Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00I want to get me, Michael, I'm ready.
00:03For my friend Sonya, I want to know
00:08this is what you really want and you're not just settling.
00:11At the end of the day, I want to be able to
00:15step away from one of my jobs.
00:18Yeah.
00:19What do you think you're doing enough?
00:24For me, for one person, yeah.
00:25Are you marrying yourself?
00:28I love a man and anything I gotta do, you know I'm willing to do that.
00:31Michael's answers were too vague.
00:33That just raises a flag for me.
00:39The grief is that you would actually have to end it.
00:43You know, I really love him.
00:45I'm so glad I bought this mansion.
00:56I'm going to take you to it right now.
00:57This is a surprise.
00:58This winding road, unbelievable.
01:02I'm Sonya.
01:03I'm Michael.
01:04And we are Engage.
01:07Three years ago, I was getting off of work.
01:10It began to rain and I seen this beautiful woman
01:14and I asked her if she needed an umbrella.
01:17I respectfully declined.
01:19And then she gave like a look back.
01:22So I introduced myself.
01:24I was a little undecided if I wanted to call or not,
01:27but you were easy on the eyes and I ended up giving you a call.
01:31And since that day, three years ago, we spoke every day.
01:35I'm excited.
01:36I'm excited to meet your family.
01:38We just have to be able to accept feedback
01:41and be able to be receptive of what people are saying.
01:45When it comes to me and Michael, communication is a huge issue.
01:50If we continue to sweep things under the rug,
01:52me personally, I'm going to start building up some sort of resentment
01:55because I have not been able to release how I'm feeling
01:58and you're not listening.
01:59I just try to avoid confrontation a lot.
02:01Arguing back and forth.
02:03My grandfather always told me never argue with a woman.
02:05You'll never win.
02:06She won't stop.
02:08And I haven't got that in the middle of my brain yet.
02:15She looks beautiful in person.
02:16She does.
02:19Come on and get me, Michael.
02:20I'm ready.
02:21All right.
02:22Oh, wow.
02:23Hi.
02:24Hi.
02:25Welcome to Family Rebouncing.
02:26Thank you so much.
02:28So nice to meet you.
02:30Nice to meet you.
02:31Really great to meet you both.
02:32This is going to be your house for the next three days.
02:34Wow, it's beautiful.
02:35Take a look around and we'll get started.
02:37Okay.
02:39Wow, very nice.
02:44All right, let's manifest this right now.
02:46This is it.
02:47This is definitely it.
02:48Wow, this beautiful mansion.
02:50I'm like immediately manifesting it for myself.
02:54Hello.
02:55Hi.
02:56Well, congratulations on your engagement.
02:59And how long has it been since you got engaged?
03:01A year, almost a year.
03:03Almost a year.
03:04Almost a year.
03:05How long did you guys date and what was that like?
03:07We've been together about three years, but mentally it seems like it was 10.
03:11Hmm.
03:12Because we spoke every day.
03:13We were both always with each other at each other's homes.
03:17My son lives with me and Michael's daughter, we all moved in together.
03:21How does that work?
03:22Is it working or?
03:24We struggle with communication.
03:25I'm busy.
03:26What do you mean?
03:27She goes, well, must be nice.
03:30When you want to go to the Knicks game and I've been working all week
03:34and I come home and the house isn't clean and there's nothing to eat
03:37and I still have to take care of my son, well, it must be nice.
03:40Actually, you guys are communicating just fine.
03:42Michael, you just don't like what's being communicated to you
03:45and you don't like what's being communicated to you.
03:48And you're making sure that you communicate that you don't like it.
03:51That's it.
03:52Let's talk about what you guys do for a living.
03:54I'm an HVAC technician.
03:55Okay.
03:56I work for a company and I also have my own small business.
03:59And what do you do?
04:00I'm a special services director.
04:02I own Body Language Spa and I am the owner of Brides by Sonya Castleberry.
04:07You work almost like workaholic levels of work.
04:12I'm trying to feel secure.
04:16I get it.
04:17And I don't like relying.
04:19Yeah, but you need to be able to do that.
04:21In a partnership, I want to be able to.
04:24I would love to take care of her.
04:25I would love for her to just stop doing anything.
04:28Like just don't do nothing.
04:29Let me take care of everything.
04:30But it's just not the way of life for me right now.
04:32It's not.
04:33I just feel like he shouldn't say it's not.
04:35That's my problem.
04:36Okay.
04:37Not yet.
