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00:00Discipline is helping a child solve a problem.
00:03The motivation of discipline is not to vent your anger.
00:06Never hit your children or react to your children
00:09out of anger.
00:10Respond.
00:11Take a moment.
00:13Discipline is a decision you make to help solve a problem,
00:17whether that's taking away a phone,
00:19whether it's you can't go out or you need to do X, Y, and Z.
00:22Discipline, you're trying,
00:23the motivation is I wanna help make you stronger.
00:26I wanna help make you better.
00:28Punishment, though, is making a child suffer
00:31for having a problem.
00:32I'm gonna get you.
00:34I'm so mad at what you did.
00:35You embarrassed me, and somehow it becomes about you
00:39instead of the benefit of the child.
00:40But abandonment, doing nothing,
00:43is acting like the problem doesn't exist.
00:46We are in part two of our parenting series,
00:59and we're gonna begin in 2 Samuel chapter 13,
01:04beginning with verse 19.
01:05Some of this, it'll take a moment before you pick up
01:08if you did not, if you weren't with us last week.
01:13Verse 19, then Tamar put ashes on her head.
01:21She, back in this time, ashes were a sign of mourning,
01:28and the bread she had just cooked for Amnon,
01:32she reached in and she took the hot ashes out,
01:37put it on her head, covered her face,
01:39and even as she cried,
01:41her steertains would go through the ash,
01:44and black tears would drip from her face,
01:46and all of this was a sign of her grief.
01:51You see, things bottled up in life
01:53tend to resurface in uglier forms later
01:57until we address them.
02:00And I recognize that everyone in this room
02:02is strong and independent and bold and brave,
02:08but God gave us tears so we can't hide
02:11from the sight of those we love
02:13how much we need help at times.
02:17And in this moment, she tore her robe of many colors.
02:24Joseph, if you recall, also wore this robe of many colors,
02:29and this robe represented the fact that she was a princess.
02:33This was her mantle.
02:37But after what had just happened,
02:39she did not feel like a princess anymore.
02:44Amnon had hurt her, abused her,
02:50and then kicked her out.
02:54And one of the most self-destructive things
02:56you can do in life is believe the opinion
03:00of someone who doesn't love you.
03:05And she was battling with this.
03:09Is the way he treated me the way I'm supposed to be treated?
03:13Did I do something to merit what just happened in that bedroom?
03:22And she laid her hand on her head
03:26and went away crying bitterly.
03:29This was not just a gentle tear running down her face.
03:33This was not flying.
03:34I mean, these are tears pouring down.
03:38She wept all the way home.
03:43You see, these types of tears, maybe they're 1% water,
03:46but they're really 99% pain.
03:50And no one can cry these types of tears for you but you.
03:57In Absalom, her brother said to her,
04:01you see, she couldn't go to daddy
04:04because daddy wasn't healthy.
04:07And daddy would only make excuses for his sons.
04:13Parenting principle number one, a good parent
04:17is not just someone a child comes from,
04:21but a person a child can run to.
04:23That's good.
04:26David had not yet developed into that man just yet.
04:34And before we beat up on David, we
04:35got to look a little bit into his background.
04:38How did David get here?
04:41And sometimes the question is not what's wrong with you
04:43as much as what happened to you.
04:47Let's go back in David's life, 1 Samuel 16 and 10.
04:52This is just one glimpse into probably a regular experience
04:58for David.
05:00Thus Jesse, who was David's daddy,
05:02made seven of his sons pass before Samuel.
05:06Now having Samuel come to your home in these days
05:08was very much like having the President of the United States
05:11come to your house.
05:12He was the judge of the nation.
05:14He was the prophet of the land.
05:17And so you have President Obama, President Biden, President
05:22Trump coming to your table, and you intensely
05:25don't invite one of your kids to dinner.
05:29And eventually, the prophet, he knows
05:31God called him to appoint, anoint one of the children.
05:37But we know in part and see in part,
05:40so we don't always know all the details.
05:42But he did know, listen, God, you sent me here.
05:45But in his gut, none of these kids
05:47are the one you want me to anoint.
05:49So he said to Samuel, the Lord has not chosen these,
05:53and God does not choose the way we choose.
05:57You see, you may have children you may enjoy more than others.
06:02Maybe it's because of their maturity level.
