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AmusantTranscription
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00:34 You know what your classic car needs to stand out at the classic car show?
00:40 Me, Spread Eagle, on your hood.
00:43 Paulin' ass, huh?
00:46 Man, get them dang old thumb prints out on them,
00:49 they talking about them nicotine stains too, man.
00:52 This car looks like it was made before 1980.
00:56 Good eye, Bobby.
00:57 When'd you become such a car nut?
00:59 Wednesday.
01:01 When I found out that cars built before 1980
01:04 are responsible for most of the pollution in the air.
01:08 Sorry, I'm going to have to write you a ticket, Mr. Brumhauer.
01:12 You have been ticketed by the Environmental Court,
01:23 Tom Landry Middle School.
01:25 What the...
01:26 I know!
01:28 You should appeal that all the way to the high school.
01:31 Joseph issued me one of those yesterday
01:34 for pouring used motor oil down the kitchen sink.
01:37 Fascist.
01:39 A de-sale in the garbage?
01:47 Oh, yes!
01:49 Mom, I'm going to have to write you up
01:51 for not taking this to an approved battery recycling center.
01:55 Two more tickets and I get an A in history.
01:59 Now what the heck does annoying your mom and Brumhauer
02:03 have to do with history?
02:05 Mr. McKay says that history is past,
02:08 but saving the earth is our present to the future.
02:13 Oh.
02:15 Bobby, I will have you know that I consider myself
02:19 to be one of the great environmentalists of my time.
02:22 I have a plastic grocery bag filled with plastic grocery bags
02:26 that I will bring back to the grocery store one day.
02:30 Sorry.
02:32 Hank, those hobos are going through our garbage again.
02:47 Oh, accidentally throw away one regulator valve,
02:51 now we're the talk of the freight yards.
02:53 Here's a phone book.
02:55 Bobby, shouldn't you be in school?
02:58 I am in school.
03:00 History with Mr. McKay.
03:04 The pizza box is recyclable,
03:06 the crust is compostable, ew,
03:08 and the cheese...
03:10 Don't get me started on the cheese.
03:13 Huh. So you're the Mr. McKay Bobby keeps talking about.
03:18 I guess I pictured a woman.
03:20 Oh, Bobby's told me a lot about you.
03:23 And how you flush your urine, whether or not you've also left feces.
03:27 What? You discussed this in school?
03:31 Look, if you care so much about the environment,
03:35 why don't you teach these kids about
03:37 clean, burning, energy-efficient propane?
03:40 Clean, burning propane?
03:43 That's funny.
03:45 See, propane grills just perpetuate the whole culture of backyard barbecues.
03:50 Plastic forks, paper plates, meat.
03:55 I've sold three grills today using those exact same words,
04:00 but with a more positive attitude.
04:05 Don't worry, I know where he lives.
04:09 There's a summons to appear in the middle school's environmental court.
04:15 You can't just put something in a mailbox without a stamp.
04:18 That's a federal offense.
04:20 Hank, it is no big deal.
04:22 I was in and out of court in five minutes.
04:25 What? You actually went?
04:27 I work at that school.
04:29 I cannot afford to have any blemishes on my record.
04:33 Oh, come on. Do it for Bobby.
04:36 Hank, this could be his first A since he was in the same math class as that Bobby Hall
04:41 and brought home the wrong report card.
04:43 [sighs]
04:45 So help me God.
04:49 Hey, this isn't the Bible. It's a Harry Potter book.
04:52 We're not allowed to bring the Bible to school.
04:56 If it pleases the court, I will show that my client, or dad,
05:01 is not a bad man, just an ignorant man.
05:06 Ah, here we go.
05:08 Ignorance, no matter how profound and pathetic, is not an excuse.
05:13 Then I would like to change my client's plea to guilty by reason of insanity.
05:19 What? I'm not insane.
05:22 You're a witness.
05:24 I'm not a lawyer. I'm just a kid.
05:30 You, sir, disgust me.
05:33 All right, that's it. I do not plead guilty.
05:37 We have a dumpster at Strickland Propane, and we fill it with garbage.
05:42 That's what it's there for. This whole thing is ridiculous.
05:46 Oh, I'll tell you what's ridiculous.
05:48 The city council is considering putting a new landfill in unincorporated Arlen.
05:53 Well, what's wrong with a new landfill? You gotta put the garbage somewhere.
05:58 If we put garbage somewhere, soon we'll be putting it everywhere.
06:02 Anybody want to sleep in a bed of yucky garbage and drink toxic waste?
06:07 No!
