Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00Oh, hi.
00:01Hi.
00:02Hi.
00:03Hi.
00:04Hi.
00:05Hi.
00:06Hi.
00:07Hi.
00:08Hi.
00:09We don't mean to interrupt.
00:10We live across the hall.
00:11Oh, that's nice.
00:12Oh, no.
00:13We don't live together.
00:14I mean, we live together, but in separate heterosexual bedrooms.
00:15Oh, okay.
00:16Well, guess I'm your new neighbor.
00:17Penny.
00:18Leonard.
00:19Sheldon.
00:20Hi.
00:21Hi.
00:22Hi.
00:23Hi.
00:24Hi.
00:25Hi.
00:26Hi.
00:27Hi.
00:28Hi.
00:29Hi.
00:30Hi.
00:31Hi.
00:32Hi.
00:33Hi.
00:34Hi.
00:35Well, uh, oh, welcome to the building.
00:36Oh, thank you.
00:37Maybe we can have coffee sometime.
00:38Oh, great.
00:39Great.
00:40Great.
00:41Great.
00:42Well, bye.
00:43Bye.
00:44Bye.
00:45Bye.
00:46How do I look?
00:47How do I look?
00:55Could you be more specific?
00:57Can you tell I'm perspiring a little?
01:01No.
01:03The dark crescent-shaped patterns under your arms conceal it nicely.
01:07I'm a perfectly nice guy.
01:11There's no reason we couldn't go to the restaurant and have a lovely dinner.
01:14Maybe take a walk afterwards.
01:16Talk about things we have in common.
01:19You love pottery.
01:20I love pottery.
01:23There's a pause.
01:24We both know what's happening.
01:25I lean in.
01:26We kiss.
01:27It's a little tentative at first, but then I realize she's kissing me back.
01:29She's biting my lower lip.
01:30She wants me.
01:31This thing is going the distance.
01:32We're going to have sex.
01:33Oh, God.
01:34Oh, my God.
01:35If I don't show up, she'll still be expecting you.
01:39Why would she be expecting me?
01:42Stop asking me all these questions.
01:44I need to take another shower.
01:46Were the rest of the guys meeting this year?
01:48Oh, yeah.
01:49No.
01:50It turns out that Raj and Howard had to work, and Sheldon had a colonoscopy, and he hasn't
01:56quite bounced back yet.
02:00My uncle just had a colonoscopy.
02:02You're kidding.
02:03Well, then that's something we have in common.
02:06How?
02:08We both have people in our lives who want to nip intestinal polyps in the butt.
02:21So what's new in the world of physics?
02:23Nothing.
02:24Really?
02:25Nothing?
02:26Well, with the exception of string theory, not much has happened since the 1930s, and
02:34you can't prove string theory.
02:35At best, you can say, hey, look, my idea has an internal logical consistency.
02:41Hey, do you want to see something cool?
02:48I can make this olive go into this glass without touching it.
02:52How?
02:53Physics.
02:54Wow.
02:55Centrifugal force.
02:56Actually, it's centripetal force, which is an
03:02inward force generated by the glass acting on the olive.
03:08Excuse me.
03:09Now, if you were biting on the olive, you'd be in a non-inertial reference frame and would
03:17Are you okay?
03:18Yeah, I'm okay.
03:19Did you spill ketchup?
03:20No.
03:21I'm not okay.
03:22I had a nice time.
03:23Yeah, me too.
03:25Good night.
03:26Good night.
03:27Leonard?
03:28Yeah?
03:29Was this supposed to be a date?
03:30This?
03:31No.
03:32No, of course not.
03:33This was just you and me hanging out with a bunch of guys who didn't show up because
03:34of work and a trip.
03:37I'm sorry.
03:40I'm sorry.
03:41I'm sorry.
03:42I'm sorry.
03:43I'm sorry.
03:44I'm sorry.
03:45I'm sorry.
03:46I'm sorry.
03:47I'm sorry.
03:48I'm sorry.
03:49I'm sorry.
03:50I'm sorry.
03:51I'm sorry.
03:52I'm sorry.
03:53of work and a colonoscopy.
03:55Okay, I was just checking.
04:00When I take a girl on a date, and I do, she knows she's been dated, capital D, bold face
04:12underlined, dated.
04:17I think I might have a little concussion, I'm going to go lay down for a while, good
04:24So, how was your date?
04:28Awesome.
04:33Score one for liquor and poor judgment.
04:36Come on guys, push.
04:38If I push any harder, I'm going to give birth to my colon.
04:43Oh, hey guys.
04:44Oh, hi Penny.
04:48Take a break guys.
04:51What are you doing?
04:52Oh, you know, just moving a time machine.
04:57Yeah, okay neat, but I really got to get to work, so.
04:59No problem.
05:07Hang on.
05:10But, what about your time machine?
05:12Some things are more important than toys.
05:23I'm scared.
05:24Don't worry baby, I've got you.
05:27Oh, Leonard.
05:48It's still my turn.
05:52I'm back.
05:54I'm sorry I yelled at you.
05:56It's not your fault.
05:58What happened?
06:00Well, I went over to Mike's to make up with him.
06:03Yeah, no, I know that part.
06:06But he had already moved on.
06:08Already?
06:09That was quick.
06:10That's what I said to the woman who had her legs wrapped around his neck.
06:17Oh, Penny, I am so sorry.
06:19How could he do that?
06:21You know, you did throw an 80 gig iPod.
06:24Yeah, no, how could he do that?
06:27I swear to God, I am done with guys like that.
06:30You know, macho with the perfect body and the hair and the money.
06:34Yeah, that must get old quick.
06:37You know, just once, I would like to go out with someone who is nice and honest and who actually cares about me.
06:47What about me?
06:48What about me?
