Ask Rhod Gilbert. S02 E03.

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deaddogsmoking
  • 2 months ago
First broadcast 5th October 2011.

Rhod Gilbert

Greg Davies
Lloyd Langford
Jo Whiley

Russell Kane
John Prescott
Edith Bowman
Kevin Smith
Transcript
00:00Tonight on Ask Rod Gilbert, our special guests are Don't Hang the DJ, it's Edith Bowman.
00:29And with the best hair in comedy, Russell Cain.
00:36They're here every week, it's Greg Davies.
00:41And Lloyd Langford.
00:46Ladies and gentlemen, Ask Rod Gilbert.
00:56Hello, hello, hello, welcome, yes, my name is Rod Gilbert and tonight my job is to find the answers to the questions that keep us all awake at night.
01:03Questions like, why do so many people give their toilet a nautical theme?
01:08Anchors on the shower curtains, shells on the cistern, blue everything, what makes you think fish want to be immortalised in your transparent toilet seat?
01:16How would you like to spend the rest of eternity staring up someone else's bottom?
01:21I know there's water in the bathroom and water in the sea but it's a pretty tenuous link, there's a bed in the bedroom, you haven't given it a hotel theme.
01:28Why not get a trowel suppressor and a mini kettle, paint everything purple and hire Lenny Henry to bounce up and down wearing matching pyjamas?
01:35If you're trying to turn your toilet into a beach, why not go the whole hog and get a lifeguard in there, some rusty cans on the floor and a family from Birmingham arguing behind a windbreak in the corner.
01:44Stop this nonsense before there's more shells in our loos than there are in our beaches or one day, trust me, you'll hold a shell up to your ear and think,
01:50I can't hear the sea but someone's going to need some air freshener and a two bed semi in Leicester.
02:00In a world full of uncertainty we need someone with credibility to help us find the answers to our questions.
02:05So as always we begin by asking, who is tonight's authenticator?
02:09As a lad he was an amateur boxer.
02:13He later became a politician where he fought privatisation of the railways.
02:19He took a tough stance in negotiations to combat climate change.
02:25Tonight he'll need all the wit and character he shows as a peer in the House of Lords.
02:35All rise for tonight's authenticator, John Prescott.
02:43John, thanks for coming on the show.
02:53I'll tell you later whether I enjoyed it.
02:57You once said, I've always felt very proud of Wales and being Welsh. I was born in Wales, I went to school in Wales, my mother was Welsh, I'm Welsh.
03:03It's my place of birth, my country, I'm Welsh.
03:07What was going on there?
03:11There was a referendum by BBC for Wales about who do you think you are, I think it was called.
03:15It seemed to me you had a pretty clear idea.
03:19They were surprised to find I was Welsh and I said it was a Scottish colleague of mine from Stirling
03:23who said, took me over the bridge, he said, this is where the English got beat.
03:27I said, I don't care a damn I'm Welsh.
03:31How are you going to help us tonight?
03:35Well my job is providing you and the panel with information you need to answer tonight's questions, just like I used to do for Tony Blair.
03:41Thank you John, that is wonderful.
03:45And when I think we finally have an answer I will do this.
03:49Hello panel.
03:53Just to say on air how much I am enjoying your jacket tonight.
03:57I think it's very nice.
04:01If you were in shawty-wawty.
04:05Can we have the thunderball result now?
04:09That Matthew Broderick was in fact the voice of the older Simba in the Lion King.
04:13Why are you going ooh?
04:17I was just surprised, I had no idea.
04:21Why are you surprised?
04:25It's not that I've lost sleep over it.
04:29You know it's a cartoon don't you?
04:33I know it's a cartoon, I'm just surprised that Edith didn't realise it was somebody else doing the voice.
04:37You don't have to have thought something else.
04:41You can be surprised by something in isolation.
04:45Like your jacket.
04:49I think it's really nice.
04:53We'll get some brothel creepers and go to Brighton.
04:57Fair enough, I like your attempt to look slim.
05:01I think I have lost a bit of weight.
05:05I didn't expect that did you?
05:09No I didn't expect there to be human flesh under there.
05:13What have you learned this week?
05:17I went on Twitter and my Twitter was jammed with a lookalike.
