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Celebs Go Dating S13E10 (2024)


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00:00Tonight, skip breakfast, cancel lunch, the brunch is back with a host of brand new hotties.
00:10Respect.
00:11We want you to do some fast flirting.
00:14Oh, no.
00:16Do a little step in here.
00:18We'll finish it there.
00:19Love.
00:20Give me a kiss.
00:21You had salmon spam, but where?
00:22All over your face.
00:23How was your last bit?
00:24It was good.
00:25He got buzzed.
00:26And Helen loves in a flank grenade.
00:30My feelings have just got stronger, and things have just got more intense.
00:35You lied to us.
00:41Right.
00:43As our celebs go speed dating.
00:51Say what?
00:55We're halfway through the series, and it's been a while since our celebs last lost their
01:02dignity at the infamous brunch.
01:04So what's the best way to get over a bad brunch?
01:07Oh?
01:08That's right.
01:09Get under another one.
01:10But this time, we're adding a twist.
01:12You're devoid of bush.
01:14They'll be speed dating.
01:16Oh, my God.
01:19So while Tom tries to get his shit together, ooh, we're only missing one thing.
01:25Hello, old chum.
01:26And no, it's not Tom's ding-dong.
01:30It's the celebs.
01:32And leading the charge are these two bone-brunching babes, Jamelia and Ella.
01:42Hey, darling.
01:44Oh, my.
01:46Aren't you to an assault on the retinas?
01:49Hello, my darling.
01:50Oh, I say.
01:52Well, I feel horribly underdressed.
01:54No, you look gorgeous.
01:55We need to catch up.
01:56The mean Jamelia actually haven't seen each other since the last brunch.
02:00Yeah.
02:01Where I was a wreck.
02:03At last week's brunch, Ella was confronted about goings-on after her date with Rhys.
02:09We did overhear that perhaps other things went on.
02:13Yeah, like stuff sexually has happened.
02:17Can I just have five minutes, please?
02:20This is so embarrassing.
02:22I felt ashamed, and everyone was making a point of being like,
02:25you shouldn't be ashamed, though.
02:26Sex is empowering.
02:27And I was thinking, you know, now I'm just going to be completely honest.
02:30If someone, I don't know, licks my boob or whatever,
02:33I will just be open and honest about it.
02:35OK, if we're being open, I lick my own boobs.
02:37After last week, I'm so nervous about today's brunch.
02:41But on the plus side, there is someone I can't wait to see.
02:45Adam Wood yet?
02:46I can't stop thinking about Rhys.
02:48Oh, yeah, Rhys.
02:49I know. Yeah, I do like him.
02:51So, I want to know, how many dates, who are they, how did it go?
02:56Kissing, have you done anything?
02:58Well, you asked, Ella, so here's the stats so far.
03:01Our jammies been on four dates.
03:04One with a wizard.
03:05Not me. Not Hermione.
03:08You.
03:09One with a guy who preferred chocolate to chatting.
03:11Yeah, I'll just...
03:13She snogged none of them.
03:15See you later.
03:16See you.
03:17But did win one game of rock, paper, scissors.
03:24I've had some dates.
03:25I just haven't, like, felt the spark with them.
03:27None of the dates that you've been on
03:29since I've seen you've actually connected with?
03:32No, I haven't liked any of them in that way.
03:35Don't cry, Tom, we haven't even started yet.
03:37I just want to feel like a girl
03:39and none of them have been man enough to do that.
03:42It's always kind of, yeah, a bit wishy-washy.
03:45Speaking of wishy-washy...
03:48..here's Wishy.
03:49I'll be honest, I've been asleep last night.
03:51There's a general impending sense of doom around these brunches
03:54now after the last one.
03:56And here's Washy.
03:58Is that Tristan's bicep flexing all on its own?
04:01Oh, I feel weak.
04:03I've had some time to think over the last few days.
04:05I do like Georgia.
04:06I feel like, you know, we've obviously got a bit of a connection there.
04:10Sexual chemistry's on point.
04:12I feel like maybe something's missing to take it to that next level.
04:15I just don't know if I see myself with her long-term
04:17and I think that's what I am looking for.
04:19Is Tristan right-handed?
04:20That muscle's probably got PTSD from over-exertion.
04:25Hoping to brunch their way into a relationship,
04:28it's toots-top-totty Tristan and anti-comedy crumpet magnate Chris.
04:32Hello. Oh, hello.
04:34Wow. Wow.
04:35You both look stunning.
04:37How are you, darling? I love this dress.
04:39You look stunning. Thank you so much.
04:41Bloody Mary. Mimosa. Mimosa.
04:43Oh, I'll save them for later.
04:45This is very sweet. There you go, sir. Oh, my God.
04:47How are the dates going, mate?
04:49They're going. I'm on date three with Georgia now.
04:52What? Third date. Really? Yeah.
04:54That must be going well, then. We went to Lawn Bowls.
04:56I lifted my shirt up and she was, like, doing tequila shots off me.
04:59Why are you doing softcore porn and I can't even get past the first date?
05:02The answer to that, Chris, is that Tristan has got some smooth moves.
05:06You ready?
05:07I'm going to do it like anyone watches. Ready?
05:10This is...
05:13I feel like it's Christmas and my birthday.
05:16What's your update?
05:17So I've been on two more dates, they're both called Daisy.
05:20Daisy won. I took a leaf out of your book.
05:22I thought flowers were a bit done,
05:24so I got a watermelon and stuck some googly eyes on it.
05:27That would be my next option, yeah.
05:29The only logical, reasonable... Yeah, yeah, yeah.
05:31Oh, I got you a present, by the way. No, you didn't. Yeah.
05:34It's a watermelon with googly eyes on it.
05:38Oh, fuck. Have you actually bought that?
05:40Yeah, I made that myself.
05:43And then the second Daisy, I got a build-your-own-bird feeder,
05:46which I thought you'd love as well.
05:48The dates themselves, though, I just don't know, mate.
05:51The chat's fun, but I'm not finding that element there.
05:55For me, stage one, that's my most important thing.
05:58But that's clearly on your litmus test,
06:00and if you're not getting that, then it means you're not compatible.
06:04The agents are telling me as well that I need to go deeper or whatever.
