Taskmaster NZ S04E07
Taskmaster NZ S04E07
Category
📺
TVTranscription
00:00 ♪ ♪ ♪
00:02 - Tchou!
00:04 ♪ ♪ ♪
00:08 (rire)
00:10 ♪ ♪ ♪
00:12 - Same!
00:13 ♪ ♪ ♪
00:14 - All right!
00:15 ♪ ♪ ♪
00:16 - Hi!
00:17 - Ha!
00:18 ♪ ♪ ♪
00:22 - Wouh!
00:23 ♪ ♪ ♪
00:26 - Say cheese.
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08:44 Bon appétit.
08:45 Thank you.
08:46 Magical Mel?
08:48 Mystical.
08:49 Mystical Mel.
08:50 Thank you.
08:51 (applaudissements)
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08:54 That was brilliant.
08:55 Yeah, amazing.
08:56 Thank you.
08:57 Really?
08:58 Really?
08:59 Amazing.
09:01 Wow, I would call that half-hearted at best.
09:03 I can't wait to see your two.
09:04 (rires)
09:05 Wow.
09:06 Mystical Mel.
09:08 Wouldn't Magical Mel have been better?
09:11 J'ai pris un nom que j'avais quand j'étais enfant.
09:14 J'ai fait des magiques pour mes amis.
09:16 C'était, vous savez, "Je vais disparaître".
09:19 C'était très "merde" à l'intention.
09:20 Mais c'était...
09:22 J'ai décidé de changer de tact et de faire vraiment bien.
09:25 (rires)
09:26 C'est l'heure de nous faire disparaître.
09:28 Mais ne vous inquiétez pas, nous serons de retour dans quelques minutes.
09:30 On se revoit bientôt.
09:31 (applaudissements)
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11:16 (rires)
11:17 - The camera's over that side.
11:18 (rires)
11:19 - It's a rabbit.
11:20 (rires)
11:22 - It's terrifying.
11:23 - Could you now look up the word "magician"?
11:25 It's on, um, page 1,559, I believe?
11:30 - I don't think that's right, 'cause this is "O's".
11:33 (rires)
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12:10 - Karen, I'm not sure whether magic's all about at the end of doing a really, really lame trick
12:13 than just going, "And that's magic."
12:15 - That's what Paul Daniel said, and it worked for him.
12:18 And it worked for me when I was a new child teacher for 21 years.
12:20 Five-year-olds know nothing.
12:22 Four-year-olds, even less.
12:23 Three-year-olds, pfft, no idea.
12:25 (rires)
12:26 - I couldn't tell what was sadder, actually, your performance
12:28 or the fact that Paul had no friends at his birthday party.
12:31 (rires)
12:32 - It was accurate.
12:33 (audience groans)
12:34 No, no, I'm just... That's a joke.
12:36 I have friends.
12:37 (rires)
12:38 Chandler, Phoebe, Ross.
12:42 (rires)
12:43 (rires)
12:44 - Jai, you could really sense your feeling about magic
12:49 in that performance, I've got to say.
12:51 - Yeah.
12:52 The fact that I did such high-quality magic hurt me, in a way.
12:56 He also didn't use half of his time.
12:58 He left quite a bit.
13:00 (rires)
13:01 (rires)
13:02 - I'm ready for another amateur magician, Paul,
13:04 but no more wordplay, please.
13:06 It's too late.
13:07 Abracababa, Alakazam, it's Baba.
13:10 (rires)
13:11 - The amazing, the talented, Bobsy Wubsey!
13:15 (screams)
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13:55 Ta-da!
13:56 (cheers)
13:57 Thanks for watching Taskmaster's Toodaloo!
14:00 (cheers)
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21:27 (applaudissements)
21:28 - Hello, my Hockey My.
21:29 Welcome back to Taskmaster,
21:30 where comedians are playing table tennis
21:33 in order to get their hands
21:34 on the COVID-19 vaccine recipe.
21:36 (rires)
21:37 Paul, where were we?
21:39 - Our contestants have been tasked
21:40 with gaining one ping-pong point
21:43 against the Taskmaster's assistant,
21:45 who is me, Paul.