06:04Maybe it's because of shared interests.
06:06Maybe it's because of shared values.
06:08But never let it be because there's a child you love less.
06:12You see, enjoying a child is not the same as loving a child.
06:16You see, if your son is incarcerated,
06:17your daughter is incarcerated, there's
06:19a limited amount of enjoyment you can have.
06:22And it's not that you love that child less,
06:24but that child that you know has done what they needed to do
06:27and can come to your house and be at dinner,
06:30there's just a level of enjoyment.
06:31Do you understand what I'm saying?
06:33So you know, with God the Father,
06:35God wouldn't love me less if I went sideways,
06:38but he wouldn't get the same level of enjoyment.
06:41So what I'm trying to do is bring enjoyment
06:44into the heart of my father.
06:46You hear what I'm saying, Father God.
06:47And each of us, when we walk into the room,
06:50we want to bring joy.
06:52Not just say, well, God loves me,
06:53but bring joy into the heart of the Father.
07:00And Samuel said to Jesse, are all the young men here?
07:04Well, then Jesse says, well, you know, there's this one kid.
07:09And there he is.
07:11So meaning, David was, you know, they could see David.
07:18So he was within sight, but he intensely
07:21did not want him to come.
07:24And he was out there keeping the sheep.
07:26So the most respected man in all of Israel
07:28shows up for dinner at Jesse's house,
07:32and Jesse calls all his sons except one.
07:35How many of you know that had to sting?
07:38Yeah.
07:39And Samuel said to Jesse, send and bring him.
07:45The dad only invited David because Samuel pressed him,
07:50meaning dad didn't want David at the table.
07:54And this is why some scholars say that David
07:57was really the son of Jesse's cheating heart,
08:01the son of Jesse's philandering, the son of Jesse's wandering eye,
08:05the son that he was not particularly proud of having.
08:10Now I can't be sure, but I could kind of read that into the text.
08:14All I do know is that David grew up feeling very, very left out.
08:21And it's highly possible that David's dad was just a little bit harder on David than
08:26the others.
08:28And this could be the reason why David overcompensated with his own kids.
08:33Perhaps his dad was, you know, was a little harsh with him, and always like, well, I will
08:39never do that to my children.
08:41But you see, what I learned in life, hurt people hurt people.
08:47And principle number two, good parents know raising a child is not making up for the deficiencies
08:53in your childhood.
08:56It's about giving your child what they need for theirs.
09:03Back to 2 Samuel 13, 20.
09:08In Absalom her brother said to her, again she couldn't go to dad, she had to go to brother.
09:14Has Amnon your brother been with you?
09:17Obviously Absalom was suspicious of Amnon's request when Amnon asked for his most beautiful
09:25sister to go to his house.
09:29And if he didn't suspect something, he would not have been able to guess this as quickly
09:33as he did.
09:34You see, anyone paying attention could have seen this coming.
09:39But David as a daddy was asleep at the wheel.
09:44And some wheels you just can't fall asleep at.
09:48I'll sew you up before we're done.
09:53But now hold your peace, my sister.
09:56He is your brother.
10:03Wow.
10:09The gist of what he was saying underneath that bold statement that's very painful is
10:15that Tamar, if you take this public it's going to be a disgrace to the entire family.
10:22You see, every family has secrets, and sometimes this can be okay because everything's not
10:28everybody's business, and people need space to grow and all the rest.
10:32But we've got to be careful.
10:34A family secret is like keeping an unspoken promise, but if it remains unaddressed by
10:43those in the family it can become an unspoken prison.
10:51So he said, don't take these things to heart.
10:54Absalom tried to comfort his sister by saying, sis, this was not your fault.
11:01This was on Amnon.
11:02This is about his issues, his lust, his lack of discipline, what's wrong in his heart.
11:10But these were words she ultimately needed to hear from dad.
11:15It's amazing how often we blame ourselves when other people hurt us.
11:24But it's something all of us do.
11:29Often we confuse accepting responsibility with accepting blame.
11:35You see, I must always accept responsibility for my choices, but I will never accept blame
11:42for someone else's.
11:46As much as I love you, as much as your parents may love you, your life is not their circus,
11:54and it's not their monkey's, it's yours.
12:04So Tamar, watch this, remained desolate in her brother Absalom's house.
