Ask Rhod Gilbert. S02 E05.

deaddogsmoking
deaddogsmoking
  • 2 months ago
First broadcast 19th October 2011.

Rhod Gilbert

Greg Davies
Lloyd Langford
Jo Whiley

Amanda Byram
Sarah Millican
Angela Rippon
Transcript
00:00CHEERY INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC
00:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:22Tonight on Ask Rod Gilbert, our special guests are...
00:26She's no white cat, it's Amanda Byram!
00:30And first lady of stand-up, Sarah Millican!
00:35We're here every week, it's Greg Davies!
00:41And Lloyd Langford!
00:45Ladies and gentlemen, Ask Rod Gilbert!
00:53Hello, welcome, yes, my name is Rod Gilbert
00:55and tonight my job is to find the answers to the questions
00:57that keep us all awake at night.
00:59Questions such as, should we stop publishing books
01:02until we all catch up reading the ones that are out there?
01:05I love reading, but there are just far too many books.
01:08There must be, because God has written one
01:10and most of us haven't bothered reading it yet.
01:13And we certainly don't want any more celebrity autobiographies.
01:16People are writing them before they've even had a life.
01:18Justin Bieber has got one.
01:19The only reason he needs a book at all
01:21is so he can stand on it to reach his calpol.
01:24You shouldn't be allowed to write an autobiography
01:27until you're at least 30.
01:29Nothing happens until then.
01:30Who'd want to read Jesus?
01:31My life was a carpenter and I'm at a magician.
01:37Come on, if we carry on like this,
01:40pretty soon we'll have people writing their memoirs
01:43before they're even born.
01:44What are you reading, darling?
01:45Oh, it's A Womb With A View by Harper Seven Beckham.
01:49Anyway, on with the show.
01:54In a world full of ambiguity, we need someone with credibility
01:58to help us find the answers to our questions.
02:00So as always, we begin by asking,
02:02who is tonight's authenticator?
02:04She'll need the energy and enthusiasm it took to present Come Dancing.
02:15She'll need all the class and all the refinement it took to get an OBE.
02:23Oh, it's OBE, not OB.
02:25After doing Walkman Y, she became famous for her lovely legs.
02:34That's right, tonight's authenticator is National Treasure Angela Rippon.
02:54Welcome to the show, Angela.
02:56Thank you very much indeed.
02:58You know, I read those, as I was reading those,
03:00I was thinking, blimey, that's a career.
03:02Not that it's over.
03:05But it's already been good, is what I mean.
03:07It's been 45 years long, yeah.
03:09What's been the highlight?
03:11The highlight is that after 45 years, I'm still here.
03:14I think that's the highlight.
03:16Still here, more than just still here.
03:19And how are you going to help us tonight, Angela?
03:21I am going to provide the panel with all the information that you need
03:25to answer the questions, and hopefully we'll, between us, get them right.
03:28Brilliant, thank you very much.
03:30And when I think we have an answer, I will do this.
03:36Sarah, have you been asked anything recently?
03:38Yeah, I've been asked when my DVD comes out.
03:44You did this last time.
03:47You did this last time.
03:51You did this on the last series, I remember that.
03:53I remember saying to you, what have you learnt recently?
03:55And you went, something about your upcoming tour.
03:57Yeah.
03:58I'm not an idiot.
03:59November the 21st.
04:02Is it November the 21st?
04:04Yes, it is.
04:05Oh.
04:06A week earlier, you'll be able to buy mine on the 14th, then.
04:10I've got two copies of Mrs Doubtfire, if anybody wants to buy one.
04:14Are you doing another one of your car boots?
04:18Have you learnt anything recently, Amanda?
04:20I have, Rod.
04:21Actually, I was at the Emmys last week,
04:23and I interviewed Steve, what I thought was Buscemi,
04:26and apparently it's Buscemi.
04:28I don't know who he is.
04:29Everyone does.
04:30I don't.
04:31Hey, Cornere.
04:32He's what?
04:33Cornere.
04:37It's Cornere.
04:40Do you know who he is?
04:41No.