04:38Because I feel like I see more potential in him than he even sees in himself.
04:40Yeah, that's very common.
04:42And I feel like he can, but.
04:45That difference translates to the ability to respect someone
04:51and especially to respect a man.
04:53I think that's the bigger issue.
04:55And when family members see that, that's a red flag for them.
05:00That you can't relax.
05:02And that you can't 100% feel supported.
05:08Why don't you start by telling me, each of you, who's coming.
05:12We have Patricia, who is my mother.
05:14Bernard, who is my father.
05:16And Jordan, who is my really good friend.
05:19Who's coming from your side?
05:21I have my mother, Kim.
05:23I have my grandmother, Doris, here as well.
05:25And my daughter, Janiyah.
05:27My daughter, me and her relationship was not the best.
05:29I would love for it to be better.
05:33Her mom died at 12.
05:35And he took her in.
05:37It's a lot of loss.
05:38I try to talk to her, but it's like I don't get too much feedback from her.
05:43She does need me at times.
05:44I feel like I failed as a father.
05:46Well, you're not done.
05:47That's the thing.
05:48You can start finding out what she needs and giving it to her.
05:52And I can say there's a lot of healing here for you if you want it.
05:55Not everybody wants it.
05:57But you definitely want it.
06:00Absolutely.
06:03Well, we can help with that.
06:05Let's talk about your tasks.
06:07Sonia, your task is called Budget Breakdown.
06:11You are going to write down your monthly budget
06:14and the amount that you want Michael to contribute.
06:18Michael's family is going to write down questions
06:20to really bring up the concerns around money
06:25and how that's working in this relationship.
06:28Okay.
06:29Michael, your task is called 20 Questions.
06:32Sonia's family is going to write down questions on note cards.
06:36And then you're going to respond one by one to their questions and concerns.
06:41This is really an opportunity for people to say more
06:44about how they're feeling and what their concerns are.
06:46Sounds good.
06:47Okay.
06:48All right.
06:49Go out there, make it happen.
06:52See you in the morning.
06:57I'm ready and looking forward to meeting Michael for the first time.
07:01And I really feel like it's going to be some healing done.
07:04I really do.
07:05I believe Sonia and Michael are not equally yoked yet.
07:08I think in terms of their goals and aspirations,
07:11they're just on two different levels right now.
07:14Sonia is a boss.
07:16I know Sonia is the breadwinner of the household
07:18and takes care of most of the finances.
07:20And I want to come out of this experience more confident in Michael
07:23that he can be the partner that Sonia deserves.
07:26That's right.
07:27That's good.
07:29Sounds like it's a doorbell.
07:32Hey!
07:34Made it.
07:36Nice to meet you.
07:38Hey, Mom.
07:39How are you?
07:40Meeting Michael for the first time, I like how he addresses me.
07:43And I think he's a friendly person.
07:45And I feel like I already know him.
07:47I'm really glad to meet you.
07:48I'm going to be calling you Dad soon.
07:49It's okay.
07:50You don't mind if I call you Dad?
07:51I'm okay.
07:52I'm looking forward to it.
07:53Yeah?
07:54All right.
07:55I'm looking forward to finding out who my new son-in-law is going to be.
07:57I would like to see them really come together and everybody's happy.
08:00Not just love each other for it, because I love you and I'm making it work.
08:04How you doing, sir?
08:06Jordan.
08:08That's your daddy.
08:09And we're here to support you through it.
08:11Once the family gets together, I think there's going to be a positive change.
08:17Yeah.
08:18I feel that Sonia is a little overbearing for Mickey.
08:23I know that she expects more from him financially.
08:34I want to try to fix a little bit of the relationship with my dad.
08:38Hey, baby.
08:39And with Sonia, too, so that we can have a solid relationship, the three of us together.
08:44Hi, how are you?
08:45Mrs. Smith.
08:46Sonia's Tony's dad.
08:47Bringing the family together this week, I'm feeling a lot of tension.
08:52Because sometimes people can see things that you don't really see.
08:54Yeah.
09:02So, hey, guys.
09:03I'm glad you all made it.
09:04As you know, me and Sonia are engaged.
09:06I'm going to start with Janiyah.
09:08Do you have any concerns?
09:09You guys need to figure out what's causing you guys to bump heads when you guys are communicating about things.
09:17And I feel like all three of us should work on our relationship as a family.
09:22Okay.
09:23Thank you, Janiyah.
09:24Grandma, do you have any concerns?
