Taskmaster NZ S05E04
Taskmaster NZ S05E04
Taskmaster NZ S05E05 >>> https://dai.ly/x94b5pc
Taskmaster NZ S05E05 >>> https://dai.ly/x94b5pc
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00:00Hello.
00:01And...
00:02Two!
00:03Come on!
00:04Woo-hoo!
00:05That's for the haters.
00:06Come on, come on.
00:07Jiggle a little, see?
00:08Oh!
00:09Yeah!
00:10He-he-he-he!
00:12Giddy-go-go car tour and welcome to Taskmaster.
00:40My name is Jeremy Wells, and it has taken years for me to reach the incredible status
00:45I have today.
00:47I joined the television industry as a task officer, before working my way up to task
00:53lieutenant, then task commander, and task rear admiral.
00:59Until five years ago, when I was promoted to the highest rank in New Zealand television.
01:06That's right.
01:07And now, the Taskmaster.
01:13Tonight, I will sit in a chair that Caligula would describe as tasteful and understated,
01:19and watch as five comedians perform a series of ridiculous tasks, all in the hopes of winning
01:27this.
01:30A magnificent golden trophy that took three hours to make, and my head was covered in
01:36goo the whole time, and let me be the first to tell you, it was not worth it.
01:42Competing for this trophy, please welcome, Abbie Howells, Ben Hurley, Hayley Sproul,
01:53and Tom Sainsbury.
01:57And in lieu of Te Finga Fepulea'i tonight, back again, it's your friend and my colleague,
02:03Matt Heath!
02:08And beside me, as always, is my assistant.
02:10He has the gentle energy of someone who has either never been in a violent situation,
02:16or has otherwise committed dozens of murders.
02:20Please, put your hands together for Paul Williams.
02:27Jeremy, I was wondering if, before we get started, you could sign my petition.
02:32What's a petition for?
02:34You know when you go to like a sit-down restaurant, and you get a burger?
02:38The burger's too tall.
02:40Like, I can't fit it in my mouth.
02:42I'm sorry, but if you have to stick a knife down through it to keep it together,
02:46that burger is too tall.
02:48Okay, so you want me to sign something?
02:50Just on that, please.
02:52It's a blank piece of paper.
02:54Okay, you got me.
02:56I wanted your autograph for my niece.
02:58If you could make it out to her, her name is Paul Williams.
03:07Is that what you want?
03:09Yes, please.
03:11God help me.
03:19Okay, what's our prize task tonight, Paul?
03:22Tonight, we've asked our contestants to bring in the best thing
03:26that makes you go,
03:28hmm, I don't know about that.
03:32So let's start with Matt.
03:34You are in here as a surrogate for Tofinga.
03:36What have you brought in?
03:38Well, it's something that I've dipped into a couple of times,
03:41but it's still quite a big mystery to me,
03:43but it's the woman's reproductive system.
03:50You've only got two children?
03:52Yeah, but I can't see in there when that's happening, if you know what I mean.
03:56Tom, do you reckon you can better that?
03:58Look, I found mine at, like, a market,
04:00and I thought, hmm, I don't know about that.
04:02I've named her...
04:05I've named her Abby Haley.
04:07Oh, thank you.
04:09And you might not realise that, but if you peel up her skirts,
04:13you'll find a toilet roll in there.
04:15Wow.
04:16Tom, you can't confuse Matt like this.
04:18Like, pull up the woman's skirt, and there's a toilet roll in there?
04:21Yeah, I know.
04:23He already doesn't know.
04:25Is that normal?
04:27Sometimes.
04:33So what is the practical reason for it?
04:35Because are you just keeping your toilet roll warm?
04:39I think it was an idea that seeing a toilet roll was somehow revolting.
04:43It was unseemly.
04:44It was unseemly.
04:45Unsightly.
04:46So that's way more unsightly, though, isn't it?
04:49Abby.
04:50Yes?
04:51What's something that you went, hmm, I don't know about that?
04:55I brought in my friend Eric.
05:00And I'm actually here to advocate for him.
05:02Because initially, he'd be like, oh, I don't know about that.
05:06That's a ventriloquist dummy with a dirty Phantom of the Opera mask on it.
05:11So Eric was actually in my first ever solo stand-up show I did.
05:15And we travelled all over the world together.
05:18Can you do Eric's voice for us?
05:20He was like, hello, Abby.
05:22I love women's comedy.
05:24I support you so much.
05:27Ben.
05:28So I get motion sickness.
05:30I get car sickness, which I think we can all agree is both sexy and cool.
05:35So I went on the internet to try and find a cure, because I'd tried everything.
05:40And I purchased these glasses that you put on.
05:46And they have liquid in them so that you have an equilibrium at all times.
05:53And do they work?
05:55Hmm, I don't know about that.
06:01Hayley, what did you bring in?
06:03I've actually brought in this cuck chair.
06:10Now, the winner of tonight's show doesn't get this chair.
06:14But what they do get is to come over to my house.
06:16They can sit in that chair.
06:18And then either myself or my partner Aaron will make love to either someone who wins it,
06:24or their partner or spouse.
06:26Hmm, tell me more.
06:30What a prize that would be.
06:32And so we get to see all of these things?
06:34To be honest, it's actually open to anyone and everyone watching.