04:42Do you know who Steve waskingi Buscemi is?
04:44No, I haven't got a clue, because I only listen to Radio 4.
04:49Let's find out who wants to know what.
04:51Who have we got?
04:52Lionel Richie.
04:53Are we fans of Lionel Richie?
04:54Yeah.
04:55No? Fine.
04:57I know we're fans of Kim Jong-un.
05:01Are you a Kim Jong-un fan?
05:02We're fans of him on this show.
05:03He's a bit of a friend of the show, actually.
05:05He does write in every week with a question.
05:06Does he?
05:07Has he ever actually made an appearance on the programme?
05:09He hasn't appeared yet,
05:10but every week he's on Twitter or Facebook or emails the questions in.
05:13Are they sensible?
05:15Are they sensible?
05:16Yeah.
05:17He's a serious man.
05:18Rod, do you enjoy poo sticks?
05:19Look.
05:26Rihanna.
05:27What does Rihanna want to know?
05:29Hi, Rod.
05:30Rihanna here.
05:31Do you like my new dance move?
05:33Well, Rihanna, I do like it, but it's not really new.
05:35We've been doing the Paula Radcliffe over here for years.
05:41Oh.
05:46Let's have our first round.
05:48The World Asks.
05:49Let's see who wants to know what.
05:52It's a skydiver in Australia.
05:55What would they like to know?
05:57Can you hear that from Australia, Rod?
05:59I've got a question for you.
06:11Oh!
06:13Can we live...
06:16Can we live without money?
06:18What do we think?
06:19I think we can.
06:20The Greeks are about to live without money, aren't they?
06:24What does it mean when they've run out of money?
06:26When they've run out of money, they've just got fatter, no?
06:28That's the answer now.
06:29Things can only get fatter.
06:36To answer the question,
06:38you would just use something else instead of money, wouldn't you?
06:41What would you fall back on?
06:42Let's say you've got a blocked toilet,
06:44the plumber comes round and fixes it,
06:45you can't give him money, what would you use?
06:47I'm really good at unblocking toilets.
06:51No, but I wouldn't call a plumber...
06:53Would you call a plumber for a blocked toilet?
06:55Yes.
06:56What?
06:59Put your nails in, get cracking.
07:01Amanda, what would you use instead of money?
07:03Let's say the pizza delivery man comes round.
07:05Well, I use the barter system.
07:07It's tit for tat, so, you know...
07:12Really? Because I've got a load of tat in my room.
07:20What would you fall back on, Lloyd?
07:22I can't imagine you've got anything to fall back on, have you?
07:26I'm all right doing massages.
07:28I'm not very skilful, but I'm enthusiastic.
07:31He gets to do the massage.
07:35So I could, like, unblock your toilet
07:37and you could give us a massage.
07:39Yeah, I'd probably want you to have a shower first.
07:45We don't really actually use money that much anymore.
07:47We use debit cards and credit cards.
07:49I mean, the last time I used actual money
07:51was for, like, a parking meter or a wishing well.
07:54The old parking meter and wishing well trick.
07:56Did you park just to put money in a wishing well?
07:59I definitely would have did.
08:01You must have needed that wish, did you, Pet?
08:04I think that would really take the romance out of a wishing well.
08:07I imagine at some point in the future
08:09you'd just swipe your card across.
08:14Have you got a fact for us? Yeah, I have.
08:16Mark Boyle is the founder of the free economy community
08:19and he has lived without money since 2008.
08:22And he survives by growing his own food,
08:24by sharing possessions and by bartering.
08:27And on his very first day of living without money,
08:30he offered 150 people a three-course meal
08:33with waste and foraged food.
08:35I'm a member of various online swapping communities.
08:41It's recycling stuff, it's giving stuff away.
08:44I've had loads of good stuff like that.
08:46So somebody advertises online and they say,
08:48I've got this, that and the other.
08:50Come round and get it and you go round and get it for free.
08:52Are they more specific in their descriptions
08:54than this, that and the other?
08:56I can give you some of the descriptions if you want, Sarah.
08:58Offered jars.
09:00Hi everybody, a bag of various sized jars go in spare.
