Gogglebox NZ S1E08 (2024)
Gogglebox NZ S1E08 (2024)
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TVTranscript
00:00What the hell's wrong with you?
00:20Oh, take it off!
00:28Take it off!
00:37Every evening in New Zealand, over two million of us spend the night on the couch in front
00:42of the TV.
00:43Who's this one?
00:44No, he's just a contestant.
00:48We're going behind closed doors to find out what Kiwis thought about what was on TV in
00:57the last seven days.
00:58In the week when 15,000 of us were rattled by a 6.2 magnitude earthquake, Australia put
01:05its best ninja foot forward on three.
01:11The Bachelorette put two of her suitors to the test on Bravo, and Sky Movies celebrated
01:22Halloween.
01:38On Monday night, three brought us Aussie ninjas galore.
01:42Every day, Australian men and women taking on the toughest obstacle course in the world.
01:49Ninja warrior!
01:50Yes!
01:51Run!
01:52Go!
01:53Yeah!
01:54Go!
01:55Yeah!
01:56Go on, ninja!
01:57You know, sometimes I watch this and I feel like I can do it.
01:58We all know you can't.
01:59Young penguin.
02:00Sit down, grasshopper.
02:01Grasshopper.
02:02Sometimes I wish my family was semi-normal.
02:13My ninja tribe.
02:15Let's bring out our first competitor for 2018.
02:20In the show, scantily-clad Australians competed for the chance to win $200,000.
02:25Damn!
02:26Ooh!
02:27Oh, hey!
02:28Hey, girl.
02:29He's got a nice body.
02:30His titties are going up and down.
02:31Nah.
02:32You watch.
02:33Jesus.
02:34He's jacked.
02:35He pays tax just like I do, so there's no difference.
02:37I could rub some oil over that and not feel guilty.
02:38Buckle up.
02:39Here we go.
02:40Quintuple steps.
02:41Look at those abs, honey.
02:42You like those?
02:43Here we go, Freddie.
02:44You've got a body like that, and you can't do that.
02:55You're in trouble.
02:59You've got a body like that and you can't do that, you're in trouble.
03:02Man, I could do that easily.
03:04Shh!
03:04His poo would have muscles.
03:07Onto the ball.
03:09And the... Oh!
03:09Oh!
03:13He slipped.
03:14He couldn't hold onto his balls.
03:15He dropped his balls.
03:16Yeah.
03:17They've dropped, Max. They've dropped.
03:19Ha-ha-ha-ha!
03:20LAUGHTER
03:22If this was really Australian, you'd have crocodiles in the water
03:26and the things you gotta swing from when you go...
03:29Snakes?
03:30You'd be snakes, yeah.
03:31Competitor Ian was the oldest ever Australian ninja.
03:36G'day.
03:37I'm Ian Newland, otherwise known as Rambo.
03:42And I'm 64 years young.
03:44George!
03:45Oh, Lord!
03:47It's me, Lorax, coming in.
03:48It's the Lorax!
03:50Hey, look, mate, this isn't First Blood Part 2, all right? Keep your clothes on.
03:54I think he should go OK, simply because he's got a powerful mo.
04:00He's inspiration to me already.
04:01He's known as Rambo.
04:03I'm sorry, but I don't really think he's gonna go very far.
04:07I watched season one on television, and I thought, you know what? I would give it a go.
04:12Hello. It's Grandpa.
04:13Grandpa.
04:15You do it, Grandpa.
04:17You go for it.
04:18Someone's having a midlife crisis.
04:21He's got abs.
04:22You've got flaps.
04:24Body of a 25-year-old, face of a mature man.
04:28Ha-ha-ha!
04:29But it's all down to the mo. If he got rid of the mo, then he'd knock off another 20 years.
04:33No, mate. No. With a mo like that, he can't be killed.
04:37The Bridge of Blades. This is gonna be tough. It's tough for anyone.
04:41Come on, pops. Come on, Bob.
04:43Oh, he's taking himself. Oh, look at that. OK, go on, Ian. Go. Spin, spin, spin.
04:46Come on, Bob. Oh!
04:48Oh!
04:49Oh!
04:50Oh, my!
04:52Oh, Ian!
04:53You're a winner.
04:55He doesn't need a hip replacement after that.
04:58Many ninjas' dreams were thwarted by the ball swing challenge.
05:02Can he get through the ball swing to Kagane?
05:05He might just do it.
05:06He's gonna do it. He is. There you go. Oh, there we go.
05:10Oh, my God.
05:11I take my comment back.
05:13Look at this guy. What's doing?
05:15Oh! Oh!
05:17I don't take my comment back.
05:19I don't take it back.
05:20Oh, well, anyway, you did the best.
05:23Bless him.
05:25Olivia X, known as Straya,
05:27made a comeback after being beaten by the Warped Wall last season.
05:31We get it. You're first.
05:33Man.
05:34Remember, it's exactly the same course for the men and the women.
05:38What do you think about the guys competing against the girls?
05:42Is that fair?
