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00:00I've had a lot of people sit across from me and I've never had this.
00:06The stuff you don't know is that we're engaged.
00:08Oh, goodness.
00:09No. Something's not right.
00:12We try to keep this under wraps because we're related.
00:15How far removed are you as cousins?
00:21I feel like your whole demeanor changes when he comes and you're just fake.
00:26I'm your child. You're not mine. I didn't ask to be here.
00:29Well, don't do this.
00:30Okay, wait. Give me one second.
00:36Many people around you are like, this is killing me.
00:39You're gonna lose them.
00:59I'm Jamika. And I'm James. And we're engaged.
01:03James and I met in 1999 at a family funeral.
01:09Our life just took separate paths.
01:11We reconnected on social media back in 2018.
01:15From there, we talked nonstop.
01:17It seemed like I was talking to myself. Everything just flowed.
01:21After two months, we decided to move in.
01:24James and my mom actually grew up together. They're second cousins.
01:30I'm nervous.
01:31I was fine up until this morning.
01:35Once I revealed to my mom that we were dating,
01:39she was very angry, outraged, upset.
01:43Yes.
01:44October 29th of 2020, we got engaged.
01:48No one was present for the engagement.
01:50So our families do not know.
01:54I'm worried some people might shut down.
01:57Our families don't really know the reason they're coming.
02:01We couldn't tell them today, but it shows.
02:03I hope to clear the air.
02:05My idea was like, hey, let's get everybody in the room
02:08and just go ahead and throw it up against the wall, see what happens.
02:12Hello and welcome to Family or Fiancé.
02:15Shanika.
02:18James, you look really great.
02:21Here's your new house.
02:23Go in, take a look around, and then meet me in my office,
02:27and we'll get started.
02:29All right, thank you.
02:32Oh, this is nice.
02:33Oh, my gosh.
02:36There's like rooms everywhere.
02:38Yeah, there's like rooms on top of rooms with a side of rooms.
02:45Hello.
02:46Hello.
02:47Welcome.
02:48Have a seat.
02:50Congratulations on your engagement.
02:53I understand almost no one knows.
02:55Yes.
02:56Yes.
02:57It's going to be exciting.
02:58It's going to be exciting.
02:59It's going to be exciting.
03:00It's going to be exciting.
03:01It's going to be exciting.
03:02It's going to be exciting.
03:03Yes.
03:04Yes.
03:05It's going to be exciting.
03:06It really is.
03:07First of all, I noticed some high-level Manny action going on.
03:11Tell me about that.
03:13We, manicures, pedicures.
03:15The couple that Manny's together stays together?
03:17Yes.
03:18Tell me how the two of you met.
03:20We met in 1999.
03:22Our cousin died.
03:24Yes, our cousin.
03:27Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
03:31Time out.
03:32Tell me what you mean by our cousin.
03:34We are third cousins.
03:36His paternal grandmother is my maternal great-grandmother's sister.
03:45Third cousin sounds far away, but when you say it like your dad's mom is sisters with your mom's grandma, it doesn't sound very far away.
03:55Yes.
03:56Based on the research that we've done, we don't share DNA markers because of where we are.
04:01So you've done your DNA.
04:02So, yeah.
04:03I've had a lot of people sit across from me on that sofa, and I've never had this.
04:09Yeah.
04:10I've never had anybody tell me they met at a funeral, and I never had them tell me that they met at a funeral of a mutual relative.
04:16Yeah.
04:17I didn't know him before that time.
04:18I was 18 when we met at the funeral.
04:20So you were 18.
04:21Yes.
04:22And how old were you?
04:2330.
04:24What, 30?
04:25I mean, people would have a problem with that.
04:26Right.
04:27Yes.
04:28You know?
04:29Nothing ever happened between us.
04:30So, but you felt something.
04:31Well, I felt something, but he was not having it at all.
04:35And then somehow you came back together.
04:372018, we reconnected on social media.
04:40One of my buddies was like, who's that?
04:42Like, that's my cousin.
04:43He's like, she's cute.
04:44I'm like, she's married, leave her alone, you know?
04:46Wait a minute.
04:47You were married.
04:48Yes.
