El Presidente | Stool Scenes
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00:00If I was trying to draw a diagram, Kirk versus Big Cat, Dave versus Kirk, Will, Taylor, and Whitney,
00:09Kirk against Big Cat. Little Danny Cats from Newton, Massachusetts. Now Kirk talking about
00:14Massachusetts, Big Cat addressing it. I don't know why I've been ashamed of this for a long time.
00:20Originally from Newton, Mass. Big Cat's like, I hate Kirk now too. Kirk says, good, I hate you.
00:26He hates me. If he hates me, I'll hate him. I'm going to stand in the pocket on this.
00:30He said he hates me. Great. I hate him. No problem going forward.
00:34One of us is completely comfortable with that. Rico versus Kirk. Rico giving that to Dave is
00:39the most pathetic thing anybody's ever done in the history of civilization. Rico Bosco against Bussen.
00:45So suck it, J.P. Ovie.
00:53It's been a banner day, really banner week for Team Portnoy overall. We've got some
00:56iron bar still going on. Dave coming out great in the pink wedding. You've got the CTE boys
01:02not taking it very well. The former athletes. Everyone on Twitter is like, this isn't fair.
01:07You know, Dave is Putin. He shouldn't even be allowed to play in this. You know, and they're
01:12saying this as they work on their little Lincoln logs and, you know, scribble in their coloring
01:17books. And, you know, it's adorable to watch. It's fun to watch. Dave is reveling in it. He
01:23can't get enough of people hating him and watching him perform well in this game. He wants the hate.
01:29We also have Kirk against Big Cat. Dan Katz, another guy who was absolutely
01:34fucking dead to me. Newton Dan Katz is fucking dead to me. I hate his fucking guts.
01:40I won't pretend to laugh at his stupid bits anymore. He's fucking dead to me.
01:44Thanks, Megan. Thanks, Dan. I really hoped.
01:47Newton Massachusetts' own Danny Katz. He fucked me over and was an asshole about it. And I said
01:54the thing I knew would piss him off the most. Little Danny Katz from Newton, Massachusetts.
01:58Now Kirk talking about Massachusetts, Big Cat addressing.
02:01I don't know why I've been ashamed of this for a long time. Originally from Newton,
02:07Big Cat's like, I hate Kirk now too. Kirk says, good, I hate you.
02:11He hates me. If he hates me, I'll hate him. Like I'm not, I'm going to stand in the pocket on this.
02:15He said he hates me. Great. I hate him. No problem going forward.
02:19One of us is completely comfortable with that. We had Rhea and Big Cat last night with the back
02:24and forth on, in the show of like him asking her to, telling her to vote him out. We also have,
02:31let's see what else is there. Rico Bosco against Boston.
02:35Will's chirping and fucking JP Hovey, who can't do a social post correct,
02:39is fucking chirping me left and right. Like it turns out the game is strategy. You need to lose
02:44so that you can do that. Let me ask you a question. Did the Chiefs lose this week on purpose
02:49against the Bengals? Like potentially, right? To keep the Bengals out. So suck my dick, JP Hovey.
02:54JP going at Rico from the Boston crew. Everybody, they're like, they're calling him Rico. Like,
03:01you know, the Game of Thrones character gets neutered. They tweeted out a GIF, but it was
03:05like three days later, Dave was like, oh, these minds, nothing gets by these Boston boys. So
03:10it's hard. I was trying to draw a diagram. Kirk versus Big Cat, Dave versus Kirk, Will, Taylor,
03:18and Whitney. Dave and I didn't want Taylor or Will to win $250,000 cash on Barstool's networks
03:26and then be like, oh, and by the way, we're leaving for a competitor two seconds later.
03:30Rico versus Boston, Rico versus Kirk. Rico giving that to Dave is the most pathetic thing anybody's
03:37ever done in the history of civilization. There's no lower moment. You can't dig any deeper than
03:42that. I think that's what Shay is involved now. And I don't even know if you're asking people
03:48about this and I'm not trying to start any sort of fights. The Stephen Shay tweets are the gayest
03:54things I've ever seen in my life. You have Taylor versus Shay, the battle we've all been wanting to
03:58see. Gaz getting in the mix, like with just such an obvious bait tweet, Taylor biting the bait
04:07immediately. So we have Gaz versus LeJuan, all out chaos, just all out chaos. It's hard to keep
04:13track, but people are saying like, oh, it's a Barstool civil war. There's like two clear sides
04:18though, in a war, in a civil war, especially. I don't know. This is like a, uh, every man for
04:23themselves. This is like a, it's a call of duty, like a death, everybody, a Royal Rumble. Like
04:28everybody's fighting different people for a variety of different reasons. It's awesome.