06:07Personally, I'm not very comfortable with going deep
06:10with people that I've literally just met,
06:12but I'm actually a very deep guy, surprisingly.
06:14I'm an iceberg. Yep, an absolute belt.
06:18But the party can't start without our final two.
06:21It's the man with the flan, goggled-eyed Stephen and Helen Blondenden.
06:28Oh!
06:30Oh, I see!
06:33How are we doing?
06:35Ah, the gang's back together.
06:37So, how's the date going?
06:39I'm pleased to report I have had a successful date.
06:43Oh, you have? Yes.
06:45Tell us something about it, go on.
06:47So, his name was Safe, and I think he got me, we had a giggle.
06:50Did you kiss? We had a peck.
06:52Oh, OK. On the lips? On the lips, yeah.
06:55OK, that's cute. We've had a really nice date.
06:57I have too. I had a lot of fun.
06:59See you soon.
07:02So, I feel like I'm on the up. OK.
07:04Things are looking better. Amazing.
07:06What about you? What about me?
07:08So, yeah, I went on a date with a guy called Danny.
07:11Really loved the guy, dead sweet, northern.
07:14I just didn't feel it. No.
07:16I just didn't... No, I need, like, a spark,
07:18I need, like, a romantic connection or, you know,
07:20some sexual chemistry, and we didn't have it, so...
07:23I think you either have it or you don't. Yeah.
07:25It's like that magic ingredient, isn't it?
07:27Give them a chance here, cos I said this about Rhys in the beginning,
07:30I don't want to see him again, and now, look,
07:32I've given him a chance and he's given me multiple chances, so...
07:36Yeah, no, it's good to give people a chance, yeah, it is.
07:39Tell that to all the fellas you've pied off.
07:41Oh, I see!
07:43But stop the press.
07:45We've got agents incoming.
07:47Look at you go, look at you go.
07:49Garamilla! Look at you all.
07:51Oh, wait, you know, there's a lot of chest happening.
07:54I knew Paul was a boob man.
07:57There is chest across the board!
08:00And there's one person without their chest out.
08:05Look it out, Paul.
08:06Let me officially welcome you to the Celebrity Agency Lunch.
08:11CHEERING
08:14We want you today to do some fast flirting.
08:19Oh, no!
08:22Oh, my gosh!
08:24At least it's fast.
08:25Fast flirting is essentially speed dating.
08:28Just call it that, then.
08:29You'll be meeting four fabulous singles.
08:33Put your best foot forward, make a good impression, get your flirt on.
08:37We're at the halfway point,
08:39and most of our celebrities aren't even close to finding a match.
08:43So this is a great way to test their flirting skills
08:46and get loads of faces in front of them quickly.
08:49It requires you to be quick, to make quick decisions.
08:53This is about showing your authentic self.
08:55Have fun doing this.
08:57The agents have asked me to dial back the smutty comments on my dates.
09:01How the hell am I going to do that fast flirting?
09:04It's like ordering a full English and not ordering the sausage.
09:07And I love a sausage. We know.
09:09You will also have a buzz off buzzer.
09:12So if you're not feeling your date, if it's tanking, you want to move on,
09:16you want to cut it short, then you can buzz.
09:19But here's the thing, so can the datees.
09:22If they are feeling you, they can also buzz out.
09:25I'm getting buzzed today.
09:27This place is going to sound like a Love Honey stock room in an earthquake.
09:31So then, on that note, you all can take your seats.
09:36Good luck.
09:37With our celebrities already feeling the pressure of this task,
09:40us agents, we're going to leave them to it and let Tom run the show.
09:45I mean, what could possibly go wrong?
09:47That's what Rishi said when he called an early election.
09:50Babe, I will own this more than any of you, so...
09:53Oh, yeah, I'm expecting big things now.
09:55I'm the only one who's got a shag so far. None of you have, so...
09:59Are you going to stand up and hug them?
10:01I'm going to stand up. Are you here? Are you going to hug?
10:04I'm actually really excited about this.
10:06Now, I know on my dates I'm not the best at flirting,
10:10but maybe today's the day?
10:12That's the spirit, Jammie.
10:14But if your date does take a nosedive into the boring end of the pool,
10:17you've all got some flashcards with some questions to help you out.
10:21Celebrities, as soon as my clapper hits my bell,
10:25our fast flirting event will commence.
10:32Well, now that Flirtageddon is in full swing...
10:37..let's meet the poor bastards who've got to impress the girls.
10:41CHEERING
10:44Aaron, Nathan and Sam.
10:46Oh, do I get on? I don't know.
10:48Oh, hello. Hi. Hello.
10:51Lovely to meet you.
10:53Hi, I'm Anna. Nice to meet you.
10:56Hi, Nathan, I'm Ellie. You probably know who I am anyway.
10:59But if you don't, then I'm an icon.
11:01I don't really. You don't know who I am?
11:03Come on, Nathan, she's up there with Marilyn Monroe.
11:06OK, we'll skip over that, then. That's fine.
11:08Oh, hi, darling. Nice to meet you.
11:10My name's Sam. Sam. Sam, I'm Halle.
11:13Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.
11:15Jesus, that's a great start. Shall we have a go?
11:17Straight into it, yeah? What do you like the most about yourself?
11:21My tanned skin. You've got beautiful skin.
11:24Tanned all year round. Yeah. Are you, like, mixed-race?
11:27No, my mum's half Irish.
11:29Famous for their Mediterranean golden glow, the Irish.
11:32I was really hoping the celebrities would try and conjure their own chat
11:36before reaching for the help cards, but Helen's gone straight for them.
11:40I'm not sure her heart's in this.
11:42Do you want to ask me a question? Shall I get one from there?
11:45Do you have your own? Erm...
11:48Sorry, I'm sweating a little bit. It's fine, it's fine.
11:51I have that effect on people, I'm sorry. I'm joking, I'm joking.
11:54You're a stoner, Liv. I'm completely blown away.
11:57Oh, please.
11:59Well, Aaron's getting clammy over jammy. Great start.
12:02What do you do for work? And then that's it for the boring questions.
12:05Oh, OK, so, Monday to Friday, I'm a project manager.
12:08Oh, you're going to tell me you're a butler in the buff or something?
12:11I am literally a butler in the buff. No! OK.