09:03Was going to use them for jam, but I can't be bothered.
09:10Offered large bag of chargers, etc.
09:13Will make somebody a lovely Christmas present.
09:18Offered broken DVD player.
09:20Will not play, but spins the disc.
09:24Question was, can we live without money?
09:27And I asked each of you to bring something in that you could swap.
09:31So, Sarah, what have you brought in?
09:35That's the potato head.
09:38God, only in Ireland would that get an R.
09:44Lloyd, what have you got?
09:45I've got these rods.
09:46What are they?
09:53They're sunglasses to stop you being identified by the paparazzi.
10:01What have you got there, Amanda?
10:03I've got one of these little gadgets.
10:04It's not quite as good, that, to be honest.
10:05Well, not quite, which is why I would like to swap it.
10:07What have you got, Greg?
10:08I've been a bit embarrassed, actually, Rod,
10:10because I didn't know until this afternoon,
10:12I genuinely didn't know we were doing this swap item,
10:14so I just had to run around the hotel I'm staying in
10:16and bring what I can, so I've just got...
10:19Some soap there as well.
10:21That's all right.
10:22Shower cap.
10:25Light shades.
10:34Nice dressing gown. It is a nice dressing gown.
10:38Is there anything left in your hotel room?
10:53Who wants what, then?
10:54I quite like all of this, so would you, Greg,
10:56would you swap for a Mr Potato Head?
10:58I would swap for a Mr Potato Head.
11:00I would swap for a Mr Potato Head.
11:02I would swap for a Mr Potato Head.
11:04Yes, would you, Greg, would you swap for a Mr Potato Head?
11:07Yes, I would.
11:08Because I'm staying in the same hotel now,
11:10I've got two of everything.
11:13Whereas Greg is entirely alone in a bay room
11:15with one Mr Potato Head.
11:20And while we clear that little lot away,
11:22let's have another fact from Angela, please.
11:24The question was, could we live without money?
11:27Well, I think we've got someone who can give you the answer,
11:30who was on the telephone to help you,
11:33is Professor of International Economics at Nottingham University,
11:36Dr Daniel Bernhofen.
11:39Dr Bernhofen.
11:40Yes, speaking. Hello.
11:42Hello. You're on the show. Welcome to the show.
11:45Thank you.
11:46You're German?
11:47I'm German, yes. I teach at the University of Nottingham.
11:50Right. How did you end up in Nottingham?
11:52Because I like Robin Hood.
11:54LAUGHTER
11:59The question is, could we live without money?
12:02I mean, presumably there are cultures in the world
12:04that do live without money, aren't there, Professor?
12:06Yes, I think we take money for granted in our society.
12:10Sometimes it helps to look at some examples
12:12where people didn't have money,
12:14like, for instance, prisoners' camps,
12:16where people came up with cigarettes.
12:18Yes, cigarettes as a currency, you mean?
12:20Yes, as a currency, yes, as a medium of exchange.
12:22If, Professor, all money was got rid of tomorrow,
12:26if the system just totally failed and all money was worthless,
12:29what do you think would happen?
12:31Yeah, actually the system would collapse
12:33because society is quite too complex.
12:35We need a lot of transactions,
12:36and the easiest thing is just the paper money they have right now,
12:40because we probably wouldn't have enough cigarettes
12:42to sustain all the exchange that is going on.
12:44LAUGHTER
12:45To sum up, do we need money? We do?
12:47We do, yes.
12:48The economy is just too complex operating without money.
12:50OK, I'm going to take that as an answer.
12:52Thank you, Professor.
12:53OK, bye-bye. Bye-bye.
12:55APPLAUSE
13:03I don't know about you, but I am no clearer than I was a little while ago.
13:06LAUGHTER
13:08So, Skydiver, you asked could we live without money,
13:10and the answer is no, we can't, not as a society.
13:13I'm going to award that round to Greg for his bartering ability.
13:16APPLAUSE
13:20So, let's see who else has a question for us.
13:24Oh, Lord Coe. Shall we have a question from Lord Coe?
13:27Let's see what he would like to know.
