First broadcast 28th February 2014.
Lee Mack
Simon Foster
Emily Grossman
David Wharton
John Sergeant
Miranda Hart
Richard Ayoade
Stephen Graham
Nicky Clayton
Elena Hoicka
Lee Mack
Simon Foster
Emily Grossman
David Wharton
John Sergeant
Miranda Hart
Richard Ayoade
Stephen Graham
Nicky Clayton
Elena Hoicka
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00This is a show about unbelievable facts that you've almost certainly never heard before.
00:26Each of my guests bring their favourite facts to the table and we'll put them to the test.
00:30So, let's see who's on tonight's show.
00:31An interesting fact about my first guest is he's played a psychopath, a murderous mobster,
00:35a prostitute user, an avaricious, adrenaline-addicted mercenary, a football hooligan, and an alcoholic,
00:41which coincidentally is also my profile description on Match.com.
00:44Please welcome Stephen Graham!
00:47And an unusual fact about my next guest is he says that he will never do a sex scene
00:55in a TV show or movie.
00:57And neither will I, because no one will let me.
00:59Please welcome Richard Ayoade!
01:00And an unusual fact about my final guest is that she says that if she ever decides to
01:10leave comedy, she would like to pursue a career as a PE teacher, which is presumably because
01:15it's the only vocation with more crash mats.
01:17Please welcome Miranda Hart!
01:18So, let's get started.
01:19For our first round, each of the guests have brought in their favourite facts and we have
01:28to decide who's his best.
01:30It's time for Fact Off!
01:33So, Miranda Hart, you're up first.
01:38Let's hear your fact.
01:39Yes, Lee Mack.
01:40My fact is this.
01:42Pigeons can remember humans by face.
01:45Brilliant.
01:47Pigeons can remember humans by face.
01:50Yes.
01:51Have you any personal evidence of this?
01:53Well, I think I have.
01:55So, I had an encounter with a pigeon.
01:58Is this going to be all right to say on telly?
02:01Oh, why would it not be?
02:04No.
02:06When I was 18, a pigeon swooped towards me and I sort of ducked, thinking that the pigeon
02:16would fly over and I stood up and it was on my head.
02:20It had landed on my...
02:22Are you sure?
02:23I swear on my life.
02:24Have you been watching lots of Disney movies?
02:27And now I'm convinced, having learnt about this fact, that there is a pigeon that lives
02:32near me in London that will occasionally...
02:35They sit on a wall and I walk past...
02:40Sometimes it's the technical names you can never remember, isn't it?
02:44I walk past and there's this one pigeon that just sort of stares at me and then does a
02:49sort of swooping, like a teasing notion and I'm sure it remembers you're the one whose
02:53head I sat on.
02:55When did this first incident happen?
02:57I was 18, so this is five years ago.
03:01Are you sure this is the same pigeon looking at you and not just pigeons in general?
03:07You're questioning whether it's the same pigeon?
03:09I'm questioning whether you are able to recognise it as being the exact same, cos to me they...
03:13Well, she can't recognise the pigeon, but the pigeon can recognise it.
03:16Are you not listening?
03:17I'm just saying...
03:19Don't mess with him.
03:21Come on.
03:22I don't want this to flare up at this stage.
03:25I am almost dangerously potent.
03:30That is fighting talk.
03:32Look, you may be trying to mug me, but I am dastardly quick.
03:38But how do you know it's the same pigeon?
03:40I don't want to be racist, but pigeons do look quite similar to me.
03:44Do you think he recognises you as the person he swooped on or do you think he recognises
03:48you from the telly?
03:50Oh, yeah.
03:52But you see, also, if it was the pigeon who did that, wouldn't that pigeon be embarrassed
03:55and kind of go...
03:57No, I think the pigeon found it very funny.
04:00Right.
04:01Remembers that.
04:02And now, mockingly...
04:03But it's gone nice, because he swoops and teases.
04:06But they're clearly very clever if they remember a face.
04:09They're basically a flying dog.
04:11That's how I see it.
04:12In fact, they're cleverer than dogs.
04:14Richard Attenborough's job's safe, innit?
04:16Yeah.
04:17There's the flying dog.
04:19My dog sometimes really embarrasses me by starting to walk home with people that look
04:25a bit like me, usually always men, and I'll have to get her back and it's really embarrassing
04:31because I'll meet someone who's in the same jeans jumper as some six-foot guy.
04:35So, pigeons are cleverer than dogs.
04:38Steve, are you buying any of this?
04:40I'd say it was full of shit, really, but I really like the way you're telling it, so
04:45I'm having the flying dog.
04:46Thanks.
04:47You want it to be true, don't you?
04:48Yeah, I do.
04:49I want to start owning pigeons.
04:50Well, we've all said what we think, but we have to know for sure, so we've put it to
04:53the test.
05:00Pigeons.
05:01They all look the same to me.
05:03The question is, do we all look the same to them?
05:06Or can pigeons really recognise humans by our faces?
