deaddogsmoking
  • 5 months ago
First broadcast 21st February 2014.

Lee Mack

Simon Foster
Emily Grossman
David Wharton
John Sergeant

Sue Perkins
Bob Mortimer
Aston Merrygold

Ronald Cutler
Nick Neave
James Blackwell

Category

📺
TV
Transcript
00:00Hello and welcome to Duck Facts Don't Echo. This is a show where we put brilliant but
00:25slightly bizarre facts to the test. We've asked each of our guests to come armed with
00:29their own fact, which we will be testing out under strict scientific conditions to see
00:33whose is the best. So let's see who's on the show tonight. A fact about my first guest
00:37is fans have campaigned for her to be the first female Doctor Who, which could work
00:43as you don't have to reverse park the TARDIS. Please welcome Sue Perkins. And a fact about
00:50my next guest, and this is true, he impersonated Michael Jackson on Stars In The Rise. He didn't
00:56look anything like him, but in fairness, nor did Michael Jackson. Please welcome Ashton
00:59Marigolds. And the fact about my final guest is he says he originally wanted to be a professional
01:08footballer and play for Middlesbrough. I didn't realise you could do both. Please welcome
01:14Bob Waterman. So, this is a show all about extraordinary facts. For example, there is
01:22a part of your body that doesn't feel any pain because it has very few nerves. Are we
01:28any idea which part of the body I am talking about? It's got no nerves in it. It's got
01:33virtually no nerves. My grandmother's jowls, certainly not, because they went from here
01:37to here, to the middle of her tits, basically. You could hang off those as a child and she
01:41never felt any of it. It was like a sail on a sort of old sailing vessel. You'd grab it
01:47and it would go. I should explain to Ashton that before we had Playstations, we used to
01:50have to hang off our grandmother's jowls. Inside or outside the body? Now I thought
01:56you were drunk again. Are we inside or outside? It's outside your body. I think it's this
02:04part of your arm, your forearm. It must be something around that. In fact, it's your
02:08elbow and you can even put it in a clamp and you'll still feel no pain. I think you all
02:13know what's coming. Here we go. So Bob, either Sue does Bob's arm or Bob does Sue's arm.
02:21This show has taken on a whole new slant. The elbow wing is going in there. You pull
02:26it down. I'm not even going to wait for you to tell me because I'm so confident this will
02:29never hurt. I'm actually running out of... Oh, that's a circus act right there. Is it
02:36on? You're really squeezing it, aren't you? I can't go any more. I can literally not go
02:40any more. Are you feeling anything? You're joking, Sue, but surprisingly you can do this
02:46with your testicles. Oh my God, Aston's got stigmata. So okay, let's go on with the show.
02:56Now we've asked each of our guests to come with a fact they love, but which one will
02:59be the best? It's time for round one. Fact off. Sue, you're up first. What is your fact?
03:11Double dipping is my fact. Now, not in a Mervyn King kind of bank bouncing way, but in a tortilla
03:18chick way. So a double dip is... Oh, right, dip. I was going to say, I didn't... Yeah,
03:23sorry. Go on. Is it some sort of young sex term? Is it? What? You heard. Yeah. It is,
03:31isn't it? Come on. Yeah, what is it? Come on, young man. Show us on the dolly where
03:34he touched you. I'm just interested to see this double dip. It's fine. You carry on.
03:41So you dip, you eat, okay? And biting there, 100,000 bacteria from my mouth have just gone
03:50on the edge. And I go, in go the 100,000 bacteria. They're sort of in there now. Oh, again, a
03:58bit more in there. Put about a million in there now. It's a treble dip. Do you want
04:01some? No. Yes, you do. All right then. So you have some, and then about 100 of my bacteria
04:08go into your mouth, and then you stop double dipping until the end, basically, you're
04:12left with a sort of liquid that's like as hygienic as a petting zoo or John McCrory's
04:16armpit. Come on, have some. I'll have some. I don't mind spreading it. You know, after
04:21what we've done before the show, this is nothing. You're genuinely not having a dip. I've noticed
04:26this. You're reluctant, aren't you? I'm just a bit like, hold on. Look at the bright side.
04:30What is the bright side of that? You now know how unhygienic this is. You're safe in the
04:34knowledge. If you ever see someone double dipping, you could stick your knob in the
04:37hummus and knowing that it's more hygienic. You're making certain presumptions about Aston's
04:42penis there, aren't you? What? That I like to put it in hummus. No, that it's clean enough
04:46to put in hummus. Look at him. Aston looks like the cleanest man that's ever lived. I
04:53would say that he could put anything in hummus and everyone would be safe. I'm not casting
04:57aspersions to, but I'd rather have hummus after he's had his willy in it than you've
05:00double dipped. I reckon if you dip your knob in that, there'd be very, very little bacterial
05:05transference. I reckon it's probably the cleanest thing. Don't fall for it. I fell
05:09for this before the show. Okay, that's enough speculating. As ever, we put the fact to the
05:15test. So let's see what happened when we spread bacteria like wildfire with some double dipping.
