00:04:06When Evan started in on the strip club stuff, she gasped a little and squeezed my hand tightly.

00:04:12But she was hanging on, not crying too much, being a total champ,

00:04:15especially given how complicated I know her feelings must have been.

00:04:19She managed to stifle her tears pretty well.

00:04:22Right up until...

00:04:24Jeff's dad got up to speak.

00:04:27Um... he said.

00:04:30I, uh...

00:04:32I'm not typically inclined to talk a lot, so I'll keep this short.

00:04:37And he did.

00:04:39Because that was it.

00:04:41That was all he was able to manage.

00:04:44He stepped in front of Jeff's casket, all draped in the American flag,

00:04:48Jeff's picture on an easel beside it, very classic and traditional,

00:04:53and he readied himself to speak.

00:04:55But he couldn't.

00:04:57He just flat out broke down.

00:04:59It started with little spasms in his shoulders,

00:05:02but within seconds he had collapsed onto the coffin and was sobbing uncontrollably.

00:05:08Turns out Jeff's mom passed away a couple of years ago

00:05:11after being hit by a drunk driver,

00:05:13so for the second time in two years,

00:05:15Jeff's dad had someone he loved taken from him,

00:05:18with absolutely no warning at all.

00:05:21The whole scene had me flashing for half a second

00:05:23at what my dad would have done if I had somehow died after my mom did.

00:05:28It wouldn't have been the same, of course.

00:05:31Not least of all because Barbara Morgan, nay, Hudson,

00:05:35died of cancer, so my dad had time to accept that it was coming, but still.

00:05:41I wonder if I had died in Iraq or Afghanistan

00:05:44and my body had been flown over for the funeral,

00:05:47would he have gotten all busted up over it?

00:05:50Would he have even shown up to the service?

00:05:53Would he have even known it had happened?

00:05:56But then I quickly remembered,

00:05:59fuck it, doesn't matter, not about me.

00:06:03The person to go and comfort Jeff's dad was Brandon.

00:06:06New guy Brandon.

00:06:08Creepy, never says nothing to nobody Brandon.

00:06:12Brandon who ran into a burning building to try to save Jeff

00:06:16and carried his limp, lifeless body out of the jaws of hell.

00:06:21Which is the only reason that Jeff is even inside that pine box

00:06:24and not pulverized and burned to a crisp

00:06:26inside the wreckage of a torched strip club.

00:06:30We couldn't hear what Brandon was saying,

00:06:32so I waved his arms around Jeff's pop and whispered in his ear

00:06:34until eventually the poor guy calmed down and Brandon let him away.

00:06:38I swear to God I want to figure out what Brandon's story is,

00:06:41because it's got to be fucking fascinating.

00:06:44Anyway, seeing Jeff's dad lose it the way he did put Maddie over the edge.

00:06:49She moved around behind me sobbing into my back

00:06:52all over Evan's custom made suit

00:06:55and I did my best not to let her feel how much I was crying too.

00:06:59So that was a fun day.

00:07:01Today we're in my car headed to Raven's house for Pete's wake.

00:07:05Maddie's fidgeting in the passenger seat chewing her nails.

00:07:09Is it fucked up to say that she looks beautiful and sexy in her black dress

00:07:12that cinches tight at the waist and showcases her fabulous tits?

00:07:16Or that the tool or whatever it's called at the bottom

00:07:19causes me to imagine what it would be like

00:07:21to pull the car over to the side of the road,

00:07:23open the passenger door, lift all the poofy fabric over my head

00:07:27and eat out her glorious pussy?

00:07:29Rhetorical question. Of course it's fucked up.

00:07:31We're going to a goddamn wake.

00:07:33But I feel like if Pete knew that this was what I was thinking

00:07:36he'd give me the thumbs up and tell me to go for it.

00:07:39No, says Maddie out of nowhere.

00:07:42No what, I reply, still thinking about pussy eating.

00:07:46You're thinking about eating my pussy, not now, okay?

00:07:49We're going to a wake.

00:07:51How the fuck did she know?

00:07:53How the fuck did you know, I start before she cuts me off,

00:07:56because you're staring at my lap kind of swirling your tongue around.

00:07:59Jesus, really? I was?

00:08:03Hey, she says, I'm flattered and honestly I'd love you to go down on me.

00:08:08I start to veer the car off to the side of the road,

00:08:11but she puts her hand on the steering wheel

00:08:14and directs us back into the flow of traffic.

00:08:16We're going to a wake.

00:08:19She really emphasizes the word, and

00:08:24she starts, but then stops herself.

00:08:27And what, I ask her, noticing a little furrow in her brow.

00:08:32I have a lot of shit on my mind.

00:08:37I nod. I don't have to ask.

00:08:41I know what she's talking about.

00:08:43Carlos Castillo, the money she owes him.

00:08:47The fact that he and his dipshit nephew, Logan

00:08:52Huh. I should find out Logan's last name.

00:08:56The more you know about a douchebag,

00:08:58the better you're shot at wielding some power over him, anyway.

00:09:01She's thinking about the fact that both Jeff and Pete are dead

00:09:04because of the debt she owes Carlos.

00:09:07It's not her fault, of course.

00:09:09On some deep level she's aware of that, but she still feels guilty.

00:09:13Shit. How could she not?

00:09:17I tell her.

00:09:19I've told you I will...

00:09:21I stop myself and autocorrect.

00:09:24We will pay that dicksucker back, okay?

00:09:28And then you'll be clear, and then

00:09:30fuck that, she says decisively.

00:09:33I'm not giving that asshole one penny of my money.

00:09:37Technically it's my money, I think,

00:09:40but wisely avoid saying out loud.

00:09:43But I do owe him.

00:09:46Never fucking ever, she says,

00:09:49staring out the window still biting at her nails.

00:09:53Which concerns me just a tad.

00:09:56She's been saying stuff like that since the fire.

00:09:59I've made the choice not to question her too much about it, but

00:10:02I'm getting a little worried that her hinges might have gotten

00:10:05knocked a bit loose with everything that happened,

00:10:07and that she might actually be considering doing something like,

00:10:10oh, I don't know,

00:10:12murdering a Mexican drug lord.

00:10:15But hey, I get the impulse, I want to kill the fucker too.

00:10:18But to me, actually doing it seems ill-advised.

00:10:22Hey, I say reaching over and patting her knee,

00:10:25which gets me hard, and which I've just accepted is

00:10:28what's going to happen every time I'm near her for the rest of my life,

00:10:31and I've made my peace with it.

00:10:33It's all going to be okay.

00:10:35Okay? I promise.

00:10:37One way or another we're going to handle this Carlos thing.

00:10:41She keeps staring out the window.

00:10:44Okay?

00:10:46Maddie?

00:10:47Madison?

00:10:49Mads?

00:10:51Angel?

00:10:53Mm-hmm.

00:10:55She mumbles, still biting her nails.

00:10:58Shit.

00:11:00I really thought I was done helping kill people.

00:11:06Raven's house is nice.

00:11:08I don't know what I expected, but

00:11:10it's just totally suburban and basic and kind of sweet,

00:11:13tucked away in a cul-de-sac that's all decorated with holiday lights,

00:11:16looking kind of like a Courier and I's Christmas postcard.

00:11:20If Courier and I's had made postcards set in the desert

00:11:23with cacti and iguanas instead of pine trees and horses and shit.

00:11:28We stride up the walkway, Maddie in front of me,

00:11:31her ass swaying along with her skirt,

00:11:33causing me to hold the flowers I'm carrying in front of my junk

00:11:36so that when she opens the door,

00:11:38the first thing Raven's greeted by won't be me

00:11:41and my big ol' pal Chucky Stiff.

00:11:44I used to call it Johnny Butch, but Chucky Stiff sounds funnier.

00:11:48We reach the door and Maddie rings the bell.

00:11:51It gives one of those cathedral-like chimes,

00:11:53which is a very Vegas thing for a doorbell to do.

00:11:56I love it.

00:11:57The door swings open and Raven is there.

00:12:00Not unrecognizable per se, but

00:12:03certainly more like someone masquerading as Raven

00:12:06and less like Raven herself.

00:12:09She's wearing a dark blouse and black silk trousers

00:12:12with what look like closed-toe black shoes.

00:12:16The blouse has a high, ruffled collar

00:12:18and one of those silky cravat-slash-bow things

00:12:21that society chicks will occasionally wear.

00:12:24I got invited by terrible accident to a party in the Hamptons once

00:12:28and there were a couple of older broads wearing that kind of shit.

00:12:31What's surprising about seeing it on Raven

00:12:33is that it doesn't look out of place at all.

00:12:35It looks right at home on her.

00:12:37And suddenly the idea that she works

00:12:40worked

00:12:41in a strip club

00:12:42is actually what feels weird.

00:12:45Maddie, she says,

00:12:47and gives Maddie a hug,

00:12:48which seems to take Maddie by surprise.

00:12:50She lets her arms dangle for a second

00:12:52before she realizes herself and hugs Raven back.

00:12:55After a long moment, they release their embrace

00:12:58and she waves us inside.

00:13:00When she takes the flowers from me,

00:13:02she gives me a hug too,

00:13:04which I was definitely not expecting

00:13:06and I kind of shift to the side

00:13:08so that I don't poker with my man Chucky.

00:13:10The house is pretty full of people milling around,

00:13:13mostly girls I recognize from the club.

00:13:16I got kind of familiar with the regular dancers

00:13:18while I was sitting around on stakeout

00:13:20so I see faces I recognize

00:13:21even if the non-wigged hair

00:13:23and the pasties-free tits

00:13:25force me to take a second to remember the names.

00:13:28I nod at Monet and Roxy

00:13:31and the delightfully monikered Cessna

00:13:34as Raven brings us into the living room.

00:13:37She takes a seat on the sofa,

00:13:38Maddie sits beside her,

00:13:39and I plop myself in a chair facing them

00:13:41on the other side of the glass-top coffee table.

00:13:44You guys want any food or anything?

00:13:46She asks us.

00:13:48We both decline politely

00:13:49and then Maddie asks,

00:13:51How you doing?

00:13:53It takes her a second to answer,

00:13:54like she's debating the response.

00:13:57Then,

00:13:59Um...

00:14:00Pretty fucking shitty.

00:14:02How about you?

00:14:04The same,

00:14:05Maddie says with a smile.

00:14:07Then Raven smiles too,

00:14:09and then I smile,

00:14:10even though I don't really want to,

00:14:11but I'm trying to be a good boyfriend.

00:14:13Which, over the last couple of days,

00:14:15I've decided,

00:14:16is what I am.

00:14:18I've never actually been anyone's boyfriend before,

00:14:20but I mean,

00:14:21once you put on suits

00:14:22and go to funerals and shit with a person

00:14:24and hold them while they cry

00:14:26and listen to them as they pace around their living room

00:14:28muttering about maybe killing people,

00:14:30I don't know.

00:14:32That sounds like some boyfriend shit to me.

00:14:35Do they know what happened yet, exactly?

00:14:37Raven's asking me.

00:14:39And Maddie's looking at me too.

00:14:42Oh, uh...

00:14:44Yeah, I'm not really sure, to be honest.

00:14:46They're still waiting on the inspection report,

00:14:48and you know, this shit takes time, so...

00:14:51It's not a total lie.

00:14:53Yeah, she says.

00:14:56And then, looking back to Maddie.

00:14:59Can I ask you a question?

00:15:01Sure, of course, Maddie says.

00:15:04What exactly is your story with Carlos Castillo?

00:15:08I don't know why it feels like we just crested

00:15:10the first major drop on a roller coaster,

00:15:13but it does.

00:15:15Um...

00:15:17What do you mean?

00:15:18asks Maddie.

00:15:20How did you come to fall in with him

00:15:21on whatever it is that you're in with him on?

00:15:24Uh...

00:15:26Maddie looks at me.

00:15:28I look back at her with a very helpful

00:15:30fuck-are-you-looking-at-me-for expression.

00:15:32Nice job, Ty.

00:15:34Maddie goes on.

00:15:36He...

00:15:37I mean, I was trying my hand

00:15:39at running a wedding planning business,

00:15:41and he just, like, found me.

00:15:44Maddie gives her the whole story.

00:15:46How she planned the wedding for his skank daughter.

00:15:49I've actually never met the daughter.

00:15:50She might be a lovely person,

00:15:51but her dad has totally fucked Maddie's life

00:15:53so I'm being petty.

00:15:55And how she went off and got pregnant

00:15:56with some other dude's baby,

00:15:57and how Maddie had already spent

00:15:58most of the preposterous 200 grand

00:16:00he gave her for wedding shit,

00:16:02and how he's being irresponsible

00:16:03and irrational about getting it back.

00:16:06Maddie tells the whole story unemotionally,

00:16:09being careful to omit anything

00:16:10that might let Raven know

00:16:12that it's Carlos who killed Pete

00:16:13and burned down the club.

00:16:15Raven sits and listens,

00:16:16barely blinking the whole time.

00:16:19Once Maddie finishes, Raven asks,

00:16:21The money.

00:16:23When did he start demanding it?

00:16:25What do you mean?

00:16:27Maddie asks.

00:16:28I mean, did he lean into you

00:16:29the way he has been

00:16:30before you started working for Pete,

00:16:32or after?

00:16:34Maddie thinks for a second.

00:16:36I dunno, um...

00:16:39Like sending that dickhead Logan

00:16:40to find you and all that noise.

00:16:42When did that start?

00:16:43Was it after you started dancing?

00:16:45Or had you seen him before?

00:16:47Again, Maddie considers this.

00:16:50I... I mean...

00:16:52I don't necessarily remember the timeline,

00:16:54but I guess I don't remember meeting Logan

00:16:56until after I started dancing at Pete's.

00:16:59The night you flashed him your pussy,

00:17:00was that the first time you saw him?

00:17:02The night you did what to who, I ask,

00:17:04which seems reasonable.

00:17:06Doesn't matter, Maddie says.

00:17:08I disagree, but there's clearly

00:17:10other shit at work here,

00:17:11so I will choose to table it for later.

00:17:14What's the deal?

00:17:15Maddie goes on.

00:17:17Pete said a bunch of stuff to me

00:17:18about Carlos too,

00:17:19like he knows him, knew him.

00:17:21I mean...

00:17:22What's going on?

00:17:24Raven sighs.

00:17:26It makes the bow and ruffles rise and fall

00:17:28with her breathing chest.

00:17:30And just like the night she approached me

00:17:32in the parking lot of the club,

00:17:33she looks younger and softer somehow.

00:17:36It makes me sad,

00:17:38for a reason I can't quantify.

00:17:40So...

00:17:42She begins.

00:17:44Pete had a wife.

00:17:46Carolina.

00:17:48Is she the one he kept in his office?

00:17:50I ask.

00:17:51What?

00:17:52Responds Maddie.

00:17:53I shake my head at her.

00:17:54I don't want to get off track right now.

00:17:56Besides, my dear,

00:17:57two can play the Pete's secrets game.

