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FunTranscript
00:00Where were you hiding today, ding-dang crazy mutt?
00:18Gotta stay sharp.
00:19Gotta stay on guard.
00:21Not all hunkered down in the rain gutters, waiting to jump on my head.
00:29Not all coiled up in the trash cans like some kind of psyched jack-in-the-box.
00:34I know where you're at.
00:41It's finally gonna happen!
00:53I'm finally gonna get to deliver the mail without getting jumped by that slobbering
00:58furball!
00:59Mail's here!
01:00Come and get it!
01:01Looks like our good friend Burpy has a nasty case of eczema.
01:07This is a whizzy.
01:08Whizzy, huh?
01:09That's a cute name for such an ugly little dog.
01:13Look it over there, dragging mailman away.
01:16Hey, you're turning into quite the little grease monkey, Trev.
01:26Well, next time, just try not to pour the motor oil directly into the radiator fan.
01:32Is the mail here yet?
01:35In a weird sort of way.
01:38Berkeley, let go of the nice mailman.
01:46I'll tell you what, from now on, just toss the mail into the yard from the sidewalk.
01:54Honey, why are you wearing that itchy old onion sack?
01:58I've entered the school art contest.
02:00This is part of my creative preparation.
02:03Good plan.
02:04I'm sure a lot of famous artists dressed up like onions.
02:07No, they did not dress up like onions.
02:11But according to my research, all great artists throughout history did have one thing in common.
02:17Paint?
02:18No.
02:19Wimpy French names?
02:21No.
02:22They all failed math and had no other viable career options?
02:25Suffering!
02:27They all endured incredible suffering.
02:30Toulouse-Lautrec toiled in poverty.
02:33Pablo Picasso was tragically allergic to spicy food.
02:37Vincent van Gogh only blossomed as a painter after he went completely mad.
02:42There you have it.
02:43All great artists suffer.
02:45And therefore, to become a great artist, I feel I, too, must suffer.
02:51Ooh, ooh, we have you something.
02:54Cookie, stop that givy-pappy pinchy feet.
03:00Ow! Ow!
03:02Berkley!
03:03No, don't stop him!
03:05I'm already starting to feel more creative.
03:07All I have to do now is find the right medium.
03:15This can only be bad.
03:18Watch my crystal ball!
03:21Berkley, what are you doing with Mrs. Stephanopoulos?
03:24I curse you!
03:28I get it.
03:29Mrs. Stephanopoulos is a psychic, which is a synonym for medium.
03:33You want to put cinnamon on Mrs. Stephanopoulos?
03:37Oh, there's no hope for the youth of today.
03:40I curse all of you!
03:42Now take me home at once.
03:44Curse, curse, curse!
03:46Ow!
03:47Curse!
03:49What I meant to say was, I have to pick an artistic discipline.
03:54Maybe I should immerse myself in oils.
04:06I think I'll start by painting with an airbrush.
04:14Not a hairbrush, an airbrush, as in the one I'm holding right here.
04:19What?
04:20More pinchy feet!
04:22What?
04:23The suffering is good.
04:25The suffering is necessary.
04:27Let's start with a self-portrait.
04:29You want to paint yourself?
04:31What could be more beautiful?
04:34A way bulky, of a pelky and booty-filled pink.
04:38Ow!
04:39Come on!
04:41Give it to me!
04:49Decide to practice by painting your room?
04:51Well, I'll just be on my way then.
04:58Okay, let's try another self-portrait.
05:01Only this time, in clay.
05:04That doesn't mean I want to cover myself in clay.
05:09That's disappointing.
05:12More pinchy feet!
05:14And no more pinchy feet!
05:16Uh-oh.
05:17How we help you, Selfie?
05:19Use your imaginations.
05:27Use the pain.
05:29Concentrate on recreating your own beautiful face.
05:41Just block them out and feed off the suffering.
05:46I'm cursed!
05:48Are you sure this suffering thing hasn't gone a little too far?
05:52Are you kidding? I've only just begun!
05:54Hey! Is that supposed to be you or Berkeley?
06:07Rip glue paste!
06:10Rip glue paste!
06:12Hey, isn't that something?
06:14Yes, it looks like you've achieved almost Vincent van Gogh-like status.
06:19We helped you, Selfie!
06:23We sure did.
06:25And don't think for one minute that I'm going to forget it.
06:28How about a little lunch, honey?
06:31Too much pleasure.
06:33Besides, judging for the art show starts in a few hours.
06:37Well, if there's anything we can do...
06:39Warm up the van!
06:40And get me a moving dolly!
06:42I'm not sure I can still move my legs.
06:48Hey! It's really starting to look like me!
06:52Especially now that half my body is covered in newspaper and glue!
06:56My Selfie for you!
06:58You want to help me suffer some more?
07:01You bet we do!
07:03Good. Go into the basement, hide in the corner,
07:07and count to ten over and over again until I come for you.
07:11How's that making you, Selfie?
07:14Do it!
07:18Rip glue paste! Rip glue paste! Rip glue paste!
07:28Just a little bit more, Selfie, and I'll be one big boy!
07:42I call it snow drift!
07:49What have we here?
07:51It's a big black splotch.
07:53You should get your eyes checked.
08:04Finally, something with a little angst!
08:07What imagination!
08:10Perhaps an image from a recent nightmare?
08:13You hear that, Mom?
08:16How dare you!
08:20Just one more piece of newspaper, and...
08:24We have you, Daddy!
08:26Just a little more Selfie for you!
08:31Stop!
08:40Stop!
08:44Just give me a chance to explain!
08:47Is that really possible?
08:49I mean, what you've done here is absolutely transcendent!
08:54You're a living portrait of the angst and suffering
08:58constructed and suffocated by your own work,
09:01yet cradling your raw animal instincts with open arms!
09:07And quite frankly, speaking to my very soul!
09:11Exactly!
09:12Boys and girls, we have a winner!
09:19I hate to say it, Penelope,
09:21but I think you owe little Vic and Berkeley an apology.
09:24Well, you certainly did help me suffer!
09:27And I did win first prize!
09:29You're a good dog!
09:32Come on! Let's hop in the van
09:35and celebrate with a trip to the ice cream parlor!