The Toxic Crusaders - 1x03 - Club Fred
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00:00Toxic Crusaders
00:30We're hideously deformed
00:43Hey, I'm sittin' on top of the world
00:48With my mob, choo-choo and girl
00:51Wow!
00:52Toxic Crusaders
00:54Toxic Crusaders
00:56Toxic
01:01Island City
01:04It all started on Island City,
01:06the home of that notorious bad guy known as Dr. Killamoth.
01:10At last, the moment is at hand.
01:12At last, the moment was at hand.
01:15Soon, hordes of pollution-breathing aliens
01:18from the planet Smogula
01:20will be arriving to take over Tromaville.
01:23Soon, hordes of pollution-breathing aliens
01:25from the planet Smogula
01:27would be arriving to take over Tromaville.
01:29Is there an echo in here?
01:31Oops.
01:32Maybe I better let this story unravel by itself.
01:34Maybe you'd better.
01:36I must arrange a suitable landing site
01:38for my fellow Smogulans.
01:42Any suggestions, Mayor Grody?
01:44Then, what about the Tromaville old folks' home?
01:49It's spacious, convenient,
01:51and you can walk to the supermarket.
01:54Smogulans don't have feet.
01:56They have little wheels.
01:58That's even better.
02:00All the curbs at the home have wheelchair ramps.
02:04Yeah, boss.
02:06And the old geezers will be a cinch to throw out.
02:09Bonehead is right.
02:11I remember how easy it was
02:14to throw my own dear mother out of the house.
02:18She weighed practically nothing.
02:21I like it!
02:23Psycho, fill the spray tanks with pollution solution.
02:26Bonehead, take a platoon of Radiation Rangers
02:29and toss those old duffers off the property.
02:32Yeah, and you said there was no fringe benefits to this job.
02:36I'm worried, boss.
02:38Like what if the Toxic Crusader's mom
02:40happens to be friends with one of those old biddies,
02:42and she calls on the Toxic Crusaders to help,
02:45and he and his fellow mutant creatures
02:47kick butt on our Radiation Rangers?
02:49What a preposterous idea!
02:52No wonder they call you psycho.
02:56Who dealt this mess?
02:58Quit complaining, Major Disaster.
03:00You're winning all the chips.
03:04But Blobby keeps eating them all.
03:06Hey, man, like, quit scoping on my cards, okay?
03:10These aren't your cards! They're my cards!
03:12Says who?
03:14Says me!
03:16Oh, yeah?
03:18Ow!
03:20Slap me, will ya?
03:22Ouch!
03:24Hey, Banger, stop!
03:26If entire nations can learn to get along,
03:28why can't one two-headed person?
03:32Let me sing you a little song
03:34that expresses it a lot better than I can.
03:36I wish you'd find someone who could sing a lot better than she can.
03:39Folks should like each other
03:42Like a mother likes her brother
03:46And a mister likes his sister
03:50And a father-in-law likes his...
03:54And a father-in-law, father-in-law, likes his...
03:58his...
04:00Oh, well, you get the idea.
04:02Wait, everyone!
04:04My trauma times are sending me a warning!
04:06I sense that something evil is afoot
04:08in our beloved town of Traumaville.
04:10Oh, poor little Toxie walks here.
04:12I bet you're just jealous
04:14because I didn't sing a song for you.
04:16No, Yvonne, it's something a lot worse than your singing.
04:18Is that possible?
04:20Definitely!
04:22And so make you feel all better
04:24Oh, his parents all call him Toxie
04:26And he's got a lot of moxie
04:28Don't come from Biloxi
04:30But it's the only city that rhymes
04:36So, there, feeling better?
04:38You mean since you stopped?
04:40Lots.
04:42Never been.
04:44Gosh, trading my dog for this accordion at that swap meet
04:46was the smartest move I ever, ever made.
04:50That's it.
04:52Keep the line moving.
04:54We got a dozen more vans to fill
04:56before...
04:58lunch break.
05:00Oh, Mayor Grody,
05:02you can't do this!
05:04I can do anything I want.
05:06I'm his honor,
05:08the mayor.
05:12But some of my best friends are moldy oldies.
05:14Look, lady,
05:16this is official city business.
05:18So, butt out.
05:20Unless, of course,
05:22you are a registered party voter.
05:28In which case,
05:30have a little leftover jelly donut.
05:32I'll never be that hungry.
05:36You'll pay for this,
05:38even if I didn't.