12:13Mostly at hem parties, but sometimes corporate events.
12:15OK, stand up, lift your top up. I can't lift the cameras up.
12:18I've got... Oh, OK, right.
12:21Do you want to see my tits? No, I'm joking, I'm joking.
12:24Yeah, a bit of a life lesson for you, Nathan.
12:26If a woman ever asks that question, just say yes.
12:31I suppose, like, what's your name again? So, my name's Sam.
12:34Who would be your dream dinner party guest?
12:37Ooh...
12:39I like a comedian person, so mine's probably a load of blokes.
12:42Kevin Hart. Kevin Hart?
12:44Yeah, he's part of mine. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
12:46Edmund, is it three you've got to choose?
12:50Er, Mr R Beckett, ever heard of him?
12:52You know what, I think you're really lovely,
12:54but I don't think this is going anywhere, is it?
12:57Oh, God, poor bastard.
12:59LAUGHTER
13:02Comments, lovely guy, but no spark.
13:05Savage, right in front of his face.
13:08So, it's fast flirting, but there is no flirting coming from Sam,
13:11so time's up and it's on to the next.
13:16I heard a buzzer.
13:18I pressed the buzzer. OK.
13:20I just don't feel like we had the chemistry.
13:23Right, it's relatively early on, that would be my only caveat.
13:27LAUGHTER
13:29Oh, God, make it stop, Tom.
13:31Sam, you're going to come with me. Lovely. All right.
13:34I don't want to be too judgemental,
13:37but Helen did seem rather harsh with him and awfully quick to buzz.
13:41If I were to put on my judge's wig,
13:43I'd say she didn't really give him a chance.
13:46Yep, the only spark on that date came from her hand slamming that buzzer.
13:51Coming up...
13:53The girls come for the boys.
13:55This is literally my wedding ring, by the way.
13:57When people just talk absolute rubbish, it is my favourite thing.
14:00I'm a professional golfer, so... How do I ring the winning bell?
14:03And the boys go for a girl.
14:05Do you know what's going to happen as well?
14:07We're going to pick the same person. Yeah, of course.
14:09But this time, we'll have a cock-off. Let's go.
14:21Welcome back to Celebs Go Speed Dating,
14:24where Tom standing around clutching his little bell can only mean one thing.
14:28We're balls deep in fast flirting.
14:30It was lovely to meet you, Sam. Nice to meet you anyway. Thank you.
14:33Where Helen Buzzigan has already claimed her first victim.
14:36Are you nervous? Very. Why? Cos I'm scared of girls.
14:39Justin's scared of girls.
14:41I just can't. I can't press the buzzer. I can't bring myself to do it.
14:44You're too polite. I can't do it, yeah. Such a gentleman.
14:46Is that too...? Yeah, fuck it.
14:48If it's to avoid a romance, darling, I would urge a buzzer pressing.
14:51Yeah? Are you all right? How are you feeling?
14:54Squeaky bum. Going like that.
14:56Rub its nose.
14:58While the girls have already met their speed dates,
15:00let's get some sexy bums on seats for the boys.
15:07Let's hope Hannah, Lizzino and Immaculate can turn up the heat.
15:13Oh, hello. Hello.
15:15I don't know who's coming to me. Are you coming to me? Yes, I am.
15:17Hi. Hello. Lovely to meet you.
15:19Lovely to meet you. I'm a kisser. Oh, OK.
15:21Two? Two?
15:23Ooh! Hi, there. Hi, are you all right?
15:25You all right? Nice to meet you. How are you?
15:27I'm Lizzino. Steve, what's your name? Lizzino.
15:30How are you feeling? I like your feet. You like my feet?
15:33Yeah, outfit. You noticed that first thing, straight in on the thing?
15:35I'm a designer. Oh, really?
15:37Just, like, styling and all of that.
15:39Oh, OK. So I'm doing all right.
15:41You know how to combine colours. Thank you.
15:43Normally, the first thing I see is the fit outfit.
15:46That's the first thing I always look on people, the way they dress.
15:50The first thing you look at on a person is the feet.
15:52The outfit, yes.
15:53Yeah, I think we've got some cross wires here.
15:55She said outfit, not feet, Chris.
15:57Oh, the fit. Feet as outfit.
16:00Oh! As how they dress.
16:01There's an accent issue going on here,
16:03because I thought you were talking about my feet.
16:05So this whole time, you thought, I like your feet?
16:07Yes. Wow.
16:09I was fully thinking, does she want to lick them?
16:14Clearly not. But now I know that.
16:16So we won't talk about feet anymore.
16:18I'd stop talking in general if I were you.
16:20At the back of the room,
16:21let's see if Steve-O's goggle-eyed for the leather-clad Lucino.
16:25How old are you? 26.
16:2726. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
16:28How old were you? 52.
16:3052?! Yeah.
16:31I mean, you look good for 52. Oh, yeah?
16:33Cheers.
16:34God, Lucino, come on, he's gorgeous, but 26?
16:38I'm old enough to be his dad.
16:39Has it stopped you before?
16:41If we're on a date, cosy little date at home,
16:43you're in control of the remote control.
16:45Yeah. What are we watching?
16:47Ooh. I'll tell you.
16:49Porn or the proms?
16:52Proms, I'd say.
16:53Boring.
16:54What would you do if you were invisible for the day?
16:57I'd probably run around naked.
16:59Have you been to a nudie beach?
17:00No, never. Have you?
17:02Yeah. It's nice to get the wind between your legs, isn't it?
17:05I think if I went to a nudie beach,
17:06I'd get quite a lot of attention.
17:08Oh, really? Yeah.
17:10Right, OK.
17:13I like it.
17:14Ten.
17:15So, Stephen sizes up Lucino.
17:17Let's see if Trissie Phipps has got the measure of his date Hannah.
17:21What do you like to do for fun?
17:22I don't want to ask what you do for work, cos that's boring.
17:24Well, my work, I like my work.
17:26OK, that's good. I'm a professional golfer, so...
17:28That is fucking exceptional. That's what I do for fun, yeah.
17:30Are you actually? Great.
17:31How do I, like, ring the winning bell? That's great.
17:33Oh, hello, here we go.
17:35Do you reckon you could bring my game to scratch?