05:43Go on, girl. What's unfair about that?
05:45I got no problems with that.
05:47She called a flying shelf grab.
05:49Up she goes.
05:50The crowd went wild
05:51as Straya confidently smashed her way through the course.
05:54Well, they call it the flying shell grab.
05:56Ba-da-da!
05:58No woman has made it past this obstacle.
06:01Can she keep going?
06:03Yes, she hits it and holds it.
06:05She's incredible. What an athlete.
06:09Oh, come on. Oh, my gosh.
06:12Ugh, that's so cringy.
06:14Put her on the shore for the crowd.
06:16Oh!
06:17Stop being a fucking show-off.
06:20Keep your strength up, girl. Never mind that rubbish.
06:23In the climax of the show, Straya faced her nemesis.
06:27There she goes. No.
06:29Well, she wasn't even close there.
06:31This is a test, though. This is a test.
06:34The bloody wall.
06:36You do get another two chances.
06:38Come on, Olivia. Time to shine.
06:42This is for history.
06:44No, no.
06:45Oh!
06:47Oh, man. Oh!
06:49Oh!
06:51What a show-off.
06:53That was more like a ninja than anybody so far.
06:56Straya!
06:59Oh.
07:01That's it. Yell out. Yoo-hoo!
07:04Ozzy, Ozzy, Ozzy!
07:06Oi, oi!
07:08Ozzy, Ozzy, Ozzy!
07:10Oi, oi, oi.
07:13Come on. Oi, oi, oi.
07:15You're not Ozzy.
07:16Oi, oi.
07:20Oi, oi, oi.
07:22Oh.
07:24Oh, lovely.
07:33I'm a winner.
07:51Can you beg? Come on. Effy, come.
07:53But we joined Ali on her endless quest for love.
07:57Ooh, bachelorette.
07:58The bachelorette!
08:00The bachelorette!
08:01Bachelorette!
08:02There we go.
08:04This week, host Osher delivered a date card
08:07that came with a twist.
08:09Two men will go on this date,
08:11but only one will return.
08:13Ooh, they're all ugly.
08:14One time, eh, dear?
08:15No, they're not.
08:16Not one time, I saw it play out.
08:16Ugly.
08:17You're calling them ugly,
08:18but look at what you're wearing.
08:20He is handsome.
08:25They're trying to make it more interesting
08:27than it actually is.
08:30Yvonne.
08:32What?
08:34Jesus, Paddy, calm your farm.
08:36Why are they so upset about it?
08:38Yeah, why are they upset about it?
08:39Well, who would want to go on that date
08:40if it's definitely one person
08:42who's gonna go there?
08:42Yeah, but why would you be worried?
08:43He's crying!
08:45Mate, I just, like, it hurts, man.
08:48Oh, he's crying!
08:50What the hell?
08:55Oh, blow your nose!
08:58You're a grown-ass man.
08:59Goodness, mate.
09:00Yeah, suck it up.
09:03You're a bitch.
09:04I know.
09:05Get it together, man.
09:06Why are they crying?
09:08Hey, guys, it's an emotional time for them.
09:11You haven't broken up yet.
09:13Go on the date, man.
09:14Oh, I feel for them.
09:15Emotional.
09:17You guys are just heartless.
09:18But how invested is he?
09:20Clearly very.
09:20Clearly invested.
09:21Get him some concrete pills.
09:23He's heartless.
09:23These guys are here to find the love of their life.
09:25You of all people should know that.
09:28To make the right decision,
09:29I need to spend quality time one-on-one
09:31with both of these guys.
09:32So I've asked them to cook a meal.
09:34Bill is going to create the main meal,
09:37and Yvonne is gonna cook the dessert.
09:39She's pretty.
09:40Nah.
09:41Probably a five.
09:43Five?
09:44Does that make me a two?
09:45That makes you a three.
09:46Shh.
09:48What would you cook, Dylan?
09:50Mac and cheese.
09:52Really?
09:53That's your meal to impress?
09:55Yep.
09:55Nice.
09:57While Bill prepared the main course,
09:59Yvonne took the bull by the horns.
10:02I know Bill's in the kitchen,
10:04but I'd love to know if there's a spark.
10:09And I'd love to kiss him.
10:10Ooh, I'd love to kiss you.
10:14Right now?
10:15Yep.
10:16Ha ha ha ha.
10:17No.
10:18Ooh, that's awkward.
10:20Is she gonna give permission?
10:23She's sizing them up.
10:24Is she gonna go in?
10:28I don't think we should do that while Bill's in there.
10:32No, she doesn't want to kiss you.
10:33Soz, mate.
10:36Then it was Yvonne's turn in the kitchen.
10:39I just had a look at the instructions
10:40to make avocado mousse.
10:42It said to grab two avocados,
10:44and I've grabbed them,
10:45and I've put the whole lot in the blender.
10:47Oh my god, not the whole avocado.
10:49He is a complete plonker.
10:51Ha ha ha ha ha.
10:56Oh, seriously.
