MONET'S SLUMBER PARTY S01E03 (2024)
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00I thought that was you.
00:24Hey, girl.
00:25I'm Monet X Change, and I am feeling extra fierce about tonight's wall.
00:29Yes.
00:30Look, the room is clean.
00:32So are my panties.
00:33They won't be for long.
00:35And tonight, Monet's slumber party is going to be everything.
00:38You know what?
00:39I want to set the vibes.
00:41Mama, can you play my chill playlist, please?
00:44Just give me a minute.
00:45I'm kind of in the middle of something.
00:46How are you in the middle of something?
00:48You are the worst assistant ever.
00:49Excuse me?
00:50Do you want me to initiate self-destruct?
00:52Because a bitch will.
00:54Ten.
00:55No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
00:56Stop, stop, stop.
00:57I'm kidding.
00:58You're the best assistant ever.
00:59That's what I meant to say.
01:00That's what I thought.
01:01That's what I meant to say.
01:02Fantastic.
01:04My friends are here.
01:05Say hi to Mikey Angelo.
01:07Hello.
01:08Oh, every man remembers his first slumber party.
01:11Hi, Mikey.
01:12Hi, beautiful.
01:13We're just talking.
01:14Mwah.
01:15Mwah.
01:16Bob the Drag Queen.
01:17Monet, are your parents in an open relationship?
01:19Because they were kind of cute.
01:22For Stephanie Valentine.
01:25Hi.
01:30Hello.
01:31Hey, doll.
01:32And Isabella Rowland.
01:33Hello, hello, hello.
01:35Oh.
01:36This is the first time I've ever been invited anywhere.
01:40For good reason.
01:42Oh my God, thank y'all for coming over to the slumber party.
01:45Of course.
01:46None of you RSVP'd, but you made it anyway, so I'm very grateful.
01:49I had nothing better to do.
01:52Or anyone.
01:53I'm missing my grandmother's funeral for this.
01:55Aw, well, you know what?
01:56She won't know you're not there.
01:58It's fine.
01:59It's completely fine.
02:00That's true.
02:01What's up, everybody?
02:02Hi, Mitch.
02:03Hey, what's up, Bob?
02:04Oh, hi.
02:05Oh.
02:06Is there a history there?
02:07What am I missing?
02:08We went to college together.
02:09That's right.
02:10And we were in a a cappella group, too.
02:14We still got it, Mitch.
02:16We still got it.
02:17Y'all should put that album out.
02:18I will listen.
02:19He was kind.
02:20He was beautiful.
02:21Oh, the guests?
02:23I was just working on my affirmations.
02:25Hi, everybody.
02:27Guys, this is Mama.
02:28She's my automated assistant.
02:30Oh, my God.
02:31Hi.
02:32And professional liar.
02:33I'm going to incorporate some daily affirmations into my life.
02:35You should buy Mama.
02:36They're $3.99.
02:37Oh, nice.
02:38I didn't even realize this.
02:39I'm just going to go shop it online for a week.
02:41Oh, OK.
02:42Yeah, I'm expensive.
02:43Yeah.
02:44And you're worth everything.
02:45I'm going to add that.
02:47I is worth it.
02:48I is worth it.
02:54So before we start the festivities tonight,
02:56there are secret tasks in here that you're not supposed to reveal to anybody else.
03:00Your mission is to accomplish this task before we finish the slumber party tonight.
03:05OK, OK.
03:06And if you are found out, if someone gets that you're trying to do the task,
03:10I'm going to slap you with this pillow.
03:11Oh, my God.
03:12If you don't get your task done before the party is over,
03:14you're going to get slapped with this pillow.
03:16Wow.
03:17Is there a scenario where you don't get slapped with a pillow?
03:19No.
03:20Traitors.
03:21Oh, my God.
03:22That's enough.
03:23Hey, do Monet's laundry.
03:25Yeah.
03:26That's not a request.
03:27It's a demand.
03:28Get to it.
03:29Do you pay Mitch for the work he does?
03:30I don't, but he's living rent free, so that's his payment.
03:32There's a word for that.
03:33I think we should get some drinks, shall we?
03:35Please, yes.
03:36I'm going to text my delivery man.
03:37He's normally really good about this.
03:39Delivering drinks?
03:40He should be everywhere.
03:41It's so LA.
03:42There he is.
03:43Monet.
03:44He's cute.
03:45He's very cute.
03:47Monet, you told me that I was the most muscular,
03:49handsome man that you knew.
03:51Who's this?
03:54Shrill little overgrown twinkle.
03:59Thank you so much.
04:00You know what?
04:01He's so fast.
04:02He's so good.
04:03He's so quick.
04:04Cheers, guys.
04:05Let's get wild.
04:07This cocktail is hitting just right.
04:09It's good, right?
04:10Kevin is really good.
04:11He mixed them as well.
04:12She did her thing.
04:13What?
04:14With what?
04:15Kevin.
04:16That's why they taste so good.
04:17UPS is amazing.
04:21So this little game is called Spin the Bottom.
04:23So we're all going to take turns spinning this little bottom on the table,
04:26and there are little questions under each toy,
04:29and you have to answer them honestly.
04:31No lying.
04:33Monet, I locked the door like you asked me to.
04:36No, unlock it.
04:37Oh, I thought we were trapping them for this game.
04:39Oh, I shouldn't have said that out loud?
04:41Yeah.
04:42Oh, damn.
04:43It's giving howl.
04:44Okay.
04:45I'm afraid I can't do that, Monet X Change.
04:47That's the workhouse.
04:48Oh, my God.
04:49I'll go first.
04:50Oh.
04:51So I just spin it?
04:52Yeah, spin the bottom.
04:53Okay.
04:54Our little cum dump.
04:55He's a bottom?
04:56Oh, girl.
04:57Bottoms have all shapes and sizes these days.
05:01Oh, look at her go.
05:02It's like she's at Ibiza.
05:03Oh, the cock lock.