06:50What about you what?
06:54What about if you went out with me?
06:59Are you asking me out?
07:02Um, yes, I am asking you out.
07:07Wow.
07:10I was just going off your comment about the nice guy.
07:12No, I know.
07:13And honest.
07:14Yeah, totally.
07:15So, but it's no big deal.
07:16Yes.
07:18Yes what?
07:20Yes, I will go out with you.
07:26Really?
07:29Yeah.
07:31Why not? I mean, what do I have to lose?
07:34Yeah.
07:37That's the spirit.
07:48Hi.
07:49Hi.
07:50Come on in.
07:54You look very nice.
07:56So do you.
08:02I made an eight o'clock reservation.
08:03Okay, yeah, great.
08:04Listen, um, maybe we should talk first.
08:09So, you see, what you're eating is not technically yogurt
08:11because it doesn't have enough live acidophilus cultures.
08:14It's really just ice milk with carrageenan added for thickness.
08:18Oh, that's very interesting.
08:20It's also not pink and has no berries.
08:24Yeah, but it doesn't really answer my question.
08:26What was your question again?
08:28Do you want some?
08:31Right, no.
08:32I'm lactose intolerant.
08:33Right.
08:34I'm lactose intolerant.
08:35Right, no.
08:36I'm lactose intolerant.
08:37Right.
08:38So, gas.
08:39Yeah, got it.
08:41Well, good night.
08:58What are you doing?
08:59There's a draft.
09:02I don't feel a draft.
09:04Why don't we just go into your...
09:07Oh, yeah.
09:08You know, but maybe we should slow things down a little.
09:10No, no.
09:11I didn't mean to go into your apartment to go fast.
09:13No, I know.
09:15I know what you meant.
09:16It's just, this is only our first date.
09:18Yeah, okay.
09:19Sure, no problem.
09:20Why don't we just figure out where we're going
09:22and when we want to get there
09:24and then rate of speed equals distance over time.
09:30Solve for R.
09:33Or we could just wing it.
09:36That might work, too.
09:38Good night, Leonard.
09:39Good night.
09:45He's coming.
09:46Screen saver.
09:52Oh, hey, Leonard.
09:54How was your date?
09:56Bite me.
09:58Oh, hey, Leonard.
09:59Hello.
10:00Leslie.
10:01Hi.
10:04Okay.
10:06Okay, well, good night.
10:11Okay, well, good night.
10:15That ain't gonna make your point.
10:29Okay, okay, that's enough.
10:34Call me.
10:37Right.
10:40Okay, good night.
10:42What?
10:43Have a great time, ciao.
10:45Hey, Leonard.
10:46Hey.
10:47Sheldon says you're going to the North Pole.
10:48Yeah, pretty cool, huh?
10:50Yeah, just a little surprised you didn't tell me.
10:53Oh, well, it all happened kind of fast
10:55and we had to get physicals and buy thermal underwear
10:57and study up on, you know, snow and stuff.
11:01Sorry, I was gonna tell you.
11:03Oh, hey, no, you don't have to apologize.
11:05There's no reason you have to tell me.
11:06I was just, you know, surprised.
11:08Hey, Leonard, can I talk to you for a sec?
11:10Sure.
11:11Let's go out here where there's a little less yelling and guilt.
11:16What's up?
11:17Well, I got you a little going-away present.
11:19Oh, a blanket.
11:21Oh, no, no, no, not just a blanket.
11:23See, it has sleeves.
11:28Yeah.
11:30Oh.
11:33So you can, you know, be all snoodled up
11:35while you do your science stuff.
11:37Oh, wow.
11:38Cool.
11:41I'm gonna miss you.
11:51See you later.
11:52Bye.
12:01Oh, Leonard, what time is it?
12:037 a.m.
12:04I'm sorry it's early, but we're leaving soon
12:06and I needed to talk to you.
12:07Okay.
12:09What did you mean when you said you were going to miss me?
12:13Um, I don't know.
12:15You'll be gone and I'll notice.
12:20Okay, well, um, what about this?
12:23What does this mean?
12:25Wine, credit card, and late-night television
12:27are a bad combination.
12:31All right, fine.
12:32What about that really long hug?
12:34What did that mean?
12:36That wasn't a long hug.
12:38It was at least five Mississippis.
12:43Standard hug is two Mississippis.
12:46Cops.
12:49Leonard, I don't know what to tell you.
12:51It was just a hug.
12:53Glad we cleared that up.
12:54Yeah.
12:55I guess I'll see you.
12:56Okay.
12:57Have a safe trip.
13:01Bye.
13:02Okay, bye.
13:08That means I wish you weren't going.
13:12I'm gonna go let Penny know we're back.
13:13Mother, I have to go.
13:15Love you.
13:16Bye.
13:18Hello, old friend.
13:20Hi.
13:29Daddy's home.
13:33Leonard, you're back.
13:34Yeah, I just stopped by to say...
13:42Yeah, so hi.
13:43Hi.
13:51Dammit, I should have gone over and told her we were back.
14:00Yeah, it was first come, first serve.
14:05Hi.
14:06Hey, listen, since we got, you know, interrupted last night,
14:08I didn't have a chance to give you this.
14:10Oh, Leonard, you shouldn't have.
14:15Oh, boy.
14:18What is it?
14:19What is it?
14:21It's a snowflake from the North Pole.
14:25Are you serious?
14:27It'll last forever.
14:28I preserved it in a 1% solution of polyvinyl acetyl resin.
14:36Oh, my God.
14:37That's the most romantic thing anyone's ever said to me
14:39that I didn't understand.
14:42It's actually a pretty simple process.
14:44You see, cyanoacrylates are monomers which polymerize on...
14:50Red alert, Leonard. Sheldon ran away.
