First broadcast 10th January 2014.
Jimmy Carr
Sean Lock
Jon Richardson
Rachel Riley
Susie Dent
Joe Wilkinson
John Pohlhammer
Miles Jupp
Aisling Bea
Nick Helm
Jimmy Carr
Sean Lock
Jon Richardson
Rachel Riley
Susie Dent
Joe Wilkinson
John Pohlhammer
Miles Jupp
Aisling Bea
Nick Helm
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:30Tonight, on 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown,
00:34Jon Richardson, Sean Locke,
00:38Miles Jupp, Aisling B,
00:42Nick Helm, Susie Dent, and Rachel Riley.
00:46Now, welcome your host, Jimmy Carr!
00:52APPLAUSE
00:56Hello, and welcome to 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown.
00:59A show all about letters, numbers and conundrums.
01:02Did you know, for example, the average Brit knows about 50,000 words,
01:06but for some reason they can't remember any of them whilst playing along with Countdown.
01:10LAUGHTER
01:12Americans call mathematics math, arguing that mathematics functions as a singular noun,
01:16so math should be singular too.
01:18But then again, they also call bums fanny, so what do they know?
01:21LAUGHTER
01:23And the world record for the most swear words in a television programme
01:26is 201 in a half hour,
01:28and that's the last time Sean's getting invited on Loose Women.
01:31LAUGHTER
01:33Right, let's get started.
01:35APPLAUSE
01:42OK, let's meet tonight's players. First up, it's Jon Richardson.
01:45CHEERING
01:50Jon describes himself as a double-door checker.
01:52As he's paranoid his front door isn't locked.
01:55Don't worry, Jon, pretty sure it's locked.
01:57You definitely locked it, right?
01:59LAUGHTER
02:01Don't start, because I wasn't the last one out today.
02:03LAUGHTER
02:05I'm sure it'll be fine. Can you smell gas?
02:07LAUGHTER
02:09Did you lock the door, though?
02:11Well, no, I didn't, cos she's still in and she's told me to stop locking the door when she's in.
02:15LAUGHTER
02:17Have you genuinely locked people in the house?
02:19If she's asleep, I'll double-lock the door.
02:21LAUGHTER
02:23If Jon's switched off the stairlift, there's no way she can come down anyway.
02:27LAUGHTER
02:29APPLAUSE
02:35And joining Jon tonight, it's Aisling Bea.
02:37CHEERING
02:41Wonderful to have Aisling Bea with us tonight.
02:43Usually when Channel 4 feature a young Irish woman,
02:45she's wearing a dress like a Christmas tree and marrying a scrap metal dealer.
02:49LAUGHTER
02:51Joining Jon this evening, it's Sean Lock.
02:53CHEERING
02:58Sean's the kind of guy you'd want on your side in a fight,
03:00particularly if that fight was with Jon Richardson.
03:02LAUGHTER
03:04And Sean's team-mate this evening, it's Miles Jupp.
03:06CHEERING
03:11Miles studied divinity at Edinburgh University, where he got an A.
03:14Men.
03:16LAUGHTER
03:21Last time you were on, Miles, you were, frankly, appalling.
03:24You were terrible at this game. Have you been practising?
03:26Oh, yeah, yeah. I was very scolded by what happened last time,
03:29and I went away and I thought to myself,
03:31you know, I can either focus on paying the mortgage
03:34and enabling my children to eat,
03:36or I could get really shit-hot at a load of letters and numbers games
03:40that have no practical use in the real world.
03:42There was no... It was not a difficult decision.
03:45LAUGHTER
03:47Are you saying you've got better or not?
03:50Let's not reveal that yet.
03:52OK. And how does it feel to be back? Are you happy to be back?
03:55Oh, I mean, what a buzz already. Yeah.
03:57LAUGHTER
03:59How do you feel about having Miles on your team, Sean?
04:01It's great. I mean, it's great to be back with one of life's winners.
04:05LAUGHTER
04:07Have you got a game plan?
04:09Yeah. My game plan tonight is, you know,
04:12yeah, puzzles, quizzes and all that,
04:14but the most important thing
04:16is to bring a little ray of sunshine
04:18into somebody's miserable, lonely life.
04:21LAUGHTER
04:23Doesn't matter how ill you are, how sad you are, how lonely you feel,
04:26if I can bring a little momentary light,
04:29a flicker of happiness into your dismal,
04:32endless misery...
04:35If you want to cheer someone miserable up, just let John win.
