Gogglebox.2013.S02 E01
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00:00Now, a party political broadcast by the Liberal Democrats.
00:04All right, let's see what this dick's got to say.
00:12Who's she?
00:13SCREAMING
00:14In Britain...
00:15What was it?
00:16A baby.
00:17..more than 20 million of us choose to spend our evenings
00:20in front of the television.
00:22SCREAMING
00:25We're going behind closed doors into living rooms across the country...
00:29You're an asshole!
00:31Oh, God!
00:32..to find out what people really thought.
00:34Yeah, very good.
00:35What a load of old shit.
00:37..about what was on in the last seven days.
00:40All about our liberty!
00:43In the week where we officially said goodbye to summer
00:46and hello to autumn, we enjoyed loads of great telly.
00:52Sharon's back on The X Factor.
00:54Oh, I'm so happy Sharon's back.
00:56She's much better than that Talisa.
00:58And it was the return of old-fashioned luxury at Downton Abbey.
01:03It's absolutely beautiful. I wonder how many windows they've got.
01:06We've got 63.
01:15I'll have the lamb one.
01:16Have a bit of kofte. You could have a bit of shish. Yeah.
01:19In South London, for the last 25 years,
01:22Sandy and Sandra have spent most nights watching telly together.
01:26She wants garlic on her lamb doner wrap.
01:33Shall we have some food? I'd like some food.
01:35Christopher and Stephen are hairdressers.
01:38I don't know if I deliver that.
01:40Stephen specialises in cutting.
01:42Chinese.
01:43And Christopher specialises in colour.
01:49Right, X Factor's on, come on.
01:51Mother!
01:52I'm going to put my make-up on so we're all ready to go out.
01:55You're going to start mulling him, is it?
01:57All right.
01:58Pete and Linda are West Ham fans.
02:01Son George split up with his girlfriend and has moved back in.
02:06These are all auditions, are they, tonight again, then?
02:09Mum!
02:10Can we watch anything but The X Factor, please?
02:13And if the Michaels look a bit tanned,
02:16it's because they've just got back from their holiday in Cyprus.
02:20So what have we got, then, X Factor?
02:40As always on The X Factor,
02:42you never know whether a contestant is going to be terrible or brilliant.
02:47Hi.
02:48What's your name?
02:49Shahzad.
02:50What's the dream?
02:51To be a pop star, biggest pop star.
02:53Good luck.
02:56Hey.
02:59Ooh.
03:03So, baby, don't worry
03:05You're my only
03:07You won't be lonely
03:09Even if the skies may fall
03:11Lean down, down
03:14Down
03:15No, no, no, no.
03:16Baby, are you down, down, down, down
03:19Out. You ain't got no X.
03:21What I don't like about this is the way they humiliate people.
03:24They don't humiliate them.
03:26They shouldn't go on the show, if that's their...
03:28The whole point is that, isn't it?
03:30They don't humiliate them.
03:31Yes, they do. It's like a Victorian freak show.
03:34My name's Patricia.
03:35The programme makers introduced us to singing couple Patricia and Dean.
03:40We've been in a relationship for a year and a half.
03:42Their journey began in the foyer.
03:45That is more beautiful than Patricia.
03:47Look.
03:49Why?
03:51Look.
03:52Why'd they do it to these people, man?
03:55First I saw Dean, I was awestruck.
03:58Was it? A love affair?
04:01CHEERING
04:03Oh, my God.
04:05I believe that he is my prince.
04:07Patricia is my princess.
04:09Aw.
04:10See, they match.
04:12See, me and you have got fat together.
04:15They wear glasses together.
04:21CHEERING
04:23No!
04:25That's enough already!
04:27Oh, good God.
04:28Why are they showing this?
04:30Oh, it's so horrible, because we've got, like, a reaction to them
04:33and we just think that they're divs.
04:36To win the X Factor, like, would be amazing.
04:38That's so bad.
04:40Because as a culture, we don't approve of PDA.
04:43What? What's PDA?
04:44As a cult, public display of affection.
04:46Oh, no, this is too much.