14:52Man, I cannot catch a break.
14:55So how do you know he ran away?
14:57Well, he's not answering his phone.
14:59He handed in his resignation at the university,
15:01and he sent me a text that said, I'm running away.
15:05Okay, well, thanks for letting me know.
15:07Leonard, aren't you gonna do something?
15:09Of course I'm gonna do something.
15:11Uh, Howard, you check the comic book store.
15:14Raj, go to the Thai restaurant.
15:16I'll stay here with Penny in her apartment.
15:20Oh, damn it.
15:22It's Sheldon's mother.
15:24A break cannot be caught.
15:27Hi, Mrs. Cooper.
15:29He is. Sheldon went home to Texas.
15:33Yeah, no, I know he resigned.
15:35Yes, I...
15:37I guess it kind of is our fault.
15:40No, no, no, you're right.
15:41Someone needs to come talk to him.
15:43Don't worry, I'll take care of it. Yeah.
15:45All right.
15:47New plan.
15:49Howard, you and Raj go to Texas.
15:50I'll stay here with Penny in her apartment.
15:53Wait, you're not gonna go with him?
15:55Well, you know, I gave you the snowflake,
15:57and we were kissing, and...
15:59Come on, I don't want to go to Texas.
16:02Oh, right, and I do.
16:03My people already crossed the desert once.
16:05We're done.
16:10Trust me, you'll be fine. See ya.
16:12Wait a second, Leonard.
16:13Come on, how can you not go?
16:15He's your best friend.
16:16I already saw him naked.
16:17Just come here.
16:20I promise I will be here when you get back.
16:22Just go help Sheldon.
16:24Really?
16:25Yeah, we waited a few months.
16:26We can wait a few more days.
16:33Maybe you can.
16:37Go.
16:40Boy, you cannot catch a break, can you?
16:46How about that?
16:47I finally caught a break.
16:49Uh-huh.
16:55You know how they say,
16:56when friends have sex, it can get weird?
16:59Sure.
17:01Why does it have to get weird?
17:04I don't know.
17:06I mean, we were friends,
17:08and now we're more than friends.
17:11We're whatever this is.
17:13But why label it, right?
17:15I mean, it is what it is.
17:17Leonard.
17:18Yeah?
17:19It's weird.
17:20Totally.
17:21We should have done this last night, you know?
17:23Have a little wine, take the edge off.
17:25Actually, ethyl alcohol inhibits
17:27electrical conduction in the nerve cells
17:29and stimulates reuptake receptors
17:31of inhibitory neurotransmitters
17:33like gamma-aminobutyric acid.
17:39Don't talk, just drink.
17:46Mm.
17:50What are we drinking now?
17:52Peppermint schnapps.
17:56Why would you buy peppermint schnapps?
17:58Because I like peppermint,
18:00and it's fun to say schnapps.
18:06Hey, Leonard.
18:07What?
18:08Schnapps.
18:12Schnapps.
18:13Okay.
18:14You're right on his part.
18:16Oh, hey.
18:17Hey, what did Sheldon say to you?
18:19Not a lot.
18:20Just that we always have the option
18:22of going back to being friends.
18:24Is that what you want?
18:26I don't know.
18:27I mean, you have to admit,
18:29things seemed simpler when we were just friends.
18:32I guess.
18:33It would take the pressure off.
18:35It would, wouldn't it?
18:38So, we'll just be friends.
18:40Good.
18:43Come here.
18:57Okie dokie.
18:59Want to get a little crazy?
19:01What are you thinking?
19:03Let's slide over to Sheldon's spot and make out.
19:09You are a dirty girl.
19:12Oh, God.
19:14How did he know?
19:16Hello?
19:18Hi, Howard.
19:19Am I interrupting?
19:21A little bit, yeah.
19:23Guess I should have called.
19:25Yeah, maybe.
19:34Tonight's the night I usually go
19:36line dancing with Raj at the Palomino.
19:40Uh-huh.
19:42But he's working with Sheldon.
19:44Yes, we know.
19:46Want me to leave?
19:48You know, whatever.
19:50Okay, I guess I can hang for a little while.
19:56Having a little trouble catching your breath there?
20:00No, no, I'm good.
20:02If my P.E. teachers had told me
20:04this is what I was training for,
20:05I would have tried a lot harder.
20:09Do or do not, there is no try.
20:15Did you just quote Star Wars?
20:19I believe I quoted Empire Strikes Back.
20:25Oh, my God.
20:27I'm lying in bed with a beautiful woman
20:29who can quote Yoda.
20:36I love you, Penny.
20:39Oh.
20:53You're welcome.
20:56I just want to put that out there.
20:57Oh, yeah, no.
20:59I'm glad.
21:00Good.
21:01Glad is good.
21:02Yeah.
21:04No, no.
21:07So, it's getting pretty late.
21:11We should probably go to sleep.
21:12Yeah.
21:13Okay.
21:14Yeah, probably.
21:15Okay.
21:16Good night, sweetie.
21:17Good night.
21:23It's ten o'clock.
21:24Where have you been?
21:25We stayed for the California Adventure Water Show.
21:28It was pure Disney magic.
21:31I was going to see that with him.
21:33How was I supposed to know that?
21:34It's all right.
21:35I'll see it again with you.
21:36And I have food here.
21:37You said you were going to call.
21:38I know, I know.
21:39I can still eat.
21:40No, you already threw up once.
21:41Go put on your PJs and brush your teeth.
21:46Okay, but just don't fight.
21:48We're not fighting.
21:49Just go.
21:53Aren't you going to thank Penny
21:54for taking you to Disneyland?
21:55Thank you, Penny.
21:59You're welcome, sweetie.
22:02Want a cup of coffee?
22:03Want a cup of coffee?