05:06The little cage.
05:07Ooh.
05:09You going to use her?
05:10Yeah, you know, maybe I'll put it on while we're sitting here.
05:12Okay.
05:13What's an embarrassing thing you've done to impress someone?
05:17You know what's really, it's really even more embarrassing when you're trying to impress
05:20a person who doesn't even exist.
05:21When I had, when I, before I moved to LA, I was at San Francisco Pride, and I used to
05:26be, this, anyone who knows me now would know this is very shocking, because I used to be
05:29a helpless romantic.
05:30Like, I used to be like.
05:31You?
05:32I used to be like, so like, it was so like, I just had, I need romance, right?
05:37You watched The Notebook one too many times.
05:39Literally.
05:40I was like, walking around with this giant balloon, this like huge balloon I found, and
05:45I wrote on the front of it, this balloon is for my future husband.
05:51And I was also wasted.
05:53Were you going out to random people?
05:55Any, any, anyone with a pulse.
05:57They would be like, they were like, it's not, baby, it's not me.
06:00Did anyone buy it at all?
06:01They all said, I'm going home.
06:02Everyone is going to Pride to find their husband.
06:05I bet all of them now are like, I wish I would have accepted the balloon.
06:08So, you know.
06:09It could have been Mr. or Mrs. The Drag Queen.
06:11Honestly.
06:12Mike, do you want to spin next?
06:13I would love to spin.
06:16The dildos.
06:17The dildos?
06:18They're all dildos.
06:19Anything's a dildo if you're brave enough.
06:22Mama?
06:23Oh, yeah.
06:24Oh, okay, bye.
06:27What's the most valuable thing you've stolen?
06:30Okay, is this off the record?
06:31Yeah, we're not filming at all.
06:33Probably someone's boyfriend.
06:35Oh.
06:36Oh, you have to give details on that.
06:37No, I understand.
06:39Are you a homewrecker?
06:40You're a homewrecker.
06:41No, no.
06:42I'm actually a polyamorous king these days.
06:44Okay.
06:45But you've never involved in something potential?
06:47I will say, in my high school days, there was some stealing involved.
06:52But, you know, that's just high school drama department for you.
06:54High school don't count.
06:55Were you stealing or were you being stolen from?
06:57Stealing.
06:58Oh, I like that, Mikey.
07:00I like that for you.
07:01I was really just advocating for polyamory.
07:03You were like, I'm setting you free.
07:05Extreme activism.
07:08It's just wild to me that you went to a school with more than one queer person.
07:12I can't even imagine high school is now.
07:14They're probably all open and poly and everything now.
07:16Like, high school now?
07:17Yeah.
07:18That's beautiful.
07:19I'll spin the bottom.
07:20I've never done this before.
07:21Spin her hard.
07:23Oh, that's a fun one.
07:24A little tie-dye 70s.
07:26A little tie-dye.
07:27Smack someone with this.
07:29Let's see.
07:32Who's a celebrity crush you're embarrassed of?
07:35Oh, God.
07:37Something I'm embarrassed of.
07:38I can't even think of one.
07:40What is shame?
07:42You have to have shame to be embarrassed.
07:44This is from when I was, like, 12 and discovering, you know, queer identity.
07:49Not aware that I was a woman at the time.
07:52My black ass had a crush on Eminem.
07:55Okay, Eminem was hot, though.
07:57He was hot.
07:58And you know what?
07:59Ate my Eminem.
08:00Yeah.
08:01There was a commercial that came out, not of the movie, but to promote the album that
08:05he was in, and he was shirtless, and he was fine.
08:07And that's why I had a crush on Eminem.
08:09Yeah.
08:10He was hot.
08:11You wanted to lose yourself in the moment.
08:12I really did.
08:13I wanted to lose myself in his moment.
08:14Okay, baby, want to go?
08:15Yeah.
08:16Is he also a sex toy?
08:18Yes.
08:19Again, anything.
08:20Anything.
08:21Feels like it.
08:22If you're brave enough.
08:23I'm a sex worker.
08:24Ooh.
08:25He's working for something.
08:26I'm rolling confetti.
08:27Yeah, confetti.
08:28A confetti dildo.
08:29That's hot.
08:30Mom's confetti.
08:31Really, bitch?
08:32Call back.
08:33I learned or realized way too late, plan B doesn't work.
08:37There you have it.
08:39That's sort of it.
08:41Yeah.
08:42I'm going to spin, Kevin.
08:43I mean, the bottom.
08:44Ooh.
08:45These rainbow butt plugs.
08:47These are fun.
08:48Beautiful.
08:49You can gauge up.
08:50By the way, all these things are dishwasher safe, just so you know.
08:53Nice.
08:54Honestly, I can start.
08:55Convenient.
08:56If I need to work my way up to this, what am I even doing?
08:59Am I gay?
09:00Let's not judge people on their journey.
09:02You might be a top.
09:03Well, I'm saying I can start here, okay?
09:05Bitch, don't get caught.
09:08Some of us are on a journey.
09:10Was there ever a teacher or boss you had a crush on?
09:14Oh, absolutely.
09:15My seventh grade gym teacher, Mr. Martinez.
09:18Mr. Martinez was Puerto Rican, and he had like an A.C. Slater,
09:21like from Saved by the Bell, kind of haircut.
09:23Oh, my God.
09:24Mr. Martinez.
09:25Tim Martinez, a PS198.
09:26Were we dancing?
09:27Now we're dancing.
09:29But, I mean, I went to school at Marine Park Junior High School in Brooklyn.
09:32We were rowdy as fuck, so he would always be like,
09:34one of those teachers, I'm counting to whatever,
09:36and we would always laugh at him.
09:38He would never stop when he was talking, but I would always stop.
09:40Because in case Mr. Martinez ever thought I was beautiful,
09:42I wanted him to be like, that's the one.
09:44He respects me.
09:45He loves me.
09:46So I would always pay attention to Mr. Martinez.