04:48This is where the X Factor lets itself down,
04:50because it's so contrived that they have to have people like this on.
04:54Are you madly in love?
04:55Definitely.
04:56Yes.
04:58The big question was, could they sing?
05:01Patricia, good luck to you both.
05:05I can open your eyes
05:09Take you wonder by wonder
05:13Over, sideways and under
05:16On a magic carpet ride
05:19A whole new world
05:21Don't you dare close your eyes
05:23A hundred thousand things to do
05:26No, this is not...
05:27We opened our wedding to this show!
05:29They shouldn't be putting this on.
05:31They shouldn't be putting this on.
05:34Oh, the poor bastards.
05:36Don't you dare close your eyes
05:38Oh!
05:39I can't bear to look.
05:40Another kiss is if you haven't kissed already.
05:43Oh, my God.
05:44I've come so far
05:46I can't go back to where I used to be
05:49Look at their little faces.
05:50They really believe they're good.
05:53These people cannot sing,
05:54and they just take the piss out of them.
05:56Why they put them up there
05:57when there's plenty of people out there that can sing?
05:59And they let it happen.
06:00And that's why they take the piss!
06:02Don't they do, like, an interviewing process
06:04before they even get to this TV process?
06:06So they've obviously been in, you know,
06:08done an audition, and they're like,
06:10you're fucking great, you're fucking great,
06:12yeah, we're going to put you through,
06:13we're going to put you through.
06:14No, they looked at each other and went,
06:15fucking brilliant.
06:16Get them through.
06:17We're all laughing.
06:18Yeah.
06:19You know, I can't even watch it, it's so...
06:21It's so horrible.
06:22Look.
06:23They're laughing at them.
06:25They're being laughed at.
06:27It's horrible.
06:28It's clear with your love and everything
06:30you're on another planet,
06:31but I think your brains are on another planet also.
06:34No, it's not horrible.
06:35They're being humiliated!
06:37No, they're doing it to themselves.
06:39Nobody's forcing them to do it.
06:41Nobody's paying them to do it.
06:43It's absolute garbage and I'm not watching it.
06:44Nobody's paying them to do it.
06:46So the thing is...
06:47It's dreadful humiliation for these people
06:49and I'm not even watching it.
06:50No, it's not dreadful humiliation at all.
06:52It's crap.
06:56Are you all right?
06:57It's hot.
06:58I'm alive.
07:00Later in the programme,
07:01we saw a trio of best friends audition as a group.
07:06I'm Carrie and I'm 21.
07:08I'm Hannah, I'm 17.
07:09I'm Laura and I'm 19.
07:11And we are...
07:12The Daisy Chain!
07:13What? The what?
07:14They're a daisy chain.
07:16I like daisy chains.
07:18No, we know you do, Doris.
07:20We are best friends and, like a chain,
07:23if one of the links is broken, we don't work.
07:26Please, let one of them be good, the other two crap.
07:28And the opposite, two on their own,
07:30and they'll drop them like a stone.
07:32Right now, in the name of love...
07:35I think they're fantastic at singing,
07:37but you've got to look at the aesthetics of the situation.
07:40I'll watch you walk down the street...
07:43I bet they say we'll have her, but not you.
07:46Go on, fuck them up, judges.
07:49I don't think there's an easy way to say this.
07:51Told you he's going to break the daisy chain.
07:53Go and get it, lad.
07:55Hannah, I think you have the potential to go far...
08:01..but on your own.
08:02I knew it. Split them up.
08:04The Daisy Chain, bust up.
08:06I'll be like, girls, the chain's broke, I'm off.
08:09If you were my best friend, you'd support me through whatever
08:12and you'd say you wouldn't be my best friend any more.
08:15That's so mean, I can't believe it.
08:18Mate, that girl will get removed off Facebook
08:21before they've even left the building.
08:23I've made the... Well, we've made the decision
08:26that I want to do it by myself.
08:28OK.
08:29And it's been horrible.
08:31Go for it, girl, fuck them.
08:33Cue the background music, etc, etc, etc.
08:37It's so predictable.
08:39Bring me sunshine
08:42In your smile
08:45But, like every great episode of The X Factor,
08:48it ended leaving us feeling warm and fuzzy inside.