22:05Oh, um, I should probably get going.
22:07Come on, it's just a cup of coffee.
22:10Yeah, okay.
22:18Oh, yeah, the whole thing
22:19seems a little twisted to me, too.
22:23What am I smelling?
22:24Sheldon's churro on my shoes.
22:28So, while we were going out,
22:29how often would you pretend to like things
22:31just to have sex with me?
22:33All the time.
22:36You're kidding.
22:37Does this sound familiar?
22:39I'd love to go shoe shopping with you.
22:43Hiking? It's great.
22:45It's 2 a.m.
22:46Of course I want to go to Koreatown
22:48and sing karaoke with your friends.
22:49Who wouldn't?
22:52Okay, we were going out.
22:53You were going to get sex anyway.
22:54Really?
22:55You would have slept with me
22:56after a three-hour documentary on dams?
23:01No, no woman would.
23:04See, now that's the great thing.
23:06We're out as friends.
23:07This is not a date.
23:08Sex is off the table.
23:09So, let's go learn
23:10why hydroelectric power
23:11might not be the environmental bargain
23:13you think it is.
23:16Sorry, spoiler alert.
23:21All right, fine.
23:22Thanks.
23:24Tickets are 11 bucks.
23:30Not a date.
23:32Feel like trying something new for dinner?
23:34Maybe Indian, Tex-Mex?
23:36You ever wonder how humans would be different
23:38if they evolved from lizards
23:40instead of mammals?
23:44Okay, let's talk about that.
23:47As you know, lizards,
23:49cold-blooded animals,
23:50lack the ability to sense temperature.
23:52But they do move more sluggishly
23:54when it's cold.
23:55So, lizard weathermen would say things like,
23:58Bring a sweater.
23:59It's slow outside.
24:03I love my mind.
24:06We all do.
24:07Now, how about dinner?
24:09Oh, I would assume we'd enjoy insects
24:11or smaller lizards.
24:13We could also pull each other's tails off
24:15and grill them.
24:16They'll just grow back.
24:20Oh, my life-size cardboard
24:22Mr. Spock is here.
24:26I know he wouldn't care
24:27for an outburst of human emotion,
24:28but oh, goody.
24:29Oh, goody. Oh, goody.
24:34Commander Spock
24:35requesting permission to be unfolded.
24:38Excuse me.
24:39Permission granted, Commander.
24:43Which is why
24:44the more intelligent the monkey,
24:45the more feces they fling.
24:51Excuse me, Amy.
24:52Penny, do you have plans for dinner tonight?
24:54Why? You guys going somewhere?
24:55No, I mean, just you and me.
24:58You mean, like a date?
25:00Not like a date.
25:01A date.
25:02Ooh.
25:07Um.
25:09Oh, okay.
25:10Sure.
25:11Ooh.
25:15Oh, no.
25:16They sent the wrong Spock.
25:21Live long and suck it,
25:22Zachary Quinto.
25:27So, do they have a name
25:29for a first date
25:30with someone you used to go out with?
25:32Oh, that's a good question.
25:33How about awkward?
25:37That sounds right.
25:40Hey, how about
25:41if we pretend
25:42we're actually on a first date?
25:44See how that goes.
25:45Okay.
25:48So, Polly,
25:49tell me about yourself.
25:52It's Penny.
25:53Oh, sorry.
25:54Awkward.
25:57Okay, let's see.
25:58I'm from Nebraska,
25:59and ever since I was a little girl,
26:01I dreamed of moving to L.A.
26:03and becoming a movie star.
26:04Anyway, after four years
26:06of acting lessons
26:07and waiting tables,
26:08I've done a hemorrhoid commercial
26:10and a production of Anne Frank
26:12above a bowling alley.
26:14So, you know,
26:15dreams do come true.
26:18Your turn.
26:19Uh, let's see.
26:20Uh, I am an experimental physicist
26:23at Caltech.
26:24Most of my research
26:25is with high-powered lasers,
26:27and, oh,
26:28I've just gotten
26:29a big government grant
26:30to see if they can be used
26:31to knock out
26:32incoming ballistic missiles.
26:33Wow.
26:34Can they?
26:35Oh, God, no.
26:40The money's pretty good.
26:43And I use the equipment
26:44to make my own bat signal.
26:47Bat signal?
26:48What are you,
26:49some kind of nerd?
26:51Not some kind of nerd.
26:52I am the king of nerds.
26:56What does that mean?
26:57Uh, it means
26:59if anyone displeases me,
27:01I don't help them
27:02set up their printer.
27:05You are so funny.
27:06Good.
27:07Remember that
27:08when I take my shirt off.
27:13Leonard, this is nice.
27:14I'm so glad we did this.
27:15Me, too.
27:18So, what do you think?
27:19Are we gonna get back together?
27:21Whoa, not so fast.
27:23I'm sorry.
27:24What did I say?
27:25Leonard,
27:26you know I will always
27:27have feelings for you.
27:28Oh, God.
27:29What?
27:30You said always.
27:31You'll always
27:32have feelings for me.
27:33So?
27:34So, that sounds more like
27:35something you'd say
27:36if you didn't want
27:37a relationship with someone.
27:38This isn't working out,
27:39but I'll always
27:40have feelings for you.
27:41I'm sorry I slept
27:42with your best friend,
27:43but I'll always
27:44have feelings for you.
27:46Here's the thing, Lisa.
27:47I'm into dudes now,
27:48but I'll always
27:49have feelings for you.
27:50How would you say it?
27:51I have feelings for you.
27:53It's the same thing.
27:54No, it's not.
27:55Always made it worse.
27:56You're overthinking this.
27:57No, I'm not.
27:58Yes, you are.
27:59You always overthink things.
28:00There you go.
28:01Always made it worse.
