Gogglebox NZ S1E07 (2024)
Gogglebox NZ S1E07 (2024)
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TVTranscript
00:00Do you know what I love doing though? Eating in the shower.
00:04Why? What?
00:06Because I get hungry.
00:07I've never eaten in the shower before in my life.
00:09Can't you just wait like 15 minutes?
00:11Doesn't your food get wet?
00:13Yeah, it's all good.
00:14Beverage in the shower is fine, Powerade.
00:16It's all right if I bring in shapes.
00:18Is it though?
00:19I'll eat it and my back will be wet, but I'm still eating.
00:21Now you're just messing with me.
00:23Efficiency, Jaina is always efficient.
00:25Would you ever eat a sandwich in the shower?
00:26Yeah, anything.
00:27A sandwich?
00:28Yeah, it doesn't bother me.
00:29Really?
00:41Every evening in New Zealand,
00:43over 2 million of us spend the night on the couch in front of the TV.
00:47Who's this one?
00:48No, he's just a contestant.
00:52We're going behind closed doors.
00:55Hello.
00:56Oh my God.
00:57What?
00:58To find out what Kiwis thought about what was on TV in the last seven days.
01:03In the week when the All Blacks made it a clean sweep in the Bledisloe Cup,
01:07TBNZ2's long-running soap had us in a lather.
01:11No way they've done it. Oh my gosh.
01:15David Attenborough made a welcome return to BBC Earth.
01:18I'm coming, Martha. I'm coming.
01:22And Friday night on Bravo, Billy Elliot danced his way into our hearts.
01:27How do you feel when you dance, Navi?
01:29Like a bird or an elephant?
01:31Drunk, mainly.
01:32Oh, okay.
01:42On Sunday night,
01:44TBNZ2's iconic soap opera broke new ground.
01:48Shortland Street!
01:51This is my favourite show. I want to be on it.
01:53I want to be on it.
01:54Shortland Street!
01:56Oh, gosh.
01:58With you, I feel like I have somewhere to land,
02:01and you make me feel wanted.
02:04Can I sleep with you tonight, both of you?
02:07Wait, what?
02:08When did Shortland Street become a PG porno?
02:11Is it you or is it me?
02:14Back the girl up a tree.
02:18Don't be afraid,
02:20because I'm not.
02:25Okay.
02:31It's all right, I'll go. Relax.
02:33I don't mind.
02:35No way, they've done it! Oh, my gosh!
02:41Not totally normal, three in a bed.
02:46It's normal for Marys to be three and four and five in a bed.
02:49Six in a bed.
02:51This is what I'm here for, for sure.
02:55Is she the nanny?
02:57Oh, my goodness, of course it's the nanny.
03:00I'm disappointed in you, Drew and Harper.
03:03Someone's getting a pay rise.
03:07Maybe she's had second thoughts about us
03:09using her to spice up our marriage
03:11when we're in the new baby doll rooms.
03:13You're overthinking it.
03:14Oh, it's gone into the next day.
03:17Crikey, she just carved a baby and she's having threesomes.
03:20What a woman.
03:22Help yourself to waffles.
03:24Yum. I could do a stack of ten.
03:26Go for it.
03:28I always do.
03:30Oh, my!
03:32Too fast.
03:34It's going to get out of control.
03:36All men want that.
03:38All men want a threesome.
03:40Most men want a threesome.
03:42Some.
03:44Most.
03:47Most or some?
03:49Some.
03:51And what happens if the nanny's pregnant?
03:56It won't be funny anymore.
03:59Things have changed so much already
04:01and I'm just worried that they might change again now
04:03and not for the better.
04:05He's a man.
04:07He's a man.
04:09Of course he'll run off with the nanny if she's younger.
04:11Can you stop?
04:12What?
04:13Why are you just being sexist?
04:15I'm not being sexist, I'm being truthful.
04:17You're just degrading men.
04:19Uh, no.
04:21I don't have to do that.
04:22They can do it for themselves.
04:24You remember Danny?
04:26The heavenly nanny?
04:27How could I forget?
04:28Oh, my God, please don't tell your CEO.
04:32We, uh, had a threesome.
04:36He's telling his employer
04:38about his sexual relationship at home.
04:42Is that where we've come to in society that we discuss?
04:45No, would that happen at your work?
04:47No, it would not happen at my work.
04:49Misogynist pigs, eh?
04:51Like you would say no if someone gave you the offer.
