The Braxtons Episode 2
The Braxtons Episode 2 - Healing Takes Time
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00:00The Braxtons aren't bad guys I went to the doctor I don't want to get them
00:19riled up oh it's only okay what's wrong with your heart I was told that you
00:25will eventually need bypass surgery because if I have a heart attack I won't
00:29survive little Kevin is not just Tracy son he's our only child I don't want him
00:36to go into a downward spiral we need to go ahead and go on grief counseling
00:40would you want to be a part of that too Tracy love buttermilk biscuits so I'm
00:45making her in her honor this week is the two-year anniversary of Tracy's passing
00:50since everything happened even with Tracy I I would have thought that maybe
00:54you know it would have brought everybody to a different place where we're closer
00:58but that's not what happened here I should have had my sisters to lean on to
01:02be those people for me to talk to since you're the person that called tell me
01:06what do you feel like you need help with
01:10Trina was there when Tracy took her last breath
01:18when we as a family go through therapy sessions a lot of things are revealed
01:30what I'm really feeling is for Kevin hmm what are you feeling for Kevin pain
01:47pain yeah hurt hmm yeah are you able to feel your own pain oh I felt that hmm
01:59every day but I heard you say I felt that well I don't think it can ever
02:04prepare a person to lose their child amen it's a difference I carried Tracy
02:10and if she can never be replaced hmm I almost lost Tracy three times when I was
02:19carrying her another time and Tracy had this high fever but this time I couldn't
02:25say and it may hurt what I'm saying but she was so ill I did pray that God
02:31would take I didn't want to see my child suffering like that it was hard but
02:37she's always present with yes all the time and believe it or not Tracy comes
02:44she visits me and I see her hmm cuz I know one day I mean if I got to get up
02:51out of here too I don't care how fine I am what I look like it doesn't matter
02:56and so I'll see you again amen it's okay the last time we were filming we were in
03:03LA we were there celebrating Tony's birthday and Tracy said hmm it burns like
03:12it hurts when I swallow like it really burns and me and Trina were like Tracy
03:17you need to go to the doctors as soon as you get home and she was like I am
03:23I'm a cold but it's don't feel right it just don't feel right once you got home
03:27she went to the doctor and that's when they told her she had cancer and they
03:32said it was esophageal cancer and it was stage three at the time Tracy said but
03:39I'm going to beat this I'm going to be an example for other women to get
03:45through this I said I know you will Trey
03:50my sister Tracy always tends to make the best out of everything and act as if
03:55nothing's wrong but I could see past the mask we love each other extremely hard
04:03and when the when time gets rough we go running
04:15we just kept flying back and forth this year we took turns with different things
04:26and everyone had their own role in being there for her we laughed a lot with her
04:35we cried a lot with her there were times we had pajama jammy jams no I don't know
04:44and we did karaoke sessions we watched a lot of Judge Judy we had conversations
05:02about her turkey wings I'm the only person she gave a recipe to and we
05:08talked about motorcycles and what that meant to her I never knew this that her
05:13favorite movie was what's the Disney movie the only black Disney movie
05:20Princess and the Frog!
05:22Yes! What's her name? Tawana?
05:24Tiawana?
05:26Tiana! She love that bitch!
05:28I look like I wouldn't run it every day. I don't.
05:37When we stayed together at her house in the bed and we talked
05:42and she said mommy I love you you were the best mother and we just embraced all night long
05:57I will always remember that
06:01Why don't you organize your cards?
06:03Why are you in my call?
06:05Because you're showing them to me.
06:07I don't want them cheating to beat you.
06:09I want them with your butt fair and square.
06:12Tony Braxton has a gangster.
06:17I remember so many days that the doctor's office would call us and say she has 48 hours
06:23it's 24 hours she has eight hours and then it would be the next month they
06:28would say the same thing again.
06:30Tracy, Tony's in bed with you.
06:34We watch movies together.
06:36Look her face up.
06:38We know.