06:09 Come on.
06:11 McMaynorberry used the money they got burying Houston's garbage
06:15 to buy those new fire engines.
06:18 Who likes fire engines?
06:23 Dad, if they put this one in, it'll jeopardize an endangered species.
06:28 Algae Staxifolia.
06:31 Itchy algae.
06:33 Itchy algae? Sounds like good riddance to me.
06:37 Just because itchy algae isn't cuddly or good for anything,
06:42 it doesn't mean we should destroy its habitat by draining the quarry.
06:46 The quarry?
06:48 That's where they're putting the landfill.
06:52 I throw my insane client on the mercy of the court.
06:56 And after the weather, they did a story about a squirrel that water skis.
07:01 And I went to bed happy.
07:04 Hey, I just remembered that I left my workbench in your basement, Dale.
07:09 Three of us ought to be able to carry it.
07:11 You over, man?
07:12 No, no. Bill, Dale and I can handle it. Thanks anyway.
07:17 Let's go.
07:19 Bill and Dale.
07:21 Okay.
07:27 I know we agreed never to speak of this again,
07:31 but they're going to drain the quarry.
07:34 Oh, God.
07:36 But if they drain the quarry, Boom Hauer will find out what happened to--
07:40 Sally!
07:43 Sally!
07:46 No. No, no.
07:55 We agreed never to speak of that day again.
07:59 I remember. Believe me. I remember.
08:04 Oh, I wish Boom Hauer'd let us ride in his car.
08:10 How can we be wild and crazy guys if we're stuck standing around all the time?
08:17 Hey, Blady.
08:20 Let's go.
08:22 Wait a second. Kid O'Dyno-Mite has got it.
08:33 Why don't we take Boom Hauer's car for a joyride?
08:36 Joyride? That sounds fun.
08:39 And you know what would be even more fun?
08:42 If after we drive it, we fill it with gas,
08:45 so the next time Boom Hauer uses it, he's like, "How'd that happen?"
08:51 Let's go to 31 Savories and ask for 31 samples.
08:58 It's legal and there's nothing they can do about it.
09:02 Woo-hoo!
09:05 Yeah!
09:16 Bingo!
09:18 Out drive!
09:19 You can't handle a stick.
09:22 Enough!
09:26 You're disturbing the gears, Dale!
09:29 Dale, stop!
09:32 The left brake's not working!
09:38 That's the clutch! Hit the other pedal!
09:42 That was close, but I think I'm okay.
09:56 You used to say, "Living that dream."
10:01 Boom Hauer thinks some Yankees came down and stole the car,
10:15 and he's gonna go to his grave thinking that.
10:18 Boom Hauer's grave?
10:20 Are you suggesting we kill Boom Hauer?
10:24 Well, you're the boss.
10:26 We're not killing Boom Hauer.
10:29 Yeah, but when they drain that quarry,
10:31 they'll find his car with our Letterman jackets right inside,
10:35 and he'll want to kill us!
10:37 He won't find out.
10:39 Let's just say Councilman Fred Ebert owes me one.
10:43 I voted for him.
10:45 I'm leaning back towards killing him.
10:49 So you can see, Councilman Ebert,
10:52 this is a far more suitable location for a landfill than the quarry.
10:56 Nah, they're using that land to build one of those new multiplexes.
11:00 Looks like I'm gonna be out of a job soon, Hank.
11:05 What about that gray patch of land over there?
11:10 It looks pretty useless. It would be perfect.
11:14 That's the quarry.
11:19 So if you stop using newspapers,
11:22 I can give you a coupon for $20 off your first purchase of a windmill.
11:28 I'm sorry I can't help you, Bobby.
11:31 I don't use newspapers.
11:34 You can cancel my subscription.
11:36 I want to be part of the, uh, the solution.
11:40 I thought you said tree-huggers like me and Mr. McKay
11:44 were a bunch of noodle-brained communists.
11:47 No, no. No, no, no.
11:51 Heh. No.
11:53 This is great!
11:55 I'm gonna get extra credit for bringing you all on board.
11:58 We're gonna save itchy algae!
12:01 Yeah, itchy algae.
12:04 Earth first! Make Mars our bitch!
12:07 Woo-hoo!
12:09 I thought we were just having a few of your classmates over,
12:15 not a bunch of... uh, who are these people?
12:18 They're from Mr. McKay's yoga group.
12:21 Principal Moss says our class can't get grades for protesting,
12:25 so all the other kids dropped out.
12:28 But don't worry, Dad. I still care.
12:31 I even wrote a slogan. "Drain the quarry."