04:49When did you get a divorce?
04:51I haven't yet.
04:52This is a thick plot.
04:54So wait, James, what was your relationship status?
04:56I was married.
04:57Okay.
04:59I filed for divorce.
05:00It's pending.
05:01So your divorce isn't final?
05:03No.
05:04How many times have you been married?
05:05Three.
05:06Okay.
05:07So what was the courtship like?
05:09You met in August?
05:10Yes.
05:11And you put the ring on her finger?
05:13It was October 29th.
05:15How many times have you seen each other?
05:17Maybe three.
05:18Four.
05:19Four.
05:20Oh, goodness.
05:21You didn't think that was too soon?
05:23No.
05:24And why have you filed for divorce and you haven't?
05:27I'm not baby-stepping because there's all of our kids.
05:30I have six children from my marriage previously.
05:35I have two biological daughters from a marriage a while ago
05:39and three from the last marriage that I helped raise.
05:44What has been the reaction of your children?
05:47They are outraged, disgusted, angry.
05:52And no one knows that you're engaged.
05:55Right.
05:56Well, telling people will threaten the relationship
05:58because you're not going to be in your bubble anymore.
06:00But that's not going to last forever.
06:02Right.
06:03It's probably going to last about one more hour
06:07when you sit these people down and tell them that you are engaged.
06:12Yeah.
06:13I feel like it's time for you to tell me who's coming.
06:16For my side, there's my mom, Alana, my daughter, Lyric,
06:20and my best friend, Kristen.
06:23I'm really nervous going into this week.
06:25I expect drama.
06:26How do you think these three are going to respond?
06:29My mom, she won't explode, but she may have a lot of words to say.
06:34He and my mom, they were really close and they grew up together.
06:38It's kind of like you're trying to marry your mom's cousin.
06:41Yeah.
06:42Okay.
06:43James, same thing for you.
06:45Tell me who's coming.
06:46Kiana, my second daughter.
06:48You make my brethren.
06:50And Cedric is a friend.
06:52I'm worried about my temper, girl.
06:54You're not happy.
06:55How are the people on your side going to react?
06:57My side is going to be, there might not be a reaction.
07:00Kiana knows Jamaica.
07:02They've talked.
07:03They text.
07:04If she can call her personal ATM and get what she needs,
07:07she's going to be happy.
07:08Is that you?
07:09That's me.
07:10So let me tell you how this is going to go down.
07:12The first family is going to come.
07:14The next family is going to come.
07:16Then you'll have the family meeting.
07:18You're going to tell them that you're engaged.
07:21Then you go into the tasks.
07:23Jamaica, your task is called Cakes and Questions.
07:26James' family is going to write down questions on cards.
07:30You're going to answer them while you are eating delicious wedding cake.
07:34Okay.
07:35James, your task is called Unpack Your Baggage.
07:39Jamaica's family is going to write questions down on cards,
07:42and you're going to answer them.
07:44The whole point is to bring all the concerns to the surface.
07:48I can tell you that all kinds of healing can happen here
07:51over the course of the next three days if you're open to it.
07:54Not everybody is.
07:56Buckle up, guys.
07:58Yes.
08:01This is going to be hard.
08:03But we've got to get through it.
08:05This is so peaceful up here.
08:07That helps the process.
08:08People can scream and nobody hear them.
08:14Hello.
08:16Hello, guys.
08:24Well, hello. I've been out here for 20 minutes.
08:26Let me in.
08:27Hi.
08:28Hi, father.
08:29I think it is too early for my dad to get into another relationship
08:35because I don't know if he really knows what he wants.
08:38You cut your beard.
08:39Yes, I did.
08:40Why?
08:41Because she didn't like the angle.
08:42You didn't like it?
08:43No.
08:44What was the point?
08:45To me, it's more he involves himself with that woman way too much.
08:50Kiana, your room is down here.
08:51Is it the one with the swing in it?
08:53It's the one that's got a crib in it for babies.
08:56Where the baby at?
08:57Right there.
08:58You know what? I'm not going to play with you.
09:00My dad told me from the beginning that him and Jameika are family members.
09:05I just feel like that's not something we do.