06:40Tracy was a fighter.
06:42She was a fighter to the very very end.
06:44For the good days.
06:46For the bad days.
06:48For the very bad days.
06:52That was
06:56one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life.
07:00In my life.
07:06But
07:08I'd do it again.
07:10Absolutely.
07:14Where are you in your process?
07:22I can't help you if you guys aren't clear on what you actually want to talk about as real problems.
07:28So that we can get right to the root of it.
07:30To heal it.
07:33What do you mean by getting to the root of it?
07:35Grief is connected to everything else.
07:37Right?
07:39And unfortunately when you're in processes like this
07:41where there are things that you don't want to talk about
07:43things that can't be said
07:45you're not free in what you say.
07:47And it is not actually really therapeutic.
07:50Well I'm not free at all.
07:57From?
07:59From what Trini?
08:01From anything.
08:03And Tawanda was right.
08:06I said Trina
08:08you're not strong enough
08:10to watch Tracy take her last breath.
08:12And I was like Tawanda
08:14yes I am.
08:16You can't tell me what I'm strong enough to do.
08:18Uh uh.
08:20Trina and I was there.
08:22And I thought I was strong
08:24but I wasn't strong enough.
08:26I wasn't.
08:28I wasn't strong enough to see it.
08:32I know how sensitive Trina is
08:34and I know that that wouldn't be good for her.
08:38Those are the things that will scar you
08:40for the rest of your life.
08:48I almost feel
08:50all of Tracy's energy just go
08:52as you see.
08:54Literally it almost went
08:56inch by inch by inch
08:58by inch.
09:00And I see it almost
09:02I'm sorry.
09:08Uh oh.
09:10We understand you may have an
09:12active warrant.
09:14That sound like the police.
09:16What's going on?
09:18Y'all got so many secrets it's so irritating.
09:20Wait a minute what?
09:22Every time you call I answer.
09:24So I'm a liar?
09:26No you said that.
09:28You act like you guys are enemies.
09:31Don't you know
09:33how short life is?
09:35Can't you see?
09:41I almost feel
09:43all of Tracy's energy just go
09:45as you see.
09:47Literally it almost went
09:49inch by inch by inch
09:51by inch.
09:53And I see it almost
09:55I'm sorry.
09:57And I can't lose this weight
09:59I eat all my emotions
10:01I eat yours
10:03I eat yours
10:05I eat mine too.
10:07And if somebody said Trina drinks too much
10:09well I'm sorry.
10:11That's what Trina needs right now.
10:13If Trina gets fat
10:15that is what Trina needs right now.
10:17I need to eat all the grease
10:19and all the fried foods
10:21and all the okra
10:23and all the seafood
10:25that's in the world right now
10:27that helps me right now.
10:29What does it do for you?
10:31It satisfies something
10:33in my body.
10:35And if I have
10:37a martini or 12
10:39it allows me
10:41to separate myself
10:43from the reality of going to bed.
10:48Because I'm up
10:50Tawanda will tell you I'm up
10:52Mommy will tell you I'm up to 6 and 7 o'clock in the morning
10:54I don't sleep
10:56The sun comes up
10:58before I go to bed
11:00every night
11:02for two years
11:04every night
11:06because I don't want the darkness on me
11:08when I close my eyes
11:10because I see her
11:12in that green kimono
11:14every day
11:16every day
11:20and I don't know what to do with it.
11:22Honestly God I don't know what to do with it.
11:25What do I do with it?
11:27What do I do with it?
11:29She's here for you. I'm sorry.
11:31What do I do with it?
11:33I'm so sorry.
11:35What do I do with it?
11:37Can I touch you?
11:39Don't touch me.
11:43This is what the process looks like
11:45beautiful. This is it.
11:50I don't know what to do with the noise
11:52in my head
11:54that's why when I go to sleep the television is on
11:56something has to be on
11:58so I'm not left alone
12:00with my thought process
12:02and it's
12:04a lot.
