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00:00What the hell?
00:12Emergency preparedness drill.
00:14Oh, no, come on.
00:16You know how it works.
00:17Once a quarter, keep our readiness up.
00:19Now, rise and shine, sleepyhead.
00:21Half the town is probably dead.
00:25I have to get a lock for my door.
00:28I think you'll like the drill tonight.
00:30I've tried to make it fun.
00:31Each of these cards contains a detailed scenario of a
00:35possible apocalyptic event, everything from wildfires to a
00:39surprise invasion by Canada.
00:42Pick a catastrophe, any catastrophe.
00:46Sheldon, Canada is not going to invade California.
00:51You really?
00:51You think those hippies in Washington and
00:53Oregon can stop them?
00:56Fine.
00:59All righty.
01:00An 8.2 magnitude earthquake devastates Pasadena, reducing
01:04mighty edifices to dust, engulfing the city in flames.
01:08The streets flow with blood and echo with the
01:10cries of the wounded.
01:11Oh, excellent choice.
01:13Now, put on your hard hat and safety vest.
01:15Oh, fun.
01:17I get to spend another night in front of our apartment
01:19dressed like one of the village people.
01:23You make that joke every three months.
01:25I still don't get it.
01:26Leonard, wait.
01:28What are you doing?
01:29I don't know.
01:29What am I doing?
01:31Look around you.
01:32There's hypothetical broken glass everywhere.
01:37Really?
01:37You're going to face Armageddon without your
01:39orthotics?
01:40I know, your choice.
01:43Uh-oh, hypothetical aftershock.
01:47And that's why we wear hard hats.
01:49OK, baby doll pink, let's see if you can cover up the fact
01:52that I got my dad's feet.
01:55Two degrees, Sheldon.
01:56I just want to turn up the thermostat two degrees.
01:58Let me point out that two degrees can be the difference
02:01between water and steam.
02:03Yes, if we lived in a tea kettle.
02:05This is the temperature you agreed to in the
02:07roommate agreement.
02:08Oh, screw the roommate agreement.
02:10No, you don't screw the roommate agreement.
02:12The roommate agreement screws you.
02:16You know what?
02:16Go to hell and set their thermostat.
02:18I don't have to go to hell.
02:20At 73 degrees, I'm there already.
02:22Who is it?
02:26Leonard.
02:26Hang on.
02:34Can I sleep on your couch tonight?
02:36Uh, well, you can try, but the people across the hall are
02:38being very noisy.
02:40Heard that, huh?
02:41Apparently the one fella tried to adjust the thermostat,
02:44then the other fellow went bat crap crazy.
02:47So you agree he's nuts?
02:49Well, not as nuts as the guy who chooses to live with him.
02:52Believe it or not, he was worse when I met him.
02:55Oh, I do not believe that.
03:05What is going on here?
03:08Hey, Sheldon, this is Howard and Raj.
03:10They work at the university, too.
03:11Hey.
03:12Hey.
03:12I'll get to you later.
03:15What are you sitting on?
03:18What are you sitting on?
03:20I can't speak for these guys, but I'm sitting on my tushy.
03:24It's a joke.
03:26Not a good idea.
03:28Tushy is buttocks, right?
03:29Right.
03:30Hilarious.
03:33Explain the couch.
03:34Uh, well, there were some people on the first floor
03:36moving out, and they sold it to me for $100.
03:38Howard and Raj helped me bring it up.
03:39But what's wrong with the furniture we have?
03:43They're lawn chairs.
03:46And there was no place for company.
03:48Did it occur to you that was by design?
03:51According to the roommate agreement,
03:53I'm entitled to allocate 50% of the cubic footage
03:55of the common areas.
03:57But you didn't notify me by email,
03:58so this is still a breach.
04:01I did notify you.
04:03Oh, you did, did you?
04:16I'm a rat hoisted by my own spam filter.
04:27What am I doing in your spam folder?