09:48Wow.
09:49What a horny pick-me story.
09:51I was.
09:52I was definitely a pick-me girl, for sure.
09:54Is it me again?
09:55Yes.
09:56I'm so glad I didn't get that one.
09:59No, seriously.
10:00Ooh.
10:01Is this a vibrator?
10:02Yes.
10:03I feel it's for flip stimulation.
10:05Yeah.
10:06And it's very aggressive.
10:07Yeah.
10:08Noted.
10:09What's the most times you've climaxed in one day?
10:12Oh.
10:13Oh, my God.
10:14I wish I had an exciting answer for you, but, like, you know,
10:16I feel like I was, like, hooking up with someone recently,
10:19and they were like, you're not ready again?
10:21I was like, my refractory period is, like, two weeks.
10:24Like, maybe if you're trying to go again tonight,
10:26I don't know what you're going to have to watch the whole first season
10:29of Breaking Bad before I'm ready to get back in the habit.
10:32You know what I mean?
10:33I feel like everyone at 14 has that day where they're like,
10:36let's see how many times.
10:38I've probably done it, like, maybe three times.
10:41That's it?
10:42Maybe.
10:43And, I mean, that's if I wake up early and I go to sleep late
10:45and I get bored in the middle of the day.
10:47But once I do it, honestly, I'm like, because also, for me,
10:51my entire body chemistry, my mind changes.
10:57The moment the poison called semen leaves your body,
11:02your clarity, you're like, you look up and you're like,
11:06there's blood everywhere.
11:08There's a hole in the wall.
11:10I've ripped the bed in half.
11:12What was I thinking?
11:14Do you orgasm to Snowpiercer or something?
11:16Like, what the fuck?
11:17But also, when I'm by myself, when I'm by myself,
11:20literally less than a minute.
11:22Oh, God.
11:23If it's me alone and I got shit to do.
11:251,000%.
11:26Bob, I need you to value time with yourself.
11:28Okay, how many orgasms have you given in one 24-hour period?
11:32I would say maybe, like, somewhere between 10 and 15.
11:37Damn.
11:38You're a good person.
11:39God damn.
11:40But if it's someone who has a peculiar...
11:41You're diligent.
11:42I've given about, I think the most I've ever given to multiple
11:45people was probably seven.
11:47I've done a dude three times in one day.
11:50Okay.
11:51For one guy.
11:52Like throughout the day or like...
11:54No, no, within the two-hour period.
11:56Oh.
11:57Yeah.
11:58Wait, how many times in two hours?
11:59Three.
12:00Actually, that's not too crazy.
12:01Really?
12:02That's crazy.
12:03I was giving him head for a lot longer than I think I would ever
12:08do again for a person.
12:10Girl.
12:11Is sucking dick not it for you?
12:13No, I love doing it, but I literally gave him head for two hours.
12:17I did it for an hour and a half.
12:18It was the worst hour and a half of my life.
12:20My jaw ached.
12:21You can really do permanent damage.
12:23Oh, it was terrible.
12:25I'm pretty sure I gave myself TMJ that day.
12:27It was terrible.
12:28Same.
12:29I hated it.
12:30I had never wanted to do that for two hours.
12:32How long have you sucked dick for before and you were like,
12:34oh, this is great?
12:35I remember sucking this one dick.
12:36You remember that dick I said you gave me?
12:37I remember.
12:38How long was that one, though?
12:40That was probably like three hours.
12:42Three hours?
12:43Yeah, girl!
12:44No!
12:45Three hours?
12:46But if you do what you love, you'll never work at it any longer.
12:50Mike, you want to spin?
12:51Yes.
12:55Damn, that's a flyer.
12:57What are they, beads?
12:58Yeah, they're beads.
12:59I've never seen them at my IRL before.
13:00They're pretty.
13:01Mitch, I wanted to know how many times you've made someone cum in a day.
13:04I'll tell you this, I polished my horn for about three days straight once.
13:08That's Monet's hamper.
13:09I think there's a lot of cum probably.
13:11There's a lot of socks.
13:12There's a lot of crispy socks in that hamper.
13:15I never was in the phase of cumming in socks.
13:17I never had that phase.
13:18I beg to differ, and I would like to submit to you all evidence A.
13:24It shatters.
13:27Okay, who is an artist you think is untalented or overrated?
13:33What are you going to say, Mikey?
13:34This is the craziest slumber party I have ever been to.
13:38Oh, my God.
13:39Okay, so maybe not necessarily untalented, but I might, like, personal taste.
13:45Say it with your chest.
13:46This is so scary.
13:47Oh, my God.
13:48Mikey, we had a conversation the other day.
13:52You know, I've never gotten into Imagine Dragons.
13:56I don't know.
13:57Imagine Dragons could be in this room, and I wouldn't know what the hell that was.
14:00I am unimagining dragons.
14:01I have no idea who they are.
14:02I don't know if Imagine Dragons is...
14:04There's just a specific type of person who listens to Imagine Dragons,
14:07and it couldn't be further from that.
14:08Without singing in a Imagine Dragons song,
14:10can you just give me what it sounds like?
14:12It's like...
14:15Is it organic?
14:16It's Latin.
14:17It's Latin.
14:18It's like rock?
14:19Yes.
14:20Got it.
14:23What you're doing is offensive to Kings of Leon.
14:27Okay, we have a couple more.
14:28Wait, I want to answer this one, too.
14:29Oh.
14:31Okay, Sven, your turn.
14:33Look at that little mini...
14:34It's a bullet.
14:35Is that what it's called?
14:36It looks like a massage gun.
14:37Yeah, it looks like an Itachi, like a tiny Itachi.
14:39Medically advisable.
14:40You really lose yourself in the moment with that thing.
14:42What's a big lie you got away with?
14:46This is the opposite,
14:47but my mom always thought I stole my grandma's cigarettes.
14:51And I never did.
