Cuando los hijos crecen, otro tipo de temas entran en la conversación.
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00:00Well, Jessica contacted us because she wants to expose her testimony to see how we can help you and guide you.
00:07Hello, Jessica.
00:10Hello, Cristina. Good afternoon.
00:12I want to cough, but do you know who is going to help me?
00:14Marcelo Arizmendi.
00:17Jessica, how are you?
00:19Hello, Marcelo. Good afternoon.
00:22We want to hear you, so please tell us why you called us today.
00:27Well, I was watching the program
00:30and, indeed, this topic touches me a lot because
00:35I have a 19-year-old son who, four months ago,
00:39shocked me with a reality that I thought I could handle.
00:44My son has a trans polola.
00:48I didn't know. He told me he only had one polola.
00:52He wanted to introduce it to me, of course, as a mother,
00:56like any mother who supports her child,
00:57but when he started with his polola,
01:01I ran into reality
01:03and I realized that it wasn't a girl, it was a trans girl.
01:09For me, it was super strong because he didn't tell me.
01:14I had to run into reality like that,
01:17and he took it as super natural.
01:19At that moment, I didn't know how to react because the truth is that
01:24I consider myself a very open-minded person,
01:26but seeing my son's reality made me feel bad.
01:33I didn't know how to react.
01:35I was very...
01:37You touched on a key point in this conversation.
01:41When we can say openly,
01:44or say it in a very natural way,
01:47I'm super open-minded.
01:49I accept everything, I'm tolerant,
01:51but when it happens to you,
01:53and probably that's why your son didn't tell you
01:58that he was pololing with a trans girl,
02:02then it's true, we are so evolved,
02:07we have evolved.
02:09What questions do you ask yourself when you face this situation?
02:13Did they tell you something like that?
02:15But mom, maybe it wasn't necessary to tell you.
02:18No, my son...
02:21He took it as super normal.
02:25I always had my doubts about his sexual orientation,
02:29but he always had straight partners.
02:32But you were so open-minded, they put you to the test.
02:35Yes, they put me to the test, but suddenly,
02:38because I have family, I have cousins who are gay.
02:41I have worked with many gays, who are my best friends.
02:45I have lesbian cousins.
02:46I have nieces.
02:48So I felt like a super inclusive person,
02:52but when it happened to me, I felt prejudice.
02:55Sorry Jessica, but there's a point here that I'm a little lost,
02:58if I could clarify it.
03:00It doesn't mean that your son is gay, right?
03:02Because she just said it as if she had doubts about his sexual orientation.
03:06The fact that he pololed with a trans person
03:08doesn't mean that his sexual orientation has changed, right?
03:11And guys, can you help me a little?
03:13In fact, sexual orientation has to do with who you feel attracted to,
03:19and if you feel attracted to a woman in this case,
03:23you are a heterosexual person.
03:25You would have to ask her, obviously,
03:27she could have another orientation that includes
03:29feeling attracted to a woman, such as being pansexual.
03:32But it doesn't have to do with his sexual orientation.
03:35Did you ask your son?
03:37Yes, I consulted him.
03:39In fact, after that visit of my daughter-in-law,
03:45because now I consider her my daughter-in-law,
03:47I had the conversation of mother and son,
03:51where we both cried,
03:53because just like a mother,
03:55one says, I'm raising children,
03:58which we think is normal,
04:01but we make them invisible in a certain way.
04:05Now I validate my son.
04:06After that conversation,
04:08excuse me for getting emotional,
04:10but I validated him as a person.
04:13I accepted him,
04:15I told him that I was going to love him in every way,
04:19and that if he loved differently, I was also going to accept him,
04:22because I suffered him for 19 years.
04:26I have a strong story with my son.
04:28So I said,
04:30either I abandon him,
04:31or I simply support him,
04:34and it was a moment of tears,
04:39of meeting a new son.