08:53In this world where we live...
08:57Oh, aren't they lovely?
08:59Just lovely, good old girls.
09:01Oh, I'm going to cry.
09:03Don't cry, you've just put your make-up on.
09:06About the make-up, we're on again.
09:08All the while
09:11In this world where we live
09:15La-la-la, la-la-la
09:19It's one of those songs you can mumble along to
09:21and it doesn't matter.
09:23Give me sunshine, give me la-da
09:26Give me love
09:28Love. Is it love?
09:30Oh
09:34Imagine saying, at 76, I've gone on The X Factor.
09:38Yeah, don't ever do that, Mum.
09:41Yeah, mate, it's the news hour.
09:43News of misery.
09:44In Wigan, Michael, who has an NVQ in shipbuilding,
09:48watches telemost nights with his best friend Stephen.
09:52Sweet.
09:54UKIP's leader, Nigel Farage, has his big day overshadowed
09:57as one of his MEPs calls women sluts.
10:00No!
10:03I love the theme tune.
10:05Let me hear about this man, Bongo Bongo, if it's him.
10:09Go back to Bongo Bongo.
10:12Hold on.
10:13Godfrey Bloom, who's already been in trouble for saying
10:16Britain shouldn't be sending aid to Bongo Bongo Land,
10:19says he was joking when he used the term sluts.
10:22Can you believe that?
10:24He's finally got a neck and front and he's called women sluts?
10:28How come he did it in 2013?
10:31What's going on?
10:32I told you the government's going off their heads.
10:34But tonight, Godfrey Bloom has done it again.
10:37And I made a joke and said, oh, well, you're all sluts,
10:39and everybody laughed, including all the women.
10:41You're an arsehole, you dickhead.
10:43Sorry.
10:44Hold on.
10:46In the report, no-nonsense Nigel Farage
10:49said he would take action immediately.
10:52Godfrey has gone beyond the pale.
10:54He's a friend of mine, and I'm sorry to say it,
10:56but he's gone beyond the pale, and I think we have no option
10:59but to remove the whip from him.
11:01That's right.
11:02But later, in the same report,
11:04Nigel did seem to enjoy his moment in the spotlight.
11:08You could be a UKIP candidate.
11:10So could you.
11:11Yeah, but you'd make a really good candidate.
11:14And it affects everything.
11:15It affects the National Health Service.
11:17It affects our broader economy.
11:19It affects primary school places, public services, and yet...
11:23Oh!
11:25He's behind you!
11:27Oh!
11:36Right, what are you having?
11:38Erm, surprise me.
11:40Vodka Red Bull?
11:41No.
11:42Steph and Dom own a bed and breakfast in Kent
11:45and have just celebrated their 15th wedding anniversary.
11:48Red wine?
11:49No.
11:50Pastis?
11:51No.
11:52Erm...
11:54Jesus Christ, I've been here all night.
11:57Diet or full fat?
11:59Oh, God, full fat.
12:00Go on.
12:04Mum?
12:05Can I have a packet of the popcorn?
12:07Do you know what?
12:08No!
12:09Why?
12:10Because you're not.
12:11If you want something, you eat fruit now.
12:13No!
12:14I've had fruit.
12:15Josh doesn't allow cake, so I can't...
12:17I have something I'm allowed.
12:18Nicky's husband, Jonathan, is an executive chauffeur.
12:22Do you know what? You're all idiots.
12:27Thank you for that compliment.
12:29They live in North London with their two children, Amy and Josh.
12:33Josh, I can hear you eating the cake from here.
12:35Thanks.
12:37And this week, they all settle down to watch Channel 4's new Super Nanny.
12:44Professional nanny Catherine Mews has spent over 20 years
12:47helping families at the end of their tether.
12:49Oh, that's pathetic!
12:52What nanny goes on a bike like that with a basket?
12:54Mary Poppins.
12:55Especially wearing a skirt, you'll be able to see her Alan Wickers.
13:00Trained as a traditional Norland nanny,
13:02she's since developed her own three-day action plan.