28:04See, this is where
28:05everything goes wrong
28:06when we talk.
28:08Look, I don't know
28:09how you have a relationship
28:10without talking.
28:11Hey, I went out
28:12with this guy, TJ,
28:13for eight months.
28:14We never talked.
28:15To this day,
28:16I don't even know
28:17what TJ stands for.
28:18Wait, if you guys
28:19didn't talk,
28:20well, you'd never mind
28:21stupid questions.
28:24To wine and bubble wrap.
28:28And to not having
28:29to watch Sheldon
28:30demonstrate his
28:31reverse osmosis machine
28:32that converts urine
28:33into drinking water.
28:36You know, in Girl Scouts,
28:37Tammy Dinesha said
28:38you could do that
28:39with pantyhose.
28:41Boy, was she wrong.
28:45Anyway, you want to
28:46have a drink?
28:47Anyway, you want
28:48to make out?
28:50I thought because
28:51our relationship's
28:52in a beta test,
28:53you wanted to
28:54take things slow.
28:55Okay, do you want
28:56to make out slow?
28:59I can go so slow,
29:01it'll be like there's
29:02a snail in your mouth.
29:05Oh.
29:08Well, lucky for you,
29:09there's nothing else
29:10to do right now.
29:13Sorry, I did.
29:14I crossed a line.
29:15I didn't mean to.
29:16Who says something
29:17like that right
29:18in the middle of sex?
29:19I don't know.
29:20It just came out.
29:21People say weird things
29:22during sex all the time.
29:23Okay, well,
29:24they sure as hell
29:25don't say that.
29:26Well, it's the
29:27heat of the moment.
29:28No, the heat of the moment
29:29is, oh yeah,
29:30just like that.
29:31Not, will you marry me?
29:33I'm sorry.
29:34Just give me
29:35another chance.
29:36Why?
29:37So you can crawl
29:38under the covers and go,
29:39hey baby,
29:40want to go look for
29:41houses and neighborhoods
29:42with good schools?
29:43Again, I'm sorry.
29:44You know,
29:45when Howard and Bernadette
29:46got getting married,
29:47I got caught up
29:48in a little wedding fever.
29:49I take it back.
29:50You can't take
29:51something like that back.
29:52I mean, what are we
29:53even supposed to do now?
29:54Okay.
29:55At some point,
29:56we'll look back
29:57and this is going to be
29:58a funny story.
30:00Why don't we just
30:01start doing that now?
30:03You're kidding.
30:04No.
30:06Do you remember
30:09that time
30:10when I proposed
30:11to you in bed?
30:13And you were all like,
30:14what are you doing?
30:18That was so funny.
30:21So funny.
30:24It's not funny.
30:26Give it a minute.
30:30Is that a little smile
30:31I see there?
30:33I should go.
30:39Hey.
30:40Hey.
30:42Off to work?
30:43Yeah.
30:44Have a nice night.
30:46Okay, you too.
30:48Penny, just wait.
30:50I've been thinking
30:51about what I said
30:52when we were in bed
30:53the other night.
30:54Yeah, I've been thinking
30:55about it too.
30:56I noticed you
30:57never answered me.
30:59You're right.
31:06No.
31:08A follow-up.
31:09Are we still dating?
31:10Yep.
31:11Is it still weird
31:12because I proposed?
31:13Yeah.
31:15I have a couple more
31:16quick questions.
31:17Do you want to call me
31:18from the car?
31:19No.
31:22That played that pretty well.
31:25Here we are.
31:26Yep.
31:28I'm really going to miss you.
31:30I'm going to miss you too.
31:32Penny, we're in
31:33the red zone.
31:35The white zone.
31:36The white zone
31:37is for loading and unloading.
31:39We're breaking the law.
31:42There's no space
31:43in the white zone, so...
31:44Anyway,
31:46we can email
31:47and I think the phone
31:48connections are pretty good.
31:49All right, you have to
31:50get out of the car right now.
31:51I'm not going to jail for you.
31:52Can't you just relax?
31:53Oh, I see a space
31:54in the white zone.
31:55Quick, circle the airport.
31:58Did you bring
31:59enough inhalers?
32:00Yeah.
32:01And extra Dramamine?
32:02You remember what happened
32:03on It's a Small World?
32:06No, I'm covered.
32:07Okay.
32:08Oh, dear Lord.
32:09A police officer's
32:10glancing in our direction.
32:11We've been made.
32:14Calm down.
32:15I'm getting out.
32:17I have something
32:18I want to give you.
32:19Leonard.
32:20It's just a heart-shaped
32:21locket with a picture
32:22of Leonard's face in it.
32:23He got them all on clearance.
32:24Now move, move, move.
32:27I love you.
32:29I love you too.
32:33Don't worry, officer.
32:34They just love each other.
32:36We're not smuggling frogs.
32:41It's really sweet
32:42what Howard wants to do
32:43for Bernadette.
32:44Yeah.
32:45Hey, how come you've never
32:46done anything romantic
32:47to celebrate our first date?
32:49Oh, for starters,
32:50you've broken up with me
32:51so many times.
32:52Which first date
32:53are we talking about?
32:55Whoa, whoa, whoa.
32:56Somebody call the Bern Ward.
32:59And back to the zone.
33:02Besides, I do romantic things
33:04for you all the time.
33:05Can you even name
33:06one romantic thing
33:07you've done for me?
33:08I can name tons.
33:09Sex doesn't count.
33:10Oh.
33:11Hey, what about
33:12that bed and breakfast?
33:13Well, I took you there.
33:14All you did was...
33:15I know what I did.
33:18I bet they had to throw out
33:19that rocking chair.
33:23You know, I can be romantic
33:24if I want to.
33:25It's fine.
33:26And also not true.