05:19Chips, chips. Mmm, tortilla chips and dips. Most of us will have enjoyed this gastronomic
05:37power couple at a party or while watching a film with friends. But does dipping the
05:42same tortilla chip in a dip twice really mean you're spreading bacteria from mouth to mouth?
05:48Cue our expert. If you take a piece of food and you put it into a dip and you take it back out
05:55again, you chew on it and you put it back in the dip again, what you're doing is you're transferring
06:00the bacteria from your mouth into the dip. If you're unfortunate enough to be carrying an
06:05infectious disease, then what you're going to do is easily spread the disease to other people
06:10simply because they're putting their food into the dip that you've just contaminated.
06:15Yeah, that sounds disgusting. Let's put this to the test. We needed 10 plucky volunteers,
06:25some dips and lots and lots of tortilla chips. We first checked the oral hygiene levels of our
06:36volunteers, made them rinse their mouths before taking part and even trained them in the perfect
06:44biting and dipping action. So it's time to bring out the tortilla chips and the dips. This is one
06:58of Britain's most popular dips, hummus. It's time to dip. Our volunteers took one dip in the first
07:07dish and then ate the entire tortilla chip single dipping. And then with the second serving,
07:16they took a first dip, bit and then went back for seconds, thus double dipping. Our scientists
07:27then prepared both samples to be taken to a laboratory for testing. The single dipping
07:33sample had a bacteria level of 480 bacterial colonies per gram. But incredibly, and rather
07:40disgustingly, the double dipping sample had a level of 23,500 colonies per gram, nearly 50
07:48times more than the first sample. But that's not quite the end of this experiment, is it doctor?
07:54The consistency of the dip will affect the spread of the bacteria throughout the dip. If it's a runny
08:01dip, you're obviously going to spread it further because you're going to mix it and it will stir
08:05the bacteria throughout the dip. Here comes test two. We put 10 of the most famous dips from around
08:15the world in order of consistency. From the runniest dips, like tzatziki and salsa, to the
08:22thickest, like baba ghanoush and our old friend hummus. Chips ready? It's time to dip. Our 10
08:33volunteers then double dipped in all 10 dips. But would the runniest dips really hold the most
08:39bacteria? Not everyone loved every dip, but perhaps that was other people's saliva they
08:47were tasting. It was absolutely disgusting. Again, the dips went off to the lab. But would
08:55our top 10 worst offenders start with the thicker dips and end with the runniest? So, who made the
09:04top five? At five, it's garlic and onion. Then at four, taramasalata. And guacamole at three,
09:12with a punchy bacteria level of over 10,000 colonies per gram. Incredibly, our top two
09:20bacteria facilitating dips were also our two runniest dips. With salsa at number two,
09:27holding 49,000 bacterial colonies per gram, and our number one worst offender with over 300,000
09:35colonies per gram, the Greek favorite, tzatziki. And hopefully this won't affect tzatziki sales
09:42too much, otherwise Greece really will be stuck in a double dip recession. So, Ashton, are you even
09:55more disgusted than your looks before the VT? I really am, like to the point of, you can imagine,
10:01being on a tour bus with us four, then you've got eight dancers as well. You're a poor booger,
10:09it sounds like hell. Well, with all the double dipping going on then, yeah. Are you a tour bus
10:14of lots of dips though? Do you like a dip? You know what I mean. Are you all dipping on the
10:19tour bus? I mean, you mentioned the dancers, not me. Is it a double decker bus? Is it? It is, wow.
10:28Double decker dipping. So, Bob and Ashton, you need to score Sue's facts out of ten. So,
10:34based on what you've seen, what are you giving it, Bob? Well, I'm gonna give you eight points
10:38out of ten. You know, like, I think everyone's learnt a bit there. There's so much more to this
10:43as well. It's such a lesson learned, because in the kitchen, you know, when you're having your
10:47butter, when you're sharing butter or... What, with your finger? You share butter with your finger?
10:54Are you treating butter like some sort of treat? Are you a family of mice? Yeah, you take the butter,
10:59and you say, have you got any more? And you put it on your bread. What, with your finger? Well,
11:04what else would you use? A knife! I think so, you use a knife for your meat. Are you in the zoo?
11:10Yeah, but you're just proving the point that that's the natural way. This is like watching
11:20the three stages of showbiz. New, losing it, gone. Aston? I'm gonna go one higher, I think,
11:30give you a nine, only because it's a bit like, I'm still that disgusted that I can't give a ten.
11:36I'll tell you what, I'm gonna give Sue an eight. Thank you. So, let's see what your total is,
11:42Sue. 25 points, healthy start. So, we've heard Sue's favourite fat, but after the break,
11:51it's Aston's turn to try and impress us with his. Don't go away. Don't get me wrong,
12:00I once spread Philadelphia with my penis. Oh, sorry. Welcome back to Dick Blackstone Echo,
12:05the show that puts extraordinary fats to the test. Still with me are Bob Mortimer,
12:09Aston Merigold and Sue Perkins. Before the break, Sue won 25 points for her fact about
12:19the perils of double dipping. Aston, you're next. What fact have you gone for? My fact is,
12:24there are certain dance moves that women find more attractive. I think I know which one it is,
12:30Aston. Touch me. That's the one. That is the one. That always works with the ladies, that one.