17:37I'm not just going to date you for your golf lessons as well,
17:39by the way, I just want to caveat with that.
17:41I'm not going to use you if you use me.
17:42I do like keeping professional and personal separate.
17:44Do you have a date?
17:45I would date somebody that I coach, but you'd have to pay for the lesson.
17:48Interesting. Depends how you want to pay.
17:50Say no more. OK.
17:52Does she mean direct debit or full sex?
17:54It's very confusing, isn't it?
17:56This is going exceptionally well.
17:58Hannah seems like a fantastic match.
18:00She's fit, she's flirty, she's a golf pro,
18:02so three lessons in there.
18:03I'm just hoping that Chris keeps his hands off.
18:05I haven't asked to see a swing, but...
18:07Do you want to teach me how to swing a club?
18:09I feel like I want to see you. Yeah, go on.
18:11Right, do you want to stand behind me?
18:13I've got to look at you. I've got to see what you do first.
18:15So, how would I dress the ball? You just copy me.
18:17Well, you dress the ball like... She's a professional golfer.
18:19You stick to your dirt. OK.
18:23Time for your next fast flirt.
18:25It was lovely to meet you. You were very interesting.
18:29Two. Oh, shit, I forgot.
18:31It was nice speaking to you. Yeah, and you.
18:33See you later. I'll see you.
18:35Do you like anyone? No.
18:37I don't think I'm ever going to like anyone.
18:39She's a fussy woman.
18:41Rich coming from you, Buzzy McBuzzface.
18:43Hello. Hello. Oh, my God, you've got your shoulder drops.
18:45How are you? Hello, I'm Angelica. How do you do?
18:47What's your name? Angelica. Angelica, yes.
18:49Angelica, it's a lovely name. How do you do? Tristan.
18:51Very well. How are you? I'm OK. How are you?
18:53Yeah, not bad. Not bad. Hello, Ella.
18:55Oh, hi. Oh, you're Scottish.
18:57No, I'm a Geordie. You're Geordie?
18:59Oh, I'm a bit hard of hearing. Similar.
19:01Very similar. Right. Not really, but carry on, Ella.
19:03And how old are you?
19:05I'm 29. You're 29.
19:07Way over. Way over.
19:09I love Cheryl Carl.
19:11Oh, yeah, but she's no Jill Halfpenny.
19:13Next to face buskill Flanagan is this tighty-shirt lump, Danny.
19:15Good luck, mate.
19:17Where are you from? Preston.
19:19Oh, you're from Preston. I'm from Bolton.
19:21Oh, yeah? Yeah. How was your last day?
19:23Was it good? He got buzzed.
19:25Oh, did he? Oh, God, don't buzz me.
19:27He got buzzed. I'm nervous.
19:29Oh, bless you. So far, so good.
19:31Oh, my God, what is this?
19:33I bought you a present.
19:35So, when I was 16,
19:37I was watching a Southern documentary,
19:39and there was a clip where I say,
19:41at 8 o'clock in the morning, I'll have fish and a rice cake,
19:43and then I'll have some more fish and a rice cake,
19:45and then I come across really thick on it,
19:47and it went viral.
19:49You're that guy!
19:51I'm not. I'm the fisherman.
19:53For the lucky sods that missed it,
19:55here he is doing a recreation.
19:578 o'clock in the morning, I'll have fish and a rice cake.
19:59At 10 o'clock, I'll have fish.
20:01At 12 o'clock,
20:03I'll have fish and a rice cake.
20:05I'll have fish and a rice cake.
20:07Oh, wow, that fish and a rice cake meme was so funny,
20:09but I don't want to go out with a meme,
20:11so I'm afraid it's a no for Danny.
20:13Well, it was lovely speaking to you.
20:17Oh, God, Helen strikes a flan again.
20:19Get this, lad, a rice cake and a cab.
20:21Over at the bar, the jammy sandwich
20:23is with Helen's last victim, Sam.
20:25I'm her funeral director.
20:27Oh, wow.
20:29Yeah, so I pick up dead people, really.
20:31You see dead people?
20:33So, do you, like, do you interact with the bodies?
20:35Yeah, so he specialises in that.
20:37We do, like, the coroner works, murders,
20:39we go to crime scenes.
20:41It's so interesting, yeah.
20:43I'm dead serious about this. We might not end up on another date,
20:45but can I come to work with you?
20:47A date in the morgue.
20:49Actually, yes, let's do it.
20:51So, with jammy morgue than impressed with Sam,
20:53I wonder if Trissie Phipps is getting a stiff
20:55on his table with Angelica.
20:57God, I'm good.
20:59If you had to eat someone's underwear
21:01in a one-metre radius of us right now,
21:03whose would you eat?
21:05Pass. Pass. Yeah, we're not answering that.
21:07Good start.
21:09That's a hard pass. Should we try another one?
21:11What's your favourite hobby?
21:13Favourite hobby? It probably would be, like,
21:15bird-watching, spending time outdoors in nature.
21:17I used to like swans until I realised they could actually
21:19get divorced and cheat on each other,
21:21and that really upset me.
21:23I'm with her. I hate those big, white, hissy pricks.
21:25Did that upset...?
21:27I mean, not all of them have got that Disney fairytale ending.
21:29Some have sunburns, but we've got slightly more
21:31rascal behaviour than others.
21:33Did you watch any Steve Irwin growing up?
21:35I don't watch TV. Do you not? No.
21:37Would you watch this? Maybe.
21:39I will watch this, definitely. Yeah?
21:41Yeah. OK. Just see how embarrassing my chat's been.
21:43Awful.
21:45Average. Good chat. It's been OK.
21:47It's been OK. Could do better. Could do better.
21:51Honestly, at this point, I'm staring at my watch,
21:53waiting for Tom to ring that bell.
21:55This is the driest, most boring date
21:57I've ever been on in my life.
21:59At the next table,
22:01let's see what Chris's idea of fast flirting with Nicole is.
22:03Tana says it's a wacky question.
22:05Pikachu or Charmander?
22:07Told you.
22:09Or Pikachu. Nice. OK.
22:11Sorry. Hold on.
22:13Take a break there.
22:15Pikachu. Let's go.
22:17I can't actually spell.
22:19Ah, yeah, great. Cheers to that.