06:37They can come over and sit in my cuck chair.
06:39Yourself included, Jeremy.
06:40And while there's a lot of motion going on, these would come in handy.
06:43So, I'm going to have to score this.
06:46The Abbey Hayley, my grandmother actually had one of those.
06:49So I'm quite familiar with them.
06:51So I'm going to give you one point for that.
06:53Because I've seen a lot of those.
06:54Matt, very familiar with the female reproductive system.
06:57Myself, two points there.
07:01Not only the master of tasks.
07:04Three points for Ben's motion sickness glasses.
07:08Four points, only just as that horrific ventriloquist dummy that came in.
07:13He's an ally, Jeremy.
07:15And five points for you, Hayley.
07:22So, what is our first proper task, Paul?
07:25It's time to bring some order to the chaos.
07:28Hello, Te Whanga.
07:29Hello, Paul.
07:30Hello.
07:31Hello, Abbey.
07:32Oh.
07:33Hello, Ben.
07:34Hi.
07:35This looks exciting.
07:36What a strange collection of goods.
07:39Space these objects out in the right order.
07:42Fastest and most accurate object order wins.
07:46You have ten minutes.
07:47Your time starts now.
07:52The right order for what?
07:54Is this one object?
07:55Mm-hmm.
07:56OK.
08:00All right, let's get on to it.
08:01Who's ordering are we going to see first?
08:03Up first, it's Ben Hayley and Hurley Sproul.
08:07In the right order.
08:09Just got anything useful in here?
08:11Anna.
08:12Anna.
08:13Anna.
08:14Those are mine.
08:15Those are mine.
08:16Those are mine.
08:17Those are mine.
08:18Those are mine.
08:19Those are mine.
08:20Those are mine.
08:21Anna.
08:22Anna.
08:23Those are mine.
08:24Yeah.
08:25Property of Paul.
08:26Bit odd.
08:27That's a chocolate bar.
08:28That's a fork.
08:29That's a temperature.
08:30A satin handkerchief.
08:31Venus flytrap.
08:32A plate of soil.
08:33And a shoe with some pita bread.
08:34These don't make a great deal of sense to me.
08:35I'm just going to put it in alphabetical order.
08:36T.
08:37U.
08:38V.
08:39Paul's pervert folder.
08:40P.
08:41There we go.
08:42It's not correct.
08:43It's not correct.
08:44Is it the story of man?
08:45The sun started it all, didn't it?
08:46And that's sort of a temperature.
08:47So you've walked to get some bread, and you've eaten the bread, and that's your dessert.
08:48Boom!
08:49Earth sprung life.
08:50And then we sort of evolved from life to man.
08:51Then man was like, whoa, bloody hungry.
08:52So he learned how to eat.
08:53And then on the way home, you see a nice Venus flytrap.
08:54Then it's its story of how it eats.
08:55Oh, OK.
08:56So that's kind of sitting at the bottom.
08:57Yeah.
08:58It's sitting at the bottom.
08:59Yeah.
09:00Yeah.
09:01Yeah.
09:02Yeah.
09:03Yeah.
09:04Yeah.
09:05Yeah.
09:06Yeah.
09:07Yeah.
09:08Yeah.
09:09Yeah.
09:10Yeah.
09:11Yeah.
09:12Yeah.
09:13Yeah.
09:14Yeah.
09:15Yeah.
09:16Oh, you guys are shooting birds here.
09:17So that's kind of sitting in the sequel.
09:18Yeah.
09:19The sequel.
09:20Yeah.
09:21Got you.
09:22Well, it's not that.
09:23Uh, this one...
09:24Bless you
09:27Are you illusive to the plants, maybe?
09:29Your bullshit.
09:32Sorry.
09:33Maybe it's the size.
09:34No.
09:35Sorry.
09:36Oh, no.
09:37Not again.
09:38Is that the order?
09:39That's not the order.
09:40Is that the order?
09:41That's not the order.
09:42Is that the order?
09:43That's not the order.
09:45Uh, it's hard to tell what the order is there.
09:49Do you know what?
09:50I give up.
09:51I'm just going to enjoy myself for 20 seconds.
09:56You've got 1 minute and 7 seconds.
09:57Yeah.
09:58Did you put that in the dirt?
09:59Yeah.
10:00Alright.
10:01Thank you, Ben.
10:02Alright.
10:03Okay, Paul.
10:04Well, before we go on, I think we probably need to address your swearing.
10:15Your rudeness towards Hayley.
10:16Would you like to apologise to Hayley for that?
10:18I'm sorry, Hayley.
10:21I will say, I knew that as soon as she agreed to come on the show that I was going to have
10:25allergy flare-ups.
10:29Because I am legit allergic to her bullshit.
10:33I'm still bamboozled by that, by the way.
10:36No idea.
10:37You know what?
10:38I don't want any points.
10:39That task was dumb.
10:40Alright, stop everything.
10:42It's time to go to an ad break and sell some stuff.
10:45Why not entertain yourself by putting all the products in order from most to least evil?
10:50We'll see you soon.
11:03Kia ora koutou and welcome back to Taskmaster.
11:06Before the break, we were watching comedians attempt to put 8 objects in a specific order
11:12because it's season 5 and we're running out of ideas.
11:17Who's up next, Paul?