10:59Oh, you're gonna kill the blender.
11:02Is he being for real?
11:02He's a minion.
11:03I want to know, like,
11:05if you really, truly can see yourself.
11:09He's still grinding away his avocados.
11:12Ha ha ha ha.
11:14Oh my god, that's insane.
11:17Do you see a future with me?
11:19Could you see yourself falling in love and...
11:21and kids?
11:23Ha ha ha ha ha.
11:29Oh, oh no.
11:32Don't just grind me up.
11:35You're as thick as two short planks.
11:40After dessert,
11:41it was time for Ali to make a decision.
11:44Oh my god.
11:46This decision is so hard.
11:48Oh, it is not.
11:50See, Tebow knows.
11:51He's disgusted with his own gender.
11:55Okay, out of these two, who would you pick?
11:56I choose him.
11:57Oh, he's hot.
11:58He's hot, eh?
11:59Give him the rose.
12:01I've gone after my heart,
12:04and my heart tells me...
12:07that I can't see a future with you yet.
12:13Because you put an avocado...
12:15He's gonna cry.
12:17He's gonna cry.
12:17In a mixer, you idiot.
12:19He's gonna cry.
12:22I'm sorry, Yvonne.
12:24Was it cause I blended the avocado
12:26without peeling and seeding it?
12:29Yep, it's got something to do with it.
12:32He's grinding it for fucking hours.
12:35And he doesn't know why, what he's done.
12:39Mate, she goes through all the boys,
12:41and then, you know, thinks she's gonna come back.
12:46Fucking way.
12:48Trust me, she won't want you.
12:53All right, so all agreed that Yvonne's being a little bitch.
12:56Raise your hand.
13:00Oh, well.
13:01Yay!
13:03Thank you, George.
13:05Did you cry?
13:07Probably in the car, eh?
13:08You're not gonna cry here, eh?
13:09Who, me?
13:10Yeah.
13:11I wouldn't cry there, no way.
13:13I might cry a bit later,
13:14cry myself to sleep or something.
13:16I'll just put on some edge shearing
13:17and put myself to sleep.
13:19Some tears.
13:20I don't know if you've done this before.
13:22No?
13:23I definitely wouldn't be putting on dive bait shearing
13:25and crying myself to sleep.
13:27Aw.
13:28Even after three months straight.
13:30Aw, it's all right.
13:32I'm fine, don't even touch me, it's fine.
13:34You should've told me.
13:37I would've listened.
13:37Aw, you're all right.
13:39You're all right, big boy.
13:40You're all right, man.
13:41You're all right, man.
13:46Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack.
13:48Dominating one news at 6 p.m. this week
13:51was Harry and Meghan's tour down under.
13:53After a hectic day in Auckland,
13:55from throwing gumboots to unveilings and charity support,
13:59their daytime schedule ended with a public walkabout
14:02full of bouquets and baby presents.
14:04Oh, God.
14:06I love the royals.
14:07I do not care about the royals.
14:09Booting demure royal stereotypes into touch,
14:14the Duchess of Sussex taking out
14:16her first Auckland event in style.
14:18For you, missus.
14:19If it weren't for your gumboots, where would you be?
14:22You'd be in the hospital or infirmary.
14:27Have you ever done it?
14:29Nah.
14:30Never thrown a gumboot before in my life.
14:31Neither.
14:32Dylan?
14:33Yeah, I threw a gumboot.
14:34It wasn't competition or anything.
14:36Was it?
14:36I just took it off one day.
14:37In the central city,
14:39crowds braved the soggy weather,
14:40arriving early for ringside seats for the royal walkabout.
14:44Get back to work, you lazy buggers.
14:46Why do we have the royals come here?
14:49Oh, just so we can form a line,
14:50take a day off work, form a line,
14:51and wave at these people.
14:53Yeah.
14:55Thanks for coming.
14:56Didn't your girlfriend want you to go?
14:58Yeah.
14:59Didn't she want you to go?
15:00What'd you say?
15:01Did you go with her?
15:02Nah.
15:02Sad.
15:03I had other things to do.
15:04I'd watch paint dry.
15:06The cheekiness of Harry, how he's quite cheeky,
15:08and I don't know, he's just down to earth.
15:10I thought that was Prince Harry.
15:13I wonder if he's inspired by Harry,
15:17as he is also a ginger.
15:18Yeah, well, it's important the gingers stick together.
15:20They are dying out.
15:21The wet wait giving way to a grand entrance.
15:25I don't know about Meghan, but I just love Harry.
15:28I love Harry.
15:29Harry's the bomb.
15:31Do you know someone told me I looked like Meghan?
15:34Did they?
15:35Yeah, at work.
15:36Did they have their glasses on?
15:37Wow.
15:38I think it was a hugely successful visit.
15:43They looked really relaxed.
15:44Some people are moaning about the amount of money it cost
15:49the taxpayers, but I think it was well worth it.
15:54My grandma loves it.
15:55Oh, yeah.
15:56She's waiting for, she's going to get her letter
15:58in three years' time.
