Américo explicó el proceso que vivió tras la separación de sus padres, donde le tocó estar entre su papá y su mamá en la batalla entre ambos. Las consecuencias de eso se quedaron en el joven Américo.
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00:00The truth is, Martín, to shut up, that feeling, that emotion, that loneliness, that pain,
00:10that I didn't know how to live with, it was fucked up.
00:14At 17 years old, when I come, I take some pills, I also tell it here in the book.
00:20I'll ask you that later, yes.
00:22There it goes in a way, right? Pandemic, without working, I also lose that condition of being seen as the supplier,
00:32because the important thing is that we were all locked up, I was in your program, I grab the car, whatever it is.
00:38And before that too, suddenly looking for a lot of spaces of loneliness, looking for the cup, the alcohol.
00:49I never had a relationship or a very good relationship with any other substance or excess.
00:56So what I had left was alcohol, but I did it alone, locked up, more than sharing.
01:02Sharing was wanting to turn off the TV for a while, you know?
01:06That's why I deduced and wrote, or I shared with Mauricio to write this,
01:12that I had also stayed there with this also learned way.
01:18Sure, your learned way is, if a woman doesn't love me or doesn't want to be with me,
01:24it means that life doesn't make sense.
01:27At what age do you take those pills and why do you do it?
01:30That was when I was 17, 16 years old, with the polo I had at that time.
01:39It sounds like it's big, but it still deceives me with some of my classmates.
01:44You were also a person, in quotation marks, very intense.
01:46Sure, sure.
01:47And with deep feelings.
01:48Exactly.
01:49I mean, for you this was normal.
01:50For me it was, of course, for me I was big.
01:52Yes, yes.
01:53It was like I was married.
01:55Mother of one of my older daughters.
01:57I mean, you were...
01:58Sure, and precisely I was traveling, working, selling my records, these things,
02:03and all my classmates go on a course trip in high school.
02:08And the one who didn't go was me.
02:10So when I came back, all my classmates knew that I had been with my classmates and everything,
02:16and that was dramatic for me, because it was terrible.
02:22So the first thing I did was...
02:25There are some pills, and there my mother...
02:29Where were you at that moment? Were you at your mother's house?
02:31At my mother's house.
02:32And my mother is the one who finds me...
02:35My mother is the one who has to go through all this.
02:39She takes me to the hospital, I have to wash my stomach.
02:43And after that, Martín woke up in psychiatry.
02:46Of course, tied up.
02:48I was 17 years old.
02:50What you're telling me, you didn't know?
02:52No, no, no.
02:53I was screwed.
02:54Shit, what did I do?
02:56Why am I here?
02:57I'm not at this level, let's say, extreme.
03:01My thing was like... I took it...
03:03Let's be romantic, but yes...
03:05I screwed up, I screwed up, you know?
03:08And my mother had to decide between taking care of me and also giving me a lesson.
03:13I decided with the doctor to stay there for a week in psychiatry.
03:22What happened when you left the clinic?
03:24I left the clinic, and who welcomes me? My dad.
03:26And he welcomes me, and I travel to Molina, this religious party.
03:31There in San Sebastián, in Jumbel, on March 20th it's celebrated.
03:35And my dad was there, set up to sell his album and everything.
03:39And my mom asks him, and he says, no, send him here, to go with me.
03:42So, from there, straight to work.
03:44Straight, a week in psychiatry and to work.
03:47Straight to work.
03:48Were you aware of what you did at that moment?
03:50Or did you mature it over time?
03:52I mean, yes, I was aware, immediately.
03:55But I've also matured it over time.
03:58I want to acknowledge something.
03:59We've known each other for many years.
04:01And we've had deep conversations.
04:04Not with the time that, obviously, you have.
04:06But we've had interesting conversations.
04:08And I acknowledge something about you that is very powerful.
04:11That you're in permanent revision.
04:13You're always in permanent questioning.