05:40I'm telling my son the superhero on you.
05:42Radiation Rangers?
05:44Here? In Tromaville?
05:46Carting away all the old folks in moving vans?
05:48Yeah, and they're not even using the kind
05:50with those heavy pads.
05:52So that's why my Tromatons were doing the Lombada.
05:54They knew they were in the presence
05:56of some great evil.
05:58Fellas, it's time for us to dish out a little justice,
06:00Toxic Crusader style.
06:02All right.
06:04Excellent notion, Toxman.
06:06We're the Toxic Crusaders.
06:08We're the Toxic Crusaders.
06:10We're the Toxic Crusaders.
06:14We're the Toxic Crusaders.
06:16But now we're the short arms.
06:18We're the Toxic Crusaders.
06:20We're the Toxic Crusaders.
06:22Boys, they're always
06:24fighting and kicking and punching.
06:26Why couldn't I have had a little girl?
06:30Come on, move it, people.
06:32Move it.
06:34Yeah, pretend like you're gonna visit your girl.
06:36Pretend like you're gonna visit your grandchildren.
06:39That'll be just about enough of that.
06:42Who said that?
06:43We did!
06:45The Toxic Crusaders!
06:48In the hideously deformed and mutilated flesh.
06:51Come on, bozos. Let's rumble!
06:54That means fight!
06:55I know that. I may be psycho, but I'm not stupid.
06:59Radiation rangers, front and center.
07:07It's okay, guys. This is our beat.
07:15Hey, listen, you mutilated moron! Try that on me!
07:18I'll handle this.
07:21Well, what are you guys doing?
07:23You're going on a little space ride, man.
07:26Ready to peel?
07:27Three, two, one, blast off!
07:31Well, what are you guys doing?
07:33You're going on a little space ride, man.
07:36Ready to peel?
07:37Three, two, one, blast off!
07:46Don't worry.
07:47Those awful people won't be bothering you anymore.
07:50Is that a promise?
07:52Cross my hideously deformed heart.
07:54Whoops!
07:55Toxic Crusaders, to thank you for rescuing us
07:58and protecting the environment,
08:00we've prepared a special celebration dinner.
08:03Cool, daddy-o. I mean, mammy-o.
08:06We're serving powdered eggs with mashed potatoes
08:09and for dessert, some grain crackers dunked in hot cocoa.
08:12If you need them, I'll even donate my extra set of teeth
08:16to chew it with.
08:17Whoa, my stomach just did a full gainer.
08:20Sometimes you really embarrass me.
08:22It sounds mighty tempting, but we hideously deformed creatures
08:26of superhuman size and strength have to avoid rich foods
08:29in order to maintain our fighting edge.
08:31I would like the teeth, though.
08:33They come in handy for pulling pins out of hand grenades.
08:39Once again, those Toxic Crusaders
08:41have destroyed my best laid plans.
08:44I told you so.
08:46I mean, wow.
08:48What an unexpected turn of events.
08:51Now, how can I get rid of those meddling mutants
08:55while I carry out my plan?
08:57What about an all-expense-paid vacation
08:59on a tropical island?
09:01I have it.
09:02We'll offer them an all-expense-paid vacation
09:05on a tropical island.
09:07What tropical island?
09:10Why, this tropical island
09:14Why, this tropical island, of course.
09:25It's nice of the post office to send this stuff airmail.
09:28They have to.
09:29What mailman in his right mind would enter this dump?
09:31You're right.
09:32Rain and snow and glue, but that is one thing.
09:35But toxic schmutz, forget it.
09:37Congratulations.
09:39You're the lucky winner
09:41of an all-expense-paid vacation
09:44at Club Fred.
09:46Oh, wow.
09:47Totally triumphant, man.
09:49A freebie vacation.
09:51Bender, you're a scientist.
09:53What are the odds of four hideously deformed creatures
09:55of superhuman size and strength
09:57all winning the same contest?
10:00It's got to be at least 11 to 1.
10:03We better start packing our meager belongings.
10:06They've taken the bait.
10:08The toxic crusaders don't know it,
10:10but for them, Club Fred
10:12will soon turn out to be...
10:14Club Dead.
10:16Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
10:18Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
10:39Six miserable palm trees?
10:42Is that all the foliage you can find?
10:45Hey, don't blame us, boss.
10:47Palm trees don't grow on trees, you know.
10:49The toxic crusaders will be arriving this afternoon.
10:52We must disguise this island
10:54to look like a Club Fred.