22:21Cheers to that.
22:23Nicole's a good chinwagger, but let's put her to the test.
22:25What spice would you rub on what spice girl?
22:27Ginger on ginger.
22:29Next.
22:31Something like oregano for baby spice.
22:33OK. Something just, like, kind of subtle.
22:35Yeah, nothing crazy.
22:37This is literally my worst dream, by the way.
22:39When people just talk absolute rubbish,
22:41it is my favourite thing.
22:43BELL RINGS
22:45Bid your farewells. It's time for your next fast flirt.
22:47Oh.
22:49Aaron, it was a pleasure.
22:51Oh, it was lovely speaking to you.
22:53I'm not being an absolute cock.
22:55Well, I'll do my best.
22:57Are we doing a handshake or a hug? We'll do a hug.
22:59Nice to meet you. Lovely to meet you.
23:01How are you finding it? Yeah, it's fun.
23:03Yeah, really fun.
23:05Do you like anyone?
23:07Tom. What was her name?
23:09No, no, no, Tom. No, no, don't stitch me up here.
23:11Come on, help me out.
23:13Do you not write it down at the beginning of the day?
23:15That was tough. Why don't you just buzz off?
23:17I just can't. The reason it's fast flirting
23:19is that you want to get to the flirt fast.
23:21There was no flirt there. Well, that's it, you see.
23:23I felt like there was a job interview. We shook hands.
23:25I want to snog someone. You shook hands?
23:27I just shook my hand. Did you?
23:29Yeah. Oh, crumbs.
23:31On the upside, we ain't been buzzed yet.
23:33We haven't been buzzed yet.
23:35Still time, boys, still time.
23:45Welcome back to Celebs Go Dating,
23:47where our love-hungry celebs
23:49are halfway through Tom's surprise speed dating brunch.
23:53Let's see how they do in round three.
23:57On to your next fast flirt.
23:59Oh, look who it is.
24:01Chris's previous date, Nicole, is back.
24:03Stop looking at him.
24:05I haven't met you yet.
24:07Hello, Nicole. How are you doing?
24:09I'm guessing it's Nicole cos it's written on your neck.
24:11I was going to say, how did you know that?
24:13Mine's tattooed on my bum.
24:15Why has he got Nicole tattooed on his bum?
24:17Anyway, also back for more is handshaker Angelica.
24:19Hello.
24:21Hello. I'm Chris.
24:23Nice to meet you. My voice cracked. I don't know why.
24:25Hello, I'm Angelica. How do you do?
24:27Hi, Angelica. Really nice to meet you.
24:29Nice to meet you, too.
24:31Well, you really are an English rose, aren't you?
24:33Oh, thank you. That's really lovely.
24:35Very, very pretty.
24:37You've got massive eyes. Thank you.
24:39You've got, like, anime eyes. Thank you.
24:41Is that a compliment? Yeah, always.
24:43Do you like anime? I don't watch anime.
24:45She's probably not going to like anything you do or say.
24:49Ooh, and look at this young buck.
24:51It's Silver Fox Daniel.
24:53Hello. Stephen.
24:55Hi, Stephen. I'm Daniel.
24:57Daniel? Yes.
24:59Oh, God. I'm divorcing a Daniel.
25:01You're divorcing a Daniel.
25:03Is that good or bad?
25:05Well, bad, clearly.
25:07What do you do in London?
25:09They call us wankers.
25:11Bankers, wankers. Are you a wanker?
25:13I'm a wanker.
25:15I'm a cake.
25:17Hi, darling, how are you?
25:19Very nice to meet you.
25:21Give me one of those first.
25:23What's your name? Aaron.
25:25Having put in absolutely zero effort with anyone so far,
25:27let's see what approach Helen's going to take
25:29with her next speed date, Aaron.
25:31Do you want to have a staring competition?
25:33A staring competition?
25:35Yeah. Are you sure?
25:39Is this flirting or just an excuse not to talk to him?
25:43Over at the bar, let's see if the jammy sponge can do any better
25:46with another of Helen's previous buzz victims, Danny.
25:50Wow, your tattoos are amazing.
25:52Yeah, I've got loads. Oh, my gosh.
25:54Is that Will Ferrell?
25:57This is my TV and film like.
25:59Oh, God, we're not going to see Jim Davidson, are we?
26:01Phew, Jim Carrey, let's move on.
26:03What's this on? Heroes. Heroes.
26:05That's where I got the Avengers sign. Yeah.
26:07I've got Thor on my... No way! ..my Thor arm, my Thor arm.
26:10That's funny.
26:12Any fish tats? Is that...?
26:14Oh, God, he's actually got rice cake popping out the shorts.
26:18That's why... Didn't you just blink?
26:20Is that what staring competition is? I haven't done one for so long.
26:23Yeah, you can't blink.
26:24Intriguing stuff from Helen.
26:26She's really buying into this today, Tom.
26:29Right, let's see how Ella Morgan gets on with the Morgue Man.
26:32What's your name? My name's Sam.
26:34Sam, how old are you? 31.
26:36Fucking hell, are you? Yeah.
26:38Do you have big tits?
26:40Yeah, I've had a few things.
26:42What have you had? Salmon sperm.
26:44You've had salmon sperm? Yeah.
26:46Put where? All over your face.
26:48Makes sense. Why swim for miles upstream to spawn
26:51when you can just jizz on sunblocks, face?
26:53OK, so I know your age, you're 31, you've got sperm in your face...
26:56Salmon sperm. It's got to be fish sperm.
26:58Salmon sperm, sorry. Not anyone's sperm.
27:00You obviously go to the gym. Yeah.
27:02Are you not a bodybuilder, are you a PT?
27:04No, no, no, I'm a funeral director,
27:06cos I pick up dead people for a living. Yeah.
27:08You see the bodies? Yeah. So do you bury people?
27:10Yeah, we do all of it. We do everything you think of to death, we do.
27:13Do you kill them as well? Cos if so, I've got a couple of names.
27:16I decided that I'm going to have my body stuffed, like an animal...
27:20OK. ..and then hung up, so everyone can, like, praise me,
27:23and then my eyes would be on everyone,
27:25so no matter where you stand, it would be like I was looking at you.
27:29A, is that weird, and B, is that possible?