00:18:01Yes, says Raven.

00:18:02That's her.

00:18:04She passed away a few years ago.

00:18:06Pete loved her more than...

00:18:08Well, hell.

00:18:11The club?

00:18:12That was her idea.

00:18:13Really?

00:18:14Asks Maddie.

00:18:16Running a strip club was his wife's idea?

00:18:18Yep.

00:18:19She was a dancer herself back in the 70s,

00:18:21and she experienced some pretty rough treatment,

00:18:23I guess,

00:18:24which is par for the course.

00:18:25But it doesn't have to be.

00:18:27She wanted to have a place where girls could work

00:18:29and not be exploited and not be judged

00:18:31and not deal with all the garbage

00:18:32that girls have to deal with.

00:18:34I mean, let's not over-inflate it.

00:18:36We gotta be real.

00:18:37She was opening a strip joint,

00:18:38not a convent, but still.

00:18:40If you ask me to pick a moment

00:18:42when I decided that I thought Raven was awesome,

00:18:44I might have to put this one high on the list

00:18:46as a contender.

00:18:48Okay, says Maddie.

00:18:50So, what...

00:18:52Carolina was Mexican.

00:18:53She lived in Mexico,

00:18:54and that club she was dancing in was owned

00:18:56by a young Mexican guy

00:18:58who was just starting to make a name for himself

00:19:00in the entertainment, tequila,

00:19:02and drug-running business.

00:19:06You...

00:19:07are...

00:19:08fucking...

00:19:09kidding me,

00:19:10says Maddie.

00:19:11Or it might be me who says it.

00:19:13Either way, it's the right reaction

00:19:15for both of us to have.

00:19:17I am not fucking kidding you,

00:19:18says Raven.

00:19:20And more importantly,

00:19:21he kind of fell in love with Carolina,

00:19:22and he tried everything he could

00:19:24to make her love him back

00:19:25and blah blah blah.

00:19:26Just a plain old sappy story

00:19:28of unrequited love, honestly.

00:19:30This shit is blowing my mind.

00:19:34And Pete, I ask.

00:19:36Pete was a recently discharged war vet

00:19:38who was down in Mexico doing

00:19:40whatever guys do

00:19:41when they come back from war.

00:19:43She tilts her head at me

00:19:44like it's a secret code or some shit.

00:19:46I just wave my hand at her to continue.

00:19:49And you know,

00:19:50it's not real complicated after that.

00:19:52Pete and Carolina fell in love.

00:19:53He and Carlos had a lot of bad blood between them.

00:19:55Pete got her the fuck out of Mexico.

00:19:57They settled in Vegas,

00:19:58built a strip club,

00:19:59and lived happily ever after.

00:20:01I start to point out

00:20:02that Raven already knows.

00:20:04Yeah, she says.

00:20:06That is, until Carolina died

00:20:08and then Carlos found you,

00:20:10she points at Maddie.

00:20:12Totally coincidentally, I suppose,

00:20:14working at the goddamn symbol

00:20:16of his one-time heartbreak and failure

00:20:19for probably the one guy

00:20:20he ever met in his life

00:20:21who he couldn't intimidate

00:20:22or bend to his will.

00:20:24And somehow,

00:20:25when Carlos warped fuckin' mind,

00:20:27he saw this as a chance

00:20:28to get even somehow, I suppose.

00:20:30And so he tried to fuckin' win you instead.

00:20:33And when he couldn't do that,

00:20:35he burned down Pete's with Pete inside.

00:20:39I hate it when I know

00:20:41I have a dopey, slack-jawed look on my face

00:20:44but can't stop it.

00:20:46Okay, thanks, Raven says to me.

00:20:49I was just taking a shot,

00:20:50but you confirmed it for me

00:20:51with the dumbfounded mug you're wearing there.

00:20:54I snap my mouth shut.

00:20:56Then open it to ask,

00:20:58But how...

00:20:59Dude, I've been around a long time.

00:21:01I've seen shit.

00:21:02And all the shit with that fucker Logan.

00:21:04I knew it was only a matter of time

00:21:06before it all went pear-shaped.

00:21:08Especially after I saw you,

00:21:10she points at Maddie again,

00:21:12show back up after he made off

00:21:14in his car with you on Halloween.

00:21:17What?

00:21:18What do you mean?

00:21:19asks Maddie.

00:21:21Sweetie, no offense,

00:21:23but if Carlos wanted your money,

00:21:25you dead or you,

00:21:26he'd have it.

00:21:28He was just fucking with you

00:21:29to torture Pete is my guess.

00:21:32But that doesn't...

00:21:33What?

00:21:34Raven asks.

00:21:35Makes sense?

00:21:36Babe, Carlos is a lot of things

00:21:38and one of them is crazy,

00:21:39with a capital Cray.

00:21:41You know he won't get on an airplane,

00:21:43don't you?

00:21:44And then she gets solemn suddenly.

00:21:48But I never thought...

00:21:50And goes silent.

00:21:52As do we all.

00:21:55This is a lot to take in.

00:21:57Even with all the surreal shit

00:21:59that calls itself life

00:22:01swirling around me lately,

00:22:03this is a bridge farther

00:22:04than I can imagine having to walk.

00:22:07Carlos was using Maddie to torture Pete?

00:22:10Because of a girl?

00:22:12From like over 40 years ago?

00:22:15Know what?

00:22:17When I stop to think about

00:22:18losing Maddie to some other asshole,

00:22:20it doesn't seem so nuts.

00:22:22The way I feel about her,

00:22:23I'd spend the rest of my life

00:22:24trying to make that other guy suffer.

00:22:27He's not even real.

00:22:28He's just a figment

00:22:29of my very immediate imagination

00:22:31and I'm already thinking of ways

00:22:32to make his life miserable, so...

00:22:34In that regard, I get it.

00:22:37What are you gonna do?

00:22:38Maddie asks Raven thoughtfully.

00:22:41Me?

00:22:42Oh, I mean, I'll, you know, rebuild.

00:22:45Rebuild what?

00:22:46Pete's?

00:22:47Maddie asks.

00:22:48Of course!

00:22:49What else am I gonna do?

00:22:51She smiles.

00:22:53But there's not gonna be a place for you, I'm afraid.

00:22:56Maddie smiles back.

00:22:58Good.

00:23:00You know why I busted your ball so hard, don't you?

00:23:03Raven asks her.

00:23:05Yeah.

00:23:06Says Maddie.

00:23:08I do now.

00:23:10Good.

00:23:11Raven says.

00:23:12And they take each other's hands.

00:23:15I don't know.

00:23:16I honestly have no idea

00:23:17what the fuck is going on.

00:23:19This is some straight up girl shit happening,

00:23:21not my place to ask.

00:23:23Is it fucked up that seeing them both dressed in black

00:23:25and holding hands gets me hot?

00:23:27Again, rhetorical, of course it is.

00:23:30Then Maddie asks.

00:23:32Raven, how did you come to...

00:23:34Raven shushes her.

00:23:36That's a whole other story for a whole other time,

00:23:39she says.

00:23:41Maddie sniffs and laughs.

00:23:43Okay, she says.

00:23:45But...

00:23:46She goes on.

00:23:48Can I ask you one thing, though?

00:23:50For real?

00:23:51Sure.

00:23:52Says Raven.

00:23:54What's your real name?

00:23:56The question hits me in the gut.

00:23:59I don't even know if she's aware of it,

00:24:01but that's the exact question she asked me in my kitchen on Halloween.

00:24:05The night we found out who we are.

00:24:07Both to each other and to ourselves.

00:24:11The night she went off and got into a car with Carlos Castillo.

00:24:14The night that everything irrevocably changed forever.

00:24:18In both wonderful and terrible ways.

00:24:22An unsettling smile unfurls slowly along Raven's lips.

00:24:28She regards Maddie, looks over at me,

00:24:31and then looks back at Maddie again.

00:24:34And it reminds me of the last time we saw Pete in his office

00:24:37and how he did the same thing.

00:24:39The weird deja vu I feel at this concurrence of events

00:24:42is both bittersweet and ominous.

00:24:45I've got a sinking feeling that she's going to say,

00:24:48Carolina Flanagan.

00:24:50Or something equally unnerving and disquieting

00:24:53that pastes yet another layer of complexity

00:24:55onto this already far too complicated story that keeps unfolding for us.

00:25:00Shit.

00:25:01She might just say,

00:25:03My name's Tyler Morgan.

00:25:05And send me spiraling off into the twilight zone for good,

00:25:08never to return.

00:25:10I brace for who the hell knows what.

00:25:13And after a few profound filled beats,

00:25:18her grin grows even wider and she says,

00:25:22It's just Raven.

00:25:32After story time is over we mingle a little.

00:25:35Raven moves quietly into and between the small groups of people

00:25:39talking in hushed voices.

00:25:42She touches them all,

00:25:43a gentle hand on the arm or shoulder,

00:25:46a small smile.

00:25:48She brushes a piece of hair away from Raquel's face

00:25:51and it drags a tear along her cheek,

00:25:54which smudges her makeup and leaves a trail of evidence.

00:25:58Raquel cries softly,

00:26:00her uncertain eyes darting anywhere,

00:26:03everywhere,

00:26:04but directly at Raven.

00:26:07Like she's embarrassed.

00:26:09Raven comforts her,

00:26:11refuses to walk away until they are face to face,

00:26:14and Raquel is nodding her head

00:26:16and looking her in the eyes

00:26:18and using the tissue handed to her to dab at her cheeks.

00:26:22They hold hands the way girls hold hands,

00:26:25all ten fingertips fitting into other fingertips like a puzzle.

00:26:30And for some reason it reminds me of Girl Scouts,

00:26:33when you made a pledge to your troop buddy.

00:26:36You held her hands that way

00:26:38and you swung your arms a little like it was a game

00:26:41and chanted something simple and pretty

00:26:43about promises and friendship to her.

00:26:46I watch from across the room,

00:26:48mesmerized.

00:26:50I know every woman here,

00:26:52which is surprising, I guess,

00:26:55but not.

00:26:56Kind of like everything else about this day.

00:26:59I mean,

00:27:00I was the morning manager at Pete's,

00:27:03only for a few weeks,

00:27:04but basically Pete's was my life.

00:27:07It was really the only thing I had.

00:27:09Yeah, Tyler was there,

00:27:11but he was something to be avoided,

00:27:13and Pete's was where I went to avoid him,

00:27:15where I went to avoid the past,

00:27:17and the present,

00:27:19and probably the future too, if I'm being honest.

00:27:22Pete's gave me direction.

00:27:24Pete's gave me purpose.

00:27:26Pete's was a place I could count on.

00:27:29And now there's no place for me there.

00:27:32Words straight out of Raven's mouth.

00:27:35I'm not sad about retiring as a stripper.

00:27:37That would be dumb.

00:27:39But I lost something more than I can quantify in that fire.

00:27:43More than a sense of purpose.

00:27:45I lost,

00:27:46I don't know,

00:27:47something akin to family,

00:27:49but not.

00:27:50Because family is just something you have or don't.

00:27:54And the people at Pete's are...

00:27:56friends.

00:27:57I had Annie,

00:27:59but I never put a lot of effort into Annie.

00:28:01Same for Caroline and Diane.

00:28:03They were just there.

00:28:05I never felt needed by them.

00:28:07I paid my rent,

00:28:08we sometimes ate and drank together,

00:28:10we tanned out by the pool and pretended we were living the dream.

00:28:14But that wasn't real.

00:28:16This, these people,

00:28:18these women who take off their clothes every night

00:28:20and pretend to love their jobs for the sake of their sanity,

00:28:23this is reality.

00:28:25Cold, hard truth.

00:28:28I love them all in some weird way I've never felt before.

00:28:32Which is curious.

00:28:34That this room,

00:28:35filled with dozens of women just as messed up as I am,

00:28:38is what really matters to me these days.

00:28:41Their daycare bills,

00:28:43their boyfriend problems,

00:28:45the past they're all running from.

00:28:47It matters to me.

00:28:49And I wonder if I'll be letting them down when I'm not in their life anymore.

00:28:54Will they miss me the way I'll miss them?

00:28:57Who will settle shoe disputes?

00:28:59Who will put them on the schedule?

00:29:01Who will listen with a sympathetic ear

00:29:03when they have to beg for more stage time so they can make the rent?

00:29:07Clearly, there will be someone.

00:29:10Right?

00:29:11Raven will be there.

00:29:13Maybe I'm just worried that they won't miss me.

00:29:16They don't need me.

00:29:17Never did need me.

00:29:18I'm just another person in their life

00:29:21with a little bit of power to make it easier,

00:29:23and none of it was about family or friendship or...

00:29:27meds,

00:29:28Tyler says,

00:29:29placing his hand on my elbow to direct me over to the kitchen island

00:29:33where there's drinks and food laid out.

00:29:36You should eat something.

00:29:37Want some crackers?

00:29:39I look up at him through a blurry haze and realize I'm crying.

00:29:43And even though there's a lot of reasons to cry right now,

00:29:46I don't even know why I'm crying.

00:29:49Is it Pete?

00:29:51Sure, it's Pete.

00:29:53Is it Carolina?

00:29:54Yeah, I think so.

00:29:56Is it Raven?

00:29:58Who isn't the person I thought she was?

00:30:01That too.

00:30:02It's all of it.

00:30:04It's Carlos and Logan and Ricky and the Mexican compound and the debt

00:30:09and the drone and my parents and Scotty and Jeff

00:30:12and the funeral and the wake

00:30:14and how the past is so fucked up

00:30:16and the present looks pretty bad too.

00:30:18And the future?

00:30:20Jesus fucking Christ, what future?

00:30:23Here, Tyler says, handing me a cracker.

00:30:27There's some fancy topping on it.

00:30:29Chopped up cucumbers and mayonnaise with sprinkles of paprika.

00:30:33I eat it because that's just what you do with a cracker.

00:30:37And it's delicious.

00:30:39Did I ever doubt Raven would serve anything but delicious finger food at Pete's wake?

00:30:45Matt, Tyler says, bending down a little to look me in the eyes.

00:30:50Are you okay?

00:30:52I nod my head, sniffling as I wipe away the tears.

00:30:56No fucks to give about the makeup I just smeared across my cheeks.

00:31:00But in my head I say, no, I'm not okay.

00:31:05Not yet.

00:31:06But I will be.

00:31:08I'm not entirely sure what I mean by that.

00:31:11I have an idea, but it's vague.

00:31:14It involves a lot of anger and hate and violence.

00:31:17Maddie, Tyler says, trying again.

00:31:20Because clearly I am not okay.

00:31:24And that stupid nod wasn't enough to convince him.

00:31:27Can't get anything past Tyler Morgan.

00:31:30Should we leave?

00:31:32Leave?

00:31:33I almost laugh.

00:31:35I don't ever want to leave.

00:31:37I want to stay here forever.