11:18Let me put the sentence in alphabetical order.
11:21Abbey and Howells, it's Sainsbury Tom.
11:24Anna Nicole, Anna Paquin, Anna, Anna, um, Anna's, these are all Anna's.
11:34They're mine.
11:35I love my Anna's.
11:36No, they're not your Anna's.
11:37They were your Anna's.
11:39My apologies.
11:40Peter, shoe, Peter, pan, Peter.
11:41Oh, and there's a foot in the wastebasket.
11:42Blue toe.
11:43You don't need to put that in.
11:44I don't need to?
11:45No, that's just rubbish.
11:46That's nothing.
11:47Okay.
11:48Sainsbury, brain, don't fail me now.
11:49Blue toe.
11:50So, Snickers.
11:51Was that a Mars?
11:52Can I just check?
11:53Is it a Mars?
11:54I'm not familiar with these.
11:55It's a Mars.
11:56They're the planets.
11:57Pluto's not a planet anymore.
11:58Venus.
11:59Okay, I've got it.
12:00F***ing autism rules.
12:01Penis.
12:02Penis.
12:03Penis.
12:04Penis.
12:05Penis.
12:06Penis.
12:07Penis.
12:08Penis.
12:09Penis.
12:10Penis.
12:11Penis.
12:12Penis.
12:13Penis.
12:14Penis.
12:15Penis.
12:16Pims?
12:17Pims, I failed my recognition.
12:21Mummy!
12:22Okay, Mercury, Venus, Earth.
12:27We've got Mars and we've got Venus.
12:29Mars.
12:31Jupiter.
12:32Jupiter.
12:33Jupiter.
12:34Saturn, this is Saturn.
12:38Um, Neptune.
12:41Like a tuning fork?
12:43It's Neptune.
12:44It's his trident.
12:45Uranus.
12:46Uranus.
12:47Stop the clock.
12:48Mercury.
12:49Venus.
12:50Earth.
12:51Mars.
12:52Jupiter.
12:53Saturn.
12:54Uranus.
12:55Neptune.
12:56Pluto.
12:57I feel alive.
12:58I feel electric.
12:59Wow.
13:00First off, Abby, congratulations on the autism.
13:01Thank you so much.
13:15Thank you so much.
13:16It's an honour and a privilege.
13:17That was really good.
13:19This all makes me think maybe I need to get tested.
13:24That was the test.
13:25Congratulations, you're in the club.
13:26Oh my gosh.
13:27Yay.
13:28Don't look me in the eyes.
13:29How did watching that make you guys feel?
13:39Just real dumb.
13:41Yeah, pretty dumb.
13:44On the bright side, I don't have to wear headphones at concerts.
13:49I went to a concert and I did wear some headphones.
13:59And I remember thinking, Abby, everyone thinks I look real cool.
14:03Okay, by my calculations, we've still got one comedian left, Paul.
14:08Correct, Jeremy.
14:09And even if you're terrible at putting things in order, I'm sure you can probably guess
14:13who's coming up next.
14:14It's Torfinger.
14:15What's her name again?
14:16Anna Paquin.
14:17Why have you got all these pictures?
14:18Those are my Annas.
14:19Your Annas?
14:20Yeah.
14:21Okay.
14:22What sort of plant is this?
14:23It's a Venus flytrap.
14:24A what?
14:25Venus flytrap.
14:26A Venus flytrap?
14:27It traps flies.
14:28Just flies?
14:29Why are you asking?
14:30I was wondering if you wanted to trap Anna Paquin.
14:31Forks.
14:32Forks.
14:33Forks.
14:34Forks.
14:35Forks.
14:36Forks.
14:37Forks.
14:38Forks.
14:39Forks.
14:40Forks.
14:41Forks.
14:43Fork?
14:44Oh.
14:45Now I know why the fork's there.
14:47Why?
14:48Because I'm wondering what the fork this is all about, man.
14:51Are you enjoying this one?
14:53It's probably my favourite task of all time.
14:56I just wish I had my family here.
14:58Just the one to sit.
14:59You've got four minutes and 22 seconds.
15:01Thank you, Paul.
15:02It's really helping me.
15:04It's okay.
15:09I hope you think.
15:10It does still need to be in the order, though.
15:12Oh, yeah.
15:13I'll leave a little bit.
15:15I just have to get the order right.
15:17It doesn't have to explain what it's supposed to mean, then.
15:19Yeah.
15:21That is not the correct order.
15:24That's not right.
15:26That's not right, but you're not that far off.
15:29Not that far off.
15:33It's quite a stink task.
15:35Okay.
15:36There's ten minutes I can't get back in my life, Paul.
15:38I've got to spend that with my kids.
15:41Doing their maths homework.
15:43Telling them a story before they go to bed.
15:45But you ask me, come here, do this.
15:50Thanks, Paul.
15:51Thank you, Tofinga.
15:57Okay, Paul.
15:58Would you like to publicly apologise to Tofinga
16:01for taking him away from his kids?
16:03Sorry, Tofinga.
16:05That's a heartfelt apology.
16:07Yeah.
16:11Sorry.
16:13Having a flare-off.
16:17Matt, would you like to explain
16:19whether or not you thought Tofinga
16:21was being sarcastic when he said that he...
16:23No, no, he wasn't.
