Paul and Barry enrol at a charm school for men training to be butlers - and coincidentally it is run by Mrs. Butler. After the usual mishaps they eventually graduate and get work at a stately home where a dinner and speech are being held. Needless to say everything ends up in chaos as usual
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Chachachacomission, Chachachacomission
00:22Ch-ch-ch-ch-commission! Ch-ch-ch-ch-commission! Ch-ch-ch-ch-commission!
00:40Here we are, Barry. Get the stuff out.
00:43We've got to take all the stuff up to the Chairman's office on the top floor.
00:47What's he do way up there?
00:49He's got a very important job. He sits there and tells everybody what to do.
00:52Without leaving his chair?
00:54Exactly.
00:55Bit like you, then.
00:56I don't sit around while other people do the work.
00:59Can you give me a hand with this, then?
01:01OK. We'd better take the lot in. Looks like it's going to rain.
01:05To you.
01:06To me.
01:07To me, then.
01:08To you.
01:09To me.
01:10To you.
01:11To me.
01:12To you.
01:13To me.
01:14To you, then.
01:15To me.
01:16To you.
01:17To me.
01:18To me.
01:19What do you think you're doing?
01:20We're making a delivery.
01:21To me.
01:22To you.
01:23To me.
01:24There is not room in here for three of us.
01:26You're right. Can you get out of the way, please?
01:29I can't go anywhere with that thing where it is.
01:32He's right, you know, Paul.
01:34There's not room for three people and a trolley in here.
01:37Right. Move back a bit.
01:38To me.
01:39Right.
01:40To me.
01:41Open the door, please.
01:42That's it.
01:44Go on, then, Barry. To me.
01:45To you, then.
01:46To me, then.
01:47To you.
01:48To me.
01:49To you, Paul.
01:50To me, Barry.
01:51To you.
01:52To me.
01:53To you.
01:54To me, then.
01:55To you, then.
01:56To me.
01:57To you.
01:58To me, then.
01:59To you, then.
02:00To me.
02:01To you, Paul.
02:02Hang on. Hang on. Stop a minute.
02:03Let's have a look now.
02:04Top floor.
02:05We'd better find the lifts.
02:06Come on.
02:07To me.
02:08To you.
02:09To me.
02:10To you.
02:11To me.
02:12To you.
02:13To me.
02:14To you.
02:15To me.
02:16To you.
02:17Oh, slow down a bit, Barry.
02:18Hey.
02:19Barry. Barry. Barry.
02:20Barry. Barry.
02:21I'm sorry about that.
02:22It's Barry.
02:23He's ever so clumsy.
02:24How many times do I tell you, when you're driving something,
02:26it's your...
02:27What?
02:28Look.
02:29Oh, dear.
02:30You should have told me.
02:31I tried to, but...
02:32Oh, dear.
02:33Let's take the stairs.
02:34To me.
02:35To you.
02:36To me.
02:37To you.
02:38To me, then.
02:39To you.
02:40To me.
02:41To you.
02:42Hang on a minute. Hang on a minute.
02:43I'll go to that end,
02:44and I'll do the directive this time.
02:45To me.
02:46To you.
02:47To me.
02:48To you.
02:49To me.
02:50To you.
02:51To me.
02:52To you.
02:53To me.
02:54To you.
02:56Right. Ready?
02:58To me.
03:06This is where all the top people work.
03:09It's ever so quiet.
03:11Well, it has to be, so they can concentrate.
03:13Shh.
03:14Shh.
03:15Oh.
03:16Shh.
03:19Sorry, I can't talk right now.
03:21Shh.
03:22Shh.
03:23Shh.
03:25Oh, we're here.
03:26Chairman's office.
03:29Hello?
03:34Hello?
03:38Anybody home?
03:39Shh.
03:46Bring the tollie in, Barry.
03:55So this is a top person's office?
03:57No, this is the top person's office.
03:59This is where the chairman works.
04:01Is this the chairman's chair?
04:02You got it.
04:04Whee!
04:06The thing will set up here.
04:08Hey, there's lots of little levers here, look.
04:12What are you doing?
04:13Nothing.
04:14There's no time to mess about.
04:15We've got work to do.
04:17You've got to watch these chairman's chairs.
04:20Here, take an end.
04:23Great.
04:24Right.
04:25Whoop.
04:29Hey, hey, hey, hey.
04:31Yes.
04:40That's impressive.
04:41Very impressive.
04:42Very impressive indeed.
04:43Yes.
04:44I wonder where the chairman's got to.
04:52Half the morning gone already.
04:56Can't even get into my own office.
04:59See who that is at the door, Barry.
05:05Right.
05:15You!
05:16Hello.
05:17What are you doing in my office?
05:18Good afternoon, Barry.
05:20Excuse me.
05:21Buffet lunch for six, courtesy of Chuckle Sarnies.
05:24I'm Paul.
05:25What's that on your face?
05:26Oh, er, it's just face cream.
05:28It's good for the air conditioning.