21:48 - We've already seen you take on Karen and Mel,
21:51 who are you competing against next, Paul?
21:52 - Hope you're a fan of R&B, Jeremy,
21:55 'cause it's time for Ray and Bubba.
21:57 (rires)
21:58 - I know you're gonna be good at this!
22:00 (crickets chirping)
22:01 - I don't like the way you're posing.
22:03 It makes it sound like you seem way too intense.
22:05 Should we have just a friendly game?
22:07 (musique)
22:08 - Hello, Ray.
22:09 - Hey, Paul. - How are you today?
22:10 - I'm good, thank you.
22:13 Oh, I'm really good.
22:15 How are you going, man?
22:16 This is all right, isn't it?
22:17 This is a little bit of fun between friends.
22:20 - Come on.
22:21 (rires)
22:22 (musique)
22:23 (clics)
22:24 - Oh, shit!
22:25 This one's cool.
22:26 - Well, it's a great shade.
22:28 (clics)
22:29 - (bleep)
22:30 (clics)
22:31 - Oh.
22:32 - You're such a big baby, bro.
22:34 - Thank you, Ray. - You're welcome.
22:36 - There, get it yourself. - Thank you.
22:38 (clics)
22:40 Oh, no.
22:41 (musique)
22:42 (clics)
22:43 (clics)
22:44 (crickets chirping)
22:45 (laughter)
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23:38 (laughter)
23:39 - You dropped your jacket. - Oh, did I? Sorry.
23:41 I'm starting to feel like maybe too many jackets.
23:44 - You're pre-mixing? - Yeah.
23:45 - Peanut butter and the jam? - Yeah.
23:47 - What does it matter? It's just you eating it.
23:49 - You're now ripping the crust off with your hands.
23:51 I feel like the quality of the sandwiches is deteriorating.
23:54 (laughter)
23:55 (laughter)
23:56 (laughter)
23:57 (laughter)
23:59 (laughter)
24:00 (laughter)
24:01 (applause)
24:02 - Oh, that feels so good.
24:04 I can't believe I did it.
24:05 (laughter)
24:07 (trumpet fanfare)
24:08 (laughter)
24:09 - I won!
24:10 (laughter)
24:11 (laughter)
24:12 I won!
24:13 (laughter)
24:14 Shame!
24:15 (laughter)
24:16 (applause)
24:17 (applause)
24:18 - Oh!
24:19 (applause)
24:21 (applause)
24:22 - There's a lot of swearing going on, Baba.
24:24 You used the F word, you called Paul an a-hole.
24:26 (laughter)
24:27 Then I heard you say, "Good heavens!"
24:29 (laughter)
24:31 (laughter)
24:32 (laughter)
24:33 (laughter)
24:34 What were the times in the end?
24:35 - So, Baba, 17 minutes 33.
24:38 (laughter)
24:39 - Shut up.
24:40 (laughter)
24:41 (laughter)
24:42 - Ray, 18 minutes 23.
24:44 (laughter)
24:45 - I mean, you weren't playing Andre Agassi or anything.
24:47 You were playing Paul.
24:48 - My dad actually went to the World Champs for table tennis.
24:51 - Did he?
24:52 - Yeah.
24:53 - And my dad went to the World Champions for peanut butter
24:55 and jelly sandwich making, so we were...
24:57 - And my dad left.
24:58 (laughter)
24:59 (laughter)
25:00 (laughter)
25:01 (laughter)
25:02 (laughter)
25:03 (laughter)
25:04 (laughter)
25:05 - It's all right, I'm healed, I'm healed.
25:08 (laughter)
25:09 - So it looks like Dai's been saved for last,
25:11 and that usually means one of two things here on Taskmaster.
25:15 He's either going to be really, really good at this
25:18 or really, really bad.
25:19 - It's the question on everyone's lips, Jeremy.
25:22 Will he be Dai-hen bad or Dai-hen good?
25:26 It's Dai-hen wood.
25:27 (laughter)
25:28 - Are you ready?
25:29 - Yeah.