16:25And we at Team Tofinga,
16:27we don't approve of that task.
16:29I don't think we even want to be part of this,
16:31that order.
16:33We approve.
16:35We actually might just boycott that.
16:37And I think, like, we're a majority now.
16:39So I reckon that task gets stricken from the record.
16:41Yeah.
16:43I mean, I think, luckily, you aren't a part of it
16:45because you get no points at all.
16:47So I think that's fine.
16:49No, but you're not giving us no points.
16:51We're not taking the points.
16:53We don't want your points.
16:55So if I gave you points, you wouldn't take them?
16:57Well, how many are you offering?
17:01How are we going to divvy up the points?
17:03So it was timed.
17:05Tom and Abby, the only two to successfully
17:07order the items.
17:09Tom in 8 minutes and 54 seconds.
17:11Abby in 4 minutes and 10 seconds.
17:17That's impressive.
17:19So how would you like to score it?
17:21Probably a 4 and a 5.
17:23So 4 for Tom.
17:25And 5 points for Abby Howells.
17:27It's only fair.
17:29Okay, so where does that leave
17:31the episode score so far, Paul?
17:33Out in first with 9 points,
17:36Abby Howells.
17:42These tasks are just like a potato snack
17:44that I'm not allowed to name.
17:46I have popped and I cannot stop.
17:48Give me another one, please.
17:50It's another team task and it's time
17:52for a good old-fashioned boxing match.
18:06Oh, wow. Okay.
18:08Hey, Paul.
18:10This is exciting.
18:14Okay, build the tallest skyscraper
18:16out of the boxes without leaving
18:18your designated areas.
18:20One person will build, the other two
18:22will supply boxes.
18:24The supplier may request a box
18:26by asking Paul for it
18:28by number.
18:30That supplier must do an impression
18:32of the person written on the box.
18:34The builder guesses the impression correctly.
18:36The supplier may supply it.
18:38The builder may not request a new box
18:40until the last impression
18:42has been guessed.
18:44If you cheat, Paul will knock
18:46over your skyscraper
18:48and you must start again.
18:50Tallest skyscraper wins.
18:52You have one minute to discuss your roles
18:54and 15 minutes to build.
18:56Your time starts now.
18:58I reckon you be the impressionist.
19:00And you be the builder?
19:03Yeah, I trust you.
19:05Okay, and we'll do the impression.
19:07Yeah, oh boy.
19:09How quick
19:11was Ben Hurley
19:13to say, right Hayley, you do the acting
19:15and I'm going to do the building.
19:17Building's for boys, acting's for girls.
19:19No, Hayley spent $38,000
19:21on an acting degree that she's never used.
19:23Alright, who's first?
19:25It's the team of three.
19:27Supplier's ready.
19:29We're ready.
19:31Ready.
19:33Let's go for number 29.
19:35Made a beautiful house
19:37out of gingerbread.
19:39Oh, the witch from Hansel and Gretel.
19:41Yes, we got it.
19:43Go, go, go, go.
19:45Okay, let's go for number 45.
19:47I'm a bit of a star man
19:49you might say.
19:51Oh, David Bowie.
19:53Yeah.
19:55You do one.
19:57I'm Norman Bates.
19:59Oh, it's not that.
20:01No.
20:05You're holding a knife from Psycho.
20:07Yeah.
20:09Yeah.
20:11Let's go for 53.
20:13Marilyn Monroe.
20:15I'm chocolate.
20:17I melt in the mouth, not in the hand.
20:19You're the green M&M.
20:21Yeah.
20:23You go for number four.
20:25I don't even know who this is.
20:28Let's just say his name so we can go on to the next one.
20:30Ernest Rutherford.
20:32Oh, no.
20:34Oh, no.
20:36I'm so sorry.
20:3814.
20:40Please be easy.
20:42Oh, I really love doing magic.
20:44Harry Potter's...
20:46Oh, Daniel Radcliffe?
20:48Different character.
20:50Oh, it's a different character.
20:52I didn't even watch Harry Potter.
20:54I'm sitting on my...
20:56Not the top, but the...
20:58Neville Longbottom.
21:00Thank God.
21:02Number six.
21:04I'm American and I love to fly jet planes.
21:06Tom Cruise?
21:08Yeah.
21:10Tom Cruise and Top Gun?
21:12Correct.
21:14Can we have number 10, please?
21:16That's hard.
21:18Yes.
21:20Number nine.
21:25Wow, many millions of years ago.
21:27Yes, this is good.
21:29You're a dinosaur?
21:31Yep.
21:33Are you a species of dinosaur?
21:35Yes.
21:37One minute left.
21:39I've only told them to blow the bloody doors off.
21:41Sons of a tangerine.
21:43Oh, gross.
21:45What have you done?
21:47Three, two...
21:49Chopped.
21:55Oh, Tom.
21:57Tom, you had to just chuck another box on there
21:59at the end, didn't you?
22:01I know.
22:03Whenever I would get someone, it would be like
22:05Michael Caine was someone easy
22:07and Torfinger was getting, like, the knife from Sucker
22:09and Ernest Rutherford.
22:11Once again, Team Torfinger's doing all the hard work.
22:13Yeah.
22:15Yeah, but did you like Torfinger's strategy,
22:17which was if Tom couldn't guess it,
22:19he'd just continue doing the same thing?
