Speed Zone (1989) Comedy Adventure

  • 2 days ago
A police chief's attempt to halt a coast-to-coast car race fails when inexperienced drivers sit in for the pros.
Transcript
00:00:00This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to anyone, living or dead, is coincidental and unintentional.
00:00:30This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to anyone, living or dead, is coincidental and unintentional.
00:01:00Street 5 and 8 still in hot pursuit of red Lamborghini.
00:01:04Not so good. We're losing them.
00:01:06No problem. 3-8-24, roadblock has been established.
00:01:193-8-24 still in hot pursuit.
00:01:21He won't get through here.
00:01:23What about that dirt road, Sarge?
00:01:25Hmph. If he takes that, he better have water wings.
00:01:31I can remember when my grandfather taught me how to skip stones.
00:01:35You know what he told me?
00:01:37Always make sure the stone is flat.
00:01:41Exactly.
00:02:01Trying to get away with a perfect crime.
00:02:07Oh, he's a victim of the perfect crime.
00:02:13Kinda don't know what you're gonna do sometime.
00:02:16Trying to get away with a perfect crime.
00:02:22He said, yeah.
00:02:25He said,
00:02:26He said,
00:02:34We got him now.
00:02:56We got him now.
00:03:26Trying to get away with a perfect crime.
00:03:32Kinda don't know what you're gonna do sometime.
00:03:35Trying to get away with a perfect crime.
00:03:44Trying to get away with a perfect crime.
00:03:47Trying to get away with a perfect crime.
00:03:50Trying to get away with a perfect crime.
00:03:54Trying to get away with a perfect crime.
00:03:57Trying to get away with a perfect crime.
00:04:00Trying to get away with a perfect crime.
00:04:03Trying to get away with a perfect crime.
00:04:06Trying to get away with a perfect crime.
00:04:09Trying to get away with a perfect crime.
00:04:12Trying to get away with a perfect crime.
00:04:15Trying to get away with a perfect crime.
00:04:23My arm's getting kinda sore, Grandpa.
00:04:26But you haven't got the angle quite right.
00:04:29Look, it's more like...
00:04:49What's that angle you were talking about, Grandpa?
00:04:54Trying to get away with a perfect crime.
00:04:57Trying to get away with a perfect crime.
00:05:00Trying to get away with a perfect crime.
00:05:03Trying to get away with a perfect crime.
00:05:10Valentino.
00:05:11Valentino, here.
00:05:14I think you're slipping, my friend.
00:05:15No, no, it's good.
00:05:17No, no.
00:05:20The timing is sluggish.
00:05:22The timing.
00:05:23The alignment is off.
00:05:25And the shocks need replacing.
00:05:27Shocks.
00:05:28So we fix, huh?
00:05:30No, no, we don't fix, huh?
00:05:32You fix.
00:05:33I'm gonna go inside here and psych out the competition.
00:05:39This is Jack O'Neill and Heather Scott.
00:05:42And we're here at the pre-race party of the world-famous Cannonball Run.
00:05:46And we're talking to one of the members of last year's winning team.
00:05:53You were saying something about the preparations a driver must make for this kind of race.
00:05:58I was.
00:06:01Yes, you were.
00:06:02Yes, I was.
00:06:05You were telling us about some special training.
00:06:09Training, right.
00:06:10Training is very important.
00:06:12Self-discipline is everything.
00:06:15I understand you're racing in this year's Cannonball.
00:06:17Yes, I am racing in this year's Cannonball.
00:06:20I knew that.
00:06:21Back to New Central.
00:06:24Back to New Central.
00:06:51No.
00:07:06Did you see that?
00:07:07Did you see that?
00:07:10No.
00:07:15Oh, Charlie.
00:07:17Charlie.
00:07:18Hello, Leo.
00:07:20I didn't know you were in there, I swear.
00:07:24You can be so cruel.
00:07:26Why, thank you.
00:07:28Are you all right?
00:07:30Oh, yeah, I'm fine.
00:07:32Oh, he's fine, he's fine.
00:07:33Charlie and I are old friends.
00:07:35He loves it when I pull these stunts on him, right, Charlie?
00:07:37Yeah.
00:07:38Yeah, it's my favorite thing in the whole wide world.
00:07:41Hey, Charlie, what do you think?
00:07:42Tiffany's just become the new Miss BMW.
00:07:46Congratulations.
00:07:47Thanks to a little help from you-know-who.
00:07:52So, Charlie and I are old friends.
00:07:55We went to school together.
00:07:56We got into the car business together.
00:07:58I build them, he parts them.
00:08:04Oh, lighten up, Mr. Scholar.
00:08:06They call him Mr. Scholar.
00:08:07He's still going to school.
00:08:08You're still going to school, aren't you, Charlie?
00:08:10Yeah.
00:08:11Yeah, trying to find himself.
00:08:13I'll see you inside, Leo.
00:08:17It was nice meeting you, Mr. Cronin.
00:08:20I apologize for Leo.
00:08:22I had nothing to do with this.
00:08:24That's okay.
00:08:25It's, it's...
00:08:26I'm used to it.
00:08:28It was nice meeting you, Tiffany.
00:08:30I might change my name to Norma Jean.
00:08:32What do you think?
00:08:35I kind of like Tiffany.
00:08:37Oh.
00:08:38Okay.
00:08:40Okay.
00:08:43Hey, I'll be right there, honey.
00:08:46So, Charlie, I see you're still quite the, uh, ladies' man.
00:08:55So, where's all the race cars?
00:08:57They're parked out back.
00:08:58Really?
00:08:59Well, here.
00:09:00Park mine, will you?
00:09:04Oh, and Cronin.
00:09:05Yeah?
00:09:06You be careful with that car.
00:09:08It hasn't been broken in yet.
00:09:09I'll treat it like it was my own, Leo.
00:09:22Hey!
00:09:23Cronin!
00:09:29I'll kill him!
00:09:31Maniac!
00:09:32You're insane!
00:09:36Cronin!
00:09:39Cronin!
00:09:44Lot's full.
00:09:45I'll leave it here.
00:09:46You know, it should put one scratch on that car.
00:09:50Yeah?
00:09:52Well, it's just a good thing for you that, uh, that you didn't.
00:09:57Yeah.
00:09:58Yeah.
00:10:00Yeah.
00:10:03Yeah.
00:10:10Well, I'm a professional bodybuilder, but I'm sitting acting.
00:10:13I just...
00:10:14Yes, yes.
00:10:15The, the body is the, is the temple of the soul.
00:10:19Drink!
00:10:20Drink!
00:10:21I can't.
00:10:22This is for you.
00:10:23I cannot do it the night before the cannonball runs.
00:10:39Of all your ideas, this is the stupidest.
00:10:41We look like cheap hookers.
00:10:43Oh, now, we do not look cheap.
00:10:46We look like expensive hookers.
00:10:49Besides, guys like this sort of thing.
00:10:51Margaret, we have five PhDs between us.
00:10:54We've made important breakthroughs in automotive technology.
00:10:57Why can't we just go out there and do an intelligent presentation of our discoveries?
00:11:01Why do we have to look like bimbos?
00:11:04Because we'll be talking to men.
00:11:06And first we gotta get their attention.
00:11:09Yeah, and then what, huh?
00:11:11Then they become slobbering, puerile pigs.
00:11:35Big!
00:11:36You're in big trouble, Alec.
00:11:38I'm gonna kill you.
00:11:47Look, um, I know Big Wally and, um, he'd never say kill.
00:11:53He probably said call.
00:11:55That's it.
00:11:56He said call, Alec, and you thought he said kill, Alec.
00:12:02Isn't that silly?
00:12:08Let's get out of here, too.
00:12:12Well, now, we have a number of products I know you're gonna like, Mr. Biggold, but...
00:12:18Why don't you call me Gus?
00:12:20All right, Gus.
00:12:22But one of the things I know you're gonna love is our Fuzz Buster.
00:12:27This just isn't any old Fuzz Buster, Gus.
00:12:30No, it's the best Fuzz Buster ever made.
00:12:33It identifies a particular molecule unique only to police uniforms.
00:12:39I call it the polyester cork.
00:12:42It's on every cop in America.
00:12:43See, what our machine does is it not only picks up the radar, it picks up the cops, too.
00:12:47You know, their clothes, their shoes, their scars, hats, ties.
00:12:51Now, what he's discovered is that...
00:12:53See, I don't think I'd really be doing my job for a Ferrari if I didn't take a long, hard look at that equipment of yours.
00:13:00Well, it's right out in the car.
00:13:02Why don't I... Why don't Lee and I just scoot on out there and get it?
00:13:06You know, it's so noisy in here.
00:13:08Why don't you go and get it and then bring it back to my room and we'll take a look at it there?
00:13:13I'm at 122.
00:13:16122?
00:13:19Come on, Lee. Grab your coat, dear.
00:13:22What would Big Wally rather have, me dead or his 50 grand?
00:13:25Both.
