MONET'S SLUMBER PARTY S01E01 (2024)
Transcript
00:00It's not common knowledge that cats and birds don't like each other, y'all.
00:16Thank you, Mama.
00:19I knew it was you.
00:24Hey, girl.
00:25I'm on the exchange, and baby, I'm feeling it tonight, girl.
00:29The bills are paid, the wig is laid, and tonight, Monet's slumber party?
00:34It's gonna be everything.
00:37Mama, do you have a charger?
00:39My phone's on 4%.
00:40I got you, girl.
00:41I have a charging function.
00:42Since when?
00:43I can do it via Bluetooth.
00:44Hold on one second.
00:52Oh, my God.
00:53That actually fucking worked.
00:55My phone is on 100%.
00:57You're welcome.
00:58You're everything, girl.
01:00My friends are here.
01:02Say hello to Oscar Montoya.
01:04Hey, Monet.
01:05Hi.
01:06I'm the least famous person here.
01:07Thank you for having me.
01:09Alaska Thunderfuck.
01:13Come on, Monet's slumber party.
01:15Let's get slumbering.
01:20Jujubee.
01:23Protect average drag.
01:28And Rachel Bloom.
01:30Truth, dare, or horse?
01:33Horse, horse, horse.
01:35Let's find a horse.
01:37How did y'all get here at the same time?
01:38Did y'all take an Uber pool or something?
01:39Yeah, swimming in the Uber pool.
01:43In the cool, refreshing water.
01:46Honestly, missed opportunity for them to not have, like, a big public pool something or deal.
01:50Like, a big Uber pool party.
01:52Yeah, you could host it, actually.
01:54You said, I, and then said, never mind.
01:57Because Alaska has that full, I don't know if you've ever seen, just this full silicone, like, titties, pussy bodysuit.
02:04Silicone?
02:06That's real.
02:08Monet, let me hold $20.
02:10Oh.
02:11Mama.
02:12There's people here.
02:13Yeah, we have company.
02:14Oh, well, let me still hold $20.
02:15No, I pay my subscription every month.
02:17That's not enough?
02:18I mean, you do have the lowest tier, so.
02:22Hi, Mama.
02:23Don't call me out in front of these people.
02:24How dare you?
02:25Hi, guys.
02:26Everybody looking amazing.
02:27Can you see us?
02:28I can feel you, baby.
02:29She can feel you, baby.
02:30Can you see this?
02:31Me?
02:32Oh.
02:33Thank you.
02:35Hey, guys.
02:36What's going on?
02:37Hi, Mitch.
02:38Hey.
02:39I just need a quick favor.
02:40I know you guys are just getting started.
02:41Don't mean to interrupt, but I just need somebody to do me a solid, take a quick dick pic for me.
02:44Mitch, no.
02:45Not again.
02:46I just did one for you yesterday.
02:47Another one for what?
02:48I got another guy coming over.
02:49I have a party tonight.
02:50Can you move it to tomorrow night?
02:51Okay.
02:52Thank you.
02:53Jesus Christ.
02:54Anyway, before we get the festivities started, I think we should have a little libation for
02:58the situation.
02:59Ooh.
03:00That sound good?
03:01Yeah.
03:02I'm going to text my delivery man.
03:03He's normally very quick to respond.
03:04Hey, Vinay.
03:05There he is.
03:06Thank you.
03:07Oh, my God.
03:08Kevin.
03:09Kevin, have you been working out?
03:10Thank you.
03:11You look so good.
03:12I have been, and I've been shopping at every toddler store you can find.
03:18Wait, who is the other drink for?
03:21It's for Mitch.
03:22Mitch is getting a drink tonight?
03:24I told him if he sent me a dick pic, I'd bring him an extra drink.
03:27Exactly.
03:28That's what the dick pic was for.
03:29I wasn't going to say anything, but now that you mention it, give me that cocktail.
03:33Okay.
03:34People with vaginas, is that like a thing to send vagina pics?
03:39Dick pics are very common, but I don't think vagina pics are common.
03:42The only vagina pic I've ever sent was to my doctor after I gave birth to ask if my
03:46stitches were infected.
03:49Well, that's hot.
03:50Turns out they weren't.
03:52That is really hot.
03:55I've always referenced that episode of Sex and the City where Charlotte's vagina was
03:58mad at her because she'd never seen it before.
04:00That's my favorite character on the show.
04:02Charlotte's vagina.
04:03Are you a Carrie, a Miranda, or a Charlotte's vagina?
04:06Charlotte's vagina.
04:10Let's do our first game.
04:11Icked down.