22:21It worked.
22:23Should I tell you their name or should I tell you
22:25how tall their tail was?
22:27I think you should tell us how tall their tail was.
22:2978 centimetres.
22:31Not bad.
22:33Hard to beat.
22:35That's pathetic.
22:37Alright, stop everything.
22:39Let's do your best impression of a good consumer
22:41and watch these ads.
22:43We'll see you straight after the break.
22:45APPLAUSE
22:47MUSIC
22:49APPLAUSE
22:51Nau mai, hoki mai.
22:53Welcome back to Taskmaster.
22:55Who have we got next, Paul?
22:57It's time to see the acting skills of a drama school graduate
22:59and the building skills of a Ben Hurley.
23:01It's Hayley and Ben.
23:03WHISTLE
23:057, 24 or 50?
23:077, let's go 7.
23:09OK.
23:11WHISTLE
23:13Psycho, knife.
23:15Alfred Hitchcock.
23:17What is the thing that's in my hand?
23:20The knife from Psycho.
23:22Was it?
23:24Oh, right, so it's not just people.
23:26Ooh.
23:28Merry Christmas.
23:30Oh, Ebenezer Scrooge.
23:32You're the ghost of Christmas past.
23:34Not the past.
23:36You're a ghost of Christmas future.
23:38LAUGHTER
23:40Oh, hello, everybody.
23:42Queen Elizabeth II.
23:44Or?
23:46Queen Elizabeth I.
23:48We are brothers and we learned to fly the first.
23:50Oh, the Wright brothers.
23:52Which one?
23:54Orville.
23:56Yes!
23:58I'm good at history.
24:00Why is everybody taking so long?
24:02Please.
24:04Don't make me choose!
24:06Meryl Streep.
24:08I'm an American actress.
24:10You're a Jerry Maguire.
24:12Yes, I play a British journalist.
24:14I got big and then I get skinny.
24:17And you're in the one about the Civil War.
24:19And what is your name?
24:21I look like I've sucked on a lemon.
24:23I know exactly who you mean.
24:25Renee Zellweger.
24:27Oh, man.
24:29OK, pick a number.
24:31No, bottom one.
24:33The bottom one.
24:35OK.
24:37LAUGHTER
24:39What is happening?
24:41What's the deal with crazy people these days?
24:43Aisha Carlson.
24:45Yes!
24:47Look at how the eagle flies.
24:49David Attenborough.
24:51Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.
24:53Dame Julie Andrews.
24:55Real famous little chocolate button.
24:57You're a green M&M.
24:59I'm going to write a play thou doth not know.
25:01William Shakespeare.
25:03Elvis Presley.
25:0520 seconds.
25:07Yes!
25:09You're so good.
25:11That was really good.
25:13APPLAUSE
25:15Such
25:17positive affirmation
25:19in your team.
25:21It's not often I say this, Hayley,
25:23but that drama degree really came in handy.
25:25That is $38,000
25:27before your very eyes, Jeremy.
25:29Congratulations on knowing
25:31the Wright brothers' name.
25:33That was good.
25:35Orville and Wilbur.
25:37That was good.
25:39But you could tell I was doing Orville.
25:42The performance gave Orville.
25:44I was like, I know Wilbur,
25:46but my Wilbur sits more back here, like this.
25:48Orville's more front leading, like that.
25:50How high
25:52was Hayley and Ben's
25:54tower?
25:56The height to beat was 78 centimetres.
25:58Theirs was 287 centimetres.
26:00Aw.
26:02APPLAUSE
26:04So in terms of scoring,
26:06five points presumably for the team of two.
26:08How many for the team of three?
26:10That's a good question.
26:12Tom, Abbey and Tofinga should get two.
26:14Two points.
26:16I think that's fair.
26:18And you know what?
26:20I'm going to take part in this task
26:22as opposed to the other one.
26:24Oh, was that not clear?
26:26I've opted back in as well.
26:28Right, time for another task.
26:30Paul, what have you got in store for us?
26:32Get your backpacks off
26:34and get your books out.
26:36School is in session.
26:39Hello, Ben.
26:41Hi, Paul.
26:43Hello, Paul.
26:45Hello, Abbey.
26:47Hello, Hayley.
26:49Hi, Paul.
26:51My favourite.
26:53What's your favourite?
26:55Apples.
26:57Oh, were you saying hey Paul or apple?
26:59It's hey Paul, apple.
27:01Oh, OK.
27:03Apple.
27:05Hello.
27:07Teach Paul a lesson.
27:09This lesson wins.
27:11You have 30 minutes.
27:13Your time starts
27:15as always
27:17now.
27:23Seems pretty simple.
27:25Teach Paul a lesson.
27:27We all know Paul doesn't really know that much
27:29so it's not hard, surely.
27:31OK.
27:33For first period we've got Mr Hurley
27:35and Mr Sainsbury.
27:37What if I taught you
27:39every New Zealand Prime Minister
27:41since 1935 in order?
27:43That would be pretty good.
27:45What one can you name?
27:47Bill English.
27:49Good.
27:51Obviously.
27:53I'm wondering if I can do the scattergun effect
27:55if I try and teach you many lessons.
27:57Like quantity over quality.