04:38LAUGHTER
04:40APPLAUSE
04:43Ashlyn, did I have Countdown in Ireland?
04:45Yes. I've actually never watched Countdown before.
04:48Because I'm not a nerd! No, but I...
04:50LAUGHTER
04:52I think I might be brilliant at it,
04:54and I think with John, I'm on the same team.
04:56I think we're with a really good chance of winning on this team.
04:59Doesn't sound like we're on the same team with all your nerd chat.
05:02LAUGHTER
05:04I'm very excited to be on John's team. I think it's going to go really well.
05:07There's no I in genius.
05:09LAUGHTER
05:11LAUGHTER
05:15Miles, Sean, have you got mascots?
05:17Oh, yes. What have you got?
05:19Yeah, I've got... This is actually... It's been in the family for years.
05:22This is a, um...
05:24LAUGHTER
05:30This, um...
05:34I've had it since I was very young. My, um...
05:38My... My grandad gave me this.
05:42He was given it himself by a sort of wise woman in a souk in Northern Africa.
05:48And he says this... I don't know who this cheeky chap is,
05:51but it'll always bring you luck.
05:53I put this on my desk when I did my GCSEs.
05:56LAUGHTER
05:58It was there for all of them.
06:00About five general anaesthetics.
06:02Just always. It just means...
06:04Birth of your children.
06:06It looks like the portal they'll put on Sean's coffin when he dies.
06:12Sean, do you have a mascot?
06:14I don't have a mascot. Instead, I've gone for a coping mechanism.
06:17LAUGHTER
06:19I'm fine when I lose, which I will lose.
06:21There's ways of dealing with it. You can get upset.
06:23You can go, oh, no, goodness.
06:25Or you can just blow your troubles away.
06:28LAUGHTER
06:31And a few bubbles can make you put a lot of things into perspective.
06:37LAUGHTER
06:39Bollocking arses!
06:42Oh, there we go.
06:44And that I find quite soothing.
06:47Sean, do you have a mascot?
06:49I've caught two of his bubbles.
06:51You caught two of his bubbles? Oh!
06:53LAUGHTER
06:57It died.
06:59Why does everything I touch die?
07:01LAUGHTER
07:04Oh, it bounced!
07:06OK, that was the real me for a minute there.
07:08LAUGHTER
07:10Sean, what have you got mascot-wise?
07:12I've gone a different way this week.
07:14To incentivise myself to victory,
07:16I've actually been sponsored this week by my local curry house,
07:19Nando's.
07:21LAUGHTER
07:25The sad story of Nando's is that they were there before Nando's,
07:29and Nando's actually set up next door,
07:31and it was Nando's that caught on.
07:33So I feel a bit sorry for the guys at Nando's.
07:36LAUGHTER
07:38Nando's sounds great.
07:40If I get any points from curry-related words,
07:42they'll give me a free curry this evening.
07:44Well, best of luck with that.
07:46Aisling, have you got a mascot?
07:48Yes, I have brought a picture of my mammy.
07:51LAUGHTER
07:53With me as a baby. My mother loves language and English,
07:56and she especially loves punctuation.
07:58She'll kind of throw it in anywhere, like she's mad for an inverted comma.
08:01So as you see here, it's myself and my mother, Irish, both wearing green,
08:04and on the back she has,
08:06Aisling and Helen, we were always proud to be Irish
08:10and loved wearing green.
08:12LAUGHTER
08:14She does it on my birthday card.
08:16She writes things like, happy birthday to my wonderful daughter.
08:19LAUGHTER
08:21What do you mean, Mother?
08:23LAUGHTER
08:25Did your mum used to be a jockey?
08:27She did used to be a jockey, yes.
08:29That's not a euphemism, that's like a real question.
08:31LAUGHTER
08:32Yeah, I was just the result of a ride that went too far.
08:35LAUGHTER
08:37APPLAUSE
08:42OK, over in Dictionary Corner, we've got Nick Helm.
08:45CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
08:50Nick is the thinking woman's comedian.
08:52If the woman in question is thinking,
08:55LAUGHTER
09:00How does it feel to be back, sitting next to Susie?
09:03I don't know, Susie.
09:05How does it feel having me back?
09:07It's all cool now, don't worry, it's fine, I'm fine, I'm over it.
09:10Oh, good. Are you? Yeah. Yeah.
09:12Well, if you're all right with it, that's fine then.
09:14LAUGHTER
09:16Have you learned any new words, Nick, since you were last on the show?
