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00:00How many of you, you know, as smart as you are, you have some moments where your emotions
00:03kind of get in the way and you're not seeing as clearly as you like.
00:08You know, when we're angry, we make decisions often in proportion to our pain and not the
00:12merits.
00:13So, you know, looking at the merits, you know, you'd respond a certain way.
00:17But feeling the pain, you often respond differently.
00:20And this is the reason why we pause for godly counsel before any major decision in our lives.
00:26Just take a minute, slow down, sleep on it, get some input from others that have been
00:31there, got the t-shirt, and then move forward.
00:43So we are in the third part of our summer series, Lessons from David.
00:48And we're talking about Lessons from David as it relates to parenting.
00:53We're going to begin in 2 Samuel, chapter 14.
00:56So, Joab, the son of Zariah, perceived that the king's heart was concerned.
01:03Now by this time, if you've been paying attention the last couple weeks, David's life had become
01:07a literal soap opera.
01:09His son Amnon raped his sister Tamar.
01:13Then Absalom killed his brother Amnon for what he did.
01:17And then David responded by sending Absalom into exile.
01:22So David's family was a complete mess at this time.
01:26And his relationship with his sons, particularly Absalom, was in gridlock.
01:31But underneath all that was going on, David still cared.
01:36You know, your parents may not be perfect, but they still love you more than most anyone
01:40else.
01:41And Absalom was still David's child.
01:45Let's get to verse 21.
01:48When the king said to Joab, so what had happened between the first verse and the next 21 verses
01:55is that David's leading general intervened, and he had a wise woman visit the palace.
02:04And she came into the king's court and told him a parable to help David see things more
02:09clearly.
02:10And we all need people in our lives that can help us get things back into perspective.
02:15At the time, you know, as smart as you are, you have some moments where your emotions
02:18kind of get in the way, and you're not seeing as clearly as you like.
02:23You know, when we're angry, we make decisions often in proportion to our pain and not the
02:29merits.
02:30So, you know, looking at the merits, you know, you'd respond a certain way.
02:35But feeling the pain, you often respond differently.
02:38And this is the reason why we pause for godly counsel before any major decision in our lives.
02:45Take a minute, slow down, sleep on it, get some input from others that have been there,
02:51got the t-shirt, and then move forward.
02:54So, the king said to Joab, alright, I have granted this thing.
02:59Go therefore and bring back the young man Absalom.
03:04Now David was hesitant to bring Absalom back into the kingdom.
03:10He was torn between correcting a mistake that he had made as a dad, and maintaining
03:18his authority in his kingdom.
03:20You know, leadership can be quite complicated.
03:25As a dad, David needed to discipline his son.
03:29But as a king, you've probably heard the saying that you've got to keep your friends close
03:35and your enemies closer.
03:37So, knowing what was going on in the heart of his son, and this is why Joab brought it
03:42up.
03:43Joab was his leading general, because Joab knew what could happen with Absalom over there
03:49in Geshar.
03:50That it's very possible that he could start planning a coup and show up in the nation
03:55with an army.
03:57And so, David's dealing with all this stuff, and heavy is the head that wears the crown.
04:01So, verse 23, so Joab arose and went to Geshar, where Absalom was, and brought Absalom back
04:09to Jerusalem.
04:10And the king said, let him return to his own house, but do not let him see my face.
04:18Now David had always been, as we're reading through, David's problem was that he was an
04:24overindulgent father.
04:27And the last time we were together, we talked about where that might have come from based
04:31on his experience with his dad, Jethro.
04:34But what David does here is what we often do.
04:38We see ourselves making a mistake on this side, we swing all the way to the other side.
04:42So, he went from being overindulgent to overcompensating by becoming too severe.
04:48And this is why you can't just listen to one of my messages.
04:51That's why you can't just listen to one Bible verse.
04:54You got to take all the Bible in its context, because some scriptures balance out other
04:59scriptures.
05:01So, let me tell you what I'm saying.
05:02Remember how the devil tempted Jesus?