00:31:39He nods back at me, slowly like a hostage negotiator dealing with unreasonable demands.

00:31:45He opens his mouth to say something back,

00:31:48but he's interrupted by silverware clanging on crystal.

00:31:52We redirect our attention from each other to Raven,

00:31:55who is standing in front of her fireplace, glass and spoon in hand,

00:31:59like she's gonna give a speech.

00:32:01Which she does.

00:32:03And soon every woman in the room is crying.

00:32:06Because Pete was one of the good ones, and we all knew it.

00:32:09Felt it, at least.

00:32:11And now he's gone, and our lives have been upturned, sure.

00:32:15But we're not lamenting the loss of our jobs, not really.

00:32:19Because Pete's was more than a job,

00:32:21and we all knew that, too.

00:32:23Raven doesn't elaborate on her plans for rebuilding,

00:32:27or talk about Carlos or Logan or anything like that.

00:32:31It's just the good stuff.

00:32:33Everyone takes a turn telling a story about Pete.

00:32:36We collectively stop crying and start smiling.

00:32:40Some of the stories even make us laugh.

00:32:42Leave it to Raven to fix an entire room of lost women in under ten minutes.

00:32:48I think that might be her superpower.

00:32:51Soon, everyone has told a story but me.

00:32:55And even though they all know I didn't tell one,

00:32:57they don't look at me expectantly.

00:32:59There's no uncomfortable silence.

00:33:01It's like...

00:33:03It's like they understand I can't do it right now.

00:33:06Even though every single one of them managed,

00:33:08I'm not able to manage.

00:33:10The crowd breaks up after that.

00:33:12A few people leave.

00:33:14Tyler and I stand there, silent.

00:33:16So many things to say.

00:33:18Unable to say them.

00:33:20And finally, he takes my arm at the elbow again and says,

00:33:23Let's say goodbye.

00:33:25As he leads me over to Raven.

00:33:27I hug her tighter than I probably should,

00:33:30unable to say what I want to say.

00:33:32But the squeezing makes her understand.

00:33:35She pulls away and smiles.

00:33:37It's the smile of a champion, I realize.

00:33:40A winner.

00:33:41Someone who knows things,

00:33:43has been through things,

00:33:44understands things.

00:33:47Call me, okay?

00:33:48You've got my number.

00:33:50I nod, dumbly.

00:33:52I didn't, before the fire.

00:33:54I mean...

00:33:55But I do now.

00:33:57Because she's been texting me the past few days.

00:34:00Checking up on me, maybe?

00:34:02Which makes me start to cry again.

00:34:04It's okay, she says, wiping that tear from my face.

00:34:08It's gonna be okay.

00:34:10Tyler says a few words to her.

00:34:12Thank yous and stuff like that.

00:34:14And then he leads me out of her house and down the street to where we parked.

00:34:18He opens my door, waits for me to get in,

00:34:21then closes it softly and walks around to the driver's side.

00:34:25In those few moments, something changes.

00:34:28The devil pops up on my shoulder and I think it's just...

00:34:32his presence.

00:34:34Knowing he's still with me.

00:34:36I think that's what changes.

00:34:39We good?

00:34:40He asks.

00:34:41Yep, we good.

00:34:44The driver's side door closing makes devil disappear

00:34:47and I take a deep, deep breath as Tyler starts the engine.

00:34:52So, Tyler says, pulling away from the curb.

00:34:56So, this is how it's gonna go, I say.

00:35:00What?

00:35:01Tyler glances at me as he turns right onto a main street.

00:35:05We're gonna kill that motherfucker.

00:35:07What?

00:35:08What?

00:35:09I mean, he deserves so much worse than death,

00:35:12but I'm just not sure I have it in me to torture a man.

00:35:15But if that moment comes,

00:35:17you know, when we've got him,

00:35:19and he's begging for his life,

00:35:21I might.

00:35:22Yeah.

00:35:23I say almost talking to myself,

00:35:26I might be able to, like,

00:35:28pull his fingernails off with a pair of needle-nose pliers, you know?

00:35:32So, we won't rule it out.

00:35:34Maddie, we're not killing Carlos.

00:35:37Tyler says this like it's normal to consider it,

00:35:40which I take as a good sign.

00:35:42Not Carlos, Ty.

00:35:44Logan.

00:35:46Carlos.

00:35:47I haven't decided what I want to do with him yet.

00:35:50I mean, there's so many options.

00:35:52And the devil has my back,

00:35:53so I'm pretty sure he's gonna come up with something pretty cool.

00:35:57Tyler huffs out something that might be a laugh,

00:36:00but might not.

00:36:01Might be one of those noises one makes

00:36:03when the person riding in the car next to them has gone off the edge,

00:36:06and they have no good comeback for the insanity she's spewing.

00:36:11But I don't mind.

00:36:12Or take it personally.

00:36:14Because Tyler hasn't really seen me yet.

00:36:17I'm sure on some level he still thinks I'm that innocent teenager

00:36:20he left behind when he went off to war.

00:36:23He still thinks I'm good, and pure, and sweet.

00:36:27Even though he should know better.

00:36:29Because I'm not.

00:36:31I haven't been that girl for a very long time.

00:36:34Even though I've been holding on to that image of myself for years,

00:36:37it's gone.

00:36:39In fact, I'm not sure I was ever the girl next door.

00:36:42I was never the angel.

00:36:45But it's not his fault he doesn't know.

00:36:47I've come to understand that I hide it well, you know?

00:36:50I'm just really good at that.

00:36:53His moment of reflective silence gives me an opportunity to elaborate.

00:36:58Look, I say, turning in the seat to see him better.

00:37:02My tears are gone.

00:37:04I'm sure I look a mess, but the sadness stayed behind at Raven's house.

00:37:08I'm a different person right now.

00:37:11I'm not going to say something stupid like this is all my fault.

00:37:14It's not.

00:37:15And I'm not going to try to sell you on the idea that this is just about Pete either.

00:37:19Or Jeff, or Scotty.

00:37:22Tyler raises one eyebrow at me.

00:37:24It's not.

00:37:26This is called payback, Tyler.

00:37:29I kind of see the word.

00:37:31It comes off angry because it is.

00:37:33Tyler sighs.

00:37:35No, this was about Pete and Carlos Muddy, not you.

00:37:40Bullshit, I say.

00:37:42Carlos found me online.

00:37:44How?

00:37:45What do you mean?

00:37:47He has a computer?

00:37:48He knows how to use Google?

00:37:49No!

00:37:50I say louder than I should.

00:37:52No.

00:37:53Look, Raven's story about the bad blood between Pete and Carlos?

00:37:57That's the whole point.

00:37:58Carlos found me, Tyler.

00:38:01First.

00:38:02I didn't take the job at Pete's until after the wedding stuff went sideways.

00:38:06Okay.

00:38:07So...

00:38:09That doesn't...

00:38:10You're not making any sense.

00:38:11You don't get it.

00:38:12Listen.

00:38:13I was at the drone store.

00:38:15Tyler's laugh is so loud it startles me.

00:38:18Drone store?

00:38:20The good old drone-porium?

00:38:23Fine.

00:38:24I was at a warehouse.

00:38:25But whatever.

00:38:26Warehouse.

00:38:27Drone store.

00:38:28Same thing.

00:38:29Uh-huh.

00:38:30And who runs this drone store?

00:38:32I think back, trying to remember the guy's name.

00:38:35Slade?

00:38:36I say.

00:38:37Slate?

00:38:38Slayer?

00:38:39I'm not really sure.

00:38:40Something like that.

00:38:41He was one of those mumblers, you know?

00:38:43Kinda slow with a drawl.

00:38:45Not Southern, but...

00:38:47Redneck, maybe?

00:38:49Okay.

00:38:50He sighs.

00:38:51So you're buying a drone for this real estate stuff?

00:38:54No.

00:38:55For the wedding planner class I took.

00:38:56That's the point.

00:38:58I say it like,

00:38:59Duh.

00:39:00He shakes his head,

00:39:01like he's trying to wrap his mind around my totally logical explanation.

00:39:06Wait.

00:39:07No, what?

00:39:09No, I thought you bought it for real estate.

00:39:11No.

00:39:12I started thinking about it for the wedding stuff.

00:39:15But then that went South with Carlos and shit,

00:39:18and then later I thought I'd do something cool for tourists on the strip, right?

00:39:22Like chronicle their crazy drunken adventures.

00:39:25But the drone laws are pretty strict, okay?

00:39:27So that wasn't a good idea.

00:39:29And I was just randomly wasting time one day

00:39:31looking for my dream house on Zillow and...

00:39:33Voila!

00:39:34Real estate was the answer.

00:39:36He pulls the car over by the curb,

00:39:38stops,

00:39:39pulls up on the e-brake.

00:39:41He blinks at me.

00:39:42Three times.

00:39:43Slowly.

00:39:44Like this makes no sense even though it does.

00:39:47Okay.

00:39:48I'm sorry.

00:39:49I think maybe I need to focus.

00:39:51So let me get this straight.

00:39:53You took a wedding planner class

00:39:55which gave you the idea for a drone to make videos of weddings.

00:39:59Yes.

00:40:00And then you went to find a drone at a drone warehouse

00:40:03where some hillbilly called Slayer was running the joint.

00:40:06Well, it might have been Slate or Slade, but...

00:40:09Yes.

00:40:10Super.

00:40:11Then you bought a drone and...

00:40:13No!

00:40:14That's the thing.

00:40:15I didn't have the money for a $12,000 drone back then.

00:40:18I was broke.

00:40:20I didn't get the money until after I was working for Pete.

00:40:23Tyler sighs, pinches the bridge of his nose.

00:40:27So...

00:40:28When did you buy the drone?

00:40:31After I started at Pete's.

00:40:33I just told you that...

00:40:34Jesus!

00:40:35I went and...

00:40:36Was Slate there?

00:40:37Could have been Slayer or Slade, but...

00:40:39No.

00:40:40Some other guy.

00:40:41And I told him I'd been there before

00:40:43looking at the 900XZ and I wanted it.

00:40:46Oh, and I had cash.

00:40:48Because these guys only dealt in cash.

00:40:50Tyler blinks again.

00:40:52Twice this time.

00:40:54So you bought a...

00:40:55Stolen military drone?

00:40:57It was not stolen!

00:40:59Tyler sighs, longer and louder than before.

00:41:03It wasn't stolen.

00:41:04I have a warranty, okay?

00:41:05I registered it and everything.

00:41:07These guys were legit.

00:41:09Terrific.

00:41:10So...

00:41:11Hey, I'm serious.

00:41:12I got a warranty.

00:41:13They had to register it to me before they sold it.

00:41:16It was like a big fucking deal too.

00:41:18Took them forever and they had to call a bunch of people and...

00:41:21I'm telling you it was legit.

00:41:23I am not stupid, okay?

00:41:24Okay, okay.

00:41:25Jesus.

00:41:26So fuck, I'm...

00:41:28I'm just trying to understand what this has to do with Carlos and Pete.

00:41:32It feels like I'm talking to myself.

00:41:34The first time when I went in and talked to Slater...

00:41:38Slater?

00:41:39Whoever.

00:41:40And I didn't have the money and I didn't know how I was gonna get it.

00:41:44There was a flyer for Pete's on the table.

00:41:46A flyer?

00:41:48He says.

00:41:49Yes!

00:41:50For strippers?

00:41:51Yeah!

00:41:52It was like a help wanted ad.

00:41:54Maybe not really a flyer.

00:41:55It was like a call for strippers.

00:41:57So...

00:41:58You're saying that Pete's strip club was looking for potential strippers at the drone store?

00:42:05Yes!

00:42:06That's what I'm saying!

00:42:08I push him on the shoulder.

00:42:09He's finally getting it.

00:42:11He puts his hands together like he's praying, interlocking his knuckles until they turn white.

00:42:17Okay.

00:42:18Like, seriously, I don't...

00:42:20My point is, I took the job at Pete's after the wedding thing went weird.

00:42:24That's all I'm saying.

00:42:26So Raven's story, good as it is, doesn't really add up, does it?

00:42:30I mean, I already knew Carlos when I took the job at Pete's.

00:42:34See what I'm saying?

00:42:36He takes a slow breath like he's trying not to yell or something.

00:42:40So...

00:42:41Okay.

00:42:42Let me work out what I think you're saying.

00:42:45You're saying that, like, somehow Carlos steered you to the drone store

00:42:50knowing that he was going to demand his money back for having to cancel the wedding

00:42:54but that you wouldn't be able to pay him back

00:42:56and so he planted a flyer there for Pete's

00:43:00knowing that you would then have to go become a stripper at the club of his old arch-nemesis

00:43:05and that that would eventually lead him to burn the place down?

00:43:09Is that basically what you're saying?

00:43:11Because that is basically what you're saying.

00:43:14Well, when you put it that way...

00:43:17So did you know Logan at the time?

00:43:19Where did that come from?

00:43:21Logan?

00:43:22No, I say.

00:43:24No, I don't think I saw him until the night...

00:43:27The night you flushed him your pussy, Tyler adds.

00:43:30I narrow my eyes.

00:43:32Really? You want to do this now?

00:43:34He gives me this look that says quite clearly that yes, he does indeed want to do this now.

00:43:39But he's going to be patient and leave that fight for later.

00:43:43And I'm sure he's feeling magnanimous about that very adult decision he just made

00:43:48because I'm thinking he'd be very stupid to call me out on flashing Logan right now

00:43:53because I'd go all red-headed devil on him.

00:43:55But I, like him, know when it's time to adult, so I do that.

00:44:01I'm just saying that it's all too coincidental to be a coincidence, you know?

00:44:07He looks at me like he's not so sure.

00:44:10I thought we all agreed that sometimes things just happen.

00:44:13You, me, your shitty shrink, all of us.

00:44:17We all agree that everything doesn't always have a deeper meaning.

00:44:20Yeah, well, I'm not sure that does it for me anymore, okay?

00:44:24I don't want to believe that I'm just floating along and shit happens or it doesn't

00:44:28and it's got nothing to do with me.

00:44:30I can't fucking believe that anymore. I just can't.

00:44:33He reaches across and strokes my cheek.

00:44:36I can't, I say again.

00:44:39Okay, he says. I get it.

00:44:42Look, let's just go back to your place and forget about drones and slayers

00:44:47and everything for now, okay?

00:44:50I sigh, leaning back into my seat.

00:44:53Because this has been a pretty fucked up day.

00:44:57And say, yeah, sounds good to me.

00:45:03By the time we get back to my house, it's almost dark.

00:45:07Caroline and Diane aren't home.

00:45:10Both cars are gone, so they must be at work early tonight.

00:45:14But that's okay. Just means Tyler and I can have the place to ourselves.

00:45:18When we get inside, I reach for the lights, but Tyler's hand on mine stops me.

00:45:24Leave him off, he says, pulling me into his chest.

00:45:27Let's just go straight to bed.

00:45:30I lean up on my tiptoes, kiss his mouth and whisper back.