04:34You got to give it up now. If you want to give it up, you have to do it before the vote.
04:38Do you want to give it up? You do not have to do it, but if you want to give it up,
04:40you have to do it before the vote. Yeah, I'm giving it to Dave. Don't do it. Don't
04:44fucking take that off your neck Rico. Are you really? Are you really?
04:50What are you doing? Oh my God. Dave is safe from elimination. Hold on. I know, but holy shit,
04:59you're the worst. That was sad. That was sad. He fucking literally messed up. I know better than
05:07anybody. I know I've been here the longest. I know how it is. That was pathetic. That was pathetic.
05:13That was at that point. I know, I know why you did it, but it's fucking stupid.
05:21I was, I was like, you never made a stupid judgment in your life.
05:34Emotional toll. That's what I'll say. It took an emotional toll.
05:38So just back in the saddle for that. Yeah. You know, it's, it's crazy that like something
05:42affects you from months ago, but that's the way this, this goes. But yeah, it's
05:46back. I, the thing is I made it out of there. I don't know how I did, but I made it out of there.
05:50So dude, when that happened, I was sad. I wasn't, I was just like,
05:57why? Why? He's not going to respect you for that. He was mad at you. What? Yeah.
06:02I'm not going to stop. The way he walked over and just took that. Yeah. So like, yeah,
06:08he was so happy to do that. It's like literally, I get it. You're like a battered dog. You know
06:12what I mean? God. Hey Frank. Played a good game though. Made it out of there. I mean,
06:25everyone wanted to kill you. Everyone wanted to kill you.
06:32What do you think about this guy watching him on Survivor right now? I mean,
06:35just the most idiotic move I've ever seen. I mean, my reaction at the house that was, I'm still,
06:41I, I watched it again at my house and I think I had the same reaction. What are you doing?
06:45What are you doing? What? Oh, I hate this. Oh my God. Why did he do that? I don't know. I don't
06:53get this game. I don't get this game. Um, but then again, he's still in the game and I'm,
06:58I'm long gone. So who am I to say? There's still a lot of game left. You know, I'm, I'm long gone.
07:02I'm watching the house and screaming at my TV and hoping, you know, hoping people will hear me
07:06with no, no luck. So, um, yeah, it's hard to say much cause there's still, there's still a lot of
07:10game left. So, um, stay, stay tuned. Cause it's, it's just, this is the most wild experience I've
07:16ever been a part of. What'd your boys think of your imposter? Guys are genius. You know,
07:23I had an idol, gave it to someone, came back with another one. Who does that?
07:27An immunity token from Pink Whitney. Now would be the time to show it off.
07:40Of course. It's hard to watch. It's hard to watch. It was, uh, God, I don't know. I just,
07:48there was those, those, those eyes, those eyes. What, what, what's the phrase? Like,
07:54even like the eyes say a thousand words or some shit like that. Probably just butchered it,
07:58but that was, I've never, I've never seen a look like that before. Maybe in my time at
08:03Barstool, they like a deadness of sadness. Uh, I love Bosco to death. There was, I,
08:10I sat there questioning if Dave said, bend over, he wouldn't just turn around.
08:14That was tough as a writer. It's hard to watch as a friend. Hard to watch.
08:18At that point in the game, I was so fucked up that I said the money doesn't matter to me. I'd
08:22rather him not be mad at me. This. And I even said to him, I said, we're square. What I should
08:25have done was push a little bit more. $250,000. You get fucked up. You get fucked up. No, no, no,
08:36you don't. You met me when you said that, when you go, uh, when you go RV square, he goes, no,
08:45no, he goes, it's a store. We're square. And he was like, and he even says at the end,
08:49he goes, you're with us. Masterclass masterclass. Hey Maria movie and big cat
08:58came in, came together as a group of four, somehow got out three people from a group of
09:02seven. It was like watching Picasso paint. Um, it was brilliant to watch. It's up there. Um,
09:08the greatest reality performances I've ever seen. It's an honor to work for him.
09:13Dude, it's terrible. Like, look, this company is best when nobody's in fighting,
09:18when everybody's getting along. I hate to see, I mean, we've got like Taylor and Wilbur's Dave,
09:24Taylor and Wilbur's Rico Kirk versus big cat, big cat versus Kirk's universe Kirk verse.
09:35I don't know. A lot of fight. I'm just, Hey, as my old friend Smitty once said, choose love.