33:30Okay, just you wait and see.
33:31I'm going to romance
33:32your freaking ass off.
33:35That's beautiful.
33:36Is that Shakespeare?
33:38Sheldon?
33:39Zone!
33:42He'll figure it out
33:43when he falls off the roof.
33:45I just feel like
33:46everything is falling apart.
33:48Oh, come on.
33:49It's okay.
33:50No, it's not okay.
33:51Look at me, okay?
33:52I took a temp job
33:53as a waitress forever ago
33:54and I'm still doing it.
33:55I can't quit
33:56because guess what?
33:57I can't do anything else
33:58and I finally get my
33:59big break
34:00and it goes away.
34:02Such a mess.
34:03No, you're not.
34:04No, really?
34:05Because this morning
34:06at Starbucks,
34:07a pair of old underwear
34:08fell out of my pant leg.
34:12And it wasn't
34:13the only one in there.
34:16Okay, listen to me.
34:17This is just
34:18a minor setback.
34:19No, it's not, okay?
34:20I've been out here
34:21for like ten years.
34:22I have nothing to show for it.
34:24Well, you have me.
34:27You're right.
34:30I do have you.
34:35Let's get married.
34:39What?
34:46Leonard Hofstetter,
34:48will you marry me?
34:51Um...
34:55Did you seriously
34:56just say, um?
35:00You know, I love you,
35:02but you're
35:03you're drunk and sad
35:04and feeling lost.
35:05Okay, so,
35:06you don't want to marry me?
35:08That is not what I said.
35:09No, forget it.
35:10I take it back.
35:11Offer's off the table.
35:12Who's in the mood to laugh?
35:17So,
35:18what did you think
35:19of your first funeral?
35:20Oh, I don't want to be a jerk,
35:22but it was kind of a bummer.
35:25Yeah, well,
35:26when I die,
35:27you can rent a bounce house.
35:30Think about dying?
35:31Hmm.
35:32No, I think more about
35:33if I have any regrets.
35:35What would you regret?
35:36You know,
35:37that I didn't travel more,
35:39take more risks,
35:40learn another language.
35:42You know Klingon.
35:45That's true.
35:46No, I meant that as a regret.
35:53Just thought of one more.
35:54What's that?
35:56I regret
35:57not saying yes
35:58when you asked me to marry you.
36:00Well,
36:01it just wasn't the right time.
36:03Yeah.
36:05And this is also
36:06not the right time.
36:07Do not propose.
36:09What?
36:10I know that face.
36:11That's your propose face.
36:13I was not going to propose.
36:14It's already two to one.
36:15What's two to one?
36:16I propose twice.
36:17You propose once.
36:18Two to one.
36:19Oh, my.
36:20It's not a contest.
36:21I don't know what
36:22you're upset about.
36:23I'm the one who's losing.
36:24Okay.
36:25Fine.
36:26Would you feel better
36:27if I proposed
36:28to you?
36:29Yes, I would.
36:30Okay.
36:31Leonard,
36:32will you marry me?
36:33Hmm.
36:35No, don't you dare.
36:36You reject me right now
36:37and tie things up.
36:40It's just
36:41such a big decision.
36:42I don't want to have
36:43any regrets.
36:45You know
36:46I want to marry you,
36:47but you're only doing this
36:48because you got fired
36:49and you're feeling
36:50sorry for yourself.
36:51Okay.
36:52It may look that way,
36:53but getting fired
36:54from that movie
36:55was the best thing
36:56that could have happened
36:57to me.
36:58It's a big career
36:59to be happy.
37:00Then what do you need?
37:01You, you stupid Pop-Tart.
37:08Oh.
37:11Then I guess I'm in.
37:14Really?
37:15You guess you're in?
37:18Not like I guess I'm in.
37:19Like I guess I'm in.
37:24Okay.
37:25Cool.
37:28So is that it?
37:29Are we engaged?
37:31Yeah, I think so.
37:35All right.
37:39What's wrong?
37:41I'm not sure.
37:42It just
37:43feels a little anticlimactic.
37:47Yeah, it kind of does, huh?
37:50Oh.
37:51I know.
37:54This might help.
37:56This might help.
38:03Where did you get a ring?
38:05I...
38:07had it for a couple years.
38:08Not important.
38:14Penny,
38:15will you marry me?
38:18Oh, my God.
38:19Yes.
38:21This would have been
38:22so much more romantic
38:23if you didn't have
38:24monkey hair on your fingers.
38:29Oh, it's beautiful.
38:32Oh, the girls
38:33really did a nice job.
38:34Aw.
38:35I know I wasn't
38:36into this before,
38:37but I'm so glad
38:38I get to take you
38:39to your first prom.
38:40What makes you think
38:41I didn't go to my prom?
38:42I went.
38:43Well, who'd you go with?
38:44I took a little lady
38:45I like to call loneliness.
38:47Aw.
38:48It's all right.
38:49We ended up having
38:50a threesome
38:51with her friend Humiliation.
38:55Well, if I would have
38:56been there and saw you alone,
38:57I would have asked you to dance.
38:58No, you wouldn't have.
38:59Well, you don't know that.
39:00It was before
39:01my growth spurt.
39:02What?
39:03That already happened?
39:04Uh...
39:07Very funny.
39:08Well, you wouldn't
39:09have asked me either.
39:10I would have asked you...
39:12in my head.
39:15Aw.
39:17On the way home.
39:19While I was having
39:20a good cry.
39:23Further, have either of you
39:24prepared your own vows?
39:25Yes.
39:26No.
39:29You wrote vows?
39:30Yeah.
39:32I don't have any.
39:33You're kind of
39:34making me look bad.
39:36It's okay.
39:37I don't have to say them.
39:38No, no, go ahead.