04:54I wouldn't brag about it like this.
04:56You definitely would.
04:58Not to you, Taronga.
05:01Well, why is it so astounding?
05:06How many threesomes have you had?
05:08What?
05:09How many have you had?
05:11Why wasn't there?
05:13I must have missed something.
05:19I thought he said he had had a night with the girl.
05:23Threesome.
05:24Oh, threesome.
05:26Oh, was that the babysitter, too?
05:29Yeah.
05:30What do you think they were doing in bed together?
05:32Cuddling.
05:35Oh, well, that puts a different light on it, I suppose.
05:41You're not just my wife anymore.
05:42You're the mother of my child.
05:44That is big.
05:45It's huge.
05:46It's beautiful.
05:49Pull that one out, mate.
05:50It's a good line.
05:51Been used a few times over the years.
05:52That means he gets to pork the nanny a little bit more.
05:54Happy days.
05:56He's lying to her now.
05:59How can you tell that?
06:01Because he's just trying to make her feel good.
06:03He's feeling guilty.
06:05He can't wait to get home to the nanny.
06:07Who saves lives in this hospital?
06:08All they do is talk about threesomes.
06:10Where are the patients?
06:12You don't have to do that.
06:14I'm a third of the reason they need changing.
06:18Okay, well, I'll help then.
06:23She fancies her.
06:24I reckon.
06:25Yeah, I reckon.
06:27We'll soon see some action shortly.
06:29Most houses are lit up at night,
06:31not sort of mood lighting like this.
06:33Oh, you can see why.
06:34It's like a bad pawn.
06:41Tension.
06:42Look at that.
06:44Don't do it, Hopper!
06:46Don't do it, Hopper!
06:48Show some self-resistance.
06:50Come round there.
06:51Nearly, nearly.
06:52Whoopsies.
06:53Yeah, that's it.
06:54Come here, come here, come here.
06:56Uh-oh.
06:58Oh.
07:00My word.
07:06Ah!
07:08Don't knock it until you've tried it.
07:13Do we have to watch this?
07:14No.
07:15Don't watch it.
07:17I'm not watching it.
07:19Wowzers!
07:20Shorty's changed!
07:22He hasn't watched Shorty's thing for a long time, honey.
07:24Maybe we should, eh?
07:26Wow.
07:27They must have new writers.
07:35On Tuesday night,
07:36News Hub rolled out a story about legalising pot.
07:39New research shows that if cannabis is made legal,
07:42one in four Kiwis would favour the chance to grow their own.
07:45One, two, three, four. Yes.
07:56Can I have an update on what's being built in the back garden right now?
07:59On my horticultural adventures in the back garden.
08:02What are you growing?
08:03Herbs.
08:05A Massey University survey asked more than 6,000 people
08:09what kind of regulatory regime they would prefer.
08:13We were really surprised about that the most popular option
08:17was this home production with no commercial selling.
08:20We can put our little pot plants out on our deck...
08:23Well, we've got to make them grow.
08:25Most probably, that's what we'll have.
08:27And you'll have the helicopter coming around...
08:29Yep.
08:31The study showed 27% supported home production
08:35with no selling allowed.
08:3721% thought recreational cannabis should operate
08:40in a profit-driven market with light restrictions.
08:44This one in New Zealand, there's so many people on either side of it
08:47and a lot of people through the middle.
08:49It's just, wow, it's just...
08:52I think home cultivation should be encouraged
08:55cos I've got a glass house down there that's just perfect.
08:58You've got two bedrooms,
08:59you can use the middle bedroom as the storehouse.
09:02I'll collect the money.
09:03You can take your bedding stuff out of there
09:05and put in the lights and everything else and grow it in there.
09:08Middle bedroom, fill it up.
09:09She's all for it, look at her.
09:11Could you grow other plants with marijuana,
09:13like you'd have chilli-infused weed or something?
09:17I don't think you could probably crossbreed those two plants.
09:22You wouldn't get, like, a cannabis thing
09:25which then is, like, chilli-flavoured.
09:28It's legal in at least 20 countries.
09:31Our national referendum is planned to go ahead before 2020.
09:35The ladies sorting through all the marijuana...
09:37Yes.
09:38..and it's fresh...
09:39Yes.
09:40..would they feel any effect from just breathing in
09:43everything they're sorting through?
09:45From breathing in the sticky buds?
09:47I suppose.