12:12She gave up on herself, and she gave up on her future.
12:20What someone else does may define them, but never let it define you.
12:28And when King David heard of all these things, he was very, very, very, very angry.
12:36He didn't take steps to fix the issue, he just became emotional.
12:44And many of us kind of lead that way.
12:46We just get emotional.
12:48It's just a bunch of bluster, a door slam, and things breaking.
12:53But the issue is never, or seldom, addressed.
13:01Principle number three, discipline is helping a child solving a problem.
13:09Punishment is making a child suffer for having a problem, but abandonment is acting like
13:16the problem does not exist.
13:19And in this situation, David abandoned his daughter.
13:27One more time.
13:29Discipline is helping a child solve a problem.
13:32The motivation of discipline is not to vent your anger.
13:36Never hit your children or react to your children out of anger.
13:41Respond.
13:42Take a moment.
13:44Discipline is a decision you make to help solve a problem, whether that's taking away
13:49a phone, whether it's you can't go out, or you need to do X, Y, and Z.
13:53Discipline, you're trying- the motivation is I want to help make you stronger.
13:57I want to help make you better.
13:59Punishment, though, is making a child suffer for having a problem.
14:02I'm going to get you.
14:05I'm so mad at what you did.
14:06You embarrassed me, and somehow it becomes about you instead of the benefit of the child.
14:11But abandonment, doing nothing, is acting like the problem doesn't exist.
14:19Twenty-two.
14:21And Absalom spoke to his brother Amnon, watch this, neither good nor bad.
14:29Absalom maintained the ultimate poker face, because deep down in his heart he planned
14:35to do to his brother what his father wouldn't do.
14:41You see, nature abhors a vacuum.
14:44Where we don't lead, someone else will step in and fill that gap.
14:50And Absalom actually ended up filling the role of Tamar's father, and it was a role
14:56he wasn't equipped for.
14:58There were emotions he wasn't yet ready to manage.
15:03So men and women, when we step back from things we're assigned to do, it just creates a gap
15:10that culture fills, or Pookie fills, or Slick Rick fills, or somebody that ought not be
15:18in that seat, or even a child that's just not developed enough to handle that pressure.
15:27But it was because we didn't step up.
15:29And you know, in this generation there are things God wants us to do, and in this culture
15:34it seems like a lot of the wrong people are stepping up, but it's because the righteous
15:39are silent.
15:40But if we would step up, if we would step in, if we would lift our voice, you hear what
15:44I'm saying?
15:48Others would not have such a platform.
15:52For Absalom hated Amnon.
15:57Hatred injures the hater more than the hated, because it shrinks the character of the carrier.
16:09He hated Amnon.
16:11And I understand this.
16:12I get this.
16:14As a matter of fact, the first time I read these narratives, I was like, I get Absalom.
16:17As a matter of fact, Absalom, I don't blame you.
16:19I get it, and I understand Absalom.
16:22And if I tell you more about myself, don't judge me, but I needed Jesus in my life, because
16:28I was the type of guy, do me wrong, and if I can't respond in the moment, I'm going to
16:32lay in the cut.
16:35And right when you don't least expect it, I'm going to pop up and remind you, you hear
16:40what I'm saying?
16:41Yeah.
16:42So, I was—I needed—I was that type of guy, so I understand Absalom.
16:49So he hated Amnon, so every day he'd think about it, because he forced his sister Tamar.
16:55I mean, he had every good reason, but some things, as horrible as they are, you've got
17:02to leave to God and leave to the authorities, you hear what I'm saying?
17:07It's not worth going to prison over?
17:10Leave it to God.
17:11Don't ruin two lives.
17:14Leave it to God.
17:18And it came to pass after two full years, so Absalom again laid in the cut for two years
17:24waiting for an opportunity to get even.
17:28Now in many ways, Absalom was a remarkable young man, but because he was smart and he
17:34was cunning.
17:35Imagine if he would have used his cunning for good.
17:40So then it goes on as Sheep Shearer time comes, which is, you know, really like their Christmas.
17:44It was a time of celebration.
17:46Everyone was happy, and you were going to get new clothes because the wool was there,
17:50and you might even eat, you know, some lamb.
17:52You'd call people over and there'd be celebration, and Absalom invited all the king's sons.