04:12So basically smash or pass, but then I'm going to reveal an ick that these dudes have.
04:16And we're going to see if you'll change your mind.
04:18First bachelor, smash or pass?
04:22Very much so smash.
04:23Smash?
04:24Is this the type of man you go for normally?
04:26I don't really have a preference.
04:29A heart beats good.
04:31The ick is he works for parking enforcement.
04:34Oh shit.
04:35That is such a smash from you, Monet.
04:36You know that.
04:38I think I would smash.
04:39I would smash.
04:40That means he's going to get me out of jail free.
04:41You know what I'm saying?
04:42I get parking tickets all the time.
04:43I don't.
04:44Why?
04:45I don't drive.
04:46Neither do I.
04:47He's perfect for you.
04:50Okay.
04:51Our next bachelor.
04:53Let's look at him.
04:54Okay.
04:55That's like an upstanding, nice young man.
04:57I don't trust people who are too attractive because they all look like the people who
05:01bullied me in middle school.
05:04So I automatically assume that if a guy like that wants to fuck me, it's a prank.
05:10It's a school prank still.
05:12I guess the problem for me is I was not bullied by attractive people in school.
05:16They were all ugly.
05:17They were like fucking toads fucking with me.
05:20I'm like, you have some nerve, bitch.
05:22You know what I mean?
05:23Okay.
05:24His ick is he doesn't tip.
05:25Okay.
05:27Absolutely not.
05:28Get out.
05:29Wait a second.
05:30He could be European.
05:31No.
05:33European.
05:34You can sound like a full smash.
05:36It's like a little handy J.
05:38A little H-J.
05:39Half smash.
05:40Yeah.
05:41Half smash.
05:42He's going to get a punch in the dick from me.
05:43Yeah.
05:44No tip means kind of gross.
05:45It is not kind of gross.
05:46It's very gross.
05:47That is so tacky and horrible.
05:48I worked in restaurants.
05:49It feels horrible to not get tips.
05:50Yeah.
05:51As drag queen.
05:52Girl.
05:53I'm sure.
05:54And they're in the front row.
05:55And they're just sitting there the whole time like.
05:56Playing Pokemon Go.
05:58Not Pokemon Go while you're doing your act.
06:02When the fiercest Pokemon is on stage.
06:09Let's go on to our next bachelor.
06:13Something's in the.
06:14He does not take a side.
06:15Or an elbow.
06:17What?
06:18He took this picture with his dick.
06:22Yeah.
06:23I would smash.
06:24That man is beautiful.
06:25Yeah.
06:26I would smash.
06:27Smash.
06:28Okay.
06:29His ick is all of his humor is from 2010.
06:30Yes.
06:31Love it.
06:32Love it.
06:33Really?
06:34I love it.
06:35Marriage material.
06:36I'm turning 40 this year.
06:37All my humor is literally from 1996.
06:38What is 2010 humor?
06:41Like this.
06:42I used to shit like that.
06:43It was all like.
06:44I think in 2010.
06:45We were sitting like the memes.
06:46Oh my god.
06:47That's funny to me.
06:48Yeah.
06:49That's funny to me too.
06:50I like it.
06:51Yeah.
06:52Yeah.
06:53Hey Alaska.
06:54What do you call a drag queen who rents out her wigs?
06:55What?
06:56A hair B&B.
06:57Yes.
06:58Were you clapping God?
06:59Yes God.
07:00Okay.
07:01Our next bachelor.
07:02Oh.
07:03Smash.
07:04Girl.
07:05Yes.
07:06Smash.
07:07Yes.
07:08There's little this man can do that I will still not.
07:09Why is it so oily?
07:10Because he's working out.
07:11No.
07:12It's sweat.
07:13Diligently.
07:14No.
07:15His ick is he always prays for forgiveness before and after sex.
07:16Oh no.
07:17Which I can believe.
07:18Oh my god.
07:19Oh my god.
07:20Oh my god.
07:21Oh my god.
07:22Oh my god.
07:23Oh my god.
07:24Oh my god.
07:25Oh my god.
07:26Oh my god.
07:27Oh my god.
07:28Oh my god.
07:29Which I can be into.
07:30I feel like they'll be a time like after you've uncoupled
07:31and the penis has been dislodged from your body.
07:32You like have some more time together and you pray about it.
07:34I think that's kind of sweet.
07:36Lord, I'm sorry for the perversions I'm about to commit
07:38in your name.
07:39I pray.
07:40That's hot.
07:41I think that's hot.
07:42Yeah.
07:43That's fucking hot.