09:48Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
09:50We'd get a dehydrator, we'd lay the leaves on,
09:53we'd dry them, we'd roll them.
09:55Yep, yep, we can do that.
09:57I could do the roll your own.
10:01Hey, Mum, if they legalised marijuana...
10:04Yeah, cos you've got to act now.
10:06..would I be able to have a try?
10:08You're your own person and you're going to do what you want to do,
10:11but I strongly suggest that you don't even go there.
10:14If you want to ruin the rest of your life, go for it.
10:17You would love smoking weed, Nana.
10:21You would.
10:22I'm not going to pound my brain to a pulp.
10:26Why would I want to when I'm happy anyway?
10:29It's just going to make you chill out.
10:31I'm on a continual high without it.
10:33Oh.
10:34Are you, Jess?
10:35Yeah.
10:36What does cannabis do?
10:41Gets you above the cloud.
10:43No, but what does it do?
10:44My innocence, Mother.
10:45It's like a drug.
10:47Oh.
10:48We'd have to smoke outside.
10:50Oh, you'd be on the balcony as a puppet.
10:53You know when you go overseas and they've got smoking lounges?
10:57We'd have to have marijuana lounges.
11:11No, no way.
11:12You put that back where you found it, please.
11:14Why no way?
11:16Because I think he's going to smash things up with it.
11:19You don't like it?
11:20I love it.
11:21Mum?
11:23Dad, she's starting.
11:25Starting what?
11:26You're going to throw it away.
11:27She's going to sell it.
11:28I'm not going to throw it away.
11:29Do you know how much stuff of mine she's done that to?
11:31Too much.
11:32The cabinet I did up, she made me give it to her.
11:35I'm going to redesign it.
11:36It was beautiful.
11:37What cabinet?
11:38What are you talking about?
11:39My LED light cabinet I did up.
11:40She can't even remember.
11:41Yeah, I know.
11:42And she made me sell it.
11:43And I made a lovely curve on it for her.
11:45And I thought she really liked it.
11:46But no, she made me sell it.
11:47Then there was the speakers.
11:48Beautiful American hard maple, it's called.
11:52With bird's eye maple in it.
11:54And she made me sell that.
11:55Oh, they're too big.
11:56Oh, nowhere to put those.
11:57Go and trade me.
11:58And I did.
11:59I should never.
12:00The next set, I'm making it.
12:01And we're keeping Max.
12:05Oh, what's on now?
12:06On Friday night, TVNZ2 showed a popular entertainment show
12:10from the United Kingdom.
12:18X Factor!
12:21Let's go!
12:22I love X Factor.
12:24I love the really bad ones.
12:26The best.
12:31Sun is shining in the sky.
12:34There ain't a cloud in the sky.
12:37It's start raining.
12:39Hello, hello.
12:41Welcome.
12:42Thanks for picking me up.
12:43Very gracious of you.
12:44Is that?
12:45What's that?
12:46One Direction guy?
12:47Was it?
12:48Yeah.
12:49Is he a judge on it now?
12:51Oh, that's Harry from, um...
12:53Oh, no, it's not Harry.
12:54It's one of them from that boy band.
12:57What's his name again?
12:58Niall, Zayn, Harry...
13:03And...
13:04And that guy.
13:05Tyler.
13:06Nah.
13:07Taylor.
13:08Nah.
13:09Jackson.
13:11No.
13:16I honestly don't know why Louis Tomlinson is a judge
13:19because he was literally the most useless member of One Direction.
13:22Louis!
13:24His name's Louis.
13:26Yeah.
13:27I'm ready.
13:28Let's do it.
13:29Come on.
13:31He sings,
13:32Let me entertain you.
13:35Oh.
13:37What has she ever done?
13:38Married Robbie Williams.
13:39But what has she done?
13:41I...
13:42She had some kids.
13:43OK, she's nothing.
13:45She's married to Robbie.
13:46But she's got no talent.
13:48I remember when he said that watching her give birth
13:50was like watching his favourite pub burn to the ground.
13:55That was hilarious.
13:56I think he's funny.
13:58Hi.
13:59Who are you?
14:01My name is Ivo.
14:02Ivo!
14:04OK, this is going to be bad.
14:05This is already bad.
14:08I'm usually a contemporary choreographer.
14:11Accidentally discovered that I can write songs.
14:31Look at his hair and his moustache.
14:33He's such a cool guy.
14:36He actually looks a bit like you, bro.