05:10Let's ask an expert.
05:14A series of experiments have been done to test whether pigeons can recognise people.
05:19Now, it was found that they can indeed differentiate between different human beings and they know
05:25that they need to recognise facial features rather than transient things like the colour
05:30of their clothing in order to tell people apart.
05:33Why are pigeons so good at this?
05:35Well, one possibility is that, of course, they've had a long time associating with humans,
05:40anything from domestication to living in cities.
05:44In order to try and prove this theory, we're going to need two people of similar height,
05:50build and skin colour, but with markedly different faces.
05:58Meet Dallas and Andrew, our pigeon detectives.
06:03Time for some science.
06:05Our boys have spent the last seven days camped out in London's Russell Square, introducing
06:10themselves to the local pigeon population.
06:13Andrew has spent the week ingratiating himself to the pigeons, feeding them, but Dallas has
06:17been doing quite the opposite.
06:33Our boys then left the pigeons alone for the weekend.
06:40Monday morning and they're back.
06:42Time to find out if the pigeons can remember who's who.
06:45They will both stand completely still, moving only to throw seed to attract the pigeons.
06:51If the theory is correct, then the pigeon should recognise Andrew as their friend and
06:56flock towards him, giving mean old Dallas a wide berth.
07:00The pigeons appear to walk around Dallas to visit their old friend, Andrew.
07:14That seemed pretty conclusive, but just to be doubly sure, we left it a couple of hours
07:20and tried one last time.
07:31This is incredible.
07:35Andrew literally has them eating out of his hand.
07:38An undeniable success.
07:40But I know what you're thinking.
07:41You're thinking, what if the pigeons didn't recognise their faces, but recognised their
07:46brightly coloured coats?
07:47Well, let's find out.
07:49We're going to repeat the test, but this time Dallas will wear the blue coat and Andrew
07:53will wear the red coat.
07:55If the pigeons really do recognise human faces, then they will still flock to Andrew, regardless
08:00of the colour of his coat.
08:02Let's see what happened.
08:12There you have it.
08:13It's true.
08:14Pigeons really do recognise humans by face.
08:17I know.
08:23I'm as surprised as you are.
08:30Now, we didn't score it.
08:31Richard and Stephen, based on what you've seen, on a scale from one to ten, how amazing
08:34is that fact, Richard?
08:36In terms of amazement?
08:39Yes.
08:40Let's go eight.
08:41Eight.
08:42That's a pretty solid start.
08:43Let's go eight.
08:44Yeah, I'll go eight.
08:45It was a good fact.
08:46Good fact.
08:47Did you believe it to begin with?
08:48I was...
08:49Yeah.
08:50Yeah, I was having it.
08:51You were having it straight away?
08:52Yeah.
08:53Yeah, because that fella from Coronation Street and I used to have his pigeons and he always
08:55used to go back to him.
08:56You know that's not a documentary, don't you?
08:58Yeah.
09:00I'm going to go nine.
09:01Nine.
09:02Nice.
09:03This is a heady start.
09:04I'm also going to give it a nine.
09:06I'm going to give it a nine.
09:07So let's add that all up and see what you've got, Miranda.
09:11You are storming it with 26 points, Miranda.
09:17So, we've heard from Miranda.
09:19After the break, Stephen Graham will try and outdo her with his own favourite fact.
09:27OK, welcome back to Top Cat's Stone Echo, the show all about incredible and unlikely
09:31facts.
09:32With me tonight are Miranda Hart, Richard Ayoade and Stephen Graham.
09:37Before the break, Miranda scored 26 points for their fact that pigeons can remember humans
09:42by face.
09:43OK, Stephen, what's your fact?
09:45My fact is, you can correctly guess the gender of a fellow human being simply by smelling
09:52their breath.
09:54Don't be ridiculous.
09:57Wow.
09:58With your eyes closed.
10:00Otherwise there's another course.
10:02Much easier system.
10:03It was just something I read the other day in a dentist.
10:06It was either read this oral weekly or whatever it was.
10:12Subscribe to that.
10:13Subscribe to that.
10:14It's good, isn't it?
10:15Yeah, it's great.
10:16Oral weekly.
10:17Weekly.
10:18Weekly.
10:19Annually.
10:20I mean, I'd be happy.
10:23Oh, mine's regular.
10:24Oh.
10:25I'm 44 with three kids.
10:26I've had to start doing it with furniture.
10:32And when did you realise you needed this method for people's...
10:35Were you on holiday in Thailand?
10:37I mean...
10:39You just wanted a bit of...
10:41No, cos what it actually said was that the male breath and scent of the male breath
10:46is much more musky.
10:48Shitty.
10:51Basically.
10:52Depends what you're licking, I suppose.
10:55Richard, have you ever noticed a breathy difference?
10:59I don't like being near men.
11:01I mean, I find them abhorrent.
11:04They definitely stink more, don't they?
11:06They're just terrible.
11:07I mean, no offence.