09:08At least you knew.
09:09Oh.
09:10I found out last week that James and Jameika are related.
09:14I found out Friday?
09:17Yeah, it was Friday.
09:18Friday, when you called me.
09:20All right.
09:21Dad, the truck is full.
09:23Oh.
09:24I feel uncomfortable with them being together.
09:27When we go to family gatherings, do you call her your cousin or your stepmom?
09:32Wait, wait. Are they talking about getting married?
09:34I don't know.
09:35Hello.
09:36Hello.
09:37Hey.
09:38Hi, babe.
09:39Hey, man.
09:40Hey, Larry.
09:41Hey, Larry.
09:42In regards to Jameika and James being together, I hope it's a phase.
09:48He's my cousin.
09:49I love him as my cousin.
09:51But I do wish very much so that he wasn't trying to be in a relationship with my daughter.
09:57You guys are going to be staying on this side of the house if you want to hook around.
10:02It's sad to see them together for me.
10:04It brings hurt.
10:05It brings anger.
10:06And I try to hide that to make my mother happy.
10:09But I just need to let it all out and talk to her about it.
10:13Let's do introductions.
10:14This is Jameika's mom.
10:16Hi, how are you?
10:17And that's her daughter.
10:18Hi.
10:19I'm a ball of nerves.
10:20I'm definitely a ball of nerves.
10:21We're getting ready to unload this bomb.
10:25And is it going to explode, kill everybody, or I don't know what's about to happen.
10:37Thank you, everybody, for coming.
10:40As you know, James and I have been dating.
10:43And as some of you don't know, is that we're engaged.
10:52Oh, goodness.
10:54And we've been engaged since about October 2020.
11:07James and I, we're engaged.
11:11Oh, goodness.
11:13No, something's not right.
11:16I say no.
11:17It's just hurtful to me for you to just display that and just put it on like it's nothing, just with a smile.
11:25And are you guys ready for our family to find out?
11:28My concerns are with the girls.
11:30Your relationship with your daughters.
11:32Why didn't you tell me that you and her related?
11:35Why didn't you let your best friend in on it?
11:38I think you need to take time and find out what truly makes you happy and not be dependent on an outside source.
11:44I wonder if this is really what you want to do.
11:47Do you think you're moving too fast?
11:49The relationship you have with your girls, that needs to be addressed and changed.
11:55Facts.
11:58It's always been, as long as you're happy, I'm there for you no matter what.
12:04And it kind of wasn't like that.
12:09Our relationship coach, Tracy, has assigned us tasks.
12:12I am going with James' family to cakes and questions.
12:17And I will be with Jamaica's family.
12:19We will be unpacking our baggage.
12:22Let's do it.
12:28How are you feeling, Eric?
12:31I'm speechless. I just think, oh, you know, I'll be in college soon. I don't have to deal with this.
12:36Hello, family.
12:38We're going to unpack our baggage and answer some questions.
12:43This is cakes and questions.
12:45Let me get my piece of cake.
12:47Okay.
12:48First question is, why not tell everyone from the start?
12:55Yes.
12:56We've tried to keep this under wraps, just not to hurt everybody.
13:00Do you feel most people were just hoping this was just going to blow over?
13:03Yes. Especially because we're related.
13:06How far removed are you as cousins?
13:10Our parents, his father and my mother are first cousins, which would make us second, which would make them third.
13:18Okay.
13:19Yes.
13:24What would you do if Jamaica changes her mind?
13:27I would want to make sure that she's making the decision.
13:31There's always some influence from you.
13:36There's always some influence from the kids.
13:38Jamaica, at the end of the day, is going to do what she wants to do.
13:43That's not always true.
13:45Children will beat her down to make her make a decision.
13:50No, don't even trip that up.
13:52If Jamaica changes her mind, that's on Jamaica.
13:55You can't blame it on somebody else.
13:58Did you consider the kids before doing this?
14:02My kids, they're really writing for their dad.
14:05It's just way out of the wheelhouse to even think about parents being with different people.
14:12I feel like you're implementing yourself too much to be that father figure.
14:16When I talk to my mom, you always have something to say.
14:19I am not your father.