00:45:35Sounds perfect.

00:45:37As I reach down and grab his cock.

00:45:39He's hard. When isn't he hard?

00:45:43But when I try to pull away, he doesn't let go.

00:45:46His hands come up to my face, palms on my cheeks, and he kisses me back.

00:45:51It's a long kiss. A nice kiss.

00:45:54But there are a lot of promises in that kiss, too.

00:45:57He reaches up under the tulle of my dress and rubs his hand along the inside of my thigh.

00:46:03His cool fingertips tracing the edge of my panties, making me shudder.

00:46:07I kiss him harder, needing him tonight.

00:46:11So glad he's here.

00:46:13He backs me up, pushing me in the direction of my bedroom, ready to make good on his bed idea.

00:46:20When the doorbell rings, we break apart, both of us staring at the door.

00:46:26There's a small window through which we can see the top of a head.

00:46:30Dark hair, probably male.

00:46:32Who the fuck is that? Tyler asks.

00:46:35I don't know. I say, breaking away to go see.

00:46:38But Tyler pulls me back, saying,

00:46:40Stay here, pointing a finger down at the floor, and walks over to the door and peeks out the window.

00:46:47Oh, motherfucker, he says more to himself than me.

00:46:51You've miscalculated badly if you think you're gonna start shit today.

00:46:56He pulls the door open, and I have a second to recognize other guy Ricky Ramirez on the other side of the stoop,

00:47:03just before Tyler's fist crashes into his face.

00:47:11Chapter 3. Tyler.

00:47:15As I drag him inside and slam the door, I think that I've just about had it with this whole Carlos Castillo gang of idiots.

00:47:22I immediately recognize this dummy as the same t-shirt-wearing jackass I knocked out in the alley behind Pete's.

00:47:28The one I so cleverly dubbed, T-Shirt.

00:47:31And even though he's wearing a light sweater today, I'm still gonna call him T-Shirt.

00:47:34You know, for simplicity.

00:47:36You start handing out too many nicknames, and shit gets confusing.

00:47:39Anyway.

00:47:40On the one hand, it's nice of him to ring the doorbell and stand there like a dumbass,

00:47:44allowing me to see who's there by looking through the fucking window,

00:47:48and then punch him in his stupid drug-dealing face for a second time.

00:47:52But on the other hand, it really, really bugs me that these are the dipshits we're dealing with.

00:47:58That these cock-knockers are the ones who killed Pete.

00:48:01And Jeff.

00:48:02And are threatening Maddie.

00:48:04I don't know.

00:48:05Maybe it's just ego, but I think everything would go down for me a lot smoother

00:48:09if it didn't seem like amateur night at the Apollo every time I had to confront one of these clowns.

00:48:14And right as I'm thinking this, I get a powerful reminder about the dangers of hubris.

00:48:20Because just as I'm about to tap him up again and give him a middle-of-the-day nap with a rockabye baby,

00:48:26he spins out of the way with some, like, crazy Krav Maga-looking shit,

00:48:31grabs my arm, pins it behind my back, and then slams me against the wall.

00:48:36Honestly, apart from the fact that my hard-on slamming into Sheetrock instead of into Maddie is a huge bummer,

00:48:41I'm pretty stoked.

00:48:43I may have misjudged the guy.

00:48:45And the fact that I now might have a chance to win something resembling a fair fight

00:48:48makes me feel a little less bad about the ass-kicking I'm about to hand out.

00:48:52And then, for the second time in five seconds,

00:48:56I am again taught a lesson about overconfidence.

00:48:59Because just as I'm about to push backwards,

00:49:02driving this knob-goblin across the room so that I can break free

00:49:06and see just how much pressure his windpipe can take before it snaps,

00:49:10he throws me into a chokehold and presses a Sig P-320 against my temple.

00:49:16Well, shit.

00:49:19It may be strange, but the only thought I have in this moment is,

00:49:24Eh, this'll be quick. That's a really good gun.

00:49:27I hope the blood doesn't ruin Evan's suit.

00:49:30But before he can pull the trigger, Maddie screams,

00:49:33No!

00:49:35And in return, T-Shirt says,

00:49:41Now, here's the thing.

00:49:43I like to think of myself as pretty multilingual.

00:49:46I can say hello, thank you, give me a beer, please,

00:49:49and I didn't know she was your daughter in, like, six different languages.

00:49:54But it turns out that while those phrases are more or less all you need to get by in most situations,

00:49:58they don't really help me much in the one I'm in now.

00:50:01What? I ask.

00:50:03Then I tell him, Fuck you, dude.

00:50:06What'd he say? I ask Maddie.

00:50:08She ignores me.

00:50:09What are you doing here?

00:50:11I still have two weeks for the money,

00:50:13and you've already taken a more than sufficient deposit, don't you think?

00:50:17She spits out the words, and then she actually spits at the guy.

00:50:21She's fucking awesome.

00:50:23Maddie, calm down, I'm just here to talk, he says.

00:50:27Huh.

00:50:28Either I speak more Spanish than I thought, or this dude's speaking English now.

00:50:32What the fuck do you want to talk about?

00:50:34She steps toward him.

00:50:36He spins me around, putting my body in between him and Maddie.

00:50:39She stops but doesn't take her eyes off T-Shirt.

00:50:42And I can't help but smile.

00:50:44I twist my neck to talk in his direction.

00:50:46Bro, I say.

00:50:48You need to think real hard about what your next move is,

00:50:51because if I'm still standing in ten seconds, you won't be.

00:50:55And if I'm not, then you really won't be.

00:50:59And I wink at Maddie.

00:51:01Shit, that was awesome.

00:51:03That's better than most movie dialogue.

00:51:05Maybe I should write screenplays.

00:51:07If I don't die in the next couple of minutes,

00:51:09I'm going to put some thought toward learning how to be a screenwriter.

00:51:13There's a tense beat where I think he's going to call what he believes is my bluff.

00:51:17It's not.

00:51:18She'll totally kill him if I don't.

00:51:20And blow my brains out.

00:51:22But then he wisely thinks better of it and pushes me forward toward Maddie

00:51:26while keeping the gun on both of us.

00:51:29Jesus, he says.

00:51:31Do you think if I came here to hurt anybody

00:51:33that I would have rung the goddamn doorbell?

00:51:36Yeah, I do, I say.

00:51:38From what I've seen, you guys are really bad at your job.

00:51:42I just want to talk, okay?

00:51:44I'm going to put the gun away.

00:51:46And he commences slowly lowering the gun.

00:51:50I'm just about to Conor McGregor the dude one more time

00:51:53when he asks me,

00:51:55were you special forces?

00:51:57The question grabs my attention

00:51:59and I stop calculating his demise for a second.

00:52:03It's not that I trust his actions

00:52:05or really even the question itself

00:52:07that stops me from turning his day into night.

00:52:10It's the way he asks it.

00:52:12Without an accent.

00:52:14Or at least without a Spanish one.

00:52:16Or Mexican or whatever.

00:52:19My ear is not well attuned enough to regional dialects

00:52:22to be able to discern precisely where this dude might be from

00:52:25but I likely would not have said Wisconsin.

00:52:27Which is where he sounds like he's from now.

00:52:30Or Ohio, Illinois, Idaho, wherever.

00:52:33I don't know.

00:52:34I didn't realize that my high school speech and debate coach

00:52:36would have called standard American.

00:52:38Which is dumb.

00:52:40There's no such thing as standard Americans.

00:52:42I hate generalizing.

00:52:44But then again, I was just kind of generalizing

00:52:46where T-shirt might be from just because he was speaking Spanish.

00:52:48He could be Russian and just speaking Spanish

00:52:50to throw me off for all I know.

00:52:52I have no idea.

00:52:54Rambling.

00:52:56Ty?

00:52:58Matty looks up and nudges me to bring me back to the present.

00:53:02No.

00:53:03Special forces, no.

00:53:04EOD, Navy, why?

00:53:05Fuck do you care?

00:53:07Because you punch like a ranger, he says.

00:53:10And rubbing his jaw, he gets a little smile and adds,

00:53:14It's a compliment.

00:53:16Only been knocked out twice in my life.

00:53:18Once by a ranger in Mosul

00:53:20and once in an alley behind a strip club in Vegas.

00:53:23By you.

00:53:25This whole exchange just took some unexpected turns.

00:53:30Fuck were you doing in Mosul?

00:53:32I ask him.

00:53:33Fighting ISIL?

00:53:35He says, tucking the gun away in the back of his pants

00:53:38and raising his hands in a gesture of surrender.

00:53:41Ricky?

00:53:43Says Matty, shaking her head.

00:53:45What the fuck?

00:53:47You know his name?

00:53:49I ask, confused and mildly agitated.

00:53:53He drove me back after I convinced Carlos to give me time

00:53:56to get his money instead of being his sex slave or whatever.

00:53:59What?

00:54:00What is she talking about?

00:54:02Um, I feel like there's a lot I still don't know about what's going on, I say.

00:54:06Not now, she says, waving me off.

00:54:09Okay, that's fair.

00:54:11I still haven't told her I burned my apartment down.

00:54:14I'm in no position to judge.

00:54:16His name is Ricky Ramirez, she says.

00:54:19His card says he's a distributor for Castillo Tequila,

00:54:22which means that he actually distributes Carlos' meth

00:54:25or cocaine or whatever the fuck it is.

00:54:28Ricky nods carefully and volunteers.

00:54:31Yeah, well, I also have another card, which is what I'm reaching for now.

00:54:35Okay?

00:54:37He leans over slowly, unbuttoning the side pocket of the cargo pants he's wearing.

00:54:42I take a step toward him just in case.

00:54:44So does Matty, which makes me hard again.

00:54:47Fuck! Jesus Christ, not now, Chucky!

00:54:51Sure enough, he pulls out a business card cautiously and hands it to me.

00:54:57I hold it so that Matty and I can look at it together.

00:55:00It reads,

00:55:02United States Department of Justice.

00:55:05Drug Enforcement Administration.

00:55:08I glance up at him without lifting my head.

00:55:11He nods just enough for it to register as a nod.

00:55:15I shift my eyes back to the card.

00:55:18Underneath the header is

00:55:20Richard Martinez, Special Agent.

00:55:27Chapter 4.

00:55:29Matty.

00:55:32I take the card from Tyler and read it again just to make sure I'm seeing this right.

00:55:37Yep. D-E-fucking-A.

00:55:41And then I swing, and my little fist crashes into Ricky's tightly clenched jaw.

00:55:47And there's this weird moment when Tyler looks at me in surprise,

00:55:51and Ricky looks at me in surprise,

00:55:53and I have to collect my thoughts so I can put into words what that punch really meant.

00:55:58But I do it.

00:56:00I smooth an imaginary wrinkle out of my dress,

00:56:03raise my chin and say,

00:56:08Ricky rubs his twice-punched jaw.

00:56:11What? Tyler says.

00:56:13What did you just tell him?

00:56:15But I ignore Tyler and take another step towards Ricky.

00:56:19I point my finger in his face and say,

00:56:24I get that, he says. I'm sorry.

00:56:27We spent, like, eleventy billion hours together driving back to Vegas.

00:56:32You couldn't tell me this then?

00:56:35I can't risk talking in one of Carlos's cars.

00:56:38I'm risking enough by even being here now and having the damn card on me.

00:56:43And then, I'm so angry I'm seeing red,

00:56:46and then you threaten to kill me if I didn't have the money in time when you dropped me off?

00:56:51I swing again, but Tyler catches me by the wrist before I can make contact.

00:56:56What? I snap, turning my head to glare at him.

00:57:00Why are you mad at me? he asks.

00:57:03I'm not mad at you. I snap again.

00:57:06I walk right over to the couch, flop down,

00:57:09causing my dress to flounce out over the sofa cushions,

00:57:12and I hug a pillow to my lap.

00:57:14I'm so mad.

00:57:16Okay, Tyler says.

00:57:19Can we try again, without the Spanish this time?

00:57:22He points to both of us with two fingers forming a V shape.

00:57:26Ricky nods.

00:57:28So, okay. So, you're a fucking DEA agent?

00:57:33I am. And just so you know, nobody knows I'm here today.

00:57:37Says Ricky.

00:57:39How'd you know we were here? Were you fucking trailing me?

00:57:42I ask him.

00:57:43I was. I read that Pete's wake was happening and assumed you'd be there.

00:57:48I am so mad.

00:57:50Okay, good for you, says Tyler.

00:57:54So, what do you want?

00:57:55If you're so goddamned worried about blowing your cover,

00:57:58then why are you here now?

00:58:01Because it's important, Ricky takes a breath and says.

00:58:05So, I work out of the San Diego field office.

00:58:09I've been inside the Castillo organization, working my way up, for the last 18 months.

00:58:15He looks at me like I should care.

00:58:17Fuck him. He threatened to kill me.

00:58:20A threat I took seriously.

00:58:22I made decisions based on that fucking threat.

00:58:25Like stripping in the morning at Pete's.

00:58:29Ricky continues.

00:58:31And it's been tough. Like, real tough.

00:58:34We're getting shit.

00:58:35Why? Asks Tyler.

00:58:37Because Castillo's crazy, but he's careful.

00:58:40You know why he won't fly.

00:58:42It's not because he has some innate fear of flying.

00:58:45It's because he thinks the US government will shoot him down.

00:58:49What? Why? I ask.

00:58:52Would you guys really do something like that?

00:58:54There's a pause before Ricky says.

00:58:57Probably not. But it's what he thinks.

00:59:00Jesus, this whole thing is insane.

00:59:04Point is, he doesn't trust anyone.

00:59:07What about his nephew? Unlucky Logan? Tyler asks.

00:59:12I look at him to explain himself.

00:59:14He shrugs and adds,

00:59:16My nickname for him.

00:59:18How I keep people straight.

00:59:20This guy was just T-shirt until a second ago.

00:59:23Now he's Ricky D-E-A.

00:59:27Logan's his own thing. Says Ricky.

00:59:30Fuck do you mean, his own thing? I snap at him.

00:59:34You know he burned down the club and killed Pete, don't you?

00:59:37On his uncle's orders?

00:59:40Ricky hangs his head and says,

00:59:42Yeah. Yeah. I know what he did.

00:59:45So then fucking arrest him! I shout, standing up.

00:59:48Tyler puts a hand on my arm to hold me back,

00:59:51but I'm about two seconds from being able to be held back by anyone.

00:59:55We can't. I can't.

00:59:57If Castillo goes down on a murder charge,

01:00:00which is a state charge,

01:00:02then we blow up our whole investigation.

01:00:04Not to mention the fact that he's not a U.S. citizen.

01:00:07Trying to extradite him would take months or longer.

01:00:11And in the meantime, he'd move pieces around

01:00:13so that we'd have to start our work with him all over again.

01:00:17It's-

01:00:18We can't. I'm sorry.

01:00:21I pull myself free of Tyler's grip and get right in Ricky's face.

01:00:25Fuck you.