14:37It does.
14:38Does it now?
14:39Or maybe just...
14:40I don't look like every person with a moustache, alright guys?
14:42Jeez.
14:53It's pretty cool.
14:55I like it so much more than I thought I was going to.
15:04Oh, for fuck's sake.
15:05Amazing.
15:07This is so cool.
15:09This is the coolest thing I think I've ever seen.
15:18I thought that was pretty good.
15:19Oh, Jesus.
15:20Look at him.
15:21He's one unit.
15:23One sandwich short of a picnic.
15:24One roo short of the top attic.
15:31It's a no from me.
15:33The thing is, he's completely serious about what he just did.
15:37Because it's art.
15:41I think that was awesome.
15:43I think they should definitely let...
15:45They need more...
15:49I couldn't take my eyes off you.
15:51I would like to see you again.
15:57Oh, Robbie.
15:59Good on you, Robbie.
16:02This is a bit too weird for me.
16:03Sorry, it's a no.
16:04Oh, Louis.
16:05Shucks.
16:07I like weird stuff.
16:10It's a yes from me.
16:12Oh, my God.
16:14What the fuck?
16:15What?
16:19I would be very curious to see where this guy could go.
16:22So you've got three yeses.
16:25Yay!
16:26Good, Robbie!
16:30Oh, for God's sake.
16:32I can't believe it.
16:34Don't worry.
16:35Simon will hate himself later for it.
16:40What?
16:41Yeah.
16:43Hold your head up high
16:49And don't be afraid
16:54Of the storm
16:57That's going to be a...
16:58Walk on through the rain
17:03I love that show.
17:04Yeah, I do too.
17:06I reckon you're a good singer, Nan.
17:08Well, I did win a talent quiz when I was 13.
17:12It was judged by the length that the crowd clapped.
17:16Oh.
17:17And my family were amazing.
17:19Clappers.
17:20They clapped and clapped as though they were never going to stop clapping.
17:25So I won.
17:26Oh, awesome.
17:32Ready?
17:33Got you, homie.
17:34I'm hungry.
17:35Let's get it.
17:36Hmm.
17:39Better than everybody used to.
17:40Shh.
17:41It's coming on.
17:42It's coming on.
17:43Yes.
17:44Yes.
17:45On Sunday night, we went bush with Māori Television's Toa Hunter Gatherer.
17:49Within the realms of kaitiakitanga for the natural world brings a degree of adventure.
17:58Is this something fairly new, hunting, gathering?
18:02No, Nana, this has been going on for centuries.
18:05It's like you, eh, George, you're a bush mouldy.
18:08Yeah.
18:09What?
18:10You give George a screwdriver, Lee, he'll come back with a sow or a boar.
18:15I don't know what channel you've been watching, but it ain't reality channel.
18:19National Georgia Graphic.
18:25On the programme, presenter Owen Boynton used traditional hunting methods.
18:30Māori didn't use bow and arrows.
18:32Yes, they did.
18:33No, they didn't.
18:34My ancestors told me.
18:35No.
18:38It's late in the afternoon, and I'm hoping the night will bring a drop in temperature.
18:43Do you think he has a GPS?
18:45Who?
18:46That Māori dude.
18:47Of course he does.
18:49He might just know the bush.
18:51Oh yeah, I like to know the bush.
18:53I sense movement in the bush ahead.
18:56Best to stay still and listen, and let the ngāhere tell you what's going on.
19:01Do you visit the bush, Sarah?
19:02Occasionally.
19:05Have either of you seen hunting?
19:08No.
19:10No?
19:11No.
19:12I only went hunting for Dad, I found him and then I gave up.
19:15Oh my God.
19:19The film crew kept Owen in their sights, despite his heavy camouflage.
19:24Why's he got all that mud on his face?
19:31It's a camouflage.
19:32Camouflage.
19:34He's camouflaged his face, and he's dressed in bright orange.
19:37Nah, cos the camo's for deer, so they can't see that colour.
19:41Eh?
19:42They can't see that bright orange.
19:43You reckon?
19:44Yeah.
19:45How do you know?
19:46Are you a deer?
19:48Yeah, he's my deer.
19:52It'd be a pretty bloody boring TV show otherwise.
19:54He doesn't get a stag.
19:56It's a pretty boring TV show as it is.
19:59A roar from a stag gave the game away.
20:04Sounded like someone farting.
20:08Had a night out.