27:32I could do that.
27:34Well, Ella figures out how she's going to get a good stuffing
27:37from Sammy Salmon, the morgue man.
27:39Let's see how Chris is getting on with the swan-hater.
27:42What do you do for a job? I'm a parliamentary researcher.
27:45Sorry? A parliamentary researcher.
27:48Is that politics? Yes, it is.
27:51Correct.
27:55Oh, God.
27:57You are the sweetest human in the world,
28:01but I hate politics so much.
28:04Politics gives me a direction.
28:06Not me. All you have to say is EU farming subsidies
28:10and I fertilise my knickers.
28:12Am I to take it from that last remark that you buzzed the buzzer?
28:16I buzzed, but more because it's not your problem, it's my problem.
28:20Do you know what I mean?
28:22Yeah, yeah, it's not you, it's me. Blah, blah, blah. Bollocks.
28:25I'm afraid that means the termination of this date.
28:28That's OK. It was lovely to meet you.
28:30It was so nice to meet you. I feel bad buzzing you.
28:32Politics is a very touchy subject. It's touchy.
28:35I shall convene. I feel bad.
28:39Politics.
28:41It's a good reason, it's a solid reason.
28:43I applaud your candour. Thank you.
28:45And not cross.
28:47Oh, Tom is totally fuming, isn't he?
28:49On the next table, let's see what the Fips makes of Chris's fancy girl, Nicole.
28:53Tell me about yourself. I like your bracelet as well, very sweet.
28:56Thank you. Have these got a meaning?
28:58They actually do have meanings for my family.
29:00They're big on family, so, yeah, music.
29:02I dance. Yeah? I can do salsa.
29:04Can you? Will you teach me a step? I can.
29:06Shall we? What, right now? Yeah.
29:08Of course. OK. Uh-oh.
29:10So, you're going to do...
29:12I'm so shit at that, oh, my God.
29:14And then back. I'm so stiff.
29:16Not in that way, I promise.
29:18Shall I teach you my... So, this is called the Socky in Afrikaans.
29:21So, we do a little step in here. Ooh!
29:23We do one in there.
29:25And we do arms up, slide.
29:27In.
29:29Out.
29:31We'll finish it there. Hello. With a kiss.
29:35Oh, she was going to go there as well!
29:37Not looking good, Chris, am I?
29:39If Tristan ends up picking the same girl as me again,
29:43I'm not going to be held responsible for how I'll react.
29:46I mean, it's probably just going to be a strongly worded email
29:49to his agent, but...
29:51..it will be strongly worded.
29:56I've enjoyed it, thank you.
29:58It's so nice to meet you.
30:00If I die in the next five minutes... I'll have you stuffed on the wall.
30:03..take me straight to the fridge and shove me on the wall, yeah.
30:06Not a sentence I thought I'd hear today.
30:08Celebrities, time for your next fast flirt.
30:12And so we enter the final round with some familiar faces.
30:16Oh! And it's now Chris's turn to putt it on Golf Pro Hannah,
30:21who got along very well with Fippy Fips earlier.
30:24And cue the random nonsense in three, two, one.
30:28What is the most disgusting thing that you like that you shouldn't?
30:33I don't know. I'm quite gross.
30:35Nothing really makes me think disgusting. OK.
30:37Oh, plate licker. I dated a plate licker. Oh!
30:39That was weird.
30:41The issue was, he licked the plates better than he licked me.
30:44And I think that's a problem.
30:46That's actually devastating. Do you reckon he was into sploshing?
30:49Sploshing? It's where you get food involved in sex.
30:52Maybe you should have combined the two
30:54and you'd have got the licking that you wanted.
30:56I didn't like the sex, though, so I just feel like I would have enjoyed
30:59the food more. It wouldn't have worked.
31:01We could like the same things, but if the sex is crap,
31:03I may as well go and do that with my best mate.
31:05I've got a best mate that likes all the same things as me.
31:07Not the sex, sorry, the things I like.
31:09Sorry, just had a horrible image of me sploshing off with Romesh.
31:13Anyway, across the room, we've got a sparkly surprise for Stephen.
31:17Hi. Hiya. Wow.
31:19Hi. What an outfit.
31:21Thank you. Hiya. How are you? Nice to meet you.
31:23Stephen. Fur Han.
31:25Fur Han. Fur like a fur coat, Han like Han Solo.
31:28OK, Fur Han. Talk me through your outfit.
31:31A little bit of my personality.
31:33A bit of sparkle, a bit of glamour, that's all me all over.
31:36OK, cool. I love it.
31:38So, what do you want for the future?
31:40Do you want to get married, do you want to have kids?
31:42Of course, darling. I'm a stay-at-home wife.
31:45You want to be a stay-at-home wife? Of course, yeah.
31:47I want my man to come home and be, like, excited to see me.
31:51Sorry. Sorry.
31:53Aw, look at you.
31:55Another one bites the dust.
31:57Sorry. That's all right, don't worry, darling.
31:59Yeah, but that doesn't align with me.
32:01I need someone to go out to work.
32:03Nah, that ain't a bit of me.
32:05Everyone's got to earn their way.
32:07Who buzzed? I buzzed, I buzzed.
32:09I'm afraid... Oh!
32:11I'm afraid that means that's the end of this date.
32:14Do you want to say your farewells?
32:16Farewell, nice to meet you. Yeah, and you. Bye-bye.
32:20Oh!
32:22And that concludes your fast flirts.
32:26That felt like 4.5 seconds, which is how long I last in bed.
32:30Oh, OK. I really, really need to quit.
32:33I blinked, I blinked. No, you wouldn't, I'm sorry.
32:35Oh, my God, I can't do that.
32:37Fucking hell, they're not still doing that, are they?
32:39Do you know what's going to happen as well?
32:41We're going to pick the same person. Yeah, of course.
32:43But this time, we'll have a cock-off.
32:46Coming up...
32:48Coming up...
32:50Flanners reveals a big secret.
32:52This is becoming quite difficult for me now
32:55because things have just got more intense.
32:59You wasted our time.
33:02What's this mean? Are you going to leave?
33:04Are you leaving the agency? Are you going to leave?
33:06Right, I'm off to milk a salmon and rub it on my nut.