18:00Then Absalom came to the king after he invited his brothers and said—because he knew, by
18:05the way, that Amnon probably would not come, because Amnon was just a little bit embarrassed,
18:10and Amnon was probably not comfortable around Absalom because, you know, he had this grudge.
18:14So what Absalom's doing is working on making sure Amnon's there another way.
18:20So he says to the king, kindly note, your servant has sheep shearers.
18:24You know, it's that time of year.
18:25Please let the king and his servants go with your servant.
18:28So Absalom understood if David came, all of his sons would have to come too, because that's
18:35the way you honored the king.
18:37So the king responded to Absalom, no my son, let us not all go now lest we be a burden
18:43to you.
18:44You see, in those days they respected—I know respect is so far gone today, but back
18:49then you still respected people, and you respected people's office, et cetera.
18:54And you could not invite a king without presenting a feast fit for a king.
19:01And David knew that this would be a lot on his son and all his servants, and it just
19:08required too much.
19:09So, so David, you know, for one of the rare times says no.
19:13But then Absalom begins to urge him.
19:15He does his very best.
19:16He's like, you know, David, come on, come on, dad.
19:19You know, come.
19:20This is important to me, whatever.
19:22But David would not go.
19:23But David did bless him, which was great.
19:26But when David declined, Absalom moved to plan B.
19:32Then Absalom said, okay dad, if you won't come, please let my brother Amnon go with
19:40us.
19:41Now this made sense because Amnon was the crown prince.
19:45He was the oldest son, and people expected him to become king after David.
19:52So what he was saying, in effect, is dad, since you won't come, send the prince in your
19:57stead.
19:58And it was a fitting, you know, invitation.
20:01And the king said to him, why should he go with you?
20:05So the king is, you know, he's suspicious.
20:07He knew what had happened and what Absalom, Amnon did to Absalom's sister.
20:13But David still had not quite learned the lesson we talked about last week.
20:16He still had a problem giving his children well-placed nose.
20:21And as a parent, you've got to learn, not no for everything, but well-placed.
20:25Some things are just not good for you yet, you hear what I'm saying?
20:28Some things will take you to the wrong place.
20:30I remember when I was in my teens, I thought I was grown, probably about 13, I thought
20:34I was a grown man.
20:36And I wanted to go see Staying Alive.
20:39And y'all, I know I'm really dating myself.
20:41It was the movie, you know, John Travolta, crazy stuff.
20:44And my mother said no.
20:47She knew what type of stuff watching that movie would bring out of me.
20:53So in her wisdom, she said no.
20:57Of course, I snuck and saw Staying Alive.
21:00But the point is, a well-placed nose sometimes lets a child know you care.
21:07You know, the only day I don't have a little thing in here is the day I need it, because
21:10I am sweating.
21:11You got something to, you know, it's just a little bit warm in here.
21:15Honey, would it be okay if I took my jacket off?
21:17She told me no earlier, so okay.
21:19See, I do take directions, so all right, there we go.
21:25Okay, I'm good.
21:29And the king said, well why should he go with you?
21:32But Absalom urged him.
21:33It was against David's better judgment, but he let Amnon and all the king's sons go with
21:38him.
21:39What do you think's about to happen?
21:43Now Absalom had commanded his servants, saying, watch now.
21:47When Amnon's heart is married with wine, watch this, he waited till Amnon was most relaxed
21:54and most vulnerable.
21:56And when I say to you, strike Amnon, then kill him.
22:01Now those of us familiar with the Bible recall, as David made Bathsheba's husband drunk, then
22:07murdered him, Amnon, his son, made his brother drunk, then murdered him.
22:16You see, a parent seldom has the clarity to see the worst in themselves until it reappears
22:24in their children.
22:28He said, do not be afraid, have I not commanded you.
22:32Be courageous and valiant in good things, but Absalom understood that his servants would
22:38be reluctant to take the life of one of the king's son.
22:42And God had already prophesied that the sword would never leave David's house because of
22:47his sin with Bathsheba, and now the whole process has begun.
22:50So the servants of Absalom did to Amnon as Absalom had commanded.
22:57Then all the king's sons arose.
23:02If we don't face our problems when they're smaller, they only grow taller.
23:08If we don't deal with issues when our child's 2, 4, 6, 16, when they're like 28, 35, 59,
23:18it becomes very, very difficult.
