The Toxic Crusaders - 1x07 - Mr Earth - Superhero
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00:00I buy books and watch movies and start getting ready for my whole life and I realize how great it is to not have other options in my life but to be able to be a working person .
00:15I know that I may not sound like I would, but I'm not that kind of human being at all.
00:20And I feel like it's a good thing we're here.
00:24We're here for this world.
00:27The world's a better place.
00:29We need important people.
00:33That's what I'm listening to.
00:35We're here for the world.
00:37And the world needs us.
00:40The world's a better place.
00:42We need important people.
00:44That's what I'm listening to.
00:46You know, we're in the middle of a pandemic,
00:49so it's really important that we all stay safe,
00:52and so it's important that we all stay safe.
00:54It's important for people to be safe,
00:56so we just gotta be like, stay safe,
00:58and we'll all be okay.
01:01We're in a pandemic,
01:02and we all need to be safe and we all need to be healthy,
01:05but you know what really is important,
01:07is that we all stay safe,
01:08because when you get sick,
01:09it's not gonna be positive,
01:11so we all need to be healthy and strong,
01:13and we all need to be healthy and strong.
01:16I'm going to be your agent and when I tell you guys to come
01:22and sleep with my children, I'm going to be your agent.
01:26I'm going to tell you, you guys found this.
01:27You found it!
01:29You found a new angel.
01:30It's so beautiful.
01:32Yes!
01:33You are our favorite angel.
01:36We found you!
01:37We found you!
01:38It's beautiful.
01:38It's beautiful.
01:39It's beautiful.
01:40It's just beautiful.
01:41It's just glorious.
01:42It's full of love.
01:43But, if you eat so many pieces,
01:46what do you want to say to somebody else?
01:48You're incinerating these problems,
01:50and you feel like you've been bitten once or twice,
01:53but you can't really think this through,
01:55so you need to give it a little time,
01:57a little pause, and you'll realize
02:00that you've been bitten once or twice.
02:02I have no words.
02:03I don't see why I'm not ashamed to face the trauma of it.
02:06It seems that with the toxic percentage of the vaccine
02:09it informs you.
02:10Please, don't be afraid to face it.
02:13It's a good thing.
02:15But, is this not the story of life?
02:23Go ahead, John.
02:24It's your day.
02:25Always remember, John,
02:27there's always something good in the world out there.
02:30And, let's make the most of any chance
02:32you're putting in yourself.
02:33And, if by any chance,
02:35I'm trying to give you some strength, John,
02:37some strength to move forward on your path,
02:41then it's time I let you know
02:44that it's not a beautiful thing to do.
02:47There's no harm to wait.
02:49We have nothing to lose in the world.
02:52There's nothing to lose.
02:54There's nothing to lose.
02:55So, you don't need to get in the way.
02:58You don't need to lose.
03:00You don't need to lose.
03:06You must be confident.
03:07You must be confident.
03:08The most important thing
03:11is that you're still going.
03:13Put one of the legs out,
03:15feed yourself with your little staple juice,
03:18and I want you to know that you can do it.
03:21I don't know if you know what I'm talking about, John.
03:24I just want you to know that you can do it.
03:26Just, just, just do it.
03:29Well, I'll tell you what, John,
03:31you're going to do it.
03:33You know what?
03:34You're gonna be just like your mother.
03:36It's not like something
03:37you're feeling at home right now, John.
03:39You know, you can't walk to the city, first of all, you're caught in a police line, but you can be in a civil guard.
03:46You know, and that's why you see the police, like, you and Devin were the next on the page.
03:51Now, you know, you have three different special powers this month.
03:57One, you can shoot down the gunfighters, and they were worried that it was going to be three hours,
04:03and you have three special powers, and you can shoot them.
04:06And you are an idiot, so you get fired.
04:08And then you see, like, my superhero, which was, like, a little tiny ghost thing.
04:14Oh, really? It's a nice costume, right?
04:17But all our costumes were formed by something far bigger than us today.
04:21You know, they're just really nice, they're really cute, they're really healthy,
04:24they're super nice, and, you know, they're like my last job.
04:30So, you're running for superhero, and you don't have a license.
04:33And it's a serious charge.
04:35You know, like, when you're talking to people,
04:37you don't even know if this is a superhero you're trying to be.
04:40Well, I don't have a license.
04:43And I have nothing to show for it.
04:45See you later.
04:47I hope you have fun with it.
04:49There's more of you coming.
04:51See you, baby.
04:52I hope you have fun with it.
04:55That was great.
04:57Thank you so much, you guys.
04:59Oh, come on.
05:00That was great.
05:02It's just like the beginning of the twosome.
05:04It was a good one.
05:06You just had to do it.