05:21Apparently there had been a celebrity come dine with me on and I'm an absolute ringer for Fatima Whitbread.
05:25What more crushing lookalike can you get than you look like a javelin thrower from the 80s?
05:29Who's female?
05:33Have we got a picture of Fatima Whitbread?
05:37It's a smile, it's a smile.
05:47So, let's find out who wants to know what tonight.
05:51Who have we got?
05:55Barbara Windsor, are you a fan of Barbara Windsor?
05:59Fair enough.
06:03Are you a fan of Gaddafi?
06:07Let's see what Gaddafi wants to know.
06:11Well, Colonel, I have but I didn't realise it was you.
06:15I just thought they'd left Lionel Richie's waxwork too close to the radio.
06:19Ashley Cole.
06:23Hi Rod.
06:27The full question here, the full question is, hi Rod, can you clear up something for me?
06:31Am I going out with Cheryl or not? I haven't seen a newspaper recently and I've sort of lost track.
06:35It's a bit urgent because she's coming round later so I need to know
06:39whether to have sex with her or try and start an argument.
06:43Ah, here we go. The World Asks.
06:47It's our first round, The World Asks. Let's see who wants to know what.
06:51We have a Californian winemaker. What does he want to know?
06:55Hi Rod. You know, most great relationships start over a good glass of wine.
06:59So tell me this, is it possible to make someone fall in love with you?
07:07Is it possible to make someone fall in love with you?
07:11John, can you see what you can find out?
07:15Can you make someone fall in love with you? Do you reckon you can?
07:19Well, I'm from Essex so all you need is a sandboker and get in the van and the job's done.
07:23The closest I ever came to it was a friend of mine lent me his baby.
07:27I was out having a coffee with him.
07:31Whoa, whoa, whoa. A friend of yours lent you his baby?
07:35I was out having a coffee with a friend.
07:39You said, can I borrow your baby?
07:43He went into a shop and I looked after the baby for a little bit.
07:47I just thought I'd try a little experiment when I was walking around on my own.
07:51I said, don't worry, mummy's in heaven.
07:55I'm not joking.
07:59Women were throwing themselves at me.
08:03I had women almost getting run over crossing the road to get to me. It was awesome.
08:07What, so having the baby made you more attractive to women?
08:11Absolutely awesome. When I started breastfeeding it, that ruined it.
08:15John, have you got any information that might help us?
08:19A study by the Wales Institute showed women pictures of the same man sitting in two cars.
08:23A £70,000 silver Bentley and a battered Ford Fiesta.
08:27The women aged between 21-40 picked the man sitting in the Bentley
08:31ahead of the same man in the battered Ford.
08:35No surprise whatsoever that women are shallow.
08:39Lloyd, don't you think women are materialistic and shallow?
08:43Yeah, I can't drive those.
08:47That incidentally makes trips to the safari park really scary.
08:51Is there anybody in the audience,
08:55this is going to be very difficult, is there any woman
08:59that doesn't fancy Lloyd or Greg?
09:03Let's get that lady there to stand up. You, madam, yes.
09:07You do not fancy Greg or Lloyd? No.
09:11Are you absolutely sure?
09:15Very much.
09:19We're going to see if we can make them more attractive to you by putting them in a number of different vehicles.
09:23Good luck.
09:31Let's see who we've got.
09:35Greg in a sports car. Do you not find him more attractive there? No.
09:39Not even a little bit? No.
09:43Is he any more attractive to you in there?
09:47No. Still not? Let's see the next one.
09:51How does that one make you feel?
09:55Not even a uniform would help that.
09:59Right, let's see the next one.
10:07Maybe if he was in the back.
10:11It does seem to us very difficult to make Greg and Lloyd look more attractive.
10:15Thank you very much. What's your name, madam? Laura.
10:19Laura, ladies and gentlemen.
10:23John, any more facts for us?
10:27Well, we've talked about love, it's all about pain.
10:31Some interesting bit of research on that. Love can hurt.
10:35Stanford University researchers gave 15 students mild doses of pain
10:39when they took a photo of their partner or a photo of someone
10:43they deemed to be equally attractive.
10:47They found that viewing the picture of their beloved reduced their perception of pain.
10:51So if you inflict pain on somebody while they're looking at something they love,
10:55it shouldn't hurt as much? No, it doesn't hurt as much.