11:08You know you are one, so it's not offence, cos you're one of us.
11:11Yeah, I mean, it's awful.
11:13I hate living.
11:16It seems correct, yeah.
11:18I mean, I would say men smell pretty bad.
11:23I once smelled a taxi driver's bogey.
11:29It was in Greece.
11:30I was sitting in the front, in the passenger seat,
11:33and some girlfriend's behind, all on a jolly holiday,
11:36and he kept doing things that were horrible.
11:38Sit like this.
11:39Why?
11:40You're me.
11:41OK.
11:42Tits here.
11:43And he would go, oh, look at that lake over there.
11:46He was horrible in every way.
11:48Yeah.
11:49And then he just started excavating a very large bogey.
11:52As he removed it, his stench came out.
11:56I love your order of priorities.
11:58That anecdote is about a man who had smelly bogeys whilst he was molesting you.
12:03He didn't speak a word of English, but I just went, fuck off, my tits!
12:17So remembering that, I'm now thinking that maybe this is true,
12:20because I could smell that bogey.
12:22But we're not just saying that men have got, like, musky...
12:25We're actually saying you can actually tell...
12:27Tell the difference between a male and a female.
12:29You'd feel confident that you could be...
12:31I don't know what kind of people test these experiments out.
12:34I'll tell you exactly the kind of people.
12:36You.
12:37We're not just going to take Stephen's word for this,
12:39we need to do a clinical test.
12:40But before we do, let's see the science behind it.
12:43Scientists at Pennsylvania University have written a detailed paper on this.
12:47They found that distinctions between male and female breath
12:51are largely caused by the differences between male and female mouth cavities.
12:56For our experiment to be scientific,
12:58the breathers need to keep to certain conditions.
13:00So for our experiment, we need five men, five women,
13:05and for five days before the experiment,
13:08they've been banned from brushing their teeth,
13:11using chewing gum, mints or mouthwash,
13:14oral hygiene of any kind,
13:16no smoking or eating garlic, pizza or any heavily spiced food.
13:21On the day of the experiment,
13:23they're banned from drinking coffee or fruit juices,
13:26wearing aftershave, perfumes or anything with a strong scent,
13:30and no spray deodorant.
13:33Let's start the experiment.
13:37First of all, Stephen, we need some male and female volunteers
13:40so you can smell their breath.
13:43So bring out the breathers.
13:45Finally, I've got a catchphrase.
13:48Bring out the breathers.
13:53Before we start the experiment,
13:55you need to put on this blindfold for obvious reasons,
13:58because we don't want you to see them.
14:00So would you like to put that on yourself,
14:02or shall I pretend I'm at a sadomasochistic party and do it gently?
14:05You're looking too hard for me.
14:07Go on, do it then.
14:11Go ahead.
14:13So, just so you can't cheat,
14:15the breathers, mix yourselves up so Stephen doesn't know where you are.
14:18You keep hold of me.
14:19So let's start the experiment.
14:21Volunteer one, I'll guide you over here.
14:23I'll put you in position.
14:25Now, please breathe... You might want to put your hands down.
14:28Sorry.
14:30Volunteer one, please breathe into Stephen's face.
14:33So if you can just put your head there.
14:35There you go.
14:38Oh, go on then.
14:41How would you describe that smell?
14:43It's a kind of soft and fresh morning...
14:45Yeah.
14:47It's definitely a woman.
14:49Well, it's a woman. Well done. That's your first one right.
14:52OK, on both sides.
14:56Number two, if you'd like to breathe.
15:01There's nothing really there to that one.
15:04Well, maybe he's not a breather. Maybe he's dead.
15:06Or maybe she's dead.
15:08So it's a man.
15:10No, no.
15:13Give him up for that.
15:15OK, right, number three. Wait, wait, wait.
15:21It's a woman. It's a woman.
15:23That's three out of three.
15:25You're doing well.
15:26OK, number four. Nice big breath.
15:34How'd she know?
15:36I think we've answered that one.
15:39He's a bit nuts, wasn't he?
15:41I'm going to say that is...
15:43That's a man, I think.
15:45A man?
15:47You're doing well there, four out of four.
15:54Not being funny, the garlic.
15:56Garlic? Yeah.
15:58You were told not to eat garlic, weren't you?
16:00This is like the Blight of Gestapo.
16:03You were told not to eat garlic!
16:06Definitely told not to eat garlic, though.
16:08Yeah.
16:09I don't know where to go with it. Wait a minute.
16:13Oh.
16:18Are they chasing me?
16:20It's a...
16:21What are we getting?
16:24It's a woman.
16:25You're going for woman? Yeah.
16:26Are you 100% sure?
16:28An easier way to...
16:29Should have stuck with man, shouldn't I have?
16:31You're quite close. Another easier way to test is to cut the testicles.
16:35OK, hands down. Now, here we go.
16:37Deep breath.
16:41That's nice, that one. Do you like that?
16:43Yeah, that was really nice.
16:44That's a woman.
16:45A woman.