12:08Yes it is.
12:10Trina you're not just dealing with grief
12:12you're dealing with post-traumatic stress disorder
12:14that too
12:16and you need treatment
12:18and the food
12:20and the alcohol is just
12:22self-medicating
12:24the pain.
12:34I went to Tamar's concert
12:36and she did a dedication
12:38to Tracy
12:42and I turned into mush
12:44into nothingness and I didn't want to make it a bad moment
12:46for Tamar so I tried to
12:48keep my composure as much as I could
12:51but Tamar came and checked on me
12:53I don't even know how you continued on
12:57I don't know.
13:01Because that's my way of grieving
13:03I got a lot of tools when I went
13:05to grief therapy
13:11Okay Tawanda
13:13what about you? How are you dealing with
13:15your grief?
13:17I look at death
13:19and grief differently for me
13:21I believe that
13:23energy and spirit
13:25in your soul never dies
13:27I believe that even though Tracy's not here
13:29physically that Tracy's still here
13:31just not in a physical form
13:33So there's a different kind of piece
13:35about that. Oh God yes
13:37I mean I have moments of damn
13:39but then
13:41I know
13:43that I can still talk to her
13:45I know that I can still have moments with her
13:47and maybe nobody else can physically see it
13:49with their physical eyes but I can experience
13:51it with my energy
13:55What are you all feeling about where you guys are?
14:03It's bothersome for me
14:07that we're in a place
14:09as far as sisters are concerned
14:11to where it's like
14:13before Tracy passed
14:15it was like we had our whole
14:17familial unit but it seems like
14:19everybody just went to their own
14:21ecosystem of the world
14:23everybody went to their own corner
14:25we're not connected like we were
14:27we used to be able to talk on the phone for hours
14:29Tamar calls Tawanda, Tawanda calls Tony, Tony calls me
14:31and we just sit on the phone and we laugh
14:35that same feeling, that same
14:37closeness
14:41we don't even have that anymore
14:45I miss my friend
14:47yeah
14:51I miss what she brought to all of us
14:53yes
14:55some things she said was just like
14:57off the wall and nobody understood
14:59but her
15:01well pluck my chicken a thousand times
15:05my nerves is shot to shingles
15:07I'm sorry I stepped on a roach
15:09and I'm nothing I've said
15:12I beat ya
15:14I beat ya
15:16til your butt turn red
15:18did she say which one she was at?
15:20she gave you a name?
15:22yes honey
15:24oh you got pinched
15:26I did a special
15:28I am still attracted
15:30alright
15:32I still got a beautiful heinie
15:34the gluteus maximus
15:36I am devastated
15:38I mean what do I have to do to get some pincherization
15:40what is Tracy's secret?
15:42bad bad
15:44that's what they heard Tracy
15:46you know what I mean?
15:48Tracy was a
15:5024 hour pot of coffee
15:54banana pudding, banana pudding, banana pudding
15:56banana pudding
16:00banana pudding, banana pudding
16:02y'all know that
16:04no, no, no it's one
16:06I always remember Tracy
16:08just that fun loving
16:10out going
16:12just special
16:14person that she was
16:16I'm so excited
16:18I'm so excited I can't wait to do this again
16:22wear the crown
16:24be the crown
16:26you are the crown
16:28I just want to be
16:30valued
16:32you know messy crown
16:35and you are valued
16:39give it up for Tracy
16:43Tracy I love you so much
16:45I love you too
16:47I'm so happy
16:49to be your mother
16:51thank you
16:53oh my baby
16:55I love you so
16:57so much
16:59don't tell your sisters that
17:01I love you
17:03I'm gonna start some crap then
17:05I love you
17:07we're supposed to kiss with this
17:09covid and everything
17:11you came that damn God
17:13God was like
17:15forget 2020
17:17I told mommy this and Mikey this
17:19I think Tracy was the clue
17:21and we never realized she was the double stick clue
17:29I have to call y'all back
17:31you good?