27:59Because I'm a cool teacher
28:01I'm going to sit in my chair like this.
28:04Biology.
28:06Did you know that seagulls,
28:08to every 8 male chicks that are hatched
28:1010 female chicks are hatched
28:12and 14% of seagulls are exclusively lesbian.
28:14Did you know that?
28:16Michael Joseph Savage becomes
28:18the first Labour Prime Minister.
28:20Peter Fraser.
28:22Now he was our wartime Prime Minister
28:24and we had Mike Moore.
28:26Do you like using a megaphone
28:28or do you like using a Mike Moore?
28:30When it is the verb
28:32you stress the second syllable
28:34when it is the noun
28:36you stress the first syllable.
28:38He's an object
28:40but I object.
28:42We had Chippy Hippy
28:44that's what I'm going to call him
28:46because I think that adds some fun to the lesson.
28:48So when I'm handing you a gift
28:50it is a...
28:52Present.
28:54Sorry I thought you were presenting me
28:56with a gift.
28:59There's probably not a great mnemonic here is there?
29:01Mary Poppins said
29:038 children without the cape
29:05jumping never works.
29:07Would also maybe help
29:09if you came up with a story
29:11that sort of involved their names.
29:13I mean that's how I remember it.
29:15What's your story?
29:17Well just the story of New Zealand history.
29:19They were like, Christ has risen again
29:21and Thomas was like
29:23I don't believe that
29:25and then from then on he was known as Thomas the Doubter.
29:27Oh wow. I know.
29:29That's your religious instruction, what else am I missing?
29:31Mary. Mary.
29:33Poppins said 8
29:35children spelt with a K
29:37jumping never works.
29:39History.
29:41Do you know the most common female name
29:43in the 1950s?
29:45Anne. Close.
29:47Anna. Wasn't close.
29:49Oh. Begins with N.
29:51Mary. Mary. Do you know what the least common name
29:53was in the 1950s?
29:55Adolf.
29:57You still don't meet many Adolfs.
29:59No.
30:01Jumping. Jax.
30:03Hate. Jumping.
30:05Bill English. Jacinda Ardern.
30:07Chris Hipkins. Chris Luxon.
30:11Well done.
30:17Some important lessons
30:19learnt there.
30:21So Ben taught you the New Zealand Prime Ministers
30:24from the Second World War.
30:26Can you list them in order now?
30:32Hey, hey.
30:34The task is not teach Paul a lesson
30:36and have him retain it for three months.
30:38That's true.
30:40Tom. Yes.
30:42You were teaching a different type of curriculum.
30:44I did everything.
30:46Something else about seagulls
30:48is that they live to...
30:50I'm feeling like I'm more and more
30:52seagulls at every moment.
30:54There is a species of seagulls
30:56that live to 45, so you might be walking around
30:58with a seagull that's like,
31:00get out of my way, and it's 45 years old.
31:02Yeah. Wow.
31:04For a while there you pivoted into religious studies.
31:06I did. Well, you know,
31:08there was a Catholic school, wasn't it, Clare?
31:10With our overlord, you, overlooking everything.
31:14Maybe one day you'll be crucified, Jeremy.
31:18One can only hope, Abby.
31:21Save us from our sins.
31:23Exactly. That's enough learning for now.
31:25It's time to soften your brain
31:27with the soothing power of unskippable ads.
31:29We'll see you after that.
31:43Welcome back to Taskmaster,
31:45where five comedians are trying to win
31:47a haunted puppet from Abby
31:49that will definitely kill them in their sleep.
31:51Where were we, Paul?
31:53Our five contestants were attempting
31:55to teach me a lesson.
31:57So far, Ben has taught me every New Zealand
31:59Prime Minister since World War II,
32:01and Tom Sainsbury has taught me
32:03which seagulls are gay.
32:07For second period, we've got
32:09Miss Sproul and Mr Fipuliai.
32:13Can I have a bite?
32:15You can have several.
32:17I'm going to teach you a small
32:19marching routine,
32:21which you will then perform.
32:23I'm actually allergic to apples.
32:25How allergic?
32:27I'll be fine. I just have a bit of an itchy throat.
32:29I'll teach you to make a cup of tea.
32:31You know how to make a cup of tea?
32:33Not really.
32:35We'll go to the kitchen and I'll teach you. That's a lesson, eh?
32:37Are you sure you should keep eating that?
32:39You're allergic.
32:41A little bit.
32:43I have allergies too.
32:46Now that we've got water in here,
32:48what do you do?
32:50Turn it on.
32:52That's the one.
32:54While we're waiting for the hot water,
32:56what we usually do is learn a dance or a song.
32:58Stand and up,
33:00stand and down.
33:02Why have your head down?
33:04I thought that's what you did.
33:06No, no.
33:08And then I say,
33:10and you go,
33:12but you have to move your hips as well.
33:14Stand and down.
33:16No, don't do the head. I'm looking at your feet.
33:18My head just naturally wants to go down.
33:20It just feels more respectful.
33:22To whom? Who are you bowing to?
33:24The troops.
33:26Just pour it into a cup.
33:28About three quarters.
33:30Let's have a cup of tea.
33:32You don't want to do any more?
33:34Nah.
33:36Ready?
33:38Stand at ease.
33:40Stand and up. Stand and down.