09:42What's up? We're having a day on the internet. Having a day. Yeah. He's back. I guess I'll say
09:47not. I'm officially a writer. I'm back until I do like, I'm back. I get accused of not being
09:57in a company meeting for four minutes and here we go. I never accused you that I was Jackie.
10:03I never said that I I'm firmly back in the rider camp. Yeah. It's good to be back. You just gotta,
10:09this is the thing with me. Start down, go up. Can't come back down. I got to stay up, which
10:13is a rarity. So we'll see. This is like old takes exposed. Like let's go. I'm saying we got to stay
10:18up. It's impossible for us. We just come back down. It's a rollercoaster. Dave being a writer
10:23is great. I mean, you know, the old dog returns back home. Um, he earned it. I mean, he gave,
10:28gave Dave the necklace and, uh, Dave, uh, you know, said, you know what, you've earned it.
10:33I've been hard on your Rico, but all right. Yeah. The Boston social theme is, you know,
10:42coming to me. Yeah. Airstrike strikes from Nashville. I didn't know these guys. It was an
10:47unexpected bomb and I figured it out and then that's what they're doing. So we had some bodies
10:51on them. We tweeted out a couple of things, a couple of jabs, you know, may have had some help
10:56with digging up those jabs. Maybe Jack McCarthy's back helping out. It's good. It's good to see.
11:02We're digging up guys and coming out of the woodwork now you're on top of the world. So
11:05we'll see for now anyway. So we'll see. I mean, yeah, he was more excited that Jack McCarthy was
11:11back riding than he's been me riding his fucking dick for the past four years going on to fucking
11:15every single show he ever has helping him out. But zero, zero smirk or smiles, but we're happy.
11:20Jack McCarthy's riding again. Whatever. Legitimately got a boner on pick century.
11:26The Jack's riding again. Yeah. Been here for four years. Enemies. Yeah.
11:32When you convert your biggest enemies, it's a news story. You just do acts every single day.
11:36You get no credit for what you do, but you know, Jack McCarthy's riding again. Let's get up.
11:42Sorry, Deuce. They're assholes. What do you mean? Yeah. They jumped in. I like it. And then they,
11:47I'm they, they want to dig up my body. Like, Oh, he's got bad tempers. You guys got ridiculed a few
11:51times. I have the bodies. You were roasting. Uh, what's his name for his story? How he got the
11:55bar. Oh my God. That's the worst story. I don't understand. Have you listened to it yet? No,
12:01you were just telling me that it's not great, but it's insane. It's one of the best stories.
12:05Long walk for a ham sandwich. I saw that. Happy about that. That's good.
12:11We got McCarthy too. We've converted a few people. Good showing last night.
12:17Things we're looking at. Yeah. Healthy debate got extended to June.
12:25How did the base taking this place to Jerry at the dark? We're going to have you drink a
12:28robot. Tussing with Terry. New desk. New desk. Yeah. Um, Glennie signed over the lease.
12:37Um, he lives on with this picture of us. One of the first pictures of us about eight years ago.
12:43Um, but yeah, new desk. Someone had to take it over. I've really only had this job. It's my job.
12:49Basically. I worked at my best friend's parents accounting firm in high school during the
12:53summers. And this, those have been my only two jobs ever in my life. So it's a little scary to
12:57leave this one, especially one as good as this, but, um, we could all agree anyone watching this
13:02that's a stool scenes fan or anyone, uh, that I'm like the most partial person ever. Like me and
13:07Robbie were saying this other day, there was, if you could rank people that would literally die
13:11here, I'd probably be up on top of the list. So it's kind of creepy that we're not, that I'm not
13:16going to die. I'm still mad. Who knows? But, um, it's weird. It's my way. There's a pit in my
13:21stomach right now talking about it. It's making me very sad. I mean, I am, I mean, I'm happy.
13:24It's going to be hopefully what me and Preston are doing will be fun, but you know, I love bar
13:29stool. So I'm sad. How do we feel about it? We're all happy about it. We're all, we were sick of him
13:36by the end. He had become a real diva around these parts, demanding interns assistance. Yeah. Oh,
13:42yeah. He's insufferable out of control. So happy that he's gone. We're, we're very happy that we've
13:47moved on from that chapter and hopefully that's behind us and we'll never go back there. So yeah,
13:52I mean, Caleb, his contract's up obviously. And then, yeah, I don't know what I was going to do.
13:57Yeah. Like a few months ago, Dave just texted me out of blue. He was like, Hey, what are you going
14:00to do with Caleb? Do you want to go? Obviously if you could go, if you want to go, you could go.