25:30 (music)
25:31 (knocking)
25:32 (music)
25:33 (music)
25:34 (crowd gasping)
25:35 - So that's a point to me, correct?
25:37 - Correct.
25:38 (laughter)
25:39 (music)
25:40 (knocking)
25:42 (knocking)
25:43 (laughter)
25:44 (laughter)
25:45 (laughter)
25:46 (laughter)
25:47 - So I just got a point, eh?
25:49 So that was the task.
25:50 - Correct.
25:51 (laughter)
25:53 (laughter)
25:54 (laughter)
25:55 - Can I make you a peanut butter and jam sandwich anyway?
25:57 - That's okay.
25:58 (laughter)
25:59 (laughter)
26:00 (laughter)
26:02 (laughter)
26:03 (laughter)
26:04 (laughter)
26:05 - Thank you, Dai.
26:06 (laughter)
26:07 - Thanks.
26:08 (laughter)
26:09 (laughter)
26:10 (laughter)
26:11 (laughter)
26:12 (laughter)
26:13 (laughter)
26:14 (laughter)
26:16 (applause)
26:17 (applause)
26:18 (applause)
26:19 (applause)
26:20 (applause)
26:21 - You know, this is the fourth season of Taskmaster
26:23 and we've never seen someone so good at the task
26:25 that they're confused that they've even completed the task.
26:28 (laughter)
26:29 - Throughout my life, I've always played ping pong
26:32 in quite a highly inebriated state.
26:34 (laughter)
26:35 So when I played it sober, it was like I was in The Matrix.
26:38 (laughter)
26:39 (laughter)
26:40 - You completed the task quicker
26:43 than Ray trying to just put the rack back up.
26:46 (laughter)
26:47 (laughter)
26:48 (laughter)
26:49 (laughter)
26:50 - So how long did Dai play with you for?
26:53 - 2.1 seconds.
26:54 (laughter)
26:55 (laughter)
26:56 (applause)
26:57 - Oh, that's funny.
26:58 (applause)
26:59 - So how does that go for points then?
27:01 - So that's one point for Ray, two for Bubba,
27:03 three points for Karen, four points for Mel
27:06 and five points for Dai Henwood.
27:07 (applause)
27:08 - Well did he, well did he.
27:10 (applause)
27:11 - And for another task, Paul.
27:14 - Okay, Boomer, no cap, this task is giving lit.
27:17 It is goated with the sauce and that's on God, fam.
27:21 (laughter)
27:22 (music)
27:23 (music)
27:24 (music)
27:25 (music)
27:26 (music)
27:27 (music)
27:28 (music)
27:29 (music)
27:30 (music)
27:31 (music)
27:32 (music)
27:33 (music)
27:35 (laughter)
27:36 - Hello? - Hi.
27:37 (laughter)
27:38 - Hello?
27:39 (laughter)
27:40 (laughter)
27:41 (laughter)
27:42 (laughter)
27:43 (laughter)
27:44 - Paul, you've changed.
27:46 - G'day, I'm Dai, lovely to meet you.
27:48 - Oh, nice to meet you too.
27:50 - Who are you?
27:51 - I'm Pearl.
27:52 - Where's Paul?
27:53 - I don't know.
27:54 - Do you know what I'm supposed to do now?
27:56 - Don't you know?
27:57 - Do you know what the task is?
27:58 - Mm-hmm.
27:59 - What's the task?
28:00 - It's here.
28:01 - Oh!
28:03 (laughter)
28:04 - Thanks so much.
28:05 - You wouldn't have seen this, I've got this cool way of opening it,
28:07 like that.
28:08 (laughter)
28:10 - Oh, this is getting off to a bad start already.
28:12 Make this teenager think you're cool.
28:15 - Oh, no.
28:16 (laughter)
28:17 - You have ten minutes to talk to the teenager.
28:19 - Then ten further minutes to be cool.
28:22 - Most cool wins.
28:23 - My time starts... now.
28:26 - What do you think is cool?
28:27 - I don't know.
28:28 - Oh, that does make things difficult.
28:30 - What if I showed you my TikTok account?