05:10You just had to do it.
05:12I'm not looking at you.
05:13You're just not looking at me.
05:14No.
05:15We're on the same page.
05:16You're just not paying attention.
05:19I'm not paying attention.
05:21I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't
05:51know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't
06:11Disperse them well, disperse them well,
06:14toxic crusaders once and for all.
06:17I don't know what you're talking about.
06:18What can I do?
06:20I can handle the bad guys.
06:22I can handle the bad guys.
06:24That's my job.
06:26Yeah.
06:26So what you've got to do is
06:28know that you've dispersed and killed
06:30those toxic crusaders,
06:31and you've got to be next to them
06:33with everything on your shoulders,
06:35and then the world is in failure,
06:37failure, and failure.
06:38That's all you've got to do.
06:41So it's my turn now.
06:42I'll do it.
06:43Just give them a minute.
06:45I've got to see what I can do.
06:48Baby, you've been good so long.
06:50You're quiet in here, I suppose.
06:52I suppose you mind my seat a bit?
06:56I've got room.
06:57I mean, for a night.
07:00Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
07:01I've got to do the fool thing.
07:03If I don't do what I've to do,
07:05they just see my insides.
07:07I've got a little shot.
07:08My name is Tootsie, and I need a ride on my ride.
07:15I'm only three months here, so I can't say no.
07:19Best of luck to the rest of you.
07:23Best of luck to the rest of you.
07:27Best of luck to the rest of you.
07:31To all of you.
07:34I'm so excited to be here.
07:37I'm excited to be here.
07:41I'm so excited to be here.
07:43I'm so excited to be here.
07:45I have these teletubbies in here.
07:47Oh yeah.
07:49I have these teletubbies in here.
07:51It's a one seat ride.
07:53You know, it's a sleeper.
07:55Exactly.
07:57I hope I don't get...
07:59I really hope I don't get...
08:00He's got a problem at that time.
08:04I don't know.
08:06Jesus.
08:08I can't imagine what I am.
08:11What's the good idea anyhow?
08:13Well, Julie, the idea was only a play toy.
08:16It is play time.
08:19You're right.
08:20You're right.
08:21I'm so nervous.
08:22I think Mr. Stark's character just met him here and started picking up on everything he's said.
08:27Fight!
08:28It's just a mark.
08:29They fight for nothing.
08:31Is there a mark that's never seen the light?
08:34Oh, God.
08:35Holy moly!
08:36Look at all this stuff he's read.
08:39You are the only child of the devil.
08:42Who is there to lead you to that ridiculous gospel?
08:46Which one?
08:47All of the times the crusaders were ridiculous devils.
08:51The Lord.
08:53He can be a god just like me.
08:56Just like me.
08:57Just like me.
08:58I've just received a...
09:00Oh, Jesus.
09:05I love Jesus!
09:12marriages!
09:19Having trouble at all, lady?
09:21Whoa!
09:22Let me give you a hand.
09:24Yes!
09:25It's me!
09:26It's me!
09:27I'm the man!
09:28I'm the man!
09:29I'm the man!
09:30I'm the man!
09:31I'm the man!
09:32I'm the man!
09:33I'm the man!
09:34I'm the man!
09:35I'm the man!
09:36I'm the man!
09:37I'm the man!
09:38I'm the man!
09:39I'm the man!
09:40I'm the man!
09:41I'm the man!
09:42I'm the man!
09:43I'm the man!
09:44I'm the man!
09:45I'm the man!
09:46I'm the man!
09:47I'm the man!
09:48I'm the man!
09:49I'm the man!
09:50I'm the man!
09:51I'm the man!
09:52I'm the man!
09:53I'm the man!
09:54I'm the man!
09:55I'm the man!
09:56I'm the man!
09:57I'm the man!
09:58I'm the man!
09:59I'm the man!
10:00I'm the man!
10:01I'm the man!
10:02I'm the man!
10:03I'm the man!
10:04I'm the man!
10:05I'm the man!
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10:10I'm the man!
10:11I'm the man!
10:12I'm the man!
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10:14I'm the man!
10:15I'm the man!
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10:17I'm the man!
10:18I'm the man!
10:19I'm the man!
10:20I'm the man!
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10:22I'm the man!
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10:24I'm the man!
10:25I'm the man!
10:26I'm the man!
10:27I'm the man!
10:28I'm the man!
10:29I'm the man!
10:30I'm the man!
10:31I'm the man!
10:32I'm the man!
10:33I'm the man!
10:34I'm the man!
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10:55I'm the man!
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10:59I'm the man!
11:00I'm the man!
11:01I'm the man!
11:02I'm the man!
11:03I'm the man!
11:04I'm the man!