13:05I think the bicycle's a big mistake.
13:08Oh, it's a gizmo. It's a gimmick.
13:11It's ridiculous.
13:12I mean, she obviously doesn't... Of course not.
13:14..cycle around the countryside.
13:16She doesn't ride with bow legs and sores.
13:19I wonder if Jo Frostwatch is there. She must be well annoyed.
13:23Parents James and Susan were at the end of their tether.
13:27Their twin boys were running rings round them.
13:30Chaos reaches a peak around bedtime with up to two hours of tantrums.
13:34It's a scenario they've faced almost every night for the last two years.
13:39Is it me, or have they got red hair?
13:41Oh, they've got red hair.
13:43Got to take that into consideration.
13:46Me, if I was doing that when I was a kid,
13:48I would have got dragged up the stage by now.
13:54We got to see how she tackled the basics.
13:57There is something I want us to talk about.
13:59OK.
14:01And...
14:03..it's that.
14:04Oh, my God!
14:05That, look, that is where they are doing their wheeze at their age,
14:08cos they obviously won't go on a toilet.
14:10But they are very hands-on parents.
14:12They are very hands-on parents.
14:14What is wrong with these parents?
14:16Why are they annoying you? Don't take it so personally.
14:19Nanny addressed the problem with a trip to the garden.
14:22We're going to find a place in the garden,
14:24and it's called Our Little Whee Tree,
14:26and we're going to do so many wheeze over it,
14:29it grows and grows and grows and grows and grows.
14:33Oh, no, that's not right.
14:37I don't get this. He's getting the wrong idea.
14:40I don't get this. He's getting them to pee on a potty,
14:43she's making them go and pee in the garden on a tree.
14:45Clever boy.
14:47Big boys live here.
14:50Yeah, everything's all right, but the whole garden stinks of piss.
14:55Wanting to further empower the three-year-old twins,
14:58the nanny handed them an eight-inch kitchen knife.
15:01Look at Daddy's eyes, they're about to pop out of his face.
15:04Right, hold it. Can I have this one?
15:07Now you have to do listening, and then I'm leaving you on your own.
15:11Hold it.
15:13Oh, give a three-year-old a knife.
15:17Up, down, up, down.
15:19That's fucking daft.
15:21That's very irresponsible.
15:23Very irresponsible.
15:26Considering he keeps smacking his brother with something,
15:29he's going to chop his head off.
15:32Well done.
15:34Oh.
15:36Oh, look, his hand's right underneath the blade.
15:38Yeah, even Mummy's...
15:40What the hell do you think you're doing?
15:42Lovely.
15:45OK, Katherine. Oh, God.
15:47You're all right, but we prefer Jo Frost.
15:49I would have her as my nanny.
15:51Sorry. I don't see any difference between the two.
15:53No, I prefer Jo. I like Jo.
15:55Jo's much nicer, she's warmer. Jo's really lovable.
15:57I think my job's done here.
16:00I don't know why she's got that suitcase.
16:02She's had the fucking same dress on for three days.
16:05Dirty bitch.
16:08June!
16:10Oh, I can't stand it. June!
16:12Shut up!
16:14Leon and wife June have lived in the same house in Liverpool
16:17for 53 years.
16:19I just could do without the shouting tonight.
16:21No, I wasn't shouting.
16:24Meet Bill and Joseph.
16:26They're really brainy.
16:28Bill was a British chess champion
16:31and Joseph is the current world Cluedo champion.
16:35It's PJ Tipsy, mate.
16:41This is Geoff and Tracey.
16:43They own a party shop in Devon.
16:45Geoff is a certified footballer.
16:48Tracey is a professional footballer.
16:51Geoff is a certified balloon bender.
16:56This week, there was one controversial news story
16:59that grabbed our attention.
17:01Should NHS staff be allowed to wear full-face veils?
17:05No.
17:12The government has called for a review
17:14of whether NHS staff in England
17:16should be allowed to wear full-face veils.
17:19Of course they shouldn't wear a bloody veil.
17:22It's ridiculous.
17:24Presumably you wouldn't object if you saw a nurse wearing a veil.