05:05He said, you know, isn't it written that if you jump off this thing, you know, the angels
05:08will catch you by your hand?
05:10So, he took a scripture, but he took it out of context, and he took it out of, you know,
05:15what the rest of the Bible was saying.
05:16But Jesus gave the balance, you know.
05:18No, the word says that I will obey the Lord thy God in his word alone.
05:23So, Jesus responded with scripture.
05:27So, it's vital that we...
05:30That's why we go through this thing, you know, line by line every week.
05:32So, you have a full arsenal.
05:34You have a bunch of tools in your toolbox.
05:36When the adversary comes to stretch one scripture out of its proper proportion, you have all
05:42the rest of the scriptures to stretch it back into place.
05:45So, he returned to his house, and so David is, again, he's trying to balance this thing.
05:53He was overindulgent, but now he's too severe.
05:56You know, balance can be a very, very difficult thing, but you'll never be stable without
06:00it.
06:01It's vital that we learn balance.
06:04So, Absalom returned to his own house, but did not see the king's face.
06:11So, Absalom remained the legal son of David, but he had no fellowship with his father.
06:22Many of us are in a similar situation with God.
06:25We're God's child, but we can't remember the last time we had an encounter with him.
06:30The last time we really heard his voice.
06:32The last time we were in his presence.
06:38Now in all Israel, there was no one who was praised as much as Absalom for his good looks.
06:47First Samuel 16 and 12 says that David was also handsome, so you know, it's like father
06:53like son here.
06:55But it goes on and says that this guy was exceptional.
06:58From the sole of his foot to the crown of his head, there was no blemish in him.
07:06So, in some respects, he may have been like his daddy physically, but when it came to
07:12the heart, these two men were miles apart.
07:17You remember in the Bible when King Saul wrongly accused David of trying to steal the kingdom
07:23and got jealous, and he attacked David, tried to kill him with the spear, and just started
07:28doing a whole bunch of bad stuff, and David went on the run, and that's how he bumped
07:32into the mighty man and all that other stuff.
07:35And in that season, David had two opportunities to kill Saul and to take revenge.
07:43But both times, he said, I will not touch the Lord's anointed, and he refused.
07:51But on the other hand, when it came to Absalom, his son, when his son was wrong, all he could
07:58do was think about revenge.
08:02Day and night, he worked on opportunities to get revenge.
08:08So we see David one way, and we see that Absalom was another way.
08:14You see, parents, everything your child does is not necessarily your fault.
08:20They get to make choices in life, too.
08:24And Absalom, even though he had the example of David, went in a different direction.
08:33So with that said, parents, again, give yourself a little bit of slack.
08:38Your kids are making choices, and you can't own them all.
08:44And when he cut the hair of his head at the end of the year, he would cut it because it
08:49was very heavy on him.
08:52And in that culture at that time, hair represented a person's vitality, a person's strength.
08:58So on the surface, Absalom was a very impressive young man, a very powerful-looking young man.
09:05And he knew this.
09:07And when he cut his hair, he'd actually weigh his hair because he was kind of proud of it.
09:13And he found that it weighed 200 shekels according to the king's standards.
09:18So this was about five pounds of hair.
09:21So this was a little hard to figure out, because I had to start researching how much a wig
09:25weighs, and then how much a longer wig weighs, and it took me a little bit of time.
09:31But I eventually found out—thank God for Google—that five pounds of hair is about
09:42five feet long.
09:44So this man, his hair—now back in that time, men were typically about five foot tall.
09:49Some might be five-five or whatever.
09:53So the hair, you know, might have came down to his calves or his ankles.
09:59So this was a male Rapunzel, you know.
10:01This is who this guy was.
10:07But when the Bible describes David, it says David was a man after God's own heart.
10:16But when it described Absalom, all the Bible could do was talk about his looks and his
10:24hair.
10:25You see, he was all hair and no heart.
10:30Cute, but no character.
10:34He had a sparkle, but no substance.
10:38The talents we are born with are God's gifts, but our character is our choice.
10:50And Absalom had been making some bad choices.