20:10Had a night out there.
20:17It honestly sounds like you in the morning.
20:21Bugle bumper.
20:24Guys, stop, I want to listen.
20:26No.
20:27Toby?
20:29It wasn't long before the stag was in Owen's sights.
20:34Run, Bambi, run.
20:36Jesus.
20:37Leave it alone.
20:40Leave it alone.
20:43Make a noise so the stag can tickle.
20:45Go, go!
20:48There he is.
20:50Oh, I wouldn't want to watch that.
20:53Yuck.
20:55Poor thing.
20:57It's dead, Mum.
20:59I know it's dead, but it was alive, wasn't it?
21:04No, I'm not doing this.
21:09If you cut it down the back here,
21:11and then take out the little piece here,
21:13you get roll of, um,
21:15serline.
21:17Filet-O-Talula.
21:18Filet-O-Talula.
21:19Oh, she's just, she's growling.
21:27Come on, baby.
21:29What's your baby?
21:31What are you doing to Mummy's baby?
21:34She's like that one three-year-old cousin
21:36who wants to play with all the 15-year-old cousins,
21:38but then ends up crying and sooking
21:40and goes back to her parents,
21:42gets the older ones in trouble,
21:44then comes back the next day and does it all over again.
21:48On Monday night,
21:49an old favourite returned to BBC Earth.
21:52It was a bit of a shock.
21:53On Monday night,
21:54an old favourite returned to BBC Earth.
21:58Looking down from two miles above the surface of the Earth,
22:02it's impossible not to be impressed
22:04by the sheer grandeur and splendour
22:07and power of the natural world.
22:11He is getting old.
22:12How old is he?
22:13I don't know.
22:14Shall we Google?
22:16I reckon, what do you reckon?
22:17I reckon 80s?
22:1880s?
22:19Yeah, I'm going to guess 84.
22:2492!
22:26He's 92 years old!
22:28That is insane.
22:29This is Planet Earth 2.
22:36Every time I hear David Attenborough's voice,
22:38an animal dies.
22:40Here we explore the over-elderly aged Caucasian male.
22:46Though he floats through the toughest of climates
22:50and the harshest of terrain,
22:52he still manages to get the sweeter end of the stick.
22:58The tiny island of Escudo, off the coast of Panama.
23:04Home to the pygmy three-toed sloth.
23:09I love sloths.
23:11They all look like Liam Gallagher.
23:13Yeah, I listen to a podcast about sloths.
23:15Oh, what do you know?
23:16They only shit once a week.
23:18Okay.
23:19And they shit a third of their body weight
23:22and it's as painful as giving birth.
23:27Yeah.
23:28Did you know that three-toed sloths can't swim in water?
23:34And how did you learn this?
23:35Science!
23:37There are only a few hundred pygmy sloths in existence
23:41and he needs a mate.
23:45That's an enticing call from a female.
23:48If only dating was that easy, eh?
23:51I need a boyfriend!
23:53Yeah!
23:57And this, for a sloth, is a quick reaction.
24:05She's already pregnant to another sloth
24:07and his bandmates have released another album.
24:11The problem is, there's deep water between them.
24:16So what should any red-blooded sloth do?
24:21Swim, of course.
24:24Oh, so they can swim.
24:27Okay.
24:29I'm coming! I'm coming, Martha! I'm coming!
24:33And he's going across the deep ocean by himself.
24:37Well, there's a woman.
24:39Shucks, maybe he won't even open the door for me.
24:42But she's not the one.
24:44She already has a baby.
24:46Oh, she's not the one!
24:50Do you know what a baby sloth is called?
24:52I don't know, what?
24:53Slothlet.
24:54Okay, now, is this like the slither or is this a genuine?
24:57That's real.
24:58Slothlet. A little slothlet.
25:00Yeah, no, I made that up.
25:01You're such a bitch.
25:03The filmmakers visited a remote volcanic island
25:06to observe a colony of penguins.
25:08It's the last place on earth you'd choose to live.
25:15Unless you're a chinstrap penguin.
25:19Did you know that penguins offer pebbles to each other to propose?
25:24Yeah, and the better the pebble, the more likely you are to get a partner.
25:31The better the rock, just like with humans.
25:34This mother's chicks are hungry, but she has no food left to give them.
25:40Their survival depends on their father returning with their next meal.
25:44Oh! How many of these are going to die?
25:49He's been fishing 50 miles offshore.