17:28No. No, I don't think I would.
17:31I think it goes deeper than just hospitals.
17:34It's much, much deeper than hospitals.
17:37You're not allowed to go into a bank wearing a motorcycle helmet?
17:40No.
17:42Ministers say that face coverings can be a barrier
17:45to communicating with patients.
17:47It's not religious. Really?
17:49It's not in the Koran. I thought it was.
17:51They should wear them. No.
17:53It's the job of the hospital to provide the best treatment it can,
17:58regardless of race, religion, anything else.
18:01Oh, I accept that. It's a difficult argument.
18:04But in theory, it shouldn't make any difference.
18:07Well, how would you feel if you went to the hospital
18:10and the doctor or the nurse was looking at you
18:13through a flipping slitty thing?
18:15If they knew what they were doing, I wouldn't care.
18:17If that lady then goes to pick up her kids at school, right?
18:22Yeah.
18:23How do the teachers know that they're giving the kids to the right person?
18:27I think it's disgraceful.
18:29What? They should wear veils at all.
18:31If it's their religion, that's fair enough.
18:33And I'm Jewish, but I think Jews with the long black ringlets
18:38and hats, they look stupid as well.
18:42Ridiculous.
18:46And Monday night, Jamie Oliver was on Channel 4
18:49with another cookery crusade.
18:52Food is my love and my passion, but it's also my business.
18:57But at the moment, watching cookery programmes isn't easy for Leon.
19:01He's been attending a slimming club for the last two months.
19:05I've lost 15 pounds now.
19:07In what, eight weeks, nine weeks?
19:09And they rang the bell last week because I'd lost 15 pounds.
19:13They rang the bell last week because I'd lost a stone.
19:17This time, Jamie's helping us to understand
19:20how we can make our food go further.
19:23With some cheeky little money-saving tips,
19:25tricks from the restaurant trade,
19:27and some of the most gorgeous recipes ever,
19:30which just so happen to be really, really cheap.
19:34Ooh.
19:35He really needs money-saving tips, doesn't he?
19:38He doesn't.
19:39No, it's not for him, it's for...
19:42He should be doing it for nothing... Yes.
19:44..and the money they make from the programme
19:46donated to starving people.
19:48Charity, yeah, you're right. Absolutely.
19:50Give it to the people in Uganda. I can't hear! Shut up!
19:53Guys, everyone deserves a beautiful roast dinner on a Sunday
19:57and there's nothing more common in love than a roast chicken.
20:00I'm an Essex boy.
20:02Come on, and you whack a bit of this in and you whack a bit of that in.
20:06I can slap him.
20:08Has he still got that shirt that he always used to wear?
20:11No, it's like a flowery one, wasn't it?
20:13Why? With big poppies on it, big red poppies.
20:15I wonder if he's still got that.
20:17He always used to wear that. Did they call the child Poppy?
20:20I don't know.
20:22The first thing Jamie showed us was how to cook a chicken.
20:26And then I'm going to give you loads of ideas for leftovers
20:29and it's those leftovers that are going to help you save loads of money.
20:33Look how small that chicken is.
20:35Look at it, it's tiny. That would feed... You'd eat that whole chicken.
20:39Look at it. How much chicken would we have left over, though,
20:42from a chicken that size if the four of us were eating?
20:44We wouldn't have anything.
20:46These programmes like this, when you cook traditional food like that,
20:49always makes me hungry.
20:51Simmer to the consistency you like and then sieve that gravy into a jug.
20:54Rather sweet.
20:57I love the chicken skin.
21:00A fantastic roast dinner for four and only £1.83.
21:03It's not fair watching this. You'd love that, wouldn't you?
21:06I'd eat it all.
21:08I'm serving a little less meat, but with all these incredible veggies...
21:11You're never going to go hungry.
21:13I'm hungry.
21:15Half of the chicken left to make a brand-new meal.
21:17It's one of those recipes that just goes out like that.
21:19Dumplings are a cheap and delicious addition to any stew.
21:22I'm using butter rather than suet.
21:25I love dumplings.
21:27I can't do dumplings.
21:29You've got to do it...