10:56Trust me, boss.
10:58Those bozos are so stupid,
11:00they won't even know the difference.
11:02I don't know, chief.
11:04What if every trick we pull on them backfires
11:06because their sweet-natured innocence protects them
11:09and we end up getting clobbered instead?
11:11Are you starting it again?
11:13Just a thought. Forget I said anything.
11:20They like us.
11:22They really like us.
11:24It's something we superheroes must learn to live with.
11:27Oh, Toxy, I'll miss you so.
11:29Give me a hug, you big lug.
11:31A hug? You bet.
11:34I simply melt when you hold me.
11:36Sort of like those plastic flowers you brought me?
11:38Exactly.
11:39Hey, cool.
11:41They sent us our own personal hovercraft.
11:49Bye, Yvonne. Bye, Mom.
11:52Always wear clean underwear.
11:54You never know when you'll get run over by a golf cart.
11:58Welcome to the play
12:03Our own tropical island
12:07We serve breakfast in bed
12:11We know you'll go home smiling
12:15Hmm, there's something familiar about those two guys.
12:19I got a nose for those things.
12:22Hold on.
12:24This is no tropical resort.
12:26It's Island City.
12:28What vile scheme has Dr. Killamoff up to this time?
12:31Scheme? No scheme. Honest.
12:35He decided to go timeshare condo with the place.
12:38Some kind of tax shelter.
12:40And speaking of shelters, where do you guys see your luxurious suite?
12:45Well, what do you think, huh?
12:47This is a luxury suite?
12:49A radioactive chemical container in the middle of an oozing swamp
12:52bubbling with poisonous gases?
12:54I wanted you to feel at home.
12:56And look at the way it glows.
12:58You won't have to leave a light on when you go out.
13:00And believe me, we intend to go out a lot further.
13:04Splendid!
13:06With those dimwits here on the island,
13:08my radiation rangers will be able to take over Tromaville
13:12without interference.
13:14Attention, attack helicopters!
13:16Activate the full-scale invasion of Tromaville!
13:21While we were off enjoying our Club Fred vacation,
13:24a stranger appeared in Tromaville
13:26whose arrival would change our lives forever.
13:34You guys are just going to love hang gliding.
13:37Yeah, you're going to love it to death.
13:41I just know I know these guys from someplace.
13:45No, Zone, you're just imagining things.
13:47How come you're doing all that sawing?
13:50Well, that's just the light and the load.
13:52When you're a four-man hang gliding,
13:54every ounce counts.
13:56Okay, all done.
13:58All right, we're ready. Show us how you do this.
14:00Now pay close attention.
14:02You grab onto the main strut like this,
14:04and then you...
14:08Maybe we better practice that, fellas.
14:20Kill-'em-all ain't gonna like this.
14:22Oh, and like I do.
14:28Hello there.
14:30You must be the Toxic Crusader's mom.
14:33I can see the resemblance.
14:35Well, you have your nerve.
14:37I only meant it in the nicest sense.
14:41Oh, well, in that case, thank you.
14:45I'm looking for your mother.
14:48Yeah, I'm looking for your son.
14:50He's away at a Club Fred resort
14:52enjoying a well-deserved vacation.
14:55Oh, I'll try again another time.
14:58You've been real kind.
15:00Oh, and one more thing.
15:02Yeah, yeah, yeah.
15:03Stay off my lawn.
15:05Bad dog, bad dog.
15:10Okay, all set.
15:12This is really gonna blow those Toxic Crusaders away.
15:14Just in time. Here they come now.
15:16Yo, I don't care. Hey, come on over here.
15:21What's up?
15:22Oh, we want to take a picture of you guys.
15:24Epic notion.
15:26Maybe later we could have it blown up.
15:29You don't even have to wait.
15:30You can be blown up right now.
15:32What a strange-looking camera.
15:34Hmm, and Insta-blastic.
15:36I think I've heard of them.
15:38It's one of those 35-millimeter jobs.
15:40Right, 35-millimeter cannon.
15:43But first, let's take a snapshot of you fellas.
15:45No, don't. Stop.
15:47That's it. Wave.
15:48No, wait.
15:49Stop. Stop.
15:50No picture.
15:51Stop.
15:55Boy, these new cameras sure don't like it if you move.
16:02Sorry to disturb you folks, but how do I get to Club Fred?
16:09Don't be afraid. I don't bite.
16:11See?
16:12My tail is wagging.
16:16Maybe these people know.