16:46Yes.
16:50OK.
16:53Ooh, that's a soft one.
16:56That was...
16:57You could have said Eddie Camper.
17:01A woman.
17:02Well done.
17:08OK, big breath.
17:13Definitely a man.
17:14A man.
17:18You're doing well.
17:23It's a woman.
17:24It's a woman, well done.
17:27Here we go.
17:29Stop.
17:30I thought you were going to bite his head off, then.
17:33It smells like wood.
17:37Just to give you a clue, this person looks like they might live in a wood.
17:43Don't... Oh, fuck!
17:46Where is he? Where is he?
17:47This would be the greatest sport I've had.
17:49Where is he?
17:50Blind Scouse boxing.
17:52I've one more.
17:53Oh, where is he? Is it a bloke?
17:54Yeah.
17:55Go on, give him a point.
17:56That's a big breath, well done, Stephen.
17:58Hang on.
18:02It's a man, isn't it?
18:03It's a man, yeah.
18:04I'm going to do...
18:05We've got one more.
18:07APPLAUSE
18:17That's you, isn't it?
18:21It's me, little boy.
18:23I'll tell you what, if you remove your blindfold, well done, Stephen,
18:25you've got 11 right,
18:27so you've virtually proved your fact, virtually,
18:29so thank you to our breathers.
18:31Now, go and brush your teeth.
18:32Thank you, thank you.
18:33That's not bad, you did all right.
18:35That's an 80% hit rate.
18:43We have tested Stephen's fat, but how impressed were you?
18:46Where did you get those people from?
18:48We got them from under a bridge.
18:50Yeah.
18:52Why...
18:54..did they do that?
18:57Because, you know, it's a job.
19:00It's not a job.
19:02That, listen, you can't...
19:04You can't put that on your UCAS form.
19:06You cannot say,
19:07my job is having my breath smelt by Stephen Graham.
19:14So, marks out of ten, please, Miranda.
19:16Well, I am going to hurtle your way a seven.
19:21I thought that was just going to end at hurtle your way.
19:23Ooh, I'm scared now!
19:24Seven!
19:2524!
19:27Seriously, all that and you're going to give me a seven?
19:29Yeah.
19:30After that?
19:32You really scared?
19:33No, seriously.
19:34I was really impressed with what I did there.
19:36What did you do?
19:41I really thought you were going to go,
19:43seriously?
19:44Seriously?
19:45No, no, no.
19:46I'm just going to use you as a shield.
19:48That is the only thing.
19:50Say hello to a fucking pigeon on your way home,
19:52I just smelt 12 breaths.
19:54Do you know what I mean?
19:55But it's not just the actor.
19:58That was definitely worth at least a nine.
20:01Don't you agree?
20:02Yeah, yeah.
20:06No pressure, I mean, it's up to you, Miranda.
20:09It's really weird, but I've just had a kind of
20:12random second thought about all this.
20:14Oh, good.
20:15And I just feel like I should give you a 9.9.
20:18Thank you.
20:19Nine, that's a good nine.
20:209.9.
20:21Well, obviously, Miranda, we can't give Stephen 9.9.
20:23No.
20:24So I'm going to have to be harsh and round it down to a nine.
20:26OK, well, he said that.
20:27Thank you.
20:29Richard, no pressure.
20:30What are you going to give Stephen?
20:32I am going to give you ten.
20:42Stephen, I'm going to have to be more conservative and go for the nine.
20:46Go for the nine.
20:47That's all right, that's all right.
20:48So let's add that up and see what it puts you on the leaderboard.
20:52Stephen, great.
20:53You're in the lead at 28 points.
20:55That's not bad going.
20:57Wow.
21:00And now, last but by no means least, let's see what Richard's fact is.
21:05Three-year-olds cannot lie.
21:10Three-year-olds can't lie?
21:11They can't lie.
21:12What do you mean, they can't lie?
21:13They lack the...
21:15They're idiots, basically.
21:17They're a bunch of idiots, three-year-olds,
21:20and they can't lie to save their life.
21:24So they haven't got the capabilities.
21:25They lack the mental ability.
21:27So they try and lie, and then just sort of...
21:29You can see on their face that they...
21:31I'm not allowed near children.
21:33Right.
21:35So I'm...
21:36It's part of the terms of my release package that I do have to say it.
21:39Oh, OK.
21:41But, yeah, they lack the ability.
21:44It takes quite a lot of mental capability to lie,
21:49or even speak coherently.
21:51So you literally can't lie as a three-year-old?
21:53Can you lie as a two-year-old?
21:54Yeah, it's a blip at three.
21:58Where they just become very honest at two,
22:01they're into fraud, they're into misleading you,
22:04they're fiddling taxes.
22:06Three, attack of conscience.
22:08Get to nowhere, four, fuck it.
22:10Back.
22:13I've got a three-year-old, and he sort of lies
22:15because my wife has taught him to call me Daddy.
22:18Right.
22:19Have you seen him try to lie and then get the giggle to something?