12:44Always. The simple snakes. Is that the snake, that one? It's just the wave. Hey, what do you mean?
12:51Just. That took me three years to say. What's this one? Is that the snake? That's when you
12:56do the wave but you live on your own. I believe that's called dream hands. Is it? I've seen an
13:09instructor say, here goes one, and two, and dream hands. Never in my life has anyone said to me,
13:16come and do dream hands. But if it said to you a steady wave, you'd go for that? No. So do you
13:22know, when you say there are certain dances, do you know what these certain dances are? Well,
13:26some people are very much dance based waist and above. You ever see people when they just kind
13:32of stand still and they'll be like, and it's all here. And is that good or bad? That's attractive
13:41to some women. What about you? But I don't think I want women to just find me attractive for my
13:45dancing. I want them to find me attractive for my money. You're not an idiot. You want it as part
13:52of your toolkit. You want a nice van, the ability to dance, decent skin, do you know what I mean?
13:58And a nice full pantry. That's what most girls want. Can you dance, Lee? Can I dance? Yeah. Nope.
14:05I can't dance. I can do, you know, I've been known to moonwalk. Can you moonwalk? Can I stand on this?
14:12Yes. Here we go. Which way? You can. I've been known to do a few moves.
14:41Somebody must find that attractive. Dad dancing. Don't you ever patronize me again.
14:48So that's what we think, but we need to test it out. So this calls for a scientific dance-off.
14:55But before we do, let's see the science behind it. According to science, there are specific
15:00dance moves that women find more attractive. So apparently, if you follow the scientist's
15:06formula, you're guaranteed to attract the ladies. We've conducted extensive research
15:11into men's dancing and what dance moves women find more attractive. Our research has enabled
15:17us to look at any man dancing and to tell what women will find attractive or not. So
15:23what are these moves? What we found typically is that women are focusing on the upper body.
15:28It's the movements of the head, the shoulders, the arms especially. And it's the kinds of
15:34movements, but it's also the speed of the movements and the variability of the movements.
15:39So that's what the expert says. All we need now are some guinea pigs. Meet Ethan, Chica, Terry,
15:48Robin and Sparky. They're going to be turned from this into this. By creating three-dimensional
15:56graphic avatars of our men, the women judging them can't be influenced by anything other than
16:02their dance moves. And stop. These reflective markers record the movement each man makes
16:09when they dance. And this information is then used to create their avatar. Oh, we have to
16:15stop the film there because we don't want to give our men's moves away. So it's back
16:21to the studio to start the experiment. So that was the science and we've just seen them
16:28in the clip. So let's meet our dancers. Okay, we've got Chica, Terry, Ethan, Sparky and Robin.
16:35Now, one of these men has been scientifically classed as having the dance moves that are the
16:39most attractive. Now we just need some women to judge them. Please welcome Zoo Fever cheerleaders.
16:52So ladies, this is how it's going to work. We're going to show you all five of our men dancing,
16:56but in their avatar form. We've also removed the music they're dancing to,
17:00so you're judging purely on their moves. And all you have to do is write down the one you find the
17:04most attractive and we'll find out at the end if the person that the majority of you have picked
17:08matches what the science says. So let's see some dancing. Here's our first guy.
17:15Oh, he's got a move. He's got a move. It's a bit salsa-ish, right? Yeah, if that's a salsa,
17:21you don't want to double dip in that. What do we think? First of all, a salsa. A bit rigid.
17:27A bit rigid? A bit rigid. That's quite, uh, that can sometimes be a compliment.
17:34Okay, let's see. Number two.
17:38Oh, hello. See? That's what I saw earlier on. Dad dancing. Is that dad dancing?
17:45Oh, he got, he did a bit of head though. But you, that's what you were saying. It's all from
17:48the waist up, isn't it? There's a lot of waist up. It's very, exactly. Obviously, someone is very
17:52like this, but they're giving you... You see, I'm at the age where I'm looking at that going,
17:56I like that. So, uh, Jessica, what did you think? Do you know what? You've got to give him credit
18:00for going for it. Yeah. Like, he's having fun. You can't argue with that. In case you're wondering,
18:04whoever it is, she's patronizing it. It's time for our third guy.
18:12Oh, a bit of air guitar. There's a bit of air guitar there. Oh, then he's giving some jerk
18:16in there as well. Okay. What's that? He's going for a high five and there's no one there.
18:21There's, there's, there's some original moves in there. I'm just saying. Yeah. Okay, Freyana,
18:26what did we think? Um, I think he was quite groovy. Quite, um, yeah, quite strong. I quite
18:31like a man who plays a guitar. So, yeah, but you do know there was no guitar. I know, I know.
18:35You like a man who plays a guitar. Do you like a man who can't afford one?
18:40Okay, let's see the next one.
18:41Oh, hello. This is very much, you know, when someone puts their head down, they're very much
18:45like, just vigilant there and they're just giving you whatever that may be over here. And yeah,
18:50it's very... Is that a good thing? No. What do you think, Ellen? Um, this move, like, I really don't
18:57like it. I see it in clubs all the time. Like, guys my age are like doing this and I'm like...