33:43Head up.
33:45Chin. Stand and up. Stand and down.
33:47Quick.
33:49March.
33:51And one, two, three, four.
33:53In and one, two, three, four.
33:55In and one, two, three, four.
33:57In.
33:59Left.
34:01March.
34:03And one, two, and three, four.
34:05And in and salute.
34:07And up, two, three, down.
34:13I think that's a really good start.
34:15Chigga-middle-chee. Chigga-middle-chee.
34:17A-ki-ki-popo-ki-ki-popo, a rum-pa-pa-chee.
34:19A-rum-pa-pa-chee. A-ki-ki-popo-ki-ki-popo.
34:21A-shimmy, shimmy-shimmy-shay. A-shimmy, shimmy-shimmy-shay.
34:23A-willy, willy-mitty. A-willy, willy-mitty.
34:25Viva! Viva! Hey!
34:27Suana-pop-banana.
34:29Suana-pop-banana.
34:31Suana, suana,
34:33Suana-banana.
34:35Suana, suana,
34:37Suana-banana.
34:39If you want it, throw it outside.
34:41If you want it, throw it outside.
34:43Throw it outside, throw it outside.
34:45Yee-hoo!
34:47Yeah!
34:49My man.
34:51APPLAUSE
34:53Matt,
34:55as Toffinger's surrogate
34:57tonight... Yes, we're very happy with that.
34:59How much of
35:01Toffinger's dance was culturally
35:03appropriate there, with your knowledge of
35:05Samoan dance? 120%.
35:07Wow. The kikipoppa, kikipoppa,
35:09you got that down, didn't you?
35:11Yeah. Have you retained
35:13the dance? I think if he led me,
35:15I might be able to. Are you able to
35:17fulfil that role?
35:19Sawanapopbanana?
35:21I remember that bit. It was the kikipoppa,
35:23kikipoppa. I don't think that's quite right.
35:25It was definitely, if you don't want it,
35:27throw it outside. That's right. Yeah, yeah.
35:29Which is a good lesson for anyone.
35:31True. Hayley,
35:33were you impressed? Paul's dancing
35:35was quite good. Where did you learn... Sorry,
35:37sorry. Dancing, Jeremy?
35:39LAUGHTER
35:41Marching is a sport.
35:43It's sort of like dressage for people.
35:45LAUGHTER
35:47When did you do marching?
35:49Still. You march now?
35:51Yeah. Do you? I've marched since I was like eight years old
35:53and I'm 34. Why?
35:55LAUGHTER
35:57It's a good question. How many people
35:59are you rustling up for your marching? Is it just you
36:01or...? No, no, it's a team.
36:03A team? How many...? In a technical block
36:05there's ten. Impressive. And you can get ten people together
36:07to do that? We'll get hundreds.
36:09LAUGHTER OK, Paul.
36:11I'm ready for another lesson. Who have we got next?
36:13Last, but academically not least,
36:15it's Dr Howells.
36:17LAUGHTER
36:19LAUGHTER
36:21MUSIC
36:23Stop
36:25right there!
36:27Before you pass,
36:29you must answer my question
36:31for me. OK.
36:33Is your name Paul?
36:35Yes.
36:37Do you like to party?
36:39Yeah.
36:41Do you think I'm
36:43beautiful?
36:45MUSIC
36:47MUSIC
36:49Yes.
36:51Whoa!
36:53MUSIC
36:55Thank you, Paul.
36:57You have freed me because you can see
36:59that I was beautiful on the inside
37:01and that's what
37:03matters. OK.
37:05Telling the truth serves a lot
37:07of good, doesn't it? I will say, like,
37:09when you had the mask on, I felt like I was
37:11lying when I said yes. Yeah,
37:13I kind of hoped that you would say
37:15but the magic still worked
37:17anyway. OK. Yeah.
37:19And it's important
37:21to be kind and respectful,
37:23OK, because you don't know what people are going
37:25through.
37:27Thank you for saving me. No worries.
37:29MUSIC
37:31APPLAUSE
37:33APPLAUSE
37:35APPLAUSE
37:37APPLAUSE
37:39OK, Abby, so just quickly clarify
37:41the lesson that you were teaching
37:43Paul there. It was through
37:45not lying that he
37:47found my inner
37:49beauty. But he did.
37:51He did lie.
37:53I did lie.
37:55It was, I'd say, objectively
37:57ugly. I think probably
37:59the lesson he learned was kindness
38:01always pays off. I think
38:03I did learn that if you're going to hurt
38:05someone's feelings, lie.
38:07And why are we vilifying the ugly
38:09version of Abby? Like, why is she bad?
38:11Well, that's another lesson.
38:13Hey, this is the thing.
38:15The actual thing that we watched,
38:17there was no lesson. No. All right?
38:19Let's just be clear about that. I'm hearing nothing but
38:21lessons! There was no lesson.
38:23I will say I did learn the lesson
38:25that ugly people are
38:27gross. Yes.
38:29And should be
38:31avoided. Yes.
38:33OK, I have to score this.
38:35One point for
38:37Abby, because there was no lesson.
38:39OK? It was
38:41teach Paul a lesson and there was no lesson.
38:43I enjoyed it, but there was no lesson.
38:45I don't think you did. You're fired up, mate.
38:47I love it.