14:03So me and Caleb discussed and I guess I'm a disciple of Caleb now. Caleb is starting a
14:10production company and I'm going to be the first content employee of the production company. So
14:15if we want to do other things, which I'm sure we would do, we'll do other things. But we have
14:18Sunday obviously to rub around with that. Balls isn't gone, right? Balls is actually gone. Balls
14:25is not here anymore. I don't know. But, um, Miss Peaches, I just stole these from your dad's desk.
14:31They're for my dog now. You snooze, you lose, bitch.
14:36Yeah. Honestly, I gotta tell you something. Vibes have been high over here. A lot of good
14:42conversation happening with Bob. What'd I tell you? I miss, I miss Glenn. I mean,
14:47look at the picture he's got on there. I miss him.
14:50Yeah.
14:54I miss Bob bullying Glenn. You miss him? How do you like it over here?
15:00No, I don't miss him. I've been texting him, still bullying him about leaving us in the
15:05dust and whatnot. But we knew he would leave us one day. We knew that was his true character.
15:12Cared more about Diplo and Jimmy John than us.
15:14Incredibly sad news. Glennie Balls out. Glennie Balls has left the building. He's been my desk
15:23mate forever. He's been my running mate. We travel the country together, mainly to Nashville.
15:29We chase tail, we go out, we party, we have fun. And now he's gone. And so instead I got
15:36Robbie, who is engaged and a nerd. Um, but you know, we're going to get along well. I mean,
15:43we've still got this picture up of Robbie and Glennie. Remember all the good times. Now you'll
15:48notice instead of just pictures of big breasted women, Robbie has like Star Wars stuff. So that
15:54tells you the difference between them, but I'll miss it. Me and Glennie, we'd spend a lot of our
15:57mornings saying, look how hot this girl is. And we'd just take turns looking at each other's
16:02Instagrams and say like, you see this girl? She's so hot. And he'd say, oh yeah, she's hot. You see
16:06this girl? And that would last 45 minutes to an hour, hour and a half. So I might end up being
16:12more productive, um, at work, but, uh, I'm going to miss, I mean, Robbie, look, Robbie's a good kid.
16:17I like to give him shit, but he's a good egg. I'm excited for us to grow, um, as friends, but,
16:22um, it won't be the same without Mr. Balls. And I'll just say what a tough off season for the Uptown
16:28Balls. Like, I don't even know like how to even say it. It's so weird. I just feel like I'm,
16:32I feel like Barstow should be like my middle name. Like it's just, I mean, I just love it so much.
16:36Um, I mean, getting hired was insane. Obviously that was the scariest part of my life. Like,
16:43are we more, I get a fucking Caleb's got somebody. Sorry, guy. I hope that's not what you said in
16:49my house. What's that? I hired him as an unpaid intern and he's, this guy's already been hired.
16:53Yeah. You're supposed to meet with him next, but he just took, uh, I already hired him. He's fast.
16:57I saw him on eyes. He also asked them what they're running. No, he's not. He's a competitive eater.
17:02I have zero chance. He's fast. I have a video of him running on the show. He ran the whole street.
17:07He's really fast. He's a competitive eater. He's been in four championships. And he also,
17:10he said he can be here on every day that Clint is not here. And he could sit at Clint's desk.
17:15Former umpire. Let's see it. Caleb, do you mind being a catcher and just having a real quick
17:21strike three call? Yeah. Yeah. Strike three. That's really your call. Yeah. I mean, it was a
17:28while ago. I don't really, I don't really do it. That was your call. If it was like, I have an
17:33umpire and I'm like, don't be nervous. Cause you already hired. You want another shot? That was,
17:36no. I mean, you don't have, if you're an umpire, you have a call. I never played. I've never done
17:40like college or like MLB humping where I'd have to actually yell. It was more like this. Did you
17:46hire this guy? I hired him already. So you're making us look bad now. Well, he put a, he's
17:51like a kid. How long ago were you on a bike? I don't even know what I ran in there. I think
17:552013, 2012, 2014. All right. See you, man. Do you have any nicknames for him?
18:04No, no. The only really nickname they call me is a funny balls. It's like my fake,
18:08like gambling alias that I fuck around with. Even talking about leaving is making my heart
18:18beat like it did when I got hired. I was so scared. Well, I mean, I kissed you Barrymore here.
18:23Here's a scene. A strong Australian man walks into a fine dining restaurant, sits down to a
18:28woman he's on a date with. Okay. A beautiful Australian woman. I'm, am I playing that
18:32beautiful? I'll be the director. Action. Cheerio, Drew. What are you be having tonight?