22:22My three-year-old? Yeah.
22:23No, I haven't really got a three-year-old.
22:25Oh.
22:26That was just for the sake of that gag.
22:28In a minute when I say knock-knock, just say,
22:30who's there, don't go, I'll go and get that.
22:34OK, you've heard our views, but join us after the break
22:36to see us put the fact to the test.
22:37See you in a few minutes.
22:42Welcome back to Dotcom's Don't Echo,
22:44the show that has the answers to the questions you never even asked.
22:47Before the break, Richard Ayoade told us that three-year-olds can't lie.
22:50We've each said our piece.
22:51Now it's time to see if Richard's fact stuns them.
23:01Lying. We all do it.
23:03In fact, some of us are really rather good at it.
23:07So how can it be that three-year-olds are unable to lie?
23:11Let's ask an expert.
23:14No-one's born with the ability to lie.
23:16In fact, we don't learn to lie well until around four years of age.
23:19And this is the age when children realise that adults can't read their minds.
23:23So they have the option to say something false,
23:25maybe to avoid getting into trouble or to cover up.
23:29Children's ability to lie develops with brain development.
23:32And so children who are good at lying tend to be more cognitively advanced,
23:36whereas children who can't yet lie or lie well may still be developing.
23:41Time to put this theory to the test.
23:44First, we needed some three-year-olds.
23:47Sure, they look innocent enough.
23:50What would happen when we gave them a clear opportunity to lie?
23:57Hello. I just need to nip out for a minute.
23:59Can I ask you not to touch any of the sweets that are on the table?
24:03Now, we all know there's no chance of that happening.
24:06She's three.
24:14The question is, will she lie about it?
24:18OK, so let's get started.
24:20Did you have a sweetie whilst I was away?
24:24Did you? That's all right, don't worry.
24:28One down, two to go.
24:29This time, the irresistible temptation was toys.
24:33I just need to nip out for a bit.
24:35If you could not play with any of the toys, I'll be back.
24:44Thank you.
24:49OK, ready to get started.
24:50Whilst I was away, did you touch any of the toys?
24:53Yeah.
24:54No lies so far.
24:55Let's see how our final three-year-old got on.
24:58Hello.
24:59There's a very friendly bunny rabbit under this cloth.
25:02I just need to nip out for a second.
25:04Can you not look under the cloth whilst I'm away?
25:14Did you have a look at the bunny whilst I was away?
25:18A clean sweep.
25:19It seems that three-year-olds really don't lie.
25:23So when do we start to lie?
25:26Research shows that we learn to feel better around the age of four.
25:30Let's find out.
25:31We're going to do exactly the same test with these four-year-olds
25:35to see if they're capable of telling a lie.
25:39Did you have a sweetie whilst I was away?
25:41No.
25:45Didn't have any at all?
25:47Did you touch any of the toys whilst I was away?
25:50No.
25:51No?
25:52Are you sure?
25:55Did you have a look under the cloth?
25:57No!
25:58You did?
25:59No.
26:00No?
26:01No?
26:02No?
26:03No?
26:04No?
26:05No?
26:06No?
26:07No?
26:11Well, two out of three is not bad
26:13and proves that whilst at the age of three we lack the capacity to lie,
26:18by the age of four we're pretty much experts.
26:29OK, so we've tested Richard's fact.
26:31Marks out of ten, please. Miranda?
26:33I like this fact.
26:34Thank you.
26:35I'm less frightening than Stephen.
26:37You are less frightening than Stephen.
26:39And if I give you more than Stephen, I'm worried what's going to happen.
26:43Yeah.
26:44Do you see what I mean?
26:45Yeah.
26:46So, therefore, I have to give you...
26:50..an eight.
26:51OK.
26:52Because then I've given him more.
26:54Yeah.
26:55This is just like my childhood all over again.
26:58It's OK.
26:59Pretty soon you'll be taking my lunch money.
27:03I already have.
27:05Just don't put my head down the toilet because...
27:07OK.
27:08..I don't like it down there.
27:09OK.
27:11Stephen, I like the fact.
27:14It's well delivered.
27:15Thank you.
27:16You sound like you're on The Apprentice, Stephen.
27:19I'll give you...
27:21Yeah, I'm seven.
27:22OK.
27:23Thank you, Stephen.
27:24And thanks for the opportunity.
27:27You're welcome.
27:28I'm going to... I was impressed with that because, like you said,
27:32the idea that you can lie at four but not three,
27:34if you'd have said there's a five-year gap...
27:36Exactly.
27:37..and it slowly builds, but they were liars at four.
27:39Mm.
27:40And I like the liars.
27:41So, I'm going to give that an eight.
27:43Thank you.
27:44You're welcome.
27:45So, let's add that up and see where that puts you on the leaderboard.
27:48Richard?
27:49Last.
27:50It puts you in third place with 23 points.
27:52Well, that's OK.
27:53It's worth it.
27:54Anyone can win from here.