05:30How do you do?
05:32Would you like to see what we've done for you?
05:34Yes, it's very nice.
05:35It is very nice.
05:36Yes, well, it looks all right.
05:37Well, if that's all then, we'll be off.
05:39Come on, Barry.
05:40Oh, Barry, the phone.
05:41Where is it?
05:42It's there somewhere.
05:43I've got it.
05:44Go under the tablecloth.
05:48Careful, careful.
05:49Careful, careful.
05:50Careful.
05:51Right.
05:52Got it.
05:53I've got it.
05:54Dear, oh, dear.
05:55Hello?
05:56Oh, it's for you.
05:58Yes, yes.
05:59All right.
06:00And whenever it is, get out of my office.
06:02Get out of my office now!
06:04Wouldn't you like us to clean up for you?
06:06Leave!
06:08I think that means no, Barry.
06:09Come on.
06:16What have you done to my chair?
06:19Oh, you just have to adjust that little lever.
06:23I'll do it for you.
06:26Paul!
06:27Paul!
06:28Have I ever seen you two again?
06:34I think it's time we got out of the food delivery business, Barry.
06:36You don't get a word of thanks.
06:38Then we have one tiny slip-up like this morning.
06:40Or last night.
06:41Yeah, or last night.
06:42Or yesterday morning.
06:43Yes.
06:44Or yesterday afternoon or every day last week.
06:45Yes, but the point is, Barry,
06:47we make a few tiny mistakes and it's complain, complain, complain.
06:50Well, we deserve better than that.
06:52So what are we going to do?
06:53We're going to move up markets.
06:59We're going to become butlers.
07:02Ring the bell, Barry.
07:13Do come this way.
07:17Come on.
07:25So this is where we learn, is it?
07:26No, no, no, no.
07:27This is where you learn, Barry.
07:28I'm here to help you out if you get stuck.
07:30Do you know all about this stuff, then?
07:32Oh, yes.
07:33Just do everything I do.
07:36Good morning, class.
07:37Good morning, Mrs Butler.
07:40What are you doing?
07:42Sitting down.
07:43A butler never sits unless he is told to sit.
07:46I know that.
07:47Stand up, Barry.
07:48And he never answers back.
07:50I know that as well.
07:51Then be quiet.
07:52Be quiet.
07:53Shh, shh.
07:54You may sit.
07:58I just have to take the register before we start.
08:03Barry Charcoal?
08:07Absent.
08:09Paul Charcoal?
08:12Absent.
08:14Wait a minute.
08:15Isn't that you two?
08:17Then why didn't you say anything?
08:20Well, don't just sit there.
08:22Say something.
08:23Yes?
08:24You told us not to answer back.
08:26I only meant...
08:27Oh, never mind.
08:29Now, the first job of any butler is to know how to present himself.
08:34So let's start with dress.
08:36I'm not wearing a dress.
08:38Nobody's asking you to wear a dress.
08:41A butler should wear tie and tails.
08:44Tails?
08:45Like this?
08:46No, no, no, Barry.
08:47Like this.
08:48Silly me.
08:49Silly you.
08:50Stand up.
08:51Stand up, Barry.
08:53Hands out of pockets.
08:55Like this, Barry.
08:56No, not like that.
08:58Not like this, Barry.
08:59Be quiet and stop smiling.
09:01Be quiet and stop smiling.
09:03Set your feet 12 inches apart.
09:05Oh!
09:06Be careful.
09:07Sorry.
09:08Look straight ahead and clasp your hands on front of your body.
09:12That is how a butler should stand.
09:15Hey, it's just like football, isn't it?
09:18Now, the second duty of any butler is to know who he is serving.
09:23Barry, who am I?
09:26Why, don't you know?
09:27Of course I know.
09:29I'm asking you if you know.
09:31Oh, yes.
09:32You're Mrs Butler.
09:33That's right.
09:34A married woman.
09:35So, how do you address me?
09:38It depends where I wanted to send you.
09:40I mean, how would you talk to me?
09:43You would say, yes, madam.
09:45Very good, madam.
09:47A married woman is always madam.
09:50Oh, right.
09:51Madam.
09:52Write it down.
09:54Write it down, Barry.
09:57Madam.
10:02Now, Paul, who am I?
10:05Somebody going to a fancy dress party.
10:07I'm a bishop.
10:08And a bishop is always Your Grace.
10:11Your Grace.
10:12Write that down, Barry.
10:14Your Grace.
10:19That's a good one, isn't it?
10:21This is an army officer's cap.
10:23And army officers are always to be called sir.
10:26Sir.
10:27Unless they are peers of the realm, in which case your lordship is the correct form of address.
10:31Peers.
10:32With the exception of dukes, who are invariably Your Grace.
10:35Members of the royal family.
10:37Members of the royal family are Your Royal Highness.
10:40And the queen or sovereign is Your Majesty.
10:43The queen's ambassadors and other representatives should be addressed as Your Excellency.
10:48Did you get all that?