07:44I'm okay with that.
07:45That's great.
07:46Yeah.
07:47Then you come to bed and you fucking break my fucking back.
07:48That shit is hot busting up inside of me.
07:50So y'all pray together before you fuck?
07:52Oh my god.
07:53I love that.
07:54I want to.
07:56He has a little red circle, very Handmaid's Tale.
07:58Oop, maybe not that.
08:00All right.
08:01The next bachelor.
08:05So beautiful.
08:06Oh, cute.
08:07So cute.
08:08Why are they all shirtless in public?
08:10That's a good question.
08:12Because they live in WeHo.
08:15His ick is, he's only into hooking up with you as a prank.
08:20Rachel.
08:21Rachel called me.
08:22Rachel.
08:22Fucking knew it.
08:24That's all they want.
08:25It's always a prank.
08:30She called it.
08:31I love that the prank involves
08:32what appears to be their co-workers.
08:34Oh, yeah.
08:35But they're clothes, so where do they work all together?
08:38Where do these people intersect?
08:40I'm confused.
08:41Yeah, no, it's a pass for me.
08:43At this point, it's something I fear so much,
08:44it may have turned into a kink, so.
08:46So smashed.
08:49Kind of want to go home and tonight say to my husband,
08:51no, pretend it's a prank.
08:52Pretend it's a prank.
08:53Pretend it's a prank.
08:54You're going to tell everyone in seventh grade.
08:55Get your three office friends to point and laugh.
09:01Also, the guy laughing all in the right,
09:02he's doing too much.
09:03The hand to the mouth is too much.
09:05Dial it back.
09:06Yeah, bring it in, girl.
09:08It's an act.
09:09He really is into it.
09:10Yeah, yeah.
09:11Okay, next Bachelor.
09:12Ooh.
09:14He looks like that guy from One Tree Hill.
09:17I've never seen that.
09:18I'm 40.
09:19That vision, that's perfect for you.
09:22It was around the time of Gilmore Girls.
09:24That's so rude.
09:25Remember Gilmore Girls?
09:26What a stupid show.
09:27I've never seen that either.
09:29Every episode, they were in the fucking,
09:30in the restaurant,
09:31because the biggest drama was someone burnt the toast.
09:35It was ridiculous.
09:37Okay, his ick is he sleeps in a race car bed.
09:41Smash.
09:42Hot.
09:42That makes him even hotter.
09:44I love novelty beds.
09:46A person that looks like that,
09:47sleeping in a bed like that?
09:49That's so funny.
09:49That's hot.
09:50Hot, love it.
09:52And another layer, when you feed him,
09:53you have to make race car sounds.
09:55Um...
09:59I'm sorry, what?
10:00What is he eating though, like peas?
10:01Pussy.
10:04Where we go...
10:07You land a pussy into the mouth.
10:09I think what it sounds like is that
10:10this is a Tom Hanks big situation
10:13and he is a 10-year-old boy
10:15who wished upon his old car machine.
10:17Right.
10:19Wow.
10:20That would be a pass.
10:21Yeah, that would be a pass.
10:23Y'all have turned on this man.
10:24I actually can't believe you asked me this question.
10:28Seems like a trap.
10:30Y'all have turned on this young man.
10:31He's just trying to live his best race car life.
10:34Next one.
10:37Okay.
10:39Yes.
10:40Wait, what's happening with his shoulder?
10:42How about his shoulder?
10:43He looks like a boxer, yeah.
10:44Like the traps are too trapped, right?
10:45This is steroids, right?
10:48Yeah, I mean, you don't know that.
10:49That could also be hard work.
10:51No.
10:52No one can look like that with just hard work.
10:54That could be a natty body.
10:57What's a natty body?
10:58A natural body.
11:00A lot of lean chicken.
11:01And boiled chicken and like grass and shit every day.
11:04Very farty.
11:07His ick is that he's your fifth cousin.
11:09No, what?
11:11Honestly, what's wrong with that?
11:12That's far enough.
11:14That's far.
11:14Isn't everyone a fifth cousin?
11:16Excuse me, what did you just say?
11:18We all go back to Daya.
11:20We are all related.
11:22If you are Jewish and you go on 23andMe,
11:25you are sixth cousins with every other Jewish person.
11:28And that is a fucking fact because of a genetic bottleneck
11:31that happened like 800 years ago, so smash.
11:33It's fine, it's fine.
11:35Oh my God.
11:36Mazel tov.
11:38Fifth is not far enough for me, I'm sorry though.
11:41Well.
11:42No.
11:43How far is that?
11:44It's really far.