39:39I'll come up with
39:40something mushy.
39:41You'll cry.
39:42We got this.
39:44Penny,
39:45we are made of particles
39:46that have existed
39:47since the moment
39:48the universe began.
39:49I like to think
39:50those atoms traveled
39:5114 billion years
39:52through time and space
39:53to create us
39:54so that we could be together
39:56and make each other whole.
39:59Wow.
40:02Penny?
40:04Right, um...
40:06Okay.
40:10Leonard, I...
40:12You're not only
40:13the love of my life,
40:14you're my best friend,
40:15and...
40:18you've got a friend in me.
40:24You got troubles?
40:26I got them, too.
40:29There isn't anything
40:31I wouldn't do for you.
40:33We stick together
40:34and we can see it through,
40:36because...
40:38you've got a friend in me.
40:42Is that the song
40:43he loves that movie?
40:44I do.
40:47Never have I ever
40:49kept a secret bank account
40:51because I think
40:52my wife can't handle money.
41:02Okay, you have every right
41:03to be mad,
41:04and what you said is true.
41:05You do make more money than me,
41:06so I had no right
41:07to do what I did,
41:08and I'm so sorry.
41:09I hope you can forgive me.
41:11How long have you had
41:12this secret account?
41:13A couple years,
41:14but I just put a few bucks aside
41:16every month for emergencies.
41:18How much you got in there?
41:19$6,427.
41:22$47 once my nana's
41:23birthday check gets here.
41:26My God, Leonard,
41:27do you know what I could do
41:28with that kind of money?
41:29I do, and that's why I hid it.
41:33What good is it
41:34if you don't use it?
41:36You have shoes you love,
41:37but never wear.
41:38I have money I love,
41:39but never spend.
41:40We're kind of a cute couple
41:41that way.
41:42Kind of promised your mom
41:43we'd have another
41:44wedding ceremony
41:45so she could attend this time.
41:49Wait, we're gonna get married again?
41:50Yeah, kind of,
41:51and now we can invite
41:52our friends and family.
41:53Seems like a lot of trouble
41:54for a hug.
41:56Come on, it'll be fun,
41:57and you know,
41:58your mom was genuinely hurt
41:59we didn't invite her
42:00to the first one.
42:01Well, in our defense,
42:02it was kind of a
42:03spur-of-the-moment thing,
42:04and also, we don't like her.
42:07Leonard, come on,
42:08she's your mom.
42:09If we can do something
42:10to make her happy,
42:11why wouldn't we?
42:12I just said why.
42:13We don't like her.
42:14Okay, look,
42:15forget about her.
42:16Let's do it for us.
42:17We can keep it small
42:18and informal.
42:19This time we can
42:20invite our families.
42:21Is your brother out of prison?
42:22Thanks to overcrowding, yeah.
42:25I'd love it if my dad
42:26could come.
42:27Oh, you have to invite him.
42:28I haven't seen him
42:29since the divorce.
42:30He's like a different man.
42:31He stopped twitching,
42:32and I think he grew
42:33an inch and a half.
42:35Well, then it's settled.
42:37Yay.
42:38God, it's so funny.
42:39I never thought
42:40my second marriage
42:41would be to you.
42:43It's still my room.
42:44We haven't really
42:45made it yours.
42:48Which is why I got you
42:49this pink Power Ranger.
42:53You can put it
42:54anywhere you like.
42:55Okay, but you may
42:56feel some discomfort.
42:59I'm kidding.
43:00I want you to feel
43:01at home here.
43:02Decorate it any way
43:03that makes you happy.
43:05Do you really mean that?
43:06I really do.
43:07Great.
43:08And just so you know,
43:09I'm not getting rid
43:10of all your stuff.
43:11Yeah?
43:12What are you keeping?
43:13That candle and you.
43:16What about my robot poster?
43:17Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba.
43:18I can make do
43:19with just the candle.
43:23Okay.
43:24Open your eyes
43:25and see your new room.
43:32Oh.
43:34I know.
43:35I went a little overboard.
43:36We can always dial it back.
43:37No, no, no, no, no.
43:38It's important to me
43:39that you have the bedroom
43:40you want.
43:41Oh, that means so much.
43:42I love you.
43:43I love you, too.
43:47Just hiding some stuff
43:48in your closet.
43:49Don't tell Penny.
43:52I'm trying to take an interest
43:53in other people.
43:55How was your girls' night?
43:56It was fine.
43:58Did you have anything to eat?
44:00Chips.
44:02Anything to drink?
44:03Some wine.
44:05Boy, I'm just playing tennis
44:06against the drapes here.
44:09Just ignore him.
44:10Hmm.
44:11At least he took an interest.
44:13What's that supposed to mean?
44:15Nothing.
44:16Hey, what's going on with you?
44:18I don't want to talk about it.
44:19Oh, come on.
44:20Just tell me.
44:22Fine.
44:23Lately, I kind of feel like
44:24you've been taking me for granted.
44:27What?
44:28Where is this coming from?
44:29Leonard, she might be drunk.
44:30All she had was chips.
44:32It's just, since we got married,
44:33you seem to think
44:34you don't have to try anymore.
44:36That is ridiculous.
44:37This is exactly why
44:38I didn't want to talk about it.
44:39No, no, no, no.
44:40Let's talk about it.
44:41I'm the one who's made
44:42all the effort in this relationship
44:43since day one.
44:44Please tell me
44:45what more I could do.
44:47Okay, you know what?
44:48Maybe I'll take Amy with me
44:49to the spa this weekend instead.
44:52Fine, go ahead.
44:57Amy is free.
44:58Amy is free.
45:01Oh, good, you're here.
45:02Are you still fighting?
45:03If you get divorced,
45:04do I get two Christmases?
45:07We're not getting divorced.
