Frasier Season 5 Episode 17 The Perfect Guy
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Now for a difficult one
00:07Um
00:09velvety rind bit smoky
00:13Mmm. Applewood. I think all right. This is what I get for sending you to sleepaway camp in France
00:21Can I help you with anything else monsieur? No, thanks this $6 can of dog food will be fine
00:28I'm sure teach me not to leave my shopping to the last minute again. Oh
00:34Is it Roblochon? You are good. Dr. Craig is a regular cheese whiz
00:42I'll take a half a pound of the Roblochon and half pound of San André and I know I ask this every week, but
00:50Is it here is what's here, you know very well what I mean the imported Swiss prosciutto
00:58the bitna flash I
01:00Am sorry, if only you had been here one hour ago
01:05Damn, you would have seen it arrive
01:13You do rob bear you make me long for the days when you barely spoke English nice
01:19Life's like the wind I'll take a pound
01:21Whoa?
01:24$18 a pound the salami is good, but it's not that good
01:28Saucisson was aged for six months and cured in a small village at the foot of the Pyrenees
01:34I steal at that price. You got that right, pal
01:38Dad if you want to wait outside, I'll be through in a minute. No, I'm fine
01:43Look at all these different kinds of olive oil
01:47virgin extra virgin
01:51Extra virgin
01:53How does that work
01:58I guess if you can cure a sausage
02:03Monsieur I'm so glad you find my food so amusing. Oh, he's only joking keep on slicing
02:11Come on. Now, even you've gotta admit this whole store is kind of nutty. Oh
02:17$14 for a pound of goat cheese. Haha that price ought to be able to get a whole goat
02:24We're slicing
02:26Perhaps
02:28You would be more comfortable if you just waited outside
02:32I'm gonna leave just come on say it in plain English. I leave for my stuff. Okay
02:36No problem. Come on Niles. You heard the man. He wants us to leave from his store
02:42Don't hurry back. Don't worry all the money in the world wouldn't get me back in this snapshot
02:48That
02:52Man is my father. So obviously I can't leave here with a bag full of your merchandise home delivery. Thank you
03:01No one treats my father that way those olives do no one
03:05You
03:12About the photo shoot tomorrow. Will you be needing makeup? Oh
03:17But that's a good choice because I think you look very handsome without it
03:23really
03:24Well, I think you look
03:26Very attractive with makeup. Oh
03:29Nothing I'm saying you need makeup. It's just that if indeed you are wearing makeup
03:33It's so expertly applied to tie. I wouldn't even know you're wearing makeup
03:38But it looks like I'm wearing some rouge right now
03:41I know what you meant and thank you. Oh
03:45Dr. Crane, um, I've been meaning to ask you
03:49What do you think about two people who work together dating? Oh
03:54Well, I asked that question a lot and let me tell you that the stark reality is that that situation is fraught with
04:05Delightful possibilities
04:08So, um, are you free on Friday? Oh Friday. Yes Friday it is after the show great great
04:23Yes, Flint Webber the station just hired me to host the new show on health
04:31Welcome to KCL I understand I'm in your debt for recommending my audition tape. Oh not at all
04:36It was very good. Very good. Indeed. Besides we'd all gotten a bit tired of the last show that was in that time slot
04:43Bert the backyard gardener
04:46Rumored that his latest crop gave new meaning to the term potting shed
04:54Perfect timing come Clint
04:58Ross Doyle my producer. This is dr. Clint Webber the new host of health watch. Hi
05:05Hi, great to meet you. So
05:09You're new
05:10That's right and a doctor. That's right
05:23Well, I don't want to be late for that station, oh, well again welcome aboard plant. Oh
05:30My gosh, could I've acted any goofier not without a set of fake buck teeth
05:39So I can't work with someone mad handsome, but no offense don't I'm taking
05:44Granted when it comes to the looks department, dr. Webber and I aren't exactly in the same species
05:53Well, I was going to say league but species is so much more insulting
05:59The stakes this is totally yes, the chicks are all going nuts over this new Webber guy
06:04I'm supposed to be the only sex symbol around here. Wait, look at it. Look at it. Come on
06:10Come on take your best shot. No, no, not you one of those guys
06:15Oh
06:16Boulder you're behaving immaturely even for you
06:19Granted the man is handsome, but no reason to feel frightened. I must confess. I didn't notice he was all that handsome
06:30You didn't notice you of all people
06:36Just what are you insinuating?
