ChuckleVision 8x11 Traction Attraction

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Barry enters his Mangle Worzel in the County Fayre

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TV
Transcript
00:00Ch-Ch-Ch-Competition!
00:02Ch-Ch-Ch-Competition!
00:13Ch-Ch-Ch-Competition!
00:15Ch-Ch-Ch-Competition!
00:17Ch-Ch-Ch-Competition!
00:30Ch-Ch-Ch-Competition!
00:32Ch-Ch-Ch-Competition!
00:34Ch-Ch-Ch-Competition!
00:36Ch-Ch-Ch-Competition!
00:38Ch-Ch-Ch-Competition!
00:40Ch-Ch-Ch-Competition!
00:42Ch-Ch-Ch-Competition!
00:44Ch-Ch-Ch-Competition!
00:46Ch-Ch-Ch-Competition!
00:48Ch-Ch-Ch-Competition!
00:50Ch-Ch-Ch-Competition!
00:52Ch-Ch-Ch-Competition!
00:54Ch-Ch-Ch-Competition!
00:56Ch-Ch-Ch-Competition!
00:59Ah, a screwdriver.
01:04Check Mango Wurzel is in direct sunlight.
01:22Big screwdriver.
01:24Yes.
01:26HE LAUGHS
01:28Perfect.
01:30Now then, something else.
01:32Music helps plants to grow.
01:37I know!
01:47That's it.
01:50MUSIC PLAYS
01:55That's it.
02:12Parry, chuckle.
02:20Parry, chuckle.
02:28Oi! Parry, chuckle.
02:33I'm warning you, I've got a banana here.
02:35I'm not afraid to use it.
02:37Parry, chuckle.
02:39Right, I'm going to use it.
02:41Parry, chuckle.
02:43HE LAUGHS
02:45It's my new invention.
02:50Here, put these on.
02:57Can you hear me?
02:59Can you hear me?
03:01Hey, Paul, you're on the radio.
03:03Can you ask them if they do requests?
03:05I'd like to hear Betty Boo singing Doing the Do.
03:07No, no, no, no, it's not a radio.
03:09It's my new invention, a telling and doing machine.
03:11I can tell you, wherever you are, wherever I am,
03:13what to do, and you can do it just like that.
03:15Hey, you're not as daft as I look, are you?
03:17No.
03:19How does it work?
03:21Oh, well, I haven't thought of that yet.
03:23But if we put our heads together, we'll think of something.
03:25Right. Get out of it.
03:27Suppose we could, erm...
03:29Go home and have a cup of tea.
03:31Right-o. Where are you going?
03:33Going home to have a cup of tea.
03:35But we haven't decided yet, Barry.
03:37Have you got your handbrake on?
03:39No, but I've got my new braces on, though.
03:41What are you talking about?
03:43Reverse carefully and sound your horn.
03:45Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!
03:47Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!
03:49You gone potty!
03:51I'm only doing what you say, Paul.
03:53But I haven't said anything yet.
03:55Yes, you have. Listen.
03:57Go straight to the High Street and pick up the vicars at Collins
03:59and make sure he pays this time.
04:01Hold on, hold on.
04:03That's a taxi radio broadcast.
04:05That's the way they tell each other where to pick the fares up.
04:07That's the only way they can do it.
04:09What did you say?
04:11He said it's a taxi radio and...
04:13You've broken down, but you've got to pick up Mrs Dingle at the station.
04:15And you know how annoyed she gets if we're late.
04:17Hey!
04:19Chuckle Brothers to the rescue.
04:21Barry, get in the truck-mobile and go and pick Mrs Dingle up.
04:23Right.
04:25Just a minute. I don't know where the station is.
04:27Well, it's easy. I can tell you down here, can't I?
04:29Course you can.
04:31Hang on.
04:33What's this?
04:35It's my mangle-wurzel.
04:43Ridiculous!
04:45They should have been here ten minutes ago.
04:55Hello. I'm Barry Chuckle.
04:57Are you Mrs Dingle?
04:59The same.
05:01The same as what?
05:03The same as the name you mentioned.
05:05Barry Chuckle? No, that's me.
05:07That's you over there. I know, because that's where I'm pointing.
05:09Is this my lift?