11:05I'm the man!
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11:10I'm the man!
11:11I'm the man!
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12:00I'm the man!
12:01I'm the man!
12:02I'm the man!
12:03I'm the man!
12:04I'm the man!
12:05I'm the man!
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12:19I'm the man!
12:20I'm the man!
12:21I'm the man!
12:22I'm the man!
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12:24I'm the man!
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12:27I'm the man!
12:28I'm the man!
12:29I'm the man!
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12:53I'm the man!
12:54I'm the man!
12:55I'm the man!
12:56I'm the man!
12:57I'm the man!
12:58I'm the man!
12:59I'm the man!
13:00I'm the man!
13:01I'm the man!
13:02I'm the man!
13:03I'm the man!
13:04I'm the man!
13:05I'm the man!
13:06I'm the man!
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13:08I'm the man!
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13:10I'm the man!
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13:12I'm the man!
13:13You know, Doc, you're absolutely right the toxic crusaders are very good superheroes.
13:22Now you're talking.
13:23And I'd love to teach them a lesson and I still wouldn't, but I can't.
13:26Says are sorry?
13:28What do you mean you can't?
13:30Well, maybe the toxic crusaders were right.
13:33Maybe I'm not a real superhero.
13:37I don't even have a super-power.
13:39Doc McKenna?
13:40Who are you?
13:41You called me on the phone.
13:43Do you have some tactics to run it off of?
13:45Be right with you.
13:46Right.
13:47What if I could give you a superpower?
13:50Would you be interested then?
13:52Heck, I'd be interested then.
13:54Interested in what?
13:56You know, Phonehand is a good name for you.
13:58You could give me a superpower?
14:01Tickle, don't touch it.
14:02Yes, I can give you the power of invisibility!
14:08I'd love a half x-ray vision but invisibility is a cool superpower too.
14:15Why am I wearing this jacket?
14:17Because I can see you now.
14:20You've got a cloak of invisibility.
14:23I'm just trying to figure out who's on it.
14:25I'm telling you that we all are in it.
14:28This cloak of invisibility.
14:31Cool.
14:32What's he talking about?
14:33He's got it invisible.
14:35I can see it plain as day.
14:37It's plain as the bone on your face.
14:39All you have to do is keep the Toxic Crusader's busy while I destroy Boom.
14:44While I liberate the sobbing world.
14:47As you should have hoped.
14:49Come home.
14:50Come home.
14:52I'm not afraid of the Toxic Crusader.
14:58And we now return to the Toxic Crusader.
15:03So what do we go to do now?
15:06Yeah, we can't just sit around here and hope all day.
15:10But we can't return to superheroing.
15:12Not without a license.
15:14That would be wrong.
15:16Then what are we sitting here for?
15:18Yeah, let's go get that license.
15:20I've always wanted to learn to drive.
15:22Not that kind of license, you idiot.
15:25Why can't you pay attention?
15:27What was that, Doc?
15:28I wasn't listening.
15:30This is going to be great.
15:35That idiot, Mr. Black, thinks he's invisible and has set off to stop the Toxic Crusaders.
15:43That should give us just the time we need to set our evil scheme into motion.
15:48You did put an evil scheme into motion, didn't you?
15:51Oh, sure, boss.
15:53To the mall.
15:55We've got some shopping to do.
15:58Until the Toxic Crusaders show up.
16:03Sorry, Doc, I couldn't help myself.
16:06Well, Dr. Chalamans, I'll tell you what.
16:08We're busy putting their evil plan into motion.
16:11The Toxic Crusaders and I were waiting patiently to see Mayor Brody about our superheroing license.
16:18Look, sister, we've been sitting here for three hours.
16:21How much longer till we get to see the mayor?
16:24Well, I really couldn't say.
16:26Why not?
16:27Because the mayor went home an hour ago.
16:30Oh, boy.
16:32Great.
16:33Now we'll never learn to drive.
16:35Oh, you have got to be the biggest idiot I've ever been attached to.
16:39Thanks.
16:40Not only that, but we still can be superheroes.
16:44Don't be so sure, Sonny.
16:46Take a look at this.
16:48Two tablespoons sugar, one cup crushed ice, a squirt of lime juice.
16:52That's my recipe for frozen slushies.
16:55Here, read the other side.
17:00Toxic Crusaders, everything's all right.
17:02Let's go.
17:05We're the Toxic Crusaders.
17:07We're the Toxic Crusaders.
17:10We're the Toxic Crusaders.
17:13Oh, that's a pretty short one.
17:16I know you like to sing that song with our Yvonne,
17:19but technically, you're not really a Toxic Crusader at all.
17:23Jeebus, I never really thought about it like that.
17:26Thanks for corning it out, No-Zone.