11:46That means your most common ancestor
11:48was five generations ago, so it's your-
11:50Great, great, great, great, great, great grandmother?
11:53It's fine.
11:54It's fine.
11:56It's fine.
11:59I think I would be okay with like a ninth cousin.
12:04I don't know if that's possible.
12:05Why nine and not eight?
12:07Because seven, eight, nine.
12:12That's why.
12:13Okay, last one, but this one has a bit of a reversal, okay?
12:19What do you think of him?
12:22Smash, hard smash.
12:25Hard smash.
12:26Yeah.
12:27Yeah, I like older, honestly.
12:28I'm into older guys, 1,000%.
12:30Yeah, when I was on like Grindr,
12:32my filter was like 50 and over.
12:34Wow.
12:35Oh.
12:35Actually, I recognized him.
12:39What was his handle?
12:39His handle was great.
12:41It was really nice.
12:43What if I told you he was awarded
12:45best sex four years in a row?
12:47Exactly, see?
12:48This is what I'm talking about, experience.
12:52Look at that fucking house, absolutely.
12:53And he's a homeowner.
12:55He's a homeowner.
12:56I've been there.
13:02Okay, there you have it.
13:04Okay, so since literally all of us are all musicians,
13:07we all fucks with music,
13:09I thought, why not have an amazing musical friend over
13:12to come and help us jam out?
13:14So please welcome Ma'Khia Greene.
13:16Hey.
13:17Beautiful.
13:18Hi.
13:18What's up, y'all?
13:20Thank you.
13:20And it was so fun helping you bring everything in the house,
13:23even though Jujubee didn't help.
13:25Nope.
13:25She's too pretty to help.
13:27I mean, come on.
13:28Wait, what are you saying about us?
13:30Nope, I helped.
13:32You big bitches can lug this shit up the stairs.
13:35Yep, ugly enough to help.
13:40Okay, so tell us, what are we gonna be doing today?
13:42We are about to make some music today.
13:44Like legit?
13:44Like legit.
13:45We're about to make a song.
13:46Okay.
13:47Yeah, it's all happening.
13:48I've prepared three different vibes for us to jam with.
13:52I'm gonna give you a little taste.
13:54Okay.
13:55And then I want y'all to tell me what you're feeling.
13:57So here goes, number one.
13:59Are y'all ready?
14:00Let's do it.
14:02This is a little Afrobeat vibe.
14:07All right, Mama.
14:08This is Mama's favorite type of music.
14:09It's top line.
14:11Hey.
14:12Oh.
14:14All right, that's option one.
14:16Option one, okay.
14:18Now we got a little pop-bop.
14:19So here we go.
14:21Oh.
14:22Oh, oh yeah.
14:24This is right when the molly hit,
14:25and you're like, ah.
14:27Exactly, so that's a pop-bop.
14:29Okay.
14:30And then we've got a little hip-hop vibe.
14:31Okay.
14:32You know?
14:33Oh.
14:37Pose.
14:38Yeah.
14:39Pose.
14:44Where's the man again?
14:46Yeah.
14:47Oh, there he is.
14:51Is that your voice, Rone?
14:52Say yeah.
14:53Yeah, that's me.
14:54Is that your voice?
14:55Yeah.
14:56I'm feeling pop-bop.
14:57I feel like the pop-bop is the most versatile.
15:00I don't know what we're doing,
15:01but I feel like it's versatile.
15:03And Alaskan Molly hates verse.
15:04I do, yeah, I really hate that.
15:07Okay.
15:08All right, I want y'all to freestyle.
15:09Just off the top.
15:10Just off the top.
15:11It's hard to do because I have nails on.
15:15Jujubee, oh wait.
15:18You don't know what that's like.
15:23Drag costs a lot of money.
15:25There it is.
15:26Yeah.
15:27Okay, okay.
15:29How much does it cost?
15:31How much does it cost?
15:33Tell me, how much does it cost?
15:35Ka-ching, ka-ching.
15:37How much does it cost?
15:38Tell me, how much does it cost?
15:40Tell me, how much does it cost?
15:43Ka-ching, ka-ching.
15:44Yeah!
15:47That's good, that's good.
15:48That's it, that's it.
15:49It costs money, ah.
15:51Money, ooh.
15:53Money, ah.
15:55Money.
15:56Yeah.
15:58Hey!
15:59Hey!
16:02Excellent work.
16:03New single, When.
16:04That was excellent.
16:05Cut, printed, right?
16:06And I was all off the dome.
16:08Okay, so now I have some prompts for us
16:10so we can actually write.