01:00:27Okay. Okay.

01:00:29Tyler says, pulling me back.

01:00:31I jerk free again and throw myself back onto the couch.

01:00:34Tyler goes on.

01:00:36Look, what are you doing here today?

01:00:38What do you want?

01:00:40Ricky looks around, then spies a chair across from the couch.

01:00:44May I sit?

01:00:46Whatever, I say, panning my hand to the chair.

01:00:49Ricky places himself in the chair and looks at me.

01:00:52Maddie, I've been working this thing for a year and a half.

01:00:56And in that time, I've known Carlos to be singularly focused

01:01:00on running his business and keeping his competition in place.

01:01:03He eats, drinks, and sleeps work.

01:01:06Talks about nothing else.

01:01:08So, what does that have to do with-

01:01:11I start.

01:01:12Until you.

01:01:13He interrupts.

01:01:15If Ricky Ramirez Martinez, whatever his last name is,

01:01:19wanted my attention, he has it now.

01:01:22What are you talking about?

01:01:24Yeah, says Tyler.

01:01:26Fuck are you talking about?

01:01:28He's... obsessed.

01:01:30With Maddie.

01:01:32He talks about her all the time.

01:01:34Maddie, he doesn't care about the money you owe him.

01:01:37He wants you.

01:01:39Well, yeah, I say.

01:01:41I kind of figured that out when he tried to abduct me.

01:01:44No, that's my point.

01:01:46He doesn't try.

01:01:48He doesn't negotiate with anyone.

01:01:50Nobody leaves unless he wants them to.

01:01:53That he let you walk away?

01:01:56Like, I'm saying he's in love with you, Maddie.

01:02:00Holy fucking hell.

01:02:02This cannot be happening.

01:02:04And suddenly, I have a very bad feeling that I know where this is all headed.

01:02:09So, what do you want from me?

01:02:12I ask suspiciously.

01:02:15I'd like to ask you to help the United States government

01:02:18build its case against the Carlos Castillo drug cartel

01:02:22by telling Carlos that you couldn't get together the money you owe him

01:02:26and that you're willing to make good on your promise to...

01:02:29be with him.

01:02:31There's a faint ringing in my ears,

01:02:33like something loud just happened next to me

01:02:36and it's going to take a while to get my hearing back.

01:02:39The next thing I can make out clearly is Tyler's voice saying,

01:02:43Um, I'm sorry.

01:02:45You think you're going to get my girlfriend involved in your little government scheme

01:02:49to bring down a Mexican drug lord?

01:02:52That's exactly what Ricky thinks.

01:02:55Clearly.

01:02:56And...

01:02:57Wait, did Tyler just call me his girlfriend?

01:03:00It's neither little nor is it a scheme,

01:03:03says Ricky.

01:03:05It's a massive government operation

01:03:07that has already cost us millions of dollars and thousands of man hours.

01:03:12And what's missing for us to make our case is how Carlos is transporting his drugs.

01:03:17What do you mean, how?

01:03:19Tyler asks.

01:03:20He's not flying anything.

01:03:22He doesn't use tunnels like his competitors,

01:03:25or at least none that we've been able to ID, and...

01:03:28And what?

01:03:29Matty's a fucking expert in drug trafficking methods all of the sudden?

01:03:33No.

01:03:34But Matty might be the one person we've found

01:03:37who's in a position to get the critical intel we need.

01:03:40Then Ricky takes a breath and says,

01:03:43Look, I know it sounds ridiculous,

01:03:46but sometimes to catch the bad guys we have to paint outside the lines.

01:03:50It's not ideal, I get it,

01:03:52but she'll be providing a service to her country,

01:03:55and I'll be there the whole time in case things go sideways.

01:03:59Okay?

01:04:01Tyler says, walking over to Ricky and staring down at him like he's gonna...

01:04:05I don't know, choke him until he dies, maybe?

01:04:08First of all, this card,

01:04:10he says, holding up the business card,

01:04:12is bullshit.

01:04:14I need a badge, and then I need a supervisor,

01:04:16and then I'm gonna need a meeting with the supervisor,

01:04:19and then, maybe, if all that shit checks out,

01:04:22we can talk about how I, not her, but I might help you.

01:04:27But until that happens, fuck you.

01:04:30Well, Ricky says,

01:04:32I appreciate that, but unfortunately that can't happen.

01:04:36The deal is that I've got a lot of latitude to run this operation,

01:04:40so this is my call.

01:04:42Buck stops with me.

01:04:44Okay.

01:04:45Then get the fuck out.

01:04:48Tyler is serious.

01:04:50Like, I haven't seen him in soldier mode or anything,

01:04:53but I've gotten glimpses of that particular side of him,

01:04:56and this is that side.

01:04:58This, right here, is who he's become since he left home all those years ago.

01:05:03Dead fucking serious, I will kill you, Tyler Morgan.

01:05:07Wait, I say, throwing the pillow aside and standing up.

01:05:11You're trying to take down Carlos?

01:05:14We very much are, Ricky says, still calm.

01:05:17And Logan? I ask.

01:05:20I mean, certainly he'll also go down if we can get Carlos.

01:05:24I chew on my lip, thinking about this.

01:05:27No, Tyler says, coming to stand in front of me,

01:05:31blocking my view of Ricky with his body.

01:05:34No, Maddie, not happening.

01:05:36We already agreed to just pay these nutsuckers the money you owe them

01:05:40and have that be the end of it.

01:05:42It won't be the end of it, says Ricky.

01:05:45I assure you. Sorry, but that's the truth.

01:05:48I step to Tyler and put my hands on his chest.

01:05:51They killed Pete, Tyler, and Jeff, and who knows how many other people.

01:05:57Tyler looks into my eyes and then says,

01:06:00Fuck this, and starts pacing.

01:06:03Fuck this, fuck this.

01:06:05We need you, Maddie, Ricky says.

01:06:08And if you fuck this, Tyler yells,

01:06:12can get him to trust you, get the fuck out,

01:06:15and get him to think you're on his side.

01:06:18We can get him, Maddie.

01:06:20We can get him and Logan and all of them.

01:06:23All you gotta do is, Tyler jumps at Ricky,

01:06:26grabs him by his sweater, and pulls him up out of the chair.

01:06:30Ricky doesn't resist, just looks like he's bracing himself for another punch.

01:06:35Tyler screams at him.

01:06:37The fuck are you talking about? No.

01:06:40The fucking answer is no.

01:06:43And then, out of nowhere, the devil pops up on my shoulder,

01:06:47smiling, dancing a little jig.

01:06:50Yes, he hisses in my ear.

01:06:53Yes, this is perfect.

01:06:56And he's right. It is, isn't it?

01:06:59Payback, I say, redirecting my gaze from Ricky to Tyler.

01:07:04Tyler, still holding Ricky's sweater, looks at me.

01:07:07What? he asks.

01:07:09This is how we get our payback for Pete, and for Jeff,

01:07:13and for all the other people Carlos Castillo has fucked with and killed over the years.

01:07:18No, no, no, says Tyler. What are you saying?

01:07:22I'm saying, my eyes shift back to Ricky, my answer is yes.

01:07:37My grip on Ricky DEA's sweater remains tight, but it's less a threat,

01:07:42and more so that I don't fall immediately to my knees when I let go.

01:07:46What the fuck is going on?

01:07:48Maddie, I say, but she just keeps talking to Ricky.

01:07:53What do we do? How do we start? When do I go? Do I go with you now?

01:07:57Ricky taps me on the fist that's still holding his sweater, and I finally let him loose,

01:08:02trading places with him in the seat I just yanked him up from.

01:08:06He says,

01:08:07The Christmas deadline you guys have in place is coming up, and he's going to expect something.

01:08:12This is probably our best shot if we don't want him to get too suspicious.

01:08:16If he thinks you're going to him because you can't get the money together, we can likely sell it.

01:08:20We'll need a few days to brief you and get you ready for what you'll be doing.

01:08:24I'd like longer, but we don't have it, so we'll just have to do the best we can.

01:08:29Fuck this. I can't keep it in.

01:08:32The best we fucking can, I shout.

01:08:36That does not sound like what you want for someone when you're sending them into battle.

01:08:41Petty Officer Morgan, we know you haven't completed your diver training or ordnance disposal courses,

01:08:46but we're going to just toss you out there in the field anyway with IEDs and chemical weapons and so forth,

01:08:52and just have you do the best you can.

01:08:56You can hear how that sounds stupid, right?

01:08:59Tie, Maddie starts, but she can wait for a second.

01:09:02She had her shot to be worked up. It's my turn.

01:09:05I stand up, rip off my tie, because it's fucking choking me to death, and throw it on the ground.

01:09:10Fuck it. I'll buy Evan a new one.

01:09:12I pop the collar on the shirt and get right in Ricky's face.

01:09:15We're about the same height, so we're basically nose to nose.

01:09:17I don't know what the fuck they teach you assholes at the DEA, but this is not how shit is done.

01:09:23Read me.

01:09:24You were in the military?

01:09:26I was.

01:09:27Yeah, which branch?

01:09:29Army.

01:09:30Oh, well, of fucking course you were.

01:09:33And what was your job, besides getting punched by Rangers?

01:09:37Were you a fucking Ranger?

01:09:39For a while, he says.

01:09:41Fuck does that mean?

01:09:43It means that I left the Rangers.

01:09:45Why? To do what?

01:09:47I was recruited by First SFODD.

01:09:51That's what I did before I got out.

01:09:54First SFODD?

01:09:57Special Forces Operational Detachment Delta?

01:10:02Seriously?

01:10:04You were a fucking Delta Force Operator?

01:10:07I ask him.

01:10:08I was.

01:10:09You were a fucking Delta Force Operator, and went through everything that becoming that entails,

01:10:15and yet somehow you think it's a fucking banner idea to send an untrained woman into what is basically a combat operation?

01:10:23What does me being a woman have to do with it?

01:10:25Matty asks sharply.

01:10:27Oh, fuck.

01:10:29It... that's not... nothing.

01:10:32No, she says.

01:10:34You made a point of saying woman.

01:10:36Like that has particular meaning.

01:10:38You somehow think because I'm a woman I won't be able to handle it?

01:10:41Jesus Christ, no, I say, taking a breath.

01:10:45It's not because you're a woman.

01:10:47You just happen to be a woman.

01:10:49You are, in fact, a woman, I continue pointing out.

01:10:53But the more relevant fact to this conversation is that you're not trained.

01:10:58She eyes me.

01:11:00I don't know if she buys it, but I don't give a shit.

01:11:02I mean it.

01:11:03Hey, look, I continue.

01:11:05I trained with two female techs in EOD school, and I'd take either of them any day over half the jag offs I graduated with.

01:11:12They were the fucking tits at the job.

01:11:14Oh, fuck me.

01:11:15Not the tits.

01:11:16I didn't mean...

01:11:17I mean they were, but not...

01:11:19It's just an expression.

01:11:20Fuck it.

01:11:21My point is, you'd be amazing at anything you do, but everybody who does anything needs training.

01:11:25All I'm saying.

01:11:27It's intel, says Ricky DEA casually from out of nowhere.

01:11:32What? I ask, annoyed.

01:11:35It's not a combat operation.

01:11:37It's intel gathering.

01:11:39Look, I will make sure that if it starts to look even a little hot, we get her the fuck out of there.

01:11:46And how will you do that? I ask him.

01:11:49Nobody knows you're here, right?

01:11:51You're in deep cover.

01:11:53How the hell will you get her out?

01:11:56Tyler. It's Tyler, right?

01:11:58I nod.

01:12:00Tyler.

01:12:01At the end of the day, I do still work for a major U.S. government agency.

01:12:07We have tools at our disposal.

01:12:10And she's not going in completely cold.

01:12:12My Vegas counterpart and I will give her a crash course.

01:12:15Crash course.

01:12:16Fucking super.

01:12:17I can't believe this.

01:12:19Besides, he says, I've seen her handle herself with Castillo.

01:12:24I don't think it's her you should be worried about.

01:12:27And then he smiles one of those charming good guy smiles that I normally just want to punch off someone's face,

01:12:33but somehow on this dude, I don't mind it.

01:12:36I don't know why.

01:12:37Maybe because he was Delta, whatever.

01:12:39Tyler.

01:12:41Maddie steps to me.

01:12:43I need to do this.

01:12:45Okay?

01:12:47I need to.

01:12:51She takes my hand in hers and intertwines our fingers.

01:12:55Looking into her eyes, I can see the need she's talking about.

01:12:59I can see it.

01:13:01Her expression projects the truth that what she needs is so much greater than just avenging Pete

01:13:07or getting even with Carlos or anything as small and petty as that.

01:13:12It's about the need she has to stand strong.

01:13:15To lift herself up and move forward again.

01:13:19Finally, after all this time.

01:13:23Well, she sure picked one hell of a coming out party for herself.

01:13:27I get it.

01:13:29I whisper.

01:13:31I just...

01:13:32Dude, can you fucking go so we can talk about this shit, please?

01:13:36I say to my new pal, Ricky.

01:13:38He nods.

01:13:40Do you have a piece of paper?

01:13:41He asks.

01:13:43Maddie gets him one and he grabs a pen from his other cargo pocket.

01:13:47He writes something down and hands it to her.

01:13:50This is the number to ring if you do decide you want to help us out.

01:13:55The woman who will answer is called Emily.

01:13:58Is that her real name?

01:13:59Asks Maddie.

01:14:01It's the only one I've ever called her.

01:14:04That's not an answer.

01:14:05I point out.

01:14:07He nods.

01:14:08I know.

01:14:10And as he grabs the door handle, he says.

01:14:14I'm so sorry this is happening for you, Maddie.

01:14:17I really am.

01:14:19He pulls the door open and pauses in the doorway.

01:14:23But I suppose we're also lucky it is you and not somebody else.

01:14:29Give a call when you're ready to get going.

01:14:31And then...

01:14:33He's gone.

01:14:36Chapter 6.

01:14:39Tyler and Maddie.

01:14:42The second the door swings shut behind Ricky DEA,

01:14:45she grabs her cell phone and starts dialing the number he left.

01:14:49And now I'm chasing her around the house like a maniac,

01:14:51trying to get the phone out of her hand.

01:14:53I feel like we're in a fucking Laurel and Hardy movie.

01:14:56Maddie, Maddie, Maddie, stop!

01:14:58Just stop and let me...

01:14:59Fucking stop!

01:15:02I finally secure the phone away from her,

01:15:04and she spins on her heels and stares at me.

01:15:07Give me my phone, she says.

01:15:12I hold it so that she can't reach it.

01:15:14Give me my phone!

01:15:19I suddenly wish Caroline and Diane were here.

01:15:22I would never in a million years harm a hair on Maddie's head,

01:15:26so it would be nice if there were someone else around

01:15:29I pull her off when she goes ham on me in a second.

01:15:32Maddie, Maddie, please, just give me a second.

01:15:35I just want to talk about this with you, please.