00:13:27Vic, this is my big shot. I've got a thousand on the Jaguar to win.
00:13:30What, are you betting on car races?
00:13:33You never learn, do you, Alec?
00:13:35Look, how many years have I been placing bets with Big Wally?
00:13:39Eight.
00:13:40Eight.
00:13:41Eight years.
00:13:42Okay, now give me a head.
00:13:45Two.
00:13:46Now, tell me something.
00:13:49Now, give me a head.
00:13:51Two.
00:13:52Now, I haven't won in eight years.
00:13:54Now, how many months are there in a year?
00:13:56Twelve.
00:13:57Right. Eight times twelve is...
00:14:00What, is this a quiz or something?
00:14:02Eight times twelve is...
00:14:05Six.
00:14:06Right.
00:14:07From there, flip over here.
00:14:09Now, the odds on the Jaguar are 100 to 1.
00:14:10Take the 96 from here, put it over here, subtract from the 100 and you end up with...
00:14:13Sounds like Dinah Shore. Shut the door.
00:14:15Four.
00:14:16Right.
00:14:18Their odds are 100, my odds are four.
00:14:20Vic, I can win that race even if that car blows four tires and an engine.
00:14:28The guy's a dink.
00:14:30Honey, he's all we got.
00:14:32I just don't want to put my future into the hands of some scuzzball.
00:14:35I'm telling you, the guy's a dink.
00:14:37Look, will you relax?
00:14:39With our gadgets in his car, he can't lose.
00:14:42This is no way to present a scientific breakthrough, Margaret.
00:14:46If we're to get out to the right people,
00:14:48they'll bankroll us and we'll become millionaires.
00:14:52Come on in, it's open.
00:14:56You girls bring the device?
00:14:58Yeah, one fuzzbuster coming up.
00:15:00Take those glasses off.
00:15:04Can you join me in the jacuzzi?
00:15:12That's strange.
00:15:14That only happens when there's cops around.
00:15:17What you all got underneath that towel?
00:15:21Nothing.
00:15:24You're right about that.
00:15:44I am a man with a lustful appetite.
00:15:48To the cannonballers!
00:16:14All right, gentlemen, the eagle has landed.
00:16:38Everybody, hands up, and drop your keys.
00:16:51We're here live with Spiro Edsel.
00:16:53Chief Spiro Edsel, president of the Fraternal Order of Police Chiefs of the United States of America.
00:16:59Chief, in conducting this raid, aren't you arresting people before they break the law?
00:17:04Preemptive strike. Why wait till the snake bites before you blow its head off?
00:17:09I want my lawyer.
00:17:10Get out of here. Get in there.
00:17:14Tell your lawyer he'll be seeing Judge Henry.
00:17:17Judge Henry, the hanging judge?
00:17:19When he's through with him, there'll be the appellate court, and then the state court, and then the Supreme Court.
00:17:26This scum is mine for the next three years.
00:17:29The cannonball is history.
00:17:41Yep.
00:17:48You don't understand. They arrested all the drivers and took their cars, but they still ran the race anyway.
00:17:53It cost me $1,000 American dollars to get back the Lamborghini.
00:17:57I'm at the police station right now.
00:18:00Donato, listen to my lips. We don't have a driver.
00:18:04Bastard. I don't care what you say. I'm coming home.
00:18:11You wouldn't do that. Not to your own brother.
00:18:16Donato. Donato!
00:18:22Excuse me.
00:18:26Wrong way.
00:18:36Paul Newman's making a movie.
00:18:38Where are we gonna find a driver?
00:18:41Waltrip is racing in Atlanta.
00:18:44Jackie Stewart isn't racing anymore.
00:18:50What are you doing? What are you doing?
00:18:52My nails.
00:18:54There isn't going to be a race.
00:18:56Heather.
00:18:57This important moment in history has been permanently canceled.
00:19:00Heather.
00:19:01I know it's a real tragedy for you, Jack.
00:19:02You don't understand these people, do you?
00:19:04Jack.
00:19:05They are not gonna let some dumb cop screw up their race.
00:19:07Jack, it's over. We are going home.
00:19:10No, it isn't. A.C. unpack. We are not leaving.
00:19:15A.C. pack. We are leaving. Jack!
00:19:19Spit it, Alec!
00:19:21There ain't no race, Alec, so I gotta kill you.
00:19:24I can't let you do it, Vic. You'll hate yourself in the morning.
00:19:33Vic.
00:19:35I was just kidding.
00:19:42Now just relax, Alec.
00:19:44I don't want to die, Vic. I'll get the money back somewhere.
00:19:46Don't fight back.
00:19:50Smack your neck real clean.
00:19:52Help! Help!
00:19:55No, Vic. Not the belt.
00:19:57Let's talk about this, Vic.
00:20:00No, Alec, no!
00:20:02Come on, Vic.
00:20:03Take it like a man.
00:20:06What are you doing?
00:20:08Give me my pants.
00:20:10Let go of the pants.
00:20:14Wait.
00:20:21Sorry.
00:20:23Clyde!
00:20:25It's me, Alec.
00:20:31Is that you?
00:20:32How do you mean?
00:20:33That's good, actually. This bloody race thing is driving me around the bend.
00:20:37Really?
00:20:38First it's on, then it's off, then it's on again.
00:20:41Alec, begin to introduce me to your friend.
00:20:46Sorry.
00:20:47Clyde Barrington.
00:20:48This is Vic.
00:20:50DeRubis.
00:20:52DeRubis.
00:20:53I'm from the house of DeRubis.
00:20:57Vic's my dear Clyde. He was just checking my neck size.
00:21:03So, you're saying they're still going to run the race?
00:21:05Tomorrow morning, as scheduled.
00:21:07Then the Jag's still running?
00:21:08Still running. It's the best car we've ever entered.
00:21:1012 cylinder, 262 horsepower, 5.3 litre engine.
00:21:13New electronics, new fuel management system.
00:21:16Well, the damn thing can go 145 miles an hour.
00:21:19And they're letting us go off at 100 to 1.
00:21:22Hey, you really think you can win that thing?
00:21:24Well, actually, no. Not without a driver.
00:21:26Home office won't let me use a yank.
00:21:28And since Alec and I are the only Englishmen here,
00:21:31you don't happen to be a professional driver, do you?
00:21:34Well, not since the Albanian Grand Prix.
00:21:3674th.
00:21:37Finished second.
00:21:39Really?
00:21:41Somebody beat you in Albania?
00:21:43Look, it's impossible.
00:21:46You're right. Every team here is in the same boat.
00:21:50Well, how am I supposed to find another driver in five hours?
00:21:53Forget it. I've tried everybody.
00:21:56I tried him. He doesn't like me.
00:21:59I tried him. He doesn't like me.
00:22:01Look, I don't want to get into my personal problems on the phone, okay?
00:22:06Well, what do you want me to do?
00:22:07You want me to grab any more on off the street?
00:22:09You want me to drive your car in the race?
00:22:13I've got a lot of confidence in you, Charlie.
00:22:16I always thought you didn't like me.
00:22:22Whoa.
00:22:24Now, that is weird.
00:22:25That's very weird, because I always thought that you didn't like me.
00:22:29How about that?
00:22:31I don't.
00:22:32You don't?
00:22:34No.
00:22:37Whoa.
00:22:39What?
00:22:40No, it's, uh...
00:22:43It's just I've always considered you my closest and dearest friend, Charlie.
00:22:46You can't mean that.
00:22:48Come on, you're not serious.
00:22:50You know I hate you.
00:22:52No, didn't get it.
00:22:53Come on.
00:22:54Leo, I've always hated you.
00:22:56Why do you think I played all those tricks on you, Charlie?
00:22:58Because, you know, I thought you were buddy enough to handle it.
00:23:02Otherwise, I wouldn't have done it.
00:23:03You know, I'm hurt.
00:23:05I'm really, really hurt.
00:23:10You're serious, aren't you?
00:23:12You really thought we were friends.
00:23:16Hey, Leo, I am so sorry.
00:23:20No, I am.
00:23:21I feel terrible.
00:23:22Please, I'm...
00:23:24You know what?
00:23:26Forgotten.
00:23:27Yeah.
00:23:29We're friends.
00:23:31Helping friends.
00:23:32Isn't that what it's all about, Charlie?
00:23:34Yeah, right.
00:23:36Can I buy you a drink, friend?
00:23:38Yeah.
00:23:39Yeah.
00:23:40Sal, what are you having, friend?
00:23:43Whatever you're having.
00:23:44Bourbon and Clamato.
00:23:48You okay?
00:23:49No, I'm fine.
00:23:50So, Gussie, huh?
00:23:52Looks like you're down to no chips here, huh, pal?
00:23:55What my friend is trying to tell you is that you've got two terrific carvers right under your cute little nose.
00:23:59Yeah, yeah, okay.
00:24:00You girls have had your little joke, all right?
00:24:02What you don't understand is this is a very sophisticated piece of equipment.