12:34 Dang it, Bobby. That's exactly what we don't want.
12:37 I'm not done. "Drain the quarry." You'll be sorry.
12:42 Oh! Now that is good.
12:46 This is the first time in my life
12:50 I've gotten you to change your mind about something.
12:53 Which one of my arguments did you love the most?
12:56 Um... oh, you know, spaceship, Earth,
13:01 we're all in this together,
13:04 you know, random acts of, uh, whatnot.
13:08 Who wants some of Peggy Hill's rainforest cookies?
13:12 They are made with sustainably harvested Brazil nuts.
13:15 All profits go to save the rainforest.
13:18 Mmm. Uh, are those paper plates?
13:25 Yes.
13:33 Man, today I'm gonna look like Woodstock over here.
13:37 Man, you talking about that old damn shawna not doing anything, man.
13:40 Oh, hey, Boomhauer, uh, we're just saving an endangered species.
13:45 Go away!
13:47 You know, itchy algae that might...
13:49 You heard him, Beat it!
13:51 Oh, man, now fine, man.
13:53 You know, I'll do my grocery shopping my dang self, man.
13:57 "Drain the quarry." You'll be sorry.
14:01 "Drain the quarry." You'll be sorry.
14:04 Hank Hill, Strickland Propane.
14:07 I am no stranger to city council meetings
14:11 having supported your anti-skateboarding initiative
14:15 as well as the neon sign wattage limits.
14:18 But today I present these petitions,
14:22 signed by 200 citizens against the proposed landfill.
14:27 Hank, I understand how you and a fringe minority feel,
14:31 but that quarry is a festering stinkhole
14:34 that the hobos use as a giant toilet.
14:37 We're better off without it. Let's turn trash into cash.
14:41 Their slogan's better than our slogan.
14:43 Let's put it to a vote. All in favor?
14:46 Then it's settled.
14:48 Draining of the quarry will begin tomorrow at 9 a.m.
14:51 Dad, Dad! What are we gonna do?
14:55 Don't worry, son. I'll think of something.
15:01 "Drain the quarry."
15:04 I've got it! We create three new people.
15:09 Hank Jones, Dale Smith and Bill Mnuchin.
15:13 When they find our letterman jackets in the car,
15:17 those guys take the heat.
15:19 Now we're gonna need three dead guys.
15:22 The army might have some dead guys.
15:24 Why couldn't it have been me and Boomhauer
15:27 that did something horrible to you guys?
15:30 'Cause Boomhauer's a saint.
15:33 Okay, I've got a plan that might actually work.
15:36 Dale, we're gonna need your scuba gear.
15:39 Why?
15:40 Because they can't find Boomhauer's car if it's not there.
15:45 But it is there!
15:47 Maybe we should use Dale's scuba gear to pull the car out.
15:51 Now that's a plan, Hank!
15:55 "Drain the quarry."
15:59 Piece of cake!
16:05 I found her right between my old lawnmower
16:08 and what I'm fairly certain is a genuine Egyptian sarcophagus.
16:13 Okay, Bill, crank her up.
16:15 Yep.
16:18 "Drain the quarry."
16:22 Damn it, Dale.
16:26 Strange.
16:28 Another frogman must have switched the hook after I surfaced.
16:33 But why?
16:46 Oh, my God.
16:49 Look at Boomhauer's car.
16:51 At least it won't be too hard to chop it up and bury it.
16:55 Look!
16:57 Our old ladderman's jacket.
17:00 You can still see where Dale says "towel manager."
17:08 Oh, this is nice. Very nice.
17:14 You see what Hank is doing, Darren?
17:17 He's blocking the draining equipment with a pile of debris.
17:21 He's fighting garbage with garbage.
17:24 Good work, Hank.
17:26 That's my dad!
17:28 Uh, yeah, he's... Thanks.
17:31 Okay, everybody, let's go get our chains and our bag lunches
17:34 and meet back at Hank's barricade.
17:37 I should see if my dad wants the peanut butter and lentil sandwich
17:42 or the soy eggs and soy-sage.
17:45 What are we gonna do, Hank?
17:47 If there's a protest, there will be cops,
17:49 and if there are cops, they'll try to pin it on me.
17:52 And since I did it, they will succeed.
17:54 Oh, my God, and you know he'll take us down with him.
17:57 That does sound like me, Hank.
17:59 Pull it together, guys.
18:01 I haven't spent all this time acting like an environmental nutjob
18:06 just so Boomhauer could find out we dumped his car here.
