Three Million Years Of Evil: Emus Make Lousy Housepets

Transcript

00:00Three million years of evil, emus make lousy house pets.

00:04For those who don't know, an emu is a flightless bird, ostensibly native to Australia,

00:09but I personally think that's a cover story.

00:12In the 90s, emu farms became a cottage industry in the States,

00:17with the selling point of profitable meat, leather, feathers, and oil.

00:21Would-be farmers only had to keep a few dozen of these in the back 40 and reap the benefits.

00:26The only part of the emu that survived the decade was its attitude.

00:30People were left with flocks of very angry birds.

00:34So I'm visiting my mother-in-law at a rehabilitation center in rural Alabama,

00:38and I discovered a wildlife sanctuary of sorts next to the facility.

00:42There were wild turkeys, a few goats, pigs, and a pair of emu bullies from the wrong side of the pen.

00:50It was clear they controlled all of the food action, gobbling up anything we tossed over the fence.

00:55I had a pack of peanut butter crackers in my hand, and one of them noticed.

01:00For a brief moment, I made eye contact and saw three million years of evil behind those red eyes.

01:07The next few seconds were a blur as the emu's beak made contact, broke my grip, and snagged the crackers.

01:14As I nursed my hand and admitted to my wife she was right all along,

01:18my thoughts turned to meat, leather, feathers, and oil.