YIvis - The king commands E5 (English subs)
Episode 5 of the comedy show with YIvis on Norwegian TV, airing in fall/ winter 2019
English subs and translation by Esther
English subs and translation by Esther
Transcript
00:23Welcome to Kongen befaler
00:25The show where our comedians will solve several
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undefined:undefinedour pool and then drank it
02:23But then we thought maybe we should catch it, so I took the hand net and wanted to try to catch the bat
02:30I managed it thus far, but I used a bit too much strength, so it got more of a tennis racket function
02:37So, it just crashed against a wall and dies momentarily – Oh, very nice – Good, nice, well done
02:50But it matches the task, it matches the task really well, it does – Applause for murder
02:55Calle – Yes? – With what have you killed? – I have killed… this I produced about 16 bodies with
03:02I brought a fully automatic, electric death chamber for mice
03:10This is a Victor Mulitkill
03:16It can kill up to 10 mice – At once? – Yes
03:22If you look here, they made two nice stairs the mice go up
03:28And you can use smear some peanut butter onto them, because that’s what mice like best
03:34Peanut butter? – Peanut butter - It’s the new cheese – It’s the new cheese, yes it’s only a myth that mice like cheese
03:39You put it up there, then the mice smell it and they go up there and then they walk across some metal plates
03:47Which are electrified? – It’s electrified – And they see and they smell the peanut butter
03:53And when they’re and their happiest, they’ll get grilled…
03:57To death and fall into a drawer, where then, nicely arranged, lay ten mice
04:07And reset
04:15Good. Bård – I brought a thing… which can go either way. It has in a way a footnote
04:23I promise that with this item I have killed something or someone,
04:30but I can’t say what/whom
04:38I took the risk of getting
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undefined:undefinedsince I have no idea what he killed with that, he didn’t tell me
06:02I would say that it’s a very strong and weak contribution I’m sitting here with
06:07What you add to the pot here is if we believe the story or not – Insofar, yes
06:13What do you think how high your credibility is? We will come back to this I think. It will be exciting to hear what you brought, Siri – No – It won’t be exciting? – No
06:21I brought a… Torky – A Torky?
06:28And jerking off jokes are obvious, but we won’t go there – Billions of lives that got lost there
06:36No, I have such a thing next to my sink in the kitchen and before I say what I killed I want to say that I like animals very much
06:45I had dogs, I had cats and other animals. I like animals very much – You HAD a cat?
06:51Had a cat? – You don’t have the cat anymore? – I haven’t killed the cat
06:56But I killed a goldfish by pressing it into the sink with a Torky for a long time
07:02Did you want to choke a goldfish? – Sick human – You wanted to drown a goldfish?
07:08I was washing the fish tank and I destroyed it and the fish was laying in the sink
07:13And I didn’t know what I should do, so instead of filling water into something else, I held it down until it stopped moving
07:20I brought… because I’m young, as you’ve said before, so I haven’t killed that much
07:28You’ll get there – You’ll get there – But I brought something which plain and simple killed my self-respect in 2018
07:40On a winter’s day
07:46And I’m a bit impressed by myself that I drank the whole box
07:50And I was told that I went into Gollum’s character on Youngstorget
07:56So, I don’t remember a lot, but I think I had a lot of fun – Have you made up your mind?
08:02I have, unfortunately, I have to say. But it’s a bit difficult, it’s a bit difficult to rank all of this
08:08I think I can’t give you any extra points because you’re a girl and you’re young
08:14But I haven’t killed – And I’m sorry that you haven’t committed a real murder yet
08:19But I think you will get there. You get the last place for the time being and you have to pull yourself together
08:24So, you can come back later and bring something you killed with. It’s not that difficult, look at the gang here, they did very well -Yes
08:32So, you get the last place, you do – That’s fine – But you can catch up during the program
08:38I’m a bit unsure, but you know what, Siri, you get the second to last, but that’s after all 2 points, right?
08:45It’s not that bad. Calle, you are on the 3rd place, Bård, you get the 2nd place and you get the 1st place because it’s the size of a bat – Then we can get up
08:55We can get up the score board. And we see right away, not surprising, that Vegard leads with 5 points
09:03Shall we continue? – Yes, can’t we do that? We can continue with the first task
09:09And that’s for the engineer within out participants – Yes, because they have to build and construct something, right?
09:17Absolutely and in addition it helps to know the meaning several kinds of words, that can help
09:24So, some here will get problems with this, in other words – Yes, shall we take a look at that? -We do that
09:45You could have cleaned before I came
09:51Eggs? – Now I’m a bit scared, let’s see – The highest tower
09:56Build the highest tower you can on this pedestal
10:00Is that a pedestal? – One of these eggs has to be on top of the tower – The tower will be measured in 20 minutes from now
10:10 A pedestal is something high, right? – Yes, I can build a tower from what I want
10:17The only thing it says is that an egg must be on top, so I don’t have to build the tower from eggs – No
10:22Then I take a trip to the garage – So, in this task
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undefined:undefinedsupposed to do with gaffer tape?