16:00Oh, yeah, okay, yep.
16:01From the Queen?
16:02Yep, from the Queen.
16:03Saying, high five, you made it to 100.
16:04Yep.
16:15So you're kicking Movember off with a bang?
16:19Yeah, mate.
16:20Yeah?
16:21This is day three.
16:22You impressed?
16:22Oh, I don't know.
16:24I've got lots of testosterone to grow this here.
16:26But Movember's all about raising awareness of men's health.
16:31It's about the mo, and not how you got the mo.
16:35That's it?
16:36Yes.
16:37Cheers.
16:40Later in the week on Bravo,
16:41we watched a controversial guide to parenting.
16:45Daddy!
16:46No, don't look!
16:50Extreme guide to parenting, wow.
16:54Oh, yes, helicopter parents.
16:57My parenting style is eco-kosher, shamanistic,
17:00organic, natural, and for highest and best good.
17:03This is my line,
17:04my Diva Mama Aromatherapy Synergy Sprays.
17:08It affects change on all three levels of your being.
17:11Oh, dear.
17:12Oh, dear.
17:14So, to get her kids behaved,
17:16she sprays them with therapy sprays.
17:19What?
17:21Oh, dear.
17:22Honey, I always do this before I do anything.
17:26Really?
17:27Yes, really.
17:31Lady, you're dumb as dog shit.
17:33No, she swears at work.
17:35Yeah, of course she's dumb as dog shit.
17:37Look, even he knows.
17:39You guys are gonna think this is funny,
17:42but I did go to a lady who believes in the same stuff.
17:47She believes in the spray.
17:49And she gave me some spray
17:51for some children in my class to spray.
17:54I've got it in my bag.
17:55I've never used it on you guys.
17:56I'm gonna have to request you to go and get that.
17:58Right.
17:59I need it.
18:00Yeah, right now.
18:01I'm being fully serious.
18:03Go.
18:04Hang on a minute.
18:04This will be good.
18:06This will be unbelievable.
18:07Can you hold this?
18:07No, no, no, no, no.
18:10Shira's methods only work temporarily.
18:12You will come down now.
18:14I freaking hate you.
18:15We've had babies who just run screaming from the house.
18:19Okay, no.
18:20Barely clothed.
18:22It's not an exaggeration.
18:23A little bit of an exaggeration.
18:24We need to now spray and spray.
18:27He's on the spectrum a bit?
18:29No, I don't think so.
18:30I think he's just a normal kid.
18:31But maybe all these funky sprays
18:35might be putting him on a spectrum.
18:37A spray spectrum.
18:39Having been a mother that had ADHD and ADD sons,
18:45eh Quinton?
18:47And an OCD mother.
18:50Correct.
18:50Didn't help.
18:53And a DICK dad.
18:55What?
18:58So, this is the stuff, right?
19:01And you put it in this special little case.
19:04What's the ingredients?
19:05I don't know what the ingredients are, but are you ready?
19:07Has it not got a label on it?
19:08Hang on, don't give them a tea.
19:11Oh, don't do it, don't do it.
19:12No, mum.
19:15Who knew you?
19:16Andy represents my longest, healthiest relationship
19:19in my entire life.
19:20And that's definitely saying something
19:22because I have a very interesting relationship history.
19:24She's been married like four times, five times.
19:27Four times.
19:28Oh, sorry.
19:29Four times, let's not exaggerate.
19:30Oh, fuck's sake.
19:34Don't move, oh my God.
19:37How did four people marry her?
19:39Do you think she's collecting anything else?
19:40I think she's a collector.
19:41Collector.
19:42Yeah.
19:43Yeah.
19:44A couple of dead bodies underneath the house and...
19:47They're the ones who didn't want to marry her.
19:49Mm-hmm.
19:51All right, everyone.
19:55Get out your butt.
19:56No, you don't do that.
19:58Everybody, take some good energy.
20:00Breathe in.
20:02Uh-oh.
20:03The child is poisoned.
20:11No, no.
20:13Lower your voice.
20:14Lower your voice.
20:15Maybe.
20:16Don't yell.
20:17It's not gonna make me lose my mind.
20:19Don't yell.
20:21Get out of it.
20:21Get.
20:23Get.
20:26You bloody little shit.
20:29This isn't...
20:30You made me buy grocery and wet.
20:32This isn't working.
20:32It's supposed to calm everyone down.
20:34Well, it's not.
20:35You just need more.
20:37Oh, fucking hell, you.
20:41Get up.
20:43Get up.
20:52Also on Bravo,
20:53a show about a thoroughly modern relationship phenomenon.
20:57This is Catfish.
21:00The TV show.
21:02Oh, Catfish.
21:03As bad as this is, it is kind of...
21:06It sucks you in.
21:07Catfish.
21:09Lena.
21:11That's a catfish.
21:12A catfish is someone that pretends to be something online,
21:15but they're not in real life.
21:17Yeah, Lena catfished me.