14:55My friend, I think, stole my grandma's cigarettes.
14:58Like consistently, or like one pack?
14:59One pack.
15:00Oh.
15:01In my bag.
15:02And she was like, you took your grandma's cigarettes.
15:03And I was like, I fucking did not.
15:06Did you smoke?
15:07I did as a child, later.
15:10What in the Drew Barrymore is going on?
15:12But I was like, I'm above this, okay?
15:15I know I'm in third grade,
15:16but I'm above stealing cigarettes from my grandmother.
15:18I'm not taking grandma's cigarettes.
15:20I will go work for my own cigarettes.
15:21Yeah.
15:22She keeps bringing it up.
15:24Still?
15:25I'm like, I'm 30.
15:26You should just start doing baseless accusations at her.
15:29I don't know.
15:30Okay, this also isn't the answer,
15:32but my grandma lied about having fucked Sidney Poitier for 10 years.
15:37She told us the night, I think, 2005,
15:39when Sidney Poitier got the Lifetime Achievement Award at the Oscars.
15:43And we used to have big Oscars parties.
15:45And she went, fuck you.
15:47How did you find out she lied?
15:48What?
15:49She told us.
15:50Honestly, she lied.
15:51She said, and by the way, it was Bobby Hooks.
15:54Who's Bobby Hooks?
15:55Not as popular actor.
15:56Got it.
15:57In her defense, that's not as good of a story.
15:59She told, it's not as good of a story.
16:00It's not as good of a story.
16:01And that was like my personality.
16:04I was like, my grandma fucked Sidney Poitier.
16:07You need everyone to know this.
16:09You still have the fact that you lost your virginity at Robert Downey Jr.'s house.
16:12Wait, what?
16:15Iron Man?
16:16I'm sorry.
16:17Mouth virginity.
16:19Mouth virginity.
16:20Yeah.
16:21Who hasn't lost their mouth virginity at Robert Downey Jr.'s house?
16:25Yeah, exactly.
16:26Okay, but Stephanie, your turn.
16:27I just fell out of the back of you there.
16:29I have the best view.
16:30Oh, I get the special bad dragon.
16:32Imagine that dragon.
16:34So, have you had a Karen moment or left a really bad review?
16:38So, I am half white.
16:41So, yes, I fucking have.
16:43Tell us the story.
16:44Oh, God.
16:45I lost my shit at a post office worker when I first moved to LA.
16:52I had mail forwarded to me that was under my name, Persephone.
16:56My name, Persephone.
16:58But it's not on my ID.
17:00And it got held at the post office.
17:03And they weren't going to let me claim it because it didn't match the name of my ID.
17:08Even though I had stuff proving it was my address.
17:11So, this poor man got to listen to me scream at him for approximately five minutes at the top of my lungs before I came to my senses and apologized.
17:24I love that you apologized.
17:25You apologized though.
17:26Well, not only did I apologize, also he gave me the mail because he felt bad.
17:30Is that?
17:31Oh, wow.
17:32He was like, I'll break the law.
17:33I felt bad.
17:34Yeah.
17:35He totally broke the law.
17:37Can you say his full name and address?
17:38So, his name to mama, you can release it on the internet, was…
17:41Mr. Tim Martinez.
17:43Mr. Tim Martinez.
17:45Tim Martinez.
17:46When I first moved to LA, I was over in Los Feliz.
17:51Los Feliz.
17:52I ended up basically in the same scenario trying to like, not that scenario obviously, but like where you're angry and you're in a new place and you're like trying to figure shit out and then you just lose your fucking cool, so.
18:03And you were just at a Van Leeuwen.
18:04And I was at a Van Leeuwen.
18:05I just realized my butt bugs have jewels at the end of them.
18:07So, like you put this in and, do you take pictures of it?
18:10Oh, wow.
18:11It looks nice.
18:12I've definitely seen them in porn, yeah.
18:14What's the Lady Gaga song with the jewels?
18:18Manicure?
18:19I can pull it out.
18:20It is warm.
18:22Okay, there's one last one.
18:23What conspiracy theory do you believe in?
18:26Oh, this is good.
18:28Chloe Kardashian.
18:30Which one does she not believe in?
18:32Post Aliens.
18:34Monsters.
18:36I don't believe in monsters.
18:37That's not real.
18:38Clearly.
18:39Erasing speech's culture?
18:42Crazy.
18:43Seriously.
18:44You are valid.
18:49Come in.
18:52Oh, my God.
18:54Hey, money.
18:55Daddy, how are you doing?
18:57Well, Daddy's had a very long day at work.
18:59Do you mind if I take a nap?
19:01I mean, we were just hanging out, but sure, you can.
19:06It's kind of awkward.
19:07Your dad's here and there are all these sex toys everywhere.
19:10Come on over here, Daddy.
19:12Make yourself at home.
19:15Shoes on the bed?
19:16I was about to say, you want to put his shoes here?
19:18But he's the daddy.
19:19I guess he does what he wants.
19:20He's put a lot of things in a lot of places, okay?
19:22I can see that for sure.
19:23I can't support incest.
19:25You can.
19:26You're just choosing not to.
19:27I don't want to be a part of that community.
19:29Shh.
19:30You're sorry.
19:31I'm sorry.
19:32Listen, I wanted us to have some more fun and some drinks and snacks and shit, but I don't want to wake Daddy up.
19:38I have an idea.
19:39Why?
19:45This is called Don't Wake Leather Daddy.
19:48My friends had to prepare some treats for us, but if they're too loud, Daddy is going to give them a little paddling, a little spanking for being naughty.
19:57Mikey has to carry the tray of stacked cups around the yellow couch, high five me, and set them on the table.
20:04Bob has to pour ice into the buckets, then scoop ice into each cup and shaker.
20:11Persephone has to measure out five shots of liquor and shake it up and serve.
20:16Izzy has to open the cake container, cut a slice, and wrap it in tin foil.
20:23Ready?
20:25Go.