14:21I just would like you to know that you can count on me.
14:23But I'm not comfortable with you doing that.
14:25That's fine.
14:26I will be there if and when you need me.
14:35Kiana, growing up for you, what was that like?
14:40It's just been relationship after relationship after relationship.
14:44And they all have kids.
14:46He seems to have a better relationship with their kids than his own kids.
14:50My dad wasn't around.
14:52And so I'm always talking to your dad about the way he talks to you and the way he handles you.
14:58And that's really important to me.
15:00Yeah.
15:01Before he got married to his ex-wife, me and my sister told him he should better his relationship with his daughters.
15:07He didn't like that.
15:09And he just ran off and married her anyway.
15:11And then moved out of town with her on my son's first birthday.
15:16Wow.
15:18What is the relationship with your daughters?
15:21I have two biological daughters.
15:23My oldest I have no communication with.
15:27And Kiana, I did everything for her all those years for her to just shove it in my face.
15:35Now she wants to have a relationship with me.
15:38And I'm like, now all these years later you want to come back?
15:43What's wrong with that?
15:45I get concerned about that unforgiveness, though.
15:48That scares me.
15:50But why?
15:51What if it doesn't change with her?
15:53Boy, if that unforgiveness is there, you know, where else is that going to come out?
15:59You plan on having another kid?
16:01I will go ahead and share this with you guys.
16:04We actually lost a kid.
16:06And so—
16:08Wait, what?
16:10And I had a miscarriage.
16:14We both would have loved to have that kid.
16:19Are you worried about having more kids with him due to his prior kids?
16:24I do think it would be a little different.
16:26I'm not worried about him being there for the baby, but it concerns me because of how they feel.
16:34I'm just so angry right now.
16:36I've let a lot of things go.
16:38And it's like, how can he move on and be okay and do these things that you never did with your own children?
16:44Right.
16:45My dad felt us miserably.
16:48Yeah.
16:51Fingernail or finger?
16:53It won't be no fingernail in here. I'm going to keep these.
16:55I came with him, I'm going to leave with him.
16:57You came with him, you're going to leave with him?
16:58He is rude.
17:01There she is.
17:07You're not eating?
17:10You don't want to put a dab on your plate, honey?
17:14I'm emotional at dinner.
17:16It had to do with my dad.
17:19It's just like, how do you expect to have more children when you don't even talk to the children you have?
17:27Mom, since you're talking, how did your unpacking the bags go?
17:32I did feel like some things were addressed, you know.
17:34Lyric, did you learn anything new?
17:37Nope.
17:38Anything come up that you didn't know?
17:41Nope.
17:44I just feel like we are fine, we're really close, we're best friends whenever he's not there.
17:50But when he comes, all your focus is on him and you just forget about the rest of us.
17:57I feel like your whole demeanor changes when he comes and you're just fake.
18:01Well, I can work on that.
18:03I felt that same way, so I want you to know that you are not alone in the way that you feel.
18:10Okay.
18:11If there's something you have to say or want to say, now is the time and place to say it.
18:18I just don't understand you trying to have another kid.
18:26We got to bring up the fact that we lost a baby and we didn't tell anybody
18:31because it's something that really sucked and it was really sad.
18:35Even if you're trying, you don't think to say, hey, I'm trying to have a baby, how do you feel?
18:41So you're mad at me because I didn't say, hey, I'm thinking about having another child?
18:47Yeah.
18:49Let's dig a little bit deeper.
18:53A little bit deeper.
18:55I got to learn things that Kiana needs from her dad and the wounds that run deeper.
19:02You know, I don't know what can help at this point.
19:05I don't know if an apology would help or what to at least get started.
19:17Okay, I'll try.
19:18Sometimes just a hug.
19:20Yeah.
19:21Just an embrace.
19:22Yeah.
19:23She's crying out.
19:24Yeah.
19:25Literally and figuratively, she's crying out.
19:29A pat on the shoulder, a hug.
19:32Even if you got to go, you're rejected, but you got to go.
19:43My daughter, you know, the mother of my two grandchildren,
19:49I always, always try to make time for you guys.
19:54You was my ride or die.
19:58That's not where we at right now.