10:54Verse 28, and Absalom dwelt two full years in Jerusalem, just like with his brother,
11:01where he didn't, you know, look at him good or bad, or say anything good or bad.
11:06Then he finally killed him.
11:08Now he's about to do it again, but in a different way with his dad.
11:12And Absalom dwelt two full years in Jerusalem, but he did not see the king's face.
11:20So David's belated attempt to discipline his son failed.
11:26And this is important.
11:27If we don't guide our children when they're young, it's really hard to get that opportunity
11:33back.
11:34Please don't misunderstand me and get too down about this, because when they're growing,
11:41there are things you can do, things you can say, but mostly all we can do is pray.
11:46But still, thank God for that, because James 5 and 16 says, the prayers of a righteous
11:50man are still powerful and effective.
11:54Prayer can change things.
11:57But I tell you, when they're younger, it's just a lot easier than when they grow old.
12:03Therefore, Absalom sent for Joab to send for the king, but he would not come to him.
12:11Joab wouldn't come to Absalom, and Absalom was used to getting his way.
12:16He was a spoiled boy.
12:18And when he had sent again the second time, he still wouldn't come.
12:24So he said to his servant, see, Joab's field is near mine, and he has barley there.
12:32Go and set it on fire.
12:37Absalom was a troubled child, and Absalom's servant did exactly what he said, and set
12:43it on fire.
12:46So when Absalom could not get positive attention, he was willing to settle for negative attention.
12:53You see, most of the dumb stuff we do in life is a cry for help, but the worst crying is
13:02the crying we can't stop.
13:04And Absalom's bitterness has gotten so large and so big on the inside, he couldn't stop
13:10doing treacherous things.
13:15Verse 33, and Joab, after, you know, Absalom burned down his field, and Joab didn't take
13:22Madison to his own hand and go smack him upside the head, and he was a general and could've
13:26done that.
13:27But he went to the king and told him, he said, listen, Dave, your boy is acting out.
13:32And when he called for Absalom, the king called and said, okay, I'm going to handle this.
13:37Absalom came to the king, bowed down on his face to the ground before the king.
13:40And you know, in Miriam's culture, you still do that before your parents and the rest,
13:46and this part of the world.
13:48You know, they bowed down certainly before the king, and this was just common.
13:52This is what they did.
13:54Then the king kissed Absalom, but I want you to remember that Absalom was an expert
14:00at hiding his true feelings.
14:03Again, he went two years without saying anything either good or bad before he killed Amnon.
14:10And what we see here is he bowed in body, but bitterness was still boiling in his soul.
14:19And we can draw near to God with our lips, but our heart be far from Him.
14:25We can have the right songs in our mouths, and the right gestures with our hands, but
14:31still be very far away from the king.
14:36I want to jump to the New Testament, and I always try to give you a little background
14:40before I get to the verse, but I'm not going to be able to do that today.
14:43You can read this when you get home on your own, but we're just going to cut to the chase
14:46in Hebrews chapter 12 and verse 15.
14:50The first word used there is episkopos, looking, looking, looking, looking.
14:56An episkopos is where we get the word bishop.
15:01You may not be a bishop of a church, but according to the writer of Hebrews, the Holy Writ, each
15:09of us are responsible to do what a bishop does, oversee, watch, correct, guide, direct,
15:17and again be the bishop of our own souls.
15:21So according to Scripture, you alone are responsible.
15:29Not the person who did X, Y, and Z to you, not the circumstances in your life, but you
15:37are responsible to oversee, to watch, correct, guide, direct, and bishop what you let grow
15:47in your heart and your mind.
15:51You are the gardener of your condition.
15:57Looking carefully, meaning we must bishop vigilantly.
16:05When we spot seeds of anger and resentment or weeds of anger and resentment growing up
16:12in us, we've got to pull them quickly.
16:14As soon as you spot them, you've got to face them.
16:22You know, we were in a season of a lot of stuff going on at Grace, but I called the
16:27leaders together.
16:28I said, listen, leaders, you guys are going to have to keep short accounts with each other
16:33because stuff's going to happen.