09:27My concerns are finance.
09:30You seem to have problems with that.
09:32And I would like for you to try to start managing your finances.
09:36I know you don't make a lot of money, but you got to utilize it so that you can be able to do the things that you want to do.
09:45That's it.
09:46Thank you, Grandma.
09:47Mom, do you have any concerns?
09:49I do have concerns.
09:51I want you to communicate more with Sonia and just take care of her needs.
09:57Thanks, Mom.
09:58Mom, do you have any concerns?
10:01My concerns are you guys being able to blend your family and also about how Mickey would support you in your career.
10:10She works a lot and help take some of the load off of her.
10:13Thank you, Mom.
10:14Dad, do you have any concerns?
10:16Until today, I had never met him.
10:18And I've been hearing a lot about you and your daughter.
10:21And I just want to see you be there to support Sonia in everything that she does.
10:27Thank you, Dad.
10:29Jordan, do you have any concerns?
10:31My first concern is around Mickey and knowing what are your plans to make sure that you are building a partnership with Sonia.
10:38My second concern is for my friend Sonia.
10:40I want to know that this is what you really want and you're not just settling.
10:45Jordan really doesn't know me like that.
10:47To hear Jordan say Sonia may be settling was kind of like a slap in the face.
10:52He should get to know me more before judging me.
11:00I want to know that this is what you really want and you're not just settling for love and just settling just for the space that you're in.
11:07But making sure that you're making decisions that aligns to what your future goals and aspirations are as well.
11:11Thank you, Jordan.
11:13Him not wanting me to settle comes from a place of love.
11:20Hmm.
11:23Our relationship coach, Tracy, has a task for both families to do with Michael and I.
11:30My task is to create a monthly budget.
11:33You'll have a chance to ask me as many questions as you need to.
11:36My task is with Sonia's family.
11:39You guys are going to come up with 20 questions.
11:41I will answer them and get to know each other better.
11:44Let's go and get to know each other.
11:53I have a lot of questions.
11:55I never had got to ask these.
12:03Family.
12:05Family.
12:07Hi.
12:13My task was for you guys to give me 20 questions that will answer honestly to all of you.
12:17First question.
12:19How do you feel about Sonia working so much?
12:21I don't like it at all.
12:24If she had to work a day in her life, I wouldn't want to work a day in her life.
12:28But that's not who Sonia is by character.
12:30She wants to work.
12:32So how do you feel about her wanting to work so much?
12:35I don't agree with it because I see it wearing her down.
12:38My plan is to take the workload off her.
12:40What does that look like?
12:41Anything physically, mentally I can do to just help her out with it, that's the best I can do.
12:47My task was to sit with you guys and do a budget breakdown.
12:51And I also listed all of the expenses for the month just in the household.
12:55Nothing else.
12:56And what I want to see from Mickey and what I feel like he can do and I'm going to tell you how he can do it.
13:01So the average total for me is about $3,695 a month.
13:05His average total is around $1,200.
13:07If you look over there, my name is beside what I handle.
13:11The rent, $25, utilities, anywhere from $400 to $500.
13:14The cell phones, around $295.
13:16Car insurance for me, $300.
13:18I'm not sure what his car insurance was, that's why I just put that.
13:21So what I'm saying is, you can give an additional $1,000.
13:25Why?
13:26Because I work three jobs.
13:30I just need you to help me.
13:32So if I come home, if I'm working my butt off.
13:37Yeah, I understand Sonja.
13:39Okay, Sonja.
13:41Do you have a plan to increase your financial contribution to this partnership with Sonja?
13:47I don't know the last time I even had a brand new pair of sneakers for myself.
13:51You know?
13:52Michael's answers were too vague, which to me just shows that he hasn't thought about those questions beforehand or those topics.
13:58That just raises a flag for me.
14:00I think it's actually like you saying that you want more and you both are building and wanting more.
14:04So what are you going to do to get the more?
14:06To get more.
14:07Oh, to get the more.
14:08I need to get off the video game.
14:11I want to be able to step away from one of my jobs.
14:14Yeah.
14:15And be able to come home and cook at my house.
14:18Yes.
14:19Cook.
14:20I can't do all of these things and come home and see you on a game when I know what you can do.
14:27I agree with you 100%.
14:29He needs to get on his grind.
14:31Yeah.
14:32He really do.
14:33Now, a video game is a video game, but preferably it's basketball.
14:37I have like this hoop dream.
14:38I couldn't make it pro.