06:39Well, you know that you're a little
06:42I'm for your information. I happen to be a happily married man
06:51You're married
06:56To a woman
06:59Of course to a woman
07:01You all have been mentioned Deb. Well, how often have I said I must be running along now Deb will be waiting
07:07We thought Deb was your cat. She is not a cat
07:12She's mrs. Gilbert Leslie Chesterton a Sarah Lawrence graduate and the owner of a very successful
07:18auto body repair shop
07:24Honestly the conclusions people make just because a man dresses well knows how to use a pastry bag. Oh
07:36First time I've ever seen a man in himself
07:42I
07:45Yeah
07:47Can't help noticing Eddie's looking a bit glum
07:50Yeah, he's mad at me. I
07:53Gave him a can of that dog food from your fancy gourmet place the other day. He didn't like it
07:59No, I loved him and I won't eat anything else
08:03Even turned his nose up at a kosher pickle and he loves those
08:08And the bad thing is I called all over Seattle and French
08:12She's the only one who carries that stuff. I don't suppose you'd consider apologizing forget it. I'm never setting foot in that store. Yeah
08:20If things get worse, there is a technique of sleep feeding
08:24I know it involves an eyedropper in a high fructose protein shake. I don't know about that. It worked on Maris
08:37Are
08:42You aware yes, I'm aware
08:45We were taking publicity photos today. I had an allergic reaction to the makeup. I was wearing
08:51I wasn't even planning on wearing any makeup at all
08:53But there's a handsome new employee at the station. Everybody's feeling terribly insecure about their looks
08:59they were all slapping their makeup on so I too gave in the vanity and like
09:05Icarus flying too close to the Sun I too paid the price
09:09Wow
09:11Thank you, dad. I don't like to go to the mythology well too often, but that was spot-on
09:15No, I mean that guy so handsome. It's him. It's him. It's dr. Weber
09:22Well, he is striking measures just jealous oh I am NOT jealous yes, the man is handsome
09:29I'm sure there's a number of areas in which I am his superior
09:33You know, let's not forget that good looks can be a mixed blessing people just roll out the red carpet for you
09:39But that robs you of any incentive to develop other qualities
09:44After a while, you're left an aging narcissist bent at the water's edge
09:49realizing those lines in the pond
09:53aren't ripples they're wrinkles
09:57I'm amazing. Thank you dad. I rather like that one myself. That guy could be a movie star
10:06All right, Ross don't we have some work to do show me oh, no, no, you know what take this table
10:10I have a session in here. I gotta go to
10:13white juice
10:15Riding his Thunderbolt to mount very amusing there. Oh
10:19You know
10:21Dr. Cream Oh
10:23Dr. Weber you remember Ross Doyle. Yes. Hello
10:31Who could forget that infectious laugh
10:35Speaking of which is anyone had a look at that rat? Oh, yes everybody. Yeah
10:40So mind if I join you? Well, actually we were hoping you would
10:44So
10:49Clint I see that you're a
10:51squash player
10:53You know up for a game someday. I used to play a bit back in Harvard
10:57Well, I'd love to Harvard Wow, I I was dying to go to Harvard
11:02Well, I'm sure the school you went to was just as good. I went to Oxford. Oh, well even better
11:08So
11:10Did you go to medical school there as well
11:12Yes, but I took a year off first to get my master's in French. It's ah, just wanted to do something fun
11:20Does that mean you speak French so more cause or a content built
11:28Yes, well I do understand the importance of taking some time off before beginning medical school I spent that summer in
11:36Milan
11:37Studying the history of opera
11:40in fact
11:40I had the good fortune to make an acquaintance and become friends with a then little-known young tenor by the name of
11:48Carreras
11:49Jose Carreras
11:51Forgive the name-dropping. He's my godfather. Oh
11:57No, I'll call him tonight he'll be delighted to hear I'm working with you
12:03I'll be interested to see if he remembers the game. We used to play. Well, we pretended not to remember one another
12:12You know Frazier that rash is starting to concern me maybe I'll just pop out to the car and get my medical kit
12:19It's really no need
12:22Okay, maybe we get some work done while he's gone Oh
12:26Ross for heaven's sake
12:28You behave like a starry-eyed Bobby socks, sir. Yes. The man is good-looking. Oh, it's not like you can stop traffic
12:41There's a blind corner out there we don't know if that was him
12:49How was your squash game Oh
12:51Well, Dr. Webber neglected to mention that he was squash champion back in college
12:59I'm sorry Frazier. Oh, no, not at all. It was a lovely morning
13:04Cliff was gracious enough to treat me to breakfast. Of course once we arrived at the relay the chef had just cut himself
13:11Clint not only treated the wound but set about to making us a flawless egg white and truffle omelet. I
13:18Have put myself through med school as a sous chef at Le Cirque. Oh
13:23Sometimes I just want to pinch you to make sure you're real
13:31I'm just going to get a glass of water. I'll be right back, right?