10:59Oh, I can feel an experiment coming on, John, can you?
11:03Don't look like that, Greg. Greg, it might not even be you I choose to do the experiment on.
11:07Let's just get on with it, whatever it is, let's get on with it.
11:11All right, Russell, can you, unless you can think of a more interesting way to give Greg pain,
11:17can you give Greg a little pinch under the arm there?
11:21Oh, that's awful. That is awful.
11:25Now let's show you a picture of something that you love while we inflict the pain and see if it doesn't hurt.
11:29Picture of your parents, Greg.
11:33It makes no difference whatsoever. Edith, could you administer a double nipple tweak, please?
11:37Oh, with pleasure.
11:41Oh, I don't know. I don't know if I should take my shirt off.
11:45Double? Double. Properly tweak them, Edith.
11:49Yay!
11:53Let's see the same double nipple tweak, but showing you a picture of something you love.
11:57A lovely fatty burger and chips. Keep looking at the picture that you love, Greg.
12:01I did see my little legs.
12:05Greg, you love the burger more than your parents.
12:09Let's go to John for an answer.
12:13Well, we've got an answer from Professor Margaret Clark, a psychology professor from Yale University in the United States,
12:17who says, I quote,
12:21No, it isn't possible to make someone fall in love with you.
12:25There are things you can do to make yourself more lovable.
12:29You can set certain goals and support them.
12:33Or you can make yourself physically attractive and display your wealth as a means of heightening sexual attraction.
12:37It always takes two.
12:41Thank you very much. I will take that as an answer.
12:45So, Malibu winemaker,
12:49you wanted to know if it's possible to make someone fall in love with you, and the answer is no.
12:53I'm going to award that round to Greg for going through all of that pain so bravely.
12:57Thank you.
13:01Let's see who else has a question for us.
13:05Let's have a look. Kylie Minogue.
13:09Oh, well, this will be exciting.
13:13Hi, Rod. Chris Martin here. Fancy joining me and the boys for a massive no-holds-barred afterparty?
13:17Well, Chris, I would love to, but the last time I went to one of your parties,
13:21I didn't get home until nearly 10 p.m.
13:25I'm going to give it a miss this time, if you don't mind.
13:29Oh!
13:33Excuse me.
13:41Were you standing there reverentially, or were you about to leave?
13:45That was the boss. He's the boss.
13:49Who's this? Ken Dodd.
13:53Is this what my therapist meant when he said I should just be myself?
13:57That's what our next round is.
14:01A famous face asks, and let's see who wants to know what.
14:05Oh, it's Kevin Smith, Hollywood film director. What does he want to know?
14:09Hey, Rod. Kevin Smith here. Long-time listener, first-time caller.
14:13Let me share this with you, man. On my new movie, At the End of Every Day,
14:17a long, hard day on the set, I would like to relax with an ice-cold beer.
14:21I would like to relax with an ice-cold glass of milk, believe it or not.
14:25And it got me wondering, man, are we milking the right animals?
14:33Can you see what you can find out for us?
14:35Panel, what do we think? Are we milking the right animals?
14:38We only milk cows and goats, don't we?
14:40Why don't we milk horses? They're big.
14:42You can get horses milk, rats milk, hippos milk, cannon milk, spider milk.
14:46Spider milk!
14:50Can you buy human milk anywhere?
14:53I think you can, yeah. How much do you want?
14:56Any of you have a drug? Any human milk?
14:59Er...
15:01No, I've not been a baby.
15:03No, I haven't, actually. It's meant for babies, it's not meant for us.
15:06Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should.
15:08I could probably get a jar of pickled onions up my backside, but I can't get it up.
15:13I feel an experiment coming on, John.
15:17John, can we have a fact?
15:19Well, it's not just cows that we milk, of course.
15:21In the UK, goats milk, sheeps milk, all well-known too.
15:25In fact, you can milk any mammal that is lactating, including a whale.
15:30But other animals that are milked for human consumption include
15:33horses, water buffalo, camels, reindeer, donkeys and yaks.
15:39John just said that you can milk a whale. I think that's awesome.
15:42Can we just get rid of cows and have one whale?
15:46How do baby whales, then, get on the tea underwater?
15:49How does the milk come out and they...
