Frasier Season 9 Episode 9 Sharing Kirby
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00:00I have to run this by the station manager, of course, Lucius, but barring any unforeseen circumstances, I believe the internship will be yours.
00:10That would be wonderful. But just meeting the preeminent radio psychologist of this era has been a most thrilling experience.
00:19Well...
00:23So, Ross, what do you think?
00:24I think he's a pretentious, arrogant toady.
00:28I love him, too.
00:31Just think of it, Ross, a triple major at Harvard University, but he even plays the shamisen.
00:38Oh, come on, Ross, the shamisen.
00:40It's a Japanese guitar-like instrument whose strings are plucked with a spatula.
00:48I can hardly wait for the intern talent show.
00:53Oh, I'm so excited, Ross. At last I'll have a superior mind I can mold.
01:01Speaking of mold, what is he doing here? Are you still tutoring him?
01:05Oh, God forbid. Kirby!
01:07Hey, Dr. Crane. Hello.
01:09Hello, Ross.
01:13What have you been doing since I took you to my prom?
01:16Mostly showering.
01:21So what brings you here, Kirby?
01:23I heard your radio station's looking for an intern.
01:26Radio station's looking for an intern, you say?
01:32I was hoping you could hook me up.
01:34Just think, Ross, with me working here, we'll be together like 24-7, five days a week.
01:43Okay.
01:48I was hoping you could go over my resume.
01:51Oh, well, all right, Kirby.
01:55Although I must tell you that the station manager has final say in these matters.
02:01I fudged a little bit on my job history.
02:04So you never actually worked at NASA.
02:09Or Burger King.
02:13Oh, hey, Doc.
02:15Oh, is this one of the intern candidates?
02:17Kenny Daly, I'm the station manager.
02:19Pleased to meet you.
02:21So stoked to get this job.
02:23Oh, I like that in the candidate, Doc.
02:25He looks hungry.
02:26That's amazing, dude.
02:28Because I am kind of hungry.
02:32There's a vending machine right out there.
02:34I love this guy.
02:36It's a breath of fresh air.
02:38Unlike all these Ivy League snobs you've been prancing around all day.
02:43You're not really thinking of hiring Kirby, are you?
02:46No, I'm not, Roz.
02:47I've got my heart set on Lucius.
02:49Me, too.
02:50He plays the shamisen.
02:51It's all right.
02:55Uh, Kirby.
02:58Listen, I'm terribly sorry about what just happened.
03:01What?
03:04You see, whenever Kenny sends someone out to the candy machine,
03:08it's a signal that that person won't be around anymore.
03:17We call it the Hershey's kiss-off.
03:24I really want to get this job so I can move in with Scoogey and Fat Tyler.
03:29You know, live like an adult for once in my life.
03:34Yes, well, I am terribly sorry.
03:37It's not your fault.
03:38You did everything you could, right?
03:40Well, yes.
03:42You know, I'll tell you what.
03:45I will keep my ears open for any opportunities, all right?
03:49That would be great, Dr. Crane.
03:51Something in law enforcement would be awesome.
03:53Yes, well, that shouldn't be too difficult considering you were trained by the FBO.
04:08Leave it, old man.
04:12It's bugging me.
04:14I do not have high blood pressure and it looks ridiculous.
04:18I think it looks handsome.
04:20Like those armbands gladiators wore, only inflatable.
04:27Oh, thank you, dear.
04:30Say, how was the doctor's?
04:31It stunk.
04:34Mr. Crane's pressure read a little high,
04:36so Dr. Stewart insisted he wear this monitor for 48 hours.
04:40That's troubling.
04:42Oh, don't worry.
04:43It's just a precaution.
04:45It takes his pressure at random intervals
04:47and sends the information right to a computer in the doctor's office.
04:50It's very clever.
04:52It's not clever.
04:53It's an invasion of my privacy.
04:55Plus, they got me on that damn heart smart diet.
04:58Two days of salt and fat, gone.