14:39I played basketball all my life.
14:40I have a whole crew of friends I knew for years on the game.
14:43I do it a little too much.
14:44I believe if I balance that, I can increase the financial contribution.
14:48I'll work on it.
14:50I think it has become very hard for Mickey because we have, or I'll just put myself there,
14:57enabled him for so long that he doesn't really know how to come out of it.
15:03It's like a mama's boy.
15:05I'm a key in all of this mess.
15:07You know, he's came to me and said, Grandma, can you loan me some money so I can pay all my bills up?
15:13Wow.
15:15So Ma, how much money have you loaned Mickey?
15:19I don't know.
15:20Maybe about $7,000.
15:23What?
15:26You said $7,000?
15:29Oh, no.
15:31Where'd that $7,000 go?
15:34Wow.
15:38I'm a little caught off guard when Doris, she says she loaned Mickey thousands of dollars.
15:44Wow.
15:46Does he pay you back the loan?
15:48No, I haven't been paid back.
15:49No, but it's on you.
15:50If he says to me, loan, I'm getting my money back.
15:54And by the way, me and my mother pays Mickey's insurance.
16:02We're doing this separated thing, like noodle, meat, sauce.
16:06No, we're hungry.
16:07Or are you putting it all together?
16:09I mean, I'm at this point, I don't care how I eat it.
16:14I'm just hungry.
16:15Smells good.
16:16Are you all ready to eat?
16:18Yes.
16:19I am.
16:20Circulate.
16:22So my task was 20 questions that Sonya's family came up with.
16:28And one of the questions was, what can I do to contribute more financial contribution to our relationship?
16:34My daily routine as far as the video game coming home, instead of making it five hours a game, Tom make it two.
16:40Huh? Oh my goodness.
16:44You said from five hours to two hours.
16:48How about no hours?
16:50He said from five hours to two hours.
16:52That's like my drink. That's like my piece of mind.
16:54You don't drink for five hours.
16:56That's your escape.
16:58That's your crutch.
17:00That has to stop.
17:02There's a lot of things that you can be doing to get your business where it needs to be.
17:07Are you willing to make the sacrifice?
17:09I make sacrifices every day.
17:11I've been in business most of my life for myself.
17:14And I've taken sacrifices.
17:17You throw insecurities away.
17:19It's time to big boy up.
17:21I've contracted out plenty of guys that do the same thing I do.
17:25So do you want to take that to the next level?
17:29Not what I want.
17:30Do you want to do it?
17:31I'm doing a lot, man.
17:32I look like I'm the five hour video game thing.
17:35I mean, I contributed.
17:36That's baloney.
17:37I'm going to get off that subject because no one's disputing if you're doing a lot.
17:40We all do a lot, but do you think you're doing enough?
17:42That's the question.
17:43For me, for one person, yeah.
17:46So are you marrying yourself?
17:51What's your feedback to that?
17:53I don't have no feedback.
17:54See, that's the problem.
17:55You don't have a feedback.
17:56So you want people to dictate to you, but you don't have feedback.
18:00You got to have some type of feedback.
18:02I do feel attacked.
18:04And, of course, her parents thinking my daughter here is doing everything and he's just hanging around.
18:09That didn't feel good to me.
18:17How do you feel about your grandmother saying she needs to stop enabling you or she has enabled you?
18:23I felt good and bad because we know she's my safety net.
18:28But, you know, her blessings mean a lot to me.
18:31And if I don't get her blessings, nine times out of ten, I really won't go do what I want to do.
18:37You're a grown man.
18:38I understand that.
18:39Sonia, but you got to understand, growing up all my life, I've been taking her advice.
18:44And I came up all right.
18:47It's not about not taking advice.
18:49I'll let you finish talking.
18:50That's the problem we have at home.
18:51You always cut me off.
18:53I do value her opinion.
18:54I do.
18:55You should definitely value her opinion.
18:56And now, being older, I'm so used to it.
19:09Do you want some coffee?
19:14The coffee's over here.
19:17Yesterday, I was the one that was driving some of the harder questions because I, you know, experience him more than they do.
19:23And I'm still not confident that he is self-sufficient in himself and his own plans and goals.
19:29That's a lot of stuff he has to deal with.
19:31For himself, though.
19:32For himself.
19:33Not for me.
19:35Not for you.
19:36Not for me.
19:37And that's where I don't feel like it's landing.
19:40And I don't want you to take on additional stress and additional issues that you don't need to.