16:34People are going to say stuff.
16:35And the only way you're going to get through this season is if you deal with it quickly
16:40and promptly.
16:41And thank God we got through that season, because everyone listened.
16:47It says looking carefully, meaning this is not- some people, they don't see stuff unless
16:52they have to.
16:53You know, only when they have to, and often it's too late, will they see it.
16:56But he's saying, no, you look for stuff.
16:59Think carefully lest anyone.
17:06What he's about to describe next can happen to anyone.
17:11Now he was writing to the church, the Hebrew church.
17:14These were Jewish folks that had given their faith, given their hearts to Jesus.
17:19And he was saying, I don't care what your title is, how long you've been saved, lest
17:24anyone, it can happen to anyone, fall short of the grace of God.
17:31How do you fall short of the grace of God?
17:34That's when we receive God's grace for ourselves, but we don't extend that same grace to others.
17:42We fall short of the grace in that moment when someone does something bad, and God quickens
17:48in your heart, let it go, release.
17:51He gives you grace to do that.
17:54But we choose to hold on.
17:56We choose to rehearse.
17:57We choose to get other folks in agreement, you hear what I'm saying?
18:01And we hold on to it, and we fall short of the grace of God.
18:11And then he says lest again, lest any.
18:18Now this any here is letting us know, actually it's any root of bitterness, but it lets us
18:25know that bitterness comes in different forms.
18:30Anger on me looks different than anger on my wife.
18:34When I'm angry, you know it.
18:35And my wife, not so much, lest you know her well.
18:41It just gets cold.
18:45Too much information?
18:49Okay.
18:52So for some of us, our bitterness and our anger might show up as physical aggression.
19:02And that's the type of bitterness that we end up in jail over, the type of bitterness
19:05that everyone can spot and see.
19:09But there's other forms of aggression.
19:11There's mental aggression, emotional aggression, verbal aggression.
19:15Still others, passive aggression.
19:17But no matter how you express it, it's still bitter aggression.
19:24And some of us, culturally you don't hit nobody, but you'll beat somebody so bad with the tongue
19:30they wish you would've hit them instead.
19:32You see, God sees all, and He judges fairly.
19:37And even though you don't end up in a jail, you know, over there in Manassas, you can
19:44end up in a spiritual prison with the devil as your tormentor because you're operating
19:51in bitterness.
19:57Let me see if I can say this differently.
20:00Because any root of what?
20:02Bitterness.
20:04You know a bitter root by its sour fruit.
20:09You see, it's easy to spot those who are aggressive like a gorilla.
20:14I am a little bit, see, it's kind of, I don't even know who I am now.
20:18When I was younger, I was one way.
20:19Now I'm a little bit older.
20:20I got a lot better.
20:22But in my younger days, my anger, I was more like a gorilla.
20:28And my aggression would come, and you could see it.
20:31I wouldn't necessarily throw stuff I'd want to, but I'd beat on my chest, and I was aggressive
20:38like a gorilla.
20:39But easy to spot.
20:40You'd say, oh, oh, oh, he needs to grow, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but that's true.
20:48And also, I'm from New York, so I get loud like that, like that, like that.
20:51Yeah.
20:52Some hearing men are saying she's from Nigeria, so that's why she gave me a whole bunch of
20:56amen.
20:57But you see, others aren't aggressive like me.
21:00You know, I'm easy to spot.
21:02They're aggressive like a skunk.
21:05They use their tongue and spurt invective to make you stink, and they reduce you, and
21:11they squirt stuff on you, and you feel dirty after leaving.
21:15And no one even saw it.
21:16They just smell it on you because of what, you know, it's kind of, it's almost a passive-aggressive
21:21type of thing.
21:22But some of the gorillas, but others of us are skunks.
21:26Others of us are aggressive like the owl.
21:29The owl uses their superior intellect and vocabulary to make you feel small, but it's
21:37still aggression.
21:39It's still bitterness.
21:42And just because the police has not lately come to your home doesn't mean you're still
21:52not bitter.
21:54It's just sometimes you just learn how to manifest it a little more sophisticated.