21:31You can't...
21:33You've got to do it with a light finger. I like them.
21:36Happy days.
21:38The dumplings are so light.
21:40Oh, it's making me hungry, June.
21:45It's painful watching this.
21:48This delicious stew is absolutely plenty for four.
21:51And at £1.88 a portion, what's not to like?
21:55You know, there was a lot of great food there.
21:57Absolutely.
21:59But painful if you're on a diet.
22:01Go and get me a pot noodle.
22:08Now, a party political broadcast by the Liberal Democrats.
22:11Oh, bollocks, look, it's one of these party political broadcasts.
22:14Oh, shut up. No, they're hysterical.
22:16Liberal Democrats believe that everyone,
22:18whatever your background, wherever you live...
22:20Right, let's see what this dick's got to say.
22:23Oh, my God, they're so annoying.
22:26It's so irrelevant to our lives.
22:28And to build a fairer society, we need a stronger economy too.
22:32Oh, it's hysterical. He's got such a weak chin.
22:36Isn't he? Fairer society, no such thing.
22:38He looks like he's got bad breath as well.
22:40No top lip.
22:42No lips at all.
22:44Nick Clegg, in my eyes, and what I've picked up,
22:47he's dealing with the education, he's dealing with the crime,
22:50he's kind of dealing with England.
22:52He's a trier. He's a trier. He's a dickhead trier.
22:55Our top priority has been to cut income tax
22:58for millions of working people.
23:00Nick said that since he became Deputy Prime Minister,
23:03working families were paying £600 less tax.
23:06More of your own money, in your pocket, every month.
23:09£600 a year for 24 million working people so far.
23:13How would you use an extra £600 a year?
23:15Two pairs of shoes, darling.
23:18How would you use yours?
23:20I'd go on holiday.
23:22I don't really want to be preached to
23:25by a multi-millionaire private school kid,
23:28thank you very much,
23:30who's going to give us the crumbs off his table to the tune of £600.
23:34That's pathetic, isn't it?
23:36The rising living cost has been much more than £600.
23:39I was going to say, yeah, you know, £600 a year is going to go a long way.
23:43Really, is that useful?
23:45Am I going to literally look at that and go,
23:47yes, I want £600, I'm going to vote for them?
23:50Well, there's an awful lot of people that might just go...
23:54£600 over a year? Yeah.
23:57£600, £12 a week.
23:59The best thing they can say is,
24:01we'll give you £600 if you vote for us.
24:03Unless he actually knows that you're getting £600 in a cheque,
24:06in the beginning.
24:08That's them old people's heating been along.
24:10Over the course of, say, a year, I would put it towards my savings
24:14and eventually, you know, went to buy property at some point.
24:18Save up to buy a house?!
24:20Oh, do me a favour.
24:22Liberal Democrats have cut taxes for millions of working people.
24:25I'm still no wiser at what I'm supposed to do.
24:27He's just banging on about this £600 billion quid.
24:30How's he going to do it?
24:32Where's he going to get the money from and all that crap?
24:35They're trying to bribe the working class,
24:37the low-income people, to get the vote.
24:40The Conservatives on their own can't be relied upon to make society fairer.
24:44No, I agree with that.
24:46And Labour certainly can't be relied upon to build a stronger economy.
24:49I agree with that.
24:51Only the Liberal Democrats can build a stronger economy
24:54and a fairer society.
24:56No, I don't agree with that.
24:58Enabling everyone to get on in life.
25:00That was a party political broadcast by...
25:03Imagine that lily-livered little bloody thing running the country.
25:08Ooh, Syria! Ooh!
25:10You know, he wouldn't even have looked at it.
25:19More.
25:25No!
25:26Louis!
25:28Oh, my God. I can't watch a cookery programme without eating.
25:31Was that British Bake Off? Yeah.
25:33Last night, six million of us
25:35watched the nation's favourite competitive baking show.
25:42It makes you so hungry watching this, though.
25:45It doesn't make me want to get up and bake, I must be honest.
25:48I'm like, no, some other fucker can do it.
25:51Round one was the tea loaf challenge.