00:24:05And I can't entrust it to a couple of broads.
00:24:08You know what I'm saying?
00:24:09Excuse me.
00:24:10Hey, your electronic toys are terrific, you know?
00:24:13But this race is the real thing.
00:24:17Get him.
00:24:20Okay, stop fooling around.
00:24:21Let me out of the car.
00:24:30Okay, you can drive.
00:24:37You can drive.
00:24:38You can drive.
00:24:53Don't worry, Leo, old buddy.
00:24:55I'm gonna take good care of it for you.
00:24:56Yeah, that's good, Charlie.
00:24:57Where's your passenger?
00:24:59Passenger?
00:25:00Hold on a minute.
00:25:01Hold on a minute, Leo.
00:25:02You didn't say anything about a passenger, all right?
00:25:05I drive alone.
00:25:06That's the deal.
00:25:07I don't want some goof sitting next to me all the way to California.
00:25:09Throwing my timing right off.
00:25:10Ah, there she is.
00:25:11She who?
00:25:12Your passenger, Tiffany.
00:25:14Tiffany?
00:25:15Mind you, another person in the car would be company.
00:25:27Tiffany, honey.
00:25:29You remember Charlie, our driver?
00:25:32Hello again, Mr. Cronin.
00:25:35Hello.
00:25:36Hello.
00:25:37Hello.
00:25:39Charlie, you remember Tiffany?
00:25:40Yes.
00:25:41Yes.
00:25:43Oatmeal.
00:25:44I forgot to add the water.
00:25:47Leo, I need to talk to you.
00:25:54Margaret, would you make sure the organic vehicular mode's secured, please?
00:25:58No problem.
00:25:59Want to hand me that ratchet?
00:26:00Oh, never mind.
00:26:01I see it.
00:26:03See, I told you to trust me.
00:26:05We got our race.
00:26:06We're gonna be rich.
00:26:08And you got rid of those ridiculous glasses.
00:26:12I've been thinking about what you said last night.
00:26:15And I just don't feel right.
00:26:17Sweetheart, all I said was that I have certain needs.
00:26:21And I'm attracted to you.
00:26:23And when you don't put out, you know, I mean, really.
00:26:26But you're married.
00:26:28In name only.
00:26:29The lawyers are drawing up the papers as we speak.
00:26:32I just don't feel right.
00:26:33Honey, honey, honey.
00:26:35I got you your Miss BMW title.
00:26:37You got some nice little prizes, didn't you?
00:26:39Yeah.
00:26:40I got you a contract for a hit TV show.
00:26:42I mean, you owe me.
00:26:48You know, I scratch your back.
00:26:50And you can scratch whatever the hell you like.
00:26:53Want to open the trunk?
00:26:55Yeah, sure.
00:27:15Now, come on.
00:27:16I love California.
00:27:18You're gonna have your own little place.
00:27:20It'll be great.
00:27:22Honey, trust me.
00:27:28Leo.
00:27:29What?
00:27:35Hey, pal.
00:27:36I know it's none of my business.
00:27:38Is everything all right there?
00:27:40You're right.
00:27:41It's none of your business.
00:27:42Is there anything else about my personal life you want to know?
00:27:45Yeah.
00:27:46Is this job for real or what?
00:27:48Oh, Charlie.
00:27:50You don't trust me.
00:27:52I didn't say that.
00:27:53No, no, no, no, no.
00:27:54Why don't you take some steel spikes and just drive them into my chest?
00:27:57Come on.
00:27:58I didn't mean that.
00:27:59No, you like hurting me.
00:28:00I don't like hurting you.
00:28:01All right?
00:28:02I used to.
00:28:03I don't anymore.
00:28:04I quit my job.
00:28:05I'm a little nervous.
00:28:06That's all.
00:28:07The man's making 200 G's a year.
00:28:08He's the official driver for BMW.
00:28:09He's got a place in Malibu.
00:28:11I mean, come on.
00:28:12Things are moving a little fast for me.
00:28:14You know, I'm not used to this kind of thing.
00:28:16Hey, pal.
00:28:17Welcome to the real world.
00:28:18I guess.
00:28:19Go ahead.
00:28:20Tell him.
00:28:21Welcome to the real world.
00:28:22Really?
00:28:234S60.
00:28:24Lovely.
00:28:25Good.
00:28:26Good.
00:28:32Alec?
00:28:35Did you talk to Big Wally?
00:28:36Yeah, yeah.
00:28:37I told him you got away on me.
00:28:39He was very unhappy.
00:28:41Trust me.
00:28:42It's the brightest move you ever made.
00:28:44Yeah.
00:28:45Well, meanwhile, my reputation as an enforcer has been permanently soiled.
00:28:48But when we win, you just say you caught up with me and I gave you the 50 grand.
00:28:51Then we split the other 50 grand and everyone's happy.
00:28:54Hey, wait a minute.
00:28:56The deal is I get 35, you get 15.
00:28:59Isn't that what I just said?
00:29:01You just said we'd split it.
00:29:02But I didn't say we split it evenly.
00:29:04You get 15 and I get 35.
00:29:06Right.
00:29:07Right.
00:29:09And if we don't win?
00:29:11Then you kill me.
00:29:14Right.
00:29:15Right.
00:29:24Is it finished?
00:29:25It's finished.
00:29:26Listen to this.
00:29:30Looks great, too.
00:29:32What's going on?
00:29:34We are going to be in the cannonball.
00:29:36What?
00:29:37We're going to broadcast the whole race live.
00:29:39That's it.
00:29:40I'm phoning Duncan.
00:29:41No, no.
00:29:42Wait, wait, wait.
00:29:43Listen.
00:29:44I already cleared this with Duncan.
00:29:45Uh, babe, he smells Pulitzer.
00:29:47Duncan would never go for this.
00:29:49You think I'm lying?
00:29:51Yes.
00:29:54Why don't we just phone Duncan then, huh?
00:29:57Okay.
00:29:58Let's phone Duncan.
00:30:00Okay.
00:30:02Come on.
00:30:04All right.
00:30:05All right.
00:30:06All right.
00:30:13Hi, Duncan.
00:30:14Yeah, it's me, Jack.
00:30:16Did I wake you up?
00:30:17Hello?
00:30:18You're going to have to speak up.
00:30:20I can't hear you.
00:30:21Who was calling?
00:30:22Yes.
00:30:23Yeah, yeah.
00:30:24AC did that something special to the van.
00:30:26We're ready to go.
00:30:27We just have one problem.
00:30:29Heather doesn't want to do it.
00:30:30I didn't think.
00:30:32Now I'm getting a different story.
00:30:36No, no.
00:30:37She didn't say she wouldn't do it.
00:30:41No, I don't think she's wearing one.
00:30:45What did he want?
00:30:46He said he had AC do something special to the van,
00:30:50but Heather still didn't want to do it.
00:30:54Yeah.
00:30:55I'll tell her.
00:30:58Duncan said...
00:31:00Yeah.
00:31:01Okay.
00:31:07All right, folks.
00:31:08We're going to start the race now.
00:31:12Now, you all know the rules.
00:31:14You punch in when you start.
00:31:16You punch out when you hit the Santa Monica pier.
00:31:26Chuck!
00:31:27Hey, thank you.
00:31:29Have a nice day.
00:31:30The van slams?
00:31:32The van slams.
00:31:33The van slams.
00:31:34The van slams.
00:31:35The van slams.
00:31:36The van what?
00:31:37They've got more money than God's accountant.
00:31:39Champion downhill skiers, two Olympic gold medals.
00:31:43It's them, all right.
00:31:46There might be a story hereafter.
00:31:49Pulitzer, babe.
00:31:50Pulitzer.
00:31:53Driving the Excalibur,
00:31:55Betty Jo Hilton.
00:32:00In the Ferrari,
00:32:02Lee Roberts.
00:32:05In the Alfa Romeo,
00:32:07Ryan Torres.
00:32:13Donato, Mr. Bigshaw.
00:32:15I told you we couldn't get another driver,
00:32:17but you never listened to me.
00:32:21Number 43, Richard Petty.
00:32:28This is going to be fun.
00:32:30Yeah.
00:32:33Great.
00:32:36Are you sorry you're not going home?
00:32:38I wouldn't go for a million, billion dollars.
00:32:42A great body is a terrible thing to waste.
00:32:46Sobby, I give up racing.
00:32:52Ranjit Josh,
00:32:54Valentino,
00:32:56Rosen, Rosen,
00:32:58Rosati.
00:33:05Please.
00:33:06Mama.
00:33:07Don't do this to me.
00:33:09No.
00:33:16Move over.
00:33:18Move over.
00:33:20Please, mister.
00:33:21It's not my fault.
00:33:22My brother Donato, he make me do this.
00:33:25Please, mister.
00:33:26Don't put me in jail with the Manson family.
00:33:30Is your seatbelt on?
00:33:32Put your hands on the dashboard.
00:33:35Come on, we got some catching up to do.
00:34:05Radio.