17:33baby what happened
17:35are you serious
17:37even outside of all this
17:39nobody has called me to tell me nothing
17:41this is not the forum
17:43I just lost a child
17:45I can't take it
17:47it's too much
17:57Tony I'm wondering what is it like
17:59your sister falling apart
18:01in her grief
18:05tell me where are you
18:07in your own process
18:09I am probably
18:11in the angry stage
18:13I'm definitely not at acceptance yet
18:15do you know
18:17any part
18:19of what you need
18:21that is missing in order to help you
18:23get to a deeper sense of peace
18:25you just know
18:28it's missing
18:30I just keep it all suppressed
18:32because that's what I'm supposed to do
18:34according to who
18:36I guess the role I was given in life
18:42you're welcome
18:44what exactly does that mean
18:46I just think it's the role I'm supposed to have
18:48so I just wear it
18:50being the oldest and the oldest sister
18:52it's really hard for me to ask my family
18:54for support
18:56not in the way you think
18:58because we always support each other
19:00just wanting to talk to them about things
19:02because I feel like I always have to be the strong one
19:04and I'm invincible and I'm always right
19:06not really
19:08but they think I think I'm always right
19:10and I don't know how to feel vulnerable
19:12and let them know that I'm human too
19:14I'm super sister
19:20so then what is that like to be you
19:22who can't express
19:24the anger that you feel
19:26in losing your sister
19:28before Tracy passed
19:30I was kind of angry at God
19:32why would God take her
19:34I thought it was unfair
19:36it's unfair
19:38that Tracy's the one that's sick
19:40the one that's dying
19:42and I have lupus
19:44I feel guilt
19:46because I felt like
19:48I was the one that was going to die first
19:50and I was angry
19:52I was like Tracy's had so many obstacles
19:54and why would God take her
19:56I thought it was unfair
19:58I just felt
20:00I'm the oldest
20:02I've been here the longest
20:04I have lupus
20:06I'm trying to figure out
20:08because you'll never not be the oldest
20:10and you want to work on your grief
20:12I'm trying to figure out
20:14how do you imagine that you'll be able to
20:16if you believe that you should
20:18just always keep it together
20:22I use
20:24my music to try to help me soothe
20:26or self-medicate that way
20:28music helps me a lot
20:30I'll try to go back to how I felt
20:32years ago
20:34just before my career happened
20:36that innocence in it
20:38and it soothes me
20:40it gives me inner peace
20:42because I was hungry
20:44and it was innocent
20:46I'm so beyond grateful for what I have
20:48but going back to a time in my life
20:51it makes me feel at peace
20:53I had less responsibilities
20:55so much hope for the future
20:57I know I still need to process
20:59my pain and anger but I also have to
21:01be gentle with myself too
21:03you have your sisters here, you have your mother here
21:05what can they do in the now
21:07to help it get better
21:09my parents did a fantastic job of teaching
21:11us the core of family and being together
21:13but they didn't do the best job
21:15of letting us live our lives individually
21:17feel guilt
21:19and feel responsible
21:21for each other
21:23almost like you do for your children
21:29it's almost like you put your sisters ahead of your
21:31kids sometimes and I had to work really hard
21:33to put my kids first
21:35because I was taught it was always about family
21:37immediate family
21:39that part is difficult and challenging
21:41for me to try to navigate
21:45but one of the things that's important
21:47I'm sorry Spirit can we ask Daddy
21:49and Kevin how they're feeling
21:51before we move forward
21:53Daddy the question is how are you feeling
21:55about therapy
21:57I'm just here to
21:59try to learn and understand
22:01what my family
22:03is going through also
22:05so I can be a part of their healing process
22:09and what about Kevin Jr
22:11Kevin what are you feeling tonight
22:14everyday
22:16I'm hurt
22:18no one in my family right now
22:20knows how it feels
22:22to lose a mother
22:24it's like losing a part of me
22:26and
22:28it's hard
22:30I got a lot going on
22:32on my behalf
22:34so not only am I grieving my mother
22:36I'm also grieving me losing my wife
22:38so
22:40it's always a hard thing to adjust to
22:42especially when
22:44you have someone that
22:46had conversations with
22:48your mother saying that
22:50they have your back
22:52saying that no matter
22:54how hard it's going to get
22:56they're going to be by your side
22:58and then
23:00it came to a point where
23:04she sent me papers
23:06a couple of months before my mother's
23:08two year anniversary
23:10of her passing
23:12so
23:14that was hurtful too
23:16it was
23:18blindsided
23:24hold on one second
23:26I would be curious about whether or not
23:28Kevin is working with anybody
23:30in individual therapy as well
23:32but the power of family
23:34can be equally powerful because
23:36you all are bouncing off of
23:38each other constantly
23:40and sometimes that's positively
23:44is that Kevin's mic?