09:20Yes, I've learned a new word, it's a lovely word,
09:23repudiation.
09:25Repudiation.
09:26Everyone, repudiation.
09:28It's nice, isn't it? It's nice.
09:30It makes me feel good, I'm sure it makes you feel good.
09:33It's another word for rejection.
09:35LAUGHTER
09:37APPLAUSE
09:44And with Nick, it's a lovely Susie Dent.
09:47CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
09:54LAUGHTER
09:59Susie, you wrote a book about the origins of some English words,
10:02do you have any favourites?
10:04Oh, I did some great research in Scotland about a man called Andrew Carr.
10:08He was left-handed, and so he built this castle that was designed
10:11for left-handed soldiers, so they would surprise the enemy.
10:14And so there are 150 terms for being left-handed in this small area
10:18in Scotland, and one of them is car-fisted.
10:21LAUGHTER
10:23There are lots of variations.
10:25So, what, a castle just for left-handed soldiers?
10:27Yes.
10:28That surely was a euphemism, wasn't it, back in the day?
10:30This is just for the left-handed boys.
10:32LAUGHTER
10:34OK, and in charge of the numbers, it's Rachel Riley.
10:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
10:43Rachel was really brainy at school.
10:45She got more As than a scouser trying to break up a fight.
10:48Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
10:51Rachel, you're a big Manchester United fan.
10:53What's more tense and exciting,
10:55watching Man U play or watching these guys play Countdown?
10:58There's just no comparison.
11:00LAUGHTER
11:02This is more like, I used to play Sunday League football,
11:04and sometimes they had a beer at half-time.
11:06This kind of feels more like that.
11:08Sorry.
11:09You used to play Sunday League football... Yeah.
11:11..and used to have a pint at half-time?
11:13We didn't do very well.
11:16I've never really been interested in going to see the football before, but...
11:19Yeah, it wasn't as...
11:21If you're interested in getting into football,
11:23you should go and watch Man United this year.
11:25It's really funny, they're shit.
11:27CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
11:33OK, tonight, the prize the teams will be competing for is this,
11:37the Countdown commemorative plate.
11:42It's a beautiful, beautiful thing.
11:45Can you put it in the dishwasher?
11:49That is dishwasher safe.
11:53OK, everyone, let's Countdown. Time for our first game.
11:55Sean and Miles, you get the first pick of the letters.
11:57OK. Vowel.
11:59E
12:01Vowel.
12:02O
12:03Vowel.
12:05A
12:08Vowel.
12:10O
12:11Consonant.
12:13H
12:15Consonant.
12:17G
12:18Consonant, please.
12:20D
12:22If you may be so kind,
12:24I would like a consonant.
12:27T
12:29And just for luck,
12:31I'll have a consonant.
12:34P
12:35OK, for the first time today, here's the Countdown clock.
12:44LAUGHTER
13:09APPLAUSE
13:11That's what you get.
13:22What have you got?
13:24I got five.
13:26What have you got, Jon?
13:27I have a six.
13:29OK. Miles?
13:31A seven.
13:33A six and a seven. Sean, what have you got?
13:35I've got a seven.
13:38No, I've got an eight.
13:42Well, the numbers round is not looking good.
13:45It is a seven, it is a seven.
13:48OK, well, it will all be revealed.
13:50OK, I've got a five.
13:52You've got a five. OK.
13:54What's your five, Ashley?
13:55Oh, er, paged.
13:56Jon, your six?
13:58When I go for a curry, Jimmy...
14:03Tell me more, Jon.
14:04Sometimes I pop down,
14:05now and then I have a curry, I don't know if I mentioned it.
14:07Some of the sauces are very thin
14:09and usually I would like to have spooned my curry onto the plate,
14:12but sometimes I come out and I've had to have gooped it.
14:18Gooped. Gooped, Susie.
14:20Appropriately, it's just there as a noun meaning a stupid person.
14:31Sean?
14:32Well, I had a five and then I spotted a six.
14:34Gated is my five, but of course you could have had goated.
14:38You've been goated.
14:40What's goated mean?
14:41To be goated. When you're goated, when you...
14:45In certain satanic rituals,
14:47there's a need to turn you into a goat,
14:49and then you go,
14:51we have goated him, we've turned him into a goat.
14:54Nick, is that true of satanic ritual?
14:57Yeah, that's true.
14:58Thanks, Nick.
15:02You're going to play it by the rules, are you, Susie?