21:18And then these guys, like, meet them up
21:20to see if they're actually who they say they are.
21:23Alyssa from Texas was having an online relationship
21:26with some guy called Tyler.
21:28Tyler is the love of my life.
21:31I've grown to have these, like, crazy feelings for him.
21:34Strangely, Tyler refused to meet Alyssa
21:37or talk to her on the phone.
21:39It's always, like, his excuse of,
21:41I'm not comfortable.
21:43I don't really talk on the phone.
21:45Oh, he's the love of my life.
21:47I've never met him, never spoken to him.
21:49God, he gives a good emoticon.
21:51To be fair, I hate talking on the phone.
21:53Yeah?
21:53I hate it.
21:54I always run out of things to say.
21:55But Jayna likes it.
21:57Aw, Jay.
21:59Does Tyler have, like, a Facebook page
22:01or an Instagram or Snapchat or any of that?
22:03I've never looked him up.
22:05You haven't even seen him.
22:06Come on, sis.
22:07Yes.
22:08Surely, as soon as you give someone your number,
22:10you're like, oh, what's their Facebook like?
22:12Maybe if you see someone in town,
22:13like, you stalk them on Facebook.
22:15I don't know about that, fam.
22:16Oh, OK, well, I do.
22:19Yeah, let's not get carried away.
22:20Jayna, OK.
22:21Well, I look them up on Facebook.
22:23All right.
22:24Alyssa had a vault of texts from her online boyfriend.
22:27I love you.
22:28I love you, too.
22:28Can I get a kiss?
22:29He said, of course.
22:31Ugh, cringe.
22:33All the lines, eh?
22:34Eh.
22:37I love you.
22:38I love you more.
22:39I love you.
22:41You hang out all while they haven't done that
22:42because they haven't spoken on the phone.
22:45Listen to me.
22:46You are not talking to this guy.
22:48I mean, I'm not going to 100% agree with you,
22:50but I see where you're coming from.
22:53Oh, my gosh.
22:53It's just not him.
22:55Let's just see what comes up
22:55when we actually search hot teenage boy abs.
23:00Oh, my God, it's the first three.
23:07Are you kidding me?
23:09But if you were a catfish,
23:10at least you would use like page six.
23:11Yeah, yeah, yeah.
23:12You don't use page one, eh?
23:14Rookie.
23:15The guy you're talking to's name is Tyler.
23:16He does live in Sacramento.
23:18He's about 19 years old,
23:19and I think this is him.
23:22OK.
23:24You better not be doing stuff like that.
23:25Desperate.
23:26That's all right.
23:27I'm not that stupid.
23:28I bet you are stupid.
23:32A meeting was arranged with Tyler in California.
23:36If you've got all these identities
23:37and suddenly the catfish TV,
23:39yeah, it's a bit like time to cut and run.
23:41Yeah.
23:42Mama need a new number.
23:43Alt, alt, control, delete.
23:45Burn the computer in the bonfire.
23:47Poof.
23:48Oh, my God.
23:50Ah!
23:52Hi.
23:53Nev.
23:54Tyler.
23:55Nice to meet you.
23:56What the?
23:58I was afraid that if you saw the real me,
24:00you wouldn't want to talk to me anymore,
24:02and I didn't want that at all.
24:04A cat quite well matched, honey.
24:07Why wouldn't you talk to her on the phone?
24:09Because, honestly, for me, it's easier to text.
24:15And there lies the problem.
24:17The show's hosts, Nev and Max,
24:19have found more profiles linked to Tyler's accounts.
24:23I have no clue what any of those other ones are.
24:25Just keep denying, keep denying.
24:26Yeah, yeah, yeah.
24:27No, it's not me, it's not me, it's not me,
24:28it's not me, it's not me, it's not me.
24:29Are you sure?
24:31It's not me.
24:33I would do anything for you,
24:34and I swear on my mom's life,
24:36I really have no clue about those other profiles.
24:38I really don't.
24:40That's the best.
24:41I would not lie to you,
24:42apart from the fact that you're in a show
24:44about me lying to you.
24:45Don't be dumb second time, Lyssa.
24:48Stand your ground, sis.
24:50You put me in a position where I got hurt.
24:54I don't think I have anything more to say.
24:58Yes, she's strong.
24:59She's like, nah, she doesn't want to see him again.
25:02Good.
25:03Oh, good.
25:05I'd be dumb enough to fall for a catfish.
25:07Same, I feel like I'd fall in love though.
25:10Nah, not fall in love,
25:10like someone just has to go,
25:12I'm a Liverpool fan,
25:13do you want to go watch a Liverpool game with me, man?
25:16Hooked.
25:17Line sinker.
25:19Ready? We're going to watch Jules do her act,
25:20she's doing the aerobics.
25:22Ah, push it.
25:24Da-da-da-da-da-da.
25:26Ah, push it.
25:28She goes, I don't want to dance for you.
25:30Into a roly-poly.
25:35Oh, no.
25:36Oh, no.
25:37Oh, no.
25:38Oh, no.