04:28I put you there after you forwarded me
04:30a picture of a cat playing the piano entitled,
04:32This is Funny.
04:36Leonard, are you in the shower?
04:37I can't hear you.
04:38I'm in the shower.
04:41I asked if you were in the shower, but that's moved now.
04:45What?
04:46Moved.
04:47Rendered unimportant by recent events.
04:50I can't hear you.
04:51I'm in the shower.
04:53I have to skip the chit chat.
04:55Emergency.
04:57What kind of emergency?
04:58Mathematical.
04:5932 ounce banana smoothie, 16 ounce bladder.
05:04You might not want to do that.
05:05Why, sure you, I do.
05:08Sheldon, I'm not alone in here.
05:10What?
05:13Hello, Sheldon.
05:15What are you doing in there?
05:16She can't be in here.
05:18We were in here first.
05:19You can't be in here.
05:20According to the roommate agreement,
05:21paragraph nine, subsection B, the right to bathroom privacy
05:25is suspended in the event of force majeure.
05:27And believe me, I'm experiencing a very majeure force.
05:33Come on, you can't wait two minutes.
05:35Leonard, let the man be.
05:37Penny.
05:38Penny.
05:39Penny.
05:40What?
05:41Move.
05:42Move.
05:43Move.
05:46Now that everything's out on the table,
05:48you think you two will keep living together?
05:52Despite recent events, I do consider
05:55our experiment in cohabitation to have been positive.
05:59Are you saying you'd like to live with me?
06:03Are you saying you'd like to live with me?
06:06I'm open to the possibility.
06:09Amy, but be Kabul.
06:12Whatever.
06:16You know, if he moves across the hall for good,
06:18Leonard could keep the stuff you don't like
06:20in Sheldon's old room.
06:21Solves everything.
06:22That's a great idea.
06:23Ooh, maybe I could turn it into a gaming den.
06:25That would be amazing.
06:26What?
06:27Excuse me?
06:28That's my room.
06:29But you won't be living here.
06:31But that's my room.
06:32But you won't be living here.
06:33But that's my room.
06:34You guys might want to start eating.
06:35But you won't be living here.
06:38Sweetie, once you stop paying rent,
06:39none of this is really yours.
06:41But that's my room.
06:42But you won't be living here.
06:45I appreciate your interest in the apartment.
06:48I just need to ask you a few standard questions.
06:50Sure.
06:51It says here you're a chemist.
06:53Which element on the periodic table
06:55do you feel is too big for its britches?
07:00Is that supposed to be a joke?
07:03Looks like argon's not the only one
07:05with an attitude problem.
07:08In general, would you say that you smell better,
07:11worse, or the same as you do right now?
07:17I was going to ask you what is the best fruit,
07:20but then I realized what I want to ask you is
07:22why is there a Band-Aid on your forearm?
07:24But then I realized what I really want to ask you is
07:26can you just go?
07:31You're healthy.
07:32You have a job in the sciences.
07:34I've got to say, if this credit report comes back good,
07:36you're the front runner.
07:44Why did you get a party sub?
07:46People are coming over.
07:47It looks fun.
07:48We're only watching Game of Thrones.
07:50A party sub implies it's a party.
07:53Our attendance implies it's not.
07:57I like a party as much as the next man,
07:59as long as the next man doesn't like a party.
08:02Oh, by the way, don't forget,
08:03tomorrow is our quarterly roommate agreement meeting.
08:06Sheldon, we don't need a meeting every three months.
08:08Well, it sounds like the kind of thing
08:09one would bring up at a quarterly
08:10roommate agreement meeting.
08:13Lucky for you, it's tomorrow.
08:16You know what? I'm not going.
08:18Well, you have to go.
08:20This seems first time leading the Pledge of Allegiance.
08:24This meeting is a waste of time.