15:04Going to play it by the rules?
15:06Are you?
15:07Going to check if it's right.
15:08It's boring.
15:09Why don't you...
15:11Why don't you just go, let's have a bit of fun, put goated in.
15:15Leave her alone!
15:22You can be a goat, obviously,
15:24you can be a lecherous man if you're a goat,
15:26but also you can be a stupid person.
15:29But you can't goat somebody.
15:31You can't be goated.
15:32No.
15:33What about if you're making love very vigorously,
15:35are you goated?
15:41Miles?
15:42My word, it was photoed.
15:45Ah, very good.
15:47That's brilliant.
15:48Photoed?
15:49Photoed, yeah.
15:50Doesn't sound right.
15:51It's sort of old-fashioned, isn't it?
15:52I was photoed.
15:53It's old-fashioned?
15:54Yeah.
15:55Amazing that Miles got that.
15:56Well done.
15:57So, seven points for Miles there.
16:06Nick, Susie, what could they have done?
16:09They could have had pothead.
16:13They missed it.
16:16Pothead.
16:20Pothead!
16:27On to our first numbers round.
16:29OK, John, Aisling, your turn to pick the numbers.
16:32What do you think?
16:33We pick two big ones, don't we?
16:34Two big ones.
16:35Two big ones.
16:36And four little ones.
16:37Two big ones.
16:38Two mains and four sides.
16:44All of these should be on the takeaway menu,
16:46if you want to count it.
16:47Excellent.
16:48Number ten.
16:49Garlic, no.
16:50Number six.
16:52Pilar rice.
16:53Number five.
16:54Aloo gilby.
16:55Number nine.
16:56Saag aloo.
16:57Number 50.
16:58Chicken korma.
16:59Lange Alfredi!
17:04Seven-twelve the target, your time starts now.
17:35Time's up. John, did you get it?
17:37I got 715.
17:40715, OK.
17:42Aisling, how did you do?
17:43679.
17:47Lovely having you here.
17:50Miles?
17:51711.
17:57Sean?
17:58715.
18:00Miles?
18:01711.
18:02How did you get it?
18:03Oh...
18:0650 plus 25 is 75, am I right?
18:1050 plus 25, yeah, 75.
18:12Yeah.
18:13So what I've done is I've times that by ten.
18:15For 750.
18:16750.
18:17And then I times five by six and that's 30.
18:20Yeah.
18:21I subtract that from 750 and then I take off the nine
18:24and that gives me 711.
18:26Yeah, very good, one away.
18:27So seven points to Miles.
18:33Rachel, could it have been done?
18:34No, this one's impossible, but one away is a good effort.
18:37Wait, no, so it's not always possible to get to the number at the top?
18:40No.
18:41Who's in there behind, just a man swinging them around?
18:44It's just a random number generator and they're just tiles,
18:47so some of them are impossible.
18:48I thought it was done by a computer.
18:50Yeah, that really looks like a computer.
18:52So at the end of that, John and Aisling have no points,
18:54Sean and Miles have 14.
18:59OK, time to get across to Dictionary Corner.
19:01Nick, what have you got for us?
19:03Well, I was going to just pick a poem out of my poetry book
19:06and then just read you a poem.
19:08That sounds good, OK.
19:09Just at random?
19:11Just randomly, just randomly.
19:14Oh, this one will do.
19:16Just randomly...
19:18Oh, this one will do.
19:23Everything was wonderful
19:25Everything was great
19:27Everything was perfect
19:29Then it turned to hate
19:34The clouds, they started forming
19:36Now she doesn't take my calls
19:38She pretends that nothing happened
19:40That she's better than it all
19:42Well, sorry I'm still breathing
19:44Excuse me for sitting here
19:46Didn't realise my presence
19:48Would cause you such a stir
19:50Am I just a piece of used meat
19:53Chewed up and spat out in the cold
19:55Sitting here beside me, judging?
20:07And that is a poem called
20:09Sitting next to the one that broke my heart on Countdown
20:15Very nice.
20:17And here's your teaser.
20:19The words are LIGHT SUCK
20:21and the clue is YOU'LL BE VERY FORTUNATE.
20:23That's LIGHT SUCK, YOU'LL BE VERY FORTUNATE.
20:26See you after the break.
20:30Welcome back.
20:31The answer to the teaser, the words were LIGHT SUCK
20:34and the clue was YOU'LL BE VERY FORTUNATE.
20:36It was, of course, LUCKIEST.