13:29Rod, is it wrong to discuss a woman's nipples in front of her?
13:32LAUGHTER
13:36Oh, hang on, here's another one from Kim Jong-un.
13:39He's a good friend of the show, ladies and gentlemen, Kim Jong-un.
13:41He's constantly sending stuff in. He's very active.
13:44Rod, did you see me on our version of the Generation Game last Saturday?
13:48I managed to remember four soaps.
13:50LAUGHTER
13:55Hang on a minute, look at this. Anthony Warhol-Thompson's.
13:58LAUGHTER
14:04Let's have a question from Mr Warhol-Thompson.
14:07Rod, have you ever bashed your nuts on the rim of a bowl
14:09and then fell in a pancake mix?
14:11LAUGHTER
14:13No, I haven't, personally.
14:15Oh, what's next? Oh, it's our next round, which is a famous face asks.
14:19Let's see who we've got tonight.
14:23Doesn't look like him, but apparently that's Justin Lee Collins and Shane Ward.
14:26What would they like to know?
14:28Hi, Rod. After a long, hard day rocking out on stage,
14:32we like to kick back and contemplate the more serious questions in life.
14:36So our question to you, Rod, is,
14:38are animals in the modern world pulling their weight?
14:41Are animals in the modern world pulling their weight?
14:45Doesn't look like Justin Lee Collins, that, does it?
14:47I thought the one on the right was Jordan when I first came round.
14:50LAUGHTER
14:54They're in costume, aren't they, for the show they're doing in London at the moment.
14:57Are they? Can you see what you can find out, Angela?
14:59Are animals pulling their weight is the question.
15:01What do you think, Lloyd? I think it depends on the animal.
15:03Like, a dog, you get sniffer dogs, you get, like, guide dogs for the blind,
15:08you get, like, fire dogs.
15:11LAUGHTER
15:13Hang on a minute. Whoa, whoa.
15:15Did you run out of dogs just before the third one?
15:17LAUGHTER
15:19What's a fire dog?
15:21They put special protective boots on the dog and they...
15:24Are you making this up?
15:26LAUGHTER
15:28If there's a building that's, like, unstable because of a fire,
15:31they think, oh, we won't send any people in, we'll just send the fire dog out.
15:35He's not making it up, because after 9-11,
15:38when they were trying to get into Ground Zero,
15:41all the dogs that they sent in all had special little booties made for them
15:45so that they could walk across all that hot material.
15:48So he's absolutely right. Don't you make fun of him.
15:51LAUGHTER
15:53And they're off.
15:57Here, you can see this dog is really pulling its weight in the garden.
16:01DRUMROLL
16:05LAUGHTER
16:15The best bit about that is that little look to cameras.
16:18It's almost like he's going, yes, I am.
16:23They act as well, dogs.
16:25You're talking about acting dogs?
16:27Well-art did he send us. He was a boy, isn't he?
16:29The character. Yeah.
16:31I got a feeling that the dog playing it was a girl.
16:34Lassie was a girl?
16:36Yeah, Lassie. I know Lassie was a girl,
16:38but I never saw Lassie go to the toilet.
16:41Well, she wouldn't on camera, would she? She was a lady.
16:44No, but well-art did.
16:46Well-art did. It was a female dog, like Lassie,
16:48so he should have squatted, but he was such a good actor,
16:51like a method actor, they would cock a leg against...
16:54Absolute nonsense.
16:56They just had a bit of fishing line on the dog's leg and just...
17:02Why didn't they just get a male dog in?
17:04A male dog in just for the toilet scenes.
17:07Yeah, like a stunt dog.
17:09Sarah, I'm not sure there were that many toilet scenes, to be honest.
17:12You seem to remember them all, though.
17:15It would be amazing if Phil Mitchell was crying about his drug habit
17:18and the camera just...
17:21LAUGHTER
17:24I'm not even a boy!
17:28See, dogs do put their weight, I think.
17:30Others could be working harder.
17:32I feel a bit sorry for them, really.
17:34Horses and stuff like that are sort of obsolete now.
17:36I think horses are going to have to start developing...