19:02What's wrong with that? Peter Crouch does it. Okay, let's have a look at number five.
19:07Oh, hello. Now, look at that. He did a little spin, didn't he? A little ballet spin at the end.
19:12What do we think, Rosie? I don't know. I like this. He's got some confidence. He's using his
19:17whole body. Yeah. He looks like the kind of guy who knows what he's doing. Got a bit of talent.
19:20I think that's attractive. Oh, hello. Finally, we found one. So, you've seen all our men down there.
19:26Yeah, I've seen all of them. I've seen all of them. I've seen all of them. I've seen all of them.
19:30I think that's attractive. Oh, hello. Finally, we found one.
19:34So, you've seen all our men dancing. So, ladies, it's time for you to write down which avatar had
19:39the moves that you found the most attractive. Now, before we reveal who our ladies have picked,
19:44let's see who should come out as the most attractive according to the scientists.
19:49Okay, so because this guy shows lots of variability and size of upper body movements,
19:55we predict that the women will think that this guy is the most attractive dancer
19:59and that is Sparky. So, it's Sparky. And just so you know, that was Sparky,
20:03was avatar number five. Look at Sparky again, just to remind ourselves.
20:08I'm not going to lie. There's certain parts that I think he's going to start doing some breakdancing.
20:13I like that. I like that.
20:18What I like about that is you're clearly a man who isn't afraid to not act his age and I like that.
20:24So, it was genuinely a compliment. Honestly, you just...
20:27It should be a 53.
20:29You're not 53.
20:29Go on.
20:30Good God, and you've still got a ponytail. What's the matter with you?
20:35Sort it out.
20:38Right, it's time to see if our ladies went for Sparky as the science predicted. So,
20:42don't forget, we're hoping for lots of number fives. So, let's have a look. Ladies,
20:46all at once, please turn your cards round.
20:49That is almost a clean sweep. We've got one, two, three, four, five, six, eight out of ten.
20:54So, there you have it. Eight of our girls went for Sparky.
20:57There clearly are certain dance moves that women find more attractive.
21:01And just to prove it really was you, Sparky, give us a few moves.
21:04I'm sexy and I love it.
21:11And thanks to all our dancers and the Zoo Fever cheerleaders.
21:24So, it's time to give your marks out of ten. Bob?
21:30I'd like to give Aston nine points, please.
21:32That's a very generous nine. Thank you, Bob.
21:35I'd also like to give Aston nine. I would have given him the full ten
21:38had he shown a little bit more of his own perfect manoeuvrability.
21:42You would have liked to have seen the Aston backflip, wouldn't you?
21:44I'd like to have just seen him bust something out, not saying what.
21:48Do you know what? You got eight out of ten, so I'm going to give you eight out of ten.
21:51Can't say fairer than that.
21:52So, let's add that up and see where you are on the leaderboard.
21:56Oh, Aston Merigold, 26 points.
22:00So, last but not least, Bob, it's your turn. Tell us your facts.
22:03Well, this has always fascinated me since the first day I heard it.
22:06Oh.
22:06Laughing 100 times uses up the equivalent calories
22:11of being on an exercise bike at full pelt mind for 10 minutes.
22:15That's a lot of laughing, though.
22:16Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
22:18Oh, no, I don't think you can count the ha.
22:21That's one.
22:21Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
22:22That's one.
22:23No, that's six.
22:24Oh, you can't count every ha, surely?
22:26Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
22:26Oh, well, then I'm done for. I'm doomed.
22:29To be more accurate with it, every time you exhale during a laugh...
22:35That counts as a laugh.
22:36Yeah.
22:36So, if you go ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, that's one.
22:39That's fine.
22:39And if you go ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
22:44I don't know, my wife's laughing when I'm doing it.
22:46Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
22:49Through the tears.
22:50Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
22:52Oh, wow.
22:53Like, for example, Santa, he's not a big laugher, he's just ho, ho, ho.
22:59Right.
22:59Right, look at the size of it.
23:01They're individual ones, because each one's a breath of ho, ho, ho.
23:04Because he's not doing it in a proper cardiovascular way.
23:06Exactly.
23:06He was doing it more hearty.
23:08Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
23:09Like Brian Blessed.
23:10Yeah, ha, ho, he must be fit.
23:13So, you're actually, I would say you're probably better off stood next to the exercise bike,
23:17laughing at the person on the exercise bike.
23:20Yeah, yeah, yeah.
23:21Okay, well, you've heard what this lot think, but join us after the break,
23:24when we'll see what happens when laughing and cycling go head to head.
23:33Welcome back to Duck Facts don't echo,
23:35the show that puts extraordinary facts to the test.
23:38Now, before the break, Bob told us laughing 100 times
23:40is the equivalent to 10 minutes on an exercise bike.
23:43So, let's see the experiment.
23:47So, let's see the experiment.
23:52Whether it's body pump, body combat or body balance,
23:58no gimmick can make burning calories fun.
24:02But what if simple laughing could be the sweat-free equivalent to going to the gym?
24:07Let's ask an expert.