15:51Doesn't it just come out into a pool and then the baby whales just have to chase after it underwater?
15:55Why don't you do that when you're human?
15:57Why don't we just, like, kind of squeeze this out and the baby just...
16:01I can't brag and I like it.
16:03It's just running along the ground.
16:06Breastfeeding in public would be a lot more fun if it did, actually.
16:10I've got a little treating store for you guys.
16:12If each of you reach under the table, you will find somewhere under there
16:16a little bottle of unidentified milk.
16:19I can tell you now that none of them are cows.
16:21Oh, I'm going to be sick. I know I'm going to be sick.
16:24Are you going to give us what the animals are or not?
16:26I am going to give you what the animals are after you've drunk it and had a guess.
16:31Eat it. Ladies first.
16:32OK, I'll eat it.
16:34And you have to finish it.
16:37It might be something nice.
16:39Give me a wrap.
16:44Shut up!
16:45Deep breath, quick swig.
16:47Yes.
16:50It's definitely not cow's milk.
16:53What do you think?
16:54I don't know, what are the options?
16:56All the animals in the world?
16:59Actually, probably not.
17:00I'm going to go with goat's milk.
17:02Goat's, jot that down.
17:03Craig, number two, please.
17:10I'm going to say dolphin's milk.
17:14Russell, I've got number three, Russell.
17:16Down in one.
17:17Edith, that tells us more about you than it does about Russell.
17:31Oh, my God, I don't know what it is.
17:33Oh, do you know what else?
17:36Oh, my God.
17:39That was...
17:42That's like...
17:43That's just like licking earth or something.
17:46What is your guess, Russell?
17:47I'm going to go with human.
17:48All right, go human.
17:49Lloyd, if you'd try bottle number four, please.
17:54It tastes flowery.
17:56What do you mean, floral?
17:58No, like flour and bacon.
18:00I think that's horse milk.
18:05You know the horses.
18:07Always bacon.
18:10I think it's horse milk.
18:14I mean, I'm not going to say it tastes flowery,
18:16so it was from a baker.
18:21It has to be an animal, and I guess horse.
18:24Let's reveal what we've got.
18:26What did, Edith, you thought it was?
18:29Goat.
18:30Goat.
18:31What was it?
18:32Camel.
18:33Did you get camel?
18:34Where did we get camel milk?
18:35I'll give you three guesses.
18:41Greg, you thought it was...
18:43Dolphin.
18:44Dolphin.
18:45It was...
18:46Yak.
18:47Russell, you thought it was...
18:48I thought it was human milk.
18:49You thought it was human.
18:50It was...
18:51Donkey.
18:55Lloyd, you were fairly sure yours was horse.
18:57Am I right?
18:58Because of the flour.
18:59Because of the flour.
19:01Well, you should have taken that flour more seriously.
19:03What usually uses flour of the animal kingdom?
19:06Who's most likely to bake?
19:08It is...
19:09You.
19:21Lloyd, you're going to wish you hadn't confidently taken a second swig there,
19:24because those weren't the breasts.
19:28The only breasts that were used for this experiment were...
19:31I.
19:54Jon, can we have a look back?
19:57Well, nobody's mentioned pigs.
19:59We don't milk pigs, as they're actually very difficult to milk.
20:03Why?
20:04Not only do they have 14 teats,
20:06but they get agitated when their teats are touched
20:11and have to be restrained.
20:13But that would be a good thing for milking, wouldn't it?
20:1514 teats? Surely.
20:16Why do humans only have two teats?
20:19Because they've only got two breasts.
20:21Yeah, but...
20:25They've only got two nipples, because generally,
20:27women have one baby, then another baby, so that's that covered.
20:31And then by the time the third baby comes along,
20:33the first baby would be 18 months old
20:35and so wouldn't need breastfeeding anymore.
20:37Yeah, but surely it would be better if we had more than two nipples, Jon.
20:40Cows have got, like, how many? Five?
20:43No, it's probably six.
20:44It's probably an even number, isn't it?
20:46Eight.
20:47Has a cow got eight?
20:48Yeah.
20:49Why?
20:50Yeah.
20:51See, so why has a human only got two?
20:52You only milk six.
20:53You hang on to the other two.
20:58There's lots of weird things about cows.
20:59What is it with the rain?