17:38Horses are obsolete!
17:40Tell that to a jockey!
17:42That's just a novelty, isn't it?
17:45The Grand National would never be the same again without them, would it?
17:48I think we could be doing more with them.
17:50And one of the things I would suggest doing
17:52is getting elephants involved more.
17:55Elephants are very good at painting
17:57and they could be used in far more painting and decorating.
17:59All right.
18:01And just to prove that he is right,
18:04I think this elephant could be the next Picasso.
18:19That is pretty cool, isn't it?
18:22I think what's happened is that elephant's
18:24just got a really encouraging dad elephant
18:26that's gone,
18:28that's brilliant what you've done there, pet,
18:30when really, it's a bit shit.
18:32It is. We've all had that.
18:34Is he going to put it on his massive elephant fridge?
18:37I guess the advantage of being an elephant painter
18:40is that your pictures are going to sell for peanuts.
18:43Oh!
18:46Why not get them painting the Forth Bridge?
18:48They don't need to any more.
18:50Why not?
18:52Because they've just come out with a new paint
18:54that means that it's going to last forever and ever.
18:56That's one of the reasons why it's not a good idea
18:58for elephants to paint the Forth Bridge.
19:00The thing is, it's going to look ridiculous
19:02that I'm getting so angry,
19:04but the thing is, I know that you believe all these things,
19:06that you think that animals should be utilised in that way
19:09and we should get elephants walking up the Forth Bridge.
19:11I think as long as it's done humanely,
19:13you could easily get an elephant...
19:15How would you do that?
19:17You could get an elephant in a crane
19:19and we could train a load of cranes to fly an elephant up there.
19:22Get some of the facts.
19:24Zebras as dentists. Do you believe that?
19:27And if you don't, here's the proof.
19:29This is a shot from Zurich Zoo
19:32of a zebra cleaning a hippo's teeth.
19:34And the zebra didn't lose his head. Look at that.
19:37There's lots of examples of symbiotic relationships
19:39within nature, aren't there? Yes.
19:41My dad was in Peru and there was a...
19:43He was in the jungle.
19:45It's true! Why are you laughing?
19:47My dad was in Peru and in the jungle. He went on a tour.
19:50Are you confusing your dad with Paddington Bear?
19:53It's true. He was in Peru.
19:56He was in Peru and he was on this tour.
19:59They were showing him round, my dad,
20:01and he was on this tour in the jungle
20:03and the guy lifted up a stone or something
20:05and there was a spider and a frog that lived together.
20:10Oh, that's really sweet.
20:12And it's like that, like the...
20:14They were cohabitating.
20:16They just happened to be under the stone together.
20:18How do you know? With the two toothbrushes there?
20:21How do you know?
20:23Do you know what? Because there's lots of them.
20:25Under every stone there would be a spider and a frog
20:28living together and the spider goes out and hunts
20:31and then the frog cleans the house.
20:33What?
20:35It's true. You may scoff at him, but he's absolutely right
20:39because the frog benefits by eating small invertebrates
20:42that are attracted to prey remains that are left by the spider
20:46and the spider benefits because the frog eats ants,
20:49which is one of the major predators of spiders' eggs
20:52and they do have this wonderful symbiotic relationship.
20:54You're absolutely right.
20:56Beavers and woodpeckers, they live together.
20:59The beaver builds, like, the dam and the house
21:01and then the woodpecker does the more kind of intricate,
21:04does, like, the corving and the...
21:09Angela, are we any closer to getting an answer?
21:11Yes, indeed we are.
21:13The facts are, economically, that working animals in agriculture,
21:16zoos and aquariums across the United Kingdom and Ireland
21:19rake in around £5 billion a year for the economy,
21:23but the real money-spinner is in the pet industry,
21:26with pet owners spending an average of £14.9 billion a year
21:31and a guy called Professor David Martin suggests
21:34that the pleasure that we derive from owning pets
21:37adds value to our lives and he concludes
21:39that, yes, animals are pulling their weight
21:41because if you've really got a very faithful dog,
21:44you can't put a price on that, can you?
21:46I will take that as an answer.