24:08Laughter can increase heart rates and ventilation
24:13and use respiratory muscles and other muscles around the body
24:17such that the calorific expenditure of laughter
24:19can be approximately 50 calories for about 100 laughs.
24:23And it has been proposed that these 100 laughs
24:26would be the equivalent of rowing or cycling for about 10 minutes.
24:30This sounds too good to be true.
24:33But before you cancel that direct debit to the gym,
24:36let's put this theory to the test.
24:41For this test, we needed three volunteers
24:43and special gas masks to record their breathing.
24:47Using the latest respiratory monitoring equipment,
24:51we were able to calculate their energy expenditure
24:54and therefore how many calories were burnt.
24:58We took our three volunteers to this lab
25:00to find out how many calories they would burn
25:03during 10 minutes on an exercise bike.
25:07With this data, we can compare how many calories were burnt
25:10during 10 minutes on an exercise bike and then 100 laughs.
25:15So, after 10 minutes of hard cycling,
25:18our volunteers were able to burn an average of 49 calories.
25:23In order to make sure the two tests were equal,
25:26we gave our volunteers some downtime.
25:29Then we came up with several ways to get them laughing
25:33and we were able to calculate how many calories were burnt.
25:38We started off with tickling
25:39by strapping each volunteer into a chair.
25:43The test was particularly effective on this volunteer.
25:52Then we needed another laughing technique.
25:55We showed them a series of funny clips to get them laughing.
25:58But getting 100 laughs is a big task.
26:01Fortunately, we discovered fake laughing
26:04does the same calorific job as natural laughing.
26:07We would anticipate that fake laughter
26:10would also be a legitimate test of our hypothesis
26:13because we'd expect that the heart rate,
26:16the ventilatory demands, the cardiovascular demands
26:18and the activation of the muscles of the face and the stomach
26:22all to be engaged in the same way that they would
26:24during spontaneous laughter.
26:27So, now we were ready to complete the experiment
26:30with some fake laughing.
26:31We showed them a series of funny clips
26:34to complete the experiment with some fake laughing.
26:37We found our very own laughter expert.
26:42After doing some warm-up exercises,
26:45they were ready to fake laugh.
26:48What you're looking to do is to allow the fake laugh
26:51to turn into the real thing.
26:53LAUGHTER
27:03So, after 100 laughs, it was time to get the results.
27:09Using the best data across the three tests,
27:11we calculated for 10 minutes of exercise,
27:14our volunteers burnt, on average, 49 calories.
27:19And for 100 laughs, they burnt, on average, 151 calories.
27:24That's over 100 calories more
27:26than what they lost on the exercise bike.
27:29The results are staggering and prove that more calories
27:32were indeed lost through laughing than on a cycle machine.
27:36APPLAUSE
27:40There you go.
27:42What do we think?
27:45That...
27:47Firstly, their exercise, they weren't exercising,
27:49they were just literally strolling.
27:51I think we have a dubious person here.
27:53No, that was a bit of a liberty.
27:55LAUGHTER
27:57My grandad used to swear, he used to do, like,
27:59two hours of, like, manic laughing every morning
28:01when he used to wake up.
28:02But in them days, they had a name for it, it was called shell shock.
28:05LAUGHTER
28:07OK, now, we've tested Bob's facts.
28:09Aston and Sue, what marks are you giving it out of 10?
28:12Firstly, Sue.
28:13I'm going to give Bob 10 out of 10.
28:15A full 10? Yeah, because, quite frankly,
28:17this is going to revolutionise my exercise regime.
28:20LAUGHTER
28:22I'm going to say a 7.
28:24I don't know what to give, because, like, the audience tonight
28:26have been really good laughers, and I'm looking around,
28:28and they look an absolute bloody mess.
28:30LAUGHTER
28:32I think I'm going to give it an 8.
28:34Let's see what that puts you on the leaderboard, Bob.
28:36Bob, you're enjoying second place.
28:38It's running fast. It's tight.
28:40The tight one's the night.
28:42It's the tight one tonight!
28:44It should go anyway.
28:46So, Aston is sitting at the top of the leaderboard with 26 points,
28:48but everything could change in our next round.
28:50It's time for Fact Finder.
28:52APPLAUSE
28:54Yes, it's not just my guests who brought in facts.
28:56APPLAUSE
28:58We've also asked our studio audience to ring in theirs, too.
29:00Bob, Aston and Sue have sifted through them
29:02and picked out the one they love the most
29:04in the hope that it will win them the most points.
29:06Sue, you're first. Who have you picked?
29:08I've picked lovely...
29:11I'm hoping now she's lovely. Kim Rose.
29:13Kim Rose, with a name like that...
29:15It's a man!
29:17It's a man or a really ugly woman.
29:19I can't let go.
29:21Sorry, darling, I've picked the deeply masculine Kim Rose.
29:23Do people often think you're a woman and get confused?
29:25I get a lot of funny mail, yes.
29:27Funny mail?
29:29I think with a name like Kim Rose, you're the funny mail.
29:31LAUGHTER
29:33Tell me, Kim, what's your fact?