20:26You got this, Mikey.
20:27Mikey, I believe in you, Mikey.
20:29You're so good.
20:30Just be careful.
20:31Carry those cups.
20:32If you're going to weigh the tables.
20:35Okay, Mikey.
20:36Here we're today, and honestly, it's today, not tomorrow.
20:40Can we do one hand under, Mikey?
20:42Okay.
20:44Oh, that doesn't sound good.
20:45Yeah, that doesn't sound good.
20:46Oh, sorry.
20:55This feels like a kinky version of The Quiet Place.
20:57Oh, God.
20:58You dropped a cup.
21:06He's behind me.
21:07He's behind me, Izzy.
21:15I'm waking up.
21:16I'm screaming.
21:18Bob is literally sabotaging Mikey.
21:21Yeah.
21:23Don't forget, you have to high five Monet.
21:29There's a lot of money on his face.
21:30I'm screaming.
21:33Yes.
21:34Serve, honey, serve.
21:35Yes.
21:36Yes, Mikey.
21:37Work.
21:38Work.
21:44I really stuck the landing.
21:45The Simone Biles would drop out.
21:47Fuck.
21:48It's amazing.
21:49Your voice is making me vibrate.
21:51All right, let me see how many of us.
21:53Un, deux, tres, quatre, five.
21:57And, okay, and Mitch.
21:59I think Mitch wants a drink as well.
22:01Of course, obviously.
22:02Why do you have a knife?
22:03Don't ask questions.
22:05Why are you hitting me?
22:13You've got to be quick.
22:22Daddy, use the phone.
22:26Do it.
22:27You've got to do it.
22:28Do it.
22:29What are you waiting for?
22:32Come on, Daddy.
22:33That's right.
22:35Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
22:37Go back to sleep.
22:43Are you putting nails in the cup or ice?
22:45It adds flavor.
22:46I know that them is a nail.
22:48We're thirsty, Mitch.
22:59Uh-oh.
23:00Yep, Daddy, it's the same one.
23:02What are you doing?
23:04Elbow down.
23:05Great.
23:07Okay, for 70.
23:08We need to put the liquor in the cups.
23:14You're being too...
23:19You have to...
23:20I don't know how to make drinks, Mitch.
23:21People buy them for me.
23:23People buy them for me.
23:24Guys, we're fighting with each other.
23:25And we need to work together.
23:28Okay, okay.
23:30Please don't over-serve.
23:32Mitch.
23:33In the shaker.
23:35Did you put liquor in the shaker?
23:36I'm doing the other ones.
23:38Mitch, we're on the same team.
23:39Drink.
23:40Jesus Christ.
23:42Oh, shit.
23:43It was that one, Daddy.
23:44It was that one.
23:45Here comes Daddy.
23:46And here comes me.
23:47You're in trouble.
23:48Actually, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy.
23:49It was actually Bob.
23:50Bob did that one.
23:51Yes, fake Bob.
23:52Yeah, it was me.
23:56I don't know why.
23:58I don't know what I was thinking.
24:01I did that again.
24:23Oh, you're in trouble.
24:27Okay.
24:28Yeah, there we go.
24:30Oh, yeah.
24:31Perfect.
24:32Perfect, perfect.
24:33Now, Izzy, we need to open up the cake.
24:36Cut a slice.
24:37And wrap it up in some foil.
24:42She's gonna open it first, Bob.
24:44Bob, why are you brandishing a knife?
24:47Put the knife down.
24:49We all feel unsafe.
24:51Put the knife down.
24:57Put the knife down.
25:03Okay, okay.
25:12Dad, it was Bob.
25:13It was Bob.
25:14They're gaslighting you.
25:15They are gaslighting you.
25:18How could it be me?
25:20It was both of us.
25:22No jury in the world will believe you.
25:24I am Spartacus.
25:28Yeah.
25:36Just manhandling the cake again.
25:39You have to cut this up.
25:41I do.
25:42Just one slice.
25:46Bitch, I'll steal you.
25:48That looks like the saddest Chipotle burrito.
25:52Good job.
25:53Okay, get all the cups together and do our big cheers.
25:56Yay!
26:01Daddy, that one was me.
26:06Come on, Daddy, bring us home.
26:12I saw that tickle.
26:14She's done that before.
26:18I want to remind people that there are the secret moves that we talked about that should be happening.
26:23I don't know if anyone is forgetting to do them or if you've done them just so much.
26:28That's a thing we're doing today.
26:30It's like you're reminding yourself.
26:32Don't worry about me.
26:34Watch TV.
26:36Nobody asked me what a crumb you lit was when I said it.
26:38We didn't want to sound stupid.
26:40Oh.
26:41Come in.
26:42Hey, Monet.
26:43Hi, Kevin.
26:44Did you just circle the block?
26:45I don't really think that's any of your business.
26:47Whether or not I have my ear on the door.
26:49Just your ear?
26:50Leave Kevin alone.
26:51He's a great mailman.
26:52I tip him every year.
26:53He gets a Christmas card, a birthday card.
26:55I think we need to say thank you.
26:56Thank you, Kevin.
26:58Try not to get chased by dogs around the neighborhood.
27:00Woof, woof.
27:02I love that you formed such a strong bond with your stalker.
27:04Honestly, you took a negative and really flipped him to a positive.
27:07I mean, if that's a stalker, I want one.
27:10Speaking of, we have some letters here from some fans.
27:12You know, life is hard.
27:14And I think people have some questions about some tough things in their life and we can give them some good advice.
27:18It's a little segment here we call Love, Monet.
27:22You play the electric guitar right here?
27:29And you know what to help us.
27:30I have a friend in town and she's going to stop by.
27:32Say hi to Jessica Ross.
27:34Hello.
27:37I'm Monet's other daddy.
27:40Are you going to spank us too?
27:42I can.
27:43I hope so.
27:44Jessica, how you doing, girl?
27:45I'm doing great. How are you?