21:56So, Justin and Shane, you asked,
21:57are animals in the modern world pulling their weight
21:59and the answer is, yes, they are.
22:01I'm going to award that round to Sarah.
22:08Next up, it's my quickfire round, the audience asks.
22:11I'm going to try and get through as many questions as I can
22:14before we hear this noise.
22:16Let's face the music and dance.
22:21You don't get the answer button, there's no time for that,
22:23you just get this bell.
22:25So, it's our quickfire round.
22:26Who is first? It's Sam Armstrong.
22:28What's your question, Sam?
22:29Why do men snore more than women?
22:31I tell you, I don't know, but you've got a good bit of attitude on you,
22:33look at that.
22:35What makes you think that they do?
22:37My wife told me that.
22:38How many men has she slept with to find that out?
22:45I've just stopped a bit.
22:47Lesley Dyson, where are you?
22:48Lesley Dyson, are you one of the Dysons
22:50who's made billions off the Hoover?
22:52I wish.
22:53Shane.
22:54Why do a majority of female OAPs have short, permed hair?
22:58I think it's because when they have their photo taken
23:00for their bus pass, they've got their hair permed.
23:03When they have their photo taken for their bus pass,
23:05they've got that hair, and they've got to keep it,
23:07otherwise they'll not get recognised.
23:09I'll do it, I'll do it.
23:13David Maron.
23:15What's your question, David?
23:17On average, how often does a person meet the same stranger
23:21in a lifetime?
23:22Well, just once, because it wouldn't be a stranger.
23:26No, randomly, as if you're walking down the street,
23:29you don't realise you've met the person,
23:31you've walked past them.
23:32How often could that happen to you in a lifetime?
23:34Have you noticed there's an inherent flaw in this question?
23:38How do you know, David?
23:40Nobody's going to know.
23:41If you don't recognise the person,
23:42you don't know you've passed them.
23:43How can anybody...
23:44Statistically speaking, without knowing.
23:46Statistically speaking, 12%.
23:51How did he know this?
23:54Who's next?
23:55Helen Struthers.
23:57Where are you, Helen Struthers?
23:58Hello.
23:59What's your question?
24:00What would you call the eighth dwarf?
24:03I'd call the eighth one...
24:05Stinky.
24:06Why Stinky?
24:07Because he goes with all the others, doesn't he?
24:09You know, happy, grumpy, he's got an E on the end of it.
24:11It just sort of goes, doesn't it?
24:13Yeah.
24:14And also, living with seven others,
24:15he would be after a while, wouldn't he?
24:17Why not, like, a girl's name?
24:19Why not, like, Helen?
24:24I think he should be a more modern dwarf.
24:26We've got Sneezy.
24:27Let's have Jay-Z.
24:30I'm going to go Helen.
24:35Barry, is it Donaghy, is that how you say it?
24:37Yeah.
24:38Yeah, hiya, Barry.
24:39How you doing?
24:40What's your question?
24:41What would the world be like if we could see each other's thoughts?
24:44Quite a hard question you're giving us there, Barry.
24:46What would the world be like if you could see...
24:48I think it would make people...
24:49Wouldn't it make people better?
24:51Wouldn't it make you a more, like, a good person,
24:53if you knew that somebody could read your mind?
24:55I think I'd be a nicer person.
24:57It would censor you, like censorship.
24:58I'd kill less people, you know.
25:00Where would the thoughts appear?
25:02In a little thought bubble just beside your head.
25:04I'd just wear one of those big Rastafarian hats.
25:08What, and tuck your own thoughts in your own hat?
25:12I think Sarah's right,
25:13I think it would curb your thoughts and make you a better person.
25:16That's what I think the world would be like.
25:21That, sir, meant that we were out of time,
25:23but I think we did pretty well there,
25:25and I'm going to award that round to Lloyd
25:27for his massive Rastafarian hat.
25:35Well, that's nearly all the questions we've got for this week,
25:37but there's time for one more.
25:38It is our special guest asks round,
25:40and Amanda, do you have a question for us this week?
25:43I do, Rod. I've always been curious.