23:22You have a space in your child's life to influence them like none other, and don't miss your
23:30window of opportunity.
23:33Do you hear what I'm saying here?
23:36All the king's sons arose.
23:40No one likes confrontation, but all of his children are now running from one of his sons
23:46because of the monster David helped to create, because David avoided dealing with issues
23:52as they arose.
23:55You see, avoidance may be the best short-term strategy to escape conflict, but it's the
24:00best long-term strategy to ensure an explosion.
24:05And when you kick stuff down the road, you need to deal with whether it's with your children,
24:10whether it's with your spouse.
24:12You know, I have found, I know I have a perfect marriage and perfect children and everything,
24:16but I have found that when me and my wife go on vacation, that's normally where we start
24:22having some arguments.
24:25You see, most of the other time, we're too busy.
24:28And you know, I think we've got it covered, but then we go on vacation and stuff starts
24:33popping up, because you're not so busy and so distracted.
24:37And what we find is avoidance don't make the issues go away.
24:41All it does is spoil what could be good times or better times.
24:46And what I've learned is to keep a short account with people.
24:49I mean, when it comes up, if you have the relationship, I'm not talking about being
24:53a whiner and always finding fault and, oh, you're going to hurt me, because you just,
24:56you know, you accidentally did not say hello, you know, and because really you were looking
25:01the other direction.
25:02I'm not talking about silly.
25:04But when stuff comes up, keep a short account and deal with it quickly, because if you don't
25:10deal with it quickly, it's only going to grow.
25:12And what you could have, yeah, pulled up as a seed is now this huge oak.
25:22It got deep roots, and it's attached to all this other stuff, because you didn't deal
25:27with it quickly.
25:29So we're talking about parenting, but really in this series what I've really been talking
25:33about is avoidance.
25:36And it can be applied to parenting, but it can also be applied to relationships.
25:41Avoidance is one of the more deadly and dangerous things.
25:42One of the things about avoidance is you don't really realize often you're doing it, because
25:49you justify it in your mind and say, well, you know, I didn't want to hurt their feelings,
25:52or I just wanted to wait for a better time.
25:54But sometimes you do need to wait for a better time, but not a never time.
25:57You know, a lot of times it's just an excuse not to deal with the issue.
26:04So in this series, last week and this week, we've already talked about seven steps, and
26:10I'm going to repeat them.
26:11Number one, you will never help a child overcome their weakness by pretending they're not there.
26:18So you do your child no favor by acting like it's okay when it's not okay.
26:25Same thing with your spouse.
26:26You do your spouse no favor by acting like it's okay when it's not okay.
26:32Number two, a good parent knows a child may at times need help telling the truth.
26:39Not that your child's a liar.
26:40I know my kids tend to tell me the truth.
26:42They tell me straight and all the rest, but I also notice they often tell me half the
26:45truth.
26:48So they needed some pointed questions to get the further truth.
26:55Number three we learned, a well-placed no is healthy for a child every now and then.
27:01The child won't die.
27:03True story, they might even grow.
27:08Parents must live with the fact that one day their children will follow their example and
27:15not their advice.
27:18So you've got to live this thing, and live like you're the solution to their issue.
27:28Number five, and this is where we were today, a good parent is not just someone a child
27:33comes from, but someone a child can run to.
27:39Number six, raising children is not about making up for the deficiencies in your childhood.
27:45You didn't get a whole lot when you were a child, so you give your child everything and
27:49you spoil them.
27:50That's a dangerous thing.
27:53Raising children is not about making up for the deficiencies in your childhood.
27:57It's about giving your kids what they need for theirs.
28:02Number seven, discipline, watch this, is helping a child solve a problem.
28:11Discipline is designed to help.
28:14It's not the same as punishment.
28:17Never strike a kid in anger.
28:20If you're super angry, shut up.
28:24Hold your tongue and wait for- wait until you can respond and not just react.
28:31If you speak when you're angry, you're going to give the greatest speech you'll ever regret.
28:39Punishment is making your child suffer for having a problem.
28:42I'm going to get you, because you did that.
28:45You embarrassed me.
28:46I'm mad at you.
28:49We're not to punish children for having problems, because children have problems.
28:55That's why they have parents, to help them.