01:15:38She grabs my dick, which was starting to flag,

01:15:40but is roused back into action by her touch,

01:15:43squeezes, and says,

01:15:45Give me my phone, or I will rip your nuts off.

01:15:49Okay, okay, I say.

01:15:52And I throw the phone across the room.

01:15:55She shouts,

01:15:56What's wrong with you? It's supposed to be a bad thing!

01:15:59Sorry, I say, shrugging.

01:16:02But are you still going to jerk on my dick until you rip it off?

01:16:05Because I totally think you should. I deserve it.

01:16:08I smile a toothy smile at her,

01:16:10and she lets go of my cock and flops back onto the sofa,

01:16:13which is a massive letdown for me.

01:16:16Fuck, she calls out.

01:16:19Am I crazy for wanting to do this?

01:16:21I mean, yeah, I say matter-of-factly,

01:16:25I sit at the end of the sofa,

01:16:26pulling her feet onto my lap and unbuckling her shoes.

01:16:30But I think I have to.

01:16:34You get that, right?

01:16:36She asks, looking at me earnestly.

01:16:40Yeah, I get it.

01:16:43I wish I fucking didn't, but I do, I say,

01:16:47as I drop one shoe to the floor, then the other,

01:16:50and begin massaging her feet.

01:16:53She lets out,

01:16:55dropping her head back on a throw pillow.

01:16:58See, I say,

01:17:00you think Carlos will do this shit for you?

01:17:03She lifts her head and props herself on her elbows.

01:17:06Are you... jealous?

01:17:10Is that what this is about?

01:17:12No, dummy, I say, flicking her big toe with my finger.

01:17:16Ow, fucker, I'm not like you. I feel pain and shit.

01:17:19Sorry, sorry, I say, kissing her toe.

01:17:22You can stab me with something if you want.

01:17:25You'd like it, she grins.

01:17:27What, is that weird, I ask,

01:17:30kissing the other four toes now?

01:17:32Tyler, Tyler, stop, she says.

01:17:35I do stop, I don't wanna, but I do.

01:17:38She gets a serious look and says,

01:17:41you really do understand?

01:17:43I have to do this.

01:17:46Yeah, I acquiesce.

01:17:49I understand, I just...

01:17:52What?

01:17:54What is it? You just what? Say it.

01:17:57I can feel my heart beating in my dick.

01:18:00And not just because it's throbbing with want for her.

01:18:04My whole body is pulsing.

01:18:06I just...

01:18:08love you, Maddie.

01:18:11And there's about a million ways something like this can go wrong.

01:18:15And if anything happens to you, I'll...

01:18:19I'll kill myself.

01:18:22It's not any more complicated than that.

01:18:25But that's not something a person needs to hear.

01:18:28Because it's selfish.

01:18:30And manipulative.

01:18:32And unfair.

01:18:34So...

01:18:37I don't know what I'll fucking do.

01:18:40Sure.

01:18:42That's close enough.

01:18:46He loves me.

01:18:48He just said he loves me.

01:18:51He said it before, but it was desperate.

01:18:54From a place of panic.

01:18:56This is different.

01:18:58He's not panicked. He's worried.

01:19:01Because he loves me.

01:19:03I smile but turn my head into the couch to hide it.

01:19:07It's not like I planned this.

01:19:09It's not like I set out to seduce him.

01:19:11It's not like I've been dreaming of a Tyler and Maddie wedding since I was eight.

01:19:16Really.

01:19:17But I've always loved him.

01:19:19In different ways throughout the years, but love is love.

01:19:23He was...

01:19:24the perfect brother's best friend crash when I was a kid.

01:19:28I have always thought him cute.

01:19:31He was skinny once.

01:19:32Lanky and lean.

01:19:34More like a runner or a cyclist.

01:19:36Not bulked up like a soldier.

01:19:39But that was a long time ago.

01:19:41Tyler grew up first, it seemed.

01:19:44Before Scotty or Evan.

01:19:46He just burst into manhood when all the other kids were still boys.

01:19:50He became tall before my eyes.

01:19:53He filled in.

01:19:54Started lifting weights in his garage.

01:19:57He was the first to grow a beard, and that makes me smile even wider.

01:20:01It was a stupid beard, and I made fun of him.

01:20:04But he never took it personally.

01:20:06It was a joke. Something sweet.

01:20:08Like the way he called me Mads and made fun of my temper.

01:20:12Something just between us.

01:20:14And even though he looks nothing like the kid I once knew,

01:20:17this is better.

01:20:19He's even better than he was.

01:20:21Because he's seen stuff and done stuff and learned stuff.

01:20:25And he's still here.

01:20:27He came back.

01:20:29Not for me, I know that.

01:20:30But he came home.

01:20:32Alive.

01:20:33And that's better.

01:20:35Tyler Morgan is a good man.

01:20:37And I don't base that off some childhood crush.

01:20:40Everything he's done since we reconnected tells me all I need to know.

01:20:45Tells me he's one of the good guys.

01:20:48That's what I've been telling you too, Angel says.

01:20:52And I wish I had the words to tell him that right now,

01:20:54because I have a feeling he doesn't believe it.

01:20:57But I don't have the words.

01:20:59And it's not the time.

01:21:01He just said he loves you, Angel says.

01:21:04It's the perfect time.

01:21:06What?

01:21:07Tyler asks.

01:21:08What's with the face?

01:21:10Remember that time when I was like six and...

01:21:13Yes?

01:21:15Tyler's face widens with a grin.

01:21:17Liar! You didn't even let me finish!

01:21:19My answer is still yes.

01:21:21I was six, I say again.

01:21:24And I was sitting out on the front stoop crying over something.

01:21:27I don't even remember.

01:21:29And you came out of your garage.

01:21:31You were on your bike, going somewhere.

01:21:33Wherever boys go on bikes.

01:21:35And you saw me, and you stopped, and you put that bike down,

01:21:38and you sat next to me, and you said,

01:21:40I'm selling smiles. Do you want to buy one?

01:21:43I buy one right now.

01:21:45Yeah, he said that.

01:21:47And you bought one.

01:21:49I did. It was a good one, too. Lasted me all day.

01:21:52You're fish, he says.

01:21:55What? I ask, pulling myself out of the past.

01:21:58You won that goldfish at the carnival, and it died the next day.

01:22:02You were crying over that goldfish.

01:22:05I look at Tyler Morgan.

01:22:07See him for who he was back then.

01:22:10Who he is now.

01:22:12Cherish all the memories and appreciate the fact

01:22:14that he's been a part of all the most important moments in my life.

01:22:18Even when he wasn't.

01:22:20Because some people just stay with you, you know?

01:22:23Some people just find a place in your heart and call it home.

01:22:26So I ask,

01:22:29Do you love me?

01:22:33I'm still rubbing her feet, but sort of absently.

01:22:36Looking at her sweet, sweet face

01:22:39that suddenly looks like it's about to welcome tears to start falling.

01:22:43I shrug one shoulder and say,

01:22:46Yeah.

01:22:48Sorry.

01:22:50It's true.

01:22:52She gulps,

01:22:54lets out a huff of air through her nose and says,

01:22:58I love you too.

01:23:00And that's it.

01:23:01I grab her wrists and pull her into my lap.

01:23:04The fluffy black material at the bottom of her dress spills out around us.

01:23:09She takes my face in her hands and begins kissing me with a reckless hunger.

01:23:13Which is fine.

01:23:15Because I'm starving for her too.

01:23:17And we can both feed the other with what we desire.

01:23:21She's rocking back and forth against my erection

01:23:23and the feel of her tight pussy rubbing against the light cashmere

01:23:26of the $14,000 suit pants I'm wearing

01:23:29is like being wrapped in a cloud.

01:23:32But since I absolutely do not want to come in Evan's suit,

01:23:36I lift her to the side and place her on her back on the sofa again.

01:23:40Hold on, I say.

01:23:42She looks up at me,

01:23:44rubbing her feet together, nibbling at her bottom lip

01:23:47and every stitch of clothing I remove feels like it takes forever.

01:23:52First I kick off the shoes, taking off the jacket as I do

01:23:55and tossing it on the chair that sits across from the couch.

01:23:58Then I rip the socks off and toss them aside

01:24:01and unbutton the dress shirt, popping the cufflinks loose last

01:24:04and toss it on the chair as well.

01:24:06Me standing in front of her, wearing only the trousers,

01:24:09causes her to say,

01:24:11You're so fucking sexy.

01:24:13Do you know that?

01:24:15Nah, I say.

01:24:17You're just seeing reflected glow.

01:24:20I wink at her as I unbuckle the belt and let it hang there.

01:24:24I snap open the trouser button, unzip the pants

01:24:27and then pull them off along with the boxer briefs I put on

01:24:30because I was wearing another dude's clothes.

01:24:32I am nothing if not courteous.

01:24:34Everybody says so.

01:24:36And toss them to the side with everything else.

01:24:39Then I take my cock in my hand and stroke it back and forth,

01:24:42watching her imagine that my hand is her mouth.

01:24:47I don't know where Caroline and Diane are, she tells me.

01:24:50They could be home any minute.

01:24:52I can't imagine they'll be shocked.

01:24:54They are hookers and all.

01:24:55I don't know if they've ever seen a cock like that one,

01:24:58she says, tilting her head.

01:25:00You mean that in a good way, right?

01:25:02She giggles and nods.

01:25:04I bend down to my knees.

01:25:06What are you doing? she asks.

01:25:09I don't answer.

01:25:11Just take her feet up with my hands and begin kissing them again

01:25:14and then sucking on them,

01:25:16placing one big toe in my mouth and swirling my tongue around,

01:25:20then putting the next in along with the first,

01:25:23allowing my tongue to slide

01:25:25in the slender, delicate crevices that separate them.

01:25:29She whines with pleasure and giggles as I laugh

01:25:32and tickle the skin that lives here at the base of her amazing body.

01:25:37And suddenly I am reminded of the first night she and I reconnected,

01:25:41without knowing it was a reconnection.

01:25:44That night in the VIP room at Pete's, which is no more.

01:25:48I remember that when I held her hands,

01:25:51I considered them, studied them,

01:25:54wanted to learn and know them.

01:25:57And that's what I'm doing now.

01:25:59I want to start at the bottom of her

01:26:02and work my way up,

01:26:04learning every possible millimeter of her flesh,

01:26:08every line, curve, angle,

01:26:11perceived imperfection, everything.

01:26:16And so, in looking at her feet,

01:26:19as I nip at her toes and she wriggles and moans,

01:26:23I notice a scar running along the back of her heel.

01:26:27Where'd you get that? I pause to ask.

01:26:30What? The scar, here.

01:26:33I bend her knee so she can see and she reaches down to touch it, remembering.

01:26:37Oh, you did that.

01:26:40What? I ask, like really surprised at her response.

01:26:45Seriously, you don't remember? She asks.

01:26:48Seriously, no.

01:26:50She laughs and says,

01:26:52you remember the selling smiles goldfish thing

01:26:55and you don't remember how I got the scar?

01:26:58I really don't. No. When did it happen?

01:27:01She huffs out another tiny laugh and says,

01:27:04you know when you and Scotty and Evan all decided that you were going to be volunteer firefighters?

01:27:09You mean when we were like ten?

01:27:11Yeah, and you idiots would ride around on your bikes going,

01:27:14woo, woo, woo.

01:27:16In fairness, I think it was only Evan who went,

01:27:19woo, woo, woo.

01:27:21She laughs again.

01:27:22She should. That was a good one.

01:27:25And you'd...

01:27:26I feel like I remember that...

01:27:29Didn't you guys actually set fires so you could go put them out?

01:27:34I put on an overly admonished face,

01:27:36like a kid who's been busted for doing something he shouldn't be doing.

01:27:41Maybe.

01:27:42I squeak out.

01:27:43Yeah, well,

01:27:45this was from the time you three were racing around the driveway at our place,

01:27:48just like going in circles for no reason.

01:27:51Knuckleheads.

01:27:52And I came out to tell Scotty it was time for dinner and you didn't see me or whatever

01:27:56and you skidded to a stop but wound up kind of rolling up the back of my leg.

01:27:59You really don't remember this?

01:28:01No.

01:28:02No, I...

01:28:03kind of do?

01:28:05I don't know. I remembered the nice one. Cut me some slack.

01:28:08She rolls her eyes.

01:28:10Well, whatever.

01:28:11You took a huge chunk of skin off the back of my heel,

01:28:14and that's what that's from.

01:28:17I examine it again more closely,

01:28:19really favoring it and kissing it,

01:28:22trying to go back in time 20 years and make it not happen.

01:28:26I'm sorry, I say.

01:28:29That's probably why I don't remember.

01:28:32Why?

01:28:34Because it caused you pain.

01:28:37She gives me a look like you give someone when you care about them

01:28:40but can't believe what an idiot they are.

01:28:43I'm so sorry.

01:28:45I was an asshole.

01:28:47You still are, she says, smirking.

01:28:50But don't feel bad.

01:28:52I loved that injury. Seriously, I loved it so much.

01:28:56Probably why the scar is even there.

01:28:59What? What do you mean, why?

01:29:01Every time it would start to heal over and scab,

01:29:04I'd pull it off.

01:29:06I study her face and ask,

01:29:08How come?

01:29:10She closes her eyes, kind of like she's embarrassed, and then says,

01:29:14Because...

01:29:16you gave it to me.

01:29:18That's it.

01:29:20Good night, fucking Irene.

01:29:22Staring at her ankle, I begin licking.

01:29:25My head is hidden from her view by the flowy canopy of black that is her dress,

01:29:30but I can see every part of her.

01:29:32And waiting, at the top of my journey,

01:29:36are the black lace panties she has on.

01:29:39The smell of her skin and her moist pussy swirls all around me,

01:29:43filling up my nostrils and making me fight back the urge

01:29:46to press my cock inside of her right this second.

01:29:49But if I can hold out,

01:29:51there'll be time for that after I've let my tongue taste what it wants.

01:29:56I lick my way up to behind her knee and start kissing her there.

01:30:00I swear, the sound she makes when I do

01:30:03causes me to think that she's coming right now,

01:30:06which can't be possible, or I suppose it could,

01:30:09and that would be wonderful and a nice trick to have up my sleeve,

01:30:12to know that I can make her come by just touching her there.

01:30:15But I don't have long to think about it because suddenly,

01:30:18I can feel her hand on the top of my head through the skirt,

01:30:21pushing my face up towards her pussy.

01:30:24Okay, that's no problem. Happy to oblige.

01:30:27I work my hands up the outside of her thighs,

01:30:30reach the lace with my fingertips,

01:30:32and draw her panties down around her ankles.

01:30:35She kicks at them with her feet,

01:30:37kneeing me in the face in the process.

01:30:39Sorry, I hear from somewhere out there in the air above my joy.

01:30:44All good, I call back and keep doing my duty.

01:30:48She drops one leg off the sofa and onto the floor,

01:30:50and now I have a full view of what has quickly become

01:30:53one of my favorite sights in the world.