21:00Do they stand up when it's going to rain?
21:02No, lie down on the ground.
21:03They lie down when it's going to rain.
21:05Is that true, though?
21:06They lie down when it's going to rain.
21:07It's to keep the grass dry.
21:10It's not.
21:11It is not. Wait a minute.
21:12I can't pass without comment.
21:14This isn't sheep and stuff.
21:15If it's going to rain, they all get under a tree in shelter, right?
21:17That makes sense.
21:18But cows just lie down.
21:19They're still going to get wet, aren't they?
21:20It's to protect the grass.
21:22It is not to protect the grass.
21:23They don't think, oh, the rain's coming.
21:25We'd better keep the grass dry because they don't like eating wet grass.
21:27It's not like when you're a kid hiding your sweets from other kids.
21:31Right, you...
21:33Moo.
21:34See, you eat chips, right?
21:39And cows eat grass.
21:40If you were out eating chips outside and it started raining,
21:43you'd cover them over, wouldn't you?
21:45They eat the grass and think,
21:46oh, I don't want my dinner to get wet, so I'll cover it over.
21:49I do know the answer.
21:51To that?
21:52Yeah, it's because air pressure makes a cow feel sick,
21:55so it sits down to be lower to the ground and it stops eating.
21:58Well, there's a massive difference in air pressure.
22:03I've got an interesting fact.
22:04It's not on here.
22:05We're at Kyoto doing the climate change.
22:07The Australians refused to sign the Kyoto Charter,
22:11largely because they said that the cows and the sheep were always flatulent
22:16and it was causing carbon.
22:17True.
22:18There was so much CO2 in the air from these animals eating grass
22:21that they couldn't sign the international agreement.
22:23Really?
22:24Yeah.
22:25That's why all those Australians go around with a hat on, corks on,
22:28because when they see one, they take the cork off and try and stop it.
22:40We should get an expert on this one.
22:42Let's get an expert.
22:43We can phone an expert.
22:44OK.
22:45Definitive answer.
22:46I've got someone you can talk to.
22:48He's Dr Peter Rowlinson
22:49and he's from the School of Agriculture, Food and Rural Development
22:53at Newcastle University.
22:55Hello, Dr Rowlinson.
22:57Good day to you.
22:58Good day to you.
22:59Welcome to the show.
23:00Thank you very much indeed.
23:01We're talking about milking other animals and milking cows.
23:04Can you ask a few questions that have come up
23:06during the course of this conversation for us?
23:08Ask away.
23:09OK.
23:10Why do humans only have two nipples?
23:12There's a very good correlation
23:14between the number of young and the number of breasts.
23:17So as one of your panellists said,
23:19humans normally will have one, sometimes two babies,
23:23therefore two breasts are sufficient.
23:26What about then the cow?
23:28They don't have six or seven births, do they?
23:31No, that's very good, Lord Prescott.
23:34Thank you very much.
23:35Excellent point.
23:37The answer probably goes back to the old ancestors of the cow,
23:43which were very much smaller and probably had two or three young.
23:48So they're a kind of evolutionary hangover?
23:51Yeah.
23:52Why do cows lie down when it's going to rain?
23:54Is it, as Lloyd thinks, to keep their grass dry?
23:57We're honestly not sure.
23:59Part of it is to keep the grass dry.
24:03Get off!
24:05APPLAUSE
24:07No, it's not.
24:09No, it's not.
24:12Dr Rowlinson, how do you prove that?
24:14They do seem able to anticipate weather,
24:18and part of that is thought to be due to pressure changes.
24:22LAUGHTER
24:24APPLAUSE
24:29Dr Rowlinson, just to come back to our question,
24:31are we milking the right animals?
24:33So are we, and why aren't we milking other things?
24:35Can you just sum that up to us nice and pithily, please?
24:38The pithy answer is yes, we are milking the right animals.
24:4290% of the milk consumed by humans is from cows,
24:47and it's really just a question of size,
24:50they're large, they're convenient,
24:53they've been domesticated, they're docile.
24:56Cow is the optimal species.
24:59Thank you very much, Dr Rowlinson.
25:01Thanks for being with us. I will take that as an answer.
25:03APPLAUSE
25:06So, Kevin Smith, the answer is yes, we are milking the right animals.