17:28Here, how's this?
17:29We're the Toxic Crusaders.
17:32We're the Toxic Crusaders.
17:35We're the Toxic Crusaders.
17:38Oh, that's a pretty short one.
17:41That's better.
17:43Geez, everybody's a critic.
17:46Ah-ha! I've got the All-Toxic Crusaders.
17:49And with my new invisibility power,
17:52there's no way you can stop me.
17:55Wow, you've got the power of invisibility?
17:58Cool.
17:59I still say we need someone with X-ray vision.
18:02Well, I don't have X-ray vision.
18:05Like it or not, I'm just invisible.
18:08You're right, Mr. E.
18:09We shouldn't quibble about your superpower.
18:11So, let's see you do it.
18:13Do what?
18:14Come on, stop pulling my tail.
18:16Yeah, let's see you be invisible.
18:18But I am invisible.
18:21I'm wearing the cloak of invisibility.
18:24You can't see me.
18:26Look, dear, it's that awful mist of dirt.
18:29Yeah, and look at that hideous sport coat.
18:32It's not a sport coat.
18:34It's a cloak of invisibility.
18:36Well, whatever you call it, you should get your money back.
18:39It doesn't even fit you.
18:40Don't take it so hard, Mr. Earth.
18:42Women can be cruel when it comes to fashion accessories.
18:45It's not that.
18:47I came to confront you with the aid of my new superpower,
18:51and now I find it was all a lie.
18:54Say, why'd you want to confront us, anyway?
18:57It wasn't my idea.
19:01He said if I did something, I could keep the jacket.
19:06I don't care what the ladies say.
19:08I like the jacket.
19:11Gee, that sounds like Dr. Telemach's radiation helicopters.
19:15I think they're headed this way.
19:17Come on, Mr. Earth. You're a good guy again.
19:19Help us stop the evil Dr. Telemach and foil his plan.
19:23Toxic refineries?
19:29Are you sure this is where Dr. Telemach is going to strike, Mr. Earth?
19:33Absolutely. The Troubadour Mall.
19:36Gee.
19:38Toxic refineries?
19:40I have no idea.
19:42You can't stop us anyway, Toxic Crusaders.
19:46Look.
19:47Wow. A giant bird.
19:50A giant bird?
19:52What kind of an evil plan is this?
19:54Gee, Dr. Telemach, you said you wanted to stop Dr. Mall.
19:58I guess we took you too literally now, boss.
20:01Well, it's too late now.
20:03I hope you at least have a plan to stop the Toxic Crusaders.
20:07Oh, sure, boss. I'm not totally stupid.
20:09Okay, Radiation Rangers. Seek them.
20:14Radiation Rangers! And they're headed this way?
20:18That's right. And we'll head this way.
20:23I think you're barking up the wrong tree.
20:26Oh, I think your friends are almost ready for the end of my life.
20:30Well, if you're that desperate now, it's my turn.
20:39Gee, it's almost like the Toxic Crusaders are once again defeating us.
20:43No, boss. Because speaking of the Toxic Crusaders,
20:46I don't know where I find Radiation Rangers.
20:49Oh, really? Oh, I understand.
20:51They can't be in this city.
20:53Gee, Dr. Crusaders.
20:55Look. A giant bird is about to cross the trouble-filled wall.
20:58Don't worry, fellas. I'll get it.
21:01All right.
21:03Ahh!
21:10Leave it to me!
21:19Nice going, Mr. Earth. How'd you do it?
21:22I am a little strong.
21:24But not superhumanly strong.
21:27It's Gilbert.
21:30That's Dr. Gilmour in the chamber. Get away!
21:33Hey, fellas. I've got an idea.
21:36Give me a hand with this thing.
21:38Okay. Sweet!
21:51I had a bad thought.
21:53I know. You told me so.
21:56Right.
21:59Well, Mr. Earth.
22:01I guess everything turned out okay after all.
22:04Yeah. I got to be a Toxic Crusader
22:07and beat up on some bad guys.
22:09How did you keep the job?
22:11Thanks again.
22:13Now I'm off to find my own trouble bill.
22:16And maybe even my own show.
22:18Hello, fellas.
22:24There's just one thing I'd still like to know, Toxie.
22:27What was on that paper that your mom
22:29gave you back in the mayor's office?
22:31Yeah. Whatever it was,
22:33it kept us from needing superheroing licenses.
22:35It must be a powerful document.
22:37The most powerful.
22:39A note from my mother.
22:43We're the Toxic Crusaders
22:45and we're the Toxic Crusaders
22:48and we're about to finish the job.
22:51Toxic Crusaders
22:53Toxic Crusaders
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23:25Toxic Crusaders