16:11Oh.
16:12So first we've got, talk your shit.
16:13Talk your shit.
16:14This is, you know, that song you wanna hear
16:15when you are feeling unfuckwithable.
16:18Oh, unfuckwithable.
16:18And you know, somebody got you fucked up
16:20and you gotta let them know.
16:21Trademark that.
16:22Who you are.
16:23You know, or maybe you forgot who you are
16:24and you gotta hype yourself up in the mirror
16:26and remind yourself.
16:27Okay.
16:28You got that good, good.
16:29What comes to mind when y'all hear that good, good?
16:31That, that, that labia minora, labia majora.
16:36That good, good, honey.
16:37Amen.
16:38Pussy.
16:39Or you know, just all types of love.
16:39Not even just romantic love, platonic love, self love.
16:42Just when you're feeling that, yes, yes.
16:44Less filthy.
16:46Yeah, less, okay.
16:48You know, it's just so good
16:49you gotta write a song about it, okay?
16:51And lastly, we could make a theme song
16:54for Monday's slumber party because, I mean.
16:56Oh my God.
16:57That's my vote.
16:58As much as I love writing songs about pussy.
17:00Okay.
17:01I think this song is really exciting to me
17:04because that means if you use it repeatedly
17:06we all get residuals.
17:07We do.
17:08Yes.
17:09This is true.
17:09That is true.
17:10So, okay, then let's do the theme song then.
17:13I want some residuals too.
17:15The slumber party started real cute.
17:18Something, something, something to boot.
17:20Bum, ba-da-dum, ba-da-ga-ga-ga.
17:22Ba-da-ga-da-ga, ba-da-ga-ga-ga.
17:24Oh.
17:25When I'm with Monet, I am at the lycée
17:29for elegance and sleepiness.
17:31Lycée is French for school.
17:33Okay, everything was fucking dope.
17:35But no, it's the school line got me, it's like, surprised.
17:38Everything else was so good.
17:40Like, putting in the French, and that was fair.
17:42That was good.
17:43Slips and silk and extra large pizza.
17:45A fabulous painting of Monet-Lisa.
17:49Now we need a pizza.
17:52That's in there, yes.
17:55Kiki with Prince of Bechardonnay.
17:57Looking real cute in our PJJs.
17:59The vibe is right with Mitch and Mama.
18:01Come get your tents, cause this is over.
18:03Yes.
18:07This is the party.
18:08Get ready to slumber.
18:10Monet is our hostess.
18:12She's goddess, she's mother.
18:14Mama is a robot.
18:16She has a lot of knowledge.
18:18And Mitch is like my uncle,
18:20cause he's in the closet.
18:24How much does it cost?
18:26How much does it cost?
18:28How much does it cost?
18:29Monet.
18:31Aye.
18:32Aye.
18:33Aye.
18:34Aye.
18:35Aye.
18:35Aye.
18:36Aye.
18:37Yes.
18:38I love it.
18:39Wonderful.
18:40Thank y'all so much for rocking out with me.
18:42Yes.
18:43We've got a hit on our hands.
18:44We do.
18:45We're in the nature.
18:46We do.
18:47And you can go to Dropout TV to hear the full song.
18:50Can you?
18:50No.
18:52Y'all have probably seen this.
18:53This guy who does chiropractic work on like dogs.
18:55Have you seen this?
18:56Yeah.
18:57It's crazy.
18:58And like you snap these dogs
18:59and they really like,
19:00looks like they have a better,
19:02it improves the quality of life.
19:03I only go to dog chiropractors.
19:06Because it's cheaper.
19:07Oh.
19:08Come in.
19:10Oh, hi Kevin.
19:11I've got some mo-mail for ya.
19:13Thank you.
19:14Thanks Kevin.
19:15Bye Kevin.
19:16She should be so happy.
19:17She should be so happy.
19:18She should be so happy.
19:19She should be so happy.
19:19She should be so happy.
19:20Bye Kevin.
19:21She should be stop flirting with my mailman.
19:23No.
19:26So, mailman Kevin has dropped off some letters here
19:29because it looks like some people all over the world
19:31need some advice.
19:32I think we can give that to them.
19:34It's the least we can do.
19:35Yeah.
19:36It's a little segment we call Love Monet.
19:38Oh, okay.
19:40I love it.
19:45But before we start,
19:45I have another friend
19:46that's gonna help us answer these questions.
19:48Please welcome, Sam Reich.
19:50How much does it cost?
19:52How much does it cost?
19:56I love your PJs.
19:57They're very chic.
19:58Thank you very much.