25:10I'm going to award that round to Lloyd
25:12for drinking Greg's mother's breast milk.
25:16Next, it is time for my quick-fire round,
25:19The Audience Asks.
25:21I'm going to try and get through as many questions as I can
25:23before we hear this noise.
25:25Will the honourable members shut up?
25:27LAUGHTER
25:31We won't bother with the answer button, there is no time for that,
25:34it's a quick-fire round, so I will just use this bell.
25:37BELL RINGS
25:39So, who is first in our quick-fire round?
25:41We have Matthew Payne. What's your question, Matthew?
25:43What is the point in trying to get to Mars?
25:46LAUGHTER
25:48Well, since we're in Glasgow, probably the deep fryer time.
25:51APPLAUSE
25:55David Hill, where are you, David? Hello, what's your question, sir?
25:57If Pinocchio told you... Oh, God.
25:59..that his nose...
26:01Pinocchio doesn't exist, David, let's start with that.
26:03Right. If he told you his nose was about to grow, what would happen?
26:07Well, it depends if he's lying,
26:10because Pinocchio didn't always lie.
26:12What he's saying is, if he states,
26:14my nose is about to grow, and it isn't,
26:16that is itself a lie, and his nose would automatically grow,
26:19so he's created a philosophical circle, is what he's saying.
26:22He has created a philosophical circle.
26:24Ask him the question. If Pinocchio says, my nose is...
26:27My nose is about to grow, what would happen?
26:29What would happen?
26:31Sometimes it would grow, sometimes it wouldn't,
26:33depending on whether Pinocchio's lying or not.
26:35No, no. No, it would always...
26:37It would always have to grow if he was lying.
26:40No, it wouldn't.
26:41There's supposed to be a quick-fire round.
26:43You can't go raising philosophical circles that baffle the panel.
26:46That was deep.
26:48It's not deep. Pinocchio, he can't always have lied.
26:51He can't always have lied. He's not real.
26:53But every time he lies...
26:55Every time he lies, his nose grows.
26:57So if Pinocchio says, no, my nose is not about to grow...
27:00It would have to... If it didn't grow,
27:02he would then be lying and it would grow.
27:08Order, order. You.
27:11Who's next? Kirstie Wallace.
27:13There you are. Hello, Kirstie. Hiya.
27:15Why does my one-year-old always sneeze
27:17when his mouth is filled with Weetabix?
27:21Is he allergic to Weetabix?
27:23Has he got a wheat allergy?
27:25I think it's just annoying me. It's all over me.
27:28So why do you keep shoving Weetabix in his mouth?
27:31Have you tried putting some milk with it?
27:34I've got some here.
27:38Stop feeding it to him, Kirstie.
27:40I don't know, but stop feeding it to your kid if he's allergic to it.
27:43James Fraser. Where are you, James?
27:45James. Hello, James. Hi, Rod.
27:47I would like to know why, when people talk spiral staircases,
27:50they always have to motion with their hands.
27:52When people talk about spiral staircases?
27:55How often do people talk about spiral staircases in your life?
27:58Not too often.
28:00But when they do, they always go like this.
28:02I know why. They do that because they're downstairs.
28:05Maybe it's that.
28:09People usually talk about downstairs.
28:11Well, the Honourable Members, shut up.
28:14That time is up.
28:16I'm going to award that round to Lloyd for his spiral staircase.
28:20APPLAUSE
28:24We've got through nearly all the questions for this week,
28:27but there's time for one more.
28:29It is our special guest asks round.
28:32And Edith, I believe you have a question.
28:35I do. I'm allergic to all animals.
28:38And I'm a massive techno geek as well.
28:41So I want to ask, will robots ever be man's best friend?
28:45John, can you see what you can find out?
28:47Will robots ever be man's best friend?
28:49What do our panel think?
28:51If you could get a robot to do one thing to improve your life,
28:54what would you do?
28:55Just monitor traffic wardens around my car.
28:57I just seem to attract them.
28:59When you say you just seem to attract them,
29:01do you mean I just seem to park illegally?
29:03And I think they're the nearest we've got to robots.
29:07Traffic wardens.
29:12I've started writing.
29:15What would you get a robot to do if you had one?
29:17Well, it's a terrible thing I'm going to say now,
29:19but wouldn't it be great if you're feeling really knackered,
29:21I could just put a robot stand-up out on stage.