08:26Whether we make the switch from
08:27Post Raisin Bran to Kellogg's Raisin Bran
08:29should not require parliamentary procedure.
08:32You realize one of them has sugar on the raisins.
08:36You're the only one who eats them.
08:39And yet you get to weigh in.
08:40Democracy. It's pretty cool, isn't it?
08:43I'm not going. You can't make me.
08:45Well, we'll just see about that.
08:47What is the problem?
08:48He says he's not coming to the
08:49roommate agreement meeting tomorrow.
08:51Why the hell did I memorize the pledge?
08:55You have fun. I will not be attending.
08:57Fine. We don't have to have a
08:58roommate agreement meeting if you don't want to.
09:01Of course, this will require a vote.
09:02Unfortunately, my official gavel is in my bedroom.
09:05But luckily, I have my travel gavel.
09:10You're being ridiculous.
09:12There's a motion on the floor. I'm ridiculous.
09:14Do we have a second?
09:15There is no second. The motion is denied.
09:17Next time, make sure you have the votes first.
09:18That was embarrassing.
09:22Can you please talk to him?
09:23Why are you fighting him on this?
09:25Because I am tired of him always getting his way.
09:27We don't need a stupid meeting.
09:29We don't even need a roommate agreement.
09:30And I hope that sandwich does cause a party.
09:34Well, I will still come to your meeting.
09:36I should hope so. Tomorrow's picture day.
09:40Why are you taking his side?
09:42Because it's important to him.
09:43And when we signed the roommate agreement,
09:44we made a deal.
09:45If you keep talking like that, you're going to make Color Guard.
09:49All of this could be avoided if you'd just come to the meeting.
09:52I don't want to.
09:53Oh, it's just a meeting. One simple meeting.
09:56Stop saying meeting.
09:57Meeting, meeting, bo-beating, banana, fanta, graffiti.
09:59I'm a meeting.
10:01I brought my famous spinach dip.
10:02Amy, just one second. Meeting.
10:10What's going on with him?
10:12Oh, he's all bent out of shape about having a roommate agreement meeting.
10:16Apparently, perfect attendance isn't cool anymore.
10:20Don't worry. He'll come around.
10:22I get why he's annoyed.
10:24Oh, then you don't understand what's happening.
10:26See, Leonard refused to participate in a mandatory quarterly roommate agreement meeting.
10:31This is what a generation raised on Bart Simpson looks like.
10:36You love the Simpsons.
10:37I love Lisa Simpson.
10:43Well, I know how he feels. I never enjoyed our relationship agreement meetings.
10:47Wait. You were pretending?
10:51Sorry.
10:52No. I don't believe you. I could tell.
11:01Oh, Sheldon. I never thought refiling a matter in a standing subcommittee could be so fascinating.
11:12Hmm. What do you think?
11:15You don't know?
11:20You know, I like the way my hair looks. I'm done tiptoeing around him.
11:24Well, we're all guilty of it.
11:26But why?
11:27Because we were afraid to upset him.
11:29Which happens anyway.
11:30Well, that's over.
11:31I'm done enabling him.
11:33Like, this is his spot.
11:35And the thermostat has to be set to his comfort level, even though he doesn't even live here anymore.
11:40And I'm always chilly.
11:45Is that why you wear a hoodie all the time?
11:49Yes.
11:52To accommodate Sheldon.
11:54And what about this thing?
11:56Why is it here? I'll tell you why.
11:57Because it was here when I moved in, and for no earthly reason, he forbade me to touch it.
12:03Well, if you don't like it, get rid of it. And put it in the closet.
12:08You know what? I will.
12:19I bet that's the reason.
12:24Come on, dude. I'm exhausted.
12:26And Tara Bank says the most important item in your makeup bag is a good night's sleep.
12:34All right.
12:36This is a form indemnifying me from your use of Leonard's bedroom.
12:43Sign here indicating that I tried to stop you, and did so using a stern facial expression.