25:39Oh, no.
25:40Oh, no.
25:41Oh, no.
25:42Oh, no.
25:43Oh, no.
25:44Oh, no.
25:45Oh, no.
25:46Oh, no.
25:47Oh, no.
25:48It didn't work out.
25:49We'll do rehearsals again tomorrow,
25:51but I reckon with a bit of hard work we can do it.
25:54Ooh.
25:56Yeah.
25:57Saturday night on Three,
25:59America shortlisted its best new talent.
26:02Ooh.
26:03From Hollywood...
26:06..it's America's Got Talent,
26:08the semifinals.
26:11Aja, this couch has got a whole lot of talent on it.
26:14You alright, honey?
26:15Yeah.
26:16Here's your host, Tyra Banks.
26:23Look at that sass. You go girl.
26:26She looks like a Christmas tree decoration.
26:28Do you think she naturally walks like that?
26:31No, nobody does.
26:32Don't they?
26:33No.
26:34You walk like that.
26:35I do not.
26:36She's swinging her whole body to the left and then the right,
26:38then the left and then the right.
26:40I could do that.
26:41I could do that too.
26:43You won't fall over.
26:46Her hair looks like noodles.
26:47Looks like me going.
26:49We were all nervous to see the return of one memorable act from the heaps.
26:54This next couple pushes themselves to the limits of danger.
26:57Oh, this is the chick that fell. Remember?
27:00No.
27:01The gymnast.
27:02The gymnast that fell.
27:03Oh.
27:05It's so important for us to show Jax that if something's scary,
27:08You're doing it, buddy.
27:09you push yourself to overcome that fear.
27:11Would you give your child a mullet?
27:12Nope.
27:13Nope.
27:14I would, I reckon.
27:16You will not.
27:19Look at that.
27:21Jesus Christ.
27:24Thank God they're married.
27:25Her vagine's quite up close and personal.
27:27It certainly is.
27:32Oh.
27:34Lovely.
27:35You can't even lift me up to get to the top shelf of the pantry.
27:42See, he deliberately dropped her again.
27:44Into the fire this time.
27:48Oh, he's gone.
27:53How did they get those roller skates on so quickly?
27:58He's got quad skates on and so does she.
28:01S1 should totally be part of her uniform.
28:04Those are crazy.
28:05She's wearing crazy skates like mine.
28:07I literally have those skates.
28:11Oh, shit.
28:12Wow, bro.
28:14Oh, my God.
28:15Did you hear that?
28:16Jesus.
28:17It is so important, isn't it?
28:19Oh, fuck.
28:21Yeah, that's impressive and all, but this one time when I was five,
28:24I lasted a whole 20 seconds on an ice skate before I fell over.
28:29Yeah, everyone can skate in circles like that, brother.
28:32Yeah, they're called Russian circles.
28:33We do it.
28:34Oh, they're not called Russian circles.
28:36How many waves are you trying to find to murder your wife?
28:40Look at his body.
28:41He'd have to have that body to be able to do what he did.
28:45How would you like that to hug you?
28:47I wouldn't mind.
28:49Years ago.
28:50I'm talking about years ago, not now.
28:51Not now.
28:52No.
28:53He'd squeeze the breath out of you.
28:55At the end of the show, two acts went down to the wire.
28:59Duo Transcend and Voices of Hope Children's Choir.
29:05It's all up to the judges.
29:07Voices of Hope Children's Choir.
29:10How could you send them home?
29:13You'll go to hell if you send them home.
29:17Ultimately, the judges were deadlocked and a public vote was the decider.
29:23Drum roll, honey.
29:24Based on tonight's live vote, the act that you have put into the finals is…
29:32Getting tired?
29:34Drum roll.
29:37Drum roll.
29:41She's going to pop a voodoo bell.
29:45Based on America's vote, the act going into the semifinals is…
29:52Duo Transcend!
29:57I'm pleased the kids got it.
29:59The kids didn't get it.
30:00Oh, the kids didn't get it.
30:02No.
30:03Oh!
30:04Oh, blow.
30:06I wanted the kids.
30:07Why?
30:08Well, I don't know about that duo.
30:13What would your talent be if you could go?
30:16You already did this last week when we watched the episode I Can Sing.
30:19We watched X-Factors last week.
30:21Same talent.
30:22When you walk through the storm, hold your head up high.
30:35Don't touch me.
30:36Don't touch me.
30:37Don't touch me.
30:38And don't be afraid.
30:41I don't know what I would do.
30:42Of the dark.
30:45Deep locked.
30:50Tuesday on TBNZ1, the country's best bakers lined up, spatulas at the ready.
31:00Oh, cool.
31:01Bake off.
31:02Cupcake time.
31:03Oh, it's your favourite.
31:07I love an Afghan biscuit.
31:09That coconut in it.
31:10Chocolate crumble.
31:11Do they come from Afghanistan?
31:13Is there coconut in it?
31:17Oh, bake off.
31:19Bake off.
31:20You'd be good at this, honey.