21:58In fact, I find in America, you know, we have, you know, in other countries people got obvious
22:05demons.
22:06We got sophisticated demons.
22:07I mean, they're deep down, way down underneath, and you got to, you know, kind of spy them
22:13out to get them to—okay, let me move on.
22:18But the point is we all have our ways, and just because culturally you can get away with
22:27it doesn't mean it's right.
22:35Lest any, again meaning there's various and sundry forms of bitterness.
22:41Lest any root of bitterness springing up, the word picture there in the original language
22:47is a little plant just starting to sprout.
22:50And that's why you got to look carefully.
22:53You got to be vigilant.
22:54As soon as you see it little, you got to deal with it.
22:57If you don't address the bitterness when it's small, it's just going to grow big and tall.
23:02Now I learned even, you know, if you want to stay married, you want to at least deal
23:05with it when it's small.
23:08Deal with the issue when it's small.
23:10But then he goes on and says some more, and this was written to Christians.
23:17And there were Christians in this church that were deeply troubled, and they didn't understand
23:22why they were so emotionally troubled.
23:27He says, lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble.
23:36Our greatest trouble is not what happens in our lives, but what we let happen in our hearts.
23:45The writer of Proverbs says, above all things guard your heart, for out of it comes the
23:49virtues of life.
23:52And I'm learning in my older age, if I would keep my heart sweet and leave the rest to
23:59God, I have done my job.
24:02But that's the fight.
24:03The fight is not about, you know, casting out demons or making them stop.
24:08It's about the real battle is keeping your heart pleasant, keeping your heart merciful,
24:13forgiving, kind, and tender.
24:17That's the real battle in our lives.
24:22And then he goes on, and by this many, not just a few Christians, but many.
24:33Some say that means most.
24:35I haven't found that to be true, but it's a whole lot.
24:41But many are sidelined from fulfilling their destiny, not because of a demon.
24:50Not necessarily because of what happened, but because of the bitterness they let rise
24:56in their heart like Absalom.
25:01Please hear me correctly.
25:03What Amnon did, he probably should have been stoned in those days.
25:09It was horrible.
25:10It was unthinkable.
25:12It was wicked.
25:13It was evil.
25:17But just because what Amnon did was so dark did not give Absalom the excuse to also let
25:26darkness grow in his heart.
25:30One of the greatest quotes I've heard from Gandhi is if we live in a world that keeps,
25:40you know, going eye for an eye, we'll eventually live in a blind world.
25:48Because everybody's going to do something at some point.
25:53And if the authorities don't fix it, David didn't fix it.
25:57Some things you've got to let go and just leave to God.
26:04But Absalom was not willing to take that step.
26:09He wanted to deal with the situation in his own strength.
26:13This was years ago, and I was in my 20s.
26:17And I still got a little bit of crazy in me, but I had a lot more crazy in me at that period
26:23in my life.
26:26And somebody did something to my sister, and she told me.
26:34I was in D.C., and I called the person, and I was very clear about what was about to happen.
26:52And you know, I'll take it for a minute, but I'm the type of guy that once I make a
27:03decision it becomes a thing.
27:10So there's a few things that led up to it, but I made a decision.
27:16I called him, and he understood.
27:24But as soon as I got off the phone, the Lord spoke to me.
27:30He probably should have said he has a gun, too, but that's not what the Lord said.
27:40He quoted a scripture that kind of said the same thing.
27:45He who lives by the sword will die by the sword.
27:51And Derek, if you're going to spend the rest of your life trying to take matters in your
27:55own hand, you might as well get ready for prison ministry up in Raleway where you're
28:00not visiting.
28:01You hear what I'm saying?
28:02Because the Lord might as well remind me the dude
28:10was six inches tall to me, too, but the Lord was kind.
28:24Thank you so much for visiting our YouTube channel.
28:27My hope is that you found something in today's message that has blessed you.
28:31If you've been touched, if you've been inspired by what you've heard, and you want to help
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28:50I hope to see you back here again.
28:52God bless you.
29:05.