01:30:56I have seen the Taj Mahal, the Roman Coliseum,

01:31:00Machu Picchu, all that Seven Wonders shit.

01:31:04None of it holds a candle to the wonder that is Maddie Clayton.

01:31:09I place my palms on the inside of her thighs

01:31:11so that I can spread her wider with my thumbs

01:31:13and allow my tongue to burrow itself inside her.

01:31:16And just as I'm about to place my mouth on her tender, bare pussy,

01:31:21I hear a rip.

01:31:25And before I can ask, what was that,

01:31:27her hand comes shooting down into view,

01:31:30her index and middle fingers landing on her clit.

01:31:33Did you just rip your dress open? I ask.

01:31:36She ignores the question, and her hand pushes my head forward

01:31:39before landing back on her clitoris again.

01:31:43I decide the only decent thing to do is to help her out,

01:31:46so I let my tongue stroke against the swollen flesh in time with her rubbing,

01:31:51alternately sliding it inside the pink walls of her pussy,

01:31:55lapping up the wetness that's starting to spill from her in torrents now.

01:32:03His beard tickles my inner thighs.

01:32:06That feels so good, I moan.

01:32:09I pull my hand away, giving his mouth better access,

01:32:12and slide my fingertips through his hair as his tongue flicks against my clit.

01:32:17And just when I think this moment could not feel any better,

01:32:20he places his whole mouth against me and sucks.

01:32:24Jesus, I whisper, don't ever stop.

01:32:29A breath of air tells me he's laughing and happy about pleasing me,

01:32:33which makes me want to please him.

01:32:36I want your cock at my mouth, I say.

01:32:39He tisks his tongue, probably not meaning to drive me wild, but it does.

01:32:44I arch my back and fist his hair, just as he says.

01:32:48Plenty of time for that later.

01:32:50So I lie back and enjoy it. I have no choice.

01:32:54Because Tyler Morgan has taken a masterclass in eating pussy, or something.

01:32:59Every lick, every sweep of his tongue, every movement of his chin,

01:33:03all of it has me on the edge.

01:33:06And then his fingers join in.

01:33:08My eyes roll back into my head.

01:33:10I lose time, I'm sure of it.

01:33:13I float somewhere unreal, somewhere between then and now.

01:33:17Somewhere dreamy and beautiful and...

01:33:20Don't come yet, he murmurs, making my clit vibrate with his words.

01:33:25And I want to say, don't worry, you can just make me come again.

01:33:30And be selfish, and take everything he's offering.

01:33:33But I hold back.

01:33:35I hold it in because if I come now, it will upset the perfect balance of ecstasy he's created.

01:33:41It's just that I can't hold on much longer.

01:33:44So I wiggle my hips a little, and his tongue finds its way inside my pussy again,

01:33:49as my fingertips wander down between my legs like they're in charge of what happens next.

01:33:55Which is me, playing with myself.

01:33:58As Tyler pushes his tongue in deeper.

01:34:01As my fingers find their rhythm on my clit.

01:34:04And all I can think of is...

01:34:07I never want this to end.

01:34:12She rubs harder, and I stretch my tongue as far as I can,

01:34:15almost separating it from the inside of my mouth,

01:34:18straining as I swirl it around inside her.

01:34:21And on cue, her thighs come crashing together against my head,

01:34:25pinning me there, forcing me to stop moving,

01:34:28but allowing me to stay bound to her with my mouth.

01:34:31Which is all I want.

01:34:33The vibration of her quivering thighs against my cheeks,

01:34:36has me rubbing my dick into the sofa,

01:34:39unconsciously emulating the gyrating muscles in her legs.

01:34:42Suddenly, she pulls herself back from my lips,

01:34:45drawing the skirt up as she does, exposing my head to the room.

01:34:49She presses her foot into my shoulder, forcing me to a kneeling position on the floor,

01:34:53and before I know it, she's pushed me all the way onto my back,

01:34:57picked her skirt up, and is mounting my throbbing cock.

01:35:01I can now see the rip she made in the top of her dress,

01:35:04and it makes my cock throb harder.

01:35:06It's torn down to her stomach,

01:35:08exposing her taut muscles and her magnificent tits,

01:35:11still wrapped in the black bra she's wearing.

01:35:14I reach behind her hand with a trick I learned back in high school,

01:35:17and have never gotten sick of pulling out of my bag.

01:35:20In a snap of my fingers, I've unfastened the latch,

01:35:23and freed her breasts from their confinement.

01:35:26She gasps, and her eyes get wide for a second,

01:35:29before she smiles and plants her mouth on mine.

01:35:32Is that what I taste like?

01:35:34She asks, sucking at my lips with hers.

01:35:38Does it taste better than anything you've ever had in your mouth before?

01:35:41Then yes.

01:35:43She bends her legs back, locking her calves to the inside of mine,

01:35:47giving her the anchor she needs to grind my cock back and forth,

01:35:50back and forth,

01:35:52pulling her ass down my thighs,

01:35:54until I'm almost out of her,

01:35:57and then rolling her hips forward,

01:35:59and consuming me again.

01:36:02Back and forth.

01:36:04Back and forth.

01:36:06Back and forth.

01:36:11I reach up, grab both my breasts, and squeeze.

01:36:15Tyler watches me, stupid grin on his face,

01:36:18which just makes me happy in ways I can't describe.

01:36:22You like that? I ask.

01:36:25Do you like when I play with myself?

01:36:27I like it better when it's me.

01:36:29He winks.

01:36:31I lock eyes with him,

01:36:33stare into him as I raise one breast up towards my chin.

01:36:37He tilts his head to the side as if to say,

01:36:40You gonna go there?

01:36:42And I do.

01:36:43I go there.

01:36:45I lower my mouth to my nipple and swirl my tongue around,

01:36:48mimicking the way his tongue was swirling between my legs just moments ago.

01:36:53And when my lips descend, and I pull the hard nub into my mouth,

01:36:57we start fucking again.

01:36:59Hard.

01:37:00Like I made him forget for just a second what he was doing,

01:37:04but now he's remembered.

01:37:06His hands grip my hips,

01:37:08pushing me back and pulling me forward

01:37:11as I continue to make my tongue dance over the peaked tip of my nipple.

01:37:15And I love it.

01:37:17I want him to leave marks on my skin.

01:37:20I want to look down later tonight or tomorrow or next week

01:37:24and see bruises that bring it all back fresh in my head.

01:37:28I want to cherish those marks the way I cherish that scar on my ankle.

01:37:33I want to make memories with him.

01:37:36This makes me stop what I'm doing,

01:37:38not because anything's wrong,

01:37:40not because there's so much to be worried about right now

01:37:43and we're here at my house having sex,

01:37:46but because I just want to...

01:37:48look at him.

01:37:50I place my palms flat on his cheeks,

01:37:53study the colors in his eyes.

01:37:55What?

01:37:56He asks.

01:37:57What's wrong?

01:37:59I shake my head and smile.

01:38:01Nothing, I say.

01:38:03Nothing at all.

01:38:04And it's true.

01:38:06It's perfect.

01:38:08I take a mental picture for myself

01:38:10to go with the possibility of bruises on my hips.

01:38:14Then I tuck it away for another day

01:38:17and resume our rhythm.

01:38:21On the next surge forward,

01:38:23I grab her around the waist and stop her moving.

01:38:26I put my mouth on her breasts and nibble at her pert, puckered nipples,

01:38:30making her struggle to get free.

01:38:32But I won't let her go free.

01:38:35I will insist on keeping her here.

01:38:38Because I know that I won't be able to keep her forever.

01:38:41I know that ultimately she will do what it is she wants

01:38:45and while I will be there for her always,

01:38:48she is not mine to keep.

01:38:51So I savor this moment when she is.

01:38:55For this brief parcel of time,

01:38:58she is all mine.

01:39:00No one else's.

01:39:02I pull back to look at her and stroke her hair out of her face.

01:39:07I love you, I say.

01:39:10I love you too, she says back.

01:39:13And then she shrugs like,

01:39:15what are you going to do?

01:39:17And I smile, grab her ankles,

01:39:20and begin moving her back and forth on my dick

01:39:22like she was doing herself moments ago.

01:39:24She leans forward, puts her hands on my chest,

01:39:26and allows her hair to collapse in my face,

01:39:28shrouding me once again.

01:39:30Her forehead is against mine and she whispers,

01:39:33I'm going to come again.

01:39:35Will you come with me?

01:39:37I don't answer.

01:39:38Just tighten my grip around her legs

01:39:40and force her forward and back along my cock

01:39:42with a frantic push and pull.

01:39:44She's so wet that I think she's going to slide right off me

01:39:47and across the floor.

01:39:49The best water park ride in history.

01:39:52I'm going to come again.

01:39:53I'm going to come again, please.

01:39:54Please come with me.

01:39:55I want you to come with me.

01:39:58And even though I know she just means here, now,

01:40:03I decide that what it means to me is more than that.

01:40:07I decide that it means

01:40:09I will always come with her,

01:40:11wherever she goes.

01:40:13Anytime she may be in need or want,

01:40:16she will never have to ask me to come with her

01:40:18because I'll already be there.

01:40:21But in this moment,

01:40:23I will also grant what she asks.

01:40:26Yes. Yes.

01:40:28I whisper out on a gasping breath.

01:40:31Always.

01:40:33And as she gushes out around me,

01:40:36I explode into her.

01:40:38Our heads still touching,

01:40:40our mouths open against each other,

01:40:42sharing each other's oxygen.

01:40:45We are unified.

01:40:47We are bound.

01:40:49We are one.

01:40:51And no one has to declare it.

01:40:54We know.

01:40:59Chapter Seven

01:41:01Maddie

01:41:04So, there was a phone call.

01:41:07There was a lot of yelling.

01:41:09On Tyler's part, not mine.

01:41:11Because even though he said,

01:41:13yeah, cool,

01:41:14when I asked him if he was cool,

01:41:16he wasn't,

01:41:17which I forgave him for.

01:41:19Because this is kind of a difficult, stressful,

01:41:21life-altering kind of thing happening to us,

01:41:23and it wasn't a lie.

01:41:25He was just trying to wrap his head around my decision

01:41:27to take down a drug lord.

01:41:29I sigh.

01:41:31So, there was a phone call in which Tyler threatened

01:41:33to rain hellfire down on Ricky

01:41:35if anything happened to me.

01:41:37And the threat was directed to poor Emily,

01:41:40the person on the other end of the phone,

01:41:42not even Ricky.

01:41:43And the only reason he was going along

01:41:45with this crazy-ass idea was because

01:41:47I was a strong, capable woman who,

01:41:49if it came down to it,

01:41:51was one of two people he'd trust with his life.

01:41:54The other being Evan.

01:41:56And then there was a lot of mumbling

01:41:58about all the other guys in the firehouse,

01:42:01because he felt he'd somehow slighted them,

01:42:03and he didn't want to give the wrong impression.

01:42:06You know, typical Tyler.

01:42:08And at the end of the phone call,

01:42:10after he said,

01:42:11yes, we're in,

01:42:13he hung up,

01:42:14and he looked at me for a long moment.

01:42:16And then he said,

01:42:18no,

01:42:19and shook his head

01:42:20and was already pressing the redial icon

01:42:22on his phone.

01:42:23So I took the phone from him,

01:42:25slowly, carefully,

01:42:27like he was a frightened wild animal

01:42:29caught in a trap.

01:42:31And any wrong move would send him thrashing again.

01:42:34And I said,

01:42:35we have time to say no.

01:42:37We don't have to do it now.

01:42:39Because I wanted him to know,

01:42:41if it really came down to it,

01:42:43and he decided that the head-wrapping

01:42:45around the talking-down-a-drug-lord thing

01:42:47was over,

01:42:49and his answer really was no,

01:42:51not yes,

01:42:52then okay.

01:42:53I'd live with it.

01:42:55And somehow,

01:42:56I don't really know how,

01:42:58he got that out of my two short sentences

01:43:00that said nothing of the sort.

01:43:02So,

01:43:03currently,

01:43:04we're parked outside a strip mall

01:43:05filled with empty storefronts.

01:43:07Save one.

01:43:08But there's no sign.

01:43:09Just some windows blacked out with shoe polish

01:43:12or whatever they use to black out windows.

01:43:14Trying to decide

01:43:15if now is the time to stick with yes

01:43:17or change our minds.

01:43:19Because suddenly,

01:43:20I'm not so sure either.

01:43:22You need to do this,

01:43:24he asks.

01:43:26I consider my answer carefully.

01:43:28Because even though I will say,

01:43:30okay, we'll stand down,

01:43:32if he says no,

01:43:33he'll say,

01:43:34okay, we're going in,

01:43:36if I say yes.

01:43:38It's weird to be on such equal ground with someone.

01:43:41Someone's...

01:43:42partner, I guess.

01:43:44But it's completely awesome at the same time.

01:43:47It's called,

01:43:49like,

01:43:50mutual respect or some shit like that.

01:43:52I think.

01:43:53It's a pretty new feeling for me.

01:43:55So.

01:43:57I think,

01:43:59I start to say but then stop,

01:44:01because I need to say this right.

01:44:03There's no room for mistakes or misunderstandings.

01:44:06I think of all the people Carlos Castillo has hurt.

01:44:10And then,

01:44:11I try to add in Logan, too.

01:44:13But I can't stop there, you know?

01:44:15I look at Tyler, who has a serious,

01:44:17solemn expression on his face.

01:44:19Almost sad.

01:44:21I have to then think about all the other people who work for Carlos.

01:44:25And all the people those people have hurt in his name.

01:44:28And that's before I even get to Pete and Jeff.

01:44:31So, I gotta ask myself.

01:44:34I swallow down the sadness creeping into my voice.

01:44:37I gotta ask myself,

01:44:39How many Tylers and Mattys came before us who had a chance and didn't take it?

01:44:44And how many other people got hurt because they couldn't or wouldn't take a stand?

01:44:48And how many more people will get hurt if we say no,

01:44:51and just try to live with it?

01:44:54Tyler nods, understanding.

01:44:57Yeah.

01:44:58Is all he says.

01:44:59But,

01:45:00he shakes his head.

01:45:01I mean,

01:45:02you're right.

01:45:03Of course you're right.

01:45:04It's just you.

01:45:05He trails off and doesn't finish it.

01:45:08Maybe because he's worried I might take it the wrong way.

01:45:11Like he thinks I'm weak and can't handle this.

01:45:13Which is stupid.

01:45:15I am weak.

01:45:17Physically, I suppose.

01:45:19I mean, compared to the men I'm up against,

01:45:21it's just physiology.

01:45:23And I probably can't handle this.

01:45:26I'm a wedding planning, dog treat baking, drone flying stripper.

01:45:30Not a secret agent or whatever.

01:45:33So, I'm not offended.

01:45:35Because I know he thinks I'm super strong in other ways.

01:45:38Because I am.