04:17And that's painful, because it's getting into the deepest things.
04:21No one wants to get into the drawers that are further back.
04:25But, clearly, you have to do it.
04:27And the people who are evolving are the ones who get to do that job.
04:31And you were also talking to me about the relationship with alcohol.
04:33Because, of course, you're not a person who drinks alcohol permanently.
04:37Or that you were a social drinker.
04:39Neither.
04:40Neither.
04:41Because, besides, your sin doesn't allow you to.
04:43Exactly.
04:44But you told me at one point, but suddenly I wanted to turn off the TV.
04:48What do you mean by that?
04:49Twenty-four, twenty-five years is when I started as a social thing.
04:53Then I started to have a closeness between 2004 and 2006.
04:59When I live and I'm in Europe.
05:01Looking for myself.
05:03At that time I was still looking for myself.
05:05Finding myself.
05:06And I was far away.
05:07In addition, in the Nordic area.
05:09Sweden, Norway.
05:10There was pure distilling.
05:11So there I started to have a relationship.
05:14To get to know a little more.
05:17It happens.
05:18And then, between 2012.
05:21Apart from 2011 until 2014.
05:24That's when it intensifies.
05:26This thing of sharing.
05:28I'm more social.
05:30More continuous too.
05:32But I'm starting to realize that I don't really like it.
05:36That I actually start.
05:37This social thing.
05:39It wasn't so social because I was starting to move away.
05:42Then I started to do it alone.
05:46Then I started to have the typical answer.
05:48What if it's my money?
05:50I do what I want.
05:51I deserve it.
05:53I've always behaved well.
05:56And that starts to stop me.
06:00To stop the antenna.
06:01Something happens here.
06:03Something doesn't fit here.
06:05Did you see yourself drinking alone?
06:06Sure, sure.
06:07But not drinking to enjoy.
06:09No, no.
06:10I had a long season of shows.
06:12Intense parts.
06:14I had to live the evolution of my career.
06:17Super effervescent.
06:19And with two major setbacks.
06:22A setback that was the earthquake.
06:24The natural evolution of the Chilean artist.
06:27I didn't live it.
06:28It was a great vineyard.
06:30And after that, everything came.
06:32Earthquake?
06:33No, earthquake.
06:35Again, no one sees me.
06:37Again, no one sees me.
06:39In my moment, no one sees me.
06:41And it was a long season of shows.
06:44I always fulfilled.
06:46Everything I promised myself, I fulfilled.
06:49I never stopped going to something.
06:51I never stopped doing something.
06:52I was never irresponsible in that sense.
06:54But it was like doing, doing, doing, doing.
06:57And I saw a space of time.
07:00The airport.
07:01Daddy Free.
07:02In the car.
07:03The driver.
07:04And me next to him.
07:06When I got home, I was a little dizzy.
07:09And then, I drank.
07:11The first few times, they didn't tell me anything.
07:13Everything was fine.
07:14I shared, laughed, stopped.
07:16Friends.
07:17It was that.
07:18I began to realize that it was wanting to pay, wanting to pay.
07:20I began to waste a lot of time.
07:22And then that feeling of anguish, of guilt begins to grow.
07:27Very adolescent.
07:28Like, what did I do?
07:29Why did I do it?
07:30For what did I do it?
07:31Whiskey, rum.
07:33Pisco.
07:35Then I got better, right?
07:36Then it was vodka, right?
07:37Because vodka doesn't leave a smell, right?
07:39And I was like...
07:40Of course.
07:41To pass the pills.
07:42Exactly.
07:43And I began to realize that it wasn't right.
07:45And from 2015 onwards,
07:48it's when, thanks to a friend, I do the first stop.
07:53No, no, no.
07:54Something is happening here.
07:56This is not right.
07:57No, no.
07:58This is not for me.
07:59And I start to distance myself, right?
08:03And there I had a consumption of...