12:54Good night, Sheldon.
12:55Not yet. We still have to go over safety procedures.
12:57Now, the apartment has three emergency exits located here, here, and here.
13:03In the event of a power outage, luminous paint will guide you to the nearest exit.
13:09You're kidding.
13:20I never kid about safety.
13:24What is that you're eating?
13:26Tonight is pizza night.
13:28I'd like to refer that to my attorney.
13:32According to what I see here, Thursday nights are Franconi's pizza night.
13:36Yes, and when Franconi's went out of business, we switched to Graziano's.
13:41That's interesting. Can you just switch restaurants like that, Priya?
13:48Good question, Howard.
13:50Turns out you can't.
13:52According to the document you drew up, Sheldon, the selection of a new takeout restaurant requires public hearings and a 60-day comment period.
13:59Were those criteria met?
14:07No.
14:14This is Greek food? Leonard, you hate Greek food.
14:18Not as much as you.
14:23Count the first. On or about the 28th day of April, the accused did knowingly and with malice aforethought deny access to the shared bathroom in a time of emergency.
14:33To wit, my back teeth were floating.
14:37Count the second. The accused exceeded the agreed upon occupancy of the shower.
14:42To wit, one. Unless we are under attack by water-soluble aliens.
14:49Can I see the roommate agreement?
14:51Um, it's fairly technical.
14:55I think I can handle it.
14:57Top of her class. Cambridge University. Licensed to practice law in three countries and your face.
15:09All right. Based on a cursory reading, it doesn't look like you have much of a case, Sheldon.
15:15Do so, do so.
15:18No, I'm afraid not. Section 7 here, on the right to enter the bathroom in emergency situations, is not specific as to what constitutes an emergency.
15:26That's ridiculous. A bathroom emergency is self-explanatory.
15:30Is it? If Leonard forgot to trim his nose hair, could he barge in while you were showering?
15:35Irrelevant. Leonard doesn't trim his nose hair. He thinks because he's short, nobody can see up there.
15:45The point is, Sheldon, the legal principle is ambiguity in a contract benefits the party that did not draft it.
15:51In this case, Leonard. So much for count one. But there's no but, Sheldon. That's how the law works.
15:57School.
16:03As for the shower capacity issue, I cite addendum J.
16:07When Sheldon showers second, any and all measures shall be taken to ensure an adequate supply of hot water.
16:12I believe this supersedes the occupancy issue.
16:15Superseded?
16:22This isn't over.
16:27No offense, but shower sex with you is now the second best thing that's happened today.
16:34Beverly pointed out that I'm experiencing insecurities in my relationship with Amy.
16:39In the same way that Leonard and Penny are in their relationship.
16:43What are you talking about? We're fine.
16:46Yes, you're fine, as long as you have a buffer living with you to distract from your marital problems.
16:50It used to be me. Now it's Raj and his attack triple.
16:57Anyway, I'm sorry for everything. Oh, and FYI, if you cry while they're fighting, they'll take you to McDonald's.
17:10Hello, Leonard.
17:12Why are you saying we have marital problems? We don't have marital problems.
17:16I see you must be yelling at me out of wedded bliss.
17:23Look, just because we took our friend in does not mean that Penny and I are afraid to be alone.
17:28Yeah, this is a special circumstance.
17:31Sheldon mentioned you tried to get your brother to live with you as well.
17:35Yeah, well, a circumstance can happen twice and still be special.
17:40Do you agree with that?
17:42Well, now that you point it out...
17:44Are you kidding me?
17:46We do seem to keep finding roommates.
17:48Well, now you're taking her side?
17:50I would never come between you and Leonard. That's for your parade of roommates to do.
17:59Giselle's not getting kicked off. It's totally going to be summer.
18:05What?
18:06Sheldon's onion ring. Just put it back.
18:08It's one onion ring.
18:09Just put it back before he comes.
18:12No, no, I don't think that's where it was.