12:05A gaffer nest on top of my gaffer tree
12:13I must build myself a gaffer gaffer-holder
12:16I expect that no one doesn’t think of taping the egg
12:21If you could now give me the pillow? – Yes – And gladly an egg – At the same time as the pillow?
12:36I want to do it by myself. There
12:39This feels like an extremely good idea right now
12:51Okay, now I’ll just go up here.Like this
12:56That will be exciting, yes – I think we reached our goal
13:02Okay, now there’s some egg business up here. So, I think now we should stop while the game is good
13:10Because the game is good
13:12Time’s over – This is my castle
13:17Yes – I guess 6 – Yes – How much is it? – Not 6
13:24Can’t I know? – No
13:34You saved me
13:46Maria, this won’t be a ‘we bully Maria show’. Yes, it will be. No
13:51What I love about you is that you’re so happy even if you don’t have any reason to be
13:57It takes so little, Atle – When you managed to put 2 things on top of each other,
14:03You were pretty much already done, you enjoyed the time
14:07I put the one basket on top of something else and it made 3 centimetres difference
14:133 important centimetres- It can be 3 important centimetres – I don’t think so
14:19I can reveal that these 3 centimetres didn’t have anything to say
14:23But if it was half a metre, maybe, Maria, you had the lowest one
14:28Oh no – So far at least, with 3 metres
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undefined:undefinedexpectations. Those are ambitious comedians
18:13That have an arsenal of tricks, gimmicks and knowledge of how to entertain both high and low
18:20This must be totally fantastic. It has to – This was a cruel task – Yes, it was the worst of all
18:28Malicious – Totally fantastic is what it’ll be. Olli? – Let’s start with Maria – Lead us through this
18:34Let’s start with Maria – Why do I have to start? – Yes
18:39I will show something very impressive
18:42Once I managed to put my pants on without using my hands
18:57The last knoll is a bit…
19:03I don’t know if you like acrobatics, stripping or good speeches – Good speeches -Then I drop acrobatics and stripping – What do you like, Hilde? – Politics
19:12Politics. I was at the young conservatives’ meeting some time ago. Where are you politically, I should’ve known that maybe – Labour party – Oh, you are…
19:20If I say that I vote for the Worker’s Youth League in the elections – You can’t vote for them, they’re not a party
19:27Now I go and feel ashamed – Dear mayor, I’m here today to talk a bit about the collective work holiday
19:33Are you counting? – 3 – Are you going to sit on top, Hilde? – But during the collective holidays I thought about something
19:46Impressive – Thanks – I read a comment about the collective holiday regarding how collective it should be
19:51You can also go backwards like this
19:57O holy night, oh holy time for the world
20:09Don’t you hear what that is? – Yes, water drops. Impressive
20:15Oh holy night,
20:23you gave us your salvation
20:32Can you send messages in Morse code? – No – I can
20:42Now I’m done – Impressive – Would you like to get a hug? – Yes – Can I hug you across the table
20:49Thank you that we could share this moment together – Bye – Bye
21:10What happened?
21:12Panic! – Where should I start? Siri – Yes, I know. I don’t want to talk about it - What were you thinking?
21:18You’re starting…when you’re supposed to impress a mayor… with your speech skills
21:25The only thing a mayor does is to hold speeches – Yes – So, you want to impress with a speech?
21:32Would you try to impress Petter Northug with your skiing skills?
21:36This was actually so awkward that I have to wash my eyes in commercials
21:51Welcome back to Kongen befaler here in the
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undefined:undefinedSince it seems that you’re Lazz from Staysmann and Lazz
27:44That was funny
27:47No, it’s totally that… - I think Vegard just totally froze up there
27:52You sat like this when you were playing the piano – No, it was totally awful -No, that’s fine. That’s water under the bridge. But those aren’t the points
27:59No, the mayor will decide about them, so let me quote the mayor:
28:04The one who impressed me least was Vegard. One point
28:12Next one? – Next one
28:13Your speech was lacking enthusiasm and passion, Siri. Two points
28:18It was a bit much of your arms and legs, even if the morsing was a bit impressive. 3 points
28:25The morsing was a bit impressive. You got something for the morsing. You didn’t get anything for taking off your pants – Think about that – Unbelievable
28:34I don’t think Maria knew where to go, what she was doing or where she was, but she performed ‘Holy night’ in a way I never heard before
28:42I will never forget that. 4 points
28:46And that means…that what she said about
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undefined:undefinedword. You have one minute. Time starts now
29:41You have one minute, time starts now
29:44Yes, the participants have to say as many
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undefined:undefined- A bit better – Yes,
35:16a bit better. Maybe. But
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undefined:undefined-I didn’t see anything for 4 minutes. I was just like: Now I must eat
39:31But did you enjoy it? – Yes – But you had no idea, but your body tells you to and you went for the saw right away because you thought it might fit
39:38But it also did, it worked pretty well – Is that something intuitive, too, when there’s something with eating, you get the saw?
39:45You get your saw out? – I can cut things…but now I’m
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