31:21Oh, my God.
31:22Are you kidding me?
31:24My dentures are simply tingling with excitement today because this week is dessert week.
31:31Oh, is it not desserts every week?
31:33I'm confused.
31:34Dessert week?
31:35Yum.
31:36It's a baking show, so I'm gathering dessert will be in it.
31:39No, they just said dessert will be in it.
31:44Now, today, Sue would like you to bake her raspberry chocolate roulade.
31:50Yay!
31:51Oh, can I have some cake?
31:53Because I haven't tried it.
31:54Oh, go on.
31:55Yes, you can.
31:56Roulade.
31:57Roulade is nice.
31:58What the fuck is a roulade?
32:00That sounds hard, doesn't it?
32:02Yo, this cake looks nice.
32:05It's...
32:06It's all right.
32:08And Sue's roulade must be presented as a tree branch.
32:13A tree branch?
32:15Right, peasants, this is what we're cooking today.
32:18Chocolate log, make it look like a tree.
32:20That's it.
32:21We're going to go outside and have a beer.
32:23Oh, like a tree branch.
32:25I got it.
32:26Oh, OK.
32:27Yeah, so...
32:31Oh.
32:33I'm looking for a few things.
32:36First is making a basic sponge.
32:39That looks nicer than this, Mum.
32:41What, don't you want that now?
32:43I'll have it then.
32:44No, I like it.
32:45But that looks nice.
32:46I've just put on a few kilos looking at it.
32:49You've put on a few kilos because you eat French toast every morning.
32:54My 12-year-old son makes an amazing chocolate log.
32:57I'm sort of less practised these days
32:59because he's the one who makes the chocolate logs in our house.
33:01You enjoy a chocolate log on occasion, don't you?
33:06You have produced a beautiful brown log this morning.
33:10It's not a Lincoln log.
33:12What's a Lincoln log?
33:14You know what a Lincoln log is.
33:15I'm trying to remember, what's a Lincoln log, Zara?
33:17It's important.
33:18Definitely a tricky one.
33:19Could curdle your cream, you could crack your roll,
33:21you could burn your ganache.
33:23Garnish.
33:25Garnish.
33:26Have you never had ganache before?
33:28I love ganache.
33:30Not the God.
33:32Oh, what are they talking about there?
33:36Are you kidding me?
33:39While the ganache cooled,
33:40the contestants concentrated on their sponges.
33:43I've rolled my sponge up just to make sure that it rolls a bit of a curve
33:47so it doesn't crack when you roll it back up with the filling in it.
33:50She knows what she's doing.
33:51She knows how to cook, eh?
33:52It looks good as sponge, thin.
33:54That girl is bloody good.
33:55Yeah, she's good, that girl.
33:57Judges Sue and Dean sampled all the logs.
34:00We have seepage.
34:03Look at that seepage!
34:06And we have curdling.
34:09I am a little worried.
34:12Seepage, Jesus.
34:13Looks like food.
34:14It's more than seepage.
34:16Dessert is not a laughing matter.
34:19I like the way that somebody's taken time
34:22to try and get the bark look on the chocolate.
34:25Oh, wow.
34:26Some of those logs are looking good.
34:29Some aren't.
34:31Someone's done a real bark look.
34:34But there's too much cream through the middle there, eh?
34:37And it's all lumped all in one place.
34:39Well, sometimes you over cream, don't you?
34:41Not always intentional.
34:46And it's a surprise, Farrah!
34:48Surprise! I've over creamed!
34:52Sue and Dean then rank the logs from worst to best.
34:55So that brings us down to the last two.
35:03Jeff, Annabelle.
35:04Annabelle!
35:05Take it home, Annabelle.
35:06Jeff's going to win.
35:07And there is only one winner.
35:10Annabelle, you have created a beautiful log.
35:15She is so good.
35:18Yay!
35:20People hate her.
35:23They're being nice to her, but inside they hate her.
35:26Everyone's like, I hate Annabelle.
35:28Always wins.
35:30I reckon Annabelle just won everything, eh?
35:32She's my favourite.
35:33She's like a standout.
35:36There's a clear line between her and everyone else.
35:38She's just born to be great, eh?
35:40In the baking world.
35:42Chef prodigy.
35:48How do you, like, lose weight around your head?
35:52I've only got one frown mark because my forehead's so small.
35:54You can Botox them out and they'll stretch it.
35:57Nah, but how do I just lose weight around there?
35:59How do I work out my face?
36:00You can't lose weight.
36:02Just raise your eyebrows up and down.
36:04No, because that will give you the frown lines.
36:06Raise them down and you'll stretch it out.
36:08Three sets of ten reps.
36:10One, two, three, four.
36:12Don't listen to him.
36:13You're going to get frown lines.
36:15Don't do it.
36:16One minute break.
36:18Keep it 45 seconds.
36:19Keep the intensity up.
36:20Don't do it.
36:21You're going to have to get Botox.
36:25Your heart rate's going up.
36:26Your watch told you.
36:30I damn well will.