25:55Competitor Howard works for the council in Sheffield.
25:59He may not be a natural baker, but he is determined.
26:04I'm just putting my family and friends through the mill at the moment.
26:08I like him.
26:10Even though he hasn't got a chin.
26:12It's been causing such a lot of stress for them.
26:15This week, Howard brought a strange new ingredient from home.
26:19Howard's tea loaf features a controversial ingredient
26:22which has never before appeared on the Bake Off.
26:25I've just put the ordinary bread flour in
26:27and I'm now adding some hemp flour.
26:30Look.
26:31I know nothing about hemp. Is it a grass?
26:34It is.
26:36Is that dope?
26:38Let's just say this is the legal side of hemp.
26:41She said legal side, that marijuana.
26:44It's a drug, I told you it was a drug.
26:46No, she said it's legal.
26:48It's making, what do you call them, cakes? Hash cake.
26:51I'm using some hemp oil as well.
26:53Don't lie, it's a hash cake.
26:55And it's very, very good for you, you've got loads of omega-3.
26:59The seeds here, but the leaf is...
27:01The leaf is naughty cigarettes, Mary.
27:03Here you go. The leaf is naughty cigarettes.
27:05No, no, no. Yeah, she's just told her.
27:07Yeah, but she's actually wrong.
27:09Hemp is the same family.
27:11You've got to grow it under licence and they protect it
27:14because everybody nicks it thinking it's the real McCoy.
27:17It's not.
27:18How do you know so much about this?
27:21Because I used to live not far from a hemp farm.
27:25The next challenge was for the bakers
27:28to try to emulate Paul's sticky ring.
27:32An old favourite, Mary. Apricot currant.
27:35It looks absolutely beautiful.
27:37Would you like to try some, Mary? I would.
27:40It's absolutely delicious.
27:42I hope they don't mess up my recipe.
27:44Oh, there he is. Look at him.
27:46It's our one, the man that bakes the bread.
27:48Remember the one? Oh, the one that does it all sexy? Yeah.
27:51Yeah, I remember him. Yes, thank you.
27:53Do you like Paul Hollywood or not?
27:55Yeah. Why?
27:57I don't know.
27:59Have you told them how long to bake it or is that up to them?
28:02No, it's entirely up to them.
28:04You're very cool. Oh, yes.
28:09Bakers, you've got one minute left on your buns.
28:12In the third and final challenge...
28:16..Baker Glenn managed to cock up his cannibal ring.
28:19Cock up his cannibal ring.
28:21I think they've overcooked.
28:27Oh, no, that was a crappy thing.
28:30Oh!
28:32Disaster!
28:36Sorry.
28:38OK, stepping up.
28:40Bakers, that's it. Time is literally up.
28:43Oh, bliss.
28:46Sadly, this is something that really hasn't worked.
28:49Oh, Glenn!
28:52Like every episode of Bake Off, somebody had to go.
28:56Oh! Oh!
28:58And this week, it was between Howard...
29:03..and Glenn.
29:05The tension mounted.
29:07Overtires. Overtires, yeah.
29:11Still going.
29:13Please don't cry. Please don't cry.
29:16I was going to cry. He thinks he's going to leave.
29:19Oh, the pressure. It's a cooking programme.
29:22But it's pressure. It's a man and a cooking programme.
29:25But it's pressure.
29:27Oh, bless him.
29:29I'm afraid the person that we will be saying goodbye to is...
29:34In fact, one of the old men.
29:37Oh, it's torturous.
29:42The fat one. I shouldn't say fat.
29:47Howard.
29:49I told you!
29:51The old man.
29:53Oh! Howie!
29:56Oh!
29:58Deep breath.
30:01Ooh, that's nice.
30:05Oh, I see.
30:09June? Yeah, come in.
30:11Are you having a cracker? No.
30:13Nor me.
30:15I'm going to have a glass of wine, then.
30:17Go on, then. Queen Bee!
30:19Yes?
30:20Downton Abbey's on!
30:22On Sunday evening, more than nine million of us
30:25settled down to watch the much-anticipated
30:28return of ITV period drama Downton Abbey.