18:42Um, I don't know. I don't know what I want. Why don't you just get the, uh, Bloomin' Onion?
18:48Uh, well, what if I don't want the Bloomin' Onion? What if, what if, Glennie, what if I want you?
18:58Really, Drew? How about I show you? All right.
19:08This is off the top of my head. I mean, my favorite memory is probably like our first
19:11Super Bowl trip. That first Super Bowl trip that I went to in Houston, like when I first
19:15got hired and like we had the Barstool party. Music. Emergency press conference. Listen,
19:22Houston live. We're going to be there Friday night before the Pats win their fifth Lombardi.
19:28We're going to throw the biggest party in the history of that Super Bowl, in the history of
19:32events, in the history of parties. It's going to be a private event, open bar. If you're wondering,
19:37Hey, how do I get to this party? You're probably not invited. We had a huge party at Barstool.
19:41And like, I remember there was just seeing like all the people at the party. I was like,
19:45this is unbelievable. Like I haven't, three months ago, I was literally doing nothing,
19:49going to school, hating it. And then I was at this party and I just remember seeing that
19:53like realization of that. So I would say probably that first, that first work trip to Houston,
19:58we were there for like eight days and it was a blast with the Comedy Central show. But yeah,
20:02that's probably, I would say that is my favorite. Just like first time seeing everything at the
20:05party. One of the cooler things is like my dad's favorite baseball player ever is George Bradley.
20:10He wears like a number five chain, literally for George Bradley. I think he flew to Kansas
20:14City for George Brett's last game. And my mom's favorite person ever is Annie Cohen. She watches
20:17Watch What Happens Live every night. So within like the first six months of working at Barstool,
20:21like I had George Brett on the show I was doing and like have his number.
20:35And I did Watch What Happens Live. So I got to bring my mom to Watch What Happens Live.
20:39What are we right now? It's like 730. We're three and a half hours to showtime. Feel pretty
20:45good. I'm not that nervous. I think I'll probably get more nervous like 1030. Get back to me at
20:481030. I woke up like five times last night, hoping that it was time to wake up for this.
20:56I skipped class today for Glenn's Watch What Happens Live, but Glenn still went to class.
21:01Glennie actually requested I wear this shirt.
21:03You can see why.
21:20A night this testosterone heavy requires a bartender who knows his way around some balls.
21:26So at the bar from the sports comedy brand Barstool Sports, it's Glennie Balls.
21:31It's like even like one Sunday, I remember we were having Sunday night dinner and like
21:35my phone just rang and it was like George Brett. I was like, this is crazy, whatever's happening.
21:39So it was cool to get like Andy Cohen and George Brett with like the first six months.
21:43I'm most concerned about like the camaraderie. Like I do love, like I have a lot of great
21:47friends here. Like I would consider Robbie, Tommy, Marty, like somebody Dana, I guess.
21:52Some of my best friends. So it's like, obviously with me and Caleb we're doing,
21:55it's a trap. We traveled every guest. So we're traveling. We're fine. We're good.
21:58Like, am I just going to be sitting home on a Monday right now? I have no idea. We'll see.
22:02But like, I love coming to the work. I love coming to the office. I love the camaraderie.
22:04So that's, that's probably my favorite thing. I've grown this the most.
22:07I don't even know. I just, I just, I love Barstool. I love everybody. I love
22:12all the stoolies. I love everybody. I love everybody here. It's, it's, it's a sad moment,
22:15but hopefully we all work out well and life goes on, but I love everybody. And trust me, I am so
22:23sad.
22:24Fucking Caleb. What does he need to answer that for? The kid doesn't do it. What a, this is
22:32surreal that that guy got hired before he even got any hair. Literally because he ran down the
22:36street. He's fat. Glennie Balls. What a fucking character. I mean, you once hired a blind guy
22:42cause he's blind. But there's plenty of fat guys. Glennie Balls is like, I mean, fat's not. Glennie
22:48Balls. I do like that nickname, but I mean, he, he's gonna, let me say that he's going to
22:52contribute nothing to the growth of this company. He's just a fatso. Glennie Balls, who's going to
22:57be, people can laugh at. So I guess that is contributing, but unbelievable. Unbelievable.
23:03Literally four straight Ivy League guys right there. Like very well thought out. Like analytics,
23:08let's grow the company and Glennie Balls, the shoes not like fit in his ankles is fly half down.
23:15And then we go Glennie Balls.