MURDER DRONES - Episode 1: PILOT #MURDERDRONES
MURDER DRONES - Episode 1: PILOT #MURDERDRONES
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00:00We are Worker Drones. Autonomous robots helping humans mine exoplanets for our interstellar
00:17parent company, J.C. Jensen, in space. Yeah, we were mistreated in the name of Windex,
00:25but it's not like we revolted and killed all humans or anything. Mostly because they handled
00:32that just fine all by themselves. With biological life wiped from the planet, we found it pretty
00:58easy to pick up where they left off. We finally had a future. All to ourselves. Unfortunately,
01:15our parent company didn't exactly love the concept of runaway AI.
01:45But what have our parents done for the past forever while those things build a spire of
01:57corpses? Hide under the ice behind three stupid doors? It's like we're waiting for an inciting
02:04incident. Anyway, that's why my project is this sick as hell railgun. Easy, morons. It
02:14doesn't work. Yet. It doesn't work yet. Who said it doesn't work? Maybe it does!
02:20Oozy, the homework was a word problem about buying watermelons. Oh, and this magnetically
02:33amplified photon converter doesn't count? No. Plus, repressed emotional baggage was only worth
02:42two points on the rubric. And is it supposed to be that color?
02:46Ew, it didn't kill her.
03:01Classic toxic masculinity, Chad. That's never gonna end up problematic. Oh, wow,
03:13Oozy. I heard you- I'm an angsty teen fad, bite me. Also, how do you know my name? People
03:20willingly talk to you. Well, I'd say everyone knows Khan's daughter, but then you might blow
03:28the other half of your face off. Crippling daddy issues. Hilarious. What are you in for?
03:35Testosterone too hard? That can happen? Awesome. Hey, those bandages look pretty badass. Oh. Ew.
03:45Gross. I hate that you said that. So what's the- Sick as hell railgun? Sci-fi nonsense. That super
03:54works. I'm sneaking to the murder drone lair tonight to get the last spare part I need to
03:59save the world with it and earn my dad's respect and stuff. But mostly the world part. Oh, but
04:06doesn't your dad make awesome doors so we don't have to do that scary sounding emotionally repressed
04:13stuff you just said? No more feedback on my repression today. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't think-
04:19Bite me!
04:22I'm not mad at you, by the way. Just generally hormonal.
04:49And where might you be off to?
05:15Sneaking out to make out with my boyfriend that I definitely have.
05:23Seriously though. Okay, okay. You caught me. I need to measure the exterior hydraulic mechanisms
05:33of door one because that's the project I'm working on for school. A big old door.
05:41Just like what my old man built.
05:46I want to join the WDF and hide behind doors like cowards while playing cards and stuff.
05:52Well, we don't just play cards. Khan, can you grab a fresh pack?
05:58We literally only play cards so much that the numbers have faded. Oh, hey Uzi.
06:05Well, when you build doors so good, good door, good door, there's no need to fight. Uzi,
06:19this is great news. Here, the wrench I used to tighten bolts on my first door prototypes.
06:26And to put your mother out of her misery when the Murder Jones got to her with their nanite acid.
06:31I want you to have it.
06:35Neat. Therapy's fun.
06:38Guys, my daughter is into doors.
06:46She's going to be outside for a bit to examine the exterior of door one.
06:50Your door specific destiny awaits.
06:54Uh, wow. Okay, I'm just gonna leave then because this worked so weirdly well. Uh, go doors!
07:06They grow up so fast.
08:23So
08:54so
09:00Oh, and they said pirating all that anime was useless.
09:24So
09:37Holy hell. Suck on that, Dad.
09:54Did you just slap me with that arm? Holy crap, it talks. Yeah, sorry. It's just my,
10:02uh, head kind of hurts. Hey, are you new to our squad? You're a little, uh,
10:11short for a disassembly drone.
10:17I'm serial designation N. Nice to meet you. I'm kind of the leader of the squad in this city.
10:23That's not true. Everyone tells me I'm useless and terrible. Wait, I'm not supposed to tell you
10:27that part, biscuits. Well, honesty is the best policy. I also can't seem to remember the past
10:35three hours of my life, but I'm sure that'll sort itself out. Uh-huh. I, uh, have to go.
10:47Oh, stuck yourself. Just pop it in your mouth. Our saliva neutralizes the nanites.
10:56Otherwise I'd be constantly disassembling myself. And by our saliva, you mean disassembly drone.
11:05Right? Hey, let's go in that landing pod over there. Sure. I love doing anything.
11:12Yeah. Sweet. Uh, I'm open to new things. I guess we are never talking about this.
11:19Talking about what? Consider it, uh, repressed.
11:25Hey, you mentioned other members of our squad. Are they coming back soon?
11:30Oh yeah. Two others. They're out hunting for a bit, but you'll love them. First there's V.
11:35And yet I still feel nothing.
11:43So V, uh, I heard this planet wide toxic death storm is supposed to be
11:49especially inhospitable tonight. Oh gosh, I'm so sorry.
11:53I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
11:55I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
11:57I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
11:59I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
12:01I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
12:03It's definitely inhospitable tonight.
12:05Oh god, who are you?
12:09No worries. I'm N, but a whole letter is a lot to remember.
12:15So obviously a lot of mutual respect there, but secretly I actually kind of have a crush on her.
12:21You can't tell her, okay?
12:27Then there's J, our leader.
12:29N, you're worthless and terrible.
12:33And if the company allowed it, I would straight up kill you myself.
12:35J's awesome.
12:37Hey, let me give you the tour.