05:02You don't get that back.
05:07Well, stay calm or you'll be on it forever.
05:10How can I stay calm?
05:12Just sitting here expecting this thing to go off any second.
05:16I'm afraid to move.
05:18It's like I'm a prisoner.
05:20You know, that's just like doctors, isn't it?
05:22They're always finding some new way to torture you.
05:25Well, maybe I want my blood pressure high.
05:27Do you ever think about that?
05:30There it goes.
05:33You sneaky bastard.
05:38Dad, you know, here's a suggestion, if I may.
05:43The next time you feel yourself getting annoyed,
05:46take a deep breath
05:49and then picture your anger as a red balloon.
05:55And then picture your anger as a red balloon
06:00drifting higher and higher above the clouds
06:04till it disappears.
06:07And that'll get me back on nachos.
06:12Well, I'd better get ready for work.
06:14Right.
06:15Dad?
06:16Did you get my shirt back from the cleaners?
06:18It's in your room. I laundered it myself.
06:20There's no sense paying for dry cleaning a work shirt.
06:22Well, yes, there is.
06:23I told you, they make us buy them ourselves.
06:26And they cost a lot of money, you know.
06:29Then I have to go all the way down to the uniform supply house
06:32and you can't park there
06:34because of all the construction that's going...
06:36No, no, no!
06:38No, wait, wait, wait!
06:41Get it over with!
06:45Well, you have some messages, Dr Crane.
06:47A Kirby called at four o'clock.
06:49Then again at 4.20 and 4.45.
06:52It was upsetting your father, so I turned the ringer off after that.
06:55Oh, dear.
06:57I promised him I'd help him find a job.
07:00There's so few for which he's qualified.
07:03And with the proliferation of self-serve gas stations,
07:06I'm afraid that narrows the field even further.
07:11Why is it your responsibility to help him?
07:14Well, truth is, I really didn't do all I could
07:17to help him get a job at the radio station.
07:20Poor Kirby.
07:22You know, maybe I should just turn the ringer back on.
07:25PHONE RINGS
07:30Maybe after dinner.
07:34Oh, nice.
07:36I'll get my things. I'll be just a minute.
07:38Oh, can I have a quick sherry before you go?
07:41Oh, thank you.
07:43So...
07:45How was your weekend?
07:47Fine. And yours?
07:49Good. You know, something curious did happen, though.
07:55I was in the cheese shop and I...
07:58ran into Reynolds.
08:03He told me that he saw several bottles of Chateau Brion 61 at your place.
08:09I wasn't aware that you had the Brion 61.
08:12Why didn't I tell you? I stumbled across a case.
08:15Really? That's wonderful news, Niles. It's virtually unattainable.
08:19So, how much do I owe you for my half?
08:21That's very funny. Reynolds made that same joke.
08:26Niles, we had a deal.
08:28Whenever I've found a case of rare wine, I've offered you half.
08:32I understood our deal only applied to vintages post-1965.
08:39That wasn't part of the agreement.
08:41I'll have to reread it.
08:42It was oral.
08:44Oh, pity.
08:48This is outrageous. I can't believe you're cutting me out like this.
08:52I'm sorry.
08:54I try to be an ethical person, but wine is my weakness, and...
08:58this is really too good to share.
09:01I see.
09:03I will find a way to make it up to you.
09:05Why don't you just sell me my half?
09:07I said I'll find a way to make it up to you.
09:12Look, you have my word.
09:14Really?
09:15Your oral agreements aren't worth the air into which they are uttered.
09:21Are we ready to go?
09:23Yeah.
09:25Look, Daphne, I was, uh...
09:27I was thinking, rather than go to another boring movie,
09:31why don't we go back to my place and...
09:34kick off our shoes and, uh...
09:37rearrange my library?
09:39Are you still doing that? You said you'd be finished by now.
09:42Yes, he says a lot of things.
09:48It's a bigger project than I'd anticipated.