25:45What is the most romantic nationality?
25:48What is the most romantic nationality?
25:51Angela, I'm going to set you off, you can see what you can find out.
25:55What do you think is the most romantic nationality?
25:58Not being biased, but I do actually think that Irishmen
26:01are the most romantic nationality.
26:08Irishmen are so romantic, even after 15 pints of Guinness,
26:12they love everyone.
26:15They do love everyone, but that's not romance.
26:18It is in Ireland.
26:20I'll tell you who isn't the most romantic nation,
26:23in my experience, are the Americans.
26:25Because when I was 17, my dad was working over in America,
26:28and I went and I ended up having a nice kiss with a young lady
26:31sitting on a field in the moonlight,
26:34and this is a quote she said to me,
26:36oh, I really like you, I really want you to be number 11.
26:43I wasn't even the one to take her into double figures.
26:47Let's have a factual answer about romance, please.
26:49Apparently, there's been some research done to find out
26:52what are the top three things that women would like men to do
26:55to prove how romantic they are.
26:57Let's let our panel guess to see if they can get
26:59any of the top three things that women...
27:01See, it's always what women want men to do.
27:03It's always what... Go on, what are the top three things...
27:06What do you think, Amanda? What do you like from a man romance-wise?
27:09Massage my feet.
27:11It's a foot massage, is that it?
27:13No.
27:14No, it's not.
27:15I think women are more practical than that.
27:17Is it take the bins out?
27:20Should be.
27:21Is the top three romantic gesture, is it there, take the bins out?
27:25No.
27:26What else? Lloyd?
27:28They're always banging on about leaving the toilet seat down.
27:32What do you think, in the top... In a poll...
27:36In a poll of romantic gestures,
27:38putting the toilet seat up or down is going to be in there?
27:41Is toilet seat down?
27:44I've never bought a woman flowers.
27:46Really? Never in my life.
27:48Really? Yeah.
27:49We were all away, I can't even remember where we were,
27:51but us three were all away, and Lloyd and I bought flowers for people,
27:55and you took a picture of some flowers in the hotel lobby
27:58and sent it to your girlfriend.
28:02Cos he was feeling guilty.
28:06Is taking a picture of some flowers and sending it to your girlfriend?
28:10What about buying flowers? Is buying flowers up there?
28:15What is up there?
28:16The sexy lingerie.
28:17Sexy lingerie, got to be.
28:20You don't like sexy lingerie being bought for you, women, do they?
28:23We do, as long as you get the size right.
28:25And as long as it's, you know, all filled in.
28:31What's the filled in bit?
28:33I didn't mean somebody else wearing it.
28:35I didn't mean somebody else trying it on.
28:38Are you talking about somebody buying you sexy underwear
28:41with another woman in it?
28:44That's really unromantic, that is.
28:46Brought to you this woman in knickers.
28:49There's woman in knickers up there.
28:53What is up there? Come on, somebody.
28:56Well, there are three of them, I'm going to give you them in reverse order.
28:59And the third one is that women would apparently love men
29:02to write a song or a poem about them.
29:05A song or a poem.
29:07What's at number two, then?
29:08At number two is...
29:10Whisk her away somewhere exciting for the weekend.
29:15There's a very thin line between whisking someone away and kidnap.
29:21The first thing that apparently people, women,
29:24would love men to do to prove they're romantic,
29:26cover her eyes and lead her to a lovely surprise.
29:31I just find it unbelievable that that's the first one,
29:33unprompted, that a woman would come out with.
29:35Have you ever been... Have you ever been...
29:37Covered your eyes and led to a lovely...
29:39Led to a lovely surprise?
29:41I've had my head put under a duvet before.
29:46Similar. It is similar.
29:48It's another Dutch oven. Yeah, a Dutch oven.
29:50And what was the lovely surprise?
29:52The lovely surprise was,
29:54oh, it smells like somebody's cooking gravy.
29:58Oh, there's no gravy.
30:00You haven't had that done to you?
30:02I have, and also I've done it.
30:08Angela, what do you think the most romantic nationality is,
30:11just personally?