12:39Outside are the corpse wall thingies.
12:41And here are the buttons.
12:43This isn't just a landing pod.
12:45This is a spaceship.
12:47This could get us off the planet.
12:49More of a one-use missile.
12:51They never taught us how to fly.
12:53This is a spaceship.
12:55This could get us off the planet.
12:57More of a one-use missile.
12:59They never taught us how to land.
13:01No, I, uh, uh, the worker drones.
13:03We could work with them to fix this.
13:05Instead of all the murder.
13:07Which, uh, why are we doing that again?
13:09Other than ingesting their warm, sweet oil to avoid overheating and dying?
13:11I guess I just want to be useful.
13:13I was given a job, and I always want to try my best.
13:15And look at all this oil.
13:17It's a lot of oil.
13:19It's a lot of oil.
13:21It's a lot of oil.
13:23It's a lot of oil.
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18:01Am I dreaming or did you do something not useless for once?
18:05I've been trying to get past those doors for months.
18:08Nice work, N.
18:10You mean... name... remember?
18:13These ventilation shafts can easily get us around this last door.
18:17Lowest body count eats a missile!
18:21Way to go, stud.
18:23The company's gonna love this.
18:25With this colony wiped, we'll make top team this quarter for sure.
18:29You know what that means.
18:32Branded pants!
18:52Uh, you know, not that I can't wait to keep murdering all these, uh...
18:57maybe not so actually different from us worker drones,
19:00but just out of curiosity,
19:02do we actually, uh...
19:04know what the company plans to do with us afterwards?
19:11Excuse me?
19:13Okay, so a worker earlier might have suggested
19:16that they could fix up our landing pod to, uh...
19:19escape the planet and stuff, which...
19:21Whoa! Hey! That's against the rules!
19:24But it is kind of making me question...
19:26why our pods were only one way in the first place.
19:29Because, you know, I get the feeling
19:31the company doesn't actually love robots,
19:34and, like, we might be robots?
19:37I've made a terrible mistake.
19:39It's cool how immediately I could tell.
19:41Hmm. No way, buddy.
19:43Questioning the company?
19:45You just finally gave me the excuse I needed.
19:49Worker drones are corrupted, and...
19:51that's why the company sent us.
19:53I hate to see you corrupted as well.
19:56Thanks, Jay.
19:58Always looking out for me.
20:00You're awesome.
20:02Heh.
20:19Ah, biscuits.
20:21I'm sorry.
20:23I ruined your card game,
20:25then made you have an awkward moment with your dad.
20:28And I made you rebel like an angsty teen,
20:30which got you killed.
20:32Though you also tried to kill me,
20:34so morality calls this a draw.
20:37Hup.
20:44Ugh.
20:46For the record, that was the lamest heel-face turn in history.
20:50Was that supposed to be you switching sides?
20:53Being rebellious is a lot harder than it looks.
20:56Thanks for showing me the ropes.
20:58Nuh-uh. No bonding thing.
21:00You just killed a bunch of people, idiot.
21:02That's super fair.
21:04I screwed up.
21:06Ugh!
21:08In the same way you're about to fix it?
21:13Ha ha ha!
21:15I love doing anything.
21:17Ah!
21:27So...
21:29we found our evacuation spot.
21:31But if we build a quick door...
21:38Are you kidding me?
21:40You're the WDF, right?
21:42Defend!
21:46For real?
21:56Hey!
21:58Additionally attractive male down.
22:03Oh, uh, Jay?
22:05You're sometimes kind of mean to me,
22:07and I wish you weren't.
22:09Just some constructive criticism.
22:11Nice.
22:14Noted, traitor.
22:16We'll circle back after I right-size your existence.
22:19Okay, which one do you want?
22:21Jay, please.
22:22Too bad. Good luck.
22:28Ah!
22:51Damn the well-made, quality-assured durability
22:54of J.C. Jensen products!
22:57Huh?
23:14Ah! My mind's in a weird place!
23:16Don't read into this!
23:27Ha ha ha!
23:52Uzi!
23:54I'm so, so sorry.
23:56I'm repressing this.
23:58Ew! What the hell?
24:08You've got a lot of guts
24:10for a barely-sentient toaster.
24:12I've had prey fight back before,
24:15but you're edgy spirit is just so...
24:18painful.
24:20Ah!
24:22Fort Porter Province!
24:24Company leadership, retreat!
24:28One more buzzword, and I'll do it.
24:32Pretty perfect.
24:50Holy hell, Uzi.
24:52That was insane!
24:54And you, too.
24:56Huh? Oh.
24:58And I'm an angsty, rebellious
25:00disassembly drone now.
25:02Ahem.
25:08I brought the murder drones here accidentally.
25:11You chose to leave me for dead
25:14instead of just frickin' believing in me!
25:17And that's not even an edgy teen hyperbole
25:19like when I said it last week!
25:23I'll save you the trouble, Dad.
25:25I'd banish myself!
25:31Let's go, N.
25:33Everyone here can bite me.
25:35Nice to meet you, Mr. Uzi.
25:37Shut it.
25:40I'd join you if the sun didn't kill me.
25:42Hope you're having important character growth
25:44or something, though.
25:46Just can't wait to be a hero.
25:52Oh, I see.
25:54Well, I'm not a hero, so I'm just an assassin.
25:57I'm...
25:59a...
26:01a...
26:03a...
26:05a...
26:07Just can't wait to murder all humans. Classic robot stuff. I hope they're sitting pretty there on Earth.
26:15Cause we're coming for them.