19:48And listen, I need to see something, honey.
19:50Just give me a hug.
19:51Because if I have to get asked about the blessing again, child, it's right now.
19:55It's a no.
20:02Good morning.
20:03Hi, good morning.
20:05Come on in.
20:06How's it been?
20:08This was good.
20:09So far, so good?
20:11It was just so much yesterday.
20:12Like, I felt like I was being attacked.
20:14I feel like I'm doing the most and it's not good enough for everybody else.
20:18It's not enough.
20:19Right.
20:20So let's hear how the tasks went.
20:22You gave us a task of doing the budget breakdown where I was to create what I would like for Michael to contribute.
20:27His mother and grandmother, they were unaware of the responsibility.
20:32And grandma was able to state that she's been an enabler.
20:35He goes to his grandmother a lot for money.
20:38She did throw a number out there and it was a large number to have given.
20:43And mom also, they were both able to name that it needed to stop.
20:47A lot of times when people have dysfunction in money, they're very vague about money.
20:53And the vagueness is how they stay dysfunctional.
20:57It's not just Michael, right?
20:59He can't be doing all this by himself, right?
21:03So the more concrete it gets, it becomes a lot harder to stay in the dysfunction around money when you know exactly what it is.
21:11How much more do you want Michael to contribute?
21:15I only ask for him to contribute $1,000 extra.
21:19And do you feel like $1,000 a month is something you can do?
21:24I can do more than that.
21:25I can do more than that.
21:27It's basically just cutting the video game loose.
21:30Okay.
21:31Taking that time to get more clients in my business and just help her out more in that way.
21:35I do cook. Let's not get this. I do cook. I do clean. I'm just not consistent.
21:39No one's saying you don't work hard for what the life Sonia has in mind.
21:47It's not enough.
21:48You're having to come to terms with reality, both of you.
21:52Yep.
21:54My advice is this, only get married if you can be happy, if nothing changes.
22:02And I'm going to say, if you're honest with yourself right now, that's not true.
22:07Your whole plan is that he's going to change.
22:11Can you accept Michael where he is?
22:14I can't accept him where he is right now.
22:16Right.
22:17And get married.
22:18Right.
22:20I'm learning.
22:23I'm learning to not put where I feel people should be onto them.
22:30Why is that making you cry?
22:34You know, with us, I really love him.
22:39I feel like I see more in him sometimes than he sees in himself.
22:45When tears come, I know that you're at the truth.
22:51And oftentimes, it's a thing you don't want to be true.
22:55And it's hard.
22:56I know.
22:58I know.
22:59It's so hard for people to swallow.
23:01Right.
23:02Because you invest so much time.
23:05And so what is the right thing to do, you know?
23:08I mean, I think the grief is that you would actually have to end it.
23:15That's what these tears are.
23:21How was therapy?
23:22How do you process?
23:23I love Amanda.
23:24Anything I got to do to improve, you know, I'm willing to do that.
23:28Help me out, because I ain't losing my lady now.
23:30I ain't losing Sonya, bro.
23:31I just feel like I haven't been the best that I can be to her.
23:34I just thought that she would just get over it.
23:51New time, Saturday, March 1st, 8, 7 Central.
23:56I know.
23:59I mean, I think the grief is that you would actually have to end it.
24:04That's what these tears are.
24:06Michael, how are you feeling about hearing this?
24:09Like, I knew she felt this way for a little while, but I didn't really know the extent.
24:21I know this is so hard, but without this landing on you, no one can change.
24:29I just did everything I could do, you know?
24:30I know.
24:32And then it's, she's not happy with things, and it just sucks.
24:36And you feel like, you know, there's too little to your life.
24:40Yeah.
24:43I try, man. It's just, you know, maybe it's not enough.
24:46It's about trying different.
24:48You can start with your daughter.
24:50Because basically, both of these two women need the same thing from you.
24:55They need you to move into an adult space.
24:59So let's talk about your task, Michael.
25:03I want you to sit down with Dr. Allie, because she works with generational trauma.
25:08And she can help you begin to unpack.
25:12Because I think the thing is, is you want to open up that bridge of communication with Janiyah.
25:17Okay.
25:20Leaving the meeting with Tracy is super heavy for me.
25:24Heavy for us.
25:25Heavy for us.
25:28Just the conversation that went on in there with Sonia not willing to marry me today, it felt like a ton of bricks hit my heart.
25:43I immediately said to myself, I have to do better.
25:47Because I'm not losing my woman.