27:56Anyone.
27:57Yeah.
27:58So, Stephen's ahead with 28 points,
28:01but that could all change in our next round.
28:03It's time for Fact Finder.
28:07Yes, it's not just my guests who have brought in facts,
28:09we've also asked our studio audience to bring in theirs.
28:12We've had a look at them, and during the break,
28:14Miranda, Richard and Stephen have tried to find the one fact
28:16that they think is the best and will win them the most points.
28:19Right, Miranda, which member of the audience
28:21did you think had the best fact?
28:23A lovely lady called Sue Hearn.
28:25Sue Hearn.
28:26Where are you, Sue?
28:27Sue Hearn.
28:28Where are you from, Sue?
28:29I'm from Gray's in Essex.
28:30So, what's your fact?
28:32The domestic cat can be faster than Usain Bolt.
28:35Do we think that's possible?
28:37Yeah, it is.
28:38They've got more legs.
28:39Yeah.
28:40Famously.
28:41I mean, they're shorter legs.
28:42They're known for their legs.
28:44Our cat's known for their legs.
28:46Well, I know they have legs.
28:48Yeah.
28:49But they're not beyond that.
28:50They're more...
28:51I mean, if anything, they're known for whiskers.
28:53Oh, no, that's the food.
28:56Right.
28:57Do you think it's a particular type of cat?
28:59Yeah, a cat in a car.
29:03But, for example, a leaner Siamese,
29:05you imagine more than a big, fat...
29:07Ginger potty.
29:09Yeah.
29:10You know one of those cats that's got the sort of udder effect?
29:13Yes, the undercarriage.
29:14And the stomach is scraping along the floor.
29:16You can't imagine that, but a lithe Siamese...
29:19I like to think at the end, all the cats get on their hind legs
29:23and go like that.
29:25Ah!
29:26That's a nice touch.
29:27It's a nice image, isn't it?
29:28And Usain Bolt tries to get his own back
29:30by sitting down and licking his own bollocks.
29:32Yeah.
29:35OK, well, we've only just heard this fact,
29:37so we can't do an experiment,
29:38but what we can do is ask the people
29:40who know everything there is to know about science.
29:42So please welcome rocket scientist Dr Simon Foster,
29:44expert in cell biology and genetics Dr Emily Grossman,
29:47and chemical engineer David Wharton.
29:49It's our Verifiers!
29:51APPLAUSE
29:57So, please tell me this isn't true,
29:59cos it just doesn't sound right to me.
30:01There is actually some truth in this, and it's down to evolution.
30:04Cats have evolved to be extremely fast but short sprinters
30:08so they can catch their prey, such as birds, before they fly off,
30:11or mice, before they go down holes.
30:13So the top speed of a cat is around 30 miles an hour,
30:17and the top speed of a human being, Usain Bolt,
30:20is about 28 miles an hour.
30:22Now, the problem is, over 100 metres, a cat can't run that far.
30:27It can only go to about 60 metres.
30:29So if we scaled the race down to what a cat can do,
30:32and did it over 60 metres,
30:34then the cat would be faster over that distance.
30:36So we are sort of saying that... Yeah.
30:38..there is some truth in the fact that they're faster? Yeah.
30:41OK, well, we'll score it at the end once we've heard everyone's facts.
30:44OK, your turn, Stephen. Whose facts have you chosen?
30:46Neil Beckley. Neil Beckley. Where are you, Neil? I'm here.
30:49Hello, Neil. Hello. And where are you from? Dubai.
30:53Did you really come from Dubai? Yes.
30:55To see this? No. Not...
30:58Don't patronise me. No.
31:00Neil, are you a pilot? Sorry?
31:03Are you a pilot? No.
31:05What do you do in Dubai? Is this a quiz show or what?
31:08No, I just think you may be my father.
31:11LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
31:20What do you... What do you do in Dubai?
31:23I don't know whether I can tell you. That's the problem. Why?
31:26Cos you're pissed? It's the middle.
31:29Maybe he's just a very shit spy.
31:32I work for a very large multinational company.
31:36McDonald's. We're not!
31:38LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
31:41Where is McDonald's?
31:43What's your favourite kind of McDonald's?
31:45I love the Big Mac. We're not.
31:47I mean, I know it's boring, but I just love it. I think it's great.
31:51OK, so what's your fact?
31:53My fact is that men develop belly button fluff and women don't.
32:01Oh, OK.
32:03Why do men...? Are you going from experience?
32:07It's from personal experience and extensive research.
32:11LAUGHTER
32:14Hands on his hips, in linen, straight in from Dubai,
32:18combing the belly buttons of every woman he's ever met.
32:22Daddy, take me away from here.
32:26Neil, why did you walk away from me?
32:30LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
32:37Neil, please say I didn't walk, I ran.
32:40Miranda, are you a belly button fluff woman?
32:43No, I'm pleased and proud to say I am fluffless.
32:46You're fluffless.
32:48But I'm intrigued...