23:48that sound like the police
23:52that's the police
23:54don't y'all trust me
23:56let him handle this
23:58why you ain't got the police
24:00what's going on
24:02you gonna have to tell him
24:04I said he's gonna have to tell you
24:07are we assuming
24:09that this is the police or you know
24:11to be honest
24:13I have to call y'all back
24:15are you okay?
24:17you good?
24:19we'll call you
24:21go check on him
24:23sorry
24:27what is happening
24:29we don't know
24:31we don't know baby
24:33looks like we lost daddy on the call too
24:35hey baby what happened
24:37take a deep breath nephew
24:39what's that really the police
24:41that's what it sound like to me
24:43are you serious
24:45it did
24:47what's going on
24:49y'all got so many secrets
24:51I don't have any secrets
24:53wait a minute what
24:55like Trina's going tapping
24:57I don't care
24:59but this is not the forum
25:01this is not the forum
25:03Kevin's business is not the forum
25:05what about the outside forum
25:07I don't know what's going on either
25:09did he call you and tell you
25:11that's not my business to tell you
25:13what just happened
25:19I was here before
25:21with who
25:23friend of mine
25:25let me find out
25:27I got girlfriends and I got boyfriends
25:29did you call me yesterday
25:32I did actually
25:34well because we're taping now
25:36no ma'am
25:43who did that
25:45are you serious
25:47let's just take a deep breath
25:49I'm on the phone with you I got you
25:51tell me what you need me to do
25:53what is happening
25:55what's that really the police
25:57that's what it sound like to me
25:59are you serious
26:01what just happened
26:03I don't know
26:05my frustration is that
26:07it's a bunch of secrets and I'm just like
26:09what's going on
26:11even outside of all of this I don't know anything
26:13I don't either
26:15I'm not there to even tell you what's going on
26:17hold on one second for me if you guys don't mind
26:19I think maybe what happened now
26:21this is not the first time
26:23that something like this has happened for you guys
26:25I assume this is just what family looks like
26:27right everybody has a personality
26:29everybody has a boundary a belief
26:31how are you guys feeling about where
26:33you guys are now
26:35Kevin is abruptly
26:37pulled away
26:39where does this leave you guys in the process
26:41I wish I could give you some answers
26:45energy is just weird
26:47what are the charges
26:49put them on speaker
26:51I want to know the charges
26:53our energy got really weird
26:55everybody's energy got defensive
26:57I'm not going to say everybody
26:59I think all of us
27:01got defensive
27:03I don't think this is all just about
27:05Kevin Jr. as a
27:07symptom of a deeper issue in our family
27:09I think Tamar
27:11being the youngest
27:13sometimes she thinks maybe we don't want to worry her
27:15I think people tend to do that with the youngest
27:17and that's not okay
27:19I don't know what's going on
27:21I just know he's going through a divorce
27:23I have no idea why cops would be at his house
27:26that's indeed what happened
27:30I asked the police
27:32I said so what's going on
27:34they said well someone anonymously called
27:36and said that he has a warrant
27:40so he has a warrant
27:42but he doesn't know
27:44so he just went to jail
27:46so he's going to go before commissioner
27:48to figure out what
27:50the warrant is actually about
27:52we can't assume
27:54anything
27:56because we don't know
27:58I think that
28:00someone close to Kevin
28:02called and set him up
28:04the timing of it all
28:06the timing of the grief counseling
28:08the timing of the call
28:10of the cops showing up at his house
28:12is too coincidental
28:14it's like really
28:16who would know that he's there
28:18that's not a coincidence
28:20what would Tracy do
28:22to be down there right now
28:24I can't begin to imagine
28:26what little Kevin is feeling right now
28:28he's just lost his mom
28:30he's an only child from his parents
28:32he probably feels alone
28:34and as his aunties we try to be there for him
28:36but I think there's a void we could never fill
28:38so obviously we're going to have to meet with you again
28:42that's what I was going to ask
28:44that's the question
28:46do you all have the focus to do the work
28:48or do we need to reconvene at another time
28:51reconvene for what?