36:31This is my Halloween present for you.
36:33Oh, that's lovely, isn't it?
36:35On Wednesday night, Sky Movies celebrated Halloween
36:38by screening a 1970s classic.
36:41Oh, can you scratch my back?
36:44Can you scratch my back?
36:45Are your doors locked?
36:46No.
36:47Here it comes.
36:54This isn't going to be you.
36:55It's going to be all right.
36:56I'll be fine.
36:58The movie began with a murderous young Michael Myers
37:01on the rampage.
37:03I suggest we hold tight to our glasses of wine.
37:06That looks like our house.
37:10Looks like our house.
37:13What are you doing?
37:14Don't.
37:22Oh, you're going to have to have a big knife.
37:31We'll guess that this is a flat, Jonah.
37:33Together.
37:37That's a tit.
37:38That is a tit with some real bad cheesy...
37:41He's definitely been involved in some activity.
37:43Yes.
37:44Let's just say.
37:45Now he's looking through...
37:46Is she got any clothes on?
37:47Oh, he's got knickers on.
37:48Down to the knickers.
37:50Oh, you're going to get your beans.
37:53Look out for that knife.
38:04She died very sexy, didn't she?
38:06That was the worst murder scene I've ever seen.
38:09Sexy, you're going to be alright.
38:11When I die, it's not going to be sexy like that.
38:13There's going to be nothing sexy about my death.
38:15My boobs won't look that good.
38:17I don't think my boobs will ever look that good.
38:20I think we've committed too early to this whole hand thing.
38:27The film starred an up-and-coming actress in her debut role.
38:31You're not supposed to go up there.
38:33Yes, I am.
38:34Jamie Lee Curtis.
38:36Oh, she looks so young.
38:38Ridiculously skinny.
38:40I used to be that skinny.
38:44So did I when I was five.
38:46Fifteen years later, Michael Myers has escaped from a sanatorium
38:50and is on the hunt for his next victim.
38:54Don't you hate scary movies?
38:56No, I'm bloody battling myself here.
38:58Actually, we haven't subscribed.
39:00Look at him, he's just standing there mad.
39:02He's going to jump out and scare the shit out of someone.
39:05Someone wake me up when it's finished.
39:08Mum, move the pillow.
39:10I think everybody likes to be frightened to some degree.
39:14As long as you've got a pair of pants that will hold it all.
39:17Who cares about the rest of it?
39:19What's behind your irrational fear?
39:22I don't fucking know, man.
39:24You do jump a lot, though.
39:26Why do you jump out of the dark to bloody get me then?
39:30It's not funny. I'm on your side, Dylan.
39:33Michael's psychiatrist was hot on the trail.
39:37He could have seen us through his window.
39:40Standing on the lawn, he could have seen inside.
39:53Oh.
39:55Sorry, Kat. Oh, God.
39:57She's going to sit up and laugh?
39:59Where is he?
40:01Oh!
40:04Oh.
40:07Okay, so did Michael get that tombstone made just to fuck with...
40:14He's coming!
40:16No!
40:18Oh, my God!
40:20Oh, my God!
40:22Oh!
40:24Oh!
40:26Yee-haw!
40:30Oh, shit, that hurts.
40:32Double death.
40:34Run for your bloody life, girl.
40:36She's been stabbed in the back, fell down the stairs.
40:40Run! Run, sister!
40:43She's locked the door.
40:45Naturally, you'd lock the door.
40:47Out the bloody window.
40:52Ah, she really poked him in the eye that time.
40:55It's more of a laugh than a scare.
40:57Exactly.
40:59I'm scared.
41:01Are you scared?
41:07Stab him, stab him.
41:09Chop his head off.
41:11Stick him like a pig.
41:13Die!
41:20Why'd she leave the knife there?
41:22Now is the time to run, my friend.
41:24Or stab him more times.
41:27He's going to get up.
41:29So, you watch, you'll see a...
41:31A body...
41:38Oh!
41:40He's come to life again.
41:42He's up.
41:44Welcome back, Michael!
41:46Nobody stabs Michael in the face
41:48when the Koh-i-Noor gets away with it!
41:50SHE SOBS
41:52Oh, my God!
41:54Oh, my God!
42:01In the end, it was left to the psychiatrist
42:03to finish the killer off.
42:07She's had a rough night.
42:09SHE LAUGHS
42:11HE SIGHS
42:13You see how this would have been scary back in its time?
42:15It's still scary.
42:17Can you take me to the toilet?
42:19I was shitting my pants.
42:21SHE LAUGHS
42:23No, I can't see any wet marks there.
42:25SHE LAUGHS
42:27SHE SCREAMS
42:29SHE LAUGHS
42:31No, no!
42:33No.
42:35Come on, you dickheads.
42:37Sorry.
42:39Oh, where did she go?
42:41She moves like Michael!
42:43SHE SCREAMS
42:45SHE LAUGHS
42:48I thought you'd gone to the toilet!
42:51SHE LAUGHS
43:17CHIMES