20:00This is as close as you can get to a suit.
20:02In pajama form.
20:04Very snazzy.
20:05Hey Sam.
20:07Oh, hey there mama.
20:09How you doing?
20:10I haven't heard from you in a while.
20:11It's kind of nice that you're wherever I am.
20:15At home, here.
20:16We're like two peas in a pod.
20:17Yeah, you and me.
20:18Would you guys like a separate private room or?
20:20No, we're okay with an audience.
20:22Oh, okay.
20:23I don't know what those lips are for.
20:27Let's answer the questions first
20:28then y'all can have some alone time, okay?
20:29This dick.
20:30Frisbee, Ed Balls.
20:32Ed Balls.
20:33Love it.
20:34First question.
20:35Dear Monet,
20:36there is a bird stuck in my garage
20:38and I can't get it out.
20:40XOXO is Zari.
20:42Did this person think
20:43they were reaching out to animal control?
20:46I have often been described as animal control.
20:48Yeah.
20:50Yeah, I would literally call animal control.
20:53Although birds are,
20:55in my opinion,
20:55birds are freakish to me.
20:58They're the most closest things we have to dinosaurs
21:00and I am very terrified of birds.
21:01What kind of bird is a peacock?
21:04I'm guessing it's a pterodactyl.
21:06Whoa, an ostrich.
21:08A peacock changes the whole question.
21:10Right.
21:11Or an ostrich changes.
21:13An ostrich.
21:13An ostrich changes the entire question.
21:16In my garage.
21:17You know, one time,
21:17because you know,
21:18in New York City,
21:19at St. John the Divine on 110th Street,
21:21there is a peacock that lives in the church grounds
21:24and it started to chase me around the church
21:27in drag, by the way.
21:29It's terrifying.
21:30The peacock knew you didn't belong.
21:31I think so.
21:32It's like, get out of here.
21:33But I think it was the male ones.
21:35They probably wanted to fuck me,
21:36I'm assuming.
21:37Because the male ones are the ones
21:38that have the pretty things.
21:39The females don't.
21:40I have a cat
21:41and when you have a bird in your house
21:44and you have a cat,
21:45you have a limited amount of time
21:46to save that bird.
21:48Oh, God.
21:48Is it constantly trying to fuck the bird?
21:51Well, yes.
21:52What?
21:53That's the first thing you thought?
21:55I know.
21:55The first thought.
21:57That they wanted to fuck?
21:58The biggest cat's life.
21:59Oh, it's just trying to like, harm it.
22:00Okay, that makes more sense.
22:02Have you never seen like, Tweety Bird cartoons?
22:04Yeah, but I didn't think,
22:05I thought that was like,
22:06also Road Runner and Wile E. Coyote
22:07are really chasing each other in the wild.
22:09I didn't think that was a real thing.
22:11Birds and cats?
22:11Coyotes do chase Road Runners in the wild, right?
22:14They're birds.
22:15I've never seen them.
22:16And cats chase mice.
22:17You have a cat, right?
22:18I do.
22:19Cats are vicious killers.
22:20They're known to kill so much wildlife
22:22in cities and towns.
22:25This is a fact.
22:26Yeah, that's so real.
22:28Do you end everything you say with,
22:30this is a fact?
22:31Only when I want to emphasize.
22:33This is why you're not,
22:34one of the reasons why you're not supposed
22:35to let your cat outside
22:36is because they're a danger to birds.
22:38But they're the most adorable murderers.
22:40They truly are.
22:41For sure.
22:42Beautiful.
22:43With their murder mittens.
22:44Did they say the bird was in the garage?
22:46In the garage, yeah.
22:47How about just leave the garage door open?
22:49Because of burglars.
22:51This is what I don't understand too.
22:52It's a pretty big door.
22:53Exactly.
22:55Which is kind of like a cat.
22:56Yeah, meow.
22:58Ooh, Joe Exotic down.
22:59Yeah.
23:01Oh my God, I wonder how Carol is doing.
23:03Carol got acquitted.
23:04She what?
23:05Carol Baskin?
23:06Yeah.
23:07She got acquitted.
23:07Really, mama?
23:08They found the husband.
23:10No kidding.
23:11Where was the husband at?
23:12I don't remember if he's dead or alive,
23:14but they did find the husband.
23:15Oh, that's very important, mama.
23:16That's a huge, that's actually an enormous difference.
23:20Let me look it up.
23:22He was alive?
23:24You didn't say that's a fact at the end of that sentence.
23:28Next question.
23:29My dad, in his fifties,
23:31is best friends and drinking buddies.