27:46You look great. I love your ensemble.
27:48Coming from you, you're so beautiful. Thank you.
27:51We just said thank you.
27:53Should we leave?
27:54I'm going to vomit.
27:55And hi, Mama.
27:57Hey, Jess.
27:58Okay, first question.
28:00Years ago, I had a friend with benefits.
28:03We're still friends today, but our sexual relationship fizzled out without us ever talking about it.
28:08I was fine when this happened, but now I find myself incredibly attracted to them once again.
28:13How can I reignite our benefits without it being awkward?
28:17I feel like if it's already going to be too awkward for you to just be like,
28:21hey, do you want to hook up again?
28:23Then that's, you already have, it's too awkward to go there.
28:26You should be able to just literally be like, hey, I'm interested in taking it back to that.
28:31Especially if you've hooked up before.
28:33Yeah, they're already done dirty.
28:35Do it while Chicken Run is playing in the background.
28:38Just find someone new.
28:39I mean, really, if you're not going to have the balls to talk about it, just find someone new.
28:44Also, how good was the dick that you just have to go back?
28:46And how good was the dick that you forgot about the dick and then you went back?
28:49Yeah, like having a years-long hiatus is what I'm gauging.
28:52People change over time.
28:53They may see the dick in a new light now.
28:55They might have met other dicks and then appreciate that dick more now.
29:01You're not the dick you were yesterday.
29:03Yeah, exactly.
29:04There's no harm in asking, though, as long as you're not interrupting whatever they got going on now.
29:08You can just ask, but I would just move on.
29:11Slip it into the itinerary.
29:12Slip it into the itinerary.
29:13We can go to the movies.
29:14We can get a snack.
29:15Suck your dick.
29:17Parking.
29:18Earhole.
29:19They just drop you off at home.
29:21Has anyone ever eaten pussy or sucked dick at a movie theater?
29:23At a movie theater?
29:25Yeah.
29:26I've sucked dick throughout the entire—
29:27What's that movie where Julia Roberts is in space?
29:29Or Sandra Bullock?
29:30Gravity?
29:31Gravity.
29:32The whole movie.
29:33The whole—
29:34Was this a three-hour?
29:36I'm telling you, at the back of my gullet, the entire movie.
29:42I only heard that movie the whole time.
29:45My friend gave a handjob to Borat.
29:48Borat.
29:49I could see that.
29:50That kind of feels fitting.
29:51Wait, they sucked dick or ate pussy?
29:53Handjob.
29:54A handjob.
29:55Yeah.
29:56I'm not into handies.
29:57I'm like, I can do that myself.
29:58That's how I feel when performing them.
30:00I'm like, I don't feel like I'm as good as the master.
30:04Also, sometimes I've seen someone I've woken up with jerk themselves off, and sometimes the way that they—
30:09It's like, that's different.
30:10Yeah, it's like different.
30:11It's like, are you mad at it?
30:12Yeah, and also—
30:13That's not how I would go about it.
30:15By the way, if you're waking up with a bisexual, wear nails on one hand and have calluses from lifting weights on the other one.
30:22The best of both worlds.
30:23Yep, and just tell them to close their eyes.
30:25Bob, you're an innovator.
30:26You really are.
30:27I really am the Madame C.J. Walker of my generation.
30:32Well, this is the next question.
30:35Dear Monet, I get limited space left for new tattoos and too many games, books, movies I love to choose from.
30:42If you were in my shoes, how would you narrow down what you wanted to get tattooed?
30:47XOXO Shelby.
30:49I have so many tattoos at this point.
30:51If you just like something, I'm like, get it.
30:53Unless your entire body is covered up like some British guy, you have space to get new tattoos.
30:59British guy?
31:00I'm sorry, can you clarify what that means?
31:02Are you thinking Russell Brand?
31:03No, British dudes have a lot.
31:05Harry Styles.
31:06Yeah, they have a lot of tattoos.
31:08Is Harry Styles covered in tattoos?
31:09Yes.
31:10I mean, but also like Machine Gun Kelly is covered in tattoos.
31:13Yeah, but I think a lot of British guys often have tattoos.
31:16That's not y'all's experience?
31:18No, you're right.
31:19Yes.
31:20Is King Charles tatted?
31:22That's why he wears those suits, girl.
31:24He's trying to cover it up.
31:25I like a blast over.
31:27Have you seen those?
31:28What does that mean?
31:29Where people start to like get tattoos over their tattoos.
31:32Do they look good?
31:33No.
31:34That sounds like horrible advice.
31:37Honestly, if you cannot decide between a book, a movie, or a TV show, just put three in a bag.
31:41Be careful with IP, because we didn't know about J.K. Rowling, and now everybody's got a Harry Potter tattoo.
31:48Does anyone have a blast over or a cover up tattoo?
31:50I need a blast over real bad.
31:52Which one?
31:53I have a few tattoos.
31:54This is my worst one.
31:55But I kind of love it because of how bad it is.
31:57Carol Channing?
31:58No, Carol Channing is great.
31:59This one.
32:00What is it?
32:01It's so bad.
32:02But honestly, it's kind of iconic, though, a little bit.
32:04What does it say?
32:05Can you read it, Mikey?
32:06Is it words?
32:07It's okay to make mistakes.
32:09The joke was supposed to be that I used the wrong mistake, but the joke is now that it's completely unintelligible.
32:14Was this because of your makeup?
32:15It's all smooshed.
32:16Oh, yeah.
32:17No, it was meeting you.
32:18That's what my parents said.
32:22I got this weird jester tattoo a couple years ago, and I was asking my partner, now husband, where I was like,
32:30maybe I'll get it on my back.
32:32And he was like, yeah, back would be cool.
32:33And then he was like, actually, don't get a scary clown on your back for no reason.
32:40And that's foresight.
32:41That's the kind of man you want to raise a child with right there.
32:43And you are.
32:44Honestly, but it will give us something to aim, you know what I mean?
