From "The REAL College Survival Guide" by Kevin Lawson
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FunTranscript
00:00I walked into the lecture hall for my freshman English 101 class, and let me tell you, it
00:06was like stepping into a stadium.
00:09I half expected to see a marching band and a giant foam finger waving in the air.
00:14Instead, I was greeted by a sea of faces, all staring blankly at the front, like they
00:20were waiting for a rock concert to start.
00:23I mean, who knew that learning about the intricacies of the English language would require a venue
00:29that could seat a small army?
00:32The professor, a wiry man with glasses that seemed to magnify his eyes to cartoonish proportions,
00:38shuffled in like he was about to deliver the most important news of the century.
00:43He cleared his throat, and the sound echoed through the cavernous room, causing a few
00:48students to jump as if they were in a horror movie.
00:52I could almost hear the collective thought, is this guy going to teach us about Shakespeare
00:57or summon a demon?
00:59As he began his lecture, I quickly realized that the acoustics in this place were better
01:05suited for a rock band than for a discussion about literary devices.
01:10Every time he said, metaphor, it sounded like he was announcing the arrival of a celebrity.
01:16Metaphor!
01:17The students in the back row perked up, as if they were waiting for a celebrity to walk
01:21down the aisle.
01:23I half expected someone to throw a bouquet of flowers at him.
01:27And then there were the students.
01:28Oh, the students!
01:31You had your overachievers, the ones who had clearly read the syllabus before they even
01:36stepped foot on campus.
01:38They were the ones sitting in the front row, furiously taking notes, nodding along like
01:43they were at a TED talk.
01:45I could practically hear their thoughts.
01:48I'm going to get an A in this class, and then I'll go on to write the next great American
01:53novel.
01:55Meanwhile, I was sitting in the back, trying to figure out if I could get away with just
01:59writing I love books on my final paper and calling it a day.
02:04Then there were the slackers, the ones who looked like they had rolled out of bed five
02:08minutes before class.
02:10They were slouched in their seats, eyes glazed over, probably wondering if they could get
02:15credit for just showing up.
02:18I could see them mentally calculating how many more classes they could skip before they'd
02:22have to start worrying about their GPA.
02:26Two more?
02:27Three?
02:28Perfect!
02:29And let's not forget the tech-savvy students, the ones who had their laptops open.
02:34But instead of taking notes, they were scrolling through social media.
02:38I could see their screens lighting up with notifications, and I wondered if they were
02:42tweeting about how boring the lecture was, or if they were just trying to find the latest
02:47meme to distract themselves.
02:49I mean, who needs to learn about the symbolism in The Great Gatsby when you can watch a cat
02:54video instead?
02:56As the professor droned on about the importance of thesis statements, I found myself daydreaming
03:01about what it would be like to teach this class.
03:05I could imagine myself standing at the front, wearing a cape and declaring,
03:09Welcome to English 101!
03:12Today, we're going to explore the wild world of punctuation.
03:16I could see the students' faces lighting up with excitement, or maybe that was just
03:21the reflection of their laptop screens.
03:24But then reality hit me.
03:27I was just a freshman, trying to navigate this massive classroom filled with strangers.
03:33I was just trying to figure out if I could survive this semester without losing my mind.
03:41So, I took a deep breath, pulled out my notebook, and decided to embrace the chaos.
03:47After all, if I was going to learn about English, I might as well do it in a place that felt
03:52like a rock concert.
03:54Who knows?
03:55Maybe one day, I'd be the one up there, rocking the mic and teaching the next generation about
04:02the beauty of the written word.
04:04Or at least, I'd be the one with the best cat memes.