19:59We just need to maybe take some accountability.
20:04Excuse me.
20:08Right now, you need to do something.
20:11No, that's all I've been doing.
20:14Nobody gives a f*** about me.
20:19To see Kiana spill her heart and cry out,
20:24and for him to not go and offer any sense of consolation
20:29was absolutely scary to me.
20:32What do you want to see happen?
20:34What do you want to change for your relationship?
20:36I feel like the damage is done.
20:38I'm grown.
20:39What I wanted as a kid, I didn't get, so.
20:43Say your kids never are comfortable around him.
20:49Are you still going to pursue the relationship?
21:02Anyone want the rest of this turkey bacon?
21:05Turkey who?
21:06Bacon.
21:07Turkey what?
21:08Turkey.
21:09Where you at?
21:10Does anyone else want the rest of this turkey?
21:11I didn't know it was Thanksgiving.
21:12I'm done.
21:22Good morning.
21:23Good morning.
21:24Come on in.
21:25Okay.
21:27I see you guys are matching.
21:29We match a lot.
21:30Yes.
21:31It's a fun thing to do.
21:32All right.
21:33You went into the family meeting.
21:35Yes.
21:36So what kinds of things did you hear, Jamaica?
21:39It's like our love is hurting these people.
21:43Does it ever feel like you have to choose?
21:46Yes, it does.
21:47Like they want you to choose family or fiance?
21:51Yes.
21:53I'm interested in dinner.
21:55What happened there?
21:57Hannah was very angry.
21:59She just started to cry and she was just visibly shaken.
22:03Is it because she feels like you're taking him away?
22:07Yes.
22:08She's joining your family.
22:09Yes.
22:10In a house with your children.
22:11Yes.
22:12And she feels like she didn't get that.
22:13Yes.
22:14Does that sound right, James?
22:15No.
22:16Okay.
22:17Because I fought daily for them.
22:20I love that.
22:21And a lot of it was not due to me.
22:24So there was a lot of things.
22:25It doesn't matter how it happened.
22:27It's really about were you there?
22:29I was there as I could be.
22:32I didn't see them a lot during the divorce.
22:35Okay, that's what she's saying.
22:37When Kiana was five, did you move out of the house?
22:42Yes.
22:43Okay.
22:44Yes.
22:45That's when Kiana started to experience you not being there.
22:49She's like, I lost you when I was five.
22:53And then I watched you be there for this other woman's kids
22:57in a way that she experienced not having you.
23:01Can that land on you and just go, oh, okay?
23:07Yeah.
23:08Okay.
23:09This is the issue.
23:10And this affects your relationship with your other daughter,
23:13I'm assuming.
23:14Why don't you talk to her?
23:15I tried.
23:16No response.
23:17Kiana feels that's really kind of where the final shutdown
23:22for the other sister came was when he moved
23:25for the third marriage.
23:27So is this a pattern?
23:28No.
23:29Well, that's not true.
23:30You moved to another state.
23:31There was a woman there.
23:32You got in a relationship.
23:33Your relationship is in another state.
23:35And then it happened again.
23:36Of course, they're upset with this relationship
23:39because it's a complete reenactment.
23:41Does that make sense to you?
23:42No, it does not.
23:43Okay.
23:44Because everybody, nobody wants to hear me.
23:46You're missing a very big bus right now.
23:49Okay.
23:50You are.
23:51Can you make eye contact with me on that?
23:53Your children, and there's the way you are organizing
23:57what's happening, and you're missing a bus.
24:00You're going to lose them.
24:02They're emotionally, they're lost right now.
24:07It's sad.
24:08I don't feel like James was receptive and listening.
24:11What made you walk away?
24:13I'm not allowed to say anything.
24:14She gets to say what she needs to say,
24:17and then it's like everybody's looking at me.
24:20There ain't no tomorrow, regardless of how
24:22bad you feel.
24:26Everybody wants you to come back.
24:32Your children, you're going to lose them.
24:35And if you want to fix that or repair that,
24:38you're going to have to imagine the situation
24:41in a way that right now you're not getting.
24:44And if you're open to that,
24:46I think there can be some help in that,
24:48but right now I don't hear you or see you being open.