25:52I love how they zoom in on this one penguin,
25:54like how they know that's the dad,
25:56and it's like, whatever, it's just a random penguin.
26:00Bits of the ear look the same, does it?
26:01Lisa, Lisa, where are you?
26:04Doreen.
26:05I'm over here, Kevin. Hi.
26:09Little Siobhan and Bronte are with us.
26:13At last.
26:17Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
26:23Oh!
26:25Wait, we're waiting for Daddy to pick and save.
26:29He's just going to vomit everything up for the kids.
26:35Yummy!
26:36Islands may seem remote and insignificant,
26:40but they're home to some of the most precious wildlife on Earth.
26:45Hey.
26:46That was heartwarming.
26:47No one died.
26:48Well, no sloths died in the making of this particular documentary,
26:53which we're excited about.
26:55All in all, it's been a satisfactory day in the office.
26:59My faith in the world is restored.
27:12Will and I found a lamb on the side of the road.
27:16Don't depress me.
27:17No, no.
27:18No, I'll go into the deep depression.
27:20No, it just ran away from its thing, and we fed it almonds.
27:23Oh, no.
27:24Lambs love almonds.
27:26It didn't die.
27:27We took it back to its farm.
27:29Oh, thank goodness.
27:30It was, like, this big, though, and it was grey, and it was so fluffy,
27:34and we, like, because Will knows I like almonds,
27:37so we left, like, an almond tray, and it went,
27:39and we patted its head and stuff.
27:41Oh.
27:42Well, you did a good turn.
27:44We pulled over in our car.
27:46You have to, eh?
27:47Yeah.
27:48Have to save animals.
27:54On Monday night, MTV's Just Tattoo of Us
27:57pushed the boundaries of good taste.
27:59Two people design tattoos for one another,
28:02but they don't see the design until it's inked and it's too late.
28:07Family viewing.
28:09Oh, my God, this is the stupidest thing I've ever seen.
28:13This is Just Tattoo of Us.
28:17The old Geordie Shore people.
28:19Just Tattoo of Us.
28:21Ooh, I like that.
28:23Very clever.
28:25What a dumb bloody idea is this?
28:28Who the hell would want to do that?
28:30That's that Muppet from Geordie Shore.
28:33They're all Muppets on Geordie Shore.
28:35Just the two of us.
28:38Da-da-dee-da-dee-da-da, just the two of us.
28:43I'm Deanna, I'm 20 and I'm from South Shields.
28:45I'm here with one of me good friends, Nicole.
28:48I'm here for a tattoo which I'm going to probably regret.
28:51If you were to get a tattoo, where would you put it?
28:54On me boob.
28:56No, boobs. Which one?
28:58I'd put a butterfly on my boob.
29:00The fourth, fifth or sixth.
29:02Jason, nice to meet you.
29:04Nice to meet you.
29:06It's going on your right into your left.
29:10On your right inner thigh.
29:13Take a look at those skanks who's getting it done.
29:17That would scare the shit out of me.
29:19Three, two, one.
29:21Let's go.
29:32Right on the cheek.
29:34Now she's got to wear that great big bandage.
29:36She's not allowed to swim for weeks.
29:38So don't ever get it done.
29:40Stop doing that mum.
29:43You're so against it, you're pushing your own gender.
29:46We know you don't want us to have tattoos, leave it there.
29:49She won't be able to swim for weeks.
29:51Look at that big amount of pain she had to go through.
29:55Stop.
29:57They do not know what they're doing to their bodies.
30:00Stupid monkeys.
30:02Deanna, how does it feel to be up there with the goggles on?
30:06It's killing us inside, that's why I know what it is.
30:09Drum roll.
30:17Are you having a fucking laugh?
30:21Oh, no.
30:23Virgin.
30:25She's a virgin.
30:27Now you've told the world, darling.
30:29Cool.
30:31Deanna might be a virgin.
30:33Hers probably says slut.
30:37I hope it's something similar.
30:39Karma's a bitch.
30:45Open 24 hours.
30:51Hello.
30:53Hello.
30:55She's a virgin, she's open 24 hours.
30:57Here I am.
30:59Come and get it.
31:01Do you like it, Nicole?
31:03It's not my favourite type.
31:05I think I could keep it.
31:07I can't decide whether it was the best TV idea in the world
31:12or literally the worst.
31:14Like, it's both amazing and concerning
31:17because they're going to breed.