00:34:07Turn up my jump.
00:34:10With a rocket.
00:34:13To the radio.
00:34:15Radio.
00:34:36Okay, baby, let's go to work.
00:34:39How about we start off with a few green lights?
00:34:50Now, let's separate the man from the girl.
00:34:54Time for round.
00:35:01This is not a problem, I've got it under control.
00:35:04Whoa.
00:35:17So long, D.C.
00:35:19Hello, L.A.
00:35:23Um, what are you doing?
00:35:26I mean, are you crazy?
00:35:28Relax, we've got plenty of time.
00:35:30I've got a brilliant idea.
00:35:31Well, so far, I don't like it.
00:35:33Well, so far, you haven't even heard it.
00:35:35Okay, what is it?
00:35:36I'll tell you when we get to the airport.
00:35:39Airport?
00:35:41What airport?
00:35:42The Dulles Airport.
00:35:45Are we going to Fresno?
00:35:47Fresno? Who said anything about Fresno?
00:35:49Did I say anything about Fresno?
00:35:50You said the Dulles Airport.
00:35:51The Dulles Airport I know is in Fresno.
00:35:53I didn't say Dulles.
00:35:54I said Dulles, Dulles.
00:35:56Read my lips.
00:36:03Hello?
00:36:10Hello?
00:36:11Virginia Highway Patrol?
00:36:12Yes, sir.
00:36:13Uh, this here is Wardle Fleen up in Alexandria.
00:36:17Yes, sir, well, I'd like to report a stolen car, please.
00:36:20Yes, it's a Cadillac Convertible.
00:36:23It's white.
00:36:25Kind of a Betty White.
00:36:28Betty White.
00:36:33It's a red Fiero and it ran over my grandson.
00:36:42It's a white Excalibur and all my wallpaper camels were in the back.
00:36:45Come on, officer, live up to that badge.
00:36:48So, Vic, what do you think of my idea now of writing down the license plate numbers, hmm?
00:36:53Yeah, that's a good idea.
00:36:54How many times are you going to bring it up?
00:36:56Uh, the license plate is as follows.
00:36:59R-I-C-H.
00:37:01I think that spells rich.
00:37:03Kids.
00:37:04With a K.
00:37:05For kids.
00:37:07Why are we going to Vegas?
00:37:08Because we don't have to be in L.A. till tomorrow afternoon at the earliest.
00:37:12So why spend the night? It's so boring.
00:37:15It is boring, yeah.
00:37:16So we play a little craps, see some old friends.
00:37:18And make some new friends.
00:37:20Make some new friends.
00:37:21Tomorrow we go to the airport, fly to L.A., pick up the other Bentley.
00:37:25The other Bentley.
00:37:26Drive across the finish line refreshed, relaxed, and with hours to spare.
00:37:31Why'd I doubt you?
00:37:33Will you forgive me?
00:37:34Remember, you're a Vance Sloan.
00:37:36Well, so are you.
00:37:38Vance Sloans never have to ask for forgiveness.
00:37:41That's right, we buy it.
00:37:43We buy it, that's right.
00:37:45You really want to win this thing, don't you?
00:37:56Oh, yeah.
00:37:57I mean, winning the cannonball, that's something you tell your grandkids about.
00:38:01You're a grandfather?
00:38:03You look so young.
00:38:05Oh, I'm not a grandfather, I'm...
00:38:08That's just a figure of speech.
00:38:10I'd like to have grandchildren one day, but I'm not a grandfather now.
00:38:14Oh.
00:38:16Silly me.
00:38:18I see what you mean.
00:38:20Sorry.
00:38:21That's okay.
00:38:23It's important to have things in your life that are, you know, important.
00:38:32But of course, there are things that you want to do.
00:38:35But to do them, you've got to do things that you don't want to do.
00:38:39But I don't like dogs.
00:38:42I have a congenital allergy, it's nothing personal.
00:38:45That little dog is going to get you elected to the Senate.
00:38:47It's like Richard Nixon's checker speech.
00:38:50Richard Nixon is my idol.
00:38:52America loves dogs, Spiro Edsel loves dogs.
00:38:55Ah, Spiro Edsel.
00:38:57A real American with a Mexican chihuahua.
00:39:01I like it.
00:39:02Wait a minute, this dog could be a possible illegal alien.
00:39:06That's good, Chief, that's great.
00:39:07It shows that you're very open to the good neighbor policy.
00:39:10Right.
00:39:11International diplomacy.
00:39:12I love it.
00:39:13We'll get some shots of this.
00:39:15There we are, Chief.
00:39:16Very nice.
00:39:17Have some fun with it.
00:39:18Have some fun, there we go.
00:39:19Now show them you mean business.
00:39:21Don't be afraid to let a little bit of that Edsel warmth shine through.
00:39:24Chief!
00:39:25What?
00:39:26What?
00:39:27Didn't I tell you to hold all calls?
00:39:28But the cannonballers, it's all over the TV.
00:39:31They're racing again.
00:39:33I'll crush them.
00:39:34I'll polarize them.
00:39:35I'll wipe them off the face of the map.
00:39:38Right.
00:39:39No one messes with Spiro Edsel.
00:39:41Let the word go forth from this time and this place.
00:39:44Shoot this shooter.
00:39:46The torch has been put to a new generation.
00:39:51I got goose bumps.
00:39:57Do you ever worry about the axle?
00:40:01The axle?
00:40:02It can suddenly just snap in half like a twig.
00:40:06No, no.
00:40:07The axle is the strongest part of the whole car.
00:40:09Yeah, but it could have some kind of flaw in it.
00:40:12Something they forgot in the factory.
00:40:15No, I don't think so.
00:40:17I wouldn't worry about it.
00:40:18It's not going to happen.
00:40:21Oh, no!
00:40:22What?
00:40:23Do you ever worry about the other cars?
00:40:27What about the other cars?
00:40:28They say a lot of people commit suicide in their cars.
00:40:32They just go out into the highway and drive into the oncoming traffic.
00:40:37It's all over.
00:40:41You're a barrel of laughs, aren't you?
00:40:44What if a tire blows?
00:40:47At this speed, we could be dead.
00:40:48You want to lighten up, huh?
00:40:52All right, I guess maybe we could blow a tire.
00:40:55And maybe the axle could snap.
00:40:57And maybe some nut could come running right into us.
00:40:59And maybe the world could end.
00:41:01But you and me worrying about it isn't going to make any difference.
00:41:04Let me tell you something else.
00:41:06You're really bumming me out with all this paranoid stuff.
00:41:09You understand?
00:41:10Look, if I'm going to win this race, I've got to be loose.
00:41:13I must be relaxed.
00:41:14And I'm getting too tense now.
00:41:15You're getting me all nervous.
00:41:16I can't breathe.
00:41:17I'm sorry.
00:41:18It's okay, it's okay.
00:41:19I've got asthma.
00:41:20I just...
00:41:21You get me tense, and I'm like...
00:41:23Look, I...
00:41:25You know what your problem is, if you don't mind my saying so?
00:41:27You've got too much going on upstairs.
00:41:29You're too busy in your thoughts.
00:41:30You've got to relax.
00:41:31You've got to learn to settle down.
00:41:33I don't know how to relax.
00:41:34Well, breathe.
00:41:35That's always...
00:41:36I read somewhere that's very good for you.
00:41:38In your nose and out your mouth.
00:41:39Deep breaths.
00:41:40Find a center somewhere in your body and focus on it.
00:41:43It's an eastern thing.
00:41:45But you've got to...
00:41:46In and out, in and out, breathing.
00:41:48Because you're too tense.
00:41:49You're too wrapped up.
00:41:50You've got to focus on this race.
00:41:54I don't mean to yell at you or anything like that.
00:41:57Tiffany?
00:42:00Tiffany, I'm sorry.
00:42:01I didn't mean to...
00:42:03You all right?
00:42:06Holy smokes.
00:42:07It works.
00:42:13Go on, Lurleen.
00:42:14Give her a little gas.
00:42:16I'm sorry, Mr. Denson.
00:42:17I'm just not real secure yet with my driving.
00:42:20No, no, no.
00:42:21Come on.
00:42:22This is an American-built vehicle.
00:42:23It practically drives itself.
00:42:25Put a little pressure on your tootsie there.
00:42:26Watch it.
00:42:27Go ahead.
00:42:28See that?
00:42:29Go for it.
00:42:30That's it.
00:42:32What's this?
00:42:33What's this?
00:42:34A Volvo.
00:42:35A Volvo!
00:42:36Pass it.
00:42:37Pass it.
00:42:38Pass it.
00:42:39Step on the gas.
00:42:40Pass it.
00:42:41Pass it.
00:42:42Lower it.
00:42:45Why don't you go back to Sweden, you bunch of yodelers?
00:42:50No Swede is going to pass an American.
00:42:52It does have a lot of power.
00:42:54Power?
00:42:55Listen, honey, I know your dad.
00:42:57I want you to drive an American vehicle, okay?