20:39So, Sean and Miles are in the lead.
20:41OK, for this round only, it's Sean against Aisling.
20:43Aisling, your turn to choose.
20:45Could I get a vowel, please?
20:47Of course.
20:48Rachel?
20:49E
20:50Could I get another vowel, please?
20:52A
20:53Can I get a consonant, please?
20:55R
20:56O
20:57O?
20:58Alright, looks like my luck's coming in.
21:02Now, can I get a...
21:04Can you have? You can't say get.
21:06Rachel's getting them.
21:10You can't get it, cos she's got them.
21:13Alright, Professor Riggins, I'm learning me English slowly but surely.
21:18May I please have a vowel, please, Rachel?
21:21You may.
21:22That's better.
21:24I
21:25And another consonant?
21:27If it's an N.
21:28D
21:30Could I get a T?
21:32O
21:39Another vowel, please?
21:41A
21:42And...
21:43A consonant. I can't get any more vowels, can I?
21:45You can have one more, I think.
21:46Can I have one more?
21:47Yeah, you can have one more and go crazy.
21:49No, do you know what? I'm going to stay sane and get two more consonants, please.
21:54S
21:55And...
21:56Z
21:58OK, your time starts now.
22:11BUZZER
22:30BUZZER
22:34OK, what have you got?
22:42Erm, I think I've got seven, you know.
22:45Mmm. Tom?
22:47What have you got?
22:49I've got six.
22:51What are six?
22:53Snared.
22:56Good.
22:58Ashley?
23:00Sandier.
23:01Susie, can she have Sandier?
23:03She definitely can. Brilliant work.
23:05Oh!
23:06Yes!
23:07Seven points to Ashley.
23:11Sometimes, after a really satisfying letters game, I like a small chocolate.
23:15Just a little square chocolate.
23:18Mmm.
23:19Looks delicious, John.
23:20You're welcome. Don't thank me, thank the guys at Nando's.
23:26I'm just going to have one more bit. I've got a really crusty bit. It's delicious.
23:31Oh, oh, oh.
23:33Do you know how I make a good apple pie? My Nando's.
23:41APPLAUSE
23:44Would that be any better?
23:48Sardine?
23:50Same, seven.
23:51OK. So, at the end of that, John and Ashley have seven, Sean and Miles have 14.
23:56APPLAUSE
24:01Right, time now for John and Miles to go head-to-head.
24:03Miles, your turn to pick the numbers.
24:05Would you mind awfully acquiring me a big number?
24:07And five little ones?
24:09Yeah, why not?
24:11Right, five small ones.
24:13Three, seven, ten, five and one, and the large one, 25.
24:20And the target, 190.
24:22OK, let's see if Rachel can do this. Your time starts now.
24:34Pressure's on, Rachel.
24:36Pressure is on.
24:37Pressure is on.
24:39Yes, it is.
24:57No.
25:00What have you got there? Is that a hot towel?
25:02Honestly, I couldn't manage another number.
25:04LAUGHTER
25:08What did you get there, John?
25:09190.
25:13Miles?
25:14I got 188.
25:16John, how did you do it?
25:1825 minus five minus one...
25:21Is 19.
25:22..times by ten.
25:23190.
25:24Ten points to John.
25:25OK, so Sean and Miles have 14, John and Ashley have 17.
25:29APPLAUSE
25:35Time to go across now to what looks like
25:37a slightly frosty dictionary corner.
25:39What have you got for us, Nick?
25:41You just don't get it, Susie.
25:46Let me spell it out to you
25:48Let me add it up
25:50Let me put it in your book
25:52So you can look it up
25:54I just dropped it up with up Susie
25:57We'll make a different word
25:59You can say it any way you like
26:01Any way you heard
26:04Susie, Susie, don't you see
26:06You belong with a man like me
26:08I write you fucking poetry
26:10Every single night
26:13The way your nimble fingers
26:15Skip right from A to Z
26:17You can spell it every way you want
26:19If you spell it in your head
26:21Oh, you can count on me
26:24You can count on me
26:26You can count every way you want
26:29In the dictionary
26:31You can count on me
26:33You can count on me
26:35You can spell it any way you choose
26:38Alphabetically
26:40You sometimes leave me speechless
26:42Can't even say a word
26:44Can't even say a consonant
26:47Can't even say a verb
26:49One and one makes two
26:51I'm in love with you
26:53Two and one makes three
26:56If you're in love with me
26:58You can count on me
27:00You can count on me
27:02You can spell it any way you want
27:05Alphabetically
27:07You can count on me
27:09You can count on me
27:11You can spell it any way you choose
27:14From A to Z
27:16A, I love you girl
27:18B, cause you rock my world
27:20C, cause you rock my world
27:22D, don't you know you rock my world
27:25E, et cetera
27:27X, xylophone
27:29Y, yeah xylophone
27:32Z, zebra
27:34You can count on me
27:36You can count on me
27:38You can spell it any way you choose
27:41In the dictionary
27:43Oh, you can count on me
27:45You can count on me
27:47You can spell it any way you choose
27:50You can count on me
27:57APPLAUSE
28:11Susie, do you think you'd be able to count on Nick?