28:32 - I did it for a while, I dressed up as the Prime Minister.
28:34 - Yeah, I did see that.
28:35 - You did see that? What did you think of it?
28:37 - I kinda just, like, scrolled past it.
28:39 (laughter)
28:40 - Yeah, yeah, that's real, that's great.
28:42 - Did you know I used to be a teacher? For 21 years.
28:44 - Really? That's cool.
28:46 - Is that cool?
28:47 - Oh, I didn't think that sentence through.
28:48 (laughter)
28:50 - Sure.
28:51 - Would you rate me the highest if I gave you some money?
28:52 - I'm not allowed to get bribed.
28:54 - What if some weed fell into your pocket?
28:55 (laughter)
28:56 - Would you be into that? - No.
28:57 - I'm so out of my depth, I don't know how to be cool.
29:00 - What do you like doing?
29:01 - Hanging out with my friends.
29:02 - What do you guys do together?
29:04 - Go on a bus to the mall and then, like,
29:05 go on public transport anywhere.
29:07 - OK, public transport is cool.
29:10 - Do you play Clash of Clans?
29:12 - No. - You're sick.
29:13 I've got a skux village.
29:15 (laughter)
29:18 (whistle)
29:19 (whistle)
29:21 - Hey!
29:22 - What up, Pearl?
29:23 - Hi, Paul.
29:24 - What the hell?
29:26 (laughter)
29:28 - Oh, whatever!
29:30 - Pearl, your ten minutes starts now.
29:32 (applause)
29:33 - OK.
29:34 - So stressful.
29:36 - Ray, you and Mel look genuinely freaked out.
29:39 What was the problem?
29:41 - This was the task that, after completing,
29:44 I didn't care how I went.
29:46 All I was looking forward to was watching Ray do it.
29:48 (laughter)
29:51 - I distinctly remember asking her in the room,
29:53 "What do you think about the Chilean constitutional crisis?"
29:56 (laughter)
29:58 - Baba, we need to address something here.
30:00 (laughter)
30:01 You attempted or suggested that maybe you could
30:04 place some weed in her pocket.
30:05 (laughter)
30:06 - Yeah, I shouldn't take it. She's a pussy.
30:08 (laughter)
30:10 (applause)
30:13 - OK.
30:14 I'm fascinated to know how our comedians
30:16 approached this one, Paul.
30:18 - You got it, Jeremy.
30:19 These guys understood the assignment.
30:22 It's Di and Ray.
30:24 (laughter)
30:29 - What up?
30:30 Name's Ray.
30:32 Cool Ray.
30:35 - Hey, Paul.
30:36 'Sup, pal?
30:37 (laughter)
30:39 - I'm just gonna sit here and smoke a cool cigarette,
30:44 which I do frequently.
30:46 - You do a lot of dance videos?
30:49 (laughter)
30:52 (laughter)
30:54 (coughing)
30:57 - It's smoking.
30:58 - You ever seen a grown man cartwheel?
31:00 (laughter)
31:03 Like it was nothing.
31:04 (coughing)
31:05 - Oh, are you here?
31:06 I didn't even notice.
31:07 I'm so stupid.
31:08 (coughing)
31:09 Enjoy my cigarette.
31:11 My parents probably don't even let you do this,
31:12 but, you know, I can do whatever I like.
31:14 I don't give a damn.
31:15 - You've got seven minutes and 40 seconds.
31:17 - Yeah, I know.
31:18 It feels like time's slowing down, Paul.
31:19 - Mm-hmm.
31:20 - What's stressful is I'm sort of running out
31:21 of cool things to do.
31:22 - Oh, it's getting quite hot as well, actually.
31:24 Quite close to my fingers.
31:25 (laughter)
31:26 That's good.
31:27 That's smooth.
31:28 - If I had my iPad here with Clash of Clans on it
31:32 and I played it,
31:33 you know, you don't have my village.
31:34 - I could download it.
31:35 - No, but then, no, I'd have to log in with my account
31:37 and you could muck with my village and stuff.
31:39 That's not cool.