10:50All except the last bit.
10:52What last bit?
10:53The bit after you put your hat on.
10:58Let's start again, shall we?
11:01It's good, isn't it?
11:08Now, Paul, I want you to announce my arrival.
11:12Right.
11:19Mrs. Butler.
11:24Very good.
11:26Now it's Barry's turn.
11:28Your turn, Barry.
11:32Mrs. Butler.
11:35Mrs. Butler.
11:38Open the door.
11:45Oh dear.
11:46Oh dear, oh dear.
11:50For really important visitors, a red carpet is rolled out.
11:54There is the red carpet.
11:56When I give you the word, I want you to roll it out.
12:00And what's the word?
12:01Now.
12:02Now, Barry.
12:04No, when I say now, I don't mean...
12:07Oh dear.
12:12I think perhaps we'd better try you below stairs.
12:16We must be doing well, Paul.
12:18Yes.
12:21Barry, the salver.
12:23You mean the silver?
12:24I mean the silver salver.
12:26Have you got a stutter?
12:28You don't get it, do you?
12:29Look, this is silver.
12:31That's a salver.
12:33The salver's silver.
12:35So?
12:36Silver salver.
12:37Got it?
12:38I'll just follow you.
12:41I want you to polish the salver with soap and water.
12:44Oh, right.
12:45Just a second.
12:54I want to see my face in it.
12:59Pardon?
13:00I want to see my face in it.
13:03Are you sure?
13:10How did we do?
13:15So, how do you think we did?
13:17Well, we heard what Mrs Butler said.
13:19In all the years of teaching, she'd never met anyone quite like us.
13:22Is that good?
13:23It's better than good. It's exceptional.
13:25Here we are, look.
13:34Hey, Paul, who lives here, then?
13:36Just a minute, I've got it here.
13:40Lord Peter Chop...
13:42Chop...
13:43That fella.
13:44And we're going to be his butlers?
13:46Only for a couple of weeks, while his regular staff are on holiday.
13:49Do you think we can do it?
13:50Of course we can.
13:51You heard what Mrs Butler said just before we left.
13:53She said she couldn't teach us a thing.
13:55Exactly, which means we know it all already.
13:57Come on.
14:03Come on.
14:13Have you finished ironing that paper yet?
14:15Nearly.
14:19He really likes them like this.
14:22Well, that's what it says on the list.
14:34Come on.
14:38You did do his boots, didn't you?
14:40Oh, I forgot.
14:55Oh, dear, oh, dear. He wants his breakfast now.
14:58I haven't finished his shoes yet.
15:00They'll have to do.
15:03Don't forget the newspaper.
15:05Don't forget the list.
15:09And take that pinny off.
15:34Good morning, your Lordship.
15:43Hello?
15:53Hello.
15:54It's OK, Barry. He's in the bathroom.
15:56Oh.
15:57He's in the bathroom.
15:58He's in the bathroom.
15:59He's in the bathroom.
16:00He's in the bathroom.
16:01It's OK, Barry. He's in the bathroom.
16:03Oh.
16:07Right, put the paper there.
16:09And put his shoes at the end of the bed.
16:13Oh, dear, look.
16:14My hands are all dirty from cleaning the shoes.
16:16Well, go and wash them then.
16:20No, no, no, not there.
16:21Sorry, your Lordship.
16:25Hey, Barry.
16:26What?
16:27It says here his Lordship likes his clothes laid out in the morning.
16:30Which clothes?
16:31All of them, I suppose.
16:38Oh, dear.
16:39Oh, dear, oh, dear.
16:44To you.
16:45To me.
16:49To you.
16:50To me.
16:54Seems a funny thing for him to have us do.
16:56Well, it obviously makes it easier for him to choose what he's going to wear.
16:59Oh.
17:02There you are, that's the last of them.
17:04Right.
17:10Where's the breakfast?
17:11It's on the bed.
17:13Help me find it.
17:19Here it is.
17:22Oh, look at his jacket.
17:24Oh, dear.
17:25Shall I take it to the cleaners?
17:26No, give it to me.
17:30Oh, dear, oh, dear.
17:33Come and sit down, your Lordship.
17:34I've made you breakfast.
17:36There you are.
17:39What are these clothes doing all over the place?
17:41What's this on the towel?
17:42What have you done to me?
17:45You!
17:46Mr Chairman!
17:48Hey, I bet you didn't expect to see us so soon again, did you?
17:51Security!
17:52Security!
17:54Oh, no, that's no good.
17:55It needs a turn.
17:56Security!
17:57Oh, no, that's no good.
17:58It needs a chuckle touch.
18:02Oh, dear, oh, dear.
18:04Are you stuck?
18:05What do you think it looks like, you witty hat?
18:07Thank heavens for that.
18:10Come on, Manny.
18:11Security!
18:15Security!
18:16Security!
18:18Security!
18:21Fantastic episode.
18:22That is my favourite ever programme.
18:24And Chuckle Vision is back on Tuesday.