29:23What's that all about? Easy, Jed. What's that all about?
29:26And then you could just laser hecklers. Shut up!
29:31Lloyd, are you a techno geeky?
29:34I'm the opposite of that.
29:36My phone is really old and it's full to capacity,
29:39so every time I make a new friend, I have to lose an old one.
29:43So your phone's got four spaces on it?
29:47You want to watch Lloyd's typing,
29:49it's one of the funniest things you'll ever see.
29:51Lloyd, I would just point out, can only type with one finger.
29:54Show us. Literally, like this. This is Lloyd typing.
29:56Yeah, that, that is it.
29:58I just think, why don't you just go like this?
30:03If he wants to save something, I have to come in and press control
30:05while he plays that.
30:07OK, John, have you got any more information for us?
30:09Yeah, some robots are multi-purpose,
30:11but some are built for the single purpose, like this one.
30:16MUSIC PLAYS
30:34That is Humpbot.
30:36That clip restores my faith in the internet.
30:39Greg, can you think of a way of testing whether man,
30:42or robots might be man's best friend?
30:45Well, yes, do you know what, Rod? I think I probably can.
30:50Let's go to the lab.
30:57Welcome to the lab.
30:59Lloyd just asked me if robots would ever be man's best friend
31:02around the house, and we're about to find out.
31:04Lloyd, what sort of domestic tasks do you envisage you'd need help with?
31:09Well, see, Greg, you'd made a spaghetti bolognese,
31:12and me, with my butterfingers, accidentally just...
31:15Oh, no, Lloyd! That is awful.
31:18The spaghetti bolognese has gone everywhere.
31:20Let's bring in the Rodbot 3000.
31:29What am I going to clean it up with?
31:31Your food disposal? With your hoover face. Get on with it.
31:35Hurry up, Rodbot!
31:38While Rodbot's getting on with that,
31:40what envisage you might have around the house, Lloyd?
31:42Well, see, I poured you a lovely glass of wine.
31:45Keep eating, Rodbot. We need it all cleaned up.
31:48Oh, no, look what's happened.
31:50I'll try sprinkling an awful lot of salt on top of the wine stain.
31:54It's not working. We're going to have to use Rodbot.
32:02I envisage another problem.
32:04Edith Beaumont, she was going to come around in about a minute's time
32:07because she really needed to use the toilet.
32:09Hold on a minute. There's no way Edith Beaumont can use our toilet.
32:12It's been blocked for over 70 years.
32:15It's not to me, Lloyd. Rodbot comes with a special attachment.
32:22Rodbot's got his cleaning attachment on. I'll just switch...
32:25There we are.
32:31Rodbot!
32:40Oh!
32:43You've got more talent than Rodbot has. I wanted to demonstrate to you, Lloyd.
32:46No, there's not.
32:48You'd better get ready to scarper. This is quite drastic, this one.
32:51It's the Humpbot button.
32:53Rodbot!
33:00Come back!
33:02I can't get round the desk.
33:06John, push the answer button, for God's sake!
33:09Yes, the answer is...
33:11Dr Reeve Simons from the Robotic Institute
33:14at the Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh says,
33:18yes, robots will ultimately achieve the level of intelligence
33:23and sociability that could make people want to be friends with them.
33:28Yes!
33:35I'm giving that round to Lord Prescott.
33:38He's the only one who hasn't done anything to me.
33:41That's pretty much it for tonight.
33:43So, people of Britain, if you've got a question,
33:46you can tweet hashtag ArtRod on Twitter.
33:50But for tonight, it's nice to heat his moment.
33:53Let's hear it for him.
33:55Ben Davies and Lloyd Langford.
33:58And, of course, our authenticator, Lord John Prescott.
34:03I'm Lord Prescott.
34:05You can ask me literally anything.
34:18Greg Davis must have a good agent.
34:20He's on another panel on Friday night.
34:22Would I lie to you at 9.30?
34:24Next on BBC One, Bruce Willis and Billy Bob Thornton
34:27are partners in crime in Bandits.
34:32That's pretty much it for tonight.
34:34So, people of...
34:36What was that?
34:44We just need to take this hat off.
34:46We can't hear him.
34:48Oh, well.
34:50Don't...