04:41But I want to ask you,
04:43specifically, Jessica,
04:45Jessica, I want to ask you,
04:47when he introduces you to his polola,
04:50to his trans polola,
04:53did you, deep down, think,
04:56it's going to be difficult for him,
04:58my son's life, society is not going to accept him,
05:00or was it because you were going through things
05:03that tended to make it difficult,
05:06not to say, to reject this situation,
05:09but you did it more because
05:11he was going to face a complex situation,
05:13or because for you it was complex?
05:15That's what I mean.
05:17I think both situations.
05:19At one point,
05:20my prejudice was
05:23a child.
05:24And then,
05:26already talking to him,
05:28I said, fear is like a mother.
05:30To what will happen,
05:32to what people have,
05:34that prejudice.
05:36And I told him,
05:38I told him, well,
05:40I said, son, this issue,
05:42we have to handle it,
05:44you have to take care of yourself,
05:45you have to be respectful.
05:47And the only thing that,
05:49as a mother, I could tell him
05:50that I was going to support him,
05:52but yes, I am very afraid
05:54of prejudice,
05:55of people who are still bad,
05:57who do not accept
05:59boys with these conditions.
06:01I love my son.
06:03I receive my daughter-in-law,
06:05I accept her,
06:06I have talked a lot with her
06:08and she has taught me a lot.
06:09What I did not know,
06:11and my prejudices were left behind.
06:12What I feel is fear.
06:14Because I feel that people can say,
06:16we are all inclusive,
06:18but people still have a prejudice
06:20and it marks them and hurts them.
06:22Yes or yes?
06:23How have you faced this situation,
06:25your son? Have you hurt him?
06:26How has society accepted him?
06:27Because maybe it is what we have
06:29in our minds,
06:30and maybe society has changed
06:32and it is no longer an issue.
06:33How have you seen him?
06:35Have you suffered?
06:36Since Martin
06:38was able to talk about it with me,
06:40my son is happy.
06:42I have never seen him happier
06:44than now.
06:46So the issue of social acceptance,
06:47for him,
06:49is the same.
06:50And maybe he has not even faced
06:52complex situations.
06:53For him it has never been an issue.
06:54And he has not faced
06:56complex situations?
06:57What?
06:59He has not faced complex situations,
07:00that have discriminated against him,
07:02that have bothered him.
07:03Yes.
07:05He has suffered.
07:06In fact, he suffered bullying
07:08for a while.
07:09But he is very mature.
07:12But because of this bullshit?
07:13In what sense?
07:15In his relationship.
07:16Good.
07:18He is not.
07:19He is not afraid,
07:21he is not complex.
07:22He goes out with her.
07:23And they go hand in hand.
07:25And they love each other.
07:26They respect each other.
07:28And I feel that,
07:29as long as I see him happy,
07:31I will also do it.
07:33But I am afraid.
07:35And I am afraid
07:36that at some point
07:38they will face a complicated situation
07:40and they will not be able to handle it.
07:42I don't know.
07:43I think it is a mother's fear.
07:45Yes, I think that is where it happens.
07:46It is the fear that your son
07:48does not have the tools
07:49to face a situation
07:51that can be traumatic.
07:52But how can we help Jessica
07:53to get rid of that fear?
07:55Or finally,
07:57I think that she is also
07:58becoming a very brave person
08:00who will know how to face
08:02complex situations
08:04because she is very happy
08:05and the rest is the same for her.
08:07Exactly.
08:09And it is very important
08:10because here something is happening
08:12that happens a lot.
08:14I don't know.
08:16The other day I was talking
08:17to my mom and she said
08:19hey, the other day I met a trans person.
08:21How did it go?
08:22I didn't know what to say
08:24because it happens to us
08:25that we think that trans people
08:27are weird,
08:29like they have a third arm.
08:30And no, trans people
08:32are still the same people.
08:33They like anime,
08:35they like hamburgers,
08:36they are still people.