18:09 (gasps)
18:10 (groans)
18:12 Mr. McKay, may I borrow your cell phone, please?
18:19 Yeah, uh, this is unincorporated Ireland.
18:22 There might be roaming charges.
18:24 I'll pay them!
18:26 Yo.
18:32 Mr. Boomhauer, it's Bobby Hill.
18:35 I found your car, Sally.
18:37 Yeah, I think you want to get down to the quarry as fast as you can.
18:42 Oh, my God.
18:44 Man, I gotta run, man.
18:46 I'm gonna need you to get me to move the ice cream truck, man.
18:49 Kumbaya!
18:54 Kumbaya, my lord!
18:57 Kumbaya!
19:00 I can't hear you, Mr. Hill.
19:02 Uh, yeah.
19:04 Hey, you know, with all that junk sitting here,
19:08 the quarry already looks like a landfill.
19:10 Maybe I should straighten up a bit.
19:12 Bill, Dale, help me push that car into the bushes.
19:16 Too late.
19:18 Okay, everybody, link arms and form a human chain of defiance.
19:26 [Humans cheering]
19:29 Hi.
19:44 Uh, we have to get in here to drain the, uh, quarry.
19:47 Over our bloody and beaten bodies.
19:51 Oh. Oh, I see.
19:53 Well, there's a protest.
19:55 Oh, okay, okay. I hadn't heard anything about it.
19:58 You know, new girl at the office, still breaking her in.
20:01 Okay, so, uh, I guess I'll go call the cops.
20:05 Oh, no!
20:10 Boomhower, what are you doing here?
20:13 I can't believe that, but it's her, man.
20:23 I don't want to go see to heaven, man.
20:26 I don't... Oh, man.
20:28 That closure, man.
20:31 Boomhower, there's something you need to know.
20:36 I'm sorry. It was a prank that just got out of hand.
20:48 Dang old Hank.
20:50 Dang, man.
20:52 Oh, my God, it was Hank?
20:55 Boomhower, did you find any other jackets which might prove if Hank had any accomplices?
21:02 No accomplices. Hank committed this tragedy all alone.
21:11 How could you, Hank?
21:15 Man, I done been on three-facin' Hank, man.
21:18 I ain't talking about any of them little... any thing to hedge up, Bobby.
21:23 You called Boomhower on me? But why?
21:27 You acted like an environmental nutjob for a week? But why?
21:34 Bobby, you've got to believe me. I didn't mean for you to hear that.
21:41 Oh, oh, oh! It's the cops!
21:45 Careful! I've always wanted to get arrested for my principles.
21:49 Okay, everybody.
21:51 Deadweight!
21:53 Please lie on your stomach and spread your arms and legs.
21:57 Me, too? But... but... I'm not even getting extra credit anymore.
22:02 You heard me.
22:04 This is crazy. You can't arrest him.
22:07 He's just a misguided seventh grader trying to save some pond scum.
22:12 I'm the one who did something wrong.
22:14 I've always been against stealing cars and lying to my son.
22:19 And now I've done both.
22:21 If anyone should be arrested, it's me.
22:24 What do you say we go home, Bobby?
22:30 Stop resisting. Lie on your stomach.
22:32 All right, let's take him out of here.
22:35 Let's go, pal.
22:37 That's it, Dad. Deadweight!
22:41 Boomhower!
22:43 Let's go, man.
22:45 That's just great! Hank was our lift.
23:00 Hey, if you're taking Bobby, can you take us, too?
23:03 Man, I tell you what, man. You dangled the driver here, man.
23:06 He gonna tell me I need to drive it back, man.
23:08 That dangled traitor, man.
23:11 Oh, what gave us away?
23:13 Come on! Come on! Come on!
23:34 They're flooding it!
23:38 Mr. Boomhower, can I ask your advice?
23:42 Yo.
23:44 How long should we stay angry at my dad?
23:47 Well, you know, Bobby, I told him it don't take for me, man.
23:51 It don't last too short, man. It don't want to hold no grudge, man.
23:54 I told him, "You gonna let little bygones be bygones, man."
23:58 I'm up, maybe, two weeks, and then I'm probably three.
24:02 You know, Mr. Boomhower, I can see why my dad is always quoting you.
24:07 Man, if my daddy didn't do that, he quote me, god damn, man.
24:11 Maybe this don't make me a born weak.
24:14 (MUSIC)
24:18 (MUSIC)
24:22 (MUSIC)
24:26 (MUSIC)
24:29 (MUSIC)
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24:42 (MUSIC)
24:53 No, no, no.