31:40 (laughter)
31:41 (coughing)
31:42 (laughter)
31:43 - Oh, there's paper in there.
31:44 (coughing)
31:45 - So, I've got a level three barbarian.
31:49 I've got lots of archers.
31:50 I've got the skeleton guy with the bomb.
31:52 Please say this is someone coming to save me.
31:54 - Certainly.
31:55 (coughing)
31:57 I'll just put it out, maybe.
31:58 I don't feel like doing that.
31:59 Yeah, I had enough.
32:00 I had enough.
32:01 - You've got 20 seconds.
32:02 (laughter)
32:03 - I feel I went into that too early, eh?
32:05 - Five seconds.
32:06 - Great meeting you.
32:07 (laughter)
32:08 (whistle)
32:09 - Do I have to now make some kind of legal disclaimer
32:11 that smoking actually isn't cool?
32:13 Or is this actually--
32:14 - Are you worried that you made smoking seem too cool?
32:16 - Yeah, that's my fear,
32:17 and that we won't be allowed to broadcast it.
32:19 - Peace out.
32:21 - Thanks, Paul.
32:22 Thanks, Pearl.
32:23 (applause)
32:24 - Oh, my God.
32:25 I was humiliated.
32:26 - Hooray.
32:27 - Oh, that was amazing.
32:28 - It's just something in somebody's head.
32:30 - I'm so sorry.
32:31 - It's just something in some--
32:32 I think these guys have been calling me that backstage.
32:35 You know, just a name that I've--
32:38 No, you, Paul, come on.
32:39 (laughter)
32:41 - I love that it's like we're worried about the vaping crisis,
32:44 but in Ray's mind, there are kids at school smoking A4.
32:47 (laughter)
32:50 - Do I--
32:51 So, your idea of kind of cool
32:53 is some kind of Bart Simpson character
32:55 who skateboards through the middle of a situation.
32:59 (laughter)
33:00 - Yeah, but the thing is,
33:02 I had style on the skateboard.
33:05 I did a pretty skunk cartwheel.
33:08 (laughter)
33:09 - Let's take a break while I research
33:11 how to give myself partial amnesia.
33:13 Here's Samaz. See you in a moment.
33:14 (applause)
33:16 (theme music)
33:18 (applause)
33:21 (theme music)
33:24 (applause)
33:28 - Welcome back to Taskmaster.
33:29 It's lovely to have you with us.
33:30 Where are we up to, Paul?
33:31 Our comedians have been trying to get a teen
33:33 to think they're cool.
33:35 - I do not envy who has to try and be cooler
33:38 than cool Ray, I've got to say.
33:39 (laughter)
33:41 - Up next, they have over 350,000 TikTok followers
33:45 between them, and one of them doesn't have TikTok.
33:49 It's Karen and Mel.
33:51 - Yeah, so I need a whiteboard.
33:52 Just leave the-- You don't need the phone.
33:54 No phones in the classroom.
33:55 - You're banning the phone?
33:57 - Nah, I'm not banning the phone.
33:58 It would be totally uncool.
33:59 - This could be the window of our bus.
34:01 - You're going to make a bus?
34:02 - You like going on public transport?
34:04 - I'd like to say welcome to both of you.
34:06 Bill, hello.
34:08 Paul.
34:09 - Present.
34:11 - Sorry, do you have money?
34:12 - Yeah, I got my Hop Card.
34:13 - You got your Hop Card?
34:14 - Oh, no, I didn't pack it.
34:15 - You didn't pack it?
34:16 I'm a cool bus driver,
34:18 and I let people onto the bus for free.
34:20 Come on in.
34:21 I bought some snacks.
34:22 Have you had something to eat?
34:23 - I'm not hungry.
34:24 - Want some lollies?
34:26 - Okay.
34:28 - I like when the bus is, like, really crowded
34:30 because then there's so many different people,
34:32 and it's really funny sometimes
34:34 if someone gets kicked off the bus.
34:35 - Can I get, if there's any crew,
34:38 what's your favorite food?
34:40 (coughing)
34:42 Excuse me, we're in a pandemic,
34:44 and you're coughing all over these people.