05:11Yes, it is on there.
05:13I'm a lady of standing in the community.
05:15Well, why don't you be a lady sitting on the bike?
05:17It's easy.
05:19Well, as there seems to be no other taxis available,
05:21it appears I have no choice.
05:41Hello.
05:43Hello.
06:09Righty.
06:11Are you a complete idiot?
06:13No, but I've had a tooth out.
06:15Oh!
06:17Hello, Barry. Can you hear me?
06:19Barry, can you hear me?
06:23Stupid thing.
06:27Silly thing.
06:29Hello, Barry. Can you hear me?
06:33Right.
06:35Now, you want to turn down Westway
06:37and then turn...
06:39left.
06:41It's a lovely day.
06:43Keep your eyes on the road.
06:45That's what Paul always says.
06:47Keep your nose to the ground and your ears to the grindstone.
06:51County Fair at the County Showground.
06:53And there's a giant vegetable competition.
06:59Then you go up East Avenue
07:01and turn...
07:03right.
07:05No, left.
07:07Yes, left.
07:17Then go down Southway
07:19and turn left.
07:27Then if you go up North Avenue
07:29and turn right,
07:31no, left,
07:33then you'll be where Mrs Dingle wants to be.
07:37Here we are, then.
07:39Ah!
07:41She's dozed off.
07:43Wakey, wakey!
07:45Hello?
07:49Oh!
08:03Achoo!
08:05Achoo!
08:07We're here.
08:09Well, how much?
08:11Seven pounds.
08:13For that little ride? Don't be ludicrous.
08:15How about eight? Nine?
08:17I'll settle for ten.
08:19You've come the wrong way.
08:21You have gone the wrong way.
08:23Look.
08:25The railway station.
08:27Are you going on holiday, then?
08:29I went to Rill once.
08:31I don't want to go to Rill.
08:33I want to be somewhere else.
08:35Buffoon!
08:37Buffoon? Never heard of it.
08:39Is it near Rotherham?
08:41If you had been following the route
08:43instead of reading the sign
08:45about the vegetable competition,
08:47you might have noticed
08:49where we were going.
08:53Vegetable competition?
09:03Oh!
09:33Now, look, Barry.
09:35I don't want you to get too disappointed
09:37when you lose.
09:39You'll see.
09:47You'd better get out and push.
09:57I wonder which way
09:59the vegetable competition is.
10:03Good afternoon!
10:05Hello!
10:07Hey!
10:09Look at this!
10:33Excuse me.
10:35Excuse me.
10:37Excuse me.
10:39Excuse me.
10:41Excuse me.
10:43Excuse me.
10:45Professor Derek Dingle.
10:47It's Professor Derek Dingle's hat, Paul.
10:49Is it?
10:51Is that Professor Dingle?
10:53Well, it's his head.
10:55Can I help you?
10:57We're the Chuckle Brothers.
10:59Barry, shake hands.
11:01Get out of it.
11:03What do you want?
11:05A cup of tea would go down very nicely, thank you.
11:07May we introduce ourselves?
11:09Barry, our card.
11:15Go to jail.
11:17Move directly to jail.
11:19Do not pass go.
11:21Do not collect 200 pounds.
11:23Do you think I'm a complete idiot?
11:25I don't know. We've only just met.
11:27Just behave, will you?
11:29I'm surrounded by fools.
11:31It's only the two of us.
11:33Do you think you could show us the way to the vegetable competition?
11:35Ah, an intriguing conundrum.
11:39First, rotate yourself.
11:41Then, orientate yourself.
11:43And then...
11:45Microwave greenhouse
11:47will enlarge any food
11:49to 100 times its normal size
11:51in seconds.
11:53Having circumvented that encumbrance,
11:55you will then require the fifth turning
11:57on the left.
11:59Fifth left?
12:01Look what I've done.
12:03Oh, look what you've done.
12:05You steaming
12:07great idiots.
12:09Oh, hand me that.
12:13Hello?
12:15Oh, that's stupid.
12:17Hello?
12:19Hello, Mr. Stupid.
12:21Hello?
12:23I'm afraid you'll have to speak up.
12:25Hello?
12:27Oh, get off the line.
12:29Hello?
12:31Oh, straight away.