00:43:00Hell, you get 30,000-mile warranty,
00:43:02and I'm not talking about your kilograms or your liters
00:43:05or your Celsius or any of that foreign fake crap.
00:43:09Go ahead.
00:43:10Put your foot down a little more.
00:43:14Italians!
00:43:15Step on it.
00:43:17Go, go.
00:43:18Bear down, woman.
00:43:19Bear down.
00:43:21You're probably mafia.
00:43:24Oh, shoot them, the cops.
00:43:26Cops?
00:43:28Some friend you turned out to be.
00:43:30Step on it.
00:43:31Pass it.
00:43:32Lower it.
00:43:33They're a bunch of garlic eaters.
00:43:36Oh, darn cops.
00:43:38Pass it.
00:43:39Pass it.
00:43:40Come on, come on.
00:43:41Arrivederci!
00:43:43Yeah, well, my name might not be a pal.
00:43:50Don't worry.
00:43:51I can catch them.
00:43:53Come on, baby.
00:43:54Go, go, go.
00:43:56Easy now.
00:43:58Okay, pick the foot up.
00:44:00We're doing over 90 volumes.
00:44:02I can do it.
00:44:03I can do it.
00:44:05All right, slow down now, babe.
00:44:07Like you said, we gotta get those Italians.
00:44:09Actually, I think that was an American vehicle.
00:44:12That was a Chevy.
00:44:13Yes, that was a Chevy Nova.
00:44:15That's what that was, a Chevy Nova.
00:44:17Slow down.
00:44:18I think we should pass it just in case.
00:44:21I don't think so.
00:44:22I definitely don't think so.
00:44:25Let's go.
00:44:29Slow down.
00:44:30Slow down.
00:44:32Slowly.
00:44:34Slow down.
00:44:42That was a Chevy Nova?
00:44:44Yeah, that was a Chevy Nova.
00:44:46Did they make a pickup truck?
00:44:52Yeah.
00:45:08You missed it.
00:45:09All right, I'm driving.
00:45:10What?
00:45:11Come on.
00:45:13Come on.
00:45:14Too sweet.
00:45:15Nick, you speak French.
00:45:17Just hang on.
00:45:18Come on.
00:45:22What are you going to do?
00:45:23I'm going to take matters into my own hands.
00:45:27You think I can't swim?
00:45:30You're a maniac.
00:45:34Look, there's a bird nesting.
00:45:37What?
00:45:48Piece of cake.
00:45:51You're in some kind of hurry, aren't you?
00:45:53Yeah, you got a problem with that?
00:46:03My good man.
00:46:04How would you like to earn $100?
00:46:08What?
00:46:09Some friends of ours will be arriving on the other side very shortly,
00:46:12and we'd like you to stall them.
00:46:14Sort of a joke.
00:46:22No, I can't do it.
00:46:23It's against regulations.
00:46:25$200?
00:46:27Regulations.
00:46:28$300.
00:46:32It's against regulations.
00:46:34Regulate.
00:46:39Regulations.
00:46:46Okay, my friend.
00:46:52Well, not how I would have handled it.
00:46:56Good work.
00:46:58Bye-bye.
00:47:00Let's go.
00:47:01I'll drive.
00:47:02All right.
00:47:03You drive.
00:47:11Are we supposed to be in this race, Jude?
00:47:14We haven't seen anybody for about two hours.
00:47:19Here they are.
00:47:20What did I tell you?
00:47:21Here they are.
00:47:22What did I tell you?
00:47:23Here they are.
00:47:24Here they are.
00:47:25Here they are.
00:47:26What did I tell you?
00:47:29Now where are they going?
00:47:32Casey, are you crazy?
00:47:56$200?
00:47:57Regulations.
00:47:58Regulations.
00:47:59Regulations.
00:48:00Regulations.
00:48:01Regulations.
00:48:02Regulations.
00:48:03Regulations.
00:48:04Regulations.
00:48:05Regulations.
00:48:06Regulations.
00:48:07Regulations.
00:48:08Regulations.
00:48:09Regulations.
00:48:10Regulations.
00:48:11Regulations.
00:48:12Regulations.
00:48:13Regulations.
00:48:14Regulations.
00:48:15Regulations.
00:48:16Regulations.
00:48:17Regulations.
00:48:18Regulations.
00:48:19Regulations.
00:48:20Regulations.
00:48:21Regulations.
00:48:22Regulations.
00:48:23Regulations.
00:48:24Regulations.
00:48:25Regulations.
00:48:26Regulations.
00:48:27Regulations.
00:48:28Regulations.
00:48:29Regulations.
00:48:30Regulations.
00:48:31Regulations.
00:48:43Holy shit!
00:48:51What is that guy trying to do?
00:48:54So, what you do with your money?
00:49:03Women?
00:49:04Liquor?
00:49:05Gumbly?
00:49:06Bread and water balance.
00:49:07I'm a cop, remember?
00:49:08So what?
00:49:09You don't get no bribes, huh?
00:49:13Nobody offers.
00:49:14So go pick up in New York, Chicago, huh?
00:49:18Chicago.
00:49:19Chicago.
00:49:20So long, suckers!
00:49:26He's touching us!
00:49:30Hey!
00:49:32Hold on.
00:49:36Hey!
00:49:38I thought this car was supposed to be fast!
00:49:59I just thought of something, Alec, and I just want you to answer yes or no.
00:50:16You don't have anything planned for after this race, do you?
00:50:23Keep your mind on your work.
00:50:29That's all you gotta do.
00:50:33Just keep your mind on the road.
00:50:37On the road.
00:50:38Just, just...
00:50:39Oh, boy.
00:50:40Oh.
00:50:41What the hell?
00:50:52Uh-oh.
00:50:59Oh, no.
00:51:14Oh, no.
00:51:28Oh!
00:51:29Oh, jeez.
00:51:44What are you doing?
00:51:46Uh, cigarette.
00:51:47Cigarette.
00:51:48Uh...
00:51:49What the hell is his problem?
00:51:51Speaking of problems, what were you doing?
00:51:54The end of my cigarette.
00:51:55It fell between your legs, and I was trying to get it before it burned you.
00:51:59Go ahead, take a look.
00:52:06All right, just, just hold on.
00:52:07I'll lose this nut.
00:52:09We'll pull over somewhere.
00:52:12Oh, no.
00:52:14Now what?
00:52:15The engine overheated.
00:52:17That makes the two of us.
00:52:19We're losing power.
00:52:24This guy's crazy, Charlie.
00:52:27The heater.
00:52:28The heater.
00:52:29Yeah, the heater.
00:52:30It'll blow the heat out of the engine, maybe cool it down.
00:52:34Charlie, did the thing happen?
00:52:41Yeah.
00:52:43Yeah?
00:52:44Yeah.
00:52:46You did it, Charlie.
00:52:53All right, let's...
00:52:54What are you doing?
00:52:55Close the window.
00:52:56Oh, please, Charlie.
00:52:57No.
00:52:58Just a little bit.
00:52:59Didn't you see what happened?
00:53:01Don't make me pay.
00:53:05Okay, just a little bit.
00:53:07But just a little.
00:53:09That feels good, Charlie.
00:53:16Here we go, Chief.
00:53:25Showtime.
00:53:29Excellent.
00:53:33As you can see, the cannonballers are fanning out, but not the lawn.
00:53:45I'm shutting down every highway in the country, except for one road.
00:53:50Interstate 70, the American northern route.
00:53:55Baker, California.
00:53:58That's where they're headed, but they don't know it yet.
00:54:01But I know it.
00:54:03And we'll all be there to greet them with cars, tanks, ammo, shoppers,
00:54:11and television and radio and newspapers, right, white man?
00:54:15Absolutely, Chief.
00:54:16Yeah, Whitman.
00:54:17Whitman, right.
00:54:18Worldwide coverage.
00:54:20All there to see me wipe the cannonball off the face of God's green earth.
00:54:32Oh, say can you see by the dawn's early light.
00:54:43All units, we're closing down our westbound highway.
00:54:46Diver traffic to round 80.
00:54:49Round 80.
00:54:50Got to go around.
00:54:51Round 80 this way.
00:55:10Sorry, folks.
00:55:11Bridge collapsed up ahead.
00:55:12Really?
00:55:14You know, we've been listening to the news on the radio, and they haven't said anything about it.
00:55:18No rain.
00:55:19There's no wind.
00:55:20Just all oars.
00:55:21Yeah, so how do we get around?
00:55:24Well, you can hang a left.
00:55:26Thank you.
00:55:28Hey, what are you doing?
00:55:31Come back here.
00:55:32Jack, what are you doing?
00:55:34There's something sour here.
00:55:35I just got a hunch.
00:55:36Right.
00:55:37A cop is going to stand in the middle of armpit Kansas just to lie to you.
00:55:43You see?
00:55:44I told you.
00:55:45Good call, Mr. O'Neil.
00:55:47Thanks, kid.