13:35But you're about to start the show. Yes, I know Ross
13:37I thought it'd be a good idea to have Clint on introduce him to my listeners. Give us show a leg up
13:42All right, you're plugging Clint, I'm sorry, I'm having a lot of trouble believing this buddy, buddy
13:48Yeah, I was trying as you may to insinuate that I have some seething jealousy for this man. The fact is I like Clint
13:54Why else would I be giving a party in his honor this evening? Okay, you're on in 10 seconds. Yes, right
14:00Let's just slip on those headphones and follow my lead. Okay
14:04Good
14:07Afternoon Seattle, this is not afraid of crane before we start our regular program. I'd like to take this opportunity to introduce you to dr
14:16Clint Webber Clint if you're anything like I am you'll spend your first week trying to figure out what all these buttons do
14:22Actually in college I ran the radio station
14:25Ah
14:31Well, you know things may have gotten a bit more sophisticated since then for instance we have here a cough button
14:38If I'm not mistaken, that's the echo button. Of course it is
14:46All my listeners are familiar with my now trademark echoing cough
14:52Well, let's uh, let's go to the lines take our first call and show dr. Webber the rope, shall we
14:59Go ahead you're on the air. Oh, hi. Hi. Dr. Crain Marie. Oh, hello Marie. I'm listening
15:10I've been having a hard time getting out of bed every morning. And when I finally do I'm irritable for hours, really
15:18Well, Marie the desire to stay in bed is
15:22It's very similar to the desire to regress to the womb
15:27Some unconscious fear is is driving you to a place of safety
15:31Now in order to resolve this problem, you're going to have to examine your life and discover just what it is. You're retreating from
15:38It's hard, but very necessary work. I suggest that it may be time to try some therapy. Wow
15:44You are good. Dr. Crane
15:46The first thing that came to my head was that she might be a little hypoglycemic
15:51I'd have suggested some protein in the morning
15:56Last Thursday I had eggs for breakfast and I felt great all day. Well, maybe that's it then. Oh
16:03What a relief, you know, you scared the life out of me. Dr. Crane
16:08Yes, well, thank you Marie
16:13All right, I think it's time to say goodbye to dr. Webber now
16:19We'll be back after these messages
16:22Thanks Frazier. That was fun
16:25I hope I didn't say anything out of line. Oh, no, no, no, I always enjoy that
16:30Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't say anything out of line. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't say anything out of line
16:35Oh, no, no, not at all. I always enjoy learning something new
16:40Well, oh, I'll see you tonight. Don't be late. I'm always punctual. Yeah, of course you are
16:49I hate him
16:51Oh
16:59He's not even here you looked out, yeah, I'll just take a case of that dog food, please. Will that be all?
17:05Yeah, that's it. And I'm in a bit of a hurry
17:08Look here
17:09Nickerson's lemon biscuits. Oh, please bring back memories. I just love them. Do you carry the raspberry ones as well?
17:16I'm not sure. Can you come back for those?
17:19Robert oh
17:21Yes
17:24Look who's come back
17:27Look, why don't you just let me pay for this and get out of here. What do I owe you?
17:31I think we both know what you owe me
17:36All right, I'm sorry I shouldn't have made fun of your store
17:41You're gonna let me off the hook or not. All right, I'll sell it to you. I never like to lose a customer
17:48Well, great, you know while I'm here might as well take a few cases
17:50Oh, we have several new varieties in if you'd care to take a look. Oh, sure, please
18:00Oh, I think these biscuits are mismarked
18:05No, that's correct
18:081495 for a package this small. I see we have another member of the press club
18:15Yeah, there's no need for that attitude I come I can get these for ATP well I do have to fly them over
18:22What did you do buy them a seat on the Concorde?
18:27Madam if you cannot afford them simply put them back bloody well afford them. I just don't like being gouged. This is robbery
18:34Robber no one calls me a robber
18:39Not now
18:41On your way out you will see a sign on the door saying please come again
18:47Disregarding I'd be happy to you know, mr. Kray was right about you
18:52You're nothing but an arrogant swindling little cheese monger
18:57This is great. I'll take a case of each. You'll take a case of nothing
19:03What happened? No, we don't need him or his food. Yes, we do. He's got tarragon flavor now
19:12Oh, really when he gets hungry heaven sakes he drinks out to the toilet
19:21So George s Kaufman so dislikes what the actor is doing he sends the poor fellow a telegram reading
19:28I'm watching your performance from the rear of the house. Wish you were here
19:36Sorry to jump in there Frazier, but I believe that's the story
19:40Thanks for helping out
19:44Hey doc gotta hand it to you great way to welcome the new guy
19:48I'm surprised for even here at the party. Didn't think you cared much for class. Yeah, I'm over that I figured he can't have
19:56Every chick so if we pal around I bagged the leftovers. Ah a
20:02Regular busboy romance, excuse me
20:10I
20:12Was well, how's it going? Well, let me see
20:17What have you missed?