45:09Listen, we realized
45:11that we're facing
45:12some new challenges
45:13as a married couple.
45:14Yeah, and there are a few things
45:15we need to stay on top of,
45:17so we thought it would be useful.
45:19I can't believe
45:20I am about to say this.
45:23Would you please help us
45:24make a relationship agreement?
45:29But one that's tailored to us, okay?
45:31We don't need a bathroom schedule.
45:33Although a rule about him
45:34texting me from in there
45:35might help with the romance.
45:39What do you say?
45:41I get to write a contract?
45:43I say let's get this party
45:44of the first part started.
45:49Woo!
45:52You really think that's funny?
45:54It's in our agreement.
45:55I have to laugh.
45:56Surprise!
45:58Oh, crap.
45:59Is it our anniversary?
46:02No, wait.
46:07No.
46:09Alright, so
46:10what are we celebrating?
46:11Well, Bernadette and Howard
46:12are pregnant again.
46:13Amy and Sheldon
46:14are getting married.
46:15I didn't want you to feel left out.
46:17Left out?
46:19Bernadette has to grow
46:20a baby inside of her
46:21and Amy has to marry one.
46:22My life is great!
46:26So do you not want the cake?
46:27Try and take it away.
46:28See what happens.
46:33Oh, crap.
46:34It is our anniversary.
46:36Happy anniversary!
46:37I made a list of all the
46:38cool things we did this year.
46:40Oh, fun.
46:41Can I help?
46:42Yes.
46:43Can you think of a single
46:44cool thing we did this year?
46:46Well, both of our jobs
46:48are going great.
46:50Sure.
46:51I mean, my Air Force project
46:52got taken away
46:53and you're not crazy
46:54about selling pharmaceuticals.
46:57I'll just write down
46:58still employed.
47:01Oh, we had our
47:02second anniversary.
47:03Yeah, but we did
47:04kind of forget about it,
47:06so maybe just write
47:07still married.
47:11Okay.
47:13That's a start.
47:16What else?
47:20You know, maybe
47:22this is enough.
47:26Let's look at our pictures.
47:27That'll jog our memories.
47:30What is that a picture of?
47:32That's a mole on my back.
47:36Wanted to make sure
47:37it wasn't growing.
47:39How'd you get a picture
47:40of your own back?
47:41Sheldon took it.
47:42We're kind of mole buddies.
47:46Hey, that's a cute picture.
47:47Isn't that the day
47:48we almost went to the beach?
47:49Memorial Day?
47:50No, that was the day
47:51we almost went to the mountains.
47:54That's the great thing
47:55about California.
47:56You can almost go to the mountains
47:57and almost go to the beach
47:58on the same day.
47:59Okay, that's my dad.
48:00Now remember,
48:01do not bring up
48:02any baby stuff, right?
48:03Not me not wanting one,
48:04not you having one with Zach.
48:05Got it.
48:06And if he brings it up,
48:07change the subject
48:08to literally anything else.
48:09I got it.
48:10But not the Cornhuskers.
48:11Do not discuss the Cornhuskers.
48:13Is that a sports team?
48:15Never mind, you're good.
48:18Daddy!
48:19Slugger!
48:20Hi.
48:22Hey, Wyatt.
48:23Leonard.
48:24Hey.
48:25That's a hell of a handshake.
48:26Oh, well,
48:27I've been taking vitamins.
48:30Dad, come on in.
48:31Sit down.
48:32Can I get you something to drink?
48:33Maybe a beer?
48:34Sure, if you're having one.
48:35Okay.
48:36Why wouldn't you?
48:37Since you're not pregnant.
48:40Um...
48:42Leonard wants to have a baby
48:43with my ex-boyfriend, Zach.
48:51How about those Cornhuskers?
48:55That's the fourth time
48:56she's been to the bathroom
48:57in the last two hours.
48:59So?
49:00Her breakfast was binding.
49:02I made sure of that.
49:05So?
49:06So she clearly has
49:07some sort of stomach distress.
49:08If it's viral,
49:09we're all susceptible.
49:11She's probably just airsick.
49:13What if she's not?
49:14What if we get what she has?
49:15What if we infect
49:16the king of Sweden?
49:17That's how wars start.
49:19All right, that's it.
49:20This is Outbreak,
49:21and she's the monkey.
49:24Wait.
49:25Stop.
49:26Be reasonable.
49:29Leonard,
49:30we need to do something
49:31about your wife.
49:32What's the matter?
49:33She's clearly sick,
49:34and she's going to take us
49:35all down with her.
49:36She's not sick, Sheldon.
49:37She is,
49:38and I'm going to catch it,
49:39and it's going to ruin
49:40the greatest day of my life.
49:41I promise you,
49:42I promise.
49:43I promise.
49:44I promise.
49:45I promise.
49:46I promise.
49:47This is the best day
49:48of my life.
49:49I promise
49:50you're not going to get
49:51what she has.
49:52What's going on?
49:53I'm clean.
49:54I'm clean.
49:55What?
49:56He thinks you're sick.
49:57Oh.
49:59Should we tell him?
50:00Well, if we don't,
50:01he might try and jump
50:02out of the plane.
50:03That doesn't answer
50:04my question.
50:05Tell me what.
50:08I'm pregnant, Sheldon.
50:10You're right.
50:11I can't catch that.
50:12Good news, Amy.
50:18She's just pregnant.
50:19I was there the moment Leonard and Penny met.
50:23He said to me that their babies would be smart and beautiful.
50:29And now that they're expecting, I have no doubt that that will be the case.
50:32Thanks, Sheldon.
50:33I haven't told my parents yet, but thanks.
50:38Oh, I'm sorry.
50:42Don't tell anyone that last thing.
50:43That's a secret.