29:35My fact is that a lost wallet
29:37will most likely be returned to you
29:40if it has a photo of a baby inside.
29:42Have you got evidence of this?
29:44Yes.
29:46Did you put your own baby in the wallet?
29:48Yes, I did.
29:50And it got lost?
29:52Well, the wallet did.
29:54Not the baby, obviously.
29:56You genuinely lost a wallet with a picture of your baby?
29:58I lost my wallet in 1995, when my daughter was about eight months.
30:00And when did you get it back?
30:02Three weeks ago.
30:04When my daughter turned up
30:06as an 18-year-old girl
30:08and said, I've spent all the money, can you do me washing?
30:10LAUGHTER
30:12I got it back within a couple of days.
30:14Member of the public walked into the police station.
30:16The desk sergeant asked,
30:18why have you been so honest?
30:20Did he say it like that?
30:22Why have you been so honest?
30:24Are you an idiot?
30:26You could have had that.
30:28Don't worry, I'll have it.
30:30I lost my wallet.
30:32It had a picture of my baby in it,
30:34but the baby was smoking, so I don't know whether that...
30:37And it wasn't returned?
30:39It wasn't ever returned, never saw it again.
30:41So that's what we think of Sue's chosen audience fact.
30:43Now, we can't test it,
30:45because we've only just heard it tonight,
30:47so we've got a panel of boffins to do the hard work for us.
30:49So please welcome rocket scientist Dr Simon Foster,
30:51expert in cell biology and genetics Dr Emily Grossman,
30:53and chemical engineer David Walton.
30:55It's our Verifiers!
30:57APPLAUSE
30:59So tell me, Verifiers, is there any truth in this?
31:01Amazingly, it is actually true.
31:03Scientists placed wallets
31:05on the streets in Edinburgh,
31:07and they found that only 15% of them got returned.
31:09But if they put a baby photo in the wallet,
31:11a whopping 88% of wallets got returned.
31:13So the baby photo was triggering the finder
31:15to have a more caring response.
31:17And that actually makes sense,
31:19because evolutionarily,
31:21our brains are hardwired
31:23to make us have warm and caring feelings
31:25when we see small children,
31:27so that we protect them and look after them.
31:29And that's because there's a hormone
31:31called oxytocin that's released in the brain,
31:34and it makes us feel all soft and fluffy
31:36when we see cute things.
31:38And interestingly, if they put a picture
31:40of a cute puppy in the wallet,
31:42more of them came back as well,
31:44but not as much as the baby.
31:46So if you have a toddler holding a Labrador,
31:48does it create a sort of critical oxytocin sort of mass?
31:50People just start...
31:52Sort of tear ducts explode.
31:54I wonder what would come bottom of the list.
31:56Maybe a photograph of a hammer?
31:58Of a hammer?
32:00Or MC Hammer?
32:03People would think,
32:05I can't touch that.
32:07LAUGHTER
32:09APPLAUSE
32:11So, OK, well, it sounds like that's true.
32:13And of course, Dr Emily knows what she's talking about,
32:15because Dr Emily Grossman, let me tell you,
32:17is an expert on the human gen...
32:19Genome? Is it genome?
32:21Genome.
32:23The garden genome.
32:25No, Dr Emily is an expert on the human genome,
32:27DNA and cell division,
32:29which coincidentally, I am also an expert
32:31Really? Sorry, no, I mean, sausages.
32:33LAUGHTER
32:35So, we'll score it at the end,
32:37once we've heard everyone's facts.
32:39OK, who's next? It's Aston. What have you gone for?
32:41I've gone for Mr Chris Knott.
32:43Chris Knott?
32:45Hello.
32:47What's your fact?
32:49People with blue eyes have a higher alcohol tolerance.
32:51People with blue eyes have a higher alcohol tolerance?
32:53Yes.
32:55I know people with red eyes have less alcohol tolerance.
32:57And how do you know this?
33:00It's not really a solid grounding, but I heard it in a bar,
33:02so we tested it.
33:04LAUGHTER
33:06So, people with blue eyes have a higher tolerance to alcohol?
33:08I've sort of got a hazily eye,
33:10a blue sort of green, I've been told.
33:12You've got blue eyes?
33:14I've seen you've got blue eyes.
33:16I know I've got a very high tolerance to crack.
33:18LAUGHTER
33:20You've got brown eyes.
33:22Have you got low tolerance to alcohol?
33:24I'm lucky, touch wood, I don't get hangovers.
33:26Right.
33:29I mean, I've woken up from hangovers
33:31and I've had a shit on the windowsill.
33:33LAUGHTER
33:35And I've got brown eyes.
33:37It was you.
33:39My mum had blue eyes and she never did that.
33:41Your mum never did crap on the windowsill?
33:43No.
33:45I'll tell you what she did when she came round mine.
33:47LAUGHTER
33:49I've lost track of the original fact that Chris said.
33:51So, OK, verifiers, what do we think?
33:53Amazingly, this is true.
33:55In America, a study was done with 10,000 prison inmates
33:57into the effects of alcohol on them
33:59and they found that people with brown eyes
34:01felt the effect of alcohol
34:03at far lower levels than people with blue eyes.