32:47There you go.
32:48If he can get the cum all the way down to that clown, he's a shooter.
32:52Like a carnival game.
32:53Yeah, target practice.
32:54I love a shooter.
32:55Don't you love a shooter?
32:56The problem with a shooter, though, is that when you are fucking and sometimes you don't –
33:02I feel like if you have an active shooter, they should let you know.
33:05Oh, please.
33:06An active shooter?
33:07Please.
33:08If you are a shooter –
33:09Please.
33:10Consider your language.
33:13If you are going to shoot, you need to let me know beforehand because cum in the eye is very painful.
33:18Your eye is red for upwards of four days.
33:21So get the tattoo, whatever you want.
33:23Just pick something.
33:24You'll find something.
33:25My roommates and I are moving into a very pretty and affordable three-story house.
33:30The only problem is that we all have extremely different aesthetics.
33:34I am very into the cottagecore vibe, and two of my roommates love minimalist gold geometric figures.
33:41What to do?
33:42XOXO Ants.
33:43I've lived this.
33:44Run.
33:45Don't go.
33:46Don't do it.
33:47Are you the minimalist or the maximalist?
33:48I'm a maximalist.
33:50So cook home layers.
33:51Do not come.
33:52Do not come.
33:53Like Ikea level ugly?
33:55If you're willing to save money, you can let your roommates go crazy because I care what the house looks like.
34:03But if it's between spending a couple –
34:05It's like if you get to run rampant and design however you want, I'm like, girls, I'm not going to buy anything.
34:10You spend the money, and when you leave, you can take it with you, but I get to save money on the furniture.
34:14No, your house is your sanctuary.
34:15At the end of the day, I do not want to come back to a fucked-up, ugly-ass house that I don't want to be in.
34:19Didn't you have your bedroom your theme, and then their bedroom their theme?
34:24And it's fucking shit everywhere else in the rest of the house?
34:26How about?
34:27Different design style on every floor.
34:29See?
34:30Okay, I could get into something like that.
34:31Okay, that would be cool.
34:32Well, aren't you diplomatic?
34:33Cottagecore.
34:34Aren't you?
34:35Yeah, what the fuck does cottagecore mean?
34:37I think it's like wood.
34:38Like folklore, Taylor Swift.
34:39Skin?
34:40It's a basket.
34:41Edison bulbs.
34:42Folklore.
34:43It's actually an aesthetic that fetishizes rural living and romanticizes it.
34:49Wicker baskets.
34:51Wicker baskets.
34:52I'm sorry.
34:53Poorly-made corsets from Sheehan.
34:54Stones with moss on it.
34:56Did we solve their problem?
34:57No.
34:58Who cares?
34:59Who cares?
35:00Okay, dear Monet, I'm a burlesque performer looking to elevate my act.
35:06However, the act involves pouring chicken sauce on my body to a song about chicken tenders.
35:13I'm really struggling with Copsy Rich.
35:15Please help.
35:16It's my most popular act.
35:18Damn, Violet Chomsky's having a rough time.
35:20I was gonna say Plain Jane.
35:22I was gonna say Cornbread.
35:24Monet, can we send him these chicken feathers right here?
35:26Chicken feathers?
35:28Excuse you.
35:29We kill ostriches here, not chickens.
35:32Do you really need to elevate your act more than chicken sauce on your fucking titties?
35:36It sounds elevated.
35:38I think you're in the penthouse, baby.
35:40They want to elevate it.
35:42They want to elevate the act.
35:43Maybe instead of pouring the chicken sauce to a song about chicken tenders, they're pouring the chicken sauce to a song about flying.
35:49Oh, I've got it.
35:50They could have a pole and then a rotisserie chicken on the pole.
35:54Oh, my God.
35:55And then red lights.
35:56Yes.
35:57Tie themselves up like a chicken.
35:59They want to elevate it.
36:00Just get the chicken sauce from Erewhon.
36:03Okay, last question.
36:05Dear Monet, my abuma father is in the closet.
36:09I know.
36:10This is getting a little close to home.
36:12I don't know how to broach a conversation about it with him or even if I should.
36:17I'm entirely sure of this for many reasons, ranging from catching him watching porn to noticing Grindr on his phone.
36:25I am polyamorous and live with three of my partners.
36:29One loves cottagecore.
36:31One is a maximalist.
36:34One for each floor.
36:35We could not be a more obviously queer and accepting household, and yet he seems unwilling to be himself.
36:43Is this something I should talk to him about?
36:46This is crazy.
36:47How can I out my dad?
36:48I'm very interested in outing my father.
36:52If you see Grindr on someone's phone, you're looking at their phone.
36:55Stop looking at people's phones.
36:57Sometimes it happens.
36:58You're just sitting here and someone's talking and you're like, hey, how do you catch someone watching porn without creeping on them?
37:07They don't lock their doors or something?
37:10It's called knocking.
37:11Is he watching porn on the couch next to you in the middle of the night while you guys watch The Voice?
37:17I feel like maybe the most appropriate thing to do is to just have conversations about your queerness with your dad openly,
37:24and not necessarily try to nudge him in any sort of direction, but just be more open about your own experiences,
37:29and maybe he'll feel the need to follow.
37:31I just don't think it's anybody's business what your father's doing.
37:34I don't really need to know the details of my fucking parents' sex life.
37:37Maybe they just want to be closer to their dad, right?
37:40If I had a queer parent, I would love to be closer to them and have a bonding thing.
37:45The best way to get close to someone is to respect their boundaries.
37:47Especially as an adult.
37:48If you're a kid and you're learning things and then you can relate to this with your parent, maybe.
37:54But if you're an adult, mind your own ass business.
37:57If they want to talk to you about it, they'll talk to you about it.
37:59You don't know what trauma they had, why they don't want to come out.
38:01This person doesn't mind their business.
38:03You don't need to know where they're creeping.
38:04I disagree.
38:05This is my dad.
38:06I'm your kid.