28:58But the worst is probably the last, but abandonment is acting like the problem does not exist.
29:08You see, David loved the Lord, the great psalmist of Israel.
29:12Problem was he just had some blind spots.
29:15And those of us in this room, we're good people.
29:18You love the Lord.
29:19I mean, David wrote the Psalms.
29:22He worshipped, he was the lead worshipper of Israel.
29:28He was an amazing king.
29:31Why?
29:32Strong in battle, but he had blind spots.
29:36And some of the issues, or some of the right traits in his life, he kind of had in one
29:43area, but he didn't let it go to other areas.
29:46So like some of us are kind on Sundays, but then Mondays, you know what I'm saying?
29:51You know, we're good in one area, but we've got to sprinkle it through every area of our
29:57lives.
30:01You see, if David would have faced his family the way he faced the giants in his life, if
30:09some of us would be as intentional, as diligent as we are on our jobs with those we love in
30:17our family, if we would pay attention to our wives as hard as we studied for that degree
30:25that got you that car and that home you live in.
30:29My Bible says we are to live with our wives according to knowledge.
30:34The Hebrew is literally you need to study your wives.
30:38Why?
30:39Because they're not easy.
30:42You're not going to get them in a day.
30:45And then you think you got them, then they change.
30:47They just change.
30:48They just change.
30:49They just change on you.
30:51They just shift.
30:52They'll keep it fresh.
30:54Yes, I am.
31:00It says study.
31:02But I learned in my life I not only study my wife, I study my children.
31:08When my children would go out to parties, my wife would always hug them when they got
31:14home.
31:15And by the way, I wasn't the one who stayed up.
31:16I went to sleep.
31:17I'm like, that joker's just going to have to figure this out.
31:21Like if I get a call, I wake up.
31:25I need Jesus.
31:30But she hugged them.
31:31You know why she hugged them?
31:33To smell them.
31:34It had nothing to do with affection, everything to do with wisdom.
31:43When I come home, just joking, just joking, just joking.
31:47First Samuel 17, it's going to be quick, I'm going to wrap up in just a second.
31:54Now David would have done, if he would have approached his family and ran to his family
32:00the way he approached the giants in his life, his life would have been very, very different.
32:05First Samuel 17, 48.
32:07So it was when the Philistine arose and came and drew near to meet David, David hurried.
32:15One translation said ran.
32:18Watch this, ran toward the army to meet the Philistine.
32:25David, whenever he ran toward the battle, he always won.
32:32But whenever he ran from and away from the battle, he'd lose.
32:39And sometimes I know in my life, I don't always feel like being outspoken.
32:43I don't always feel like being the point person.
32:46I don't always feel like having to deal with the hard issue.
32:51But I've learned when I don't run to the problem and from the problem, I always lose.
33:01Again David was not a bad man.
33:02You're not bad parents.
33:04You love your children, you love the people in your life, but in certain areas he began
33:12to avoid the hard.
33:15And I even know as a pastor, when I start avoiding hard conversations, stuff starts
33:21happening in the church, and stuff that could have been corrected at this level, now I got
33:26to deal with at that level.
33:28You hear what I'm saying?
33:30What I'm trying to impress upon you today is it's not about being a tough guy trying
33:35to be, you know, just hard-nosed.
33:37It's about loving your children and loving those around you.
33:41And if you don't deal with it at that level, it's just going to grow until, you know, at
33:47one point you could have used your finger, but now you need a chainsaw.
33:50Not only a chainsaw, you need ropes on the tree and all the rest of it to keep it from
33:53breaking the fence in the house when it falls, because you let it grow so large.
33:59And God don't want you to tear up your house and your fence and all the rest.
34:03He wants you to deal with things while they are small.
34:10One of the main problems we need to face is really avoiding the life you need to have.
34:19The only way to have the life God wants for you is to deal with some issues boldly.
34:26Now I do want a few caveats here.
34:28Don't go into your house like a cow or whatever in the China store.
34:33Use wisdom and consideration and grace, and sometimes though you got to be firm, but deal
34:39with your issues.
34:40A lot of people, well, you know, this wouldn't happen if that external thing wouldn't happen.
34:45No, that thing was already there.
34:47The external thing just made it surface.
34:50And I would rather deal with things before external things come to make me have to.
34:56Do you understand what I'm saying?