34:05So they do have a higher tolerance of alcohol.
34:07But it is a downside
34:09because to feel the same effect
34:11as a brown-eyed person,
34:13the blue-eyed person needs to drink more.
34:15This means it's going to have a really long-term effect
34:17on their body
34:19and it's also going to have a long-term effect on their wallet.
34:21So it's not all good.
34:23Does it apply to things like feeling full and stuff?
34:26You have to eat a lot more trifle to feel full.
34:28No, I don't think it goes that far.
34:30I'm genuinely impressed with that fact.
34:32Finally, Bob, whose fact have you picked out?
34:34Matt Taylor.
34:36Matt Taylor, where are you?
34:38I'm over here.
34:40OK, tell us your fact.
34:42My fact is, the shorter your index finger,
34:44the more masculine you are.
34:46Hang on, hang on. How do you define masculinity?
34:48I didn't really find it.
34:50Define, not find.
34:52LAUGHTER
34:55That's the kind of thing a drunk bloke would say
34:57when he's going for a week and the light's not working.
34:59How do I define your masculinity?
35:01LAUGHTER
35:03How do you define masculinity?
35:05Masculinity of being manly
35:07and, I suppose, rough around the edges
35:09and a bit butch, I suppose.
35:11You're saying that camp men will have
35:13hugely long index fingers.
35:15Like E.T.
35:17E.T., now he was a camp little alien.
35:19LAUGHTER
35:21He was, wasn't he?
35:23Oh, that big finger he's got.
35:25Oh, look at the dust on that.
35:27LAUGHTER
35:29Let's look at yours. Yours is a bit of control.
35:31I've got long fingers.
35:33All of mine are quite long.
35:35But Aston's got long fingers, I can tell as well.
35:37I have short stubby fingers,
35:39but I can run fast, I can dance, I can use an axe.
35:41LAUGHTER
35:43So, OK.
35:45Well, this is an interesting one.
35:47Let's see what our verifiers think.
35:49Well, yes, it is actually related,
35:52but the ratio of the fingers,
35:54what the University of Liverpool found
35:56was that the ratio of your index finger
35:58to your ring finger
36:00in most men was about
36:02the same size.
36:04They think it's to do with the fact
36:06that at about nine weeks old in the womb,
36:08at the same time as the
36:10constraints of your body are being laid down,
36:12so is an influx of oestrogen
36:14and testosterone,
36:16the two sex-determining hormones,
36:18and that that actually does
36:21influence both your masculinity
36:23and the ratio of the fingers of your hands.
36:25I bet your bedtime stories to your kids
36:27goes on a bit, doesn't it?
36:29LAUGHTER
36:31That is interesting, isn't it?
36:33Because I know what you mean now.
36:35So what you're saying is your ring finger
36:37and your index finger, like for me,
36:39it's pretty much level.
36:41Maybe that's why...
36:43Because maybe Dr Spock used to do that
36:45because he didn't want people to see
36:47in proportion to that.
36:49After the break,
36:51we'll find out who picked the best one
36:53and who will be tonight's winner
36:55and get the privilege of helping me
36:57prove my very own fact.
36:59Don't go away.
37:01APPLAUSE
37:03Welcome back.
37:05Before the break,
37:07each of our guests chose
37:09their favourite fact from the audience.
37:11Our verifiers have given us their verdict,
37:13but how many points have they awarded each fact?
37:15Let's find out.
37:18LAUGHTER
37:20A lost wallet's more likely to be returned
37:22if you put a photo of a baby in it.
37:24Verifiers, how many points are we going to give that?
37:26This was absolutely true.
37:28People feel more warm and caring
37:30and so more likely to be honest
37:32and return the wallet because they care about the person.
37:34So we're going to give it ten points.
37:36APPLAUSE
37:38I wasn't expecting that.
37:40Ashton, remind us of your fact.
37:42Mr Chris Knott gave us this fact
37:44and it was people with blue eyes
37:46have a higher alcohol tolerance.
37:48So, verifiers, how many points are we going to give that?
37:50Well, amazingly, this is true,
37:52but it can lead to some unfortunate consequences
37:54so we're going to give it eight.
37:56APPLAUSE
37:58And finally, Bob, which fact did you go for?
38:00My fact came from Matt Taylor
38:02and the fact was the shorter your index finger,
38:04the more masculine you are.
38:06Verifiers, how many points for that one?
38:08Well, we thought about this one.
38:10We thought because the research never really
38:12defined what masculinity means
38:15and because they still haven't come up with a good theory
38:17as to why this is the case,
38:19we're only going to give it five, I'm afraid.
38:21APPLAUSE
38:23So let's put all that up onto the leaderboard
38:25and see the final scores.
38:27In third place is Bob Mortimer,
38:29Ashton Merigold in second.
38:31Tonight's winner with 35 points is Sue Perkins.
38:33APPLAUSE
38:35CHEERING
38:37APPLAUSE
38:39OK, well done, Sue.
38:41You've won tonight's show, but more importantly,
38:44you've won my fact, which is
38:46one of the safest places to be during lightning
38:48is in your car.