01:45:40Or maybe he doesn't finish saying it because he can't bear to think of what could happen to me.

01:45:45And let's be real.

01:45:47Killing me isn't the worst thing Carlos and Logan could do.

01:45:50And no one will be there.

01:45:52Not really.

01:45:53Ricky won't be able to save me.

01:45:55I don't care how many agents or whoever are waiting nearby.

01:45:59I don't care if they have helicopters or drones of their own spying overhead.

01:46:04I'll be all alone in that compound.

01:46:07With an insane killer who has a thing for me.

01:46:11This is the stupidest thing I've ever done in my life.

01:46:15For sure.

01:46:17So...

01:46:19Tyler interrupts my thoughts.

01:46:21What are we doing?

01:46:23And I nod my head.

01:46:26We get out of the car, holding hands as we walk to the door surrounding the shoe polish windows.

01:46:31There's a camera over the door.

01:46:33So it opens as we get to the threshold.

01:46:36And then we're across and inside.

01:46:39We're entering a new life.

01:46:41Holding hands.

01:46:42Scared.

01:46:43Probably for very different reasons.

01:46:46And the door closes behind us.

01:46:48Hey. Thanks for coming.

01:46:51Says Ricky.

01:46:52He's wearing gym clothes.

01:46:54A tight t-shirt that shows off his muscles and some cut-off sweats.

01:46:58Which makes sense in context.

01:47:00Because there are blue mats on the floor and some kickboxing bags hanging from steel beams overhead.

01:47:06And weight machines and stuff.

01:47:08Tyler doesn't answer Ricky.

01:47:10He's busy taking it all in.

01:47:12Fuck is this shit?

01:47:14Tyler says, panning his hand around.

01:47:16This is Emily.

01:47:18Says Ricky, gesturing to the young woman next to him.

01:47:21She's about my age, which surprises me.

01:47:24I don't know why I thought she'd be older.

01:47:28She's not wearing any makeup, but is still very pretty.

01:47:31Like Ricky, she's also wearing shorts and a t-shirt.

01:47:34She's got on a baseball cap and has a long blonde ponytail pulled through the opening in the back.

01:47:40Honestly, she looks more like a sorority girl going to a charity softball game than a DEA agent.

01:47:47I also notice she's staring at Ricky, but trying not to at the same time.

01:47:52She extends her hand and says,

01:47:55Tyler walks past her outstretched hand and keeps yelling,

01:48:03He gestures at the equipment and punches one of the heavy bags.

01:48:07Shit.

01:48:08What happened to,

01:48:13Ricky raises his hands.

01:48:15It is intel gathering.

01:48:17And we're going to go over all that.

01:48:19How we want her to do it.

01:48:21What we want her to ask.

01:48:24How she gets out of situations she's not comfortable in.

01:48:27All that.

01:48:28But just in case she needs it, we'd like her to have a few tricks she can use.

01:48:33Tricks?

01:48:34Oh, fucking David Copperfield, Jesus.

01:48:38Tyler stalks around the space for a moment, kind of walking in circles.

01:48:42The three of us watch him.

01:48:44Tyler-

01:48:45Emily starts.

01:48:47And what the fuck are you even doing here?

01:48:49Tyler shouts, stomping over to Ricky and shoving his finger in Ricky's face.

01:48:53I thought you were in deep cover.

01:48:57He says, drawing out the words deep cover mockingly.

01:49:01I am, says Ricky coolly.

01:49:04In fact, I'm on a job for Carlos right now.

01:49:08Picking up $4.6 million that's owed to him by someone whose name you probably know.

01:49:14Or that's where he believes me to be.

01:49:17Tyler gives a slow clap.

01:49:19Oh, yeah?

01:49:21Well, who fucking raw for you, pal?

01:49:24But you know something?

01:49:25You sure as shit don't look like a fucking drug dealer to me.

01:49:29Know what you do look like?

01:49:31What's that?

01:49:32A fucking DEA agent who I don't fucking trust.

01:49:37Ricky nods.

01:49:38Fair enough.

01:49:39No reason you should, brother.

01:49:42Tyler stiffens at the last word in that sentence.

01:49:45I ain't your fucking brother.

01:49:47Know what?

01:49:48Fuck it.

01:49:49Let's just do this shit.

01:49:50Who's this?

01:49:51He points at Emily.

01:49:52Emily looks at Ricky, who shakes his head a bit like,

01:49:55don't make a thing out of it.

01:49:57Uh, I'm Emily, she says.

01:50:00We talked on...

01:50:01Yeah, yeah, says Tyler,

01:50:03walking past her and sitting down on an old leather couch

01:50:06next to a couple of mismatched chairs

01:50:09and a table with fruit on it for some reason.

01:50:12Ricky turns to me now.

01:50:14You okay?

01:50:15I nod at him, feigning a confidence that he can surely tell his bullshit.

01:50:20Emily?

01:50:21He says, putting his hand out, gesturing for her to take the floor.

01:50:25Emily nods and steps forward.

01:50:28So, she says before Tyler shouts,

01:50:31And who the fuck is this?

01:50:33Looks like she just showed up from fucking Rush Week.

01:50:36Tyler, I say to him with a clenched jaw.

01:50:40He gives me a look.

01:50:42I respond with a wide-eyed stare,

01:50:44and he nods and twists his head around in resignation.

01:50:48I see the kid I knew before,

01:50:50and the man I know today all at once,

01:50:53and I almost smile.

01:50:55Almost.

01:50:56But I'm pulled back into the now by Emily, saying,

01:51:00Mostly what we want to do today is give you some basic hand-to-hand skills

01:51:04you can use in the event things happen that require you to engage in force.

01:51:09Like, what kind of things are you thinking about?

01:51:12I ask her.

01:51:13She glances at Ricky, who nods slightly.

01:51:16Like any number of things, she says.

01:51:20You mean, like rape, I say.

01:51:22It's not a question.

01:51:24She takes a breath and nods.

01:51:26Can I ask you something?

01:51:28I say to her.

01:51:30Of course.

01:51:31How long have you been doing this?

01:51:33This job?

01:51:34I've been an agent for two and a half years.

01:51:37And have you ever done anything like what I'm about to do?

01:51:41She looks at Ricky again.

01:51:43Don't look at him.

01:51:44I say to her.

01:51:45I'm the one asking you the question.

01:51:47Have you ever done anything at all like what I'm about to do?

01:51:51Put yourself in a situation where you're basically bait.

01:51:54No, ma'am, I haven't.

01:51:56I stiffen at that.

01:51:58How old are you?

01:51:59I ask her.

01:52:00Twenty-five.

01:52:01Yeah, me too.

01:52:03Please don't call me ma'am.

01:52:05I don't say it in a snarky way,

01:52:08but this whole thing is already weird enough

01:52:10without somebody I could have partied with in college calling me ma'am.

01:52:14But, Emily says,

01:52:17I was captured and held captive for 11 days in Sao Paulo

01:52:21by the Commando Vermelho

01:52:23and managed to extract myself and reach safety without being raped or murdered,

01:52:27so there are some ideas I feel like I can contribute.

01:52:31I glance at Tyler, who raises his eyebrows with a look that says,

01:52:35Well, shit, okay.

01:52:37I look back at Emily.

01:52:39All right, then, I say.

01:52:41She smiles a tight, official government smile.

01:52:46Over the next couple of days, you and I will talk about everything.

01:52:49Any questions you have,

01:52:50ways in which you can insulate yourself once you're inside, etc.

01:52:54But since Ricky can only be with us for today...

01:52:58Deep cover.

01:52:59Ricky interrupts and glances over at Tyler, who gives Ricky the finger.

01:53:04Since Ricky is only here for today,

01:53:06Emily continues,

01:53:08we want to work on some self-defense tactics

01:53:10in the highly unlikely event you need to utilize them.

01:53:15The fact that she stresses highly unlikely so much makes me highly nervous,

01:53:20which is probably the opposite effect she intended for it to have.

01:53:25I swallow and say,

01:53:27Okay.

01:53:28Again.

01:53:29Ricky steps up and says,

01:53:31There are some gym clothes in a changing area over there.

01:53:35He nods to the back.

01:53:37You feel like putting those on and then giving a few things a try?

01:53:41Sure.

01:53:42In for a gram, in for a kilo.

01:53:45I joke.

01:53:46I'm not sure Ricky and Emily find it funny, but I don't care.

01:53:49It's my ass on the line.

01:53:52I head to the back,

01:53:53and as I'm walking by the sofa where Tyler is sitting,

01:53:56he stands, takes my arm and whispers,

01:53:59Are you okay?

01:54:01Yeah, I tell him.

01:54:02I'm good.

01:54:03Promise.

01:54:04He nods and gives me a kiss,

01:54:06and as I go to change clothes,

01:54:08I try to convince myself I mean what I said.

01:54:14The whole time I'm changing,

01:54:16I hear a sound I can't quite identify,

01:54:19and when I come back into the space,

01:54:21Ricky is sporting completely unflattering shorts that are far too baggy on me,

01:54:25and a t-shirt that's two sizes too big.

01:54:28I find Tyler wearing boxing gloves,

01:54:31pounding the shit out of a heavy bag that's suspended from one of the steel beams.

01:54:36Stuffing is coming out with every strike he lands,

01:54:39and it looks like he's going to send it flying off its mooring at any second.

01:54:44Ricky and Emily stand back and watch with what looks to me like a bit of admiration.

01:54:50He's all sweaty, and I step up next to him, wiping moisture off his cheek.

01:54:56Are you okay? I whisper.

01:54:58He nods.

01:54:59Yep, too good, he says,

01:55:02then referencing to what I have on.

01:55:05This is hot.

01:55:06Fuck you, I say with a smile.

01:55:09Okay, he says,

01:55:10and starts taking off his boxing gloves and heading to the back room where I changed.

01:55:15I grin, hit him on the shoulder, and turn to face Ricky and Emily.

01:55:20Ricky stands on a mat and asks,

01:55:23Have you ever taken any kind of self-defense course?

01:55:26Anything like that?

01:55:27Have any training at all?

01:55:29Got approached about being a ring card girl for MMA once.

01:55:33That count?

01:55:34I laugh.

01:55:35Nobody else does.

01:55:37I clear my throat.

01:55:38Um, joking.

01:55:40Sorry, I mean, yeah.

01:55:42Some.

01:55:43What was that?

01:55:44Asks Ricky.

01:55:46I took a little jujitsu for a while.

01:55:49Okay, Ricky says.

01:55:51Also some taekwondo.

01:55:53A little aikido.

01:55:54Oh, and a few months of Wing Chun.

01:55:57Ricky and Emily stare at me.

01:55:59I've tried lots of different stuff over the years.

01:56:02I shrug.

01:56:03All right, Ricky says on a breath.

01:56:06Anything else?

01:56:07I think about it for a minute.

01:56:10Jujitsu, taekwondo, aikido, Wing Chun.

01:56:14Oh, yeah, and some Jeet Kune Do.

01:56:18More stares.

01:56:19It's Bruce Lee's thing.

01:56:21Means way of the intercepting fist.

01:56:24I glance over at Tyler, who's smiling a huge, shit-eating grin.

01:56:28He winks, and I get kind of proud of myself.

01:56:32Okay, says Ricky.

01:56:34Anything else?

01:56:36I shake my head.

01:56:38Don't think so.

01:56:40And how much of that have you retained?

01:56:42Asks Emily.

01:56:44Guess we'll find out, I say.

01:56:46I step onto the mat, and Ricky steps on with me.

01:56:50Have you ever had to defend yourself in a real-world environment?

01:56:54What's the real world?

01:56:56I respond.

01:56:57I mean it.

01:56:58I don't know anymore.

01:56:59He nods at me, and then Tyler says,

01:57:02We know she can handle unlucky Logan, so at least we have that going for us.

01:57:07What do you mean?

01:57:09Asks Ricky.

01:57:10She kicked his stupid ass when he came to see her at Pete's a few weeks ago.

01:57:14Ricky gets a surprised look on his face and says to me,

01:57:18You did that?

01:57:20I shrug.

01:57:21I guess.

01:57:22Yeah, I was pretty pissed off.

01:57:24I don't necessarily remember all of it.

01:57:27Everything kind of just went white,

01:57:29and the next thing I remember, Pete was pulling me off of him.

01:57:32Ricky shakes his head and chuckles.

01:57:34Oh, it's funny, I ask.

01:57:36He told us that Pete and his boys did that.

01:57:39Ricky says,

01:57:40Told Carlos he was checking in on you to see what kind of progress you were making with the money,

01:57:45and that Pete got in his face and things got out of control.

01:57:48Said two big bouncers jumped into the fight too,

01:57:52and he fought off all three of them.

01:57:54Dude, Tyler says,

01:57:56Pete pulled Maddie off of him.

01:57:58That bitch would be telling no stories to anyone right now if Pete hadn't been there.

01:58:04And at that, Ricky's face hollows.

01:58:07What? I ask him.

01:58:09What?

01:58:10That's the whole story Logan used to get Carlos to give him the green light on burning down Pete's.

01:58:16What? I ask again, this time with more urgency in my voice.

01:58:21It wasn't Carlos' idea to burn it down.

01:58:24It was Logan's.

01:58:25He talked Carlos into giving the order by convincing him that Pete had insulted his family,

01:58:30which, of course, Carlos sees as an insult to him.

01:58:33And then when you factor in their history,

01:58:36that ringing sound in my ears is back.

01:58:39Fuck that fucking cunt, says Tyler, which is the same thing I'm thinking.

01:58:46Okay, well, Ricky starts to say,

01:58:49Let's go, I blurt out.

01:58:51My whole body feels like it itches.

01:58:53What? Asks Ricky.

01:58:55Let's go, right now.

01:58:56We're gonna train? Let's train.

01:58:58Come on, come at me. Let's fucking do this.

01:59:01Maddie, why don't you...

01:59:03That's Emily.

01:59:04But the look I shoot her stops her mouth.

01:59:07Then Ricky says,

01:59:08You sure?

01:59:09Fuck yeah, I'm sure.

01:59:11Put me in a chokehold, grab my pussy, whatever.

01:59:14Let's see who's made of what.

01:59:16Maddie.

01:59:17Ricky says,

01:59:18One of the first things we'll actually want to address is your temper.

01:59:21It's not your friend.

01:59:23I know it feels like it is, but it's not.

01:59:25He comes toward me with his arm out like he's gonna calm me down,

01:59:29and I flash back to the morning he drove me home to Vegas from Carlos' compound in...

01:59:34wherever the hell it is,

01:59:36back before he was Richard the DEA agent,

01:59:39when he was just Ricky, the drug-dealing scumbag.

01:59:43Ese es tu problema.

01:59:45Tienes mal genio.

01:59:47He said to me then,

01:59:49That's your problem. You have a bad temper.

01:59:53Yeah, Ricky. You're goddamned right I do.

01:59:57He reaches me with his outstretched hand and I grab him.

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