08:38So what we are seeing here
08:39is a heterosexual relationship
08:41in which there is a man,
08:43Jessica's son,
08:44who likes a woman
08:46because trans women
08:47are still women.
08:49Trans men are men.
08:50And what is happening
08:51is that we are not drowning
08:53in a glass of water.
08:54We are from our prejudices.
08:56And it is super important
08:57what Jessica said
08:59because Jessica said
09:00I consider myself inclusive,
09:02I have gay friends,
09:03I have lesbian cousins,
09:05but when it came to me,
09:06of course, boom.
09:08That's when I hit my own prejudices.
09:09And the most inclusive person
09:11is not the person
09:12who has more gay friends.
09:14The most inclusive person
09:15is the person who is aware
09:17that they have prejudices,
09:18that monitors them,
09:20and that perhaps
09:21I am looking at this polo
09:23as something different.
09:24Because in the end,
09:26what we are doing there
09:27is that we are confusing
09:29sex with identity,
09:30biological sex.
09:32Genitals, basically,
09:33with identity.
09:35And in the end,
09:36it is not necessarily
09:38so biased.
09:39In fact, it is a myth
09:41that trans people
09:42are trapped in a body
09:44that does not belong to them.
09:45It is not like that.
09:47In the end,
09:48as people,
09:50and what Jessica is doing,
09:51asking,
09:53attending,
09:54and sometimes it happens
09:56that in that question
09:57and in that concern,
09:59we can lead people.
10:00And there I always recommend
10:02that if one is complicated
10:03with the transition of the child,
10:05with the transition of the child's polo,
10:06whatever,
10:08sometimes,
10:09the one who needs therapy
10:11is not the child,
10:12sometimes it is the parents.
10:14Because the parents
10:15were the ones who finally
10:17grew up in a much more
10:18LGBT-phobic system
10:20and they were able to
10:21grow up in a way
10:23that is not
10:24the same as the parents,
10:26that are the ones
10:28who are the ones
10:29who are the ones
10:31who are not.
10:32And as for me,
10:34I have been doing this
10:35for many, many years.
10:37And I have been doing this
10:38for many years,
10:40and I have been
10:41very happy
10:43to be able to
10:44do this
10:46and to be able
10:47to be part of
10:48of his son, because maybe if he had introduced you to any girl, would you be asking her about that too?
10:57About the intimacy, the sexuality? Maybe not.
11:01In fact, when Martin had a whole relationship, I always gave him advice,
11:09you have to take care of yourself, you have to do this, go to the doctor.
11:13In this case, I also did it, but with the difference that my daughter-in-law gave me a category.
11:19And she has taught me, and she has taught me to accept.
11:26She is a girl, and my 14 and 16-year-old children accept her, and we love her,
11:34and she is part of our family now.
11:37I've been with my son for four months, and as long as I see them well, I think I'll be fine too.
11:43It's going to be hard for me yet, because as previously in the case of Mrs. Solera,
11:50here the father also turned his back on my son.
11:53Jessica, do you feel that we helped you in this conversation? How do you feel now?
11:59Well, I feel happy to be able to talk about it, to be able to express it,
12:04and that all the mothers who are going through this, do not give up on their children.
12:10Let's support them, because loving in different ways, we have to normalize it.
12:18I tell my son, as long as I see you happy, I will be happy.
12:23That's the phrase for the bronze, that's the phrase, Jessica.
12:28Thank you very much, thank you very much for this class that you are also giving to us,
12:32and to so many people who are listening to you.
12:35May it be incredible for you to continue this beautiful family relationship with your wonderful daughter-in-law,
12:41and not to be the mother-in-law pesapo, or the little girl metiche.
12:45The curious mother-in-law is fine, she is fine.
12:48She wouldn't be a mother-in-law then.
12:50She wouldn't be a mother-in-law.
12:52Thank you, Jessica.