23:33Why, why?
23:34Why are you closed?
23:35I'm sorry, I meant, how do you do air parentheses?
23:40Okay, okay.
23:43Yes.
23:44My dad, in his fifties,
23:46is best friends and drinking buddies
23:49with someone around my age, 25.
23:52This friend works with my mom too, so they are close.
23:56She's around all the time,
23:58and it feels incredibly awkward since we're the same age.
24:01Is this as weird as I think it is?
24:04Is it bad that I feel upset about how much closer
24:06she is to my parents than I am?
24:08Well, that's the actual question.
24:10The rest of the question was nonsense and nonsense.
24:14What if they're fucking?
24:16Their parents?
24:17Yeah, the mom, dad, and the 25-year-old.
24:19What if it's like MFF?
24:23Oh, like-
24:24Male, female, female.
24:25Male, female, female, okay.
24:27You're right, they're jealous of this person
24:28who's closer to their parents.
24:29But also, I mean, also, but here's the thing.
24:31Like, when you're growing up,
24:32like, you hate your parents, like, in your teens,
24:35and I feel like when you cross, like, 25,
24:37you, like, like them again,
24:38and you're friends with them again.
24:39So I think this person wants to be friends again
24:41with their parents.
24:42So then how do you become friends with your parents?
24:45Looks like you gotta fuck them.
24:48Well, that's what I heard.
24:48Bitch!
24:49What?
24:50Like a cat wants to fuck a bird.
24:53Okay, this is not common knowledge
24:55that cats and birds don't like each other, y'all.
24:57Yes, it is!
24:59It is!
24:59It's true!
25:01So I guess our advice to this person is to-
25:04Become friends with a friend.
25:07And then that's how you get in.
25:08That's the bridge.
25:09Wow, their friend being the entrance,
25:11the gateway to their parents is kind of wild.
25:12And then get rid of the friend.
25:13You're that jealous.
25:17Why don't you just use your nail to, like, slice it open?
25:19Because they're not really on.
25:22That's why I don't wear them.
25:24With my feminine fingers.
25:25Well, this one is scented.
25:27Okay.
25:27What'd it smell like?
25:29Ass.
25:32I think Kevin's had on this one.
25:33Smells very familiar.
25:35Dear Baudet, I have wanted a career in the arts
25:38for as long as I can remember.
25:39Don't you, Liz?
25:41Yes, yes.
25:41It's a long, long time.
25:43All right.
25:44They didn't ask their question, did they?
25:46Ready to pile up.
25:47All of us are saying no.
25:48However, I have landed a stable,
25:50if not boring, job that provides well enough.
25:53Should I follow my artistic dreams
25:55or leave those as a hobby, XOXO, friend?
25:58This is tough.
25:59I mean, like, we're ones to ask
26:02because we had clearly all followed our dreams.
26:04There's no context.
26:06What is the art?
26:07What is the hobby?
26:08What if it's ceramics?
26:09Sure, sure, sure.
26:10If it's ceramics, do it.
26:12Because you're not gonna compete with me.
26:17I mean, arts is tough.
26:18I'm like, it's so hard.
26:19Like, you know, it's a roll of the dice
26:22if you're gonna be able to pursue your art
26:23and pay your life with it.
26:24So it's tough.
26:26I don't know.
26:27You can also do both.
26:28I think of, there was a guy at UCB New York
26:31who was a corporate lawyer.
26:33It was a lawyer and he was on Herald teams.
26:35And then he, at a certain point, did make the move,
26:38but he was doing both at once.
26:39And then he became the head writer of The Daily Show.
26:41Oh, really?
26:42Wow.
26:42Oh, wow.
26:43Because that actual experience
26:44in something other than comedy
26:46made him more interesting and more qualified.
26:50Yeah, pursue your fucking dreams.
26:52There's only one life to live.
26:53There might be another pandemic.
26:54Who knows?
26:55Just fucking do your shit.
26:55Yeah, I think the big thing is not allowing your career
26:58to define you as a person, right?
27:01Because if it's synonymous with who you are
27:03and you don't get a part or you don't make the right pot,
27:06if it's ceramics, if you fuck up a vase
27:09and you're like, oh, I'm a terrible person
27:10because I am my art.
27:11Yeah.
27:12No, no.
27:13Oh my God, guys.
27:14That was some really good advice.
27:15Just a big piece of paper.
27:16Like a bitch goes back to sleep.
27:16You don't want a bitch writes a,
27:18uses a big piece of paper for a little note.
27:20That really grinds my gears.
27:24That's a fire sign.