28:53because I think the energy is
28:55I don't think we're open to receiving anything right now
28:57because now I'm worried about Tracy's son
28:59maybe she can talk to you individually
29:01I went to grief counseling
29:03listen I'm all here for
29:05advocating for
29:07a healthy mental health
29:09because you never know who you're going to reach
29:11who needs to be touched
29:13I move in a space
29:15of
29:17what's best
29:19for my health
29:21and what is going to
29:23allow me to remain
29:25physically
29:27and mentally here for
29:29not just myself but for my child
29:31and the people who love me
29:33and I have no shame about that
29:39my boundaries is very serious
29:41and you know I don't waver
29:43my boundaries for anybody or anything
29:45and
29:47and I don't know how to
29:49respectfully convey that
29:51to a stranger
29:53that doesn't know everything that we have been through
29:55or what I have personally been through
29:57but you know
29:59I put my foot down and it stays down
30:03it no longer serves me to beg
30:05I have no desire
30:07can I ask what do you mean beg?
30:09you said I don't want to beg
30:11oh beg for
30:13sisterhood, beg for
30:15a friendship, beg for
30:17time, beg for
30:19none of that
30:25this is a prepaid call from Kevin
30:27an inmate at the county correctional
30:29facility, are you okay?
30:31it's my mom, I guess not
30:33we don't know what's really
30:35going on
30:37let's find out why he's there
30:39I'm fed up
30:41you deal with it cause I'm tired
30:44do what you want to do
30:46what do you mean
30:48beg?
30:50beg for sisterhood
30:52beg for friendship
30:54beg for time
30:56beg for none of that
30:58I'm sorry if I made you feel like you were begging
31:00it was never my intention
31:02I would never want you to feel like you were begging
31:04for
31:06sisterhood or time
31:08like for real for my heart I would never want you to feel
31:10that way
31:12it's something we're doing wrong
31:14as sisters and we're not getting it
31:16because Tamar has felt this before
31:18I call all of my
31:20siblings, I damn near
31:22beg them to come hang out with me
31:24and the answer is always no
31:26or there is no answer
31:28and I wish she could explain it to us
31:30or she felt she could trust us
31:32enough to be vulnerable and honest
31:34there are times
31:36that I don't understand my sister
31:38I don't get her but I'm
31:40trying so hard to
31:42I want to see things from her perspective
31:44I can't speak for
31:46anyone but me and you
31:48and our relationship
31:50when you call me and say Trina
31:52will you come over 9 times out of 10
31:549 times out of 10
31:56where do I go?