20:19Clint told us about how he learned to fly a plane and he recited a
20:24Sonnet. Oh, oh, yes. He fixed my ice machine and he invented a new drink the pink Webber
20:31Got definitely drawing a bath right now in case the party starts to lag I can invite him to walk on water liven things up
20:40Well now don't let it make you crazy Frazier some point we all run into someone who's our superior
20:46Oh, it's just I've never dealt with this sort of thing before
20:50Never I can see how that might be a bad thing to you as my younger brother. You've dealt with this sort of thing all your
20:56life
20:58At least we know he won't outshine you in the egomania department
21:02Sorry. Yes. I'm being a bit silly about this whole thing. I suppose I just wish I could find one flaw
21:10One one area where I'm his superior. I'm sure you will
21:16Although it won't be in the drink department, this is heaven in a glass Oh
21:22Frazier I was just admiring this chessboard. It's beautiful. Thank you
21:27Do you play no, I've read a book or two. Are you in the middle of a match?
21:31Oh, well, yes, as a matter of fact, I'm playing by mail the Russian grandmaster
21:37Quite challenging well
21:40Congratulations with your cunning use of these a creps key attack. You're only four moves away from certain victory
21:47My god, you're right and actually I'd be happy to hear that except I'm playing black. Well
21:56Wasn't that a fun eight months
21:58Oh
22:03Sharon
22:04Sorry, we haven't had a chance to speak much. Oh, I know but I'm really looking forward to our date on Friday
22:10Yes, so am I are you look?
22:13Absolutely, beautiful or should I say mean mainly the young G don't sway
22:20Oh
22:23Boy what's so funny? Oh
22:25You just told me I'm as lovely as a chicken beak. Oh, really?
22:30Then Bailey the young G don't sway
22:33Who's as lovely as a chicken beak?
22:38You speak Mandarin our June in June shoe or yonchi, ma I joy honing gosh in the ma
22:46wider
22:50I
22:53Just wanted to thank you for this part. Oh, don't mention it. It's been a perfect evening the hors d'oeuvres the
23:01Company the music. Oh
23:03some
23:06Yes, well enjoy
23:10Isn't it romantic
23:14Music in the night
23:20Oh
23:23I'm sorry. I was singing too loud. No, no, not at all. I can't tell you how much I'm enjoying hearing it
23:31Careful doesn't take much coaxing to get me to perform. Really? Oh, yes
23:37Get a glass of wine in me before you know it. I'm serenading the entire room
23:42Really? Oh, I'm afraid I have a bit of the old ham in me
23:46Would it be presumptuous
23:49Sitting in front of your guests. Well, I I think we could persuade the piano player to play it again
24:00I have found his Achilles heel
24:03Whose glints? Oh, I just heard him singing. The man is completely tone-deaf
24:09It's about to launch into a rendition of isn't it romantic that will simply peel the enamel from your teeth
24:16Are
24:18You sure you want to let him do that?
24:20What do you mean? Well, you have your victory. You're a wonderful singer. Isn't it enough to know that?
24:26Do you really need to see him humiliate himself?
24:30Yes
24:33Now Frazier no, no, I know it I know you're right I
24:37Guess I am a bigger man than that. Hey, dr. Crane your friend Clint's quite a charmer. Yes
24:45Do you suppose he's single I was just getting up the nerve to give him my phone number excuse me everyone I
24:52Just want to thank you all for this warm. Welcome to KACL and as a token of my gratitude
24:59I'd like to share this song with you. Wait, there's been a little change in plan. Yes. I'm going to be your accompanist now
25:14Isn't it romantic music in the night a dream
25:24Isn't it romantic
25:27Oh
25:43Hey, baby, I hear the blues are calling tossed salads and scrambled eggs. Oh my
25:51And maybe I seem a bit confused
25:55Yeah, maybe but I got you pegs
26:00But I don't know what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs
26:08They're calling again
26:12Scrambled eggs all over my face. What is the party do?
26:20Frazier has left the building
26:24You