38:49It's true.
38:51This is literally the shittiest
38:53we've seen him all season.
38:55Two points for Hayley,
38:57because there was one lesson that was taught
38:59and it was the marching. Tofinga
39:01ended up teaching Paul
39:03two lessons, well one and a half
39:05really, so I'll give him three points.
39:07Tom taught
39:09Paul some lessons,
39:11but he didn't testimony
39:13any of the lessons, so none of it
39:15went in. Whereas I thought
39:17Ben, actually you should get five points
39:19because you taught Paul a lesson
39:21and he remembered it at the time, even though now he doesn't.
39:23Yes. Yeah, beautiful.
39:25Thanks guys. So that does it
39:27for part four. It's time for you to watch some
39:29videos that all have the same
39:31important lesson. It's good to buy
39:33stuff. We'll see you after the break.
39:35Welcome back to Taskmaster, you cheeky rascals. Now if you're just joining us, you have really
39:52screwed up your timing because we're nearly at the end of the episode. We have just got
39:56the live task to go, but
39:58before we get to that, can I have a
40:00score update please, Paul? It's extremely
40:02tight, but out in front on 13
40:04it's Ben Hurley.
40:06Okay.
40:08It's anyone's episode.
40:10Alright you guys, please head up to the stage
40:12for the final task of the show.
40:18Okay Paul, who's reading up
40:20the task tonight? Ben
40:22Hurley will read the task. Okay, sure.
40:24Write down
40:26the name of an animal,
40:28vegetable or vehicle
40:30and hand it to Paul.
40:34Thank you Tom.
40:36Thank you Matt. Thank you
40:38Hayley. You're welcome. Thank you Ben.
40:40Thank you Abby. Thank you.
40:42There's a second task. Yeah.
40:44Using the canvas behind you,
40:46communicate to the Taskmaster
40:48what your animal, vegetable or vehicle
40:50is. You may now turn around while
40:52working on your canvas. You may
40:54not tamper with your backpack.
40:56When you are ready for the Taskmaster to guess,
40:58stand next to your canvas.
41:00If he guesses wrong, you may alter
41:02the canvas and try again.
41:04Fastest correctly guessed animal,
41:06vegetable or vehicle
41:08wins. Oh dear.
41:10You each have a mirror.
41:12Are you ready? Yeah.
41:14Yeah man.
41:26A carrot. Yes! Correct.
41:32Jeremy.
41:38A pig.
41:40And Matt?
41:42A turnip. Incorrect.
41:44Jeremy. A diplodocus.
41:46That is not correct.
41:48Ben's a turtle.
41:50Correct.
41:52Koala.
41:54Correct.
41:56Just...
41:58A chicken?
42:00That is incorrect.
42:02Matt's done a Jackson Pollock.
42:04It's a cat.
42:06Incorrect. Don't give up Abby.
42:10An aeroplane.
42:12Matt is that...
42:14Do you want to guess? I'm just trying to
42:16actually ascertain the best way forward here.
42:18Okay. Maybe if they
42:20each tell me either it's an animal
42:22or it's a cat.
42:24Tell me either it's an animal
42:26or a vegetable or a vehicle.
42:28Abby? It's an
42:30animal. Okay that's not helping.
42:32Matt?
42:34It's a vegetable.
42:38Abby is yours
42:40an albatross? No.
42:42Matt is yours a cauliflower? No.
42:44Okay they can do
42:46one pose.
42:48Okay.
42:52Okay. You must be a radish.
42:54Incorrect. And Abby's?
42:56Horse. Okay.
42:58Pony.
43:00Matt? A carrot.
43:02Yes. Correct.
43:04I should have just pointed
43:06at that. So the artwork's
43:08carrot, carrot,
43:10koala, turtle,
43:12Shetland pony.
43:14Oh no.
43:16Okay.
43:18Come on down and we'll judge it.
43:28Jesus.
43:30Welcome on. So
43:32based on the order that Jeremy guessed
43:34the pictures, we get one point for Abby,
43:36two points for Tofinga, three points
43:38for Hayley, four points for Ben, and
43:40five points for the king of carrots, Tom
43:42Sainsbury.
43:44Right. So what does that
43:46mean for our episode?
43:48It means that the winner of episode
43:50four with 17 points is
43:52Ben Hurley.
43:54Ben, congratulations
43:56on winning five things
43:58that make you go, hmm,
44:00I don't know about that. Arguably one of the
44:02worst selection of prizes we've ever
44:04had on this show. Please go
44:06and collect them on stage.
44:10That's the end of episode
44:12four, and what have we learned?
44:14We've learned that if you meet a man
44:16with a creepy folder full of pictures of
44:18women, it's most likely to do
44:20with the solar system.
44:22We've learned that if you meet an old witch in the
44:24forest, either tell her she's ugly
44:26or don't, it will work out
44:28fine either way.
44:30But most importantly,
44:32we've learned that the winner of this episode
44:34is Ben Hurley!
44:38We can't wait to see you back here next
44:40week. Take care now. Good night.
45:00It's time to party hard!
45:02Hello. I don't like
45:04organised fun. What do you call this?
45:06My job. I'm gonna roll a doggo.
45:08Cool. You look
45:10psychotic. There's a little bit of six
45:12in the old dog, yeah.