38:07I'm not saying I need to be like, dad, are you gay?
38:08But I feel like I like your advice.
38:10Just talk about my queer stuff, and hopefully they'll come out and say something.
38:13If I know my parent is gay, I would love to have that be a bonding and connecting thing that we both have and share.
38:19Because it's something that can be so isolating and can be very lonely.
38:22And to know that he's living this secret life, I would love to have him feel the comfort of knowing that, hey, dad, I see you and I want to talk about it if you want to.
38:30As somebody who is currently in the closet, I just want to say sometimes it's hard and I don't always know how to get out of here.
38:36That's all.
38:38Sometimes we think that everyone's level of comfort is our level of comfort.
38:42So you think to yourself, if he's just out, he'll be comfortable.
38:45It made me comfortable.
38:46Yeah.
38:47But you don't have the same experiences.
38:49You don't have the same life.
38:50So just because you think it works for you does not mean it will work for your creeping, sneaking around homosexual father on a grinder.
38:57Yeah.
38:58It's not about the perfect circumstances.
38:59It's about where you're at in your life and what it would mean to you to come out.
39:04I can remember coming out to my roommate in college as bi, and then the next day I went up to her and I was like, oh, I lied.
39:10That was a joke.
39:12Even though she was so accepting when I told her.
39:14They were hilarious.
39:15Yeah.
39:16I'm cracking you up, aren't I?
39:19I got a million of them.
39:21But, yeah, it's just like you have to be in the right place that maybe he will never be or does not want to be.
39:28Yeah.
39:29And that's not bad of your dad either.
39:30You don't have to be out, yeah, to enjoy your sex life.
39:34In the trans community, even though it's like sexuality and gender are different, but this way it's relatable.
39:39There's a term called don't crack an egg before it's ready.
39:42And same thing with this.
39:44If your father's not ready to come out or talk about it on their own, yeah, you can show them that you're comfortable in your own skin, but you can't force that egg to crack.
39:54You can't.
39:55I just think about a situation like what if y'all go to the same bathhouse in your city and bitch, yo, daddy is in there.
40:00And, like, you are going to have in a dark room somewhere in your city in the club and your daddy is the same.
40:06People are like, is this not Planet Fitness?
40:07This is crazy.
40:08I believe I said before that I don't support incest on this program.
40:11Just like that would be horrible.
40:13You did say that.
40:14You did.
40:15That was our last one, guys.
40:17I think we gave some really good advice.
40:19I feel really good about that.
40:20This was lovely.
40:21Thank you for having me.
40:22Thank you, Jessica.
40:24Enjoy your family drama.
40:25I'm drinking, so I'll drive very safe.
40:29I love Jessica.
40:30She seems really lovely.
40:31She's the sweetest.
40:32Yeah.
40:33Okay, before we go to bed, I need to know, who accomplished their secret move?
40:38There's another crumvulet.
40:43Wait, what was your task?
40:44I had to use a made-up word, and someone had to ask me what it was.
40:49I was like, what the fuck is a crumvulet?
40:50How did you use it?
40:52When Mikey was carrying around the tray, I was like, it was a crumvulet.
40:57Doesn't anybody want to ask?
40:59And if I was like, I don't want to sound stupid, and he just moved on.
41:02He just moved on.
41:05Boop.
41:07Okay, Persephone, what was yours?
41:08I had to get someone to make animal sounds, and I got Mitch and Kevin to make animal sounds.
41:12Purr.
41:13Oh, you did.
41:14What did Mitch say?
41:15Try not to get chased by dogs around the neighborhood.
41:17Woof, woof.
41:18Arf, arf.
41:19Oh, look at you.
41:21Master manipulator.
41:23You used your feminine wiles.
41:24Okay, Mikey, what was yours?
41:26I had to get someone to name a Lady Gaga song.
41:28Oh, shit.
41:30Which streamed Jewels and Drugs, if you guys clearly haven't heard it.
41:33You really chose a B-side.
41:35Well, because we were talking about the Jewel.
41:37The Jewel.
41:38The dildo.
41:39So I was like, this is my time.
41:40I need to mention Jewels and Drugs.
41:42Did anyone say it?
41:43Luckily for me, you've said manicure.
41:45What's the Lady Gaga song with the jewels?
41:49Manicure?
41:50That was fierce.
41:51Good.
41:52Mine was to get someone to correct my pronunciation of something.
41:56And because you always try to up me and one-up me, it was so easy.
42:00What was it?
42:01What was it?
42:02Los Feliz.
42:03Los Feliz.
42:04Los Feliz.
42:05Oh, yeah.
42:07Oh, my God.
42:09That was so slick.
42:10That was so slick.
42:12Fuck.
42:13And mine was, I had to get someone to compliment my butt.
42:16So when I was asked for Daddy to spank me, and I got on all fours on this table.
42:22You said I saw a jiggle.
42:23I saw that jiggle.
42:24Yeah, I saw a jiggle.
42:25I know it's natural.
42:26Yes.
42:27Because mine isn't.
42:28So I can tell.
42:29Yeah, so everyone accomplished their task, except for Izzy and her clavichem, or whatever it was.
42:35My clavichem.
42:36Clavichem.
42:37Miss Clavichem.
42:38Miss Clavichem.
42:39Well, y'all, I think it's time to go to bed, because I have to wake up very early to run a half marathon.
42:43Is the half marathon on Kevin Endor the Leather Daddy?
42:46It's actually a full marathon.
42:48Monae's just going to stop halfway through.
42:51And on that note, thank you all for joining us for the Slumber Party.
42:55You've been an absolute dream.
42:57Who are you talking to?
42:58My neighbor.
42:59Don't you need a telescope looking right over here?
43:01Why are you watching us?
43:02This is crazy.
43:04I'll give you a show.
43:06I want you to remember to sleep tight, and don't ever let the bedbugs bite.
43:09Unless you're into that freaky shit.
43:12Round one.