18:15People, wall of silence!
18:22Who touched my food?
18:23Penny, Penny did it.
18:27Why would you do that?
18:28I don't know. I was hungry. What's the big deal?
18:31The big deal is that nobody touches food on my plate.
18:34Alright, look, I didn't know. I'm sorry.
18:36Well, I'm sorry, but that is your second strike.
18:42What?
18:43You have two strikes.
18:45Three strikes and you're out.
18:49It's a sports metaphor.
18:52A sports metaphor?
18:53Yes, baseball.
18:57Alright, yeah, I'll play along. What was my first strike?
19:00March 18th. You violated my rule about forwarding email humor.
19:05I did?
19:06I trusted you with my email address and you betrayed that trust by sending me internet banality. Strike one.
19:13Touching my food, strike two.
19:17Don't worry, they only stay on your record for a year.
19:21You can get them removed early, but you have to take his class.
19:25Oh, come on. I touched one onion ring.
19:29And then you put it back, compromising the integrity of all the other onion rings.
19:34Oh, honey, the buses don't go where you live, do they?
19:38Penny, I wish I could be more lenient with you, but since you've become a permanent member of our social group,
19:42I have to hold you to the same standards as everybody else.
19:45Congratulations, you're officially one of us.
19:49One of us, one of us.
19:53Well, what a thrill.
19:55You're sitting in my spot?
19:56Oh, you've got to be kidding me.
19:58Leonard, she's in my spot.
20:00Yeah, yeah, ugh.
20:02I don't care. I'm taking a stand.
20:04Alright, that's it. Strike three.
20:07Ooh, strike three.
20:09I'm banished? What the hell kind of crap is that?
20:13Don't worry, I'll talk to him.
20:15Yeah, you do that.
20:16Just so I know, would you be open to taking his class?
20:19You can't fix this with gifts.
20:21Nevertheless, I've hurt you, and whether you forgive me or not, I want you to have this.
20:29You're giving me a couch cushion?
20:31You're giving me a couch cushion?
20:33No, the cushion is merely symbolic.
20:36I'm giving you my spot on the couch.
20:41But you love that spot.
20:43No, I love my mother.
20:45My feelings for my spot are much greater.
20:50It is the singular location in space around which revolves my entire universe.
20:56And now it's yours.
20:59Oh my god, dude, now you have to forgive him.
21:04Alright, apology accepted.
21:08High five. Not too hard.
21:14I haven't cried like this since Toy Story 3.
21:22I gotta tell you, Sheldon, I understand why you chose this spot.
21:25I mean, the temperature's good, but there's no draft.
21:28I can see the television, but I can still talk to it.
21:30I changed my mind. Get out of my spot.
21:35How long?
21:3694 seconds.
21:43Leonard, I don't mean to alarm you, but the Chinese food smells funny.
21:47That's because it's barbecue.
21:50But it's Chinese food night.
21:52I picked it. You're the one who told me to stop being such a satisficer all the time.
21:56What? I did not. I just pointed out that you were one.
21:59It's what I like best about you.
22:02Well, that and those little notes you leave in my lunch.
22:06I leave those!
22:09Well, that's disappointing.
22:11I already know that you heart me, now I don't know if Leonard does.
22:15Well, this is what we're having for dinner. You can eat it or not, I don't care.
22:19I guess that answers the heart question.
22:22It's fine. We'll have barbecue.
22:24Of course. I am nothing if not flexible.
22:26I am sure that at some point in the 3,000 year history of the Chinese Empire,
22:31a cavalryman crossing the Gobi Desert was forced by hunger to eat his own horse
22:35and roast it over a campfire. Hence, Chinese barbecue. Let's eat.
22:41I'm sorry. I didn't watch the news today.
22:44Has the whole world gone mad?
22:47It's my house. I'm tired of being told where I can and can't sit.
22:52You did this.