30:12From personal experience, the French.
30:15Ah, do you? Mm-hm. Go on.
30:17Yeah, just because I also had a French boyfriend for many, many years
30:21who was incredibly romantic.
30:23Like, what did he do? The accent was wonderful.
30:25And one of the most romantic things we ever did was,
30:29in New York, going on July 4th,
30:32he took me on a sailing boat in the River Hudson
30:35where we had dinner on the boat and we sailed up the river
30:38and watched the fireworks as they went off on July 4th.
30:42Very romantic.
30:43Oh, he took you up the Hudson? He took me up the Hudson.
30:50I've got a way.
30:51Yes, I've got a way of working out what the most romantic nationality is.
30:55Have you? Yes, I have, everyone.
30:57So let's go to the lab.
31:06Welcome to the lab, where this week we are trying to determine
31:09which is the most romantic nationality
31:11using the most up-to-date scientific methods we could find.
31:14It's America versus Italy, representing, first up, America,
31:18please welcome Lloyd, the apocalyptic horseman of love, Langford!
31:24Representing Italy, it is Greg Salami-Davis Jr.
31:28Here he comes now, Greg!
31:31I think we can see where most of the budget went on costumes.
31:35That is what I thought was the national dress of Italy and America.
31:39Oh, did you? Yeah.
31:41Right, a massive sausage and a cowboy.
31:43Right, the aim of the game is to save our damsel in distress,
31:46Amanda Byram from certain gunging over there in her tower.
31:50Basically, Greg and Lloyd, you must compete to cross this wall of death
31:53and behind there we have Sarah Millican and Angela Rippon
31:57who are going to attempt to punch you off.
31:59Right, love contenders, are you ready? Yes! Yee-haw!
32:03OK, in that case, go!
32:05Come on, Lloyd! Save me!
32:07Our valiant hero, the love stallion!
32:12Oh, it's a superb punch from Sarah Millican there.
32:15Come on, Greg! Up you get, Sergeant Pepper Army.
32:17Come on, Greg, you can do it! Save me, please!
32:20It's your agent!
32:22Be quiet! It's your agent!
32:25That's it, Greg!
32:28Come on, you can do it!
32:34Never mind that, come on!
32:39You can do this, you're right, this is against the clock, you know.
32:42This is against the clock, come on, yeah.
32:45Come on, Lloyd, get your horses ready.
32:51I'm coming, Amanda!
32:53Come on, Amanda!
32:55As long as Angela Rippon...
32:59No, you can do it! Come on!
33:06Is that a pass or is that your act?
33:08Please, please, please!
33:14Now the Sergeant Pepper Army, or the love stallion,
33:17were able to help Amanda Byram.
33:19She inevitably gets gunged, I'm afraid.
33:24I'm happy and glad.
33:26I think we've established fairly scientifically
33:28that neither the USA nor Italy are the most romantic nation.
33:32So, Angela, it leaves us to find out who is the most romantic nation.
33:37Well, Rod, according to a survey that was held in 2009,
33:40the French are still the most romantic nation,
33:44with 32% of the vote.
33:46Italians came second with 22%,
33:49whilst in third place, the Irish, with 18!
33:53CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
33:57I will take that as an answer.
33:59Can you press the button, please, for us, Angela?
34:01And I am going to award that round to Amanda,
34:04because look at the state of her.
34:08That is pretty much it for tonight, ladies and gentlemen.
34:11So, people of Britain, if you've got a question,
34:13you can tweet hashtag AskRod on Twitter,
34:15but for tonight, it is thanks to Amanda Byram,
34:18Sarah Millican, Greg Davison, Lloyd Lampard,
34:22and, of course, our authenticator, Angela Rippon, ladies and gentlemen.
34:26I'm Rod Gilbert, and you can ask me literally anything.
34:29Good night.
34:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
34:37We have Paltrow and Kate Winslet star in film 2011.
34:41That's next here on BBC One.
34:43And the Griffins are put into a witness protection scheme
34:46and relocate to the Deep South.
34:48Uh-oh, family guy on BBC Three.
34:52CHEERING AND APPLAUSE