34:46 You're causing a danger to everyone around you,
34:48 and I want you to get off this bus.
34:50 Get out of here.
34:51 Bus is moving.
34:52 He died.
34:53 - So I noticed when you said hello to Paul,
34:57 you did a really cool handshake thing.
34:58 - Mm-hmm.
34:59 - So I think we should just make our own handshake.
35:01 - Oh, that's good.
35:02 - How's it gonna go?
35:03 - Boom.
35:04 - That it?
35:07 - Do you like lollies?
35:08 - Yep.
35:09 - You haven't even had dinner.
35:11 We're having dessert first.
35:13 - Oh, my gosh.
35:14 Yay.
35:15 - Sometimes you think that someone's a fool.
35:17 Actually, they're really, really cool.
35:20 Turla's here.
35:21 She's learning all day.
35:22 I think she's really cool.
35:23 I don't know if she's gay.
35:25 It doesn't matter anyway.
35:26 - Oh.
35:27 There you go.
35:28 [Whistles]
35:29 - Did you enjoy that?
35:30 - Yeah.
35:31 - I'm glad.
35:32 - Karen, so you wanted a teenager to think that you were cool,
35:43 so you made yourself a teacher and sent her to school?
35:47 - She said to me that she thought her teacher was really cool,
35:49 and I said, "Oh, do you think teachers are cool?"
35:50 She said, "Yes."
35:51 So then I went with the only thing I actually know,
35:53 other than being a high-grade celebrity,
35:55 which is a teacher.
35:57 - How did you think the handshake went down?
35:59 [Laughter]
36:02 - I mean, to be fair, she wasn't the best at it.
36:04 [Laughter]
36:05 - Mel, you decided to be a cool bus driver?
36:08 [Laughter]
36:09 - No, she really threw me
36:11 because I thought I knew the youth of today,
36:14 and she was just so excited about the idea of a bus.
36:17 - I spoke to Pearl after,
36:18 and she said she found it quite weird
36:19 that Mel got so fixated on the public transport.
36:22 [Laughter]
36:25 - Everything I said, she said, "Not cool."
36:27 And then she went,
36:28 "Oh, yeah, me and my friends go on the bus to the mall."
36:31 And then the wheels on the bus and my brain started moving.
36:33 - Talking to her afterwards,
36:35 she said that the funnest part was the mall.
36:37 [Laughter]
36:42 - Okay, who's up last tonight, Paul?
36:45 - Of our contestants, she was most recently a teenager.
36:48 It's Baba.
36:49 [Laughter]
36:50 - You've been ripping up the tasks?
36:51 - Yeah, not because I'm nervous,
36:53 but because I don't care.
36:54 - You're going to have 10 minutes to try and...
36:56 - Nah.
36:57 - What, you're not going to do anything?
36:59 - Nah.
36:59 - You mentioned at least giving her some money.
37:01 - I should have taken it, and I didn't care
37:03 that she didn't take it.
37:05 What a bitch.
37:06 [Laughter]
37:07 - You just called Pearl a bitch?
37:08 [Laughter]
37:09 - Sorry, I'm so sorry.
37:11 [Laughter]
37:13 - I don't care who thinks I'm cool and who doesn't.
37:17 And to some people, that might come out as cool.
37:20 Do you think Pearl might think that's cool?
37:22 - Give a f***.
37:23 [Laughter]
37:25 - What's the click?
37:26 - I'm off, I'm out.
37:27 See how I didn't give a shit there, Pearl?
37:30 [Laughter]
37:33 - Great strategy.
37:35 - Nothing like a bit of reverse psychology.
37:37 Did you think it paid off?
37:39 - No, I didn't give a shit for real.
37:40 [Laughter]
37:42 - What's so cool about a bitch?
37:44 - And in hindsight, I'm really glad
37:46 your 12-year-old self didn't have a pistol.
37:48 [Laughter]
37:51 - Yeah, I think definitely one point for Mel on the bus.
37:54 That was just weird.
37:55 And then two points for Karen and the school.
37:58 - That was less cool than smoking a piece of paper.