00:55:48It's just a little something I like to call instinct.
00:55:51All the great reporters have it.
00:55:53But it's more than that.
00:55:54It's a...
00:55:55What's the word?
00:55:56Brakes!
00:56:01Pursuit of a red Lamborghini proceeding west on I-70 at high speed.
00:56:05Roger, unit 34.
00:56:06Come on, baby.
00:56:08Let's catch us some Lamborghini.
00:56:39Yeah, Rhino Cowboy, this is Red Dog on your tail.
00:56:55I'm trying to lose a smokey.
00:56:56Can you help me out?
00:56:58I'm here just to...
00:57:12It's genius, pure genius.
00:57:14Just experience, Valentino.
00:57:16See, I understand the law enforcement mentality.
00:57:18You look for speeders on the road, not above it.
00:57:22Si, si.
00:57:30May I see your license?
00:57:32What do you know?
00:57:33Now that we're out of Iowa, you're out of your jurisdiction.
00:57:37Capisce?
00:57:50Alec, look!
00:57:56Four to one, I told you, Vic.
00:57:58If you've got it, flaunt it.
00:58:01Flaunt it?
00:58:13No, Vic, they'll see you.
00:58:16I knew mummy's compact would come in handy.
00:58:20Now, Vic, my way.
00:58:22Clever and devious.
00:58:25I've got to put their car out of the race in such a way they'll never suspect a thing.
00:58:28Quick, Vic, they're coming!
00:58:56They're coming!
00:59:04I think they cheat me!
00:59:14Uh-oh.
00:59:17We should have checked the registration.
00:59:20Good night, champ. Come again.
00:59:27My car!
00:59:34My car!
00:59:47Did you go ahead and rip into me?
00:59:49I deserved it. I screwed up.
00:59:51I almost got us killed.
00:59:52You were right.
00:59:54I was?
00:59:55You were.
00:59:57A good reporter follows their instincts.
01:00:00Jack, I want to get this story.
01:00:03I don't care what happens.
01:00:05For the first time in my life,
01:00:07I feel like a real news reporter.
01:00:27Shut up!
01:00:29Thank you.
01:00:31Welcome to our Las Vegas to Los Angeles flight 116.
01:00:35As you all know, this is an economy flight, so don't expect a lot of extras.
01:00:38In fact, if we make it at all, consider that a bonus.
01:00:42Joke.
01:00:43Come on, people, it's a joke. I'm kidding.
01:00:45Hey!
01:00:46I'm talking here.
01:00:47A little respect, please.
01:00:49Okay.
01:00:50As far as our safety procedures.
01:00:53Who are we kidding?
01:00:54If you wanted safety, you wouldn't be flying with us, right?
01:00:59Was there something I could do for you, gentlemen?
01:01:01Excuse me.
01:01:02I've seen you before.
01:01:04Aren't you...
01:01:06Still am.
01:01:08Oh, Brooks.
01:01:10It's Brooke, lady.
01:01:11Not Brooks.
01:01:12Brooke.
01:01:13There is only one of me.
01:01:15Brooke Shields.
01:01:16That's Brooke Shields.
01:01:17Brooke.
01:01:18Yeah.
01:01:19Wow.
01:01:20Don't mind me asking, but why...
01:01:22I mean, your work...
01:01:23I mean, what do you...
01:01:24After four years of Princeton, my professor suggested I seek higher goals.
01:01:28So I figured, what better place?
01:01:30You know, to keep my face in the public.
01:01:32Besides, I don't want to spend the rest of my life doing bit parts in movies.
01:01:36Oh, it's not that bad.
01:01:38It sounds good to me.
01:01:50This is a hijack.
01:01:52We're going to Nicaragua.
01:01:54Can we make that El Salvador?
01:01:56What do you mean?
01:01:57Costa Rica.
01:01:59My mother lives there.
01:02:01The Bahamas.
01:02:03I've heard of the Virgin Islands.
01:02:04Make up your mind.
01:02:06Oh, help me.
01:02:08Get it.
01:02:09Hijack, hijack.
01:02:27I'm clean, Hal.
01:02:31Get out.
01:02:39Flight 116.
01:02:40I said runway 8, not interstate 80.
01:02:56Hmm.
01:02:57What, Margaret?
01:02:58This is the weirdest telemetry I've ever seen.
01:03:07See, either something's really gone haywire here...
01:03:10Or there's a...
01:03:11An airplane in the roof!
01:03:13Right.
01:03:15No!
01:03:26I guess this means we've lost the race.
01:03:28No, no, no, it doesn't.
01:03:30Remember, we're Van Sloans.
01:03:31We don't lose.
01:03:32Yeah, that's right.
01:03:36Well?
01:03:37Not in a million years.
01:03:38Look, you do have power.
01:03:40Yes.
01:03:41And steering capability.
01:03:43Sure.
01:03:44And you do have a place to spend $50,000.
01:03:53Ladies and gentlemen, we now begin our new, unique feature,
01:03:57the fly-drive tour of the United States.
01:04:14Come on, buddy.
01:04:16Let's go.
01:04:42Now mascara.
01:04:43I want lots of mascara.
01:04:44What?
01:04:45Gucci.
01:04:46Makes your eyes pop out on television.
01:04:47There we go.
01:04:50Whoever it is with that mirror, I want his badge number.
01:04:53I'll personally crack a single mirror on his head.
01:04:59What's he saying?
01:05:00I hope this message...
01:05:03Doesn't...
01:05:05Come...
01:05:06At...
01:05:07An...
01:05:08Inopportune...
01:05:10Time.
01:05:11Look, can't you make these things more concise?
01:05:14I've...
01:05:15Spotted...
01:05:16The...
01:05:18Cannonballers...
01:05:20On...
01:05:21The...
01:05:24The...
01:05:25Hill.
01:05:26On the hill.
01:05:28Can you hear it?
01:05:29Hear what, chief?
01:05:31Screaming engines?
01:05:33Burning tires?
01:05:35God, I love the smell of napalm in the morning.
01:05:38Napalm?
01:05:40I've been here before.
01:05:45It's a glorious feeling.
01:05:47The Carthaginians were up there on that hill over there.
01:05:50I love it.
01:05:52God help me, I do love it so.
01:05:56He's an anachronism, this one.
01:05:58Pure warrior.
01:05:59Can't buy that.
01:06:01Red Indian.
01:06:04Oh, while I think of it, chief...
01:06:05Do you think you could get me one of those little handguns?
01:06:09Use mine.
01:06:11It's the new stealth model.
01:06:13Oh.
01:06:14Be careful.
01:06:15Safety's off.
01:06:19You don't think I'm insane, do you?
01:06:22No, chief, I think you'll be president.
01:06:27I'm going to sleep.
01:06:29Wake me up when we hit L.A.
01:06:34I'm hungry.
01:06:36I wonder if they're going to feed us on this flight.
01:06:41I do not speak English too good.
01:06:45French?
01:06:46Francaise?
01:06:47Oui, oui, Francaise.
01:06:48Vous parlez Francais?
01:06:50No.
01:06:51Petit parler.
01:06:52Non parler.
01:06:53No speak French.
01:06:59You would like my penis?
01:07:01No.
01:07:03You would like my penis?
01:07:07Excuse me?
01:07:08You would like my penis?
01:07:13I'm on my way to meet my wife.
01:07:16My kids.
01:07:17Two kids.
01:07:18I got two, three kids.
01:07:19A big reunion.
01:07:22You would like my penis?
01:07:26Look, I'm really not interested.
01:07:28I have no problem with it.
01:07:30It's just not my thing, okay?
01:07:33You would like...
01:07:36Peanuts!
01:07:39Oh, sure, thank you very much.
01:07:41I thought you were talking about something else.
01:08:03This is a momentary obstacle.
01:08:05Do not panic.
01:08:06Keep your belt on.
01:08:08Get in the car, Alec.
01:08:09What are you going to do?
01:08:10Get in the car, Alec.
01:08:11I'm going to drive.
01:08:12Vic, you turn that frown upside down right now.
01:08:15I'll turn you upside down right now.
01:08:21This is going to be a lesson in human type psychology.
01:08:24What are you going to do, Vic?
01:08:25Shut up!
01:08:26Can not we at least talk about this?
01:08:32They will not let us kill ourselves.
01:08:34I know cops.
01:08:35Cops are liberals, Vic.
01:08:38Watch.
01:08:41Top of the world, huh?
01:08:45Top of the world.
01:08:46Give me those keys.
01:08:47I want them.
01:08:49What are you doing?
01:08:50You...
01:08:51What are you doing?
01:08:52Vic, we're going to die.
01:08:53I'm going to kill you, Alec.
01:08:57I should have killed you.
01:08:58Arrest them.
01:08:59Use unnecessary force, if necessary.
01:09:03Pull this thing out of here.
01:09:10Chief, what are you going to do with them?
01:09:12Chief, over here.
01:09:13What are your plans?
01:09:14When are the cannonballers going to arrive?