12:33I'm afraid
12:35I have to leave you.
12:37I must deliver a very important speech in the cow shed.
12:39Now,
12:41I have to leave someone responsible
12:43in charge of the exhibit.
12:45I know the very person.
12:47Who?
12:49Him. Us.
12:51Very well. I shall leave you in charge.
12:53You'll be looking after some of the
12:55most important inventions in the country.
12:57He's gone.
12:59I know. I saw him wet.
13:01Hey, I tell you what, we'll fix the microwave
13:03while he's gone. You know the chuckle motto?
13:05Never leave a job undone.
13:07No, we usually leave it in chaos.
13:09Tell you what, you go make a cup of tea.
13:11I'll need a tap.
13:13Thanks.
13:23Steam!
13:25Where there's steam,
13:27there's boiling water.
13:39Right, where's the tap?
13:53Right.
14:19There, up there.
14:23There.
14:39Must be nearly tea time.
14:41Where's Barry with that tea?
14:49Help!
14:53Help!
14:57Turn left!
14:59Turn left!
15:01Help!
15:03I can't hear you!
15:05I know.
15:07Put your headphones on.
15:15Barry, turn left!
15:17Turn left!
15:23Barry, this is your brother, Paul Juggle.
15:25Turn left!
15:29No, not right, left!
15:33Use the wheel!
15:35Turn! Turn, Barry!
15:37Brake! Brake!
15:39Brake!
15:47Well done, Barry.
15:49You did a good job there.
15:51Thank you very much.
15:53Good job you found the handbrake.
15:55Handbrake? What handbrake?
15:57That one. Probably needs oiling.
15:59Oh, look, there's an oil can over there.
16:05You see, Barry,
16:07with steam engines,
16:09you use steam to get going,
16:11but you can't use any machinery at all
16:13without having one of these
16:15here.
16:29My mangle-wurzel!
16:35What have you done?
16:37My inventions!
16:39Look at my mangle-wurzel!
16:41Oh, my machine!
16:43It's working!
16:45Of course! You've cross-matched
16:47the injection polarised coupling
16:49with the reverse induction valve!
16:51That's right. We're not daft, you know.
16:57And the first prize of £100
16:59goes to Paul and Barry Juggle
17:01and Professor Derek Dickle
17:03for the world's largest ever mangle-wurzel.
17:05APPLAUSE
17:11It's you!
17:13Hey, I remember you.
17:15How was Rhyl?
17:17I've had to walk all the way.
17:19You walked all the way from Rhyl?
17:21You poor feet.
17:23You haven't seen my husband, have we?
17:25What's he look like?
17:2750ish, balding, bow-tie.
17:29He's got a balding bow-tie?
17:31Derek! Dingo!
17:33It's taken me an age to get here
17:35thanks to that third-rate taxi driver.
17:39Pardon me, I'm second-rate.
17:41Taxi?
17:43Oh, you must be Mrs Dingle.
17:45Meet Professor Dingle.
17:47Hey, you've got the same name.
17:49We are married.
17:51Are we?
17:53Congratulations, Paul. I didn't know.
17:55Thank you very much.
17:57No, fool. We are married.
17:59Derek, why are you consulting
18:01my invention, the microwave greenhouse?
18:03And look, we've won first prize.
18:05£100.
18:07Good! That'll cover the doctor's bill
18:09for my concussion, the inconvenience
18:11and my new dress.
18:13New dress?
18:15Yes. For some reason, this one reeks of fish.
18:17Come along.
18:19Derek!
18:21Yes, dear?
18:23Well, I think it's about time for tea, Paul.
18:25Yeah.
18:27Want to join me in a bowl of soap?
18:29I suppose not.
18:31We could have mangle-wurzel on toast.
18:33Or mangle-wurzel sausages.
18:35Mangle-wurzel custard.
18:37Mangle-wurzel ice cream.
18:39Mangle-wurzel meringue.
18:41What about mangle-wurzel pie?
18:43We could have mangle-wurzel and custard.
18:45Mangle-wurzel pancake?
18:47Let's go, then.
18:49How about mangle-wurzel con carne?
18:51Yeah.
18:53Mangle-wurzel with fingers.
18:55Oh, mangle-wurzel.