31:58I come 9 times out of 10
32:00I appreciate that
32:02it's not about appreciation it's because I want to be there
32:04I want to foster a relationship with you
32:06individually and collectively
32:08with the rest of our sisterhood not sistership
32:10I think that's one of the things that our
32:12sisterhood we have problems with
32:14we always put everything into a
32:16bundle just be honest to the person
32:18that you're having the problem with
32:20because it obviously is not me
32:22say how you feel but say it to the person that you feel it about
32:24period
32:26how does it impact you guys as sisters
32:28not to be able to have at least
32:30one of you guys that will plug in
32:32in that space
32:34there's a real firm boundary there that
32:36says you do not get access to
32:38me anymore for whatever the reason is
32:40for me you have to respect where a person
32:42is that's just it and until that
32:44person or whoever is
32:46willing to move forward in that way
32:48then you just have to respect where they are
32:50the respect is a behavior
32:52but I want to know how it feels to
32:54not have access to your sister
32:56be honest I don't care
32:58it's not connected
33:00to a feeling though
33:02it's not
33:04it's not connected to a feeling
33:06it's not connected to a feeling
33:08how does your sister say
33:10you don't have access to
33:12me and you don't care
33:14that you don't have access to me
33:16and it doesn't cause you to feel anything
33:18it's just
33:20I guess the feeling is numb
33:22because it's not positive
33:24and it's not negative
33:26and I will tell you that numb is a feeling
33:28it's a very important one
33:30numb is a feeling that we go to
33:32our body shuts down
33:34when what we actually feel is so overwhelming
33:36that to feel that would hurt too much
33:38so then we just learned how to channel
33:40and block it out
33:42well no because it's not blocked
33:44or it's the feeling mutual
33:46keep it gangsta dog
33:48why we gotta sit up and act like
33:50it's a matter of respect
33:52I respect where people are
33:54that's just it
33:56I respect where people are
33:58I don't engage
34:00into certain types of energy
34:02I make different choices in my life
34:04and that's just
34:06where I am
34:08now this is
34:10TV Josh
34:14outside
34:16of yesterday
34:18and today when was the last time you
34:20talked to me
34:22I don't recall
34:24it wasn't my birthday because you didn't call me
34:26my birthday is September here we are in March
34:28I am in
34:30a space
34:32of
34:34I'm just focusing on my
34:36relationship
34:38whoever is in my household
34:40I'm focusing on my children
34:42I'm focusing on my relationship
34:44in your household
34:46they call me I talk to them everyday
34:48girl you don't answer them
34:50let's be specific
34:52did you call me yesterday
34:54did I answer it
34:56no no no no ma'am
34:58no ma'am
35:00when you called me every time you called
35:02girl that is not the truth
35:04every time you called I answered
35:06every time you text
35:08I answer
35:10that's a fact
35:12that's a fact
35:14so I'm a liar
35:16no you said that I didn't call you that
35:18that's the word that you're using
35:20everyone knows that
35:22I always have receipts
35:24but what's the point of showing it
35:26my word should be my word
35:28facts are facts and words can't change it
35:30what she will do is
35:32she'll give you the carrot and move forward
35:34ok this is how I feel ok now forget it
35:36ok this is how I feel ok now forget it
35:38so either you're gonna go here or you're not
35:40I just did
35:42no you did not
35:44no you did not
35:46what's happening between you and her right now
35:48if a person gives me something
35:50and tells me this is how I'm feeling
35:52I respect where they are
35:54that's it
35:56but the reason why is because
35:58but you can't speak for me
36:00sure you said because you said
36:02you just said no she's not
36:04I'm listening to every word that you're saying
36:06me too
36:08you said no she's not and then you took it back and said
36:10I'm not speaking for you but you in fact did
36:14that's all I'm saying
36:16you know
36:18I am just so sick
36:22and tired
36:26you act like
36:28you guys are enemies
36:32I am tired of it
36:34you can't sit down
36:36and have a decent
36:38conversation
36:40without all of this
36:42foolishness