01:09:16Excuse me, please.
01:09:17I believe the chief has a statement he'd like to make.
01:09:20As an American senator,
01:09:22I will uphold the laws of this great nation of ours,
01:09:25just as you see me doing today.
01:09:28What's that?
01:09:29With total repression for all who deviate.
01:09:32No, that!
01:09:33Hokey crokey!
01:09:51They're not getting through!
01:10:00Chief, you okay?
01:10:01That pilot will never fly in this town again.
01:10:05Look!
01:10:08Stop them!
01:10:10How many are you?
01:10:12Stop them!
01:10:13Right, let's get out of here.
01:10:14Yeah!
01:10:27Stop them!
01:10:28Stop them!
01:10:30They can't get through!
01:10:33Stop them!
01:10:34Kill them!
01:10:35I want them destroyed!
01:10:40I got to do everything myself.
01:10:45Out of my way!
01:10:58Out of my way!
01:11:00Stop them!
01:11:25Charlie?
01:11:26They're gaining on us!
01:11:28I hope we lose these guys.
01:11:37At least signal, chief!
01:11:38Please!
01:11:39Police business!
01:11:40Police business!
01:11:41Pull over!
01:11:46Oh, I know!
01:11:47James Caan!
01:11:49That's right, James Caan!
01:11:50Good!
01:11:51It's my turn, Charlie.
01:11:53Who was the woman who starred in the film
01:11:55where she was trying to save her farm?
01:11:59Well, that narrows it down, doesn't it?
01:12:01What's that supposed to mean?
01:12:02Well, there were only about 9,000 movies
01:12:04where women were trying to save their farms
01:12:06or their factories or their rivers or their trees.
01:12:08Come on, Charlie.
01:12:09Don't be a poor sport.
01:12:11Well, it's not much to go on.
01:12:12I mean, James Caan was pretty obvious.
01:12:14I told you he played Sonny in The Godfather.
01:12:16He got killed halfway through the movie in a tollbooth.
01:12:18Let's be fair.
01:12:19I mean, I gave you a whole lot of extra information on that one.
01:12:21You're being a real baby, Charlie.
01:12:24What?
01:12:25All I want is one hint.
01:12:26One lousy little hint.
01:12:27One little hint that makes me a baby?
01:12:29Okay.
01:12:30She won an Oscar in 1986.
01:12:33In, uh, 86.
01:12:34Uh, that would be, um...
01:12:36Uh...
01:12:37Oh, who is it?
01:12:38That's it!
01:12:39Um...
01:12:40Oh, um...
01:12:42I-I... Give me a hint.
01:12:43Nope.
01:12:44Come on, give me another hint.
01:12:45I gave you lots of hints.
01:12:47But wait a minute, I got it now.
01:12:48Uh, the actress with the freckles.
01:12:50She was in Coal Miner's Daughter.
01:12:51Real good.
01:12:52You mean Sissy Spacek?
01:12:53Right, that's her.
01:12:54Nope.
01:12:56Wait a second.
01:12:57I got it now.
01:12:58She's real good looking.
01:12:59She was in King Kong.
01:13:00Come on, Charlie.
01:13:01She played in that picture with Jack Nicholson.
01:13:03The Bonesman thing.
01:13:04Wait a second.
01:13:05Jessica, Jessica.
01:13:07Play?
01:13:08Right.
01:13:09Nope.
01:13:10Do you give up?
01:13:12Yeah.
01:13:13Sally Field.
01:13:15Oh, Sally Field, sure.
01:13:17Okay, your turn.
01:13:18Okay.
01:13:19Uh, it's a person that is not in movies.
01:13:22That makes it too hard.
01:13:24No, this is a real easy one.
01:13:25He's a current vice president.
01:13:34Sorry, it wasn't Duncan on the phone.
01:13:36No, it wasn't Duncan.
01:13:37That was a total fraud.
01:13:39But that was a bad idea.
01:13:41No, Jack, it was not a bad idea.
01:13:42It was a good idea.
01:13:44We gotta take chances, have some fun.
01:13:47Thank you.
01:13:48But you know what?
01:13:49I can't do what you can do.
01:13:50I mean, I could never cover the Senate or the U.N.
01:13:53I'm just...
01:13:54As good as anybody I've ever seen.
01:13:58You really mean that?
01:14:00I really mean it.
01:14:02Thanks.
01:14:09Welcome to sunny California.
01:14:11Well, I tell you, I had a little problem with a car here.
01:14:13I don't know really what happened to it.
01:14:16You got a problem, all right, you gotta come with me.
01:14:18Where we going?
01:14:19Hey, wait a minute.
01:14:21Aren't you Richard Petty sometimes?
01:14:23Hey, well, will you do me a favor?
01:14:25I'm a big fan of yours, and I'd really love to have your autograph before I run you in.
01:14:29Before you run me in?
01:14:30Yeah, you gotta come with me, you're one of them cannonballers.
01:14:33Oh, no, you gotta go downtown?
01:14:36How do you use this thing?
01:14:37Just like a regular phone.
01:14:39What's the number of the Los Angeles Police Department?
01:14:41I have no idea.
01:14:42Here it is, here it is.
01:14:43Okay.
01:14:46Come on, move this guy!
01:14:47No!
01:14:48What?
01:14:49Help me!
01:14:51You better know what you're doing.
01:14:52I know what I'm doing, leave me alone, let me concentrate!
01:14:56Somebody got up on the wrong side of bed this morning.
01:14:58Shut up!
01:15:01I'm sorry.
01:15:02Everybody, now listen up and listen good.
01:15:05Starting now, we're on red alert.
01:15:07This is Chief Spiro T. Edsel calling.
01:15:09I want everybody to drop what you're doing and head immediately to the Santa Monica Pier.
01:15:14Is that understood?
01:15:16Yes, I understand.
01:15:22We have to go to Santa Monica.
01:15:26Traffic is moving along very nicely on our freeways here in L.A.
01:15:31on this beautiful, sunny afternoon.
01:15:40Can you believe this?
01:15:43Great, just great!
01:15:45Jack, you're tired, you've driven a long stretch.
01:15:48Yeah, you're right.
01:15:50We lost him!
01:15:52I can't believe it, Margaret.
01:15:54Mmm, I smell victory.
01:15:57Sugar, that ain't victory.
01:15:58That's the ocean.
01:15:59Oh.
01:16:00I think this little puppy's on the fritz.
01:16:04We drove 3,000 miles to get to Santa Monica,
01:16:07and now we're stuck in the middle of the ocean.
01:16:09I can't believe it, Margaret.
01:16:11Mmm, I smell victory.
01:16:13Sugar, that ain't victory.
01:16:14That's the ocean.
01:16:15I think this little puppy's on the fritz.
01:16:18We drove 3,000 miles to get stuck in L.A.
01:16:21Come on, let me drive.
01:16:23Come on!
01:16:24Okay.
01:16:25Switch!
01:16:26I lived in L.A. for two years.
01:16:29It takes a certain kind of personality to get around in this city.
01:16:49That tells you where movie stars live.
01:16:51Is that the only map they have?
01:16:53Please go right, I'll find Santa Monica Pier.
01:16:55Well, how do we get there?
01:16:58Ah, I see.
01:16:59Turn right here, it's like Stallone's house.
01:17:01And then it's a left at the Lucy Boys.
01:17:03That's Stallone's house?
01:17:18Thank you.
01:17:39You know, I got a feeling we're gonna win this thing.
01:17:42I'm gonna win the cannonball.
01:17:44I'm gonna be famous.
01:17:46We'll both be famous.
01:17:47You as a driver, and me as an actress on divorce court.
01:17:53Those are actors on divorce court?
01:17:55Yeah, that's how good they are.
01:17:56You don't even know that they're acting.
01:17:58So I guess I'll be in really excellent company,
01:18:00which is good when you're just starting out.
01:18:02Yeah.
01:18:05Leo got me the contract.
01:18:08I never thought I'd say this, but he's actually a great guy.
01:18:11I'm not so sure, Charlie.
01:18:13He can be mean.
01:18:15Well, how long have you known him?
01:18:17Two weeks.
01:18:18Oh, well, there you go.
01:18:19You see, it's taken me 14 and a half, 15 years to get to know him.
01:18:22He's got one of those personalities, you know?
01:18:24It's kind of a difficult thing to put a finger on it,
01:18:26but he's okay, but you think he's a creep?
01:18:29Oh.
01:18:32Seems to be something wrong with the brakes.
01:18:36We don't seem to have any.
01:18:38What are we gonna do, Charlie?
01:18:41Now, don't get scared of anything, okay, Tiffany?
01:18:43It's fine, it's just that we got no brakes.
01:18:45We're out of control.
01:18:46You drive like my grandmother!
01:18:48All right, all right.
01:18:49Don't panic, don't panic.
01:18:50We'll be fine.
01:18:52Through it!
01:18:53Okay, okay.
01:18:54This is just my luck.
01:18:59Boy, they drive faster in L.A.