09:50Can't you hire someone to help you?
09:52Well, let someone else touch my books.
09:54Where will I find someone with your unimpeachable fastidiousness?
09:57Fastidious, you say?
10:00You know, Niles, I believe I know just the lad that can help you.
10:06Kirby Gardner.
10:07Isn't he that boy who's been calling here all afternoon?
10:09Yes, yes, he's very persistent.
10:11One of his many fine attributes.
10:13You know, I wanted to hire him myself,
10:15but there was nothing available for him at the station.
10:18I don't know.
10:20My books are the one thing I'm fussy about.
10:27Oh, please, Niles.
10:29It'll give us more time together.
10:32Well, if you put it that way.
10:35Wait.
10:36If I hire this protege of yours,
10:39will that make us even on the wine?
10:44Niles, you are too crafty for me.
10:50All right, yes, very well.
10:52That will make us even.
10:55Have a good night, you two.
11:05How's it going, Kirby?
11:07I hope you're not getting lost in the 17th...
11:18Kirby!
11:20Kirby!
11:21Hey, Dr. Crane.
11:23What are you doing?
11:25You're eating in my library.
11:27You're ruining my books.
11:30Relax, bro.
11:31I'm wearing the gloves.
11:33I'm wearing the gloves.
11:40Kirby!
11:43Come down here.
11:46No, no, bring your cam.
11:53Sit down.
11:57Kirby, this is completely unacceptable.
12:00I just cannot allow this.
12:02Whoa.
12:03Are you gonna fire me?
12:06I know that you have good intentions.
12:10But I'm afraid...
12:13Excuse me.
12:17Hello.
12:21It's for you.
12:24Can you find out who it is?
12:29Who's calling, please?
12:33It's Christy Mulvihill.
12:36Tell her I'll call her back.
12:40He'll call you back.
12:43Kirby.
12:46Your friend Christy.
12:48She's not related to William Mulvihill.
12:51Yeah, it's her grandfather.
12:54So weird how all you old dudes all know each other.
12:58Well, I don't actually know him.
13:01Just know of him and his wine collection.
13:06A wine collection.
13:08He's famous among the old dudes.
13:11Legendary, except he's so reclusive,
13:14no one gets to see it.
13:16Frasier and I have tried everything but
13:18sealing ourselves in casks and rolling in.
13:24Really?
13:25Really?
13:26I go there a lot.
13:28You've been to the Mulvihill wine cellar?
13:31Have you seen the bottle that was owned by Thomas Jefferson?
13:35Well, I'm usually with Christy, so...
13:39I'm looking at the jugs, not the bottles, if you know what I mean.
13:44Oh, hey, you.
13:49You know...
13:52It would be quite a thrill for a wine connoisseur like me to meet William Mulvihill.
13:57Do you think you could get me in?
14:00I bet Christy could.
14:02Well, let's just get her on the phone and ask her, shall we?
14:07Well, I would, but...
14:10If I were unemployed, I'd just be too depressed to talk to her.
14:14Unemployed? What are you talking about?
14:17There was just a few harsh words spoken in a moment of haste.
14:20So the library isn't challenging enough for you.
14:23We'll find something more suited to your particular... talents.
14:28Here's the phone.
14:32That'll be Frasier.
14:34Why don't you call from the kitchen?
14:39Whoa!
14:41Do they all do that?
14:43No, no!
14:48Niles!
14:50I'll be right there.
14:52Are you ready?
14:55Oh, dear.
14:59Is this Kirby's work?
15:01Mm-hmm.
15:03Niles, I owe you an apology.
15:06No, no. I understand. I had it coming.
15:09We're even. Let me help you clean up.
15:11No, don't be silly. I will be through this in a trice.
15:14No, don't be silly. I will be through this in a trice.
15:17Just you scoot.
15:18Nonsense. Let me help you.
15:20No, really, please.
15:22Oh, hi.
15:24Grampy Mulvihill says only one person can go into the wine cellar.