24:51But it's kind of hard to repair a relationship
24:53with people that don't want to repair the relationship.
24:57You're the one right now who doesn't want to repair it.
24:59And as the parent, we go first.
25:02The whole thing about parent and children is
25:04being a parent, you have to do it
25:06whether you want to do it or not.
25:08That's parenting in a nutshell.
25:10Yes.
25:11But the parent has to be the grown-up,
25:14and the grown-up is mature.
25:16And mature people make choices
25:19in the interest of the greater good,
25:21not just for themselves.
25:22And what you need to do is if you guys are like,
25:25I'm going to use the word hell-bent
25:27on doing this relationship,
25:28that many people around you are like,
25:30this is killing me.
25:32You're going to need to help them walk through
25:35the effect that you are having in their lives.
25:39They're responding to the matching outfits.
25:41They're like, wait, you're the same person?
25:43You get your nails done together?
25:45They're freaking out.
25:46That shows a high degree of enmeshment.
25:48And when your parents enmeshed with something,
25:51that is a threat to your survival.
25:53Take the cousin thing off the table.
25:55It's unreasonable to do it the way you guys did it
25:58and think that they're all going to be able
26:00to get on board with it.
26:01And so rather than go,
26:02well, why is everybody pushing back so hard?
26:04We have to be like, well, we knew this was coming.
26:07This is a very complex situation.
26:10The thing that threads all the stories together
26:13and all the people that you've brought here
26:16is that there is trauma.
26:18What I would like to do with you
26:20is to bring in a trauma expert.
26:23Your task is a together task.
26:25You're going to sit down with the families,
26:28and we're going to talk about what's happening here
26:31in terms of trauma.
26:33How do we repair it, and how do we not create more?
26:37All right, thank you.
26:45And hello, hello.
26:46Hello.
26:50I'm Dr. Tamela Black.
26:52I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist,
26:55a doctor of psychology, and also a trauma specialist.
26:59And let's just jump into it, okay?
27:03We're realizing that, you know,
27:05unfortunately we didn't think about the trauma
27:08that this has caused.
27:09Also, we know that there's work within ourselves
27:13that we need to do
27:14because we've created a traumatizing situation.
27:17When we think about getting to a place of healing,
27:20we first have to get to the place of understanding.
27:23And sometimes we have to have hard conversations
27:26that we don't really want to have.
27:28What is on your mind about this situation?
27:31It's stressful because I just worry, like,
27:35if this will call.
27:36Everything is very new.
27:38Hard on my mental health.
27:40I appreciate you opening up and speaking
27:43and telling me exactly what you're thinking.
27:46I don't want you to have your mental health traumatized.
27:49Yeah, I've thrown some hints out here and there
27:53about therapy,
27:54and I feel like you didn't really catch that.
27:57But I'm telling you now it is serious,
28:00and I will need therapy.
28:03Okay.
28:04James, how is it for you to really hear
28:08her experience with adapting to this situation?
28:12This was not the, you know,
28:14not the plan to disrupt your life
28:17and anybody else's life in that manner.
28:20It hurts, but, you know, I apologize for that.
28:25Kiana, what would you say to that?
28:27You know, there were times where me and my dad were inseparable.
28:32And when it went away,
28:34it was because he was in a new situation with a new person.
28:39You know, he would just pick up and move out of state,
28:43and we're like,
28:44you didn't ask us how that would make us feel,
28:47you being thousands of miles away,
28:49and I had a baby at 16 years old,
28:52and you weren't there.
28:54I was scared.
28:55I didn't think I was going to make it,
28:57and you weren't there.
29:03How would you acknowledge her pain
29:06and not having you there with her?
29:09No, I can't answer that
29:12because I'm always putting that position on the defense.
29:17I feel like you didn't sacrifice for me.
29:21That was a big moment in life where you should have been there,
29:26you know, let you know.
29:27I don't understand you right there, see.
29:29Wait, can I finish?
29:30That's what I'm talking about.
29:31Can I finish?
29:32I wasn't even supposed to be in there with you,
29:34and your mother left the hospital.
29:37She came in her construction clothes.