27:25That's a fire sign.
27:26Dear Monet, on trying to be more fashionable
27:29and more androgynous, how do I up my game?
27:33XOXO Grayson.
27:35Ooh.
27:36Well, if it's fashion, it's not me.
27:43Okay, here's a suggestion.
27:45There's a little town in Los Angeles called Silver Lake.
27:50You're gonna go there and everyone,
27:53and whatever they're wearing there, wear those clothes.
27:56I think especially with androgynous wear,
27:58it's really all about what makes you happy
28:01and comfortable in your body.
28:03Look, we're all wearing different stuff
28:05and we all feel comfy, confident.
28:07As my wonderful model here is showing you,
28:09it's all about how you wear the garment
28:12than what the garment is.
28:14Yeah, don't let the garment wear you.
28:16I would honestly say start with the vest.
28:19The vest.
28:19Oh, okay.
28:20Start with the vest, have sweaters, cardigans.
28:23Okay.
28:24And in the wintertime, have scarves.
28:26Yeah.
28:26Mittens.
28:27I think in the winter, wear warmer things.
28:29Yes.
28:30And in the summer, wear cooler things.
28:32That's really interesting.
28:33Right?
28:34Androgyny.
28:35Androgyny.
28:35And you can wear blue, pink, white, orange.
28:40Colors.
28:41Colors.
28:42Honestly, there's a long list waiting.
28:46Okay, guys, last little bit of advice.
28:49Dear Monet, I have a crush on a guy
28:51who our mutual friend also has a crush on
28:54and I don't know what to do.
28:56To be fair, my friend did have a crush on him first,
28:59but they're currently in an open relationship,
29:02so I don't know whether it's morally acceptable
29:04or not to go after him.
29:06I don't want to be a bad friend,
29:07but damn, this guy is cute.
29:09XOXO.
29:10Smash.
29:11Mwah.
29:12Oh, the friend already has somebody.
29:14Already has somebody.
29:14Oh, then go after him.
29:15Yeah.
29:16I thought this person wanted to fuck his-
29:19Yeah, that's what I was thinking too.
29:20His best friend's partner.
29:22No, the friend is in an open relationship,
29:24but him and the other person
29:26and the person in the already open relationship
29:28have a crush on another person.
29:29Yeah, I say go after him.
29:31You're not being a bad friend.
29:32They have someone.
29:33You get to do whatever you want.
29:35Imagine.
29:35You got one, I got none.
29:36It's about equity.
29:37Yeah.
29:38So let's-
29:39What if that friend gets salty, though?
29:41That's their problem.
29:42They have no ground to be fucking salty.
29:43Then they should go home and leave the slumber party.
29:46But listen, if you do fuck that friend,
29:49maybe you could fuck the crush and the friend's boyfriend.
29:53And your parents.
29:55And the bird.
29:56And the bird, and the bird.
29:58Yeah, I think the consensus is fuck that friend,
30:01like go after what you want, and if they get mad, yeah.
30:03Put a bird in their garage.
30:06Guys, this is such, thank y'all so much for the advice.
30:08I feel like we really helped some people out today.
30:10Yeah, but the bird's still there.
30:11Let's not lie.
30:15Fortunately, that first note about the bird was from me,
30:17and I need to go take care of that bird.
30:18Oh, Sam, let's take it home.
30:21Bye, Sam.
30:22I'm gonna tear.
30:24What a fun evening.
30:26Y'all are truly the greatest guests I've ever had here.
30:29I swear.
30:29I believe that.
30:30I believe it.
30:31And in honor of that,
30:32I wanna give you guys all a little something.
30:34A trophy for each and every one of you.
30:36Sex!
30:37We did it!
30:38Sex trophy!
30:40Thank you.
30:41Yes, how did you do this?
30:43It looks bigger in the picture, I think.
30:46But now you have your trophies.
30:48We should get to bed,
30:49because I got some trade in the morning,
30:51so we gotta shut it down.
30:52Yeah, trade in the morning.
30:54Mm-hmm, that's what I said.
30:56Trade in the morning,
30:57trade in the evening,
30:58trade at supper time.
30:59When you have trade,
31:00you can eat trade any time.
31:03And thank you all for stopping by the slumber party.
31:06You've been an absolute dream, you really have.
31:08So remember to sleep tight,
31:09and don't let the bedbugs bite,
31:11unless you're into that freaky shit.
31:13Good night.
31:14Did you put on glasses to sleep?
31:15Well, no, I had to take my contacts out.
31:17Oh.
31:18Good night.
31:19Good night, good night, good night.