32:50LAUGHTER
32:53Thank you.
32:55So glad I said that.
32:57LAUGHTER
32:59How do you remove the fluff?
33:01How? Well, you get your finger...
33:04No, but... ..and work the rest out yourself.
33:07Yeah, but that's bits and bobs you're talking about.
33:10He's talking about fluff.
33:12Bits and bobs? What do you think I've got in there? Spanners?
33:16No, but fluff isn't fluff hair, are you talking about bits of hair?
33:20I always think of fluff as being the stuff that comes off your clothes
33:23and gets in the belly button. I think that's what it is, right?
33:26OK, well, then... I'm actually collecting for Riccardi.
33:30OK, time for Verifiers to earn their money.
33:32Who can explain Neil's fact?
33:34Well, the amount of belly button fluff
33:37depends on the amount of hair that you have on your belly.
33:40And that's because abdominal hair has these little scales on it
33:43and they act like tiny little hooks
33:45and they latch on to any stray fibres in your clothes.
33:48Now, because the abdominal hair grows in sort of circular patterns,
33:52the fibres that are captured get drawn inwards
33:55and they end up in your belly button and when they're there,
33:58they then combine with dead skin cells, skin oil and sweat and dust
34:02and they become belly button fluff.
34:04So if you shave your belly button, you get a fluff-free navel.
34:07Now, because women have generally less hair around their belly button,
34:12they tend to have less belly button fluff.
34:14But they will have some.
34:16Dr Emily Brostner. Amazing.
34:21Finally, your turn, Richard.
34:23Zoe Harwood...
34:25Pardon?
34:27What's her name? Oh, Zoe Harwood.
34:29Zoe Harwood. Where are you from, Zoe?
34:31Uxbridge. And what do you do?
34:33I'm a florist. You're a florist?
34:35Yes. How lovely.
34:37Tell me, Zoe, what's your amazing fact?
34:39If a polar bear catches your scent, it'll hunt you till the day it dies.
34:43If a polar bear catches your scent...
34:45It'll... Sorry, it'll what?
34:47It will hunt for you till the day it dies.
34:49So, sorry, who told you this? My dad.
34:51Your dad told you this. Had he got any evidence?
34:53He said that the Indians, if a polar bear used to get their scent,
34:57then they would leave the oldest member of the tribe
35:00and then they would move on and then the polar bear would eat them.
35:04And they'd be free.
35:06Anyway, good night, love. Sleep well.
35:10So, polar bears hunt you for life if they get your scent.
35:14What do we think of that? They're clever, aren't they, polar bears?
35:17Well, they're not that clever. Never seen one ride a bike.
35:21I think that's harsh. They may just not make it their sole priority.
35:25They may hunt you, but also make time to relax
35:29and enjoy other things and read. That's nice.
35:32Yeah, very far. This is all very interesting, but is there any truth?
35:35Well, polar bears do indeed have a terrific sense of smell.
35:38For instance, they can smell dead meat from a kilometre away,
35:42even when it's under, say, a metre of snow.
35:45So a remarkable sense of smell, but what they normally do with it
35:48is their method of hunting is to go for the ringed seal.
35:51The ringed seal swims under the ice and makes a hole
35:54in order to come up to breathe while it's catching fish.
35:57Our clever polar bear lies there and as the seal comes up,
36:01swipes it with its paw. Now, that's using its sense of smell
36:04to find out where the seal is, but it's not saying,
36:07ha-ha, I want that seal, and then following it across the ice
36:11until it finally gets it. So while they have the good sense of smell,
36:15I doubt very much that they actually are so focused
36:18on one particular creature they're going to chase after it.
36:22So, your dad's a fucking liar.
36:32So we've heard whether the facts are true,
36:35but what scores will the verifiers give them?
36:38Find out after the break, and also which one of Miranda, Richard or Stephen
36:41will have the dubious honour of trying out tonight's Max Fact.
36:49So before the break, Miranda, Stephen and Richard chose their favourite facts
36:52from the audience. We found out whether each fact is true,
36:55but who will get the most points from our verifiers and win tonight's show?
36:58Let's find out. Miranda, please remind us of your chosen fact.
37:02Sue Hearn was my audience member who gave us the fact that cats
37:07can run faster than Usain Bolt.
37:10Verifiers, what score are we going to give that?
37:13Since it is pretty amazing that a cat has a higher top speed
37:16than a human being, and no distance was given for this hypothetical race,
37:20we're going to give it a nine.
37:22Thank you.
37:29Stephen, remind us of the fact you backed.
37:32Men produce bellybutton fluff, and women generally do not.
37:37That's insinuating that I do.
37:42As I've said before, I am fluffless.
37:52Verifiers?
37:54Well, there is a lot of truth in this, as we said, which is that
37:57it has to do with the amount of hair, so generally, women will have less fluff.
38:01But the fact was that they will have no fluff, and actually,
38:04they will have, particularly the more her suit woman
38:07might have some fluff in her bellybutton.