28:15Consider me thawed.
28:17Aww.
28:23The scores at the moment, Sean and Miles are on 14,
28:25John and Aisling are on 17.
28:27And here is your teaser.
28:29The words are SAD MILES.
28:31And the clue is, I gave him the wrong impression.
28:33That's SAD MILES, I gave him the wrong impression.
28:35See you after the break.
28:37APPLAUSE
28:39Welcome back. The answer to the teaser, the words were SAD MILES.
28:42And the clue was, I gave him the wrong impression.
28:44It was, of course, MISS LEADS.
28:46OK, before we move on, it's time to welcome the man recently promoted
28:50to Countdown's official stuntman.
28:52It's Joe Wilkinson.
28:54APPLAUSE
29:06Yep, yep.
29:08New Countdown stuntman, so pretty, er...
29:10What the...?
29:12What was that?
29:18That wasn't planned, you mental case.
29:22Joe, why do we at Countdown need a stuntman?
29:27I don't have a go, Jimmy, but you've seen the show, not a lot happens.
29:33You just sit around, it's like an old people's home.
29:36So they've asked me to sort of, you know, jazz it up a little bit,
29:39give it a bit of razzmatazz.
29:41Yeah, I'll eat that later.
29:44So I've got some ideas for, you know, a bit of drama.
29:49Like, I thought...
29:51I thought I could, erm...
29:53Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
29:55Whoa, whoa, whoa!
29:56Whoa. Right, we're not doing that, then.
30:02Sword-swallowing.
30:05You just open your mouth, I'll just jam it down.
30:09No, fine, this is... What is the point?
30:12You could bang your head on a breeze box till you black out.
30:16It's like you want this show to fail, mate.
30:20I'm just saying those...
30:21If you're not going to do anything, all right, at the end of the show,
30:24rather than that, like, conundrum bollocks...
30:29..I've agreed to be shot out of a cannon.
30:33That's why.
30:34Have you got a cannon?
30:40I knew there was something.
30:42I knew there was something.
30:45Do it your way, fuck it.
30:49OK, Sean and Miles, your turn to choose the letters.
30:52Erm...
30:56Consonant, please.
31:01R.
31:05M.
31:07I.
31:10And a vowel, please.
31:13I.
31:15Consonant.
31:17T.
31:18Consonant.
31:20G.
31:22And a vowel.
31:24E.
31:29Consonant.
31:31P.
31:32Vowel.
31:34A.
31:35Vowel.
31:37Last one.
31:38I.
31:39Is that all of them?
31:40That's all of them.
31:41I better write them down.
31:42Your time starts now.
32:06APPLAUSE
32:09What have you got?
32:12Jon?
32:13Four.
32:14OK.
32:15Aisling?
32:16I also have a four.
32:18Miles?
32:19A five.
32:21Sean?
32:25Five.
32:26Jon?
32:27A five.
32:28Miles?
32:29A five.
32:31Jon?
32:33A five.
32:34Five.
32:37Five.
32:39OK, what's your four, Jon?
32:41Well, Jimmy, sometimes you go for a curry and a naan bread,
32:44it's just too much.
32:46And you think, I'll just have a roti.
32:50Just have a little roti.
32:51I mean, yes, we may lose the game, but that's another free curry!
32:56Your four, Aisling?
32:57I got a gate, as in G-A-I-T.
33:01Like your gate.
33:03Like your walk, yes.
33:04Sean, your five?
33:05Pager.
33:06OK, Miles?
33:07Er, tiger.
33:08Tiger.
33:10Five points to Sean and Miles.
33:12APPLAUSE
33:18Susie, Nick, could they have done any better?
33:20Erm, yeah, they could, couldn't they?
33:22They could.
33:23Yeah.
33:24Go for it.