25:49I will do better.
25:55How was therapy?
25:57Heavy. Reprocessing.
25:58Yeah, it was a lot.
26:00Help me out, because I ain't losing my lady, man.
26:02I ain't losing Sonia, bro.
26:03I love her, man.
26:04Because I ain't losing my lady, man.
26:05I ain't losing Sonia, bro.
26:06I love her, man.
26:07Anything I gotta do to improve, make it better, you know I'm willing to do that.
26:12I got a lot of growing up to do.
26:14I'm not letting her go, bro.
26:15And the state we in now, it can't continue.
26:18It's not fair to her.
26:26Hi!
26:27How are y'all doing?
26:28Good.
26:29My name is Dr. Ali, and I am a mental health expert and life coach.
26:34And I'm here to just sit down with y'all to have a little conversation about your relationship.
26:37Just kind of see where we've been and see where we're headed.
26:40I don't like talking my feelings out.
26:43I'd rather keep it in, and I know it's not good, but I'd rather not talk to nobody about how I feel.
26:50Me and Janiyah's relationship, I would like to make it a little more stronger than what it is.
26:56Unfortunately, at the age of 12 years old, Janiyah's mom passed away.
27:00Sorry.
27:01She lived in Albany, New York, and I lived in New York City.
27:03She actually came down from New York City to stay with me.
27:06I raised her, assistance from my grandmother and mother.
27:09But during that time, I didn't know what to do.
27:12At times, you know, I felt like I failed as a dad.
27:17I just feel like I haven't been, you know, the best that I can be to her.
27:22Those are heavy words.
27:24Yeah, and my biggest regret was not getting her to talk to someone when her mom passed.
27:31I just, like, kind of brushed it under the rug and just raised her.
27:35And I think that she's holding a lot in.
27:38I feel like I'm to blame for that.
27:39I just thought that she would just get over it, you know.
27:42And even, like, today, up to today, me and Janiyah have our back and forths.
27:46She's in a new relationship now.
27:48She doesn't come home like she used to.
27:50And I feel like this new relationship that she's in...
27:54is providing the love that she was looking for.
27:57I never gave her.
27:59You're saying some heavy stuff, Dad.
28:01I'm feeling a lot of guilt off of you.
28:04Yeah.
28:05What's going through your head now?
28:09I just, I feel messed up.
28:11I feel like I wish I could go back in time, but I can't.
28:14Prior to her coming to me, I was living a lifestyle that was just, whew.
28:18So when she came, it was like a whole 360.
28:20Everything had to change.
28:21My habit.
28:22I thank my mom and my grandma so much for just, like, filling in that void for me.
28:26Janiyah, what is it like to hear your dad say these things?
28:29Have you heard him say this before?
28:31I don't think so.
28:32No.
28:33I know we don't talk like that.
28:35Like, we should.
28:36I don't know.
28:37For some reason, I just never had, like, a strong, strong bond with my dad.
28:41Like, what I had with my mom.
28:43I never wanted to move to the city, so I was mad about that.
28:48And, like, when we argue, I know he only wants the best for me and stuff,
28:53but I don't be wanting to hear it.
28:55And when we argue, I say things to hurt his feelings.
28:59Kind of reacting from your own hurt?
29:01Mm-hmm.
29:02But I don't know what hurts me, though, so.
29:04One of the symptoms of trauma is numbness.
29:08And do you think that that's what you're experiencing?
29:10Yeah.
29:11I don't like feeling how I felt.
29:15And when I do start to feel that way, I don't think about it.
29:18I think of something else.
29:19Would you mind telling me how you did feel that day, the day your mom passed?
29:22What happened?
29:24She had an asthma attack, and she called me to the bathroom
29:28because she thought, like, she had bad stomach pain,
29:30and she had, like, collapsed on the floor, telling me to call the hospital.
29:35So she asked me to get her medicine, and I was getting mad,
29:38and I started crying because I didn't know what to do or where it was
29:43or how to operate it so I could help her.
29:46I was trying to explain it to the people on the phone.
29:48Like, I don't know how to use this, and she needs it.
29:51Like, can you just hurry up and help me?
29:54And they wanted me to do CPR, but I didn't know what to do.
29:57I didn't know how to do that.
29:58They wanted me to turn her over.
29:59I couldn't do that because I was scared to touch her.
30:02That's why I blame myself for that.
30:07Because I didn't help her when I needed to.
30:12I'm so sorry.
30:21I can't stop, like, talking about it.