22:55Amy, grab your meat. We're leaving in a huff.
22:59I'm sorry. If I don't go now, it's not a huff.
23:05Don't take this the wrong way, but that was even more exciting than the sex.
23:11Don't take this the wrong way, but yes, it was.
23:15Oh, here's another one.
23:17I wish that the apple pancake mix was on the top shelf because it starts with an A.
23:23But I don't put it there because I don't want you breaking one of your little legs
23:27when you're supposed to be making my breakfast.
23:32Is it my turn to talk about the compromises I make?
23:36I wasn't done, but go ahead.
23:40He said compromising.
23:43Because of you, I'm not allowed to adjust the temperature in my own home.
23:47I'm not allowed to whistle. I don't wear shoes that might squeak.
23:51Well, you're a physicist, not a circus clown.
23:55Do you realize I don't live with the woman I love because of you?
24:00No other reason. Just you.
24:02Is that true?
24:03Yes, it's true. The last time I brought it up,
24:05you had an emotional breakdown and got on a train and ran away.
24:09Well, given my history on the subject, it seems a little reckless to bring it up now.
24:15You have no idea how much you inconvenience the lives of everyone around you.
24:20It's exhausting.
24:21You know what?
24:23You think you're so tolerant, but the truth is,
24:27you're mean to me a lot.
24:29You think that I don't notice all those sarcastic comments and those eye rolls,
24:33but I do.
24:34I have excellent peripheral vision.
24:38On a good day, I can see my ears.
24:44I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings.
24:46I've been holding a lot of this in for a while.
24:48Well, I'm sorry, too.
24:49And if you want to live with Penny, then I think you should.
24:53Do you mean that?
24:54Yes.
24:55Just put on your squeaky shoes and ee-ee-ee your way out of my life.
25:02Come on, don't get upset.
25:05I'm not upset.
25:06I'm just imagining a world without my best friend in it.
25:12Sheldon.
25:13It's okay.
25:15I'm not leaving your world.
25:17I'm just talking about living across the hall.
25:20I understand.
25:21Either way, I want you to know that I'm aware of how difficult I can be,
25:26so I just want to say thank you for putting up with me.
25:33Buddy.
25:37Are you guys getting along?
25:40Why are there tears?
25:43Everything's fine.
25:44We just started talking about living arrangements.
25:46Are you crazy?
25:47You know he's a flight risk.
25:51It's exactly what I told him.
25:54Sheldon, we know this is a sensitive subject,
25:56and Leonard's not going to move out until you're ready.
26:01Well, what if you did it gradually?
26:04All right.
26:06How about we start with two nights a week?
26:09I live with Penny.
26:11How about one night and I let you whistle?
26:21Okay.
26:22When I'm not home.
26:26You got it.
26:29There we go.
26:30Compromising again.
26:34We really are the best.
26:47What are you doing?
26:49What does it look like?
26:51I'm playing Sad Harmonica
26:54in an apartment as empty as my heart.
26:58Why?
27:00I got the blues.
27:02My baby done left me.
27:05Come on, Sheldon.
27:07Amy's only gone for a few months.
27:09And now that I'm moving out, your old room is empty.
27:11So you can stay there whenever you want.
27:14Can I talk to you in the hall for a sec?
27:15Yeah, sure.
27:23Sheldon, you're being silly.
27:25Am I?
27:26Yesterday I had an Air Force project,
27:28a girlfriend who lived with me,
27:30and my good friend Raj right across the hall.
27:33You really care about that last one?
27:35No, but that list was sounding a little thin.
27:39Instead of dwelling on the negative,
27:41think about this.
27:42Your girlfriend was given an amazing opportunity,
27:45which gives you an opportunity to show her
27:47that you're a loving and supportive boyfriend.
27:52So trick her.
27:56Alright, let me start again.
27:59You and Amy...
28:00Can I get my stuff?
28:01Sounds like it's gonna be a while.