33:19Welcome back to Celebs Go Brunching.
33:21Our celebs have just finished four rounds of speed dating,
33:24while the agents disappeared all afternoon to let Tom run the show.
33:28Lazy bastardos.
33:30They've marked down who they'd like to go on a date with.
33:32Hey there, hey there, hey there.
33:34But the brundog's about to drop a shit sandwich at the singles party.
33:39We told you, you could select any one of these datees,
33:43but we have decided to add a little twist.
33:48The twist is that you could select any of these datees,
33:52but they also have to select you.
33:57If one of you have not selected each other,
34:00that means we will see you back at the agency.
34:04There's a good chance no-one's coming away from this with a date.
34:09So, let's see if your fast flirting has been a success or a flop.
34:14Oh, shit, here we go again.
34:16Moment of truth.
34:18Pray I don't get rejected.
34:21Tristan, Chris.
34:24Me and Tristan duelling again.
34:26If my choice has picked him,
34:28there's going to be a Chris-shaped hole in the door.
34:32Oh, here we go.
34:33Ladies.
34:34Ladies.
34:35Wowee!
34:37Welcome, welcome.
34:39Girls, honestly, how did Tristan do?
34:42I don't know about you girls, but we talked more about me than we did about him.
34:45Same.
34:46It seemed very genuine.
34:49Tristan, you had a choice.
34:53Looking at your card here, I see there's lots written down,
34:56but you have one great big circle around...
35:03Hannah.
35:04Correct.
35:07So, Tristan, why did you select Hannah?
35:09You're fantastic. You've got great energy.
35:11I think you're great. I'd like to get to know you a bit more.
35:14All right, so it's time to find out
35:17if Hannah has selected Tristan.
35:21Will Hannah want to see Tristan again,
35:23or will he have egg all over that posh, beautiful face?
35:27You have circled...
35:32Tristan.
35:33Yay!
35:35It's a match. Get in, Tristan.
35:37Tristan.
35:43I dated them both ten out of ten. They were completely different.
35:46That was fun, but I think I just had a little bit more connection with Tristan.
35:51Well, can I just say, Tristan, Hannah, you two will be going on a date tomorrow.
35:56Tomorrow? Jesus! I haven't brought enough clothes.
36:00I usually date niggers, but...
36:03I am so excited that I got matched with Tristan.
36:06I definitely got some chemistry,
36:08so it would be nice to see where our next date goes,
36:10and maybe being in a situation where we get more time in each other's company.
36:14Who knows?
36:15So, next up, we have our man, Chris.
36:17Chris. I'm stressed now.
36:19Chris, how did you find Fast Florida?
36:21I really thoroughly enjoyed it, yeah.
36:23There's not enough time for me to have to get deep, so...
36:27So, now, Chris, looks like you have circled...
36:31The moment of truth.
36:33Who's it going to be?
36:34Anime eyes, immaculate eyes,
36:37giving him the glad eye or eyebrow eyes?
36:41Nicole.
36:42Yes!
36:45I just really enjoyed my time with Nicole.
36:48I asked her some really ridiculous questions.
36:50She just rolled with it.
36:52So, Nicole, it looks like...
36:59Oh, God, it's going to be Tristan again.
37:04It is a match.
37:05Yes!
37:06You have circled Chris.
37:08Go on, Chris.
37:10Oh, that's a lovely hug.
37:12It is a match.
37:13Yes!
37:14You have circled Chris.
37:16Go on, Chris.
37:18Oh, that's a lovely hug.
37:20Oh, that's a lovely hug as well.
37:22Nearly fell over.
37:23Why did you pick Chris?
37:25I just had a really fun time.
37:27I like somebody who doesn't take life too seriously.
37:29I could just tell there was something more to him
37:31and I was like, I want to kind of see, get in those layers.
37:33I don't know who's told you that.
37:35I'm happy, I've achieved something.
37:37I've picked a girl and she's picked me back.
37:39Validation.
37:41Ladies, we want to thank you so much for your time.
37:44Thank you so much.
37:45So nice to meet you both.
37:47Really excited to go on a date with Chris.
37:49I think it will be really fun.
37:51I can't wait to pick up where we left off
37:53and I'm sure he's got, you know, some more kind of fun chat in store.
37:57Hi, guys.
37:59Next, Paul ran Stephen's numbers.
38:01You've not circled anyone.
38:03Oh.
38:04Really?
38:05But he was goggle-eyed for no-one as he still wants to crack the safe.
38:08Last week, my dating kind of went up here
38:11and I'd like to stay up there,
38:13so if I could, I would like to go on another date safe.
38:16Really?
38:17Oh, hey.
38:18I think you've made some very big improvements, Stephen.
38:21Yeah.
38:22And I think your clarity has really shone through
38:24and it's a much different vibe than the last brunch,
38:27so for that, well done.
38:30Cheers, guys.
38:31See you, boys.
38:34Next up, it was the girls.
38:36I'm utterly confused.
38:38And Jammie did the same and selected nobody.
38:41Yeah.
38:43Oh, my gosh!
38:46I was interested and I had a great time,
38:49but I just didn't feel like we were, any of us, linked romantically.
38:54You know, this is something that we'll definitely need to work on
38:58back at the agency.
39:01Jamelia really seems to be struggling to find her flirty side
39:05and it's not just been today.
39:07We have to work out if her heart is really in this.
39:10Next up...
39:13Ella.
39:14But has Ella circled a fella?
39:16How did you find fast flirting?
39:18I mean, it was my first time and I know I talk a lot,
39:21but I thought I would really boss it.
39:24So, gents, how was it dating Ella?
39:26I had a great time on it. It was an easy conversation.
39:28Sometimes it's a little bit intense.
39:31The questions came thick and fast, but I enjoyed it all the same.
39:34This is great feedback.
39:36And to me, that's Ella.
39:38It does get more normal and slowed down as you get to know me,
39:42I promise.
39:43Well, so, you have circled someone who was fun, a good laugh,
39:48and that circle was around Sam's name.
39:51Ooh, Sam Sam, the Sam and Spath man.
39:54Yeah.
39:55Yeah, there's just that spark.
39:57It was a spark, it was a spark.
39:59But unless Sam selects you, there won't be another date.
40:07And it looks like...