30:23It's okay.
30:24This is what you do.
30:25This is what we have to go through, hon.
30:26I'm so sorry.
30:28There's a lot of us that hold anxiety very deep inside,
30:30and we're just kind of frozen.
30:33There's a term, survivor's guilt.
30:35So a lot of people, when they witness someone die,
30:38even if they had nothing to do with it at all, they feel guilty.
30:41Like, why am I here?
30:42Why didn't I do more?
30:43Yeah.
30:45You're not experiencing some strange symptom.
30:47This is a common experience.
30:50I will tell you right now, there is no 12-year-old on this planet
30:53that is a medical doctor that could have intervened in any way.
30:57There isn't anything you could have done.
30:59You called.
31:00That was the best you could do.
31:01And this is some of the ways that you can maybe start to work your way
31:03through these experiences and these emotions is reminding yourself,
31:06like, when those thoughts, because those thoughts are going to come up.
31:08It's going to say, this was my fault.
31:09If I had done better, maybe she'd be here.
31:10Maybe this, maybe that.
31:12But you have to remind yourself, I did the best I could do.
31:14You did, baby.
31:15I did the best I could do.
31:17We can extend compassion to ourselves.
31:20Both of you are experiencing a lot of loss, a lot of grief,
31:23and attacking and blaming yourself might not be as helpful.
31:27It's adding a problem to a problem.
31:30How do you feel being supported by your dad right now?
31:33It feels good.
31:35Does this happen a lot?
31:37No, because I don't go to him.
31:40How does it feel to go to him now?
31:42It feels fine.
31:46How does it feel to hear that?
31:48Love it.
31:49That's what I want to hear.
31:50That's what I want to be here for, you know?
31:53So when it comes to the future,
31:54what kind of relationship do you want with your dad?
31:58A good relationship, like daughter and father should have.
32:02Is it more like, you know, me and you just do things together,
32:07pick you up and let's go catch a movie or something,
32:10or just take vacations together, just daddy-daughter days,
32:14things like that, that'd be helpful?
32:16I mean, I wouldn't really care to do those,
32:18but probably just me being able to talk to you about stuff.
32:22Mm-hmm.
32:23So talking is really important for you right now?
32:25Yeah.
32:26So we have to work on that, too.
32:27I may have a not-so-cool way of showing it, but I'm working.
32:31You believe that he's working on it?
32:33Mm-hmm.
32:34Seems like this is a very different type of conversation for y'all to have.
32:37First.
32:38That's good.
32:39How does it feel to be this open?
32:40I feel good.
32:41I don't feel, like, tip-top, but it's a little progress.
32:45I never, you know, last time she tried, I held her, you know?
32:53How about you?
32:54Same.
32:55I love you.
32:56I love you, too.
32:58I haven't held her in that way in years.
33:05I feel like a whole new dad.
33:08I feel like I have a whole new shot, a whole new opportunity,
33:12and that was something I wanted for a long, long, long time.
33:28When I go home, it's going to be a whole new chapter.
33:47You're going to be with me in that chapter,
33:50and I'm going to leave behind all the old habits, you know,
33:53the video game and being more attentive to you
33:56when it comes to you working those late nights and coming home
34:00and just looking for someone to listen to you of how your day was.
34:05And most importantly, be consistent.
34:08So I'm going to work on that.
34:10I'm going to do that.
34:11Not working on it no more.
34:12I've been trying to work on it.
34:13I'm going to do that.
34:15I'm super glad we came up because, like, if I wouldn't have came here,
34:19I wouldn't have known the things that really, really bother you.
34:28And with Janiyah, that was just, like, a lot for the better, though.
34:36And I'm super happy that that happened.
34:39I love you.
34:42And I want to prove, Michael.
34:45Okay.
34:46Okay.
34:47All right, just get some sleep.
34:49All right.
34:50All right.
35:01If I'm in a jam, I'm going to turn to family.
35:05Because that's just what we do, and it's vice versa.
35:07What's wrong with asking for help?
35:08What's the difference from asking you and asking the bank?
35:11But the bank will come after you if you don't pay them their money.
35:14So how much have you paid her back?
35:16Probably about.
35:20It's still pending.
35:31Good morning.
35:33Okay, here we are, day three.
35:35Yeah.
35:36Yesterday, you, Michael, sat down with your daughter and Dr. Ali.
35:39Yes.
35:40How did it go?
35:41It went great.
35:43I got to hear her issues.