36:44all I care about
36:46all I care about
36:48is you guys
36:52I just lost a child
36:54suppose something
36:56happened
37:00take your glasses off
37:02suppose you walk out that door tonight
37:04one of you guys
37:06are killed
37:08don't you know how short
37:10life is
37:12don't you know
37:14can't you see
37:18I can't take it
37:20it's too much
37:28don't you know
37:30can't you see
37:34I can't take it
37:36it's too much
37:38simple things
37:40simple things
37:42you want to argue
37:44over that
37:46tell me what is
37:48wrong
37:50what's wrong
37:54it's too much
37:58it's too much
38:02Tracy even talked to you guys
38:04don't you remember
38:06she said if y'all continue to
38:08argue
38:10I'm going to haunt you
38:12she said because it's not
38:14necessary
38:16that's what she said
38:26life is too short
38:28I promise you
38:30I promise you that
38:32so go ahead
38:34and act like a fool
38:36I'm tired of going to God
38:38for the same thing
38:40Lord please bless my kids
38:42please help them
38:44to have forgiveness
38:46please show them the way
38:48please help them show their children
38:50what the devil y'all showing them
38:52how to be against
38:54one another
39:00stop it
39:02I'm fed up
39:04you deal with it because I'm tired
39:06do what you want to do
39:08these are grown behind
39:10people
39:12I'm not going to be in the middle of this
39:14they have issues
39:16that I can't fix
39:18and it's not my place
39:20to fix it
39:22I'm not a fixer
39:24I'm a mother
39:26and you're not going to kill me
39:28how about that
39:30you said a lot to your girls
39:32and I think it matters
39:34to each of them
39:36they were affected
39:40you don't believe that they were though
39:42no that's not
39:44that's not it that I don't
39:46believe it I'm just disappointed in them
39:48because you know
39:50enough is enough
39:52but I would say hold out the hope
39:54because maybe this is the beginning
39:56right
39:58I know it feels like that
40:00I've been talking to my children forever
40:02since they were in the womb
40:04well one of the things that I am hoping
40:06for this family
40:08I'm hoping what your mom is hoping
40:10is that you all
40:12will find your way to change
40:14but you have to be
40:16motivated for it
40:18you have to be willing to do the work for it
40:20and you have to be willing to take accountability
40:22for the parts that you are willing to do
40:24and the parts that you're not
40:26obviously we need to have a couple of these
40:28sessions to get to the core
40:30but we appreciate you coming here and taking the time
40:32and hoping that we can do it again
40:34and do a deeper dive
40:36absolute pleasure
40:38and anytime that you guys want to do the work
40:40give me a call
40:42and we are going to get you a referral
40:44for some treatment
40:46okay because the suffering
40:48will not end just because you got a little
40:50bit of relief
40:52and I don't want you to stop there
40:54okay
40:56thank you so much
40:58my pleasure
41:00thank you so much
41:02hope somebody stirred my oxtail so it didn't burn
41:04I don't burn food
41:06grief takes a long time to build up
41:08it's going to take a long time to dissipate
41:10I'm just so full of emotion, I'm so full of feeling
41:12I'm so full of hurt, I'm so full of grief
41:14I'm so full of passion
41:16and it's just
41:18an outpouring like rain
41:20and girl
41:22you don't have to be suffering like how you are
41:24this really is
41:26so hot
41:28when you speak with a grief counselor I can say this
41:30now it gives you the freedom to
41:32not move past the situation
41:34but to move forward from the situation
41:36and that's what I'm working on doing now
41:40do we have to turn it up baby
41:42there it is
41:44mmm
41:46it tastes like peach cobbler, you want to taste it
41:48I feel like grief management is what Tracy
41:50wanted us to do
41:52we were going to put space there
41:54and this was her way of pulling us back together
41:56we're not there yet
41:58I don't think we're to it
42:00I think we're just beginning
42:02but what I know for sure is we love each other
42:04no matter what
42:06and there's still a lot of pain and a lot of triggers
42:08we can't work through in one night
42:10but I'm optimistic that we'll get there
42:12the food ain't ready
42:14the rice is ready
42:16go eat
42:18go eat baby
42:20go eat