34:59Then David put his hand in his bag, and all I've been doing for two weeks now is filling
35:05your bag.
35:07You have seven stones.
35:09You have things that can affect and impact your life.
35:12Then David put his hand in his bag, and the problem is some people don't have any tools
35:16in their toolbox.
35:17They don't have any skills to reach down for to address situations.
35:21So I'm not just trying to preach you happy, I'm trying to preach you wise.
35:27And he took a stone, meaning it may not be all seven stones you even need.
35:36It might just be one.
35:40And he slung it.
35:42He didn't just hear it, touch it, feel it, imagine what he could do.
35:47He used it.
35:49These principles today that I said, then we reviewed and went over, don't just hear them.
35:55Don't even pick all seven, just pick one.
35:57And say, I'm going to apply it graciously, but I'm going to apply it firmly in my life.
36:05I'm going to have a conversation with that child.
36:09You know, and it doesn't necessarily mean, you know, come downstairs right now.
36:12Sit at this table.
36:13I'm going to talk to you.
36:14It doesn't necessarily mean that.
36:17I know with my sons, they're both different, and I have to approach them, particularly
36:21as they're older, I really have to approach them differently, because they're wired differently.
36:25DJ, I would talk to most of the times on the way to his basketball practices.
36:32And DJ just liked to run shotgun too, so it was a little easier.
36:36David was, he liked to build stuff, so whenever I went to Home Depot or Lowe's or something,
36:40I'd put him in the car.
36:41But what I would do is really strategic.
36:44On the way, you know, we might listen to a little music for a second.
36:47We bob our heads, but then we turn the music off, and he's stuck with me until we get to
36:52where we go.
36:55So he has to talk with me, and then we'll have a conversation.
37:01And you do this over and over again.
37:02Just have some moments where you're kind of stuck together.
37:06Now they're grown now, so I can say these types of things.
37:08I couldn't have preached this message 10 years ago, because then they would have avoided
37:11all these things.
37:12Oh, but now your kids are here.
37:14Oops.
37:15But anyway, they'll love you for it.
37:19Be strategic, and wait for that teachable moment.
37:24And sometimes in those conversations, it wasn't that I had a long speech, it's I might just
37:28have a question, but then they'll have a million questions.
37:31And then as I answer their question, it goes into another question.
37:34Then suddenly we're at Lowe's, and then we come, you know, walking down the aisles trying
37:38to find what we find, but then we're stuck in the car going back.
37:41And we could pick up on that conversation, but you see, I had to make the investment.
37:45I had to be intentional.
37:46I had to be strategic about conversations with my children.
37:52Thank God for the TV set, but the TV set makes it so we don't have to talk.
37:58I've heard it said that going to the movies is the first worst date, because you don't
38:03have to communicate.
38:04Well, at least go out to dinner, then the movies so you can do some talking.
38:10And maybe you don't have a whole lot to say on the first date, but hear what I'm saying.
38:14We let people live.
38:15We watch people live their lives and watch people talk instead of us talk, instead of
38:19us communicate, instead of us engage.
38:25That's why even that first time that's part of the year we start turning off the TV set.
38:29You're like, what type of church is that?
38:31Well, you're forced to talk.
38:34You actually have to look at each other and have conversations, and you're not distracted
38:38by- I don't even know what's on TV.
38:40They use the name and stuff on there, but you're not distracted, and we need some time
38:46to make time, really, just to have some dialogue and conversations with one another.
38:55And David took the stones.
38:57He went into his toolbox, grabbed some tools.
39:00The goal of this series was to give you some tools to make you stop avoiding stuff so you
39:04can graciously address stuff.
39:06And he popped the Philistine in the forehead.
39:09Use these tools and you will knock the devil down.
39:11You will knock the devil out.
39:14You will.
39:17So that one stone sank into his forehead, and the giant fell on his face to the earth.
39:25So again, don't just hear me today.
39:27Don't just think about me today.
39:28Think about what I said today.
39:30Do it.
39:32The only thing I ask as I wrap up is just as David ran toward his giant, make sure you
39:47run home to the biggest being that has ever been, and you touch base with your Father
39:54in Heaven before you try to address your children at home.
40:02Thank you so much for visiting our YouTube channel.
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40:28I hope to see you back here again.
40:30God bless you.