38:50Now, normally on this show, only our winner
38:52helps me out with my fact,
38:54but there's going to be plenty of room in the car
38:56so you're all coming with me.
38:58So let's test it out.
39:00It's time for Max Fact.
39:02APPLAUSE
39:04Now, as you can see, we don't have a car
39:06or anything resembling lightning
39:08that can shoot thousands of volts of electricity at us.
39:10And the reason is this experiment
39:12is so dangerous, genuinely,
39:14that we need to conduct it in a safe, confined area
39:16to ensure we don't accidentally kill anyone.
39:18Is this exciting or what?
39:20So, while we get changed
39:22and make our way over to the experiment area,
39:24let's find out from David Wharton
39:26about why your car is so safe when lightning strikes.
39:28Let's go.
39:30There are two principles we need to keep in mind here.
39:32One is that a car is made of metal
39:34and metal atoms very quickly
39:36and easily lose their outer electrons
39:38which are negatively charged.
39:41And the other principle
39:43is that like charges will always repel each other
39:45and unlike charges will react.
39:47Now, consider a car,
39:49not as a car, but as a cage,
39:51we call it a Faraday cage,
39:53with the people inside it.
39:55It gets hit by a lightning bolt
39:57that's a huge negative charge.
39:59All the electrons immediately get pushed off atoms
40:01and go to the other side of the car
40:03leaving positive charge
40:05under the lightning bolt.
40:07This balance of charge cancels out
40:10and because the charge goes on the outside of the car
40:12the inside
40:14is perfectly neutral and sound.
40:16I personally
40:18would rather be inside that car
40:20with Lemac than outside it.
40:22So, team,
40:24welcome to my secret garage.
40:26This is where I always bring the guests after the show
40:28to kill them.
40:30If you look above you, you will see
40:32there is an enormous piece of kit dangling
40:34and that is called a Tesla coil
40:36and that is what is going to shoot
40:38375,000 volts of electricity
40:40directly at this car
40:42which we will be sat in.
40:44So how do we feel, Bob?
40:46Wow, lightning is going to shoot from that
40:48It's going to shoot from this little point right at the end there
40:50and hit the top of that car.
40:52Well, I'll be honest with you, I can't wait.
40:54I'm glad you can't wait.
40:56No, that's a little bit, yeah.
40:58Yeah, no, it's a freaky thing, isn't it?
41:00I mean, anything could happen, but, you know.
41:02Well, yeah, I'm just getting...
41:04This is the prize to be electrocuted in a car.
41:07This is the prize.
41:09So let's get inside.
41:15So, yeah, now, in all seriousness,
41:17I'm not joking now, I've got to check this.
41:19You've had the check, haven't you, about whether you've got a pacemaker.
41:21This isn't a joke. You've been asked, haven't you?
41:23Yeah.
41:25And you know that you've been asked about the fillings, right?
41:27So, you can't have pacemakers, you can't have fillings in your mouth.
41:29Hearing aid?
41:31No, you can have a hearing aid, but just no fillings.
41:33Vibrating love eggs?
41:36Have you brought your eggs, though?
41:38Do you know what?
41:40The fillings is a joke, obviously.
41:42Metal teeth?
41:44Yeah, you're dead.
41:46I think if I was you, Bob, I'd be more worried about that metal plate in your head.
41:48No, I have got metal teeth.
41:50What do you mean you've got metal teeth?
41:52I was explaining to you earlier,
41:54I've got seven pegs of titanium
41:56in my upper jaw,
41:58and they stick these teeth to them.
42:00And you tell us this now,
42:02seconds before we're going to electrocute you in a car,
42:04with 375,000...
42:06Hey, just go for it, it's my fault, I accept that.
42:08I shouldn't have said.
42:10Right, here we go.
42:12So, I think all I can say is,
42:14let's zap us.
42:28That's a worry.
42:30The monitor's gone off.
42:33It's terrifying.
42:35It's like being in a horror film.
42:37Do you know this is how they get
42:39Bruce Forsyth to work in the morning?
42:43This sounds like every track on Radio 1 after midnight.
42:47I feel like this is the worst dogging session I've ever been to.
42:49How are you feeling?
42:51I think I've lost some of the voices in my head.
42:53The percentage of them.
42:55So there's the proof.
42:57One of the safest places to be during lightning
42:59is in a car.
43:01Fact-proof.
43:03That's all for tonight.
43:05A huge thanks to my guests, Bob Mortimer,
43:07Sue Perkins, and Astrid Merigold.
43:09We'll see you next time, goodnight.
43:11How do we get out?
43:13Go through the sunroof.
43:19I'm only joking, right.
43:21Okay, here we go.
43:25This is genuinely the first time they've let me hold a blowtorch
43:27since the incident.
43:31They didn't have us foxed, did they,
43:33apart from the tortilla chip one.
43:35Tomorrow night from 9, Laurel's finding it hard
43:37to buy Sebastian's stories.
43:39They catch up with Arrow,
43:41and telling fibs seems to be the thing to do.
43:43Although Nurse Jackie's attempting to go clean,
43:45the brand new season continues next night
43:47over on Sky Atlantic Plus One.