29:40I came off the road to come to the hospital,
29:43but see, that's the...
29:44I don't want to do this anymore.
29:45Well, don't do this.
29:46Okay, wait, give me one second.
29:47No, I don't want to do this anymore.
29:48Oh, excuse me.
29:49Because it's bull----.
29:53It's sad.
29:54I don't feel like James was receptive
29:56and actually listening to Kiana's heart.
30:02It's okay.
30:03It's okay.
30:04I understand.
30:09So, can you tell me, what are you feeling?
30:14Let it out.
30:16I'm angry.
30:17Okay, because?
30:19Because he doesn't get it.
30:21I'm your child, you're my child.
30:23You're my child.
30:24You're my child.
30:25You're my child.
30:26You're my child.
30:27You're my child.
30:28You're my child.
30:29You're my child.
30:30I'm your child.
30:31You're not mine.
30:34I didn't ask to be here.
30:36Yeah, you feel abandoned by Dad, and it's not fair.
30:41You called on him many times, and he wasn't there.
30:46And we're going to try to see if we can get Dad back,
30:51but on a scale of 1 to 10, where's your anger right now?
30:57I'm going to pass a 10.
30:59Okay.
31:04James?
31:05Please, please, please.
31:07If we can just pause for a moment.
31:09This is hard, and it's real.
31:17What made you walk away?
31:19It's like I'm not allowed to say anything.
31:22She gets to say what she needs to say, turn on the waterworks,
31:27and then it's like everybody's looking at me like,
31:30okay, Dad, what are you going to do?
31:33All she's trying to do is express, Dad, when I had you,
31:37that was the best years of my life,
31:40and I feel like I've lost you.
31:43She's not your enemy.
31:45I see the anger, but underneath that is love.
31:49Oh, there's definitely love.
31:50I love her.
31:51Absolutely.
31:55If anything I wanted to hear, I understand,
31:59and this is what I'm going to do different,
32:01and instead I heard nothing but excuses
32:04and reasons why it's the way it is,
32:07and so we're going to leave it at the way it is
32:10because there's nothing that's going to change.
32:20Sometimes you just got to say what they want to hear about.
32:24Is there anything that would help you stay around?
32:29Jane.
32:31Jane's my koala.
32:33There ain't no tomorrow.
32:37Do something.
32:39Regardless of how bad you feel, do something.
32:43Do something.
32:47Do something.
33:00So there's nothing we can do to make this work?
33:03No, I want to go home.
33:06You know, everybody wants you to come back.
33:11I'm going home.
33:14That's how it ends.
33:16That's it.
33:19All right, that's what you really want.
33:22All right, I love you.
33:24Be safe.
33:45♪♪♪♪
33:54♪♪♪♪
34:02The day didn't go how I thought at all.
34:06You know, I disappointed myself.
34:09She might still be here now if...
34:13if I could have, you know, held it together.
34:16Take accountability, apologize.
34:19Like, it's like you're not even listening.
34:23And with lyrics and what she said, you know,
34:27about being depressed and stuff,
34:30that's a lot of questions.
34:34I'm moving forward.
34:37You know, I feel like we have more work to do
34:41within ourselves individually.
34:46Yeah, that's...
34:49We need to work on ourselves
34:53and get that help, get that knowledge
34:57to where we can repair, you know, these relationships.
35:01I'm definitely going to do my self-work,
35:04but I can't say that everybody else will.
35:08♪♪♪♪
35:13I'm shocked that we're even sitting here today
35:16having this conversation with him.
35:18Our biggest issue, communication.
35:21He shuts down.
35:22You're involved in the abuse cycle.
35:24Over and over.
35:25Families are on their way.
35:27His mom, yeah.
35:28There's not a competition between the two.
35:30I'm your mother.
35:31I see my son doing better things.
35:33This is all the time!
35:34No!
35:35We might not make it back home together.
35:38Family or Fiance, all new next Saturday, 9, 8 Central.
35:43♪♪♪♪♪
35:49You good, Mom?
35:51You okay?
35:53Yeah, I'm all right.
35:57I'm just feeling a certain kind of way, you know.
36:01She should be here, you know.