38:00 [Laughter]
38:02 - If cool Ray isn't cool,
38:03 then how come everyone calls him Cool Ray?
38:05 [Laughter]
38:07 - Three points for Di.
38:09 - Cool Ray is...
38:10 [Laughter]
38:12 - I mean, I'm struggling here, right?
38:15 Look at what I'm working with.
38:17 Four points for Cool Ray.
38:18 [Laughter]
38:24 - And Bubble is genuinely cool, I give her five.
38:26 [Laughter]
38:29 - I cannot believe it.
38:31 - Now that we've locked in the youth demographic,
38:35 I think it's time to sell them some products.
38:36 More Taskmaster after this.
38:38 [Applause]
38:40 [Music]
38:45 [Music]
38:47 [Applause]
38:51 - Welcome back, it's nice to have you with us.
38:53 We're about to begin our last task of the evening,
38:55 but not before having a little squiz at the old scoreboard.
38:59 Paul, how are we looking?
39:00 - In last place is Ray with eight,
39:02 but out in first with 15, Bubba.
39:05 [Applause]
39:09 - Well, anyone can still win this,
39:12 apart from Ray.
39:13 [Laughter]
39:15 - You guys want to head to the stage for the final live task.
39:17 [Applause]
39:19 [Music]
39:22 - Karen, please take the podium to read the task.
39:25 - Select a trophy and make an acceptance speech
39:28 at the podium that includes the word written
39:30 on the bottom of your trophy.
39:31 If the Taskmaster correctly guesses your word,
39:33 you will be eliminated.
39:36 If nobody's word is guessed,
39:37 the weakest acceptance speech will be eliminated.
39:40 Speeches will get shorter with each round.
39:42 The last player standing wins.
39:45 Thank you.
39:46 - Okay, we're going to go in the reverse order
39:48 that you sit in.
39:49 [Applause]
39:52 - Oh, thank you.
39:53 It was an honor to be here at the Burger Awards
39:55 for my innovative burger made of skunks and rabbits and deer
39:59 and venison and pigs and ointment.
40:02 [Whistles]
40:04 Burger.
40:04 - My time in the circus,
40:06 I can't say it's been an easy ride.
40:09 When I got tangled up in the elephant's trunk,
40:13 when I almost died on the trapeze and on the trampoline,
40:16 that was the toughest.
40:18 - Elephant.
40:19 - Obviously, I'm excited to be here
40:21 to accept this cooking award.
40:22 The fact that I've won this award for my culinary skills
40:24 in both fettuccine, spaghetti, bolognese, lasagna,
40:28 and especially my meat sauce.
40:30 - Spaghetti.
40:31 - A lot of people out there think menstruation
40:34 and fast cars don't go together.
40:36 [Laughter]
40:38 I've loved cars from tail to snout,
40:41 from soup to nuts, from edam to cheddar.
40:44 The fact that I get to start races because...
40:47 [Whistles]
40:48 - Menstruation.
40:49 [Buzzer]
40:49 - Friends, folks, people of the land and things of the sea,
40:54 here I am with the big puffer fish.
40:56 Uh, whoa, don't become a calamari, you scallop.
40:59 [Laughter]
41:03 [Whistles]
41:04 [Laughs]
41:06 - Scallop.
41:07 [Screams]
41:08 - Bubba has been eliminated.
41:10 Ray O'Leary.
41:11 - Thank you so much for the astrological society,
41:14 as I'm a Pisces, but I'd like to shout out
41:17 to all my other star signs, Aries, Sagittarius, Gemini, Cancer.
41:22 [Whistles]
41:23 - Pisces.
41:24 - It's special to be here in Blenheim
41:25 to win my denim award for the semen that I've drunk.
41:34 [Laughter]
41:36 [Whistles]
41:37 - Semen.
41:38 [Buzzer]
41:39 - I'm so happy to be here because I won the amazing
41:41 Best Travel Show in the whole history of television.
41:43 I've been to an amazing place.
41:44 I've been to South Africa, I've been to Namibia, Zambia.