16:18Hey, fellas, I'm looking for a club named Fred.
16:22Is it this way?
16:23Or is it that way?
16:26When can a bad guy get a break around here?
16:30You guys will really enjoy this.
16:32It's called windsurfing.
16:34Bye-bye.
16:40What a joke.
16:41Those dum-dums don't know it,
16:43but they're headed straight for 10 tons of nuclear explosives.
16:47Pretty neat, huh?
16:49Hang ten, Bunger.
16:51Okay, I'll hang five, and you hang five.
16:55All right, we got them this time.
17:06I'm looking for the Toxic Crusader.
17:10Hey, what's in that?
17:14Whoa, what's happening?
17:16I don't know. Something's pulling us away.
17:21Uh-oh, let's move.
17:23What does it look like I'm doing?
17:30It's Bonehead and Psycho.
17:33I told you there was something familiar about those guys.
17:37We'd better go tell Killamorph about this.
17:41No need to, you dipsticks.
17:44Dr. Killamorph already knows.
17:47I don't know who you are, but thanks.
17:50The name's Junkyard.
17:52Us hideously deformed critters have to help one another in this crazy world of ours.
17:56So tell us, how did you become hideously deformed?
17:59Do we have time for a flashback?
18:01Sure, it'll take Killamorph a while to come up with a new scheme to destroy us.
18:06It happened some time ago.
18:09It was a dark and stormy night.
18:11Man, how come all dogs start their stories the same way?
18:15I didn't finish, Fender. Speak, Junkyard.
18:19No, no, no, I mean speak.
18:21Oh, well, like I was saying, it was a dark and stormy night.
18:26I was working the night shift at the Junkyard.
18:29That's me on the right, when this hobo crawled in to keep dry.
18:40The toxic ooze had fused us together.
18:43I was now half bow-wow and half bum.
18:46Now that I could read,
18:48I discovered newspapers were good for more than just house-training puppies.
18:52I read about Tromaville, the town where all hideously deformed creatures
18:56of superhuman size and strength seem to end up.
19:01Whoa, you finished that flashback just in time.
19:03Look what's coming.
19:05Apocalypse, attack helicopters.
19:07And look over there, radiation ranges.
19:09As a former military man, I'd say we're surrounded.
19:12Toxic crusaders, let's fight for decency and honor.
19:16We could really use some heroic music about now.
19:20That's more like it.
19:23What has four wheels and flies?
19:25An Apocalypse garbage truck.
19:31A tree, I need a tree.
19:33Nah, it's not what you're thinking.
19:47That does it.
19:49No more Mr. Affable Alien.
19:52Now, we get down and dirty.
19:54Psycho, Bonehead, where are you?
19:57Here, Dr. Killamaw, right next to the poluto tank.
20:00An excellent stroke of geographic good fortune,
20:03because I want you to release it this instant.
20:06Poluto? The giant oil slick?
20:08But don't you remember, it got blown up in the first episode.
20:11And it's still pretty ticked off about the whole thing.
20:17I said, release poluto!
20:21Okay, you are the doctor.
20:24Sick him, fella.
20:29Uh-oh, poluto is headed right for us.
20:31I thought he got blown up in the first episode.
20:34Ew, what a gross-out, man.
20:37Those noises sound just like an upset stomach.
20:40Giant antacid pills to stop a giant oil slick?
20:43You know the saying, you've got to fight heartburn with fire.
20:47Ready, set, throw!
21:03Whoa!
21:05Whoa!
21:13The Toxic Crusaders rule!
21:17Repeat after me.
21:19I, Junkyard, promise to obey all the rules of the Toxic Crusaders.
21:24I, Junkyard, promise to obey all the rules of the Toxic Crusaders.
21:29And to stay on top of the world.
21:32I, Junkyard, promise to obey all the rules of the Toxic Crusaders.
21:37And to stay off the furniture.
21:39And to stay off the furniture.
21:41Hey!
21:42Just fooling.
21:43For he's a jolly good fight-o.
21:50For he's a jolly good fight-o.
21:54For he's a jolly good fight-o.
21:58Hooray for Junkyard!
22:00Hooray for Junkyard!
22:02And this will be your own special house.
22:06Gosh.
22:08I got so much to learn from you guys.
22:11We can both learn from each other.
22:13In fact, you've already taught us a valuable lesson.
22:16I have?
22:17Me?
22:18What?
22:19Let's show him, fellas.
22:28Let's show him, fellas.