35:44I never knew that she felt responsible.
35:47Oh, wow.
35:48For her mom passing.
35:49And that was heavy on me.
35:51I promised her, when we go home, we'll work on talking to somebody more often.
35:56Mm-hmm.
35:57For the first time in, like, a long time, she actually held me and cried.
36:01Hmm.
36:02And I cried with her.
36:04It just felt so good, because I haven't felt that from her in so long.
36:08Amazing.
36:10I love hearing that.
36:11Michael, tell me what you think Sonya's asking for.
36:15Be her other half in everything.
36:19And what she needs is, like, what I need, too.
36:21And it kind of works for both of us, you know?
36:23That's what I wanted you to say.
36:24And I understand that now.
36:25Mm-hmm.
36:26I would say you need some concrete actions where there's a way to measure the progress.
36:31Right.
36:32So, for example, you make some agreements around the video games.
36:35So maybe that's five days a week for one hour a day, whatever your agreement is.
36:40Mm-hmm.
36:41And then we see if the agreements can hold.
36:43If this can be fixed, it can be done.
36:45I know what I have to do.
36:46I'm going to do it.
36:47So.
36:48Feels different.
36:49Well, that's a pretty solid ending, you guys.
36:52It's time for the blessing ceremony.
36:54We'll see how people feel.
37:06Hey, family.
37:07Hello.
37:08Hey, hi.
37:09Thank you, God, for flying out and spending these three days with us.
37:12Me and Sonia are getting married.
37:14We would like to know if you guys are going to give us your blessings or not.
37:20So, starting with you, Mom.
37:22Do I have your blessing?
37:23My experience has been wonderful as far as your major breakthrough with Janiyah
37:29and your willingness to meet Sonia's needs and to continue therapy.
37:35And with that, you have my blessings.
37:40Janiyah.
37:41As I've been here, I was able to rekindle our relationship and make it better,
37:47as well as me noticing that you guys are making your relationship stronger.
37:52As far as my blessing, I give both of you guys my blessing.
37:58Thank you, Janiyah.
38:00Grandma, do I have your blessing?
38:03Well, my concerns were issues of finances.
38:07Since being here, I can see that you have a determination to do things better
38:13and work on yourself.
38:15With that, I gave you my blessings.
38:19Thank you, Grandma.
38:22Now moving on to my family.
38:24Mom, do I have your blessing?
38:28Coming into this experience, I see the love between you and Mickey.
38:34As for my blessings, you definitely have my blessings.
38:38Thank you, Mom.
38:40Dad.
38:41I've noticed some differences in opinions, but that's life.
38:46And you all have overcome those things, and I've seen it.
38:49I love my daughter.
38:50I'm proud of you and your decisions.
38:52At this point, I give you my blessings.
38:55Thank you, Dad.
38:57Jordan, do I have your blessing?
39:01I had concerns around Mickey knowing what your plans and goals were,
39:06as well as Sonya making sure that you're not settling.
39:08Throughout these last few days, I'm excited to have gotten to know you a little bit more
39:12in regards to my blessing.
39:17To give my blessing was to give it in hope.
39:20And I'm not sure if I want my friend to marry in hope right now.
39:26So for that, I cannot give my blessing right now.
39:30But I have the faith that if things continue to change and build,
39:33that my blessing is definitely coming.
39:35Thank you, Jordan.
39:39Family, thank you again for spending these days with us.
39:43We have definitely all individually done some work.
39:47Yeah.
39:48With that being said, we can all breathe and exhale and give each other a hug.
39:53Come on.
39:57Oh, I love you.
40:00I truly and genuinely believe that they are willing to go however far,
40:06however deep to work on their relationship.
40:09They have the tools.
40:10They'll do the work.
40:12That simple.
40:15You're so awesome.
40:17All right, Mickey.
40:19There are cameras everywhere.
40:21And Grandma, Ms. Doris, she's like, I don't think you're ready for marriage,
40:26but do you want me to give the blessing?
40:28And you did write down what you wanted Grandma to say.
40:37Okay.
40:39Mm-hmm.
40:40So do you still feel like Grandma's blessing is sincere?
40:44Even though I wrote down what I wrote down, I think it's sincere.
40:47To me, I'm not sure Doris' blessing is sincere
40:50because it does go back to that enabling.
40:53And it doesn't feel good.
40:57Nope.
40:58If she had any doubt that I couldn't change my ways,
41:01she would disregard it.
41:03I gave my blessings because this is what Mickey wants.