15:30Grampy Mulvihill?
15:32As in William Mulvihill?
15:35I told you. Old dudes. They all know each other.
15:40I knew something was up.
15:43You weren't going to tell me about Mulvihill, were you?
15:46I'm sorry.
15:48I have the Vafu.
15:51Don't hand me that.
15:53That is just a flimsy excuse for your outrageous selfishness.
15:57And what's worse is you're actually using that boy.
16:01Oh, well, you used him to get back at me.
16:05As you said, it made us even.
16:07Oh, I said that to get you out of here.
16:09Look at my library. I hope you're happy.
16:11Well, I didn't think it would be this bad.
16:13I thought the boy could at least put a book on a shelf.
16:16I can hear you fighting about me from down the hall.
16:19You're right. I don't deserve a job.
16:21Kirby, that's not true.
16:22It is. Forget it.
16:24I'm a hopeless screw-up.
16:25Just like my priest said.
16:28Kirby, wait.
16:34What happened? What have we done?
16:37Well, isn't it obvious, Niles?
16:42You've hurt his feelings.
16:48You know, I have a special relationship with Kirby.
16:53Maybe I'll just take him out to dinner.
16:57Smooth things over.
17:00Well, I'm perfectly capable of making my own apologies.
17:03I'll take him out to dinner.
17:05You know, on second thought,
17:07I actually did say some rather hurtful things myself.
17:11I think it's incumbent upon both of us
17:15to help repair his damaged self-esteem.
17:20Together.
17:21Very well.
17:22We'll be two trained therapists working in tandem.
17:27Yes.
17:28To repair the wounded innocent.
17:31Yes, yes, that's very high-minded of you, Niles.
17:34You too, Rachel.
17:35You know, this is an utterly altruistic act, isn't it?
17:40Utterly as it gets.
17:42I think we're of the same mind.
17:44Oh, I think so, too.
17:59Where have you been? I'm starving.
18:02Sorry, I was walking Eddie.
18:04I haven't even been to the market yet.
18:06Oh, Daph, it's almost six o'clock.
18:08How many times do I have to...
18:12Red Bull.
18:18It's all right.
18:20Well, good for you.
18:22And I'll nip out to the market now.
18:23Oh, don't bother.
18:24Let's just open a can of soup.
18:26Well, I'm off.
18:28Enjoy your dinner.
18:30You took the batteries out of my remodel.
18:33Gosh, I'm sorry, Dad.
18:35I needed them for my foot spa.
18:39And you had to take them out of the one thing I need batteries for in this house.
18:43God forbid your royal feet go without eucalyptus...
18:47Dad.
18:56That's all right.
18:58There's got to be some other way to switch the channels.
19:01Bye.
19:03Well, Mr. Crane, I'll go and open that can of soup.
19:05Oh, would you turn the game on?
19:07Sports.
19:09Might be a bit too exciting.
19:11Why don't we just watch a nice, soothing movie?
19:15Like what?
19:16How about Message in a Bottle?
19:17Oh, is that one of those movies that takes 45 minutes for anything to happen and then you're sorry it did?
19:25If you don't like that, we could watch To Jillian on her 37th birthday.
19:40You bet.
19:41Yes.
19:46Nice.
19:47Oh, imagine my surprise seeing the two of you here
19:51when the three of us have reservations for dinner at the Cergon Volant in half an hour.
19:55Hi, Dr. Crane.
19:57Dr. Crane invited me here for a before-dinner cocoa.
20:02Isn't that nice?
20:03Frazier?
20:04Can I have a word?
20:05Yes, of course.
20:07Kirby, we'll be right back.
20:11All right, now, before you get started,
20:14I brought the boy here in order to ease him into this evening.
20:17I was afraid that the sight of the two of us might bring up some unpleasant memories.
20:21I see.
20:22So this has nothing to do with you trying to get into Grampy Mulderhill's wine cellar instead of me.