33:25You go.
33:26No, you do it.
33:27No, you go.
33:28Honestly, you do it.
33:29Oh, you do it.
33:30You could have a potager, which is...
33:33A potager?
33:34A kitchen garden.
33:35Kitchen garden.
33:37OK, so at the end of that, Sean and Miles are in the lead with 19 points.
33:41APPLAUSE
33:47On to another numbers round.
33:49OK, Jon and Aisling, to pick the numbers.
33:51Erm, can I get you to get me...
33:53LAUGHTER
33:55..two big numbers again?
33:58Two big, Rachel.
33:59Four little ones.
34:00Yes, please.
34:01Are you going to help out with this one?
34:03Er, no, I might learn the harp.
34:05LAUGHTER
34:11Thanks, guys.
34:12I'm sorry if you put clothes on, but, you know,
34:15you do your thing, you live your lives.
34:17LAUGHTER
34:19Do you think you could play while I read out the numbers?
34:22Yeah, well, I'm new to it, so...
34:24All right, well, I'll just... You start and I'll go.
34:27Right, it's actually a piece of piss.
34:29LAUGHTER
34:31I'm just... I don't know about you,
34:33but I'm just remembering a show we did years ago.
34:36LAUGHTER
34:38It's probably hard.
34:39LAUGHTER
34:41Five...
34:45It's like an early Oasis song.
34:50And the target, 342.
34:52Your time starts now.
34:55LAUGHTER
35:05LAUGHTER
35:12LAUGHTER
35:25The target was 342. How did you do, Aisling?
35:28Erm...
35:31I got...
35:34Jon, how did you do?
35:37Oh, bollocks.
35:39I got 340.
35:41OK, Miles?
35:42340.
35:43Me too.
35:44340 as well. Aisling?
35:46339.
35:47339. You definitely got that within the time as well, yeah?
35:50Yes, I actually did, though.
35:51I tried to cheat a bit longer, but it didn't work.
35:53339.
35:55Miles, how did you get 340?
35:57Er, 50 times 6 and 5 times 8.
36:0050 times 6 for 300 and 5 times 8 for 40, for 340.
36:04Jon, how did you do?
36:06Oh, well, I mean, his is better.
36:0975 plus 10 is 85.
36:1285.
36:1350 over 5 is 10.
36:15Minus the 6 is 4.
36:17Minus the 6 is 4.
36:19And then I timesed them.
36:20Yeah, 340.
36:2277 points to both teams.
36:27Rachel, could that be done, 3, 4, 2?
36:30Yeah, 75 minus 10 minus 8 is 57.
36:34Oh, she's back. She's back. This is the Rachel I know and love.
36:3757 times 6?
36:39Yeah, 342.
36:46That could be bullshit, we don't know.
36:52There's no way of checking, that's the shame of it.
36:55So the scores at the moment, Jon and Aisling have 24,
36:57Sean and Miles have 26, pretty close.
36:59And here is your final teaser.
37:01The words are HELMSBIT and the clue is
37:04it's the size of a fingertip.
37:06That's HELMSBIT, it's the size of a fingertip.
37:09See you after the break.
37:14Welcome back. The answer to the teaser, the words were HELMSBIT,
37:17the clue was it's the size of a fingertip.
37:19It was, of course, thimbles.
37:22OK, time for our final letters game. Aisling, your turn to choose.
37:25Can I have a vowel, please?
37:28You can indeed. O.
37:30Another vowel, please.
37:32E.
37:34And then a consonant.
37:36G.
37:38G.
37:40Oh!
37:42That noise means, Aisling, you get a bonus round.
37:47CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
37:50Aisling, what will happen now
37:52is you have a chance to win your team six points.
37:56Oh!
37:58What will happen is you will find a bag next to your seat.
38:01In that bag are some knives.
38:08What you have to do is throw the knives at this board.
38:14Every time one of those knives stick in the board,
38:17you win your team a point.
38:20But every time a knife sticks in me...
38:24..you lose a point.
38:28It's as simple as that.
38:30So can we drop the lights a little?
38:33I might take cover.
38:35Pop out of the way, love. This shit's happening.
38:39OK, take the knives out of the bag.
38:44Oh, Joe, there's only plastic forks in here.
38:48Does no-one read their fucking emails?!
39:03I was really excited.
39:05I thought it was going to be brilliant.
39:09LAUGHTER
39:11OK, back to the game. Aisling, pick a letter.
39:13Can I get a vowel, please?