41:46 I've been to the place with the lemurs, what that's called,
41:47 that one that's had the movie Madagascar.
41:49 I've been to Tanzania and also Ghana.
41:51 They dance well over there.
41:52 - Tanzania.
41:53 [Buzzer]
41:54 - I work in a bakery in the morning,
41:55 usually doing cinnamon scrolls, all sorts of loaves.
41:59 [Whistles]
41:59 - Cinnamon scrolls.
42:00 [Buzzer]
42:01 - Taskmaster, who had the worst speech of that round?
42:03 - Die.
42:04 - Yeah.
42:05 [Laughter]
42:06 - Your speech time is now 10 seconds.
42:09 - It's an honor to be here in Blenheim,
42:10 recognized for all the semen I've drunk.
42:12 [Laughter]
42:13 I had a big sleep, a big nap before I came here
42:15 and boy are my arms tired.
42:17 And the pillow was...
42:18 [Whistles]
42:19 - Pillow.
42:20 - I know that this is a sauntering awards
42:22 for the best kind of walk.
42:24 Some people go with a jig, some people go with a skip,
42:27 but for me, it's a plot.
42:28 [Whistles]
42:29 - Jig.
42:30 - It's amazing to be here at the Trady Awards.
42:31 Obviously, I've been a trady with a lot of kitchens,
42:32 you know, it's bathrooms, it's toiling, it's grouting,
42:34 it's doing all your plumbing, anything you need,
42:36 I can do it.
42:36 I'll give you a what?
42:37 - Kitchen.
42:38 - You had the worst speech.
42:39 - Sharon.
42:40 - A what?
42:41 [Laughter]
42:42 - We're down to our final two, Ray and Melanie,
42:44 and I'm lowering the time to five seconds.
42:47 - Acquire, acquiesce, aquarium.
42:50 These are just some of the words that come to mind
42:51 as I win the best penis award.
42:54 [Laughter]
42:56 - Aquarium.
42:57 - Oh, jaff, pussyfoot,
42:59 [Laughter]
43:01 and other things that you find.
43:03 [Whistles]
43:05 - Pussyfoot.
43:06 - Yeah, I reckon, no, you're right.
43:08 [Laughter]
43:09 - That means the winner of the task is Kool Ray.
43:12 [Cheers]
43:14 - Come on down, everyone, and we'll score it.
43:17 [Applause]
43:18 [Music]
43:24 - How did everyone go, Paul?
43:25 - So, one point for Bubba, two points for Dai,
43:28 three points for Karen, four points for Mel,
43:30 and five points for Kool Ray.
43:32 [Applause]
43:35 - How's our overall series scores looking?
43:37 - It's tight. It's really tight.
43:39 In first place, by only four points,
43:42 it's Melanie Bracewell.
43:43 [Applause]
43:45 - Okay.
43:46 Well, more importantly,
43:48 who is taking home the spoils tonight?
43:51 - With 16 points, the winner of episode seven, Bubba.
43:55 [Cheers]
43:58 - Oh, my God!
44:00 - Congratulations, Bubba.
44:01 Go and enjoy your prizes and make your 12-year-old
44:04 self-proud.
44:05 [Applause]
44:10 - In the words of Shania Twain,
44:12 "It looks like you made it."
44:13 We learned that the best way to stump a comedian
44:16 is to get them to attempt a sport
44:18 or try to seem cool.
44:20 And most importantly, we learned that Bubba
44:23 is the winner of episode seven.
44:25 [Applause]
44:27 - Ka kite, everybody.
44:28 We'll see you next time.
44:29 [Music]
44:32 - Oh, my God!
44:33 [Applause]
44:34 - Oh, my God!
44:35 [Music]
44:42 - Stop looking at me!
44:44 [Laughter]
44:45 - Shit!
44:46 - It's one of the worst attempts at a task ever.
44:48 [Laughter]
44:49 - Boom time!
44:50 - Boom time!
44:51 - Boom time!
44:52 - It seemed like just a collection of crap
44:54 tied together.
44:55 - Well, I could say the same about your judging.
44:56 [Laughter]
44:57 (Rires)