40:14Get on with it, P-Dog.
40:16You circled Ella's name.
40:18Yes! Yes!
40:21Ella reeled in her fish.
40:23Sam, why did you pick Ella?
40:25Like I said, the date was easy, it was easy flowing.
40:27I feel like there's a lot more to find out about you as well.
40:29You're very interesting.
40:30Well, you work in a funeral home, so you're very interesting too.
40:34If you like the smell of formaldehyde and dead people, perfect.
40:38Tomorrow, you two are going on a date.
40:40Tomorrow. Yes!
40:41Excited about that, Sam?
40:42Buzzing, yeah.
40:43Buzzing.
40:44Ella, excited about that?
40:45Yes.
40:46Thank you for not rejecting me.
40:52All right.
40:53Next, we have Helen.
40:55Over to sweet Flanny Adams.
40:57Helen.
40:58So, Helen, how did you find fast flirting?
41:02To be honest with you, I didn't really enjoy the fast flirting today.
41:07No shit, Bowskill?
41:08I'm so sorry, Sam, that I buzzed you so quickly.
41:12You buzzed him?
41:13Yeah, I buzzed you as well.
41:15Wow.
41:17This is interesting.
41:18So, you buzzed half the guys?
41:20So, now, let me go to the gentleman here.
41:22What was it like dating Helen?
41:25I feel like maybe I was prejudged a bit just walking over.
41:27Because as soon as you sat down, it just seemed like you didn't want to be there at all.
41:30Yes, Sam, stick it to the flan.
41:32But there must have been someone she liked.
41:34What's the deal, P-Dog?
41:36There's not one circle on your card.
41:38No.
41:42This is just really difficult,
41:44because I kind of feel like I really have given the agency my heart and soul.
41:48I've been totally honest.
41:50I'm a very, very honest person.
41:52But I did meet someone at home at the beginning of the year.
41:58Are you taking the piss?
42:03I really wanted to join the agency,
42:05because I kind of felt like, obviously, I was in a really long-term relationship,
42:09not much dating experience,
42:11and I really wanted to do this for me,
42:13for me to grow, to find out more about myself.
42:16But it's really hard, because there is somebody at home that I have fallen for.
42:22This is becoming quite difficult for me now,
42:24because, unfortunately, I'm comparing everybody to him,
42:28and it's making it very difficult now when I'm dating.
42:32Pardon?
42:34You've got a boyfriend?
42:36Why on earth did she not tell us about this?
42:39Wow. Wow.
42:40So, can I ask you a question?
42:42Why are you telling us now?
42:44Yeah, flan up, Flanagan.
42:46My feelings have just got stronger,
42:48and things have just got more intense.
42:51Yeah, I actually could see something with this guy at home,
42:55something really quite lovely.
42:57I think I am in love with him.
42:59SHE GASPS
43:00And it's just becoming quite difficult now.
43:05Helen, you absolute player.
43:08I mean, I don't think the agency is the place for you, darling, but wow.
43:13Just to be clear, you have a boyfriend,
43:17who you're in love with,
43:19you have been dating him.
43:22Are those three correct?
43:24So that means you lied to us.
43:31Right?
43:32And that also means you wasted our time.
43:36When our celebs are not honest with us,
43:39it makes our jobs very difficult,
43:41because we need their transparency
43:43in order for us to help them to the best of our ability.
43:46What's most disturbing is that she's been playing all of us.
43:50Like, her dates, everyone here at the agency, the other celebs.
43:53You know, and in one sense, you can call it acting,
43:56in another, it's just lying.
43:59I really did want to join the agency and give everything a fair.
44:03But I think I've actually found something really quite nice,
44:06and I don't know, like, maybe I could bring him in.
44:09Who is this flan? I mean, man, is he a celeb?
44:12Since joining the agency, my relationships got way more intense,
44:16and I just didn't realise how intense as well the agency would be,
44:21and it's just really eaten away at me,
44:24and I just needed to come clean.
44:27Thank you for bringing it to us now,
44:30and this is something that, yeah,
44:32we're going to have to seriously have a think about,
44:35I mean, how you proceed within the agency, if at all.
44:39We're here to serve in transparency and honesty,
44:43and that's something that we'll definitely have to have a conversation about,
44:47and we will talk to you back at the agency, OK?
44:50OK. OK. All right, thanks.
44:53All right, gentlemen...
44:55Oh, shit, I forgot about them.
44:57Thanks, guys. Thank you for joining us today. Thank you.
44:59Yeah, see you later, lads. Good effort. Well played.
45:02All right, ladies, you can take a seat for us. Thank you.
45:05OK, guys.
45:07As always, a brunch is never completely straightforward.
45:10You can say that again, Anna.
45:12We have a lot to think about,
45:14and we will see some of you back in the agency sooner than others, OK?
45:17We'll see you, guys. See you. Thank you.
45:19Take care. Bye. Bye.
45:21What does this mean? Are you going to leave?
45:24You know what, I'm just really honest,
45:26and, like, I couldn't keep it in any longer.
45:28They're going to ask you to leave, Helen.
45:30What, like, what are you doing here?
45:32No, I... He just got more intense. Yeah.
45:36Paul's really scary, though, actually.
45:38When he tells you about how scary he's, Paul...
45:40I need a drink. Me too.
45:42But I'm really honest. I can't help how I feel.
45:45Well, he was honest until tonight.
45:48You're the Helen now, you can see their point.
45:51Has doing this made you realise that you like your boy more?
45:54Well, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
46:01Anyway, I've got to go back to the wife, so...
46:05Come on, then. Plan alive. Let's get the flak out of here.
46:08See you.
46:09Tomorrow night, it's make or break for Helen.
46:13If you lie again, I would not want you to remain in this agency.
46:17Confession time for Ella.
46:19I slept with Rhys, it's really awkward.
46:22And a new celeb joins the agency.
46:25Karl Walker's ex-lover, Lauren Goodman.
46:28I'm so angry at him.
46:30I don't know if I will ever forgive him.
46:35As are celebs.
46:36Wave your arms like you're walking a fart away.
46:38Girls.
46:39Have you knocked one out over me?
46:41Dating.
46:42You're not losing the circulation to your willy, they're so tight.
46:45I don't know about that.
46:49I don't know about that.