31:19They're going to breed other people.
31:21MUSIC PLAYS
31:27Monday night on BBC Earth,
31:29writer-adventurer Will Millard
31:31went where not many other people have been before him.
31:35There lives a tribe that is one of the most ancient
31:38and isolated cultures on Earth.
31:40The Korowai were not visited by outsiders
31:43until around 40 years ago...
31:45HE SINGS
31:51Shh.
31:55Oh, my God, my year with the tribe.
31:57I'm kind of curious.
31:59You'll have to listen and find out.
32:01This stuff blows my mind, eh?
32:03Isn't it crazy that they're living on the same planet as us?
32:06Will wanted an authentic experience with the Korowai tribe
32:10and had gone as far as learning their language.
32:13HE SPEAKS
32:21It's interesting because of the amount of times he repeated what he said.
32:25It's kind of like when I'm delegating and directing the family here.
32:30I have to tell you guys multiple times before you follow.
32:34Whatever.
32:37Will's first contact, Marcus, welcomed him with open arms.
32:41I'm going to say, Will. Marcus, yeah?
32:44OK.
32:46Those are some nice nips.
32:49Very pointy.
32:51I just want to touch them.
32:56OK, I'm not asking you to look at his penis,
32:59but has he tied that in a knot?
33:03Bring the camera up a bit.
33:07Here we go.
33:09The documentary team then followed Marcus to visit his closest neighbours,
33:13whose treehouse was a two-hour trek away.
33:17Oh, yeah?
33:21Oh, right, just for us.
33:25He wants you to take his photo.
33:27He's opposing me to the treehouse!
33:30This is me with my ex.
33:36Oh, this is like going to China in the villages.
33:39What the hell?
33:41It reminds me.
33:47She's just, like, living her best life.
33:49Like, no bra, she's got it all out.
33:52I love it.
33:54Could you go in there and do that, Liv?
33:56No, hold on.
33:58Not just, can you go in there and do that?
34:01Like, exactly how they are, dressed as they are.
34:05No clothing, you know, not even your jockeys.
34:10Got a free ball in here, baby.
34:13I tell you, there would be a dedicated hour every day
34:17where I'd just stand there in a helicopter.
34:20Yeah!
34:33This is total artifice.
34:35What?
34:37They're doing it just to...
34:40just for the cameras, like, this lifestyle.
34:42Like, this isn't where they live.
34:44Oh, so she's a fake?
34:46Yeah, they don't really live her best life like that all the time.
34:49Oh, I'm disappointed.
34:51So they're only doing that because there's foreigners there
34:54and they think it's what's expected.
34:56That's awful.
34:58Yeah, that's horrific.
35:00I've just been told that there's somewhere further upstream
35:03where people might still be living in the old way.
35:06Hey.
35:09Salamat Siang.
35:12So the first tribe was truly corrupted with money and modern stuff.
35:17By him going back there four times a year,
35:19is he not starting the process of corrupting this tribe?
35:23Yeah, but I suppose the other thing is
35:25they probably already have met other people
35:27because otherwise why would they be so welcoming?
35:30Wouldn't they be surprised to see a white guy?
35:33I still feel a bit lied to, so, like, I don't know what I believe.
35:37All right, I guess that settles it.
35:40I'm inspired.
35:42We're going to live our lives as one of the people
35:45that everybody should strip off.
35:47Let's go. I ain't fucking around.
35:49Let's go!
35:51Come on, Jules. We're out of here.
35:53Come on.
35:55But even here, as I was to find out over the course of the next year,
36:00all is not quite what it seems.
36:07Ah!
36:09Huh?
36:11Set up again.
36:13Set what up?
36:15Oh, so he's been fooled again.
36:17So I was right.
36:19I said that, not you.
36:21So just because something was different,
36:25so it exactly lines up with what you guys said?
36:28No, no, no, Max.
36:30We belong to a male patriarchal society
36:33No, no, no, Max.
36:35We belong to a male patriarchal society
36:37where what I say is correct by the fact I'm merely a male.
36:41Therefore, what I said was correct,
36:43that I was pointing out that they would...
36:46they were going to become corrupted.
36:48I thought I said that. I pointed that out.
36:51Well, of course you did.
36:53But given that we belong to a male patriarchal society...
36:55Oh, stop it.
36:57It was me that actually said it.
36:59No, but you actually said it first.
37:01No, but you did.