01:19:02Oh, Charlie.
01:19:03Okay, here we go.
01:19:04Hang on, hang on.
01:19:05All right, I got it now.
01:19:11I've been taking you over 10 miles.
01:19:13Here, you drop this back there.
01:19:15Thanks a lot.
01:19:18Oh, Charlie, that's Carl Lewis.
01:19:24Nah.
01:19:25It is, it is.
01:19:27Oh, yeah, sure, Carl Lewis.
01:19:30Isn't he dreamy?
01:19:33They're coming!
01:19:34They're coming!
01:19:35They're coming!
01:19:36They're coming!
01:19:37I've got them, Whitman!
01:20:04They're in my grasp!
01:20:10Come on, Alex!
01:20:11Who's the one that fixed the Jaguar?
01:20:14Yeah, but we're not in the Jag!
01:20:16It doesn't matter, Vic!
01:20:17The Jaguar's great, Whit!
01:20:19But, Paul, Vic, much more than this!
01:20:22I did it my way!
01:20:25We won!
01:20:26We won!
01:20:27We won!
01:20:28We won!
01:20:30We won!
01:20:34Come on, folks.
01:20:46Wash your filler up and give her a hot wax, okay?
01:20:51Thanks, fellas.
01:21:10Hey, check it out. It's Michael's...
01:21:12Hey, buddy. Come here.
01:21:14Who's driving the blue Jag out there?
01:21:16There they are.
01:21:18All right. Thanks a lot.
01:21:21Did we stop them?
01:21:23We stopped them.
01:21:25You're a nut, you know that? You're a lunatic.
01:21:27You belong in a nut house, not the White House.
01:21:29But I tried to help you.
01:21:31Hey.
01:21:33Yes, uh... Oh, yes, yes.
01:21:35Just bring my car around and give it a hot wax.
01:21:37Whoa!
01:21:39Uh-huh.
01:21:45Big!
01:21:47Big!
01:21:49Big!
01:21:51You're not celebrating.
01:21:53Uh, I don't really...
01:21:55fit in with that crowd.
01:21:57You haven't even given them a chance.
01:21:59Alec,
01:22:01I'm sorry I was gonna kill you.
01:22:03I didn't really want to, but you know Big Wally.
01:22:05You know something, Vic?
01:22:07You really should leave Big Wally.
01:22:09It's not the right line of work for you.
01:22:11Now, what else could I do?
01:22:13You've got money now. You could invest it.
01:22:15Start a business.
01:22:17You mean something legit?
01:22:19In fact, I could even help you get started.
01:22:21No kidding?
01:22:23Vic,
01:22:25you ever been to Monte Carlo?
01:22:27No.
01:22:29Is that a good place for investments?
01:22:31Would I steer you wrong?
01:22:37This has been the most exciting
01:22:39time of my life.
01:22:41Mine, too.
01:22:43It makes one realize
01:22:45how fun life can be.
01:22:47Oh, isn't that the truth?
01:22:49And how you should take advantage
01:22:51of every moment.
01:22:53Yeah.
01:23:03Now listen.
01:23:05We lose the race.
01:23:07Do you hear me? I laugh at your Donato.
01:23:09And another thing.
01:23:11I give the car to a friend of mine.
01:23:13My papers are in my name, so I give it to him.
01:23:15He helped me finish the race, and he's a nice guy.
01:23:17Not like you, Donato.
01:23:19And your wife, Marisa,
01:23:21she sleeps with all the mechanics. This I know.
01:23:23And another thing. I stay here in America.
01:23:25And if you don't like it, Donato, you can go from hell.
01:23:27Tell Mama I love her.
01:23:31I can't believe it.
01:23:33I'm an embarrassment to the scientific community.
01:23:35They'll never take me back at MIT.
01:23:37Oh, now, sugar, don't be so hard on yourself.
01:23:39Besides,
01:23:41I'm not so sure we want to go back to MIT.
01:23:43What?
01:23:45No, I think we want to stay here
01:23:47and get into a little marine biology.
01:23:49Huh?
01:23:51I'll have one of those rocket scientists
01:23:53explain it to you.
01:23:55Oh, uh, Todd.
01:23:57You know him?
01:23:59No, but one of them is always named Todd.
01:24:01Come on. I'll introduce you.
01:24:05I still say that was a bad idea.
01:24:07I didn't crash the plane.
01:24:09Well, it's still a stupid idea.
01:24:11That's not the point.
01:24:13Vance Sloan's never quit. Never quit.
01:24:15That's why we're winners.
01:24:17Right.
01:24:19Oh, no!
01:24:29Charles Cronin.
01:24:31You're a very nice man.
01:24:35And you are...
01:24:37You're very special.
01:24:41I hope that one day
01:24:43when you're a big movie star
01:24:45you'll still talk to me.
01:24:47Oh, I will.
01:24:49I'll never be like that.
01:24:51Tiffany!
01:24:53Tiffany!
01:24:59I've been looking all over for you.
01:25:01I've been looking all over for you.
01:25:05How you doing, Leo?
01:25:07How are you doing, Cronin? Driving with the brakes on?
01:25:09Ha! Ha! Ha!
01:25:11Just kidding. You did a great job.
01:25:13Baby, come on.
01:25:21I have to go.
01:25:25Bye, Charles.
01:25:31Bye, Tiffany.
01:25:33Good luck.
01:25:35I missed you. I really did.
01:25:37Couple of things.
01:25:39The house didn't work out
01:25:41because, you know, the rents here in Los Angeles are really murder.
01:25:43But I got us a lovely little room
01:25:45at the Motel 6. You're gonna love it.
01:25:47And I think you're gonna have to lay a little low
01:25:49for the next couple of weeks
01:25:51because my wife is coming into town
01:25:53and, you know, I think she's starting to get a little suspicious.
01:25:55So, if it's not Tiffany...
01:25:57What are you doing?
01:25:59What?
01:26:01I can't be with you, Leo.
01:26:03You're not a nice person.
01:26:05Well, what's that got to do with it?
01:26:07We had a deal.
01:26:09I'll accept the contract for the TV show,
01:26:11but I can't be your husband.
01:26:15Sweetheart.
01:26:17Are you kidding?
01:26:19You kiss me goodbye
01:26:21and you can kiss the divorce card goodbye. You got it?
01:26:23I don't care.
01:26:25Lighten up, Leo.
01:26:27You're working for me now, okay?
01:26:29You want to keep your job? Shut your mouth.
01:26:31Got it? And as for you,
01:26:33you're finished in this business.
01:26:35You call yourself an actress?
01:26:37You're a professional bimbo, sweetie.
01:26:39What?
01:26:43That's what.
01:26:47You did that for me?
01:26:49Yeah.
01:26:53Charles Cronin.
01:26:55For the rest of my life.
01:26:59Yeah.
01:27:05Yeah.
01:27:25Yeah.
01:27:27Yeah.
01:27:29Yeah.
01:27:31Yeah.
01:27:33Yeah.
01:27:35Yeah.
01:27:37Yeah.
01:27:39Yeah.
01:27:41Yeah.
01:27:43Yeah.
01:27:45Yeah.
01:27:47Yeah.
01:27:49Yeah.
01:27:51Yeah.
01:27:53Yeah.
01:27:55Yeah.
01:27:57Yeah.
01:27:59Yeah.
01:28:01Yeah.
01:28:03Yeah.
01:28:05Yeah.
01:28:07Yeah.
01:28:09Yeah.
01:28:11Yeah.
01:28:13Yeah.
01:28:15Yeah.
01:28:17Yeah.
01:28:19Yeah.
01:28:21Yeah.
01:28:23Yeah.
01:28:25Yeah.
01:28:27Yeah.
01:28:29Yeah.
01:28:31Yeah.
01:28:33Yeah.
01:28:35Yeah.
01:28:37Let me tell you about love.
01:28:39Why won't you be my bride?
01:28:41Why won't you be my bride?
01:28:43Gonna tell you about love.
01:28:45Gonna tell you about love.
01:28:47Baby, don't hide it.
01:28:49You make me dizzy, miss me.
01:28:51Girl, I want to marry you.
01:28:55Come on, give it to me, baby.
01:28:57Put your love in mine.
01:29:01You make me dizzy, miss me.
01:29:03What if I were you tonight?
01:29:07Just a moment and a moment.
01:29:09Girl, that's it, I wish you were mine.
01:29:13Let me tell you about love.
01:29:15Why won't you be my bride?
01:29:19Why won't you be my bride?
01:29:21Gonna tell you about love.
01:29:23Gonna tell you about love.
01:29:25Baby, don't hide it.
01:29:27You make me dizzy, miss me.
01:29:29Girl, I want to marry you.
01:29:33Come on, give it to me, baby.
01:29:37Put your love in mine.
01:29:39You make me dizzy, miss me.
01:29:43What if I were you tonight?
01:29:45Just a moment and a moment.
01:29:47Girl, that's it, I wish you were mine.