08:05I tell you, it was drinking two or three times a year, right?
08:09But even though it was nothing...
08:11In fact, one year I only had a scratch, you know?
08:13And it was like...
08:14I didn't feel good.
08:16I wasn't well.
08:17No, no.
08:18I couldn't find a new key.
08:19And I began a search to leave this, to find what was happening to me.
08:24I also went through a time of a lot of anguish.
08:29I will never forget it.
08:30It was my first...
08:32My first panic attack.
08:34My first anxious picture.
08:36I got to the clinic, I was going to die.
08:38My heart was beating so fast.
08:42I said, I'm going to die, I'm going to die, I'm going to die.
08:44It was terrible, the first time it happened to me.
08:47So, I had this imperial need to be able to solve my life,
08:52to silence what was happening to me,
08:54what I was feeling,
08:56not being seen,
08:58and how this great feeling of not being loved,
09:01of not being able,
09:03of having had the possibility of...
09:07of having reached an artistic A-series without so much difficulty,
09:11you know?
09:12And not having achieved it, you know?
09:14It was like...
09:15A time of anger, sorrow, anguish.
09:17Exactly.
09:18Where I had enough time,
09:20and the real possibility of being able to change my life,
09:23was when the pandemic came.
09:25I think that what didn't allow me to make the real change was also...
09:28To stop.
09:29To be stopped.
09:30To have the space for the pause,
09:33that silence,
09:34as unbearable as it was for me,
09:36to be with myself,
09:38but to live that experience.
09:39And that has to do with the shock episode?
09:41Of course.
09:42That's where the turning point occurs?
09:44Of course, of course.
09:45That's when there's a stop.
09:47I say, I got it cheap.
09:50Luckily, it didn't affect anyone else.
09:54To do that duel,
09:56to face that situation,
09:58to uncover that car, Martín,
10:00it took me a year.
10:02A year to have it covered.
10:04To see it, it took me a year.
10:07Why? What happened to you?
10:08I didn't want to see it.
10:10I didn't want to assume it, accept it.
10:12To relive that moment caused me a lot of anguish,
10:14a lot of pain, irresponsibility,
10:16a lot of noise, you know?
10:18It was like...
10:19I couldn't, I couldn't.
10:20Until I decided.
10:21That's when I started to help myself
10:24in a more professional way.
10:26I also started to educate myself.
10:27I spent my time in the pandemic.
10:28I started to study.
10:29I started to take care of myself, of my life.
10:32And that's when I understood, at some point,
10:34with all the pain that all this revelation
10:38of what life is like, more than my life,
10:42was that I had to take care of myself.
10:44That my life didn't belong to me,
10:45nor did it belong to my old man.
10:47That it didn't belong to my wife,
10:48nor to my siblings,
10:49nor to my audience, nor to anyone.
10:50It was only mine.
10:52I was always there, and I never left.
10:55And that's when it was worth it.
10:57It was being able to find myself,
10:59to hug myself in a good way,
11:01to love myself in a good way,
11:02to take care of myself, you know?
11:04That if, at some point, I didn't want something,
11:07it was telling myself,
11:08I don't know, I don't want it.
11:09That's it.
11:10Nothing happens.
11:11That's why I also told you that today
11:13I take off my clothes as soon as possible.
11:16I finish a show,
11:17bam, I take it off,
11:18and I take it off right away.
11:19Really, I do the literal exercise.
11:21I take off my suit,
11:22I put on make-up, I shower,
11:24and it's Sunday again.
11:25Sunday again, calm,
11:27and I go to the supermarket,
11:28and if they tell me to buy bread,
11:30I'm going to buy bread.
11:34But I've had to learn it,
11:36I've had to know it,
11:37and I think that today,
11:39especially today, Martín,
11:40that I'm with you here,
11:42and I know that nothing is casual,
11:45I also come to write something important today.
12:15I also come to write something important today.