38:09So we're going to give it a six.
38:11Oh, careful!
38:16They're brave, sat over there, aren't they?
38:19And finally, Richard, my little bastard child.
38:23Remind us of the person and your chosen fact.
38:25Zoe Harwood lumped me with this dynamite piece of...
38:29..shit.
38:33How many, if a polar bear catches your scent,
38:35it will hunt you until the day it dies?
38:37Verifiers, what score are we giving that?
38:39Well, we felt that, although polar bears do have a good sense of smell,
38:43because that's not really how they hunt at all,
38:45we felt we could only give it three points.
38:47Three points?
38:50Three more than I thought we were giving it.
38:53So, let's put all that up onto the leaderboard
38:56and see how it's affected the final score.
38:59Richard Ayoade, 26 points.
39:01Stephen Graham, 34 points.
39:03But tonight's winner, with 35 points, is Miranda Hart.
39:09Well done, Miranda, you've won tonight's star prize,
39:12the chance to prove a fact of my very own.
39:16So my fact tonight is, meringue can insulate you from fire.
39:20Let's go and test this out.
39:22It's time for Max Facts.
39:26So, this fact is all about the insulating properties of meringue.
39:32Now, we've all eaten a baked Alaska.
39:34This is exactly the same, except it's massive.
39:37And it's not ice cream in the middle.
39:40It's going to be Miranda in the middle.
39:42Now, Miranda, you need to get into your experiment suit.
39:45Whilst you're doing that, here's David Wharton with the science.
39:48Now, meringue is actually quite a fascinating substance.
39:51It's a composite of two other materials.
39:54Firstly, we've got egg white.
39:56Now, egg white is protein, and there are two types of protein in there.
40:00One of them, the albumin, forms these very, very small bubbles around the air
40:05and holds its strength.
40:07The other one, oxyalbumin, when it's heated,
40:10gives a rigidity to the structure.
40:12Now, the other substance at present, of course, is air.
40:15And air is a very poor conductor of heat.
40:18Hence, meringue is not only delicious, but it's a very good insulator.
40:25Thank you, David.
40:27So, that's the science behind it.
40:30Now, as you can see, Miranda is in position and ready to go.
40:34We're just going to put a Perspex fire shield in front of your face, Miranda.
40:37We're taking no chances with that helmet as well, aren't we?
40:39I feel like this is a very, very weird dream.
40:43Yeah, it feels like I could have a little practice at table tennis now.
40:48Now, meanwhile, I'll get cracking and cover you up with meringue.
40:51It's exciting, isn't it?
40:53Now, the secret behind this, right...
40:55By the way, for a regular baked Alaska, you need 150 grams of sugar...
41:01..and about four egg whites.
41:03And for our baked Miranda, you need 18 kilograms of sugar
41:08and, believe it or not, 2,200 egg whites.
41:11I can't actually believe this is happening, and I'm awake.
41:16You're just like Wallace and Gromit are making a porno film.
41:23Oh, yeah, OK, you step in, sir. He knows what he's doing. I haven't got a clue.
41:27Imagine if you'd have gone to a beauty salon and they were doing this.
41:30You'd really feel ripped off, wouldn't you?
41:32That would be one Brazilian.
41:35OK, it's time to test our fact
41:38and see if meringue really can insulate Miranda from fire.
41:43Now, this flamethrower shoots out a deadly one-foot flame.
41:47It takes years to master one of these,
41:49and I have half an hour in the car park,
41:52so I think you'll be all right, Miranda.
41:54Argh! I'm only joking.
41:57OK, here we go.
42:00OK, here we go.
42:05Oh, it's really...
42:06This is genuinely the first time they've let me hold a blowtorch since the incident.
42:13Oh, it is working, isn't it?
42:15How does it feel? Are you getting any sensations?
42:17No, it's just quite unnerving being just literally cased in fire.
42:22You think, I'm expecting to feel...
42:25It is good, though. You can't feel a thing, can you?
42:27No, I just feel very cold.
42:29Genuinely, this is true.
42:30This is why it took six weeks to cremate Humpty Dumpty.
42:36Well, Miranda is completely fine.
42:38The fact works.
42:43So, that's all we've got time for,
42:45but it would be a shame to let all this meringue go to waste.
42:48So, Stephen and Richard, come over and join us.
42:52So, guys, while she gets stuck into that,
42:54a big thank you to my guest tonight, Stephen Graham.
42:58Richard Ayoade.
43:00And Miranda Hart.
43:02Thanks very much. Goodnight.
43:07Tuck in, lads.
43:11Let's have a look. Is that real sweat?
43:13That is. That's my sweat.
43:14That's not your sweat.
43:18Oh, don't.
43:19Is it?
43:20Ha-ha.
43:28Miles and the gang are going to embark
43:30on an unexpected mission tomorrow night
43:32as season two of Revolution returns at ten.
43:35And in the meantime, you can catch up
43:37with the latest from award-winning comedy Moonboy
43:39next on Skyrim HD.