20:27The fact that you even said that speaks volumes about you.
20:33Now, let's get back before the boy starts to think we're talking about him.
20:37We're back now.
20:40Kirby, I just want to tell you how sorry I am
20:44for both Frazier and my behavior earlier.
20:47It's no problem.
20:49I forgave you as soon as I got that DVD player you sent me.
20:56Now, I just want to see you for a moment.
21:03DVD player? Okay.
21:05You caught me in a selfish moment.
21:07I was trying to assuage my guilt for the way I treated him.
21:10And you weren't trying to buy Kirby's loyalty
21:12so that you and you alone could benefit from your Mulderhill connection
21:15reviving your woefully flagging reputation in the wine community.
21:20I categorically deny that.
21:23So you did it just to burn me.
21:25I deny that.
21:27But not categorically.
21:28Frazier, do I have to remind you this is not about us,
21:32it's about Kirby, whom we've abandoned in order to have this petty spot.
21:36What?
21:39We're back again.
21:42So, Kirby, where were we?
21:46You were asking me about Grampy's wine cellar.
21:49Frazier, not now, no.
21:52Fine, I'm going to leave this till later, but Kirby,
21:56I saw these and I thought of you.
21:59No way.
22:02Thirteens, how'd you know my size?
22:04Well, I measured the footprint you left in donut powder on my floor, you rascal.
22:11These are awesome. Aren't they, Dr. Craig?
22:14Oh, yes, indeed they are, Kirby.
22:16You know, you're going to need some togs to go with them.
22:21I have an account at Bidwell's. What do you say I call them tomorrow and set you up?
22:25Wow, thanks. I never had togs before.
22:29You guys are so great.
22:31Well, you keep trying to build up my self-esteem and all.
22:34I wish there was some way I could take you both to the wine cellar, but I can't.
22:43Pass. Frazier.
22:49Do you believe the nerve of this boy pitting us against each other?
22:53Well, we're not going to be manipulated like this.
22:56No, we certainly aren't. All right, let's put a stop to it right now.
23:00All right, Kirby, I'm afraid your little game is up, and I want to tell you something else.
23:04$100.
23:06$200.
23:07$300.
23:09$500.
23:10Kirby, have you ever been to Vegas?
23:12He can't go to Vegas. He'll be too busy interning at the radio station.
23:18No way.
23:20I got the job.
23:22Thank you, Dr. Craig. You just got yourself a wine tour.
23:27And thank you, Kirby.
23:31This is so awesome, and I promise I will not let you down.
23:34I'm going to soak up as much as I can from you.
23:37I'm going to be like your shadow.
23:40You and me, Dr. Craig.
23:43From now on.
23:45You know, we should probably carpool to work.
23:51I was going to see you for a moment.
23:53No.
23:57Isn't this the most romantic thing you've ever seen?
24:01If you say so.
24:05There's no greater passion than that between a woman and a ghost.
24:14I'll get it.
24:23Hello?
24:24Hello?
24:27Oh, uh, yeah?
24:30Really?
24:32I don't have to worry anymore?
24:34That's great!
24:36Yeah, thanks, Dr. Stewart.
24:40Who was that?
24:42Dr. Stewart.
24:44Are you all right?
24:45I'm fine.
24:48I suppose you want me to put the game on, then.
24:52Well, uh, actually, he said there was a bit of a foul-up with the computer,
24:57and, uh, maybe I should wear it for a couple more hours.
25:04Well, that's too bad.
25:07Do you want me to rewind?
25:09Have you got to keep talking?
25:12Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin'
25:14Tossed salads and scrambled eggs
25:18Oh, my
25:20And maybe I seem a bit confused
25:23Well, maybe
25:25But I got you pegged
25:27Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
25:29But I don't know what to do
25:31With those tossed salads and scrambled eggs
25:34Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
25:37But I don't know what to do
25:39With those tossed salads and scrambled eggs
25:44They're callin' again
25:47Goodnight!