37:03I know. Up here. Don't leave me hanging.
37:05Don't leave me hanging.
37:07Just pound it.
37:09The actual truth is you started it first.
37:11You said it first, then she said it.
37:13Shut up!
37:25Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug.
37:27What was that?
37:29Are you sure you're not going to get drunk?
37:31Cheers, Howard.
37:33To us.
37:35Where's mine? I'll leave you hanging.
37:39Bravo's Friday night movie was a heartwarming tale
37:42set in North East England in the 80s.
37:51Oh, Billy Elliot!
37:53Yes!
37:55Yes, this is right.
37:57I love this movie.
37:59Oh, I love this movie too.
38:05The story follows ballet-mad Billy
38:07who's taken under the wing of the local dance teacher.
38:11And it, and hold it.
38:15Hold it.
38:19Hold it.
38:21Hold it.
38:23Hold it.
38:25Hold it.
38:27You would not be a good ballerina.
38:29Why?
38:31Sorry.
38:33Yeah, I agree.
38:35Why not?
38:37I don't know.
38:39I'm gracious.
38:41No, you're not.
38:43I'm quite elegant on my feet.
38:47Billy's working-class dad was not impressed.
38:55Oh!
38:57My boy's not going to do bloody ballet.
39:01You!
39:03Out!
39:05Now!
39:07I beg your pardon.
39:09Please hold her arm.
39:11Ballet is for guys as well.
39:13Why is he struggling to accept it?
39:15Because he's closed-minded,
39:17like you.
39:21You've got to feel sorry for the day, don't you?
39:23Yeah, because back in those times
39:25it was rarely looked down upon.
39:27Yeah.
39:29Lads do football,
39:31or boxing,
39:33or wrestling.
39:37Not friggin' ballet.
39:39You miserable sod.
39:41Listen, from now on
39:43you can forget about the fucking ballet.
39:45You can forget about the fucking boxing as well.
39:47Billy refused to stop dancing.
39:59Do the feet, do the feet.
40:03He's going to dance.
40:07He's so good, eh?
40:09He makes me want to dance.
40:11Yeah.
40:13How do you feel when you dance, Neville?
40:15How do you feel when you dance, Neville?
40:17Like a bird or an elephant?
40:19Drunk, mainly.
40:21Oh, okay.
40:23Eventually,
40:25Billy's dad had a change of heart
40:27and let him audition at a flash ballet school.
40:37Go, Billy.
40:39Show them what you're capable of, boy.
40:41Go on, young fella.
40:43Give it to them.
40:45Is this a true story?
40:59Clap, idiots!
41:05At the end,
41:07a letter arrived to tell Billy
41:09that he was accepted into the dance school.
41:15I can't stand it.
41:23Dear Billy.
41:33Oh, he's going to go.
41:35Fair enough.
41:37His family will be like us.
41:39They won't be able to wait.
41:41You reckon he's got it, Maureen?
41:43He looks scared now.
41:45He looks absolutely petrified.
41:53Did he get it?
41:55He hasn't opened it yet.
42:07Yes!
42:09Did you get it?
42:11Billy!
42:13He got in?
42:19Oh!
42:21Oh!
42:23Woo!
42:25Yay!
42:27Oh!
42:29Oh!
42:31Oh!
42:33Oh!
42:35Oh!
42:37Yay!
42:39Hooray!
42:49He did it!
42:51He fucking did it!
42:55It is one of those, Maureen.
42:57It is one of those, Maureen.
42:59As per usual, I bore.
43:01Yeah.
43:03So,
43:05is he a famous ballet dancer?
43:07Maureen, you keep asking.
43:11He's Billy Connolly's
43:13cousin.
43:15Mum, you've asked us that
43:1750 times.
43:19Billy Connolly, Billy Elliot, Billy Idol,
43:21Billy Ocean,
43:23and Billy Slater.
43:25And Billy the Kid.
43:27And Billy Joel.
43:29They're from the Billy clan.
43:33Oh!
43:35Oh!
43:37Oh!
43:39Oh!
43:41Oh!
43:43Oh!
43:45Oh!
43:47Oh!
43:49Oh!
43:51Oh!
44:03Oh!
44:05Oh!
44:07Oh!
44:09Oh!
44:11Oh!
44:13Oh!
44:15Oh!
44:17Oh!
44:19Oh!
44:21Oh!
44:23Oh!
44:25Oh!
44:27Oh!
44:29Oh!