30:32I love the music.
30:34Just hearing the music and I get all goosebumps
30:37and all my hairs go up on my neck cos it's just like...
30:40You know.
30:48Is Robert still in it?
30:50I don't know.
30:52Oh.
30:54From Coronation Street.
30:56And he was in the quarry, too.
30:58He was in the quarry. He was in the yard.
31:00He was in the quarry. Oh, yeah.
31:02I'll put it back over to you.
31:04Oh, you know what it is? Mosquito.
31:06Oh, for God's sake! It's a mosquito. Is it?
31:08Yeah. Don't hit him on me.
31:10Don't hit him on me!
31:20Who's she?
31:22Oh, that's, um...
31:24Who's she, Sam?
31:26Matthew was her husband and he was killed on the road.
31:29The new series picked up six months after Lady Mary's husband,
31:33cousin Matthew, was tragically killed in a road accident,
31:37leaving her a single mum.
31:40She's in love with being in mourning.
31:45Have you ever thought it would be like what it's like
31:47to lose your husband or wife?
31:49No. Yes, I know, but she's not bothering with her baby.
31:52I'm taking Master George out for some air, m'lady,
31:55and I wondered if you'd like to come with us.
31:57I don't think so.
31:59Post-natal depression, post-dead-husband depression.
32:01Totally.
32:02Whereas I'd be having a party, wouldn't I?
32:05This mousse is delicious, Carson.
32:08Was it the work of Mrs Patmore?
32:10I like the way they stood behind them.
32:12Mm.
32:14While they ate.
32:16You want some water? A drop.
32:18OK.
32:21Just a drop.
32:23OK. OK.
32:25Matthew was dead 50 years before his time.
32:28Isn't that enough for me to deal with?
32:31Oh! Oh!
32:33Oh!
32:34Lady Mary was in a wry old state
32:37and there was only one person who could console her.
32:41Dame Maggie, don't we love her?
32:43She's good, Maggie Smith.
32:45I can't remember some of the shows that she's done.
32:48I can't remember, but I know her.
32:50My dear, I'm not really very interested
32:53in whether you behave badly or well.
32:55Harry Potter!
32:57That's what she was in. I love that.
32:59She's so imperious and, you know, what I say goes.
33:03Maggie Smith was born in 34.
33:0534, there we go, she's 79.
33:07Oh, you're quick. I know, I'm good at maths.
33:09I'm not your governess.
33:12I'm your grandmother.
33:14And the difference is...
33:16I love you.
33:19I love you.
33:21You can write the script!
33:25Of course you do.
33:28I'm sorry.
33:30She's so bloody dramatic.
33:32And angry.
33:33All the time.
33:35You must choose.
33:38Either death or life.
33:42And you think I should choose life?
33:45Oh...
33:49It's that beautiful scene.
33:51The feature-length episode culminated in an emotional climax
33:56as Lady Mary realised she needed to move on with her life.
34:00But I think you know why I've come.
34:02To show you my incredibly short arms.
34:05THEY LAUGH
34:08Look! My arms and elbows are falling off.
34:13I've spent too long in the land of the dead.
34:17We were very fond of Mr Crawley, you know, my lady.
34:26I feel so sorry. Why is she crying?
34:28Because Maggie's died.
34:30Because her husband's dead, you idiot.
34:32Is she not over it?
34:34You were strong enough.
34:36I'm not over it.
34:38I'm not over it.
34:40I'm not over it.
34:41You were strong enough for the task.
34:44But am I, Garson?
34:46Oh, June.
34:48She lost weight.
34:55We'll get you some new arms in the morning.
35:02Yeah, very good.
35:04Yes, it was excellent.
35:10What a load of old shit.
35:16Turn the awesome up to 11 on Friday,
35:18protecting the ordinary from the extraordinary.
35:21They're the agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.
35:23It's brand new to four at eight.
35:25And on Sunday, what was the best thing of your 90s?
35:28Jimmy Carr's the Mac Daddy,
35:30back with a shiny new Big Fat Quiz of the 90s at nine.
35:33Experiencing a north-east night out next, though.
35:36With the bouncers.