If Anti-Drug Ads Were Honest - Honest Ads [Scruff McGruff, War On Drugs Parody] - video Dailymotion

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Okay, we admit it, the war on drugs did NOT work out as we hoped. | Use my link: https://ground.news/honest, to get 40% off unlimited access to Ground News. Start cutting through sensationalism today and discover the truth.  Starring: McGort The Crime Hort: Jack Hunter Former Incarcerated Person: Dorian Debose  Written by: Eli Yudin Producer/Director: Michael Strauss Director of Photography: Rob Menzer Editor: Gabrielle Williott Sound: Maxwell DiPaolo Executive Producer: Gabrielle Williott  00:00 Ground News Ad 01:21 Intro War on Drugs Honest Ad 01:44 McGort the Crime Hort 01:58 Drugs! 02:38 Our war on drugs is overly punitive  03:15 Iraq & Sadam Hussein 03:42 Who's racist now? 04:00 My great evil 04:50 The system works! 05:50 We appreciate the sacrifice   See more http://www.cracked.com LIKE us on: http://www.facebook.com/cracked FOLLOW us on: http://www.twitter.com/cracked FOLLOW us on: http://cracked.tumblr.com

Transcript

00:00Before you watch this honest ad about the war on drugs, I'm going to show you a real ad about the war on truth.

00:06And don't click away, because I know when you do.

00:08We're proud to partner with Ground News to make sure the comedy videos we bring you are based on facts.

00:15Ground News is a website and app developed by a former Nassau engineer

00:19on a mission to give readers an easy, data-driven, objective way to read the news.

00:24And the best part? Ground News is subscriber-funded, which means there are no ads on the platform.

00:29So you can stop complaining about ads for a few minutes. God knows I hear about it enough.

00:34Every story comes with a quick visual breakdown of the political bias, factuality, and ownership of the sources reported.

00:41Take this article about President Biden pardoning thousands of marijuana charges.

00:46You can see in the bias distribution here that 33% of these outlets lean left, while just 15% lean right.

00:54If you'd rather decide for yourself because you're not a little sheep, Ground News easily organizes this info

01:01so you can check out the differences between the left-leaning headline and the right.

01:05You'll see the left-leaning publication is high factuality, while the right is mixed factuality.

01:10Go to ground.news slash honest or scan the QR code on the screen to get 40% off unlimited access to all their amazing features.

01:20The link is in the description.

01:22Attention, ne'er-do-wells, rascals, and rotten apples. Your days of drug-using are coming to an end.

01:29You better not be out there taking inhales of the old jazz cabbage, puffs of the devil's lettuce,

01:35heaping helpings of Indian hay, cylinders of the blue sage, chewing the cap of Lucifer's pen,

01:41because it's me, McGort the Crime Horde.

01:51Drugs. People voluntarily put that stuff in their lungs, or mouths, or veins, or sometimes rubbed into their gums,

02:06or occasionally mixed into a solution in a turkey baster that they shove up their ass.

02:12Disgusting. I can't even imagine what kind of thing would motivate someone to sneak the hellish high produced from such tools.

02:20There's no possible reason or psychiatric motivation that would cause someone to self-medicate.

02:26It's simply a reflection of moral failing, like adultery or driving a Hummer. An evil I'm here to fight.

02:34Now I hear what you bleeding hearts are saying, that our war on drugs is overly punitive,

02:40and that it's an overly cruel response to people caught up in it, that we don't care about them,

02:47and that we don't give them resources they need. Oh yeah? Would we spend one trillion dollars on people we don't care about?

02:55I'm not sure you understand how much that is. Imagine a million dollars.

03:00That's only one millionth of the budget we've devoted to our kindly crusade.

03:06Oh, so we shouldn't fight any wars that are hard? If people like you had their way, Saddam Hussein would still be in power.

03:13Instead of the current state of Iraq, which I haven't had time to check on because I've been fighting drugs so much,

03:20but I assume is some sort of modern democratic utopia where the McDonald's fries flow like water.

03:27You want us to just give up? Well, let's have a look at the sort of people that would still be doing evil among us.

03:34And before you say we're racist for showing you a person of color, maybe remember that that's who we're overwhelmingly arresting.

03:41So who's racist now? If so many white people were using drugs, wouldn't we be investigating, arresting, and sentencing them similarly?

03:50Maybe you should watch a few YouTube podcasts and learn a few things.

03:54Now, Paul, why don't you tell the citizens the great evil you did?

04:00My great evil was I grew when I sold marijuana in the 1970s. It caught me with about 100 plants in my back shed.

04:07100 marijuana plants. That's basically 100 grams of heroin.

04:14At least according to the federal sentencing guidelines that I keep tucked in here right next to my heart.

04:22What drove you to such evil? Was it the service of Satan?

04:26No, it was in the service of paying rent that I couldn't provide for my family.

04:31And by your family, do you mean your found family of Satan and all the other criminals?

04:39No, I mean my regular God-fearing family. My wife, Louise, and my son, Paul Jr., who I then didn't see for a decade because I spent that time in federal prison.

04:49Ah, you see, the system works. You're welcome for the room and board, by the way.

04:54I gotta go. I gotta go to my grandkids' soccer game.

05:00I feel safer. Don't you?

05:03Now, though, I've got my secret weapon for you who criticize how we handle drugs here.

05:08The fact that for all your whining, we've decriminalized marijuana in many places.

05:15Despite our disgust for these disgusting substances, we weighed the consequences

05:21and the massive untapped store of tax dollars we were missing out on.

05:25And we made a decision we should be lauded for.

05:29So shut up about it. It's a better world now.

05:33Bet all those generations of mainly low-income and non-white drug offenders are smiling,

05:39looking out from their cell, knowing that they've paved the way for white, well-to-do entrepreneurs to open dispensaries.

05:46We appreciate your sacrifice.

05:49And to us in the anti-drug offensive, a job well done.

05:53I'm off home to celebrate in a good, moral fashion.

05:57By drinking a handle of bourbon, screaming at my wife, and driving into an old growth tree.

06:03I've been Roger McGort, the Crime Horde.

06:07Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof!

If Anti-Drug Ads Were Honest - Honest Ads [Scruff McGruff, War On Drugs Parody]

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