39:16No, you can't.
39:17I
39:18Oh, son!
39:20Can I please have a consonant?
39:22S
39:24Erm...
39:25R
39:26And another R, yeah.
39:27And then...
39:28D
39:29D... Yeah, give it a go.
39:31Erm...
39:32Another consonant.
39:34L
39:35L and then one more vowel.
39:36And the last one.
39:37A
39:38Yeah.
39:39Your time starts now.
40:07MUSIC STOPS
40:12John, how many have you got?
40:13Seven.
40:15Seven. Aisling?
40:17Er, five.
40:19Five. Miles?
40:21Five.
40:22Sean?
40:23Five.
40:24Miles, what's your five?
40:26Rails.
40:27Rails. Sean?
40:28Aegis. A-E-G-I-S.
40:30Aisling, your five?
40:32Large.
40:33John, your seven?
40:34Gliders.
40:35Gliders.
40:36APPLAUSE
40:41Seven points to John and Aisling.
40:44That hurt, that one.
40:46Sean's taking it well.
40:49And Nick, Susie, could they have done any better?
40:52Yeah, they could have. They could have got an eight.
40:54Or they could have got a six. They could have had orgies.
40:58Orgies was up there, of course it was.
41:00Susie?
41:01Susie?
41:02They could have had, er, Daryls for eight, which are cooking pots.
41:06They're kind of flower pot shape, but you might be able to get a curry in.
41:10You might be able to get a curry in a Daryl.
41:12But it's there for eight, anyway.
41:13OK, so Sean and Miles have 26,
41:15John and Aisling are just in the lead with 31
41:17as we go into the final numbers game.
41:19APPLAUSE
41:24OK, Sean, Miles, your turn to pick the numbers.
41:27Er, two big ones and four little ones, please.
41:30Two large, four small.
41:32Right, this round is ten, eight, nine...
41:35Is there a number called 17, or did I make that up?
41:4325, 75...
41:46677.
41:48OK, your time starts now.
42:01You've got 15 seconds, John, get it down yet.
42:06A little bit of chutney wouldn't go out of the mix right about now, I'd say.
42:21Er, well, how was that audition as Cookie Monster?
42:26OK, er, what have you got, John?
42:28677.
42:30You've got 677.
42:32Watch out for those storm clouds, cos here comes Rain Man.
42:35That's amazing, John.
42:39Aisling, what have you got?
42:40Erm, 625.
42:45OK, Sean, what have you got?
42:47I've got 678.
42:49678, OK, Miles?
42:50Er, 675.
42:52675, OK.
42:53John, how did you do it?
42:5575 times nine.
42:5875 times what?
43:00Nine.
43:01It's, er...
43:03675.
43:05Did that in me head, whatever.
43:08I couldn't get the two.
43:11I did six...
43:13Nine times 75 is 675.
43:15I couldn't get the ten minus eight, just didn't see it.
43:18It's the panic.
43:21Ten points to John.
43:34That is possibly the greatest machine that's ever been invented.
43:38I find it, in really tough moments, it really helps.
43:45They're my bubbles.
43:49Actually, I can't turn it off.
43:53OK, no, fine.
43:55There's quite a lot of liquid around electrics now.
43:59OK, fingers on buzzers, it's time for today's Countdown Conundrum.
44:25BELL RINGS
44:34Sean?
44:39Sean?
44:41Sean?
44:44Weest...
44:46Weest...
44:49A weest saw. A weest saw.
44:51You know, a weest saw.
44:53That's not it. Restart the clock.
44:55BUZZER
44:57John, did you just buzz?
44:59I buzz like a man who's just eaten a hot curry
45:01and has got a bit of a cob on
45:03and finds himself the sweatiest man in the room.
45:06Is it sweatiest?
45:08Let's have a look.
45:10Very good.
45:12Sweatiest.
45:17So we've got it. So the final scores are Sean and Miles have 26,
45:20Miles with 51, John and Aisling.
45:28Congratulations, you two.
45:30You're now the proud owners of a Countdown commemorative plate.
45:33Thanks to all our panellists, our wonderful studio audience
45:35and all of you for watching at home.
45:37That's it from us. Good night.
45:45Sunday, the street racers are on for a massive heist.
45:48Vin Diesel, The Rock gets speedy
45:50in the network premiere of Fast Five, Sunday at nine.
45:53But coming up, tricking Katy Perry and Ricky Gervais like a good'un.
45:57It's David Blaine, real or magic.