36:04Yes, you need to step away sometimes, clear your head.
36:08That's what I had to do yesterday.
36:10I didn't pack my *** and say I'm out.
36:13But to her, it's like you did that before.
36:15Remember?
36:17Our kids imitate what we do.
36:20They just make it sting a little bit more.
36:25Gotta keep pushing.
36:27♪♪♪♪♪♪
36:30Good morning.
36:31Good morning.
36:32Come on in.
36:33♪♪♪♪♪♪
36:37How are you?
36:38I'm good.
36:39Exhausted.
36:40Exhausted.
36:41Exhausted.
36:42Okay.
36:43You had your task.
36:44Yes.
36:45It was going all right in the beginning,
36:47and then the blow-up, you know, between me and Kiana.
36:53Mm-hmm.
36:54And I just couldn't deal with it, so I had to walk away.
36:57Can I just offer something?
36:59I think what happens is when she says how she feels,
37:02you experience that as being damned,
37:05like you're a worthless person who's failed.
37:09Yes, because it always seems like other people can get that pass.
37:16Right, and you can't get it right.
37:18You know, I can't get that pass.
37:20Parents don't get a pass.
37:22Mm.
37:23You know?
37:24But you've got to hear it as,
37:25Oh, I wasn't actually there the way she needed me to be there,
37:28and she's in a lot of pain, and that's it.
37:32Yes.
37:34Jameika, what did your daughter say to you in that session?
37:38That she was depressed.
37:41And she needs therapy just to get through it.
37:45What is it like to hear her say that?
37:47It hurt.
37:49Like the light went off.
37:51It landed on you.
37:52It landed, yeah.
37:53I want you to stay with that feeling.
37:57Just stay with it for a second.
38:03I notice you're not wearing your ring.
38:05Yeah, yeah, yeah.
38:06Tell me about that.
38:08This is on pause because we realize that, you know,
38:12we do have to do work within ourselves.
38:15And even if for some reason, you know, we don't come back together,
38:20still, you know, he'll always be there, always be there as well.
38:24What needs to happen is you need to tell your people this.
38:27Yeah.
38:28And I want to apologize for, you know,
38:32everything that has occurred so far and the way it has affected them
38:36and that we didn't consider that.
38:39When you guys go out there and you say what you're about to say,
38:43you're going to start rebuilding the trust.
38:49And then you're going to have to stay in that humbled and surrendered place.
38:53And it's not going to be easy.
38:55All right.
38:56And I would suggest therapy.
38:59Okay.
39:00Okay.
39:01This is going to be good, you guys.
39:04Okay.
39:05All right.
39:06Okay.
39:25Hey, thank you all for coming out.
39:28It has been a long three days.
39:31We want to take this time to apologize to everybody for, you know,
39:37the trauma that this has caused.
39:42There was no intent, anything to hurt anybody, you know,
39:46but we just wanted everybody to see our love for one another.
39:51Normally, we would ask for a blessing,
39:54but we have actually decided to pause
40:02and do work amongst ourselves and works amongst our families.
40:11We're going to put our best foot forward and keep going.
40:14So let's have a group hug.
40:17You stay over there.
40:18You sit down.
40:19The pause and the engagement was a really healthy thing, I felt.
40:22The actions, them coming into relationship
40:25and all the other things that were impacting the children was selfish.
40:29So I thought it was an unselfish act.
40:32Come on.
40:33Come on.
40:35I don't think it's going to go like that.
40:36Put it that way.
40:37I don't understand pause.
40:39We don't know what pause means for them.
40:40We don't know what it means.
40:41They're going to actually break up.
40:42They're not going to live together no more.
40:44They're still going to see each other but not with the kids around.
40:47We don't know what pause is for them.
40:49All right.
40:50Thank you, guys.
40:51I always appreciate it.
40:53I love y'all.
40:54We're family.
40:55That's it.
40:56Right now, you know, we still live together,
40:59but we're definitely breaking off the engagement
41:01and see if we can piece it back together from after we do our self-work
41:05and the work with our children and, you know, get back onto that path of marriage.
41:11No.
